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CHAPTER NINE: SUDDENNESS

NANA

"Time will pass and seasons will come and go."
- Roy Bean

KANEKI HAD INSISTED on walking me home after our abrupt encounter on the sidewalk. He had slid the black plastic bag from my hands to carry it along the way once I released my hold on him. My hands signed protests that he didn't bother paying attention to. That, and he wouldn't have known what more than half of the things I was signing meant. He had gone into that no-nonsense protective mode of his like the day I had food poisoning. It was apparent in the deep set of his clenched jaw.

Not out here, his jaw seemed to say. Not right now.

We didn't dare say anything else to each other along the walk home. He used his umbrella to shield us from the rain falling from above. Our arms brushed against each other's in order to fit both of us inside. His eye was focused ahead and darkened, often looking around turns and corners to check our surroundings. There was something . . . attentive . . . driven into him now.

He hadn't said anything as I cried. He just held me. His arms wrapped around my waist in a hug while I sobbed my tears into his jacket. My wet form had soaked his clothing where we touched each other. Not that he said anything about it. He kept my hood and the umbrella over my head in silence. He allowed me my moment without so much as a peep. When I was done, he watched me wipe my face with the backs of my hands, and tugged on the sleeve of my hoodie towards the direction of our shared apartment building. I'd followed him in a fit of sniffles.

I was grateful that he hadn't said anything about my tears. I was mortified once it was all over. Yet, I was glad that he had found me. For some miraculous reason, in Tokyo where he could have been in a million other places, he had found me when I needed someone. He had known it was me despite my hood being over my head. There was nothing to be afraid of.

We split ways atour apartments. He went into his. I went into mine. I'd pried off the wet clothes to take a warm shower before anymore damage could be done. It wouldn't have done me any good to get a cold.

I put on some warm clothing, and Kaneki entered moments later. I had left the door open. A part of me had been hoping for him to come back over. There was a lot that we had to talk about if we were going to repair things. Thankfully, he did. He made his way back into my small apartment before closing the door behind him slowly.

He had changed into drier clothes: a black tshirt, sweatpants, and messy hair as if he had ruffled it dry with a towel. He took his shoes off at the door; my eyes watched as he entered the apartment like nothing had changed. Like it was still a place he felt comfortable. Like we were still the old us. Like he hadn't distanced himself from me. Like it hadn't been a week since he'd texted those cruel words to me. Like I hadn't cried.

The two of us sat awkwardly on to floor at my chabudai table. I didn't need to hear to know that the room was silent. Neither of us moved to touch the notebook that laid at the center of the table. That was, until his hand reached for the pen first. He slid it closer to him to write in that neat handwriting that hadn't filled my book in days. Blue ink bled into the white pages in strokes.

'Words can't begin to describe how sorry I am,' he started, not daring to look over at me. 'I'm sorry. What I said was cruel and unnecessary.'

I slid the page back over to me. A deep sigh moved my chest upon exhale. I wished with every fiber of my being that we could have been talking, and not writing out sentences. I wished that things were easier—that my little fucking notes weren't involved.

'It hurt my feelings,' I admitted.

He took it back. 'I didn't mean it. I was going through a difficult time, and I took my anger out on you for no reason. I know excuses are meaningless, and I'm not asking you to forgive me, but I want you to know that's not how I really feel. I don't care about us writing these notes. I'll write a you a million of them. I don't care that you're nearly deaf. I wouldn't care if you were blind or mute, either. You're still Akamine Nana, and I'm glad to know you as you are. For you. That was stupid of me to say.'

I looked up into his one visible eye. Everything in it felt sincere. He meant every word that he wrote to me. His words were his truth. I could feel my heart beating faster against my ribs. I was sure that he could hear it from where he sat. His gaze didn't waver from me not once. He didn't back down.

I broke eye contact first. 'Do you think I'm bothering you too much? I should be the one apologizing,' I wrote.

He shook his head. 'No, I enjoy your company. Don't think that.'

'I haven't seen you at school for the past few days. You were going again, then stopped.'

He took the notebook back to reply. His hand didn't move to write a response, clicking the fountain pen as he raked his mind for an answer. For an excuse. 'I'll be there tomorrow,' he finally wrote. 'Hide had texted me the same thing when I bumped into you earlier.'

'Yeah, what were you doing out in the rain, anyway? What's with the eyepatch?' I asked.

A white, medical eyepatch sat covering his left eye. The strings of it split off into his hair to hold it in place against his face. His accident had nothing to do with his vision, I didn't think. It could have been a newfound side effect of it. I found myself sad that instead of two melted metal eyes, I was restricted to just one. Only half of the expression he carried within them.

He didn't bother answering my questions. 'You shouldn't have been out. It's dangerous at night. You could've gotten sick in the rain, too.' He paused before adding in, 'I don't want anything to happen to you. It only takes five seconds for everything to change . . .'

Silence stretched over us again. His words had left a heavy echo in my head. They were dangerous. I wanted nothing more than to run with the possibility that there was something more to them. Anything that I could cling onto for an ounce of hope that he felt something else for me. That it wasn't the typical concern of friendship. That all of the time we had spent together this year meant something. Anything.

Please tell me it meant something.

