Malcolm Walker vs. The Parallel Universe
Chapter 1: "At the House Party…"
A few hours before the party…
"Do we really have to go?" Malcolm whined, covering his face with a pillow.
"If we have to? No." Arthur responded.
Malcolm gasped. "Really?"
MALCOLM WALKER
AGE: 24
THE MAIN CHARACTER
RATING: HAS SEEN BETTER DAYS, BUT STILL AWESOME!
"Yes. Now if we should is an entirely different subject. And the answer to that is yes. We should go." Arthur gestured towards the door with his hands.
ARTHUR EVANS
AGE: 23
MALCOLM'S BISEXUAL ROOMMATE AND BEST-FRIEND (POSSIBLY ONLY ACTUAL FRIEND)
RATING: EPIC
"… but we're not. Because we don't have to."
"Malcolm."
"Gah!" he covered his face once again. "I hate parties. I don't even like Susie that much."
Arthur merely raised an eyebrow.
"Anymore. I don't even like Susie that much anymore." He added.
"That's more like it." Arthur sighed. "Look I get it, but it's not like your ex is going to be the only one there. If we run into her, I'll just say you didn't come while you hide."
"And you expect that to work inside her own home?" Malcolm shook his head. "It still feels iffy." He groaned.
"Come on. Get dressed. It'll be good for you!"
"Yeah, as good as poison would be anyway." He sighed.
"Did you know antidotes are made with the very same poison they are meant to counteract?"
"No."
"I know. It was rhetorical. You never paid attention in class. Now come on. Or your breakfast cereal priviledges are withdrawn." Arthur took down the pillow Malcolm was using to cover his face.
"Ugh!" Malcolm slammed his arms down on the bed he was laying down on.
And that was how Arthur Evans got Malcolm Walker out of hiding and avoiding a party he didn't want to attend... Somehow.
Sporting a basic red tee, skinny jeans and a pair of red Converse All-Star shoes, the 24-year-old threw a coat on and headed down to the door, meeting Arthur who was already clad in a fancy dark blue button-up shirt, formal pants and classic shoes.
"My god, Malcolm. If I appeared next to you at that party with you dressed like that it would look like I found you in the dumpster right outside." He deadpanned.
"Hey, I'm going like this. Take it or leave it."
Arthur sighed and shrugged. "I guess I'll take it." He jerked the car keys to Malcolm. "You drive."
Malcolm shot a glare at his roommate but said nothing, taking the keys. He mumbled something under his breath that Arthur didn't quite catch as they moved towards the car, however.
It was 22:47 and the temperature was under 0º Celsius. The roads of Quebec by this time of the year were chock-full of snow and as such, Malcolm drove slowly. Either out of caution or in favor of delaying his impending hours of doom and suffering.
As they got closer, they began hearing a popular song among their peers bursting out of Susie's house which was now in close proximity.
"Ah… 'Clean Break' by ILIRA. I'm a fan already!" Arthur smirked as he burst open a can of beer. In the car.
"What the- Where did you get that? And seriously? Here? In the car?!" Malcolm protested.
"Hey, I'm not the one driving." He spoke before sipping his drink.
Soon enough, they parked in the next street right around the corner and made their way onto the front door.
"Do we really have to do this?" Malcolm pleaded to his friend.
Arthur gave him a 'are you serious' type of look and rung the doorbell.
The door burst open and the sound of the music nearly sent Malcolm flying, had he not grabbed the door frame. "Gah!"
"Oh! Malcolm! … Arthur." Arthur rose an eyebrow and lifted his beverage to the girl that opened the door for them.
SARAH BLAKE
AGE: 24
HATES ARTHUR. HAS A CRUSH ON MALCOLM.
RATING: COOL.
Sarah Blake went to college alongside Malcolm and Arthur. She was your typical goth girl with a taste for emo music, fishnet accessories and comfortable black coats. She had her hair dyed a dark purple this month.
