His head lay on the pillow, wrist covering his eyes. He barely breathed, only taking in huffs of air when his lungs began to burn. He felt sick. Very much so.
There's no escaping this, he thought. It's a painful fact. One that he hadn't come to accept, but he is sure to be given enough time. Ironic, considering that he literally has unlimited of them now, whether he likes it or not. Not even death could take them away.
He let out a massive sigh. Slowly he lifted his arm, the light from above blinding his ruby red eyes. He got up and sat on the edge of the bed. What should he do then?
Touma makes it fun. But how long would that also last? How long until he runs out of things to do. How long before he would he lose touch of reality? How long until his mind breaks? And what can he do about it?
He didn't know.
There's no point in going outside of the city now. All the things he'd done had been pointless. Everything is pretty much pointless now. Was there ever a point in doing anything to begin with?
His frown worsened.
He'd taken his old life for granted. No matter how shitty it was, living in solitude for one's entire life was still better than this.
The bed groaned as he pulled himself up. He stood on shaky legs and reached for his door, stepping outside.
The sky is bright blue with a few fluffy clouds strewn throughout it. It was a beautiful sunny day. He felt mocked by it.
With nothing to look forward to, his life felt incomplete and aimless. The world was as empty as it was before, but it was kind of beautiful to behold. There was no sound.
No sounds from any of the neighbours. He wasn't even sure if he had any neighbours.
The stairway down was as dark as usual, but he could still see without any use of a light source.
The stairs went on for a few more yards and stopped once it reached the bottom. There was a horrid, acrid smell filling his lungs. He'd forgotten about them.
The multitude of maimed people, somehow still alive even after the hell they went through. He stared at them from the stair, down onto the floor with a palpable nonchalance.
They were to die tonight, he remembered. Probably from blood loss. To think that nobody would care. They will be ground up like the rotting corpses they are and if one were to survive, they'll be here again by tomorrow. Just like everything.
He hummed and walked down the stairs, stepping over the barely conscious bodies. The splashes of blood and the smell from the bodies was disgusting. To think that he'd gotten used to it years before...
Something latched onto his ankle. He felt rather nostalgic about it. The grip on it is weak, but it doesn't pull it off either. He took a look down and saw that person again.
The pleading look in his eyes as he breathed through his mouth, blood running down his chin. He wanted to say something, but the damage done to his jaw is irreversible. He was afraid. He can tell from the way his eyes shift left and right.
They're dying, he thinks to himself. He's experienced it beforehand. He remembers how much his wounds burned. He knew how cold it gets thereafter. The way his body numbed as all the blood oozed out of him. The persistent smell of rusty iron.
The terror of staring death right in the eyes and how truly ugly it is. How much of them had he caused? Those eyes that had seen thousands upon thousands of their own deaths. Do they feel fear?
The images that had burned themselves deep into his mind. The gurgling sounds that kept playing like a broken record. A figure twitching on the floor, bodies bleeding with bones sticking out of their skins, from the scalps down to the soles of their feets. A torture no mind was ever made to withstand. No one can ever recover from it.
His eyes narrowed slightly.
He didn't know what compelled him to do it, but he pulled out his phone and called a number. He'd never dialled it before, but he knows that it was an emergency line. He'd read it in a phone book.
When he heard the click, he started. "Several people are gravely injured. District 19." He went on, giving them details of their exact position. "You have less than 12 hours before they die. Make it quick." He hung it up.
Not once did he take his eyes off the guy. So it honestly surprised the albino to see the guy mutter the same words over and over again. "Thank you." He said. He hadn't spoken at all earlier, so how come is he able to now? Punk probably did it to gain sympathy from him.
He rolled his eyes and dropped his phone onto him. He leaves for the alley and leans on the wall, eyeing the building with the same unmoving expression. It didn't take no less than 5 minutes before several Anti-Skills trucks and ambulances skied over to the location. Armed to the teeth with armour and weapons, they rushed the building for any potential threats.
