I'm happy that you continue to be passionate about this story. Thank you very much!
All rights belong to Buffalo Pictures.
Chapter 22
Martin didn't mind those evening outings at all... he always ate excellent fish in the company of his wife and then enjoyed a peaceful return home hand in hand. They often stopped on a beach in front of the coastal hotels. They sat on the rocks in the semi-darkness enjoying the cool breeze or the water lapping at their bare feet. Martin silently watched Louisa's joyful, enthusiastic face as she spoke to him about the day, their children, or whatever came to mind.
One of those evenings, as they sat together, they fell silent listening to beautiful, very romantic music coming from one of the clubs on the seafront. Martin was sitting so that he had the perfect profile of his wife in front of him. She was looking towards the sea and her happy eyes were shining. The light wind gently moved the unruly locks around her face. He reached up his hand to place one behind her ear and took the opportunity to gently run the backs of his fingers across her velvety cheek.
Louisa turned to him with a soft smile and he felt his heart quicken as he gasped.
«You are so beautiful, you know… you are always so beautiful, Louisa.» he murmured… the most tender, incredulous look ever.
She thanked him with a brief kiss on the mouth and snuggled sideways against his chest. Martin immediately wrapped his arms around her, comforted by her soft, fragrant body, and placed his lips on the top of her head.
The music ended, but they didn't move.
"Martin?"
«Mhm?»
"Thank you for this vacation, I really needed it."
"It's nothing."
"It's nice to spend some time with my mother and it's nice to have you and the children all to myself." she kissed his chest.
He sighed, holding her tighter and stroking her hair. She felt good, actually… wonderful and he closed his eyes breathing in her scent.
"Yes."
Martin would have stopped time in that perfect moment…with the love of his life in his arms…if it weren't for the promising future with her and their children.
He had almost lost her so many times with his fears and his bad mouth... but she had never given up on him and had always given him another chance.
The notes of another decidedly sentimental song reached them on the shore. Martin stood up and elegantly held out his hand to take hers. Louisa beamed at him and found herself swaying in his arms in a slow dance. Her heart pounded as she inhaled his scent at the level of his chest.
Her husband bent down to surround her completely and she sank against him with her eyes closed, resting her chin in the crook of his neck. When she opened them, a dark blue sky dotted with a myriad of twinkling stars filled her vision. She sighed and held onto his broad, strong shoulders, continuing to move along with the rhythm of that passionate melody.
Once the song was over, they started walking again. Near the house, Louisa took his hand and pulled him to walk faster.
"What…"
«Come on, Martin...» she gave him a mischievously knowing look. "With any luck, mum kept the kids sleeping in her room."
He started to protest when he got the hint.
"Yes." he responded suddenly invigorated and preceded her down the street.
They had been lucky. James and Mary were not in their room. Louisa smiled at him as she took off her shoes and almost cried out in surprise as her husband lifted her into his arms to lay her on the bed.
She turned on his side to look at his profile in the dark. He was sleeping soundly next to her. He seemed to have a decidedly satisfied expression... and how could she blame him after the ardor and passion of a short time before...
By now she was used to those two versions of Martin... one more casual, when not rude... and one tender and uninhibited, when the two of them were alone.
She ran her hand over his bare chest. Especially after the accident, she felt the need to touch him often to make sure he was there with her. She felt the faint scar from where he had been operated on and caressed it softly. There was almost no trace of the cuts and scratches left, only the wound on his thigh seemed to have left the most evident mark. She reached up to run her fingers through the soft blond hair on his chest and kissed his shoulder, then slowly pulled away and slipped out of the sheets. She looked for her underwear on the floor and put on the cherry-colored silk robe Martin had given her for Christmas. She went out to go to the bathroom and decided to pop into the garden to get some air.
She stopped at the French window to breathe in the breeze coming in from the sea, when she realized that there was the small light of a candle lit under the gazebo.
«Aren't you sleepy, Loulou? Come and keep me company... would you like that?"
Eleanor sat quietly sipping lemonade.