"Oh. Neat color. Suits you!" Malcolm complimented after landing back on the floor, regaining his footing. "Righ-" he paused.
By this point, Arthur was already gone, presumably inside and drinking.
"Erm… He's gone." He said chuckling.
"That he is." Sarah smiled and grabbed Malcolm by the arm, pulling him inside. Malcolm shivered the cold away once inside the now heated home due to Susies latest AC model and left his coat on the hanger.
"Surprising that you're here, considering the type of music the party seems to be going with." Malcolm noted.
"I know! It was a last minute decision. And I'm doing it for Susie. She basically begged for me to come." A statement that made Malcolm chuckle.
"Funny it was the same for me with Arthur."
"Punch?" she rapidly presented him with a red cup that held within an orange-y into a pink-ish tint liquid and dropped a cube of ice in it, immediately taking a sip of her own drink while not taking her gaze off of Malcolm.
"Erm… Yeah." He nodded awkwardly as he accepted the drink. "So uhm… Why did she need you here?"
"I don't know, I didn't ask. I was bored so honestly I just kind of… accepted. But enough about me. Let's talk about you."
How it actually happened:
Su: 'Hey Sarah, wanna come to my party?'
Sa: 'Ew, lame.'
Su: 'Malcolm is invited.'
Su: '… IS THAT YOU ON MY LAWN?!'
"A-about me? Like what?"
"Like that time in High-School when the group of bullies was tormenting that nice old lady outside the school and you rushed in and beat them all up. ORRRR… That other time in Middle School when another set of bullies were tormenting that meek and geeky girl with glasses whose name I've forgotten and you beat them all up WHILE making it look like an accident. No one really knows how you did that but there it is!"
Malcolm was chuckling awkwardly "W-well it seems to me like you already know all of those stories."
"Can you tell them again? Please?" she batted her eyes while taking a sip of her drink.
"Uhm…" he looked around and conceded. "Fine, let me go to the bathroom first."
"Great! I'll wait right here." She sat down on the sofa.
Only now did Malcolm actually look around himself. The house was crowded and walking was difficult. As Malcolm traversed the corridor he came to a freeze once he looked forward. His eyes widened. A girl he had only imagined but never seen before up until this very moment.
A few years back…
Malcolm raised a sheet of paper with a diagram of, from what Arthur could understand or guess, a poorly drawn girl with long red hair tied in a ponytail, freckles, glasses and a plaid black and red skirt.
A: 'Who is she?'
M: 'The perfect girl!'
A: 'Ah, a fantasy. Got it.'
M: 'Gah!'
Breaking into a cold sweat, Malcolm chugged over half of his cup, making a mental note to refill later, he began clumsily making his way towards the girl.
"Hey."
"Hi."
…
"Did you know that some whales are actually dolphins? Like, despite being called Killer Whales, they're actually part of the dolphin family. Which if you ask me, makes total sense given how dolphins most of the time are the biggest twats of the sea."
"… I didn't actually."
"Yeah, I caught that on the Discovery Channel."
"You know this is the line for the girls bathroom right? The boys are supposed to go upstairs. Susie's orders."
"Gh-!" he paused. "I… didn't actually."
"Didn't you get the memo?"
"No… I'm a… plus-one. My roommate was the invited one. I guess he didn't give me the details." He cleared his throat. The girl was looking at him.
"Ahh… I guess I'll go. Upstairs then. Yeah. Nice talking to you, though!" Malcolm pretty much ran off.
The girl smiled and chuckled a bit. By far, this was the weirdest guy to try to hit on her. And in it's own messed up way, the most endearing.
Upon escape, Malcolm crashed into Arthur.
"Yoo! Malcolm!"
"Arthur! You're… drunk. Already." He nodded as he spoke.
"Hell yeah, buddy. Listen, it might be the alcohol, but I think I saw a… get this… a physical manifestation of your fantasy girl that you showed me a diagram of a few years ago. Isn't that crazy?!" Arthur chugged more beer before laughing.