My fingers found a stray string of my leggings interesting. I thought of Anzai's advice of giving up on him. With Kaneki sitting there, staring at the papers between us, I knew that there wasn't a chance I could. I could feel the blood heating my face while I read his last sentence over and over in my head. Whenever he left after this, I would tear it out to hold with me forever while I dreamed of more. Of that something.

He wrote again during my silence. 'I'm sorry.'

I forgave him. I'd forgiven him hours after he'd sent the message to me. One thing I tried to do when it came to him was understand. I knew the situation was a lot bigger than me-than us. I knew he was angry. His apology only served to express how bothered he had been by his actions. I was glad to know that he liked me as I was—to caring, communication notebooks, and all. And I liked him for all that he was. Even if it was a newfound frustration with life and an eyepatch.

'How come you didn't just talk to me?' I asked. Why had you been avoiding me? What took you so long?

'What I was going through, you couldn't help me with. I had to get over what happened along. It's getting . . . a little easier.' His movements of the pen were slow and pressed hard into the page. 'I didn't know what to say to you. I didn't know if you even wanted to talk to me anymore.'

I nodded. 'I understand. I want to understand you better. But, I missed you. We all missed you. I really hope the accident didn't take you along with it.'

The real Ken Kaneki. The Kaneki that woke up early in the mornings, studied in the library, and cackled at stupid game shows with us. My friend. Hopefully, the accident didn't change his heart.

He read my words over at least four times. 'I'll try to do better. I'll be there with you in class tomorrow,' he promised. I watched as he began to click the pen in thought as if he were debating on adding to the page. His brows furrowed in conflict, then resolution, writing out, 'I've missed you, too.'

I couldn't help the small smile that had tugged on the corners of my lips. I've missed you, too. It was such a simple, harmless thing to say. People said it to each other all the time. However, when it came from him, I wanted to hope that it came from a place in his heart that had room for no one else. That he had truly been thinking about me during our time apart. Was that too much to ask for?

'If I told you something awful enough to make you hate me, would you stop being there?' he asked. I frowned and shook my head. The smile he gave me in return was so . . . sad . . . so lonely. 'I don't know if that was the answer that I wanted, or the answer that I feared. You and Hide are so much alike.'

His words confused me. I didn't know what he meant by that. He didn't seem to want to give an explanation for it, either. He stood up onto his feet, walking to the front entrance. I watched as he bent down to put his shoes back on. As quickly as he had came, he was leaving again. There was nothing else to talk about. He would be back in school tomorrow.

Yet, there was so much more that needed to be said. It felt wrong to leave everything as it was. I needed to tell him everything while I still had him. He was so fickle these days that I couldn't rely on his word. It could have been days until I seen him again. I had to get the weight off of my chest while I had the chance. Before there wasn't another chance for me to take. Before he shut me out again like he had been doing ever since he'd came home from the hospital.

"Kaneki," I called out.

He only had one shoe on. The sound of my voice had caught his attention; he stood up and turned his head toward me. I shuffled onto my feet to get to him. I had already made up my mind. There was no turning back on it. He needed to know. He deserved the right to know.

His single gray eye looked down into my purple ones. His lips moved to say words that I didn't understand nor really cared about. Black brows pulled low on his face in question. I could see the Adam's apple in his neck more as he swallowed deeply. They were the little things that I had noticed about him. They were the little things that made him Kaneki.

If I had an opportunity to go back on my decision, it would have been then. I could have easily told him goodnight and sent him on his way. I could have locked my feelings away for another time. Maybe now wasn't the best time to spring such a big deal on him. He said that things were getting easier, but that didn't mean that they were going away.

Did I want it? Yes. Should I act upon it? I didn't know.

I couldn't turn back. I had to be brave and tell him. Neither of us had moved to break our eye contact. His gaze searched my face as if the answers were written on it instead of a notebook for once. I supposed, deep down, he had found the truth he was looking for. The tips of his ears burned a pink blush, he looked down at my lips, and I took a step forward. He knew. I had made the decision. He had, too. All that was left was to act upon it.

I didn't have the words. I didn't want to write them down. I didn't want it to be a message that would be crumbled up and forgotten. I wanted nothing more than to tell him. I want him to understand how I felt. I wanted it to be that something.

It was me who had closed the rest of the distance and kissed him.

It was clumsy. It was sudden. It had caught him off guard. I could feel his body stiffen where it brushed against mine. We didn't move. Our lips connected so softly, so gently that it felt like little feather touches. Moments passed while he processed things. Then, there was a new pressure as he leaned in-as he accepted it.

Tingles of nerves shot through me. It felt like every part of my body from my head to toes had been shocked by electricity. I was nervous and scared more than anything. But, he returned it. He kissed me back—his long lashes tickling my face as they fluttered close—and it sent my heart soaring up into my throat.

I pulled away first. I lowered myself down flat onto my feet. His eye was already on me, slightly wide, and studying my face in confusion. Our faces had been dressed in the blushes that had settled on them. My lips buzzed where his had met them. We had kissed. We had made the decision. There now, officially, was no way of turning back.

I looked down at my feet. Anything to avoid the way he was looking at me. My hands moved to sign the words we had been saying a lot to each other lately.

"I'm sorry."