Louisa hesitated, the idea was to go back to the room and curl up in her husband's arms, but… in reality she wasn't sleepy at all.
She reached her clutching her robe around her and immediately noticed her mother's mischievous smile.
«Well, good…someone had a good evening…»
"What? I… no… »she spluttered, taken aback.
"Ooh, come on Loulou…there's nothing wrong with having a little fun with your man."
"No, but it's not a topic I want to discuss with my mother." she recovered and sat down next to her.
Eleanor poured her a glass of lemonade with an amused expression. Louisa drank it almost all in one gulp… she hadn't realized she was so thirsty.
Her mother gave her a knowing look.
"Did he live up to it, at least?"
"Mum!"
The older woman burst out laughing.
«Come on Loulou, don't get angry…»
«But how…you…how you know…it doesn't mean that…»
«You have the face of a cat that has just eaten a bird... oops! Sorry...I didn't mean to make any allusions." she put a hand to her mouth, trying in vain to suppress her laughter.
Louisa crossed her arms in annoyance, but immediately relaxed and joined her mother in her merriment.
«It's probably not the first thing you think of when you meet him, but Martin is…a very attentive and skilled man.»
Eleanor paused and raised an eyebrow as she peered carefully into her daughter's eyes.
«And I bet he's well-proportioned too…I mean…he's tall…with big feet and hands…»
"Mum!" she hoped she didn't notice the blush she felt spreading across her face.
«I'm afraid that from tomorrow I won't look at him the same way again...» she burst into a loud laugh and Louisa with her.
«Please, mum… if he found out we were talking about a similar topic, he would be mortified.»
"I won't say anything, I promise." she reassured her.
They smiled in silence.
«In any case, I have the impression that it makes you happy… look at you Loulou, you are a flower… the image of a fulfilled and confident woman.»
«Well…I won't deny that we had several problems in the past, but we found our way to make things work in the end and…yes, I'm happy.»
«You can tell, you know…I mean…every time you're close or in the same room…there's like an electricity in the air…» she took a sip of lemonade. «Your husband looks at you as if you were the most beautiful and precious thing he has ever seen.»
Louisa lowered her head and smiled.
«It's like this, Loulou. Today I understand what you saw in him."
"Really?"
"Yes. He is a man... complicated... you know it too, there's no use pretending nothing happened... »
Her daughter gave her a look of agreement.
«…but he loves you…he takes care of you and the children…and he is reliable and solid…unlike me and your father.»
«Yes…he is responsible and honest…I can count on him.»
«…and he would throw himself into the fire for you…well, he did…»
"It is true."
«In this he resembles your father, however.»
"To dad?" she gave her mother a puzzled look.
"Of course yes. Terry is a totally unreliable man and a hopeless liar… sorry for talking about him like this… but he loves you, you have always been his princess and I am sure he would give his life for you. »
Louisa stared at her hands in her lap.
«Well…maybe yes.»
«Loulou would. He grew up wanting a different life from the one he was born in a remote village in Cornwall. He was ambitious... he wanted to conquer the world when I met him and he fascinated me from the first moment with his beautiful gentle voice."
Louisa looked up at Eleanor, who seemed to be looking off into the distance as she remembered.
«Then, however, life confronted him with his responsibilities and it was difficult to make ends meet. We got married and after a couple of years you arrived. She held you in her arms as if you were his precious little treasure and looked at you adoringly. He had never looked at me like that." she laughed.
«Things between us were not good practically from the day we got married. There were bills and rent... there was never enough money... we argued about everything, but... above all... we didn't love each other. So Terry threw himself into gambling to redeem himself quickly, but instead he got into debt and ended up in shady circles, while I... intolerant of a type of life I had never wanted... I started to run away, until I never came back and you…" she looked at her daughter with shining eyes "…you paid the price for our frustration."
Eleanor put her hand on Louisa's arm.
"I'm sorry, Loulou…I'm so sorry."
Louisa stared at her immobile…she hadn't expected that confession. She knew the feeling... the intolerance for a life that wasn't as she had expected... the fear of having made the wrong choices and the irrepressible instinct to distance herself from the problem. Except she hadn't left James… and she loved Martin.