"Y-yeah… totally. Crazy. Yeah." He nodded, awkwardly. "Hey look over there!"
"Wh-what?" Arthur turned. "Look at what? Malcolm?" Arthur turned back and blinking twice he could only make up the outline of where Malcolm once stood.
"… Dude. I just made a physical manifestation of Malcolm." He looked at the beer. "This is good stuff." And he chugged down the rest of the can.
Having escaped that nightmare, Malcolm figured that it was probably a good idea to flee upstairs into the designated male bathroom.
With great timing, comes great free bathrooms.
*ker-clink*
Malcolm was quick to enter and lock it as he stared at himself in the mirror.
"Am I imagining this?"
"You're such a bloody idiot." His reflection spoke in a botched up british accent. "I mean, whales? Are you serious? You're lucky she appears to have the brain the size of a dolphin's too to realize you weren't actually calling her fat with that one."
"… That's a good point. Damn." He cursed.
"Point is. It's real. Extremely so. Malcolm One. Be sure to not mess this up or else I'll mess YOU up."
"How do I even do it, Malcolm Two? I'm pretty sure I already screwed up."
"FIGURE IT OUT!"
Malcolm groaned, counting his maladies. "How did I get here…"
Now, in the middle of the party…
Malcolm quickly splashed water on his face and closed the tap. Luckily, he knew where Susie kept the stash of clean towels should a situation like this call for such a resource. Malcolm dared say this was one of those situations.
"Right. That's how." He spoke into the towel, shaking his head.
As he wiped his face, he caught Susie's scent from the towel. A surge of memories rushed through his brain as he quickly glanced to the mirror once more.
"No." Malcolm Two spat out with arms crossed, quickly vanishing afterwards.
Malcolm place the towel back down and took his red cup once more, now aiming to refill it.
The traversal to the refreshment table was uneventful outside of a few bumps into people here and there. It was now little past 23:30 and at a distance, glancing down towards the hall he noticed Arthur was hooking up with not only one but two people. Both a sharply dressed guy such as himself and a girl with short brown hair and a red skirt.
Malcolm immediately took down over half of his drink and took the chance to refill the cup once more.
His alcohol resistance was relatively high but he still figured he shouldn't tempt his luck. Not many people knew how he gets when drunk and the only person that could save him was drunk himself and needless to say, busy.
He sighed and looked over to the door this time. To his surprise, red-haired glasses girl was gathering her belongings and leaving.
Malcolm looked at his drink and sighed once more, this time with bigger pressure.
'Bottoms up.'
He took out the entire cup on one go. As he fought for air he rushed to the door, noticing the girl wasn't there any longer. He noticed Arthurs own jacket close to his and felt the car keys in his pocket.
"Good thing I remembered this." He said as he placed the keys inside Arthur's jacket.
Malcolm took his coat and without a single farewell to anyone in the house, he slammed the door shut and took off to the road and looked around.
After a bit, he noticed the girl going back the way he came and decided to run to catch up to her.
She heard his steps and looked back as he got to her side, catching his breath.
"Oh. Dolphin-boy."
"Oh, you remember." He responded.
"I mean… Yeah. It just happened."
"… that's true, I suppose. Anyway, leaving already?"
"Yeah… It wasn't being as fun as I thought. How about you? Leaving early too or just decided to stalk me?"
"Stalking implies watching you from a distance and following you everywhere you go."
"I suppose saying it's stalking already isn't exactly fair."
"Thank you? I guess?" he cleared his throat. "Erm… Here, I'll walk with you. At this time of night it might be dangerous."
"Hm… I think I would be fine. But it's still a little of a walk. I wouldn't mind the company, I guess."
"That's great! Erm. Malcolm. Malcolm Walker."
"Oh… So that's who you are. You're her Ex."