Soon enough, the paramedics from earlier brought the injured thugs out on a stretcher into the truck. He didn't see the rest as he'd left, feeling satisfied.
…
He emerged from the shadow. The same noise replayed again. The sound of cars passing, teenagers and elders alike fills in the backgrounds. The light from the sun shines down upon him when he leaves the alley. It's bright, he can't help but to cover his eyes.
His eyes were glued to it. It's the same sky that he'd seen for the entirety of his life. It's the only thing that has never changed, even without this loop. What was beyond it, he thinks. Was there ever another being strong enough to alter time itself? At this point, he couldn't care less anymore. Be it machines or Deity or whatever shit. They aren't gonna do something on a scale such as this just to mess with him. So there has to be an explanation. One he has yet to figure out.
He lowered his gaze as two girls hurriedly jogged past him, giggling with such delight, his eyes just wouldn't look away. One of them seemed to be chasing the other playfully. Hair barely long enough to reach her ears with a crown of flowers sitting atop of her head. Along with her was her friend, a clip decorating her bang.
They're unremarkable. They looked just like any other people you would find on the streets. But somehow they stand out more than the others to his eyes.
It is true others were smiling, chatting amongst their circle of friends as well. But the smiles they donned couldn't compare to theirs. Their grins were liveliest.
Can he be like that? Would he be like that had he never been discovered? He can't seem to be done with these what-if's. That seems to be the only thing he could do, daydream and wait for the next loop to come.
While he slowly made his way towards a place he'd rarely visit, those two girls kept plaguing his mind. How do you feel such a level of happiness? Were they on drugs? Will he do drugs? Nope. He will not go to such lengths. But then again, he has sought death. He might as well think of it as a last resort.
The only way to really find out is to ask them directly. And here's no way he'll do that though. A stranger skinny as a twig with an intimidating appearance as his, suddenlu approaches you and asks to be happy, imagine that. They'll probably think he's a molester or something.
He huffed a mouthful of air. "Change of plans." He murmurs to himself and takes a turn. There were really only two people that he believed he could trust when it came to this kind of thing.
…
Words were harder than he'd originally thought… Accelerator found that the more he tried to think through what he wanted to say to her, the more at a loss he felt. All he had were her actions and reactions to go off, so he found the subject hard to broach.
He could recognize fear in a person. Back then, he'd see those frightened looks as a sign that they'll no longer mess with him. He treasured those looks. In his mind, it is a symbol of his power.
But nowadays, the more he thought about the reasons for their fear, the more he realized that he didn't really want to think about it. It was almost like his mind was resisting the notion in its entirety. To make those around him afraid like that, he had to be very scary. And he apparently was. He knew that, to be honest, but at the same time it surprised him.
Yet she doesn't fear him. Not even the slightest bit. It's not that she doesn't know him, nor does she never witness his power, no. She's seen it all. The power of the strongest and the brutal cruelty when he had willingly massacred the clones she had carefully nursed for the first few months of their lives.
Those who do not fear him, or at least capable of hiding it perfectly, had known him for the entirety of his life. And there's only a handful of them.
Two remain unhinged by him. One of them was his former mentor and tormentor. The one who had raised him and molded him into who he is now. Kihara Amata. Only he knows how much he truly wants to run his salt covered hands against his exposed flesh.
The other was a normal woman. He doesn't know what to think of her even after 2 years of knowing each other. But he more or less decides that she was trustworthy.
But it is the lack of intimidation that made him feel comfortable around her.
"Are you here just to idle around or actually tell me something like you said you were going to do?" Yoshikawa said with her delicate voice. Head leaning against her fist, leg crossed with eyes barely open. "I really shouldn't have been expecting much when you called."
"Shut it woman." He barked and bent over.
"Well you're the one who wanted to talk." She grinned apologetically and bit her lip. "Still, it's not everyday that you call me, let alone someone. It's not my fault you couldn't even carry on a civil conversation with anybody."
"I'm seriously gonna kill you nowadays." She doesn't seem to regard the words as nothing more than a joke. She only grins at it.
