A/N: As promised :D.
Also, real talk here for a second: all of my previous explanations for taking a while to write this fic are 100% apt and true, but this chapter hit on something that has also been a bit of a personal stumbling block... I'm about to ramble at you, so by all means, SKIP TO THE CHAPTER, as it's only important if you're interested.
So, I started writing House/ Hameron... 12 years ago I think? In that time, a lot has happened. I still write it, as I love the ship, but as someone that's known for years that they're homoflexible (in theory, it's been a very long time since I've had much interest in the 'floppier endowed', shall we say), if my speed of updating tells you anything, it's that I'm terrible at committing to things, including 100% discounting anyone based on their inside-y/ dangly bits. I've never had a problem with that when writing, as I didn't always feel as sure of myself in terms of what I personally liked, and I write the pairings I find interesting, end of... BUT, for some reason, I've always struggled to find a way of entering the type of (smut-specific) relationship/scenes I'm interested in exploring/ want to write in my Hameron fics, whereas my F/F fics are... well... NSFWXXX XD. That said, I love writing this longer fic, and I did want to play around with more of what interests me in general, so, this is a very pointless, introspective A/N, but I just wanted to touch on the fact. I was nervous about mentioning it, as I don't want to come across in any type of way (I love all types of love, I've experienced all types of love, I'm cool and supportive of all types of love, and from a writing perspective, I just want to write the characters I think work together!), but I guess I just felt like slotting this explanation in SOMEWHERE, for a) why sometimes I get a bit stuck, purely as I find it harder to get to the fun stuff I want to get to partly due to the character dynamic and partly due to just finding it easier to release all carnage when I write Once - heh! - and b) If you're a loyal reader - thank you, ILY - I know I've been pretty terrible at remembering to add the use of protection etc into my House fics, and this is DEFINITELY not a character choice, but rather admittedly one of genuinely forgetting to do so, and I absolutely plan to do so from here on out! ... So... I hope this hasn't weirded out too many of you. I've just received a number of PMs on fanfiction mentioning that I write F/F... some nicer than others... So felt I should mention that: no! It doesn't impact my F/M writing at all - been there, done that, liked most of it - but yes, for some reason, I find it harder to get to the kinky good stuff, maybe because I'm a bit more cautious, OR, the above could all be totally obsolete and it's purely down to the current storyline...
So, yes... Sorry for talking all of yall's ears off... I might delete the above if it gets comments I could live without... I just hope you trust me to just write what works for the characters you came here to read - kink and all! I'm just kind of rusty in a way that's made me laugh to myself while writing this, and hopefully not in a way that puts anyone off :/... I'm not sure why I felt the need to add this A/N, but some of the messages on fanfic equating the update delay to having weird and wonderful motives made me want to just set the record straight and comment on the fact that, YES, I write FF and FM, and no, I'm not trying to 'bait' anyone.
All that aside - reviews/ comments/questions (nice ones!) would be lovely and welcome!
"So..."
"So."
Cameron agrees raising a brow while hoping she isn't about to regret her risky offer of a decidedly intimate game of truths, but House's hesitation to chomp eagerly at the bit has her relaxing just a little. She's called him out on it several times in the past, and she knows that while he possesses unmatched talent in causing her to falter, she has her own hold on him when she stands her ground and refuses him the nervous reaction he seems to strive for when the two of them spend time together.
"I'm surprised you're willing to play this game. You must know I plan to find out all sorts of juicy details."
House teases eventually, and the blonde smiles as she recognises uncertainty behind his purposefully lewd smirk.
"Honestly, I'm just hoping you'll get it all out of your system..."
She sighs, hiding her anticipation as she adopts a bemused expression and contemplates her wine. Waiting out his silence, she looks back up at him expectantly to find blue eyes boring into her with palpable intrigue.
"... Go on, then. I made the rules perfectly clear. You can ask, but you're getting nothing for free."
She prompts, nipping her lip when her invitation earns her a dry chuckle.