«It's been a long time, mum…maybe we just need to forget everything and…»
"No, I have ignored my faults for too long."
Eleanor bowed her head.
«Don't think it was easy to leave you. I suffered a lot, because I knew it was wrong to abandon my daughter. I told myself a lot of lies and made up countless excuses to justify myself. I convinced myself to ignore how I felt in the name of independence and my pride. Then...when you didn't want to join me in Spain..."
«Mum, I…»
«No, Loulou, you are not to blame. I shouldn't have asked you to make a decision like that at your age...you were just a scared little girl." she burst into tears almost without realizing it.
Louisa reached out and placed her hand on hers. Eleanor took it and held it, raising those two extraordinarily blue and tearful eyes towards her.
«I preferred to be offended by your refusal and it was damn stupid. I ruined everything and the responsibility is all mine, mine alone."
«Mum…why now…there was…no need…you were so kind to come to Portwenn to be close to me when Martin was in hospital…I…when I saw you enter through that door into the waiting room…with your arms wide open…not You know how much it helped me to have you there with me and to know that you were looking after James and Mary..."
Eleanor slid onto the bench closest to Louisa and hugged her tightly.
«My Loulou…my dear and sweet Loulou…» she murmured, caressing her head resting on her shoulder. «For once I did what I had to do, but I was a terrible mother and I can't get that time back anymore, but I will try to make up for it if you let me…»
Louisa nodded her head in agreement and Eleanor sighed in relief. As she held that grown woman in her arms… already her wife and mother… she remembered the little girl climbing onto her lap and snuggling tenderly in her lap.
"Tell me a story, mommy..." she told her and she told her about princesses, princes and castles and assured her that one day she would meet a prince of her own... handsome like few others, tall and blond. Loulou laughed with that crystal clear and spontaneous laughter of children and she added that he would be strong and would protect her from any danger. She then brushed her soft dark hair and she put her to bed, tucking her in.
Silent bitter tears streamed down her face…she hadn't seen her grow up…become a girl and then a young woman…and all because of her dissatisfaction, ignoring that Louisa was her chance to truly fulfill herself.
"Mum?"
«Mhmm?»
«Okay…if we try again…I'd be happy.» she murmured into her shoulder.
«Thanks Loulou.» she sighed and held her close. She no longer wanted to let her go, but now it was almost dawn and they went to try to sleep at least a little.
Louisa slipped under the sheets and Martin rolled onto his side. He pulled her towards him and wrapped his arms around her.
"Where have you been?" he inquired half asleep.
"Chatting with my mother in the garden."
"I understand."
He kissed her cheek and rested his face on her head, going back to sleep. Louisa listened to his steady breathing for a while, until she fell asleep herself.
Three weeks later they left Villaricos with the promise that Eleanor and Caleb would come to Portwenn for Christmas.
"Call as soon as you land in London." she warmly embraced her daughter and held her tightly. "I'll miss you, Loulou."
In the confusion of the moment, she also hugged a clearly uncomfortable and awkward Martin.
"And you…take care of her…I know you will…you always do, but…take care of my little girl."
He cleared his throat, embarrassed by his mother-in-law's behavior.
They returned to a sunny village with a holiday atmosphere. There were many tourists, the clubs were always full and the summer offered a breathtaking end to the season, with spectacular sunsets and warm evenings.
A few days after the return of the Ellingham family... to take Louisa's breath away... a decidedly unexpected visit was added.
One afternoon Terry Glasson walked up Roscarrock Hill with a not very large bag in his hand.
In those years of forced distance, he remained in contact with his daughter. He knew about her marriage to that strange doctor, about his grandchildren and about her move to the new house.
He entered the surgery, as the door was open, and asked the secretary for "Louisa Ellingham".
«Strange…usually she only receives in the morning…» Morwenna was surprised. «Do you have an appointment?"
"No, I'm Terry Glasson…her father."