Evasion again. His eyes twitched.
The plan really was to talk this out with her. Somehow… This really was entirely new territory for him. He'd actually never have the need to 'talk something out' with anyone, as he was more used to just straight up fucking threat their whole lineage— that, namely being Yoshikawa. Most of the time, he just murked them to death. But that's besides the point.
"Alright, let's be real for a bit." She fixed her position, finally managed to sound somewhat serious, but the lines around her eyes and her ears showed a true and heartfelt concern for the topic. "Why exactly did you call me?"
He grit his teeth and wiped his greasy palms on the sides of his jeans. He'd been anticipating this for some time now, yet now that he'd finally gotten the chance, there was nothing on Earth that he could say.
His mouth opened, but no sounds came out. And that isn't the only problem. How was he supposed to tell her? That he wanted to know how he's supposed to feel things he'd never known or experienced. How do you live a life that is both familiar and not?
How do you feel happy when you have absolutely no clue how that works?
"You've changed." He heard her gently ask, as if she was speaking to a stray animal. "What happened?" Her voice sounded like the softest, most innocent of whispers. The longest of pauses fell over the room like a velvet curtain.
"I..." He didn't know how to tell her. Should he tell her the truth? Would she believe him or would she think he'd gone crazy?
The hesitation stayed for longer than a blink of an eye.
"I'm not here to tell you that." He finally said, still with an odd, thin tone. "There's some things I want to ask you."
She sighed but didn't argue. "You're the beholder of the city's greatest mind. So whatever question it is, don't expect my answer to be to your liking."
"Hn." He exhaled softly and rubbed the bridge of his nose, rubbing his eyes tiredly. A miniature pause followed.
"Are you," he begins, sounding rather reluctant. "Happy with how you're living right now?"
Taken aback by his question, she leans back. A curious brow raised in question, Yoshikawa sat herself upright and tilted her face upwards. "What kind of question is that?"
"Just answer it." There's a trace of impatience in his voice, his gaze flicking to anything but her. He seemed embarrassed to have asked it. It wasn't like him at all.
"Okay." Her expression lightened, a small, secretive smile teasing the corners of her mouth. Though he couldn't see her, a faint expression of reassurance dawned on her face.
"I am." She lay back on the couch, letting her eyes walk the secluded ground between them. "I used to dream of becoming a teacher, and I still do." There's a warm, heartfelt glint to her eyes. "Other than that, I guess I just dream of peace."
"That's… sweet...?" He replied, his words strangled in hesitation. He was truly out of his element here. She is being abnormally open that he felt like this was some deep taboo shit. It was a rather sensitive topic.
The older woman giggles at his awkwardness before slamming her eyes shut and burying her face in her hands. "Mm. I forgot where I was going with that." She tried to remember for a second before shrugging it off. "Well, the point is. Yes. I'm content with where I am right now. Maybe that counts as being happy?"
He hummed in response.
"Anyways," she decided, putting both hands back on her cheeks. "Is that a good enough answer for you?"
He exhaled a long breath he was holding for a moment, unaccountably looking at her facial expressions. "Yeah. I suppose it is."
"Good." She purred, still recovering from a little of the shock. "Now it's my turn to ask." 'Now I have some explaining to do,' Accelerator thought to himself, much to his dismay.
"Why do you wanna know whether or not I'm happy, Accelerator?" Her eyes silently observed his look intently while his mind frantically ran in circles. He decides that there's no point in lying. After all, everything shall repeat itself again by tomorrow morning. As if none of these ever happened to begin with.
"I want you to teach me to be normal."
For a girl who looked like she hadn't slept for days, she was surprisingly alert, albeit a bit out of breath. The moment his request was asked however, she could attest to how hard anything approaching a coherent thought was. So with a wide eye, she stared at his face. Her relieved smile seemingly gives him the confidence to follow what's yet to come.