I felt him place a hand on my head. I looked back up at him. A small, painful smile had found its way onto his face. The blush was still there. The embarrassment was still there. The deed couldn't have been undone. But, the slight affection told me that he didn't want me to apologize for it. There was nothing to be sorry about. The action had told him everything he needed to know in confidence. Still, the affection didn't quite reach his eye . . . nor his smile.

I walked away to grab the notebook from the table. I quickly scribbled down the words, holding it up for him to see. 'I like you,' I wrote.

He kicked off his one shoe. He made his way back over to where he was sat at the table. He motioned for me to pass the notebook to him. I was scared of his response. I had laid all of my cards out on the table. What he did with them were up to him. So, I sat down with him, and passed him the pages.

'I know,' was his reply.

I made a face, snatching the pen up. 'What? What do you mean you know?' I demanded. He scratched nervously at his cheek and looked up at the ceiling. It was all the answer that I needed. 'It was Hide, wasn't it?'

His blush darkened. 'He . . . may have slipped up and said a little something about it after I got out the hospital.'

Of course he did. I suddenly felt like an idiot, and oh so thoroughly mortified.

'I'm going to kill him.'

'He thought he was helping. You know how he is.' Kaneki waved a hand in defense of his best friend, then found my face hard to look at. 'I had told him about it, too. I'd always felt . . .' his words trailed off for a moment. 'More for you. I always thought you were smart, pretty, and liked talking to you. But, when I woke up in that hospital, and you were the only person I seen sitting with me . . . Dropping everything to get to me . . .' Another pause. 'I like you, too. I shouldn't have went on that date. I should've just told you how I felt instead of being scared.'

There it was. He felt something, too. He felt that something that had been bubbling inside me when we were together. Though it may have took him a little longer to come to terms with it, he understood my feelings. That was all that I wanted.

My mind thought back to the day he had woken up in that hospital. His eyes were confused and afraid. I had smiled at him to let him know that he wasn't alone. I hadn't left him. Perhaps that was what made him see things differently. The two of us were alone in that cold, bland hospital room just like we were now. There was no one else. No noise. Only the two of us mattered in that moment. Just like we did now.

Hideyoshi had managed to play both sides. Kaneki's confession to him must have made him slip up and tell him mine. He'd wanted us to get together, after all. We were his endgame. He had been planning everything all along. I didn't know whether to beat him the next time I saw him, or thank him for being sneaky.

Kaneki knew. The whole time we were at odds, he knew how I felt. He also knew how he felt. That day we had stood at my door after we left Big Girl, he knew that I was going to tell him, and ran away. I wanted to ask him why he had pushed me away if he knew. Those were questions for another time. I didn't want to turn the mood sour.

'That's why you care about me so much,' he wrote, the puzzle pieces fitting together in his head. 'Thank you for looking out for me.'

I blinked a few times, ignoring his message. 'You like me, too?'

He suddenly found the other side of the room interesting. I couldn't see his face, but the tinting of his ears told me that his blush hadn't gone away. He gave me a curt nod of his head. It was a confirmation. He did.

I didn't know how long we sat in silence like that. The both of us were deep in our own thoughts. Our kiss had played over and over in my head. Everything had changed. Where did we go after this? Where could we go after this?

He moved to write his next message on the paper. 'Nothing can become of it. We should forget about it and just stay friends.'

What?

I read the words a few times as if I wasn't seeing correctly. He wanted to pretend like nothing had happened. Like I hadn't spilled my heart out to him. Like he hadn't told me he felt that something there. Like he wasn't my first. How could he? How could I?

I bit back a frown. How could I? How could I?

'Why?' My words were shaky on the page.

'I want you to be safe. I want you to stay focused on school, your friends, and your life. Us being together . . . Our feelings would only make everything harder on both of us. I would ruin everything. I still want to be there for you, Nana. Nothing has changed. I just . . . can't be there in that way.'

Would it make everything harder on us . . . or him? He couldn't be there in that way . . . or he didn't want to?

I wanted to cry. I wanted to scream. I wanted to throw something at him and kick him out of my apartment. I wanted to tell him that I had been kidding when I told him I liked him. I wanted to tell him that he wouldn't ruin everything—that he hadn't even gave us a chance. I could do none of that. I couldn't do anything but stare down at my fidgeting hands. My heart had dropped down from my throat to my stomach. My hope had dropped as well.

If there was a something . . . anything . . . he didn't want it.

My hands were numb as they wrote, 'If that's what you want. It never happened, then.'

He watched me quietly. It was like I were a book that he was trying to get an analysis on. I didn't want it. I wished that he stopped staring at me and left. I wanted him to get out. However, things in life were never that easy. I had taken the leap of faith. He had caught me, spun me around, and set me down gently. I had to sit there and deal with the consequences. I had to be turned down with my head held high.

A look similar to regret—that same painful smile—fitted across his face. 'I like you, too,' he repeated like it would soften the blow.

It didn't matter how many times he told me. The once sweet words had left a sour taste in its wake. It didn't stop my breath from catching in my lungs. It didn't stop him from rejecting. And as quickly as our flame had been lit, he had blown to put it out.