"You did. And I have to ask, as you so cruelly denied me an answer before; does that do anything for you? Barking orders?"
"I don't remember barking, but perhaps you're just overly sensitive?"
"I-... Oi! And, answer the bloody question; rules are rules."
"Now you know how it feels... And yes, rules are rules. I like rules, but I doubt that comes as a shock to you. I like my current job and the subsequent role of instructing my staff to work efficiently and empathetically. I have no interest in seeing that role through into the bedroom; barked or otherwise."
"... Shame."
"If you say so. I tried it once, on request, and I was terrible at it."
"Oh?!"
"Mm. I'd agreed to it, and I'm ashamed to say, I think that decision fell more on you than on the person I was seeing at the time."
"Wait... How's that?"
"Well, I'd just finished a twelve-hour shift of you likening me to an invertebrate for several unflattering reasons, and I felt like proving you wrong."
"I wouldn't have known, though..."
"No. And I failed, anyway... I couldn't think of a single thing to tell him to do..."
"Cameron! Why didn't you come to me? I would have happily explained what a man and a woman do to each other in the dark while defying the eyes of our Lord."
"I know you would have. Naivety wasn't the issue... Not on my end, anyway."
"Oh-ho!"
House exclaims, laughing appreciatively as he finds himself pleasantly fascinated by this response, and he sips at his wine while demanding further insight.
"So, you got stage fright?"
"Sort of. The whole thing just kind of made my skin crawl, to be honest."
"And here I had such high hopes for your love of rules and gold stickers, and now you tell me all of that's only applicable in the workplace..."
"I never said that. I said I didn't like giving orders."
"... But you appreciate receiving them?"
"I don't know why that surprises you."
Cameron shrugs, aware that she's blushing, but she keeps her expression neutral as she watches House lose his struggle to do the same.
"... You hated it when I used to get on your case. You always said I singled you out. Now you're telling me you got off on it?"
"Definitely not, and you definitely did... I didn't like trying to do my job while my boss kept himself amused by bullying me-"
"-Ah, but if we'd been naked-"
"-I still wouldn't have appreciated your method."
The blonde replies bluntly, shaking her head when House offers her an unconvinced narrowing of his eyes.
"I have no interest in being talked down to, naked or not. I-... I like being told what to do... What I'm, uh... Allowed to do."
"Ah, but not punishment."
"Not humiliation."
Cameron corrects.
"... And, punishment?"
House teases, before cocking a brow when the blonde sips at her wine and refuses him an answer in a manner that's all too telling. Debating whether to call her on it and remind her of her own rules, he takes heed of the scarlet tinge to her cheeks and remarks conversationally
"You say I shouldn't be surprised, but in a way, I am. I appreciate your point about me sometimes getting it wrong in the workplace - which, I would argue, has served both our patients and your underwear - but it seems so predictable; something I mock you for, but don't wholly consider you to be."
"Thanks... I think."
"It was a compliment."
"Imagine that... I guess some of the other stuff I like isn't as in character-"
"-Oh, please tell me you-"
"-But in this case, I don't know. I've always avoided getting too Freudian over it before I ruin a good thing, but I suppose it's only predictable to you because you know me now... I never knew if I was coming or going growing up, I just knew that the way I was going about doing it was 'wrong' - and that part we really won't delve into any further, as I really don't need to start making comparisons between the way you sometimes speak to me and my dad - but now that I'm an adult, I have a buffer. I have my own place where I have my own set of rules - not the fun kind, the necessary kind - and even though work can be stressful and all over the place, no one can pull the rug out from under my feet once I'm off the clock... Well... In theory."
Cameron sighs, frowning pointedly at House, who nods once to express that he knows what she means, before replying sarcastically
"Yes. Once you start breaking into forbidden basements and peeking inside of hell-barrels, things are apt to get rather wild."
"... Do you really think that's a wise track to take when you're hoping to continue our game?"
"Probably not."
