Hi,

I hope everyone is staying safe and healthy. I don't know about you guys, but I'm tired! Anyway, thank you so much for all of the love you give this story. Thank you for favoriting, reviewing, and following! I hope you like the new chapter. Let me know what you think!

Always and Forever,

Ari.

Warnings: Mentions of anxiety, silent treatment, bullying, emotional abuse, implied sexual relationships, manipulation, panic attack, abandonment, stress, abandonment.

Disclaimer: I only own my OCs and parts of the plot you do not recognize from the Twilight Saga.

Chapter 22: Worth It

"So it's not gonna be easy. It's going to be really hard; we're gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, every day. You and me... every day."

― Nicholas Sparks, The Notebook

2:22 p.m. Kim's House, La Push, Washington

I took her hand in mine, clutching it tightly. She wiped her eyes hastily, looking down at our hands. "I didn't tell Jared yet. I know he's gonna understand, but this is our future, and if I can't give him little ones-" She started sobbing again. I pulled her to lean against me, holding her tightly, running my fingers through her hair. "I may not want them now, but someday," She whispered, digging her nails into my arm. "How do I even tell him?"

"He knows how painful your cycles are... just explain to him what it is, and what the doctor told you. Jared will understand. But the doctor, he said the possibility of infertility, right?" She nodded against me, "that's not definite no, and there is still a chance. Our ancestors are watching over us, and when the time is right, they will be with you."

"I'm scared," She murmured, leaning back from my embrace. "What if-"

"What if you get to carry a beautiful baby in a few years?" I interrupted as I grabbed the wet wipes gently, starting to remove the traces of mascara. She sniffed, looking at her purple bedspread, grabbing my wrists. "It's okay to be scared. But try not to go down that path Kim. Possibility means it may happen, but it may not happen. I feel that the possibility of you having infertility is not going to be you."

She let go of me, "okay." I tossed the wipes in the trash, taking her hand. "Rys... can you call Jared for me and tell him to come to see me. I know I wanted a girls' day, but I need to see him. I'm gonna take a quick shower."

I nodded, pulling out my phone swiping past the notifications. I clicked on Jared's name as Kim disappeared into the restroom. I held the phone up to my ear as I picked up Kim's clothes around her room. "Hey, Laryssa, everything okay?"

"Hey, yeah. Kim wants to see you. Can you come over?" I murmured, placing her clothes in her hamper.

"Yeah, I'll be over in a few. You gonna stay till I get there?" He asked, and I could hear the guy's voice in the background.

"Yup, she's in the shower right now." I yawned, starting to stuff my things back in my bag.

"Is she okay," He asked quietly, and the voices in the background grew softer, and I could tell the others were listening in.

I pursed my lips, "she is struggling right now, but she has you, so she will be." I sat on her bed, slipping my shoes on.

He let out a small sigh. "I am worried about Kim, and I don't wanna pressure her, but she is not talking to me. I don't know what to do."

"Give her time. Kim knows, but I think she's ready now," I said, glancing out her window, seeing the grey clouds swirling in the sky. I silently hoped that it would wait to rain until I got home.

"I'll be there in ten," Jared said, and I frowned when the rain started to pelt against the window. "See you guys in a few." He clicked off, and I laid back on her bed. Pulling my keys from my pocket, fiddling with the key Paul left on my notebook. I didn't understand why he left a key for me. I let the key drop from its new place back on my key chain, trying to think about who I could call for a ride, but my mind was drawing blanks. I sighed, setting my keys back in my pocket, trying to hold onto the warm feeling in my stomach. It was only a fifteen-minute walk or ten-minute jog, and I could afford to get wet.

I shoved the thought away that Paul would probably get upset, but I couldn't call Paul since he was on patrol. I held my head up to peer at Kim when she returned to her room. "Jared should be here soon."

"I'm sorry. I know I wanted to have a girl's day, but I just want to talk to him." Kim whispered, tossing her dripping hair into a sloppy bun.

"Don't stress, Kim. I get it, and I want you to focus on yourself and what is best for you," I smiled at her, sitting up. "I love you, Kim, and I would do anything for you."

