Chapter Fifteen:

Danger in The Cyber-Tunnel

In the lush countryside of the Mushroom Kingdom, in the house of Mario, a green-clad Italian lay in bed as he napped peacefully. The alarm clock sat still on the desk by the bed, blinking as it showed the current time, then it began to buzz when the time changed, and the sound filled Luigi's ears.

Luigi awoke with a yawn, then he hopped out of bed, and slipped on his hat. He stretched and groaned, feeling content that he'd enjoyed a peaceful nap. However, his smile faded when he noticed there had to be something missing. He looked at the top bunk of the bed, then he looked around the kitchen, it was too quiet.

And, on top of that, Mario didn't seem to be anywhere.

Usually, it would be a good thing, but Luigi cared about his brother. He picked up his phone and dialed SMG4's number, Luigi listened to the sound of the GameCube intro playing, and the meme man's automated voice soon spoke; "Hey, its me, sorry I can't answer right now. Looks like you got an answering machine..."

'Mama mia.' Luigi thought, SMG4 usually answered the phone, but the fact that the meme man wasn't answering was a real cause of concern.

He tried again. This time, he called Mario, no response. The only thing Luigi got was a recording of Mario saying; "Looks-a like Mario can't be bothered right now when he's playing with his salami, let's try again later, mamaf***er!"

Jeeze, why couldn't his own big brother be more polite?

Luigi gave up and grabbed a broom, then he started to sweep the floor. Unbeknownst to him, a piece of paper had landed on the window, showing an image of Jeeves holding a golf club and the words; "Upcoming Golf Tournament, sign up soon."

With Melony's fingers tapping the keyboard at an impressive rate, the VPN flew through the mysterious code-filled cyber-tunnel. At first there was just darkness, then green linings appeared. It was like going into a computer, and accessing a massive program. Even then, all of this was nothing compared to the cathedral, which had coding symbols covering its walls.

The Dark Web was seemingly more mysterious than dangerous, the people inhabiting the land had to have gone mad if they were going to etch coding symbols into a church's walls. And this tunnel, it seemed to be part of some kind of machine.

On many an occasion, once in a blue moon, SMG4 had pondered the mysteries of life. He'd seen The Matrix and its sequels, which delved into the idea of everyone lived in a virtual world. Given how wild the world was, he would often wonder if everything was all a simulation, if he'd actually been plugged into some type of lotus-eater machine his whole life.

And looking at the tunnel, the meme man was reminded of the Final Destination arena where Smash battles took place. Then again, perhaps it was only mere coincidence that the tunnel and Final Destination were similar.

Mario, SMG4, and Axol stood near Melony, ready to protect her from anything at any time. Bob looked at his tabloid, probably to see random crap on the Dark Web. Whatever he was looking at, it was likely one of Butter Birdo's wacky butter-stomping live-streams that the foul-mouthed Garo seemed to enjoy so much.

The Cyber-Tunnel stretched ahead, and it seemed to go on for miles. This area felt like a portal to another realm, but all tunnels led somewhere and they never went on forever. Never in history had there been an endless tunnel, and bottomless pits technically did not count as those.

"How much further, Bob?" SMG4 asked with slight unease. The VPN seemed to be moving at a slow rate, despite Melony's typing speed, and the spot where the meme guardian's USB pod was awaiting the group somewhere beyond the tunnel. Hopefully, the 'Guardian Pod' hadn't been picked up by scavengers or exploded into several pieces.

"AlMoSt ThErE." Bob replied. He was hardly giving SMG4 any attention at all, the ex-rapper's eyes were hard fixed on his tablet, and Bob was deeply invested in Butter Birdo's stream.

Mario looked at the Garo with a raised eyebrow, then he heard a whirring noise, and turned around, just as a floating monitor with a cracked screen appeared next to the VPN. Melony kept clicking at the keyboard and didn't seem to notice, even though she paused with a frown at one point before going back to what she was doing.

"CRAP! IT'S A DARK WEBSITE TRYING TO CONNECT WITH OUR VPN!" SMG4 yelled, "Those are very damn bad..."

The monitor beeped, then the screen lit up, and began playing none other than the infamous Sonic Paradox scene of a shirtless Eggman dancing with Snively. Sonic Paradox was known for all sorts of things, but the very sight of Doctor Eggman dancing without a shirt was notoriously cringe-worthy.

Melony, who hadn't seen Sonic Paradox, looked at the image with confusion until Axol rushed in to cover her eyes. Mario and SMG4 screamed, trying to look away, but the footage had burned into their brains and the fat Italians were cringing. Bob, who'd seen a lot of stuff online, didn't seem to be bothered by what he was seeing.

"I dOn'T kNoW wHaT tHaT iS sUpPoSeD tO bE, bUt I tHiNk ThAt'S kInD oF hOt." Bob quipped.

Seconds later, the VPN began to shake and SMG4 yelled that they'd hit a Dark Web onion dump. Potato-like objects began falling onto the ship like dried rain. Mario, SMG4, Bob, and Axol took action, kicking away the onions that fell onto their ride. However, a pair of onions settled on the VPN and came to life, shape-shifting into various forms.

One onion turned into Tails Doll, then another turned into Wario's head, and another turned into a bloody Tellytubby. Another onion took the form of an ugly gingerbread gnome thing as well.

"If Melony sees any of these things, this whole ship's going down!" Axol yelled urgently.