House admits, before musing pensively
"Alright, you craved order, and it made its way into more enjoyable pastimes, but that other thing; that still always surprises me. More so now; now that you've told me what you like."
"What other thing?"
The blonde frowns.
"You can be awkward - I used to think of you as shy, but I'm not so sure you are, and not just because we're having this conversation - but you're very direct. I make you nervous - at least, I did - but you'll still do it; still do what you just did and draw a line without hesitating to do so, and you're generally not even apologetic about it, which you are about so many things you really shouldn't be... I suppose that just surprises me, contextually, given what turns you on."
"The fact that I can stand up for myself? Shocking to you, I know..."
"It's not."
"It used to be."
"... Yes."
"Why would one thing cancel out the other? I know some people like being bossed around and belittled, but that's not what I meant when expressing what I enjoy, and it's definitely not what I want... If I'm going to take pleasure in someone making me uncomfortable with their cruelty, it will be because they're telling me I can't touch myself when I want to, not because they choose to be purposefully insensitive when they speak to me."
"I- Woah!... That's not fair!"
House warns, struggling to swallow his sip of wine as he considers the blonde wide-eyed and taken aback by her admission in a way that causes his stomach to ache.
"Why not? You wanted to know... Unless you want to stop playing?"
Cameron challenges with a grin, and House groans as he scolds her honestly
"You're making that decision unusually difficult!"
"Am I? But you love a game..."
"Yes, but I also lo-... It's hard to think straight when you say things like that!"
"Oh? Is that telling of one of your interests?"
"Ah, ah, that's not the game... But now you know I need to know..."
"What? If any of the hundreds of wistful comments you've made about Cuddy or Thirteen are true?"
"I imagine I'd be a fool to hold out hope."
House sighs dutifully.
"You'd imagine right... Cuddy makes me kind of nervous, but not in any way that affects me further south than the odd chest palpitation, and I have no opinions about Thirteen other than that I wish people would stop comparing me to her. She seems nice, but I reckon I can probably pass on seeing her naked."
"And there's no young nurse on your ward you're secretly into, or neighbour you've got your eye on?"
"My neighbour is an eighty-six-year-old German lady that breeds Siamese cats and has taken morbid offence to my refusal of her offer of a kitten."
"... Is she hot, though?"
"If you like geriatric matron-types with cat hair all over their sweater, then I suppose she might be, but that's just not my thing."
"Hm, no. That mental image isn't really doing for it, no matter which one of you I have panting on her back... So, no crisis of sapphic conscience and identity at all? Pity."
"No crisis. Again, I dabbled and decided it probably wasn't for me, but I'd not discount the possibility of further research out of any sense of anxiety or peer pressure if I felt so inclined in future... I definitely wouldn't tell you, though."
"Wait, 'dabbled'?"
"I'm twenty-seven. I've been to parties and played the dumb games that inevitably get played."
"Now that part, I do find shocking..."
House muses sarcastically, and Cameron beats him to the punchline as she reminds him sweetly
"Well, as we established, I'm a stickler for following the rules."
"Yes... Although to be fair, recent events don't support that theory at all. If you'd followed the rules, you wouldn't have ended up trapped on top of a set of lockers while sending the rest of us into a wild panic."
"Aw... And, I still followed the rules - your silent, but very clear rules - rather than listening to Foreman."
"I'll tell him it was a deliberate decision."
"I doubt he'd be shocked, but I'd still rather you didn't bring it up in case he asks how the topic came about..."
The blonde advises, smirking when she catches House's attention dropping to the midnight promise of what's left of her outfit.
"Would the truth surprise him?"
House asks curiously, and upon understanding his question to be sincere, Cameron shrugs and admits uneasily
"I honestly don't know... I'd kind of hope he'd think I'm smarter than to entertain allowing you to mess with me again."
"Well, it's a bit too late for that..."
"Yeah... They know I'm less, um, over you than I'd emphatically proclaimed for the last six or seven months."
"They?"
"Foreman and Chase."
"Ah... And what does Chase think?"