HIDEYOSHI WAS AT school the following day. I had caught sight of him loitering around the Department of Pharmacy after I finished my second class of the day: my loathed biochemistry. He had been chatting and laughing with a group of his friends. The laughter stopped, though, once I made my way over and began punching at him. He swatting my hands away to deflect my rain of assaults. He had looked around for my notebook, no doubt wanting to ask why, but I'd readjusted my bag and walked away. It was a thanks for not forewarning me about making a fool out of myself.

Like he said, Kaneki had came to school that day. He strolled into Japanese Literature like he had never missed a class in the first place. The damned eyepatch was front and center. I was thankful that the seats around me had been filled. He sat a few rows back out of my sight. I'd sent a rescue text to Yumiko, and raced out of class when the professor wrapped up his lecture. He didn't have the chance to even look my direction.

She had saved me the moment I walked through the door. She was there waiting to give me an excuse to hightail it out of the Department of International Studies. I was glad that I could depend on her to be there.

We found ourselves sitting at a set of benches on campus. It was far away from where the first years usually frequented. Far away from those two boys. I knew that I was being childish for running away. I was doing the same thing that Kaneki had did when he knew. I couldn't help it. If it gave me a peace of mind, at least for now, I would give into my foolish wishes.

My phone flashed with a notification from Hideyoshi. He had asked what our altercation was about earlier. I had told him that it didn't matter anymore. He obviously didn't like my response, but nonetheless told me that he'd set aside time that weekend to hang out with me to talk. Even if he did, I wouldn't talk to him about it. Not if I wasn't one hundred percent sure he'd discuss it with his best friend.

Yumiko was paragraphs deep into explaining her birthday plans to me. It was next week—the beginning of September. It felt like time had been passing so fast. It felt like just last week it was the beginning months of the year that I was moving in. It was nearly six months ago. Nearly six months since that day Kaneki had got to know each other in the university library. I stifled a groan.

Yumiko smiled happily at me. 'Do you want to go to dinner with my family for my birthday? We don't know exactly where as of right now, but you're invited. Mom insisted that you came.'

'Sure.' I nodded. 'I wouldn't miss it.'

I had met Yumiko's mother a handful of times. She was all brown hair, big breasts, and long legs. She was gorgeous just like her daughters. She could have easily been a model if she hadn't chose to work in an office cubicle. She was kind and welcoming to me. Most times when I visited Yumiko and her sister, their mother was at work, or locked in her room sick again. I was glad that she wanted me there.

'Good. At least you'll eat. Something must've dragged you out of your funk.'

She didn't know the half of it. I took a moment to debate on whether or not I wanted to tell her. Part of me wanted to do like he said and pretend it didn't happen. If I didn't talk about it, the memory had the chance of disappearing. Though, the other part of me wanted someone to know help me understand why.

'Not really. I confessed to Kaneki,' I admitted.

My eyes nearly popped out of her eye sockets. She snatched the notebook from me so fast I was surprised it hadn't gave me a papercut. Surprise, disbelief, and excitement etched onto her face. 'What?' she demanded, and when I gave a single nod, she added, 'So, what did he say? What happened? When did this happen? How did you guys even start talking again?'

I sighed, accepting the page when she was done. 'We bumped into each other last night when I was coming home. We talked in my place. He apologized. I . . .' I felt a wince spread across my features. 'I kissed him. He said he likes me, too.'

Yumiko grinned. 'You guys kissed?'

I nodded.

'As in he kissed you back? Your mouth on his mouth . . . alone . . . in your apartment?'

I nodded again. It sounded a lot more intimate than it was when she put it like that.

Her jaw dropped. 'Oh, my goodness. It happened. So, are you guys dating now? What was the distress call about, then?' When I shook my head, her brows furrowed in confusion. The story didn't make sense to her. 'Wait, what happened after the kiss?'

My words were small on the page. 'He said he just wants to be friends.'

'Let me get this straight. You guys both admitted to having feelings for each other beyond the little friendship thing going on, and he wants to be friends?' She wrote so hard it tore a small hole in the page.

'He has a lot going on right now. He said he'd rather keep me safe and focused on school instead of him.'

'Ugh. Sounds like a bunch of excuses to me. I mean, I saw him earlier today. Why the hell is he wearing an eyepatch? That guy has officially lost his mind. That pipe must've knocked the sense out of him, too.'

I gave her a look. She shrugged. Too soon?

As much as I wished the events that I relayed to her were false, they were based upon a true story. It hadn't turned out sunshine and rainbows like the shoujo mangas and animes I watched. No amount of romance novels could have prepared me for the aftershocks of being rejected. It didn't happen in them.

I sighed, looking around at the scenery that was Kamii University. A few students lingered around, most in group, lost in their own lives. The trees that sat planted around still displayed the green leaves of summer. Some of them had already began to turn orange and brows to dress in the colors of autumn. Soon the seasons would change. Like spring, summer would come and go. Times would change in the windy days of September.

I caught sight of messy brown hair a bit away. My lips pulled up into a smile. Anzai. He walked across campus focused on his phone rather than the world around him. He bit down on his bottom lip to keep a deep yawn from escaping. He must have been between classes.

Yumiko's hands cupped around her mouth to shout in his direction. He kept walking, sending us a sideways glance as if he just knew we'd manage to find him. We always did. Green eyes rolled in defiance, and he walked the distance to bring himself over to us. He didn't bother putting his phone away.