Tails Doll held up a buzz saw and ran right for Melony with the intent of maiming her, but Bob stepped in as fast as possible. He casually told the watermelon-turned human that they were having a good day, making sure she didn't spot the Tails Doll behind him, and Melony kept clicking at the keyboard.

Bob turned to confront the Tails Doll and the battle became one-sided with the latter kicking the Garo in the groin, just hard enough to send him flying across half of the VPN.

"Ow, My OvAl EgGs!" Bob exclaimed.

The Garo quickly recovered and fought back against the Tails Doll, slicing off the creepypasta fox's hand with his blade hand while getting rid of the buzz saw. He brought up his sword, and sliced the Tails Doll's head off before Melony could even see it.

Mario faced the Wario Head, who stared into the dim-witted Italian's soul in an intimidating manner, and the creature charged at the spaghetti-loving designated hero. The entity wasn't the real Wario, but it could imitate Wario to an extent. Mario was hardly fooled by the voice, despite his low intellect, and he made an effort to keep that thing from coming near Melony.

Dark Web Wario opened his mouth and tried to bite the plumber, but Mario slugged him in the jaw, and sent the entity spinning. Fake Wario Head snarled and moved towards Melony, who was hard-focused despite the chaos going on around her, but Mario moved fast, and stepped in front of the ugly mug.

He grabbed the creature by the nose, made sure his grip was hard, and began to spin like a wheel. Mario pretended he was fighting Bowser again, the Wario Head was Bowser, and the cyber-tunnel was one of the boss arenas. Mario spun faster, and faster, then he threw the Wario Head off the VPN as hard as he could.

"So-a long, eh, Wario!" Mario cried.

Melony looked up from the terminal, watching the Wario Head crash into the tunnel wall. She raised an eyebrow, then she shrugged, and went back to her work. Unless it was secretly sentient, that VPN was not going to hack and run itself.

SMG4 and Axol faced the ugly gingerbread gnome thing, which looked ridiculous at first, and the two friends started to laugh until the monster attacked. It pounced on SMG4 and bit into his face, causing the meme man to yelp with shock. Axol moved fast and knocked the creature away with a judo kick, protecting the Mario-looking YouTuber from further harm.

Bob prepared himself for the other horrors brought on by the Dark Web onion dump, his blade glinted, and he watched as one of the onions turned into a Garo, one wearing purple robes and a golden mask stained in blood.

Just looking at him, Bob recalled that the other Garo warriors were found in Ikana Valley in Termina. And aside from his father, Dob Bobowski, who'd been spending many years behind bars, Bob hadn't encountered any other Garo. He knew the Garo Masters were superior to the Garo Robes, but this was one master he was not going to answer to.

The bloodied Garo Master prepared its blade and advanced on Bob, but the seasoned Garo hobo was already prepared for its attacks. Bob slashed at the Garo Master, who blocked the incoming blade, and his foe retaliated by slicing at Bob's face.

Luckily, the Garo missed. Bob fought back, he clashed with the Garo Master with their blades swinging until the not-so big Bobowski found his mark and impaled his foe. He kicked him off the VPN, then he turned around and sliced up another Tails Doll that had spawned from the onion dump. How many of those things were there?

Just then, Bob heard a voice call out to him. His eyes lit up, not only was the voice female, but he knew that voice just as he knew Swagmaster's voice.

"BaBe, Is ThAt YoU?" Bob asked.

He turned and saw that a portal had opened. And, right there, holding a piece of butter, was Butter Birdo. She gestured to the ex-rapper to come here, to join her, and Butter Birdo's invitation was something that no one like Bob could resist.

"ScReW tHiS!" Bob declared, "YoU'rE oN yOuR OwN, MeLoNy!"

And, before anyone could protest, Bob jumped into the portal with Butter Birdo, leaving Mario, SMG4 and Axol as they fought off the enemies while Melony continued to work at the VPN's terminal. Sonic EXE emerged from an onion with glinting claws, ready to terrorize the gang, but Mario was not about to let a creepypasta version of his rival give Melony a case of nightmare fuel.

The fat Italian helped SMG4 kick a demonic bootleg creature off the VPN, then he moved to engage the red-eyed hedgehog monster. Mario slapped Sonic EXE in the face, which made the hedgehog tilt his head, then the monster opened its mouth wide and tried to bite Mario.

"Eat-a this!" Mario grabbed an onion and shoved deep inside EXE's mouth. The monster began to gag and choke, then he fell off the edge of the ship and into the abyss.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Mario, SMG4 and Axol turned in the direction of Melony's scream, seeing that the scary blood-stained Tellytubby had approached her and was now eying the watermelon waifu with a hungry snarl. They had to act fast. Axol did a Naruto run towards the terminal and kicked the Tellytubby demon in the groin, sending it flying into the abyss beneath the VPN.

Luckily, Melony wasn't hurt, she'd only been startled by the Tellytubby, and no real harm had been done. Axol summoned a chonk version of himself through a variation of his special chonk move to make Melony feel better, then the watermelon-turned hacker got right back to hacking.

Axol, Mario and SMG4 fended off the other onion dump horrors until the VPN's computer beeped and a message said; "Hack complete."

"We made it." SMG4 said happily.

Mario got rid of the Dark Website monitor that had followed the group, while the onion dump horrors, consisting of a creepy-looking Spongebob, another Wario Head and a gingerbread gnome, jumped off the VPN and into the darkness. The ship flew to the end of the tunnel, flying through the appearing portal that would lead the group to where they needed to go...