«Well…maybe you should go through the main gate. Her daughter is at home right now… »
Just then the door that divided the surgery from the house opened and Louisa entered with Mary in her arms. As soon as she saw her father she stopped in amazement.
«Hi darling… how are you?» Terry's sincere joy at seeing her again was overshadowed by her daughter's worried look.
"What are you doing here?" Louisa didn't seem at all pleased with his surprise.
"I came to see you."
«Next patient…» Martin's stern voice thundered above them and the man appeared at the door of his office.
Seeing him, Mary smiled broadly and held out her little hand in his direction.
"Daad."
Her father's frown disappeared immediately as he reached over to gently take her hand in his thick fingers. He looked at his wife, who was staring at him with wide eyes and motioning for him to turn around.
"Oh." he gasped in amazement «Mr. Glasson.»
«Martin…I see you…fit.» he just didn't know what to say to that big man in an elegant suit who had become his son-in-law.
«Dad, why don't you come over there…I'll make you a cup of tea.»
Terry accepted and continued in the direction she pointed, while Martin took Louisa's arm to hold her back.
"What is your father doing here?" he whispered annoyed.
"I don't know, I didn't know anything about it."
"Does he intend to stay?" he insisted.
"I just told you I have no idea, Martin. I just came to ask you to stop and buy some fish for dinner when you pick up James and he…he was here."
"I understand."
The man glanced at Mary who hadn't stopped smiling at him and kissed her chubby little fingers.
"Yes."
Louisa looked at him dumbfounded.
«Yes, I will stop and buy fish.» he explained himself politely, before turning and returning to the study.
"You could have said you were coming." Louisa placed Mary in her playpen.
«Actually…I was afraid you wouldn't want to see me.»
"Dad…have I ever refused to meet you or hung up on you?"
«Okay, but I'm here now, aren't I? I missed you, Lou."
"Really?"
Terry perfectly caught the sarcasm in his daughter's tone, but preferred not to show it.
"And that bag?" Louisa pointed to it.
«Well...I thought I'd stop for a few days...to stay with you...and meet my grandchildren. I would like that very much." he insisted.
"And there's nothing else this time?" she continued to be suspicious.
«No, Louisa. You know I just got out of prison and frankly, at my age I'm tired of that kind of life. I no longer have the body or the head."
"You're sick?" now she got worried.
«Noo...no, absolutely, but the years pass and you have given me two grandchildren. I would love to spend time with them…and with you.»
Louisa looked into his eyes for a long time. She knew from experience how good her father was at lying… or how easily she was willing to believe him… either way, he seemed sincere. He always seemed sincere.
«Don't worry, I won't bother you. I'll rent a room in the pub."
«Yes…maybe it's the best solution.»
Terry forced a smile. In reality he had hoped to be hosted.
«Well, Lou, then… can you offer me this cup of tea and tell me how you are? In the meantime I get to know this splendid little girl.» her father approached Mary's playpen. «It's your portrait, you know? You looked just like her when you were little."
Louisa relaxed a little.
«Well, James is the portrait of Martin, instead.» Terry didn't even try to hide his skepticism.
"What's up?" now Louisa was on the defensive again.
«No…nothing…I remembered him as a taciturn and perpetually sulky guy…with the bad habit of keeping rifles in the closet…»
"It wasn't his, it belonged to… it's a long story, never mind."
"As you like. Except that he doesn't seem like the right type for a cheerful and independent woman like you. I expected you to find yourself an accomplished husband, a pillar of the community... someone capable of treating you as you deserve."
«Martin is an established man and is important for Portwenn... we have never had a doctor with his expertise... and he also has a certain economic solidity. He belongs to a lineage of doctors... highly placed people in fact."
«Okay, but it's a piece of ice…even rude. He should treat you with white gloves and kiss the ground where you walk. He was damn lucky to get you to marry him."
The woman looked at him very seriously.
«Dad, Martin is a good man, who takes care of me and our children. We don't miss anything. Of course he doesn't seem particularly affectionate, especially in front of strangers, but he knows how to show us his love in many ways. He is not like the others... his past has made him very rigid, but he is the man I chose and would choose again."