She sat beside me, resting her head on my shoulder. "I love you too, Laryssa." I shivered when I felt the water dripping from her hair onto my neck. I searched around her room, trying to look for her brush. "Can you braid my hair?"

I laughed, "Of course." I rested my hands on her shoulders, finally locating her brush hidden behind her hamper. I picked it up, holding in a yawn. I brushed her hair, working quickly to braid her long locks. I heard the front door open, and I could hear Jared's hurried heavy footsteps. I finished tying the bottom of her braid just as her door opened; I let my hands settle on her shoulders, trying to push all of my good energy to her.

Jared kept his eyes on Kim, never taking his eyes off her as he moved towards her. He set his hand on my shoulder, squeezing it in a quiet thanks as he kneeled to be eye to eye with her. I couldn't help my smile when I realized how much Kim had relaxed. I squeezed Kim's shoulders again, kissing the top of her head quickly as I grasped my bag off her bed. I left her room quickly, closing her door with a quiet click. I walked through Kim's home, admiring how much of a home it was. The ache in my chest came to life when I saw a recent picture of Kim with her family and Jared smiling wide. She deserved the world, and I knew she would get it. I shoved the ache down, borrowing Kim's umbrella. I opened the front door, making sure to lock the bottom knob. I opened the umbrella, holding it over my head as I stepped out of the warm house.

I bit my lip, bringing my bag closer, humming to myself as I avoided big puddles. I eyed the other houses, seeing smoke rising from some of them. It reminded me of our old family nights, where dad would start the fire, Jay and I would find games, and Grace would make snacks. The ache returned, and I decided to create new memories to help lessen the pressure. I started planning a game night. I wanted to start bringing back our traditions even though our family was broken. I pulled my long sleeve down, shivering slightly. I still had a ways to go, but the last thing I wanted to do was run.

"RYS!" I stopped looking around to try and find the voice. I shook my head in disbelief when I noticed Embry running towards me, steam coming off his body. He stopped under my umbrella, shaking his head splashing water all over me. Embry smiled at me sheepishly when he noticed my displeased look at his antics. "I thought you were with Kim," he asked, changing the subject, leaning down to accommodate his height under the umbrella.

I wiped my face dramatically, smirking internally when I noticed his wince. "I was, but Kim and Jared needed to talk, so here I am."

"Paul's gonna be pissed your walking home like that." I glanced down at my outfit, and my thin clothes were doing very little to keep out the cold weather. I could see why he would be upset. "Why didn't you ask for a ride?"

"It's not that bad; besides, I am almost home," I murmured, giving him the umbrella so he didn't have to lean down as much. "Now, all you have to do is not think about it, and he won't find out."

Embry snorted, "I'm not getting on his bad side; besides, he already knows," Embry gestured behind me to the woods. I cursed under my breath quietly, seeing a flash of silver, and I could see Paul's wolf watching me a low grumble emitting from him. I hated that he had to patrol in the rain. His fur was starting to spike, and water dripped from his face.

I pursed my lips, sending a glare to Embry, "I'm okay. Go back to patrolling." A low growl came from the woods, and I sighed heavily. "I will not debate this with you. I am fine. Go back to patrolling, and I will see you after." I turned on my heel, grabbing Embry's arm pulling him to walk next to me. "Traitor."

Embry grinned, his arm brushing against mine. I envied his wolfy temperature. I pulled my bag closer, ignoring my numb fingers, glancing at the woods and noticing Paul slowly slinking back into the woods. We continued walking side by side, and I could tell he wanted to say more, but he was trying to build up the courage. "He just wants you to be safe."

I smiled, brushing my hair away from my face. "I know. Paul worries too much sometimes." I wanted to frown when I realized that many of his worries were because of me. Embry snickered, slightly directing us around a big hole of muddy water. "Is it safe when you guys patrol?" Embry glanced at me with a frown on his face. "I figured you may know about what happened a few nights ago," I trailed off, wondering if Paul had shielded his thoughts. Embry's jaw tightened when I brought up the nightmare. "It's okay Em. I shouldn't have asked."

"We hunt cold ones... it will never be completely safe. We have each other, and we look out for each other, so there is a high level of safety. Still, I won't lie and say it's completely safe," Embry said, and I was thankful for the honesty. "Paul didn't shield it fast enough. I'm sorry."