"So I was right, you have changed." The teasing smile flashed back to her pristine face. "You'll introduce me to this girl, right?" She couldn't help but ask, drawing a confused look from him. It quickly morphed into an annoyed look the moment he registers what exactly she meant.
"There's no girl or no one. Nobody can change me, you idiot." His voice was wooden, resolute. She couldn't help but chuckle despite herself.
"Oh, don't be such a drag. These kinds of stories are fun. Who knows? Maybe there really is a girl. Was she like you, or was she your opposite? How old is she? Was it love at first sight? Is she-" The grin again graced her face, countless muses flashing across her mind as she tried to imagine the person.
Accelerator can only glare at her in defiance. Eventually, she stopped with the girlish babble. "Oh, yes, I forgot." The satisfied grin tainted a bit of her certainty that once more makes her gaze become soft once more.
"Even though I aspire to be a teacher, this is a thing I could not teach you, as it is supposed to be learned through experience. I can, however, guide you on the process. You can figure it out one step at a time yourself by observing them. You're smart aren't you?" She laid her head on her palms, sweeping over her face in a thoughtful gesture. "Now, the first thing you're gonna want to do is get used to talking to people you don't know. Well, people that aren't thugs or scientists, that is. Trying to socialize is always the first step, well it ought to be, anyway."
He nodded, allowing his eyes to lose a bit of the 'uncaring' tone.
"You may observe them, talk to them, spend some time with them, make friends, whatever. Just try to pretend like you care about them. Once you've gotten into a comfortable relationship, you'll start being more open with them. Always be on top of what they're doing." She let a look of satisfaction come over her face, using the rare moment to show him her usual gracious manner. But then the hopeful look of beloved curiosity came to her face once more.
"That pretty much sums up the basics." Her countenance was now bear, testy. "Now I want you to try and go out there and start living."
"Living?" He didn't quite understand. She rolled her eyes, but remained won over in some small way by his response.
"With the activities you've partaken, I wouldn't exactly call it 'living'." She shook her head. "Doing nothing and murdering 12 clones a day is no way of leading a life. To live is to strive, to strive is to conquer, to conquer is to better yourself and others."
He gets her point, at least. Even so, he won't take her advice lightly since he obviously hasn't had the chance to live his. He goes with the words of her own mouth. "Alright, I'll try."
"Perfect." She nodded in approval. He gets up and bids his farewell. Before he reached the hallway however, he stopped.
"You know, as much as you lack the energy sometimes, and everything, I really appreciate your helping me out." His words were casual as they were sincere. He then smiled slightly.
She giggled. "Well it's been a pleasure to help you, o' Great Accelerator~." She really won't forget how he looked just now. "By the way, can you get me my coffees in the drawer to your left?"
"Why? So you can get lazy faster?" Even with him retorting, he still ended up bringing her coffee.
She smirked, satisfied at her literal luck. "Well, you can go now." She chuckles at his unspoken question. "Come back tomorrow at the exact same time, alright? I wanna hear how everything went for you."
He stopped by the doorway, back faced towards her. There it is again. A reminder of his curse. He was thankful that she couldn't see his face.
"I will."
Tomorrow will never came for him. But of course, she didn't have to know that.
...
It had certainly been an unstressful day. More or less. The day had gone by mostly smooth except for some minor disruptions.
Accelerator couldn't seem to get himself to talk to others like Yoshikawa had suggested. He hadn't made any other acquaintances except for a few kids he had an amicable conversation with, whom he'd also paid their claw machine fares for. They were naive, to be honest, well at least one kid from the group is. The others was more or less an idiot.
He had to conceal his saddened gaze as a certain guy with spiky black hair walked past them.
It wasn't all bad though, he just finds it annoying that they kept pestering him about his appearance and apparent ungodly skills when it comes to the machine. He couldn't remember when he had acquired such useless skill, but hey, the world is a big place and new things are discovered all the time. Maybe not all the time but you get the point.