Her father was silent for a moment, struck by his daughter's eyes... eyes of a woman in love... and regretted it. After all... could he blame her for seeking the solidity that she had lacked as a child?
"You're right, Lou, I'm a real idiot. You have always been intelligent and sensible, you certainly made the right decision this time too." he touched her cheek with the back of his fingers.
"I forgot…" Terry opened his bag and took out some packages. He handed one to her daughter. "These are for you."
"Oh." she was amazed, she unwrapped the gift and found herself in her hands a very pretty red dress with delicate floral motifs. In the others there was a teddy bear for Mary, a Meccano box for James and an old mantel clock he had found in a second-hand shop for Martin.
Louisa smiled tenderly as her husband unwrapped his package. He was surprised, but also enthusiastic about that new challenge... and she saw her father again in that gesture... the same old Terry... unreliable, lying and thoughtful, who had remembered that detail. Maybe her mother was right... there were some things in common in those two men.
As he had promised, Terry took a room at the Crab. He came to dinner that evening and James liked him straight away.
Martin struggled to conceal his disappointment at his father-in-law's presence. He did not consider him a good example for his children and feared that he would hurt his wife again, but he tried to be accommodating. Louisa had warned him that he was still her father and that the children had the right to know their grandfather.
«In fact…soon…he could end up back in prison…»
"Martin!" she looked at him sternly.
"What's up?" he hadn't yet learned that some utterances, no matter how truthful, he should have kept to himself.
"Well, there is that possibility, you know it too." his attempt to apologize exasperated his wife, who turned off the bedside lamp, punched the pillow and rolled over onto her side on the other side.
Martin sat still…as if waiting. After a moment he cleared his throat.
"What do you want now?" Louisa snapped.
«Um…nothing…that is…» he stammered.
"Martin?" she urged impatiently.
"My goodnight kiss..." he complained anguished.
"What?"
His wife turned the lamp back on and sat up irritably. When she saw his round, disappointed eyes, she sighed.
"You didn't give me my kiss before bed." he repeated innocently.
For a long time Louisa's lips had begun to move on his cheek until they now reached his mouth with the goodnight kiss and it was a habit he didn't want to give up.
She reached over and kissed him, then looked at him questioningly.
"Thank you." he replied, clearly pleased and turned off the light to settle himself under the sheets.
Louisa shook her head and did the same.
"Forgive me."
She turned her head towards him, who was lying on his stomach.
"From what I said about your father…even if it's true, I guess it's not nice for me to point it out to you."
"No, Martin, it's not."
"I have to learn to hold back."
"I would really appreciate it."
"Well. Goodnight Louisa."
He reached for her hand and intertwined his fingers with hers.
«Night…Martin.»
After two weeks, Terry still hadn't caused any problems. He still endured the dirty looks of the older villagers, who remembered his misdeeds well, but he tried to ignore them. He visited his daughter's house regularly, played with the children and made an effort to get to know his son-in-law. In fact… the more he had to do with him the less he understood why Louisa had married him.
Time passed, but the man still showed no signs of wanting to leave. When questioned about this, he finally admitted that he intended to remain and live in Portwenn.
«Are you sure this is a good idea, dad? »
«Well…I was hoping that at least my daughter would be happy about it.»
«Dad, many people still insult you when they see you in town... doesn't it bother you? I can't imagine how they might react knowing that you intend to stay."
"Oh, don't worry about that. They'll make a bit of a fuss at first and soon forget about it." Terry minimized with a wave of his hand.
"If you say so…"
Louisa poured tea into their cups. In half an hour she would be leaving to pick up James from school.
«Maybe it's because you don't want me here...Lou?»
"That's not what I said." she cut it short.
"But that's what your eyes say…and your husband."
«What does Martin have to do with it now? He's trying to be… accommodating. He works very hard... maybe the result isn't always good, but he tries."
"I'm trying too, honey." he took her hand and stared at her. «I will never be able to make up for the time I lost with you, nor make up for all the promises I made to you and the lies I told. Unfortunately in prison you have a lot of time to reflect... I know I'm worth little as a man and I know I've disappointed you many times.»