"Well, I haven't asked him in detail, but I imagine he also thinks I'm an idiot."
"Mm. That might just be the jealousy talking... Unless he's into that? Did you guys ever-"
"-I'm not telling you anything about Chase. Not in the context of the game we're playing."
"Rules are rules, Cameron."
"Yes, and that's one of my rules."
The blonde states firmly, and House rolls his eyes but accepts her terms.
"You're always so frustratingly loyal."
"If that's true, then I'd argue you're the last person that should start bitching about the fact!"
Cameron points out, before shrugging as she admits helplessly
"And, when you only have seven or eight friends, it's unwise to be anything but. I don't like knitting, and cats stress me out, so the life of a recluse isn't really an option."
"That's very sexist; if you were a man, you'd at least have more options of becoming an internet troll and developing a creepily close relationship with your blow-up doll."
"True, but I've always believed you can't educate the willfully stupid, and I know too much about what can go wrong with the inevitable microbial build-up festering inside a blow-up doll if used for the intended purpose to feel inclined to go down that route."
"Hm, predictably practical... And am I one of them?"
"One of what?"
"Your pathetically minuscule circle of friends."
"At least I have a circle... And it really depends on the day."
"Ouch! Your words hurt."
"My point exactly."
The blonde sighs, meeting House's stern gaze as he stares at her openly. She supposes she should be used to this particular habit after all this time, but she still feels her cheeks flushing accordingly, and she lowers her eyes to contemplate her wine. Looking back up when silence falls between them, she notes that House's attention has also moved down to her glass, and she holds up what remains of his generous pour.
"The game's yours, you can call it when you want to call it..."
She murmurs.
"It's tempting... You're tempting... But I would kick myself later for squandering this opportunity."
"... Something you're into?"
Cameron jokes lamely, as she accepts his response; by now uncomfortably flustered knowing that House is feeling much the same. She's surprised herself with some of her bolder statements made during the course of their game, but rather than feeling mortified as she'd worried she might, she feels excited after sharing such intimate details to have had them met with openly appreciative surprise and heated intrigue. She's keen to get to where she's certain the night is heading, but she's not sure if she'd dare propose such a potentially dangerous game again, and she's relishing the opportunity to dispel the image she's always hated that House has built up of her.
To make it easier on him, that's what he said... To keep his mind from wandering where it shouldn't.
Where it surely is now.
"I told you, this little game is all about you, Dr Cameron."
House warns, before musing curiously
"Is it something you're into?... You've been coy every time I've asked you about pain in the context of more enjoyable activities, but I really feel it's better for both of our sakes if you answer me honestly."
"... I'll answer if you do the same."
"I told you already, this is-"
"-My game, I know. But, the depth of my answer very much depends on how open I feel you are to hearing it."
"... Interesting."
"It could be."
"Oh! You're good..."
"Not always."
"Ha! And again... Are you asking if I'm into pain?"
"I'm asking what your thoughts on the subject are."
Cameron shrugs, and she sighs when House chuckles at her businesslike response to their charged discussion.
"I see... Well, my thoughts are that you've been the one to bring it up of late, more so than I have, which is rare!... I don't enjoy it."
"Oh... Okay."
"Not receiving it, not if perpetrated by another. I have enough bad habits and bad luck to have that part covered. It's not something I welcome others being a part of... What's interesting, is I would have said the same for you, but now I'm beginning to wonder..."
"I don't have bad habits... Not the kind that would cause me pain, anyway."
The blonde frowns, and House rolls his eyes as he expresses his opinion despite knowing it won't be appreciated.
"You push yourself until it hurts. Mentally, emotionally, and physically. You don't give your body what it needs."
"I-"
"-Which, apart from being extremely stupid, will hurt at times. It must do. Yet you continue to do it."
"... That's not what this game's about."
"No, and, much like my leg and my head aren't something I'm willing to discuss as they're not the sort of pain we're talking about, I would guess neither is the way you sometimes feel when you've pushed yourself just that little bit too hard."