I bumped his shoulder playfully, forcing myself not to be embarrassed. "I understand that not everything can be shielded, and I don't fault him for it. I think I freaked him out because he's hovering more than usual."

"Are you okay," Embry asked, gesturing to move closer to the sidewalk when a car came into view. I nodded, eyeing the car wearily. I didn't recognize it, and it was speeding fast down the gravel. "Rys?"

I turned my attention away from the car, hoping we wouldn't get splashed. "Oh yeah, I'm okay." The car sped past us, splashing the puddle at us. I wiped my face, peeking at Embry, noticing that he got the worst of it. The dripping of my hair sent chills down my back. I glanced back at the car, silently curing them out. "Stupid jackasses... I'm sorry, Em... C'mon, we are almost there." I could see the house at the end of the road, and I needed to get out of the wet clothes before I got sick.

"I'm more worried about you and getting sick because the last thing I need is any more bites from Paul... Race ya?" He held his hand out for my bag, and I raised an eyebrow at him. "I wanna give you a fair shot." Before handing the bag over to him, I weighed the pros and cons. Reluctantly, I handed the bag over to him. Embry hiked my bag on his shoulder and attempted to hand me the umbrella, and I reached out for it before bolting towards the house. The freezing rain pelted against me as I laughed, and I could hear Embry cursing in the background.

5:29 p.m. Chiago House, La Push, Washington

I pursed my lips, trying to figure out what I wanted to watch on TV. I glanced back at the door when someone tried to open the door but was stopped by the lock. I winced when someone started pounding on the door. I slowly got up from the couch, wandering towards the door. I peered through the peephole, stopping when I saw John and his bored-looking friend. John tried the door again before grimacing and taking his phone out of his pocket. I listened to my phone ringing, leaning against the sofa table.

"Laryssa?" His voice was muffled by the thick door, and it was like he pressed his lips against the door. "I know you are there. Open, please." I crossed my arms, moving back to the sofa. I laid down, straining to hear the muffled voices. I glanced at my phone when it lit up and buzzed rapidly on the table, and I picked it up, seeing multiple messages. "Little sister."

Fury tore through my veins at his pained voice. I inhaled sharply, trying to calm the fire. I took several deep breaths before I got up to open the door. I cracked it open, seeing John's smile. I wrinkled my nose at the heavy alcohol smell coming from him.

I glanced at John's friend, who remained impassive as he stared down at me. "What do you want?"

John's friend reached over, placing a hand on John, steadying him when he stood up quickly. "Why are you being so mean," John blubbered, trying to move forward, but his friend held him fast.

"He may have had too many," John's friend spoke up, his green eyes shining with frustration. "He wouldn't quit unless he came to see you." His friend looked apologetic as John draped himself over him. I could hear John whining into his neck, and I wrinkled my nose at John and his antics feeling a little bad for his friend.

I sighed, opening the door wider. "Follow me." John's friend nodded, putting John's arm over his shoulder and tugging him into the house. I closed the door, heading to my room, listening to the stumbled footsteps and quiet curses. I opened my door, letting him go through with John. John's friend let him fall unceremoniously to the bed, rolling his eyes when he had to take care to help John lay right. I bit my lip, covering him with the small throw I had. I pulled my trashcan closer to him, just in case he hurled. I glanced at John's friend, "Do you want something to drink?"

"Sure," I brushed past him, heading towards the kitchen. I could barely hear his footsteps behind me. "John mentioned you make pretty good hot chocolate. Would you mind?"

"No." I started gathering the ingredients, humming to myself. I glanced out the window when I heard the rain pick up again. He only had half an hour to go, and he was going to be tired, and I had John passed out in my room.

"I didn't realize how much I missed it here," I glanced over at John's friend making himself at home on one of the chairs, taking off his puffy coat, and letting his long dark hair out of its bun. I poured the milk into the saucepan, warming up the milk. "The Rez... I thought city life was for me, and I dreamed of getting away from here, but now I miss it."

"So I guess we have you to thank for the rain," I murmured, roughly chopping the chocolate, seeing him furrow his eyebrows. "Y'know it's welcoming you home." I stirred in the chocolate until it melted.