Terry leaned closer and placed his other hand on her cheek.
«Please…I have only you in the world. You are the only person that matters in my life and I am an old and tired man. Let me stop and let me do it next to my daughter."
Louisa listened in silence. Her father's eyes were bright and once again appeared sincere and repentant. She tried to suppress her tears.
"I know. It is absolutely selfish of me to only do this now when I am afraid of old age, but…I really feel the desire to know the woman you have become, because everything I see and hear suggests that my daughter has grown up really well…despite an unreliable father like myself."
At that moment Martin entered, trying to conceal his shock at the scene he had just seen.
«Uhmm…I'm done for today…if you want I'll go get James.» he cleared his throat.
Louisa was looking at her father again.
"If you want to stay, you don't need my permission, Dad."
Martin…standing in the middle of the living room…raised an eyebrow.
"Will you come visit me, though? Will we be together sometimes? Even for a walk or a coffee. Maybe you'll let me buy the kids ice cream..."
Martin changed his position and was about to deliver a lecture on the dangers of ice cream and excessive sugar, but his wife spoke before him.
"All right. I hope this time you mean what you're doing, because if I find out that you have one of your crazy ideas or if you disappear out of the blue, I...I don't think I'll ever give you another chance, Dad."
He hugged her and kissed her gently on the temple… a gesture that caught his son-in-law's attention. In fact, it seemed curious to Martin that another man had that confidence and that spontaneity towards his wife, even if he was her father.
'I won't make any promises, Louisa. I will show you with facts that I am sincere." he cupped her face in his hands. «Thank you, my child!»
She smiled shyly. After all... how many more opportunities would she still have with him?
«Dad…you don't have just me. You also have two grandchildren now…and a son-in-law." she said the last word with a hint of irony and turned to look at Martin with an amused expression.
"I…I'll go get James then." Martin felt the need to quickly leave the room.
As he walked briskly to school, he mulled over the affectionate attitude Terry always reserved for her daughter. He was a chronic liar… a thief and probably a swindler, but he loved Louisa very much. His eyes shone when he looked at her and he had no problem calling her "darling" or "dear"... showing her his feelings with a caress or a kiss or a hug.
However, Louisa had grown up benefiting from tender gestures and loving words. She had always been perfectly integrated into her village, even a point of reference for the community. She was sociable, she loved the company of other people and sometimes she would meet up at the pub with friends and colleagues to have fun and relax. Everyone knew her and she knew everyone. Every time he was with her in the village, almost every person greeted her with a smile and a kind word... now they greeted him too, but with a more rigid tone... and Louisa responded to each one with sympathy and a bright smile, remembering the name of each.
Come to think of it…since she was with him…she had given up much of that sociality. On the other hand, with his grumpy and intolerant character towards people, she had had to adapt to avoid making a bad impression or conflicts between the two of them and, for the first time, it didn't seem right to him. Besides, his children might also be ashamed of him one day and he didn't want to cause inconvenience to his family. Of course... in recent years he had forced himself to endure some social occasions... Penhale's wedding party, Al and Morwenna's engagement party, holidays in Spain, children's birthdays... but he had always done it with resignation and discomfort. Louisa had stopped pointing out how rigid he was in those situations… maybe she was used to it, but he wondered if it was right.
Martin suddenly realized that he envied Terry's spontaneity... a characteristic that was not his at all. It was still very difficult for him to let go and express his affection to his children or his wife. This is why he tried to always be present and take care of their needs... it was the only way he knew to demonstrate how he felt towards them.
He was brought out of his musings by a James running towards him and calling out to him. Luckily he had inherited a good dose of genuineness from his mother. He took his hand and they headed home, chatting calmly about the child's day. When he began the climb, his son looked at him in that sly way that he knew well. With a sigh of mock exasperation, he picked him up and the little one clung to his neck contentedly. He had also learned from Louisa how to make him do what he wanted.
