The Prince, the Princess, and the Other Wizard
By
UCSBdad
Disclaimer: Castle is magic, but I have no magic. Or Castle. Rating: K+ for language Time: A few months after The Princess and the Wizard.
The next morning, they resumed their journey. The further they got from the gate; the better things were. The rain stopped, the sun came out and the trees along the road had lots of green foliage.
"Things are getting better." Rick said.
"I hope that doesn't mean they'll get worse soon." Kate replied.
Regrettably, Kate was right.
"People ahead of us." Pappy Brown said over the radio from the lead tank. "A bunch of old geezers but wearing armor and carrying weapons."
"They don't look dangerous." Castle said, looking at them through his binoculars. "Not that that means shit around here."
"I think I know what happened here." Kate said. "Let me go talk to them."
"You sure?"
"I have my AK 47." She said and hopped down from the command track.
She walked over and spoke to several of the elderly men, then came back.
"Bad news. A month ago those old men were all young warriors in their twenties. They ran into the Slutty Singing Seductive Sisters."
"And?" Castle asked.
"When the Sisters sing, men can't help going to them. When the men get to the Sisters, they use magic to steal the life force from the men. According to the men, the Sisters are about six miles down the road."
"So, what do we do?"
"Duh." Kate said. "We use women."
"Do we have enough of you?"
"According to the men over there, there are only four Sisters. We'll be fine."
Rick wasn't sure about Kate's idea but didn't have a better one. Both Kate and Alexis the Red had AK 47s and Ann was given the sawed-off shotgun. Medusa was given a quick briefing on the 1911A1 Colt .45 pistol and off they went.
"Princess Kate, can I ask you a question?" Ann said.
"Sure. And out here you can call me Kate. Back at the palace things will have to be different, but not here."
"What's it like to be married to a wizard like Prince Rick?"
"He's not a wizard. Back on his Earth magic doesn't work. They have what they call science instead. Rick has tried to explain it to me. The vehicles are run by something called diesel engines which turn the wheels which make the tracks go."
"Diesel?" Medusa said. "Is that anything like a demon?"
"No, not at all. Rick's tried to explain to me how the radios work and the weapons and medicine and everything else, but it's very hard for me to figure out. But, to answer your question, the moment I saw Rick I felt a connection. I knew we'd be together; I didn't know at the time if that meant we'd be comrades in adventures or husband and wife. But he's the best comrade I could ask for and the best husband. He'll make a great father, too."
"A father?" Ann said. "Are you pregnant?"
"No, but I want to be. Rick gave his word to his country to fight for them in a place called Vietnam. My mother has said she'd try to send him back there, but so far, she's had no success."
"Let's hope she never has that kind of success." Alexis the Red said. "I don't want my boyfriend Kemper leaving. He's a lot like me. We're both from very poor farm families and became warriors to escape poverty. He became a warrior through something called the draft. I really didn't understand how that works, but apparently the government sends you a letter inviting you to become a warrior."
Ann nodded.
"They probably have so many people wanting to become warriors that they have to be selective. Some become warriors and some have to stay on their farms, or blacksmith shops or whatever."
"Makes sense." Medusa said.
"Joe had a girlfriend back on his Earth, but she wanted him to become something called a hippy. I didn't really understand what those people were, but I'm glad Joe could become a warrior and come here."
"Now you have Joe and his poor girlfriend back on Earth loses out." Ann said.
"I really like Kevin." Medusa said. "Because we're so all crammed together, we've hardly had time for sex, but he really made me come like crazy. Of course, I haven't had sex for years, except with poor Julius and that hardly counts."
"Julius?" Kate asked.
"A really nice guy. I told him we could have sex if I wore a blindfold, and it worked just fine until he got too excited and accidentally knocked my blindfold off. All of a sudden there I was, bouncing up and down on a statue. Of course, he was still in my bed, and he still had an erection, but it's really hard to cuddle up to a stone statue, especially in the wintertime."
"We all have to make sure our men are protected." Kate said. "They're very powerful, but they don't know this place like we do."
The other women all agreed.
Eventually, they came to the four Singing Slutty Seductive Sisters.
"What do we have here?" Said one of the sisters. "A delegation from the Flat Chested tribe?"
The other three sisters laughed.
"Not very funny." Kate said, "I'm Princess Kate, daughter of King James XVII who rules the Valley from the mountains to the Endless Ocean."
"I'm Jacinda of the Fabulous Boobs, but you can see that, can't you? These are my sisters, Lacinda of the Amazing Boobs, Yacinda of the Spectacular Boobs and Karen of the Above Average Boobs. She was the runt of the litter, so to speak."
Karen stuck her tongue out at Jacinda.
"There are some men coming this way and we're here to make sure that nothing happens to them. We're women, after all. Your songs won't affect us."