"What do you want?" he signed and spoke at the same time. He stole another glance at his phone. "I have fifteen minutes before my next class start. How did you guys even find me? Do you just go hunting for me across campus or something? I take the long way just so I won't run into you."

He gave Yumiko a pointed look, and she shrugged, writing in the notebook, 'What are you doing after school?'

"I'm off, surprisingly," he signed and spoke.

'Do you want to hang out?' I asked in writing.

He shrugged, and glanced back down at his phone. "Sure. Meet me at the front entrance around four-thirty. We can figure something out."

MY LAST CLASS tended to end exactly around three o'clock. I kept myself busy in the library for an hour and a half catching up on assignments. I walked to the front entrance to meet my friends twenty minutes early. Fortunately, they were already there, seemingly engaged in an argument.

We didn't have a place to go in particular. The three of us threw out ideas while he walked through the streets together. The arcade? Window shopping? Another round of karaoke? Nothing stuck out too well. I had even suggested we turned around and head back to the library. Anzai protested saying he couldn't stand another minute in school. His brain was fried for the day.

I hadn't noticed along the way. I paid more attention to the drying puddles from yesterday's rainshower than where we were going. I let them lead me assuming that they would settle on somewhere eventually. Once I focused and seen the rounded off corner into an alley, where a whiteboard sign displayed coffees of the day, I frowned. Anteiku was one of the last places I wanted to be for obvious reasons.

I hadn't really came to the cafe since Kaneki's accident. There were too many other things going on for me to stop by. I had missed the smell of roasting beans and sweet pastries. The memories that the place possessed of my friends, our laughs, and conversations seemed to se set into the walls. I felt bad for not returning for so long. It was still the same place, but things were different.

Yumiko had called Hideyoshi to invite him with us. He would even be able to finally meet Anzai. She said that he declined; he didn't have any time to spare today. He had a club thing going on. Afterwards, he would be heading to work to pick up a part time shift. He promised to tag along with us next time.

I had debated on getting a job as well. Not that I needed it. My family's resort in Karuizawa brought in more than enough money for my mother to cover my bills while I finished school. It was one of her gifts to me. It would have been entertainment more than anything, which is what I wanted. I would look into it.

Anzai held the door open for us to walk into the cafe. His mouth had pursed into a flat line the moment his hand touched the handle. "I don't like to be here if I don't have to," he signed.

"Why?" I asked.

He just shook his head. We took up one of the empty tables by the windows. It was nice to have the view outlooking the streets. It provided a scenery to have in the background. Paired with the bustling shop, it was a college student's dream. Coffee, liveliness, and great aesthetics.

I placed the notebook down on the table with a pen. My hands dug into my bag to pull out the book that I had been reading that week. It was about a terminally ill boy and a girl who vowed to stay at his side. He had also been hiding the fact that he'd murdered her sister from her. It was a good story. Plain and outright sweet romance novels weren't something that I found interest in anymore.

'Anzai, are you going out to dinner with my family for my birthday?' Yumiko asked on the paper.

Anzai's shoulders heaved up and down with a sigh. His eyes had been skimming over the cover of my book. 'I know I usually do, but I don't know if I can make it this year. I might have to work. Your birthday is on the fourth. Rent is due on the first.'

Yumiko frowned. She and Anzai had been friends for years. They'd known each other since middle school, and been friends since they were teens. It was expected for him to be around her family. Though the fact that he was missing her twentieth birthday seemed to annoy her. I wondered just how many birthday dinners had to showed up to in the past.

I flipped to the page in the book that I had left off on. Right where the female lead had came home to find her boyfriend collapsed. It was starting to get to the climax. She panicked and tried to wake him up.

'My friend, Haru, thinks you're cute, Anzai.' Yumiko smirked.

He blinked twice and rolled his eyes, a crease settling between his brows upon a growing attitude. 'So what?'

I chuckled. If I had any idea what siblings were like, it would have been them two.

Yumiko rolled her eyes right back. 'So, should I tell her to go for it?'

His top lip twitched up into a grimace as if she had offended him. 'No. The hell?'

'What? Why? She's a cutie.'

'I don't care what she looks like. I don't have time. I'm not interested. Rent's due on the first.'

'Well, it looks like you have time to me. You're here with us.'

He shot her a glare, and I laughed. They were always arguing with each other. It reminded me of her dynamic with Hideyoshi. Rather, instead of siblings, Hideyoshi and Yumiko fought like an old married couple. I was beginning to think Yumiko was the common denominator; she was the problem.

The coffee shop was as busy as it usually was. There were four tables occupied in total. The television played shows in the background. The owner of the shop—a kind man with gray hair and tight eyes—left the subtitles on after I'd asked sometime during the spring. It brought a smile to my face. I may not have been to Anteiku lately, but it hadn't forgot about me. Or so I liked to think.

It wasn't necessarily the television that caught my attention. One of the waiters walked down the stairs leading to the upper floors of the cafe, where only employees were allowed. They were dressed in the same uniform as everyone else. Black slacks, a white long-sleeved dress shirt, a black vest . . . and an eyepatch. I winced. Of course he would be working here today.

