Bella
Over the next hour, everyone is tense.
While they want to get going with the search, everyone knows that it would be fruitless to start without Alice or Jasper, and that will have to wait until Alice can leave school without rousing too much suspicion.
I've spent the time curled up on the couch next to Edward, trying to process the danger I've suddenly found myself back in.
Although I'd been so close to dying that day on the rocks, the idea of being caught by Victoria gives me the shudders. Realistically, I know that she probably wouldn't have just killed me and made it clean.
Laurent, I remember, abruptly sitting up. "Did the wolves tell you about Laurent?" I ask, having completely forgotten about that interaction.
"No, we know he's missing, but other than that, nothing. Why, what happened?"
Several other family members have appeared in the living room with us, even though I know they don't need to be close to hear.
"I was walking in the woods and he was there, at our meadow. The wolves killed him. He said Victoria was out for revenge, a mate for a mate. He… he was looking for me."
I don't recognise the expression that's passed around the room and I look up at Edward quizzically.
"Laurent resided for a while with our cousins, the Denali's, and claimed to be committed to changing his ways."
"His eyes were red, about as red as the Volturi's," I say, suspecting that his claims may not have been followed through.
Edward looks past my head to Carlisle who is standing in the doorway and nods his head. "Yes, I think you should do it, sooner rather than later."
Worried that I've caused even more problems for the family, I drop my head and start wringing my hands in my lap.
"This isn't your fault," Edward tries to soothe, wrapping his cold hands around mine, "he was there to kill you.
"In your world, that isn't so bad," I say, thinking back to the screams I'd heard in Volterra. So many people dying at their hands and not even an ounce of compassion. "I don't know why you bother."
"You're my mate, therefore I protect you. One day I hope you'll see your own beauty, but until then, I can only keep reminding you. I love you Bella."
"He's right," Jasper says walking through the door arm in arm with Alice.
As everyone had now arrived, they all congregate again in the dining room. Only Carlisle is missing and I suspect he's still on the phone.
While waiting, everyone catches the pair up on the conversation so far.
"I tracked her scent for a few miles, but then it disappeared. I didn't want to go too far, just in case I was leaving anyone here vulnerable," Jasper explains.
"Alice," Carlisle says appearing in the room, "Have you seen anything?"
"Nothing, I'm sorry. It's like I can't quite tune into her. I'll keep trying though," her bubbly self is hampered with the worry.
I listen blankly as the family creates a plan. Not having anything remotely helpful to suggest and starting to feel unwell, I just put my head on Edward's chest and close my eyes.
Some time later, I wake up still cuddled into Edward's chest, but this time in his bedroom. Immediately I recognise the thrumming of a headache.
I twist my face to rest my forehead on the bare skin of his neck, letting the coolness ease the tension.
"Bella?" Edward asks, "are you alright?"
Humming a short response, I scrunch my eyes closed further, trying to block out the light. "Head," I mutter.
He pulls me closer and gently runs his fingers through my hair, the cool touch feeling nice.
After a few moments, he pulls back slightly and gets to his feet.
"No, stay here," I groan, the movement making my head jostle.
"I'm not leaving, we're just going downstairs. I'm going to get you a drink."
Resigned, I just let him move, trying my best to keep my head still. Within moments, I'm being placed on a chair and a cup of cool water being placed in my hand.
"You've not drunk enough, that's what's causing the headache," Edward says. "Finish this while I get you some pills to take."
I follow his instructions, keeping my eyes closed as he leaves the room to go up to what I suspect is Carlisle's office.
The first sip of water releases intense feelings of thirst I hadn't realised I had and I gulp down the entire cup, letting the moisture soothe my throat. When Edward gets back, he fills up my cup, placing two pills in my hand and starts to bustle around the kitchen.
"Esme has soup made, do you want chicken or vegetable?" he asks. I open my eyes, preparing to argue, but the look on his face silences my protests.
With a non committal shrug, I say, "Either, whichever is on top."
I pop the pills in my mouth and swallow them with a big gulp of water. Still feeling achy, I put my arms on the table and rest my head on them.
The sound of the microwave whirring can be heard and then Edward's cold hand is at the base of my skull. Without meaning to, I let out a small moan of relief.
"Everything aches."
"It'll settle soon. I'm sorry you're in so much pain. I'd take it away if I could."
Not having the energy to placate him right now, I don't respond, just letting the coolness soothe my head.
When the microwave pings, Edward get's up and returns holding a mug of soup.
Holding his hand out to me, I stand up and walk with him into the living room where the chairs are much more comfortable. I flop back, thankful to not be holding the soup, and Edward wraps a warm blanket around my shoulders, placing the mug in my hands. The warmth feels nice.
Finally looking around, I realise we're alone. "Where is everyone?"
"Out looking for Victoria," my face falls. While I hadn't forgotten, it had drifted to the back of my mind. "But Carlisle will be back soon as he has to work."
I nod, regretting the movement when it feels as though my brain is sloshing around inside my head.