"Oh, we have songs for women." Jacinda said,
But before the four could begin to sing, Kate punched Jacinda in the mouth, loosening a few teeth. The Slutty Singing Seductive Singers may have been excellent at singing at men and taking their life force, but as fighters they were definitely second rate. In seconds they were on the ground and Ann was using some magical zip ties she had left over from the time as a cop in Surf City. Kate and Alexis had something called parachute cord that they'd gotten from Rick and tied the women more securely. They tore strips of clothing off the Sisters' clothing to make gags.
"Now, "Kate said, "If you bitches make one move, one teeny, tiny move, I'll kill the lot of you." She then sent Medusa back to tell the men that everything was ready for them to pass the Sisters.
"When my friends come back, we'll let them get several miles beyond you and then we'll leave. There's an outcropping of rock about five miles behind us. It shouldn't take you more than two or three days to crawl there and use the rocks to cut your bonds."
The column went past and when it was a good three miles past the Sisters, Kate and the rest of the women left. The Sisters did try to crawl to the rock outcrop, but they ran into the now elderly warriors from whom they'd drained their life force. While old and weak, the men had weapons and killed the four Sisters.
The terrain began to change. The trees became sparser and gave way to a vast plain with only occasional clumps of trees. This suited Castle as it allowed his long-range firepower full rein.
After two days, they stopped for the night. For the second night in a row all was well all night. Oh, Castle still got up every two hours to check the guards, with Kate, of course, but all was peaceful.
They were having breakfast the next morning when they started smelling something.
"What is that?" Sergeant Esposito said. "Smells like a million skunks squirted each other and then threw up."
"It can only be one thing," Alexis the Red said.
"Demmings." Said Kate, "Lots of them."
"Like the two Demmings we killed?" Rick asked.
"No, they're different but still Demmings." Kate sniffed. "They're coming from the east."
Castle grabbed his binoculars and stood on top of his command track.
"I can see a horde of something heading this way. They look like they're carrying swords and pitchforks."
"Let me see the binoculars." Kate said, getting on the track with him. "Those aren't swords and pitchforks. Those are knives and forks. Those are cannibal Demmings."
"Are you sure?"
"Listen to what they're chanting." Kate replied.
Rick listened and could hear a chant of, "Yummies for the tummy. Yummies for the tummy."
"They're stupider than even the average Demming, which is very stupid indeed. They won't be hard to kill."
Castle arranged his troops in a line so that they could bring all possible firepower to bear on the approaching Demmings.
"I don't see any female Demmings." Rick said. "Are there female Demmings?"
"No. Even if there were, no female, even a female Demming, would have sex with a Demming. In addition, the Demmings are incapable of having sex."
"How do they breed then?"
"Still interested in sex, are you?" Kate teased.
"Whenever I'm near you."
She laughed.
"To answer your question, when a Demming gets very big, it splits into two smaller Demmings."
"Asexual reproduction."
When the Demmings came in range, the column opened fire on them and annihilated the Demmings.
"We didn't kill all of them." Rick said, scanning the scene with his binoculars. "I can see a few Demmings chewing on other dead Demmings."
"That won't do them any good. Among other things, Demmings are devoid of any nutritional value. Look in the sky."
Castle looked up.
"So? Birds are flying."
"Those are buzzards, carrion eaters, flying away from the dead Demmings. And there are some things even a hungry buzzard won't do."
They left quickly before the dead Demmings began to rot and really stink.
The next day the helicopter on point saw something coming and radioed Rick.
"Charlie Ten this is Blue Zero Two. We have cavalry headed yours."
"Blue Zero Two, how many?"
"Maybe five or six hundred. It's hard to tell. They're all spread out. The ones at the back are only moving at a walk and a few have dismounted and are walking their horses. Maybe they're being chased by someone?"
"Blue Zero Two, check their backtrail and see if anyone's behind them."
Blue Zero Two came back on the air in a few minutes.
"Charlie Ten this is Blue Zero Two. This is hard to believe, but they're being chased by trees."
"Say again, Blue Zero Two?"
"There are big trees chasing the people on horseback. I know that sounds crazy, but not on this planet."
"There are mobile, meat-eating trees here." Kate said. "They can grow to be fifty feet tall and have mouths. They shoot out vines to catch their prey. They also shoot out pollen that's mildly poisonous."
"How mildly?" Rick asked.
"You'll be in pain. If any gets in your eyes, you'll have trouble keeping your eyes open."
"Poisonous pollen?" Said Master Sean. "I do know a spell that will protect your wagons from ninety percent or better of the pollen, but I'll need to repeat the spell on each of your wagons."
"Get to work then. I'll radio the other vehicles and tell them to expect you."
It took Master Sean nearly five minutes to complete the spell on Castle's command track. He was only on the third vehicle when the first of the riders approached the column.
"Princess Katherine? Is that you?" The speaker was a tall, slender, dark-haired woman with very pale skin. She was mounted on something that looked more like a dog than a horse, although it was horse sized.
"Arabella? Is that you?" Kate replied.
TBC