Chapter 2: The Cause:
Iolanta's POV:
The Chamberlain tells me I am to attend the meeting of the Council of Crowns. "Oh, must I do this," I asked, "why can't Kazimir do it?"
"I'm not of royal blood," says Kazimir.
"Can I pond it off to him," I asked.
"Actually, yes," says the Chamberlain.
"Works for me," I said, "I'm going to find a cause!"
. . .
I was talking with my new friend, Fédora.
"What am I going to do," I asked, "Pipa Jing has all the good causes!"
"Well, what about looking after animals nobody wants," Fédora suggests.
"I think you're right," I said, "say, Greece has plenty of those!"
"Well, there is a mighty hero that could bring them to you," says Fédora, "I think you've heard of him... Hercules!"
"Hercules, the legendary son of Zeus," I asked.
"Yes, but there is something you should know about him," says Fédora, "Hercules is kind of... arrogant."
"Well, you would be too if your Father was the King of the Gods," I said.
Fédora thinks about it. "I guess I would be."
"I must send a message to Hercules at once," I said.
. . .
The Chamberlain and I waited for Hercules. Then he came.
Muses: Bless my soul Herc was on a roll
Person of the week in every Greek opinion poll
What a pro Herc could stop a show
Point him at a monster and you're talking SRO
He was a no one
A zero, zero
Now he's a honcho
He's a hero
Here was a kid with his act down pat
From zero to hero in no time flat
Zero to hero just like that
When he smiled the girls went wild with oohs and aahs
And they slapped his face on every vase (Chorus: on every vahse)
From appearance fees and royalties
Our Herc had cash to burn
Now nouveau riche and famous
He could tell you what's a Grecian earn
Say amen there he goes again
Sweet and undefeated and an awesome ten for ten
Folks lined up just to watch him flex
And this perfect package packed a pair of pretty pecs
Hercie, he comes, He sees, he conquers
Honey, the crowds were going bonkers
He showed the moxie brains, and spunk
From zero to hero a major hunk
Zero to hero and who'da thunk
Who put the glad in gladiator? (Chorus: Hercules)
Whose daring deeds are great theater? (Chorus: Hercules)
Isn't he bold?
Nobody braver, isn't he sweet our favorite flavor
Hercules, Hercules
Hercules, Hercules
Hercules, Hercules
Bless my soul Herc was on a roll
Undefeated
Riding high and the nicest guy
Not conceited
He was a nothin' a zero, zero
Now he's a honcho He's a hero
He hit the heights at breakneck speed
From zero to hero
Herc is a hero
Now he's a hero
Yes indeed!
"Greetings, I am Hercules, and this is Iolaus!"
"Hey there," says Iolaus.
"Now, I did have some... animals, but I don't think you'll want these," says Hercules.
I looked and saw the mares. "What magnificent horses," I said.
"Yes," says Hercules, "it's just... well, they eat people!"
"Nonsense," I said, "horses are vegetarians!" Then the mares tried to eat the Chamberlain. Hercules had to save him. "Oh dear." It's obvious what I must do... help these mares be good horses!
To Be Continued
In the next chapter, the Council of Crowns is introduced.