We sit in a comfortable silence for some time as I sip on the warm liquid and wait for the medication to kick in. As it starts to work its magic, my face starts to relax and the pain in my nose, that I hadn't noticed before over the headache, starts to ease too.
"Better?" Edward asks, brushing some hair out of my face.
Smiling at him, I say, "Yes, thank you." I pass him the mug and he places it on one of the nearby side tables. "This wasn't how I wanted today to go," I complain, becoming frustrated, "I wanted to do better, to try and fix me, but it hasn't worked at all."
"That's hardly your fault Bella," he chides. "I think most people would be rattled by the fact that a vampire is after them."
"It was before that though, I didn't even make it into school. If I had, we'd still be blissfully oblivious."
"You know it doesn't work that way. We can't predict the future, well, most of us can't. Besides, you made a big decision this morning. It doesn't matter what else happened afterwards, you're still trying. And, Carlisle will be here momentarily and you can tell him all about it."
Carlisle chooses that moment to walk in and I send Edward a dirty look. Carlisle just chuckles and sends us a questioning glance.
"Bella wanted to ask you something," Edward says ducking out of the way of my swinging hand aiming for his shoulder. I'm thankful he does because I really don't need another part of me hurting, even if his quick moments frustrate me no end.
"It's nothing," I say through clenched teeth. That decision seems like ages ago, and made in the throes of anxiety; I should think about it further before committing to it.
Carlisle doesn't look convinced, but he goes on, "Alright, I'm gonna get ready then I'll be back down." With a smile, he walks off up the stairs.
Hissing, trying not to be overheard, I say, "I'm not sure, just… don't bring it up."
Stage whispering in my ear, he replies, "He can still hear you." I cross my arms and turn my back to him. "What are you scared of?"
I think about it for a few moments. I'm not scared about admitting to Carlisle that I'm struggling, he very clearly already knows that. And, I'm not scared of taking medication - being so battered and bruised throughout the years, it's an occupational hazard. So what is it? Then it comes to me. "The unknown," I whisper, terrified of what may come next.
"Surely the best way to overcome fear of the unknown is to make it known? Ask questions, find out answers. It's safe here."
He's right, and as much as I want to dismiss his logic, I can't, so, still in a small voice, I say, "Fine, I'll find out more, but I'm not promising anything."
I stay with my back to him until Carlisle comes back downstairs. Although I don't think I'll see anything bad, I need to keep my own control and not let him influence me.
Listening, I hear Carlisle pad across the room, sitting on one of the armchairs opposite us but just out of my eyeline.
"You wanted to talk?"
Even though I know it's rude, I ignore him and stare out of the window. I don't know what to say and I don't know how to say it. How does anyone manage this?!
A cool hand is placed on my back and I shrug it off, "Don't touch me," I snap.
"Bella," Carlisle says, "Did you want to talk about my suggestions from the other day?"
Resisting the urge to tell him too to get lost, I nod my head.
"Great, well as I said, there's several options. Let's start by working out what your aims are. What's worrying you most at the moment?"
Thinking, I want to say everything, but that isn't going to help. "I don't know what you mean," I mutter avoiding the question.
"Different medications help in different ways. Some can help to stabilise mood, others can help with anxiety, some do a mixture of both. Is there a specific area that you'd like to try and tackle first?"
Immediately, I say, "The panic."
I brave a look up to see Carlisle the picture of relaxation and ease. This helps me settle and I let out a breath I hadn't realised I was holding. Next to me, Edward is stiff as a board.
"There are a few things that can help with panic attacks. Have you heard of beta blockers?" Carlisle asks. I shake my head. "Well, they help by blocking the effects of adrenaline which helps stop the fight or flight response. Initially, you can take them constantly, but down the line, you can just take them as needed." He goes on to explain a little about the potential side effects and cautions.
"So, they won't make me feel better, but I won't react quite so severely?"
"Spot on. There are other short term and fast acting options, like sedatives, but I don't advise those just yet." He goes on to explain the pros and cons of the sedatives just like he'd done with the other medication. "Do you have a preference between the two so far?"
"The first one. I don't want to be sleepy. Not when…" I trail off picturing Victoria's face in my mind.
"Would you like to try something else alongside it? Something that could help stop you feeling so low?" Thinking, but not knowing enough about what he's suggesting to make an informed decision, I ask for more information. "Of course, there's…" he goes on to explain various different options, again with the pros and cons of each one, at the end letting me decide which I feel is best for me.
"I think the second one you talked about, the SNRI's?" I query having already forgotten the name.
"SSRI, selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor. If you're happy, I can pick up those two for you while I'm at work. It doesn't matter if you change your mind, but then at least you have them ready if you decide it's the right time."
"Thank you," I say, becoming embarrassed by my earlier behaviour. "I didn't mean earlier… I mean… I'm sorry."
"Perfectly understandable, but I'm afraid I must be going now else I'll be late. Is there anything else I can get you?" I shake my head. "Goodbye then."
He walks away, leaving me with Edward.
His face is in forced calmness. "What's wrong?" I ask, concerned about what he's hiding.
"Nothing," he