"I don't."
"You do. I've seen it. I know you... I recognise the signs, I just know better than to mention them."
"You're always going on at me for-"
"-Not when it matters... Which says a few things about me I don't especially like or feel good about, but, as you said, that isn't what we're talking about right now. We're talking about the fun kind of pain... Subjectively... When I told you to bend over, you made your glib little comment that roused a very interesting array of possibilities in my head, but you refused to tell me if you were serious... Were you?"
"... You haven't fully answered my question."
Cameron whispers, and House raises a brow, before answering her previous question as to his opinions on the subject of pain with an admission.
"I thought about it."
"Thought about what?"
"Making better use of your position stood bent over that way."
"Oh?"
"... Would you have wanted me to?"
"... Yeah."
"I would have liked that."
"You would?"
"If you were into it."
"... I would have been."
"Interesting... Tell me more."
"House-"
"-I'm open to it. More than open to it... But I don't want to get it wrong. I don't want to damage you. Not again."
"... That's a bit dramatic."
"Well, that really depends on what you're in to! If you fancy a sneaky slice to the jugular, then-"
"-Please don't try that. I already like you; you don't need to go that far to get a response."
The blonde sighs primly, earning herself an appreciative snort of laughter, and she nips her bottom lip between her teeth as she frowns down at her wine before looking back up and elaborating delicately
"As a general rule, I prefer my blood to stay where it is. I know recent events might not support that theory, but I assure you, of the many things I felt sat leaking in my bathtub, arousal wasn't one of them... Nor was it something I experienced when inadvertently landing myself with these-"
She muses, touching her index finger to several of the bruises decorating her thighs while purposefully inching her dress higher
"-But, it might have been - probably would have been - had the method of attaining them been more enjoyable."
"... You would have appreciated a rougher hand bent over the counter just now?"
"Just one of them. The other did just fine."
"Yes, it seemed that way..."
House chuckles, cocking his head as he considers Cameron curiously.
"You mean you'd have liked me to grab you harder?"
"That's partly what I mean... What did you envisage doing?"
"Hm?"
"You said you would have liked to make better use of my position; how so?"
"... Well, given that I now know I don't need to explain what pornography is to you, my sweet, sweet angel, I'd think it would be obvious."
House shrugs, enjoying the light blush that finds the blonde's cheeks, before she plays him at his own game and muses silkily
"Mm. It's certainly obvious you're too chicken to use the terms you type into the search bar..."
"You... Have a surprising tongue on you, Dr Cameron."
"I'm not sure you have sufficient data to be making that claim just yet."
"... Yet?"
"Who knows."
The blonde baits, and House shakes his head as he swears under his breath and accuses gruffly
"Whatever... I can tell you honestly that I've never specifically sought out spanking videos. But, with the way you were standing, the urge was strong."
"Oh? Then, why didn't you?"
Cameron asks curiously.
"I-... Well, I didn't want to overstep, I-"
House grunts awkwardly, before trailing off with a furrowing of his brow when the blonde meets his confession with bemused laughter.
"Oh no, you wouldn't want to do that."
Cameron rolls her eyes, before taking heed of the unease threatening to turn to thunder written across the greying doctor's face and leaning forward to brush her lips against his with a teasing nip of her teeth.
"Alright... As we've established; rules are rules... You've made more crass comments about slapping, grabbing, spanking and biting my ass than I can count during our oh-so-professional differentials, and while you say you strived to keep your suggestions to simple mockery to avoid any further mental imagery, I was less successful when it comes to that particular subject..."
Cameron admits when she sits back with a small shrug of her shoulders.
"Good to know!... Wait, biting?"
"I said what I said."
"... You did."
House nods, damning the blonde fervently for her unlikely expertise in their little game as he feels uncharacteristically flustered; a fact he strives to keep well hidden as he attempts to stare her down.
Meeting his blue gaze easily, Cameron smiles and holds up her near-empty glass.