He snorted, "John said you were cheesy. Laryssa, that was so cheesy," I held my smirk, pouring the hot chocolate in a mug, setting it in front of him. "Thanks." He took a sip, raising his eyebrows like he was shocked. "Damn, he wasn't lying... This is good."

I bit back the retort that it was simply melted chocolate and milk, which wasn't anything special. "Enjoy." I set the dirty dishes in the sink, pulling my phone from my pocket.

"John really cares about you," He said, standing up quickly when I started to leave the kitchen, and I faltered, taking a few steps away from him. "Sorry, I didn't mean to frighten you, and I'm not going to hurt you. Did Paul hurt you? Is that why you're afraid?"

I rolled my eyes, scoffing at him. "I'm not afraid I am cautious. I don't know who you are... I don't even know your name." He held his hands up, "Paul would never hurt me. I'm so sick of the judgment. Y'know what... Get out."

"Wait... hold on. I'm sorry." He took a step back, holding up his hands. "My name is Troy Holt, Jenny and Matt's son, and I wouldn't hurt anyone." He took another step back, "I'm sorry."

He seemed genuine with his apology, and I let myself relax. "You should finish your drink, Troy." Troy nodded, taking a seat. I jumped when my phone blared.

I fumbled with it, answering it quickly walking to my art room for privacy. "Babe?" I pulled my phone away from my ear to check the number.

"Where are you calling from?" I put the phone back against my ear, closing the door, leaning against it.

"Sam's phone. I broke mine," He murmured, a small chuckle escaping him. "I stepped on it."

"Clumsy," I smiled fondly at the phone. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah, I just wanted you to know I will be covering for Jared. Well, another four hours. So, I'll be home late," I sat down, listening to the rumbling of thunder in the back. "I'm not clumsy, Rys... you hold that title, sweetheart."

"I'm sorry, who made who fall?" I snickered, listening to his deep chuckle that never failed to make my stomach gather butterflies. Part of me wondered if he knew that I was puddy for him. "It's good you can't get sick, babe," I said, listening to the rain slow. "Kim needs him today... I'm glad you have his back."

"She okay," He asked while I started picking at the dried paint on the desk.

"She will be." A soft knock sounded at the door. "Hold on one second." I stood up, opened the door, and saw Troy send me a sheepish smile.

"I'm going to head out. I just want to make sure you lock the door," I nodded, trailing after Troy. "Laryssa, I'm sorry about earlier. I didn't mean to overstep."

I pulled open the front door, "Thank you for the apology and taking care of him," I gestured in the direction of my room. "Take care." He nodded, pulling his coat closer to him. Once he was down the porch steps, I shut the door, bolting it. "You still there?"

"Who was that," Paul asked. I glanced at the kitchen, noticing he had cleaned the dirtied dishes.

"Troy Holt, the one from the beach with John yesterday. He brought John over, and I guess John got drunk, and now he's crashed out on my bed," I rolled my eyes. I had never seen John drunk before, and I was irritated that he had gotten to this state. The last thing that I wanted to do was take care of him. "So I will be taking care of him, I suppose." I tried my hardest to keep the disdain from my tone.

"Wanna talk about it? You know you could always go to my place, and I gave you a key." Paul's voice dropped, signaling he was around his brothers. "Stay there if you want."

I hummed, tucking my hair behind my ear. "Nothing really to talk about." I glanced down the hall, wrinkling my nose. I couldn't just leave him here, no matter how much I wanted to. "You have a comfy bed and the best socks and shirts." I knew I would stay here, but his offer sounded enticing. "But I can't leave him here."

There were low voices and shuffling on his end, and I could barely hear the voices talking about eating. "I love seeing you in my clothes," His husky voice cut through the phone, and my cheeks heated up. "Any way I can persuade you to go to my place anyway, so I come home to you in my bed, wearing my clothes?" I smirked, looking down at the floor; the warm feeling returned to my stomach tenfold. I wanted to go, but I couldn't leave John no matter how angry I was at him.

"Another day, I promise," I murmured, wanting to be with him tonight. I desired to wake up and fall asleep with him every day, not just some days. "Go eat, babe."