Yumiko must have seen him, too. She jutted her chin in his direction, writing, 'Oh, look. He actually does work here. I thought it was just a rumor.'

I frowned and went back to my book. Hopefully, if I didn't look, he wouldn't, either.

Yumiko went on to tell us about Kouta. He was the man she had went on the date with that night at the outside market. They had hit it off and had their second date scheduled in two days. She was excited to spend time getting to know him. Apparently, he had his own one bedroom apartment and worked not too far from Kamii University. I was glad to know he didn't turn out to be a weird guy like her last blind date.

My phone flashed with a text message. My thumb swiped across the screen to open it. It was Kimi's name followed by an emoji of a girl in a lab coat. She asked for my notes from our chemistry class; she hadn't been there the past few days due to an emergency. I agreed. I would send pictures of them over as soon as I went home. As much as she always came through for me in that class, I would help her any way I could.

Anzai nodded after reading Yumiko's little essay on all things that were Hishiguro Kouta. 'He seems like a good guy.'

That sent her into another fit of paragraphs. A small blush settled on her cheeks at the mention of him. She was starting to like him badly. It was obvious in the way she praised simple things, such as the way his glasses sat on his nose. I wanted nothing more than for her to find happiness. She deserved it.

A waiter approached our tucked off table. I glanced up from my book. Kaneki stood there, notepad and pen in hand, mouth moving to ask the table questions. His eye, the one that wasn't covered by the white eyepatch, bounced back and forth from Anzai and I. A crease formed between his brows where they furrowed. His jaw clenched, unclenched, and clenched again. Then, he looked away from me, his hardened gaze choosing to focus on the older boy instead.

Anzai nodded his head once in acknowledgement of him. He leaned back in his chair to cross his arms over his chest, his shoulders squaring off wider and broader than they previously were. It was like he was trying to make himself seem larger, shedding the lazy posture he had when it was just the three of us. His mouth moved. Kaneki wrote something down on the notepad. He'd ordered his coffee.

Yumiko gave him her order as well. My hand moved to pick up the pen so I could order mine. He didn't bother staying long enough for me to write it down. He turned his back to the table and walked off.

Yumiko took the pen from me. 'Uh . . . maybe he's mad.' She frowned.

I huffed. It was one thing to reject me, but he had no reason to be flat out rude. I would curse him once he brought their coffees back to the table. There was no reason to be an asshole.

Anzai relaxed his posture. 'Why would he be mad?'

'He and Nana kissed last night. Then, he told her he didn't want to be with her.'

Anzai winced. 'Oh, shit.'

My face burned from humiliation. I snatched the pen away from them to scribble urgently over their words. It was bad enough that now Yumiko and Anzai knew about it. The last thing I needed was for the boy in question to come back and read the page. That would be the last straw. I would die right there on the spot. Yumiko would have to call my mother to tell her she would have to bury me.

'You guys are going to kill me,' I wrote, still scribbling over my words. 'I'm going to die of mortification. My mother would come after you two.'

Anzai shrugged, prying the pen out of my hand. 'I'm guessing you didn't take my advice and went to him first.'

I scribbled that out, too. He was right. He had told me not to tell him how I felt until Kaneki was ready. He told me to let him make the first move. Kaneki had made a move by apologizing and trying to save our friendship. Would the results have been different if I'd waited for him to confess to me first? Whatever the answer was, it was too late now.

'It's a long story that I don't think would be good to talk about at his job.'

Yumiko patted me on the back. 'When Hide finds out about this, he's going to lose it. Totally blow a gasket.'

'No, Hide's not going to find out. Don't tell anyone else,' I begged.

'Sorry, but it'll be on the news by midnight.' Anzai's frame shook with laughter.

Kaneki came back over to our table, and I flipped to a blank page. He didn't say anything. He lifted the cups of coffee off of the tray he was carrying, placing each one down in front of Yumiko and Anzai. The third cup was placed down in front of me along with a pastry. A French vanilla cappuccino and a cinnamon roll. My favorite coffee.

The smile he gave me was weak and short-lived. He didn't wait for a thank you. He walked away to take orders at another table. I blinked a few times in shock. So much for thinking he was an asshole. Him memorizing my favorite order, even including the dessert, was sweet. It was everything the Kaneki I knew would have done. I suddenly felt bad for vowing to curse him.

Yumiko sipped at her own drink. 'Well, maybe he's not mad after all.'

He texted me a few minutes later. 'I know you probably haven't ate today yet. Don't worry about paying for it. I'll cover it,' it read.

He was right. I had left for school that morning without enough time to eat anything along the way. Neither did I stop for a snack between classes. Despite not wanting us to move forward, he was still attentive and there for me, just like he said he would be. He was still my friend. I sent him a quick thank you and put my phone back down onto the table.

Anzai moved around his coffee cup. The liquid was black and smelled of a rich roast. 'Where's Megumi?' he asked Yumiko.

'She'd better be at home and not with that boyfriend of hers.' She looked down at the watch on her wrist. It was nearing six o'clock.

'She has a boyfriend? Boy, I'm getting old.' Anzai smiled.