"Yeah… well… Like I was telling you earlier, I was a plus-one. Arthur asked me to come with him so I figured. Why not, right?"
"Yeah, why not?"
They walked in silence for two seconds.
"Ashley. Ashley Woods." She spoke as she kept walking forward.
ASHLEY WOODS
AGE: 24
MALCOLM'S ALLEGED IMAGINARY PERFECT GIRL
RATING: SUPER AWESOME
"Ashley…" he nodded, committing the name to memory. "Are you… from around here?"
"Yeah, I live right past the university."
"Oh, wait. Did you go there for class?" Malcolm wondered.
"Yeah. For like three months. Then I dropped out. It wasn't making sense to me."
"Then that was where you met Susie?"
"You could say that. She makes friends relatively easily, even though to the other person they might've just gotten the 'acquaintance' phase. I hope that bad habit won't come around to bite her."
"Yeah, I agree with you there."
"How did you two meet?"
"Oh, you know… School. I like the leave the past behind."
She snorted. "Yeah?" and then she paused.
"Yeah." He answered looking down.
"Don't worry, I do that too. Some things are better left as water under the bridge, isn't it?"
Soon enough, they were nearing her apartment and Malcolm realized that she was pretty much just a block away from his own house that he shared with Arthur.
"How have I never seen you before? You live right next to me. Just a block away."
"Well. I don't go out much. I work from home and like I said I dropped out early."
"Wow, you have a job that lets you work from home?"
"The office days are over, Malcolm. Thankfully. I don't believe a single soul below the age of 45 liked a second of it."
Malcolm chuckled as he nodded and agreed. "So uhm… Would you uh…"
"Pick me up at 14." She smiled.
"14. Got it. Uh huh. Yup! I'll be here." he nodded ecstatically. His internal meter of excitement was constantly hitting the max.
"See you tomorrow, Malcolm Walker." She smiled as she entered her complex.
Malcolm stood there contemplating what had just happened. He then ran home, locking the door and immediately diving into bed.
"… Goddamn it, I forgot about Sarah."
Back at the party…
"Hey Sarah!" Susie appeared near the couch Sarah was still sitting on, despite it being short past 01:00.
SUSIE RIVERS
AGE: 24
MALCOLM'S EX
RATING: ARTHUR THINKS SHE'S EPIC
"Susie! Hi! Does my breath smell okay?" She puffed her breath to Malcolm's ex.
"Gah! It's fine, bar the faint smell of alcohol and…" she sniffed. "God, is that regret?"
"Regret? No! I'm just waiting here for Malcolm, he just went to the bathroom."
"Malcolm? Erm… I hear he was caught leaving after Ashley."
"…"
"Sarah?"
"…"
"… Hello?"
"I need to go to the bathroom." She got up and rushed inside the bathroom, locking the door, leaving Susie by herself.
She sighed and sat down on the couch Sarah had been sitting on for the past two hours.
"Malcolm, you never change." Susie shook her head in what one would assume was bitterness and disapproval.
Arthur waltzed in, with a tie around his forehead like he was Daniel-san from the popular movie from the 70's, Karate Kid. He hiccuped. "Heyyy, Susiiie."
"Hi Arthur."
"Did Malcolm…" *hiccup* "Is Malcolm here?"
"Malcolm has left already, Arthur."
"Daaaamn…" he sat down on the couch and leaned back. "Goodness the years are making themselves felt…"
Susie paused. "Wait… It was you with Becky and Sam earlier right?"
"Uh… That's their names?"
"… oh boy." Susie massaged her temples. "Tell me I don't have to clean anything up."
"Oh no, no, no. Trust me we made sure nothing was wa-"
"Do not finish that sentence, Arthur Evans."
Arthur made a motion that resembled a zipper over his mouth.
"By the way, Susan." He had a hiccup. "Ashley." He hiccuped once more. "Who was she exactly?"
"It's… a long story."
"How long…?"
"Eh… probably worth its own page or two."
