***TRIGGER WARNING; SUICIDE, WILLIAM LEWIS STORYLINE, TORTURE, KIDNAPPING, EATING DISORDER***
OLIVIA'S POV
June 27, 2013
Elliot Stabler,
I thought I was over it. I thought I had pushed through the pain and grief of you leaving. I thought I was strong enough to deal with it.
Four days Elliot. For four days I was hoping, pleading, and praying that you would find me and kill him. Stab him, kick him, burn him, anything. You said you had my back. Why didn't you come? Surely, you read the newspaper or watched the news. I hate you.
I can't take showers without wanting to kill myself. I wish he killed me. Cassidy can't look at me. I can't eat without throwing up. I don't go outside because I know I would walk into traffic if I had the chance. I'm not a survivor. I'm pathetic. Why didn't he kill me? I wish he did.
I still love you, Elliot. I still do and I don't think I will ever stop. For the past year and a half, I have been hoping that you will walk through those doors. The funny part is that I know I would instantly forgive you if I saw you.
I'm sick. I want help. I don't deserve it.
Det. Olivia Benson