A slight smile appeared on his lips...James, in fact, was explaining to him that he really liked learning and that he would be a scientist when he grew up.
Later, as he took off his watch to place it on the bedside table, he and his wife resumed the conversation about Terry.
"I know you don't like having strangers in your house, Martin, and I know you don't think much of my father, but I can't stop him from living in Portwenn if that's what he wants."
«It's just that I don't consider him a good example for our children... and I wouldn't want him to make you feel bad like the last time. We must also consider that his "friends" are criminals and that they could emerge again from his past, like that Jonathan. What if he puts you and the children in danger?"
"He wouldn't…I mean…not him personally. The one with his crazy friend was an isolated episode... I think." she concluded perplexed.
Martin noticed the sadness in her eyes, also she had just remarked that he didn't want strangers in the house. It was absolutely true and he considered anyone other than the three of them and Ruth a stranger. The fact that his childhood had been marked by the lack of a real family and his consequent aversion to anyone should not have affected his wife's existence, however. Yet he was doing it. It was time to review his approach. Louisa's childhood had also been influenced by a runaway mother and an unreliable father, but she had reacted without closing herself off from the world.
"He's not a stranger." he said slipping under the covers and leaning on the pillow.
«Mhm?»
«Terry. He is not a stranger... he is your father and as such you have every right to invite him to our home... you have the right to invite whoever you want, in fact."
She looked at him in amazement.
"Really, Martin?"
"Certain. He's your family, as is your mother... and as Ruth has become, I think. So it's my family too and I'm learning... very slowly... that it's an important value. I mean…I already knew…you and the children give meaning to my life and caring for you also means accepting the people you love. If they're fine...you're fine...and I'm fine too."
"You just made a very sweet point, Martin."
She kissed him tenderly and caressed his forehead.
"I'll just have to keep an eye on your father to see when he gets into trouble." he concluded, turning off the lamp on the bedside table.
Louisa snuggled into his chest and he was happy to put his arm around her. It was the moment he loved most of the day... when they lay together... in the dark... talking until they fell asleep.
«Actually...the idea of him remaining scares and excites me at the same time. I'm afraid I couldn't stand it if he disappointed me for the umpteenth time... because you don't get used to it and it always hurts.» Louisa sighed deeply and held onto him tighter.
«At the same time I'm happy to have him back in my life, because we've been through a lot together. After mum left, he did the best he could. Many times he reassured me that she loved me, but that she felt forced to make that choice. He could have spoken badly about her... accused her of all our problems... instead he preferred to play down her behavior so that I wouldn't feel rejected."
"And did it help?"
«Not much, but I appreciated the effort. There's little to go around. My mother abandoned me, for whatever reason. I would never do it with James or Mary, I wouldn't go without them for anything in the world."
"No, I'm sure you never would."
«I also ran away from you… more than once… and maybe I shouldn't comment, but I took my son with me… and in any case it was thought of as a temporary separation.» she hid her face against her chest.
«For fear of making the same mistakes as my parents, I ended up actually making them and ran away from difficulties.»
He took a deep breath, considering her answer.
«Well, but you understood what scared you and you tried to fix the situation... and then you have to consider that I didn't make things easy for you at all... a variable like me would put anyone in difficulty, I know. »
She peered up, but the dim light didn't allow her to see his face well.
«But now I've found my place and I'm happy, so... I think I'm able to move beyond what happened. I'm older and I understand better that life doesn't always go the way you want and that the line between making an irreparable mistake and doing it is very thin. I know what it means to make a mistake and it would be foolish of me to reject my parents now. They have both matured and recognized their mistakes. What would be the point of continuing to remind them? I prefer to try to recover an acceptable relationship, as long as possible."
«I understand…and you're right.»
«Do you find it? I also learned a lot from you and your mother, you know..."
«Hating isn't good for anyone... and it's useless.» he placed a kiss on her forehead.
"I love my father, despite everything."
«Then enjoy him. Don't worry, whatever happens, I will be with you."
«I know, Martin, I know well...»
«And then, without him… I wouldn't have you.» he added, clearing his throat.