Arthur exhaled with surprise. "That's long. Like really long."
"That's what she… he…? said."
"That's what they both said." He tipped his cup to Susie and motioned to take another swig, until Susie intervened and took his drink away.
"That's enough alcohol for a day." She placed the cup on the table.
"Well… Out with it then. Not like I'll be leaving until morning. Not in…" he hiccuped. "In this state."
Susie sighed as she leaned back.
"So we were in middle school. Back then Ashley was on a sister class to our own. But we had P.E together since the court was big enough, unlike the classrooms."
"Heh… Good ol' Badger High." Arthur shook his head, recalling fond memories. But then he probably recalled ones that weren't so great simply downright horrendous given his constant degrading expression the further he kept thinking.
"So one day we were in P.E and it was dodge-ball day." She took her own cup to her mouth. "Our class beat their class pretty bad and when the game was over the professor had to take a leak or something so he left us there with no supervision. Only God knows why. As such the more… let's call them mischievous kids, took balls and decided to pick on this weird, nerdy and meek girl by tossing balls at her in close range."
"OOOOOOHHHH!" Arthur realized out loud. "Yes, of course. Everyone knows that story."
"Everyone except both of them it seems."
"Malcolm isn't exactly one to brag about it either, but…"
"So Malcolm, as you may already know, beat them all up and fled the scene next to his own class. It's a miracle how no one ratted him out. The others out of respect or the bullies themselves out of fear of what would happen next if they did. Regardless, Ashley was the girl that was being bullied."
"I think I recall that girl. I was a year below you so I don't really know the specifics. But she looks different."
"Oh, she does. It was an intentional change I think."
Internally Arthur, despite his drunk meter being through the roof had his subconscious working, albeit slowly, on a deduction.
"Wait a minute… Is that why…" he gasped.
"What?"
"Nothing! Something I should speak with Malcolm, you know, given the chance. Dude stuff, you wouldn't get it."
"I'm not sure I want to get it."
"Then there you have it." Arthur smiled with his body waving from side to side.
"So that's that, I suppose." Susie nodded.
"Why did you two break up, Susan?" Arthur asked.
"Erm… Incompatibility? At least we wrote it up to that. I'm not going to point fingers. We both had our share of misgivings to one another."
"That's surprisingly mature of you."
"Thanks I- Wait, surpri- Ah!" she was interrupted as the door to the bathroom slammed open, startling the people that were still up.
"Uhm… Sarah? You alright?" Susie poked her head to the side. From the bathroom, an aura of pure determination made itself felt across the living room.
"I'm going to him." Sarah spoke marching to the door.
"Woah, woah, woah! Let's not be rash here." She stood in front of the door.
Sarah stared at her with skulls and crossbones in her eyes. "Move."
"Yes madam." Susie sidestepped quickly with a terrified expression.
Arthur stared at the event before him. His reaction was merely to send his head back onto the back of the couch and begin snoring.
As Sarah marched through the snow, it melted with her every step.
Susie closed the door and began running options through her head. Having caused this herself by baiting Sarah over with Malcolm, she felt as if she needed to stop the impending crisis. But that was when the doorbell rang and she opened the door.
"Arthur where do you and Malcolm li-" she stopped and stared at the now snoring Arthur.
"You can have my bed." Susie brought Sarah back indoors, patting her friend on the back and locking the door.
Somewhere else...
"Gentlemen... it seems we might have a game on our hands after all." The shadowy figure at the far side of a big rectangular table spoke to the other six present individuals shortly before erupting into a cartoonish evil laugh.
NEXT TIME: Malcolm's and Ashley's Date!
A.N: Unsure if the site allows mentioning actual music in the fic, but we'll go with it for now. Feel free to go on YouTube and listen to the song that gets mentioned. Or not, if that's what you prefer going with, that's perfectly fine!
Wrote this one a whim due to SPTO reigniting my love for the franchise completely.
See you next time,
~tTM