The boys would listen to him eagerly about how you should play the machine you got stuck in (You'd be surprised at all the trouble people get sent to just for shocking someone), as well as the fact that he is better than them. Good thing is that they also listen to what they're told, like how he told one of them to get him his favourite beverage. If only everyone was like this...
They ended up talking for several hours. This had marginally increased his communication skills with others. If it was a game, he'd be a level 2 by now.
Eventually though, they had to leave. Time had run out, and it was time to go home, much to their annoyance. They left as he stood by the machine, holding a pin they'd given him as a thank you gift.
The sky is turning golden amber, crickets are singing to a soft drum beat and generally the atmosphere is peaceful. An exhausted Accelerator, sitting at the chair right in front of the machine.
He's heard a few echoes of shoes walk past him, also accompanied by a small thud on the ground, which he didn't pay much mind to. "I should probably go somewhere." He murmurs. From the angle of the sun, it isn't quite late just yet, it's still an hour or two before sunset, but what is there to do now?
He looked back at the pin on his hand. It has a frog face on it. He visibly grimaced in dismay. "The fuck kind of shit is this?" He spoke to himself.
He threw it right behind him and got up. Barely a second after he did, he heard a massive thud and a groan. He looked over to see what the commotion was.
And there it is. That uniform. That Goddamn cursed, cream coloured vest and white uniform. That damn insignia. The chestnut coloured short hair and that piercing glare.
He frowned. "For fuck sake."
She looked confused at first, but the anger she had from earlier came forth in a rather no-nonsense voice. "What do you think you're doing?"
Accelerator muttered his now hollow words. "Throwing trash, third-string." He really doesn't want to deal with her. She doesn't know him yet, but he does. And through all the numerous loops he's been thrown through, he bloody well doesn't trust her.
"Trash? TRASH?!" She angrily held the pin right in his face and let out a thump. "This isn't trash! Just because it is of the lower echelon of Gekotas doesn't necessarily mean it is trash!" she exclaimed.
He sighed in defeat. Figured as much. She's already an annoying person to start, but slap a 'fangirl' tag on her and it's a full-blown tactical mind execution.
"And to think you're a fan yourself." She grumbled, still dearly latching onto the green pin as if it's her life-blood. He registered what she just said and eyed her with the utmost incredulity. "Is the community dying?" He heard her question herself.
That's when he noticed where she was looking. The plastic bag he'd filled with the accumulated frog toys that he had earned from teaching those brats how to play the machine.
"Tch, to think that you of all people would be interested in this kind of shit. Just take it." He motioned to that bag.
Suddenly her animosity vanished like thin air. She shrugged and tried to be casual about it, but he could tell that she was shaking with joy. She kneeled towards it and took a look inside. "¥1000 each?" She asked, quivering with delight.
"No, just take it."
She turned towards him. "Really?!" She exclaimed, disbelieving. "B-but these just came out yesterday!" She added pointing at them, quietly identifying each and every one by the all-too-familiar frogs.
"Hn. I was gonna burn them anyway." He replied lamely.
She scowled. "You really are-" he didn't catch the rest as he had begun to walk away.
She didn't seem to notice it until he was about to take a turn. "Hey!" she called after him as he moved steadily away. Her tantrum and childish demeanour was quickly waning.
She didn't seem to be putting up a chase. It seemed like he was going to be freed after all. In the ensuing silence that followed, he began to ponder on what he was going to do now.
Much easier said than done as it turns out, an object came in contact with his head. Something solid, not heavy but solid nonetheless. It thwacked right on the crown of his skull before contentedly resuming its position on the ground, spilling its contents.
A half empty black can that he is very much familiar with.
"That should teach you what trash looks like." a female voice gleefully narrated as she twirled around happily, moving towards his front.
Oh boy. She really is annoying.
She held to his face a black leather. "Your wallet. You left it on the plastic bag." She handed it to him.
He glared directly at her face in annoyance and grabbed it. "It's all in there in case you're wondering." She said with a slight grin. "Consider it a thank you for the gifts." She added.