"You get one or two more... Or, you can play things a little more traditionally and feel out what works, so to speak... Just remember what I've said; I'm not made of glass."
"You've told me that several times before."
"Yeah. And you never listened."
"It was never expressed in this context."
"I meant it in every context."
"... I know... I know that, now... The thing is, I liked you. I just wasn't sure how to do that in a way that didn't hurt you... Hurting you wasn't ever what I wanted to do - not really - but it kept happening all the same..."
House frowns, and Cameron raises a brow, surprised by this response, and she lowers her glass - now just a sip away from empty - and speaks down into its depths contemplatively.
"I know... That's the thing, House; I know that. Sometimes I've felt kind of unsure, and that hurt; it made me feel stupid because only a fool would put up with how you sometimes treat me... But, I know. I know that so much of what you mean to do is good. It's right... I stand by everything I said to you that night in the DDx room. I do get angry with you that you put the onus of my emotions solely on me without taking any responsibility for the things you might do and say to cause me to react the way that I do... But I do know you find it hard... I'm not willing to excuse everything, but I'm willing to excuse some of the things that the others call me an idiot for putting up with; that you call me an idiot for putting up with... I'm not a stupid woman. I'm young-ish, contextually, but I've been married, I've been widowed, and I've sought out and found what I've needed at any particular point in time in terms of a relationship... I use that term loosely, as that's all I was prepared to see it as in every event apart from this one... I like you, even though you make it really fucking hard to do that sometimes. I like you because I know that half of the way you act is a front, and forty-five per cent isn't altogether voluntary... The other five per cent hurts. It does. I'm not willing to forgive that small part or allow it a free pass, but, on the whole, I know you end up just as confused as I do about why you treat me the way you do."
"... That doesn't make it okay..."
"No. It doesn't, but, it does mean I'm willing to work on us if you're prepared to listen to me... That's why I came here, tonight."
"... To work on us?"
House sounds out the term cautiously; his expression earning him an awkward smirk.
"Well, yeah... I told you, I'm not expecting anything gross or grand on that front... No, I just figure before I let you go grabbing, spanking, or, uh, biting anything... I need you to know I'm not an idiot. I'm not just some naive masochist."
"... Well-"
"-I'm not naive."
"No... I suppose I should know that by now... I just-"
"-Like to tease me, and you found an avenue of doing so that you enjoyed."
Cameron finishes for him, and House swallows, unnerved by her calm gaze as she accuses him of a truth he loathes.
"I-"
"- It's okay. I get it... Fortunately, by the end of the night, you might have found several further methods of teasing that yield better results for the both of us..."
The blonde interrupts his discomfort; reaching for his wrist and guiding his hand pointedly back beneath the silk swatch of her dress as she challenges him with a smirk
"Go on, you get one more..."
"One more before what?"
House counters, earning a choked expletive as he indulges Cameron's sly prompt deviously.
"Well... That's up to you, isn't it?"
"Just me?"
"Were you paying any attention at all?... Tell me what you want."
"Oh, I was paying attention..."
"Well, then..."
"Well..."
House agrees, struck by a million things he suddenly wants to ask her, but they all seem too deep, too intimate, and while he trusts that she'll reply honestly, he's not sure he has the patience to give her candidness the respect it deserves.
"Tell me,"
He grins, shaking off the intensity of their conversation and offering her a grin that encourages her to sip indulgently at the dregs of her wine.
"What about exhibitionism?"
"Not a chance."
Cameron shakes her head; giggling when House pulls a face and laments
"So my theory of you not wanting to get caught hot and heavy in McDonald's was correct?"
He sighs to express his theatrical disappointment, before raising a brow when the blonde rocks forward against his palm and murmurs against his lips
"I denied wanting to be caught spreadeagle in a disabled bathroom with you... That's a pretty broad brush to paint all further decisions with..."
"... I was wrong about you."
"You were."
The blonde agrees simply, before tipping back the last of her wine and placing her glass down on the table.
"But what do you plan to do about it?"