The two of us spent the next thirty minutes engaged in conversation. We had long since finished our coffees. I had finished off the warm roll; Yumiko stole pieces here and there. Anzai declined every time I offered him some. He was content with his coffee.

We laughed. We argued. We debated topics that we had seen on the news panels. I enjoyed the time that I spent with them. Soon enough, Yumiko receiving a call had cut the conversations short. She'd gotten up to leave the table and take the call. She came back moments later saying her sister was locked out of their house. She had to go let her in. She packed up her bags and left us. After she paid, we exchanged our goodbyes, and she was gone. It was just the two of us.

Another waiter approached our table. He was tall with slicked back light brown hair, same colored eyes, and a big round nose. I noticed him from other times we'd stopped at Anteiku. He had even served us a few time. His coffee always seemed to be the best.

He went straight into conversation with Anzai. Anzai glanced over at me before his mouth moved in response. Their talk lasted a few minutes. The man left after Anzai handed him money to pay for his coffee.

Anzai stood up from his chair. He motioned his head to follow him. A bit confused, I stood up as well, following behind him as his legs strided over to the set of stairs at the end of the shop. The ones that was only employee access. The ones that Kaneki had came from earlier. The stairs that I had never gone passed.

He must have seen my face, for he signed, "Don't worry about it. You can come up with me."

I shook my head. "We can't go up there. It's for employees only. We don't work here." My hands moved.

"I do a little . . . volunteer work here from time to time. I know the owner. Koma, the waiter just I talked to, said it's fine. You can come with me. One of my friends is here. I think you guys would get along. I want you to meet her."

I gave in. I followed him up the wooden stairs to the second floor of the building. It was a lot more homely-looking than the first floor. It was a long hallway that had multiple doors stretched out along the length of it. I assumed some of them were storage rooms were they kept goods. It was a shock that I was up there at all.

He led me to the second door on the left. It was already slightly ajar. He pushed inside, leading me to large room. The walls were painted an old faded white. The chocolate wood of the floor paired well the the dark couch pushed against the wall right underneath an open window. The sun had already nearly set outside, coating the room in a dark amber glow. There was a table in front of the couch that held many books, drawings, pens, and notebooks.

In front of it was a girl. She appeared to be no older than thirteen or fourteen. She was doodling into one of the notebooks, her brown eyes concentrated on her movements. Short, light brown hair brushed her shoulders and hung choppy bangs over her forehead. She glanced up toward us, and once she seen Anzai, she smiled.

She shyly sent me a wave. I returned it with my own smile. She was adorable, and from the looks of it, she hadn't been expecting us.

"Hinami, this is Akamine Nana," Anzai introduced, signing and speaking at the same time for the both of us. "Nana, this is Fueguchi Hinami. I tutor her sometimes. She's homeschooled."

He moved the door back to its previous cracked open position and walked over to the couch. He didn't bother sitting onto one of the cushions. He sat on the arm of the couch in the same way my grandmother would have reprimanded me for. He urged me over with a wave of his hand. I closed the distance to the table.

I looked over the books that laid scattered across the table. A few of them were titles that I didn't recognize. One of them was a story that I had read my first year of high school. It was a story about a girl following her dreams after the death of her grandfather. It brought a knowing smile to my face. I bent down to pick it up.

Hinami said something to me. I pursed my lips since I couldn't read her lips, nor did I have my "I'm deaf" note. All I had was my notebook. I sat down beside her on the couch, and placed my notebook on the table. I used the pen to write down words that she could understand.

'I can't hear you. We'll have to talk like this. I'm sorry,' I wrote. 'This is a really good book. I loved it.'

Her eyes twinkled in agreement. 'That's okay! I really like it, too. I'm halfway through. Sometimes the words are difficult, but Anzai has been helping me. The new worker, Kaneki, taught me some words yesterday, too.'

I smiled at her. Anzai was right. It did seem like the two of us would get along.

She was so sweet and gentle. She was rather shy, very much so, honestly, but it didn't stop her from talking to me. She asked me many questions. The young girl was smart and desperate to learn more. She'd asked me about my hearing, if I had been born this way, and details of my condition. I enjoyed telling her because she listened. So did Anzai, joining in whenever he could have a teaching moment for her grammar

We talked about novels, life, and school. She wanted to know what college was like. I told her that it was nothing like it was portrayed on television. I gave her a few book recommendations. If she couldn't get her hands on them herself, I promised to send some with Anzai next time for her. That seemed to make her happy. From then onward she was nothing but smiles and scooted closer my way on the couch.

I didn't have that much interaction with anyone younger. I didn't have any cousins, or siblings, or anything of the like. I'd grown up with people older than me. Even out of my group of friends, I was the youngest one—younger than Kaneki by a month. It was refreshing to see that childlike wonder and innocence in someone. Hinami was delightful.

She pointed to a word in one of the thicker books she was reading. Anzai hadn't been paying attention. His thumbs were typing away at his phone. If he had been, he would have stepped in to assister her. But, he wasn't, and it was left to me to read the page.

'Do you know what this word means?' she asked.

I looked at it, and raised a brow. 'I think it could be translated to something along the lines of a rainbow after the rain. Like the sunshine after bad weather,' I wrote. 'Don't quote me on that, though. Kaneki would be a better person to ask. He's a literature major.'