"I'll keep the vision in my thoughts until it becomes a reality," Paul sounded hopeful. I shook my head at his words going to the fridge, pulling out some eggs. "I will in a minute. Will you tell me?" I frowned slightly, knowing that he probably was having a hard time.

I heaved myself on the counter, resting the phone against my shoulder. "I trust you with everything I have. I know you have a lot of burdens on your shoulders, I can't take the weight from you, but I can support you with everything I have because you, my love, are worth it. You may be the protector for everyone else, but you are mine to protect. I love you, Paul. Always."

Paul let out a shuttered breath, and his end was quiet for a few moments. "I love you, Laryssa." I smiled, pulling my legs to my chest. I didn't think I would ever get tired of hearing him say the three words. "I have to go, my firecracker. I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

"I'll make us breakfast," I promised, tapping my fingers against the egg carton. "Stay safe."

"I will. Sweet dreams." I set my phone to the side when he hung up.

I hopped off the counter, putting the eggs back in the fridge. I trailed back to my room, seeing John hanging halfway off the bed. I sighed, fixing him, so he was lying right. I picked his phone up from the floor, seeing multiple unread messages and twenty missed calls, from ten from his parents, five from Troy, and the other five from an unknown number. I sat beside him, staring at his hair covering his face. I gently brushed his hair back, seeing the bags underneath his eyes. I hadn't talked to him since the beach. "We need to talk when you wake up." His phone buzzed in my hand, and I saw Troy's name pop up. I clicked the green button, "Hello?"

"Laryssa?" He sounded confused. "Sorry, John has the inn key, and I can't get in, but he won't answer the phone."

"He's still passed out." Thunder cracked in the background, and he yelped. "Not a fan of thunder?"

"Not really," He whispered, "Can I come by and pick up the card?"

"I'll do you one better. How about you stay with John here," I proposed so that I could surprise Paul at his house.

"You don't wanna babysit... do you," Troy tried to laugh, but he cut off into a strained whimper when it thundered again. "Be over in twenty. I'll bring food."

9:24 p.m. Chiago House, La Push, Washington

I picked up my bag, which I didn't bother to unpack when I returned from Kim's. John turned on his side, yanking the small blanket over his head grumbling under his breath.

I turned off the light hiking the bag over my shoulder. I opened Jay's room, frowning at the mess. I closed his door, mentally preparing for the argument he would give me when I grounded him for not cleaning his room. I grimaced, heading towards the linen closet. I pulled out two thick quilts, bringing them to the living room. Troy sat on the couch, flipping through his book.

"Here are some blankets. I would offer Jay's room, but I doubt you would be able to find his bed in there," I frowned, setting the quilts at the edge of the couch. "Unless you want to sleep next to John."

Troy bent the corner of his page, taking his glasses off. "Couch is good." I nodded, hiking my bag higher on my shoulder. "Leaving?"

I nodded, pulling my bag closer to me, checking the time. I had under forty minutes, and I could feel the excitement in my stomach. "Yup, have fun."

I grabbed my keys, slinging my jacket over my arm. "Laryssa?" I stopped, setting my hand on the doorknob. "John is sorry, and he's working up to apologize, and he's just thick-headed."

"I know. I grew up with John." Troy frowned, but I knew John wouldn't apologize if he was in the wrong, and he would sweep it under the rug and move forward. But I was past doing that. "I'm done excusing his behavior. He was wrong, and I won't bend for him."

"Good," Troy smirked, putting his glasses on and turning his attention to his book. "Laryssa, I know we got off on the wrong foot. I'm sorry it wasn't my place to say anything, and I hope we can move past it."

I smiled at him, "Thanks for apologizing." I tapped my finger against the doorknob, faltering slightly. "I don't see why we can't." I reached into my bag, stepping towards him as I pulled out my headphones case and held it out. The rumbling from the storm was still present, and I could see the tension in his shoulders and him picking at the skin on his nails. "These should help, and they cancel out all the noise."

Troy set his book down, taking the headphones. "Not a lot of people know about the storms makes me nervous. Can you please keep it to yourself?"

"Of course," I hiked the bag higher up on my shoulder.

"I know this is a little bit out of the blue, but do you think you would be able to stay?" His fingers tapped the case, and I felt for him. I could see the unease on his face, and he couldn't quite meet my eyes.

