"So, what happened?" Tori cornered her at the earliest possible moment the next day at school.
"Huh?" Jade delayed answering her. She knew the question was coming but she hadn't had five seconds to process last night let alone to come up with something to tell Vega. She was counting on Tori having had an overnight personality transplant and actually respecting their privacy for their first time in history.
"You and Beck? You went home together..."
She should have known it could never be that easy.
"No, we didn't," she insisted.
"Jade, I saw him get in your car," Tori looked at her incredulously.
"I gave him a ride," she shrugged, trying her best to walk away.
"Maybe," Tori chased after her, "But that's not all that happened. I can tell when you're lying, Jade!"
"Vega, leave it!"
The truth was, she had woken up in Beck's bed that morning, but not in the way Tori was thinking.
By the time they'd got back to the RV, Beck had almost entirely shut off again. He laid on the bed while she looked around the familar space. It was obvious to her from the disorganization of his ordinarily clean and tidy bedroom that he had been depressed for some time.
"For fuck sake, Beck. Why did you not say something?" She gathered a bunch of dirty laundry off the floor and shoved them into the basket.
He didn't reply, just staring up at the ceiling. His eyes glazed over.
Jade sighed and sat down on the bed next to him, placing her palm on his chest. She could feel his heart beating steadily beneath her fingertips.
"Everything feels so overwhelming and heavy and I don't have any energy," he exhaled.
"It's okay," she reassured him, her voice barely above a whisper. He closed his eyes and exhaled placing his hand on top of hers and intertwining their fingers.
"I'm so sorry," he apologized for the what felt like the millionth time. "You should go."
"I'm not leaving you idiot."
Okay, so that comment came out way harsher than she intended it to.
Beck stopped and looked at her with a frown before laughing exacerbatedly through his wet eyes.
"Did you seriously just insult me right now?"
"Just, shut up. I'm not going anywhere. Well, except to change."
She was still wearing the navy sequin dress Cat had insisted she wore for their performance and it was definitely not something she could spend the night here in. She grabbed some of his clothes from his drawer and changed into them in the bathroom.
When she returned, she lay down next to him on the bed and they both stared up at the ceiling of the RV in silence. It felt bizarre for her to be here considering until tonight they really hadn't been on speaking terms and there was a prominent and obvious space between them but for some reason, it wasn't nearly as uncomfortable as it should have been.
"Can I ask a question?" she eventually interrupted the silence. "You said you lied, that night you told me you were happy. That you couldn't feel anything.."
Beck nodded.
"You also told me you loved me that night,"
"I did," Beck replied.
"Was that a lie too?" she couldn't help herself.
"No, not at all," he turned to face her with a frown.
"But how could you know you love me if you can't feel anything?" She pointed out.
"Because, the way I feel about you is different," he stressed.
She didn't respond. And a part of her knew he needed her to say something back but she just couldn't do it. There was too much hurt and too much had happened.
Beck looked as though he wanted to say something else but decided against it. He sighed and closed his eyes, facing the ceiling again.
They lay in silence, both of them lost in their own thoughts.
Almost an hour passed by and she could tell he thought she was asleep when he eventually spoke again.
"I still love you," he confessed, his voice thick and low. "I think I always will."
She kept her expression as still as she possibly could, conscious of the unshed tears burning in a firey lump in her throat.
Because how could he mean that and still sleep with half the blue eyed brunettes in LA?
When she woke the next morning she was disoriented and she had no fucking clue what she was doing there. It was only when her eyes landed on her ex-boyfriend, who was still passed out beside her, that she remembered everything that happened last night.
She looked down at the red and black plaid shirt that she'd hastily borrowed to sleep in. She'd worn this one a hundred times. Hell, it was basically her shirt by the end of their three year relationship. But she couldn't help wonder if anyone else had had it on since the last time she'd worn it.
Her mind briefly flashed to the models, popular girls and cute doughnut shop girls and she had to get it off. She had to get that shirt off right now.
She slipped out of the bed and changed back into her own clothes.
When Beck opened his eyes, he frowned in confusion at Jade who was sat on the couch across from him, sipping coffee from his favorite mug just like old times.
"Oh shit," the memories from last night seemed to hit him in a similar way to her and he rubbed his hands down his face as he sat up in bed.
"Yeah, good morning to you too," Jade crossed her legs. This was awkward. Very awkward.
"How are you feeling?" she asked genuinely.
He answered automatically. "I'm okay,"
"Are you?" she asked sceptically. Their eyes met and he sighed.
"I honestly don't know," he admitted.
Jade passed him his mug of coffee which he accepted gratefully. He took a sip and closed his eyes, savouring the taste. Most people didn't know this but he was just as addicted as her - he just hid it better.
"Try and descibe how you're feeling," she asked him.
"I feel-" he shook his head, clearly struggling to answer this question. His head hung in defeat. "I feel like I'm drowning."
She was glad he'd reached out to her before this got any worse than it already was. She could tell he was trying, but he seemed smothered by layers upon layers of thick grey cloud. It was making it difficult to tell what was going on in his head.
"What do you want me to do?" She crossed her legs. "Because I'm scared you're going to do something stupid.."
Was she worried he was going to hurt himself? Honestly, yes. He'd never done it before but she could tell this was a new low for him and she wasn't naive enough to think he hadn't thought about it before.
"I'm not going to. I feel like shit but I'm not at that point," he insisted.
"Are you sure?" she asked seriously.
"I promise," his deep brown eyes met hers once again. She had to look away.
"Well in that case, fluoxetine it is then," she tossed him the antidepressants she'd found stuffed in the back of his bedside drawer.
"You always did have such a sensitive way of saying stuff," he shook his head.
She rolled her eyes and stood up. "What do you want to eat?"
"Jade, you don't have to do this," Beck sighed.
"What did you have for breakfast yesterday? Two cigarettes and a latte?" She raised an eyebrow at him. "Well? Am I wrong?"
Beck shook his head, seeming a little taken aback at being called out like this. She walked towards the door.
"Jade?" Beck called after her. She turned back to look at him and his eyes met hers again, soft and vulnerable.
"Thank you."
And she could tell that wasn't what he wanted to say. The l word was on the tip of his tongue and her heart ached in her chest but she still couldn't bring herself to say it back.
"Jade, hello?" she hadn't realised she had completely zoned out until Tori started shaking her arm.
She jerked her shoulder backwards and scowled at Tori.
"What did Beck want to talk to you about?" Tori rolled her eyes. She was once again, not taking the hint.
"Oh, he was just mad about the Moose thing," Jade told her the first thing that came to her mind. The truth was none of her business.
Tori stopped seriously in front of her.
"Do you want me to slap him?" she deadpanned. Jade suppressed a smirk and opted for a raised eyebrow instead.
"I'm serious! What a hypocrite! You get with one guy and he dares to say it hurt his feelings?!" Tori fumed on her behalf.
"As much as I enjoy the thought of all the slapping, that won't be necessary," Jade pushed open the classroom door and took a seat near the back. She was absolutely not in the mood for improv this morning.
Beck was a great actor. She could tell their friends wouldn't pick up on anything going on with him. He chatted with Andre and Cat the way he always did, laughing and performing. That charming, albeit fake smile making an appearance more than once.
And she didn't know how she was supposed to be feeling right now. She was extremely worried about him, completely in love with him and could not stand him all at the same time.
Sorry for the delay! This chapter was way harder than I thought it would be to write and I have been editing it all week long. Any feedback welcome and please let me know if you find it confusing as I can't decide if I like the flashback or not to be honest.