Hinami nodded. She used a pink highlighter to mark the word on the page. She also wrote a note for herself in her notebook. I assumed she would ask him about it later when she saw him. Maybe Anzai would verify it for me.

We hung out with Hinami for about an hour. The sun had already switched places with the moon in the sky. Anzai had closed the curtains and flipped the light switch for us. It was getting late; it was nearly eight o'clock.

I had just finished explaining another page when the door flew open. I watched as three people entered the room. One of them was an older man with slicked back gray hair, tight eyes, and wrinkles. I recognized him as the man who'd turned the subtitles on the television downstairs for me. He was dressed in the shop's uniform with a kind smile.

The second person was a woman. She was very pretty. Brown eyes skimmed the room before landing on Hinami with a smile. Light brown hair was thrown over her shoulder with a hair tie securing it at the end. Though she was older, the resemblance to Hinami was uncanny. I instantly assumed her to be related to her. Maybe an older sister or her mother.

The third person caused me to look away. Kaneki's eye peered at me in confusion. His mouth parted to speak; I could make out the syllables of my name on his lips. Lips that had been on mine nearly twenty-four hours ago. Lips that tingled and zapped my heart awake like kickstarting an engine to a car. Lips that didn't want to do it again.

Perhaps he was confused as to why I was upstairs. It was for employees only, after all. I surely didn't work at Anteiku. The man at his side didn't seem to mind, though. His smile didn't waver as he looked over at us. I hoped he already knew that we were up here.

Anzai did the honors of introducing everyone in sign language and in voice. "Nana, this is Kuzen Yoshimura. He's the owner of Anteiku." He motioned his hand to the man, then moved on to the woman. "This is Fueguchi Ryouko. She's Hinami's mother." He motioned a hand towards me. I noticed he had skipped Kaneki's introduction. "Everyone, this is Akamine Nana. She's a friend of mine from Kamii. She's hard of hearing, so I'll have to translate."

I bowed, signing, "I'm sorry for intruding."

Anzai translated my words to them. Yoshimura waved me off. "Any friend of Anzai's is welcome here. I hope you enjoyed your time," Anzai translated his words back to me.

I nodded and smiled. Kaneki stood there as if he had seen a ghost. All color had drained from his face. Whatever he had expected to see walking into the room hadn't been me. I couldn't tell if he was upset by my presence, or generally uncomfortable by what had happened between us. Either way, I did my best not to look at him. I was there as Anzai's guest. Not his.

"It's getting late. I should probably get home. It was so nice to meet everyone," I signed.

Anzai translated my words, then translated Hinami's, "You should come back and read with me again one day."

I smiled. "If that's okay with everyone."

Ryouko, Hinami's mother, nodded. "Of course. Hinami gets lonely sometimes. I would love for her to have more role models around her," Anzai translated for her.

With goodbyes exchanged, Anzai and I left the room. We started down the long hall towards the stairs. However, I was well aware that we were being followed.

Kaneki stepped into the hallway after us. His brows were pulled low, and his jaw was clenching again. Anzai turned to look at him. Their eyes met in a stare that words didn't need to be said to describe. They had been giving each other that look since we'd walked into Anteiku. It was like two dogs fighting to see who would back down first. I had never known Kaneki to be the confrontational type. But, it was apparent that the two, be it however they met or whatever differences they had, had an unspoken clash.

Anzai's mouth moved first. They had a few words with each other. My attention bounced between them as if it were a tennis match. Their lips were moving too fast for me to keep up. Kaneki snuck a few glances over in my direction. He said his final statement, and Anzai waved him off, turning back around and heading down the stairs. I gave Kaneki a small smile before following down after him. Whatever pissing match they were having had nothing to do with me. It was time for me to get home.

Anzai walked home with me for most of the way. He didn't say anything else to me. I wanted to ask him what was going on with him and Kaneki. The both of them were my friends. I hope they didn't hate each other. But, I never did. It was honestly none of my business.

He broke off from me a few minutes from my apartment. He had to go the other way to get back to his place. I gave him a quick thank you for walking with me. He had went a lot further than he was supposed to. I appreciated him escorting me to make sure I was safe. Even if it hadn't been on purpose.

My phone flashed before I could make it there. With the press of a button, the screen turned on, displaying Kaneki's name across the screen.

'Let me know when you get home so I know you made it,' it read. Plain and simple. Nothing out of the ordinary.

My thumbs moved to respond. 'Okay. You, too.'

'How long have you known Anzai?'

I stared at the new message. It had came in the moment I'd pressed send on mine. It had caught me off guard. My face twisted in confusion. What did it matter? What did he need that information for? Why did he care? Anzai was my friend-he was all of our friend.

'I met him a little after I moved here. Why? What's going on?'

'Do you trust him?'

'He's my friend.'

He didn't respond after that. Not even when I texted him that I'd made it home. Not even when I went with Anzai to meet with Hinami the next time he went. He didn't say anything. All he did was send worried looks my way. What he had to be worried about, I didn't know.

Some of you may have noticed that the rating has gone down from mature to teen. I'm debating which direction I want to take the story. I'm leaning towards changing it back to mature, but feedback is always greatly appreciated!

Fun Fact of the Chapter: Yumiko's favorite color is green.