"I can't," The words were out of my mouth before I could think. I couldn't get Paul's voice out of my head, and my heart was telling me I needed to be with him. "It will let up soon. Try the earphones," I checked the time, and I needed to leave.

"I understand, thanks," He held up the earphones, smiling, picking his book back up. "Drive safe."

"Sleep well." I opened the door, rushing out into the night.

9:59 p.m. Lahote House, La Push, Washington

I yanked the shirt over my head, quickly sitting on his bed, trying to pull up his huge socks. I shivered at how cold the house was, and I made myself comfortable on his bed, propping myself up on multiple pillows. I brought my sketch pad closer to me, trying to finish my latest sketch. I wrinkled my nose at the scene before me, wanting to toss it out. I set it off to the side, glancing up around his room, feeling slightly uneasy, and I tried to tell myself that he gave me a key and it was alright I was here. I turned on his bed, staring up at the painting, and I could already see the next painting that I wanted to work on. I laid back on his bed, curling into myself, drawing shapes on the blanket. I sat up when I heard the front door open. I glanced in the mirror, wincing at how rough I looked. I took my hair out of its bun, sitting on my knees, freezing when Paul's door opened abruptly.

Paul stepped in, rubbing his head with a towel, stopping when he met my eyes. "Surprise," my voice sounded weak to my ears. "I know I said another day, but I wanted to make sure you were okay. So I thought, what the hell."

Paul grinned, tossing the towel to the side, walking towards me. "C'mere." I crawled to the edge of the bed, stopping before him. Paul put his hands on the sides of my face, leaning down to press his lips against mine. "You look so beautiful," He murmured against my lips. I leaned back, bringing him with me, "Can I..." Paul pulled back slightly, his lips staying on my skin. I hummed, closing my eyes when he found my sweet spot; I tugged on the hair at the nape of his neck. I hooked my thighs on his hips, pulling him closer. I felt his hand wander underneath my shirt, trailing against my skin. His thumb brushed against my breast, and he rolled his hips against me, causing a whimper to leave my lips. Paul pulled back abruptly away from me, "sorry... I just... shit... sorry, Laryssa."

"No, c'mere," I reached out to him, sitting up, my body felt like a live wire, and only he could help me. "It's okay. I don't mind. C'mere." Paul searched my face, slowly starting to come closer to me. "Please, I want you." I touched the side of his face, brushing my thumb against his cheek. He lowered himself back onto me, staring into my eyes.

He leaned down, brushing his nose against mine. "I love you, Laryssa." He took my hand, kissing it quickly before setting it on his chest over his heart. "All of me is yours, but baby, I'm exhausted. I want to be with you so fucking bad, but I... I-"

I smiled up at him stopping his struggle, tilting my head to brush my nose against his again. "It's okay. You got off a fourteen-hour patrol, Paul." I rubbed his cheek, switching our hands, so I held his and placed his hand above my heart, "I just wanted you to know." I squeezed his hand lightly, "Are you hungry or tired?"

His full weight came down on me, and he rested his head between my neck and shoulder. "I had a bad day today."

"Wanna tell me about it," I rubbed his shoulder, letting my fingers start to rub circles against his skin.

He shook his head against my neck, "I really wanted you to come when I talked to you earlier. I'm glad you came," His lips brushed against my neck when he talked. "I know I should've told you earlier, but I knew John was there drunk, and I didn't think you would've wanted to leave him alone."

I pulled my arms against him, holding him tightly to me. I didn't like that he pushed himself to the back burner. "Paul, you are important to me, just like Jay and John. I want to know when you have bad days and need me with you or good days, and you want me or just days when you need me. Don't put yourself on the back burner." I hated that he put himself there automatically, and I would make it my mission that it wouldn't be with me. "I want to be here with you, but I'm not a mind reader. Tell me when you want or need me, please."

"I will." Paul wrapped his arm around me, pushing himself closer to me. "I'll tell you what's going on tomorrow. Let's go to sleep."

I turned so that I was the big spoon and Paul was the little one. He intertwined our legs, and I rubbed his back. His breath started to even out. "Sweet dreams. I love you."

"Love you too."