"That'll be all then." He started dryly and walked away. Yet the rustling sound of a plastic bag swinging fast continued to follow him, no matter the amount of turns he'd taken.
He stopped and heaved a deep sigh. "Will you stop that?" He grumbled, turning to see her standing straight a few feets away, both hands behind with the plastic bags hanging on her fingers tightly.
"I'm curious." She states. "Why do you look at me like that?" The question was delivered with curiosity, but the tone in it made it clear that what was expected of him was a response.
"Like what?" He turned towards her.
"Like that." She said, turning stiffly. "You're looking at me as if I'm digging up your grave." She remarked. "Like I'm going to... No... as if I've done something horrible to you." She added, her voice tense.
His eyes twitched at that. Those blank eyes still burned in his mind. The burning pain on each and every inch of his body before the cold numbness. Those delicate, cold and wet touches on his cheek, like a touch of death. And that voice, low, but toneless; like whispering silently in a dark corner. He darkened considerably.
"Look, I didn't know that the can was gonna hurt, it's pretty light in my hand..." she stared at his lanky, skinny stature. She appears guilty about it. "Sorry." She mumbled, shaking her head slightly.
She brought the plastic bag to her front. "Well, you don't seem to be interested in money, and don't think giving you back your own gifts is gonna make this up for it." Subtle encouragement fell in her voice. "Tell you what, I'll buy you something in return, both as a recompense and as a treat. Is that okay?"
His mouth moved and parted as if to answer her. Eyes glazed, and his heart filled with conflicting emotions. "Okay." He finally whispered.
...
She let out a groan. On her left hand is a smaller plastic bag, a massive contrast that is on her right. Her body bent, leaning more towards the bigger plastic bag due to the difference in mass.
Accelerator doesn't need to put as much effort as she did when it comes to doing heavy lifting such as this. In fact, he doesn't seem like he was holding onto anything at all even though the bag he held is much bigger. To think that he was holding onto two at once.
"Where are you leading me again?" She grumbled, her body wavering in a twist, painful vibrations blemishing her palms as the plastic bags left marks on her soft, sensitive skin. "I'm tired of dragging this heavy thing around." She finally straightened up when she dropped them at her feet.
"Idiot, aren't you supposed to be the one leading the way?" He retorted, folding his arms.
"I'm right behind you, what part of that screams that i was the one leading?" She shot a glare his way, hoping to chase off his unruly indignant behaviour.
"You're the one who acts all bossy, brat." He shot back.
They had a stare off. None would break first, both holding on to each other's gaze. The eyes were trained upon each other. The pressure in the back of both competitor's minds is so amazing that neither let go no matter what their efforts were.
Except one of them twitched. The shivering cold glares from the albino reflected in the depths of the icy gaze scorned by the other. The earned battle of dominance was over when she blinked and diverted her eyes.
The sheer intimidation his eyes held was once more lost in his appearance. Other than his scary scythe-like other-worldly face, he was an ordinary teenager. If not for the eye-reddening cold hatred he harbours. It wasn't directed at her, thankfully. She can only wonder what it was that he hated to such an extent.
"Tch, fine. There's a park nearby. I'll leave you to your own company." Her steel composure was back, her eyes flashed with embarrassment.
She bent herself and picked up the bags before leading the way. She stayed quiet, unlike earlier. He noticed, but didn't comment on it. He was too tired.
It looked more like a small playground rather than a park. A set of swings. A small open space with small benches surrounding it and a single tree.
It's empty except for a lone figure. She stood near the tree. She wore an identical uniform as her, a creamy brown vest and a short skirt. The girl turned when she placed the plastic bag on the ground.
It's an understatement to say that she was surprised. But the more accurate word for it would be shocked. The mixed feelings written on her face spoke volume about that. Fear and confusion was there as well.
Her eyes squinted. She rubbed her face. Whilst she was doing that, the doppelganger eyed the albino. The same look of surprise was also present on her face.
Then her mouth opened.
8
New Chapter Next Tuesday!
And keep the review coming please! I love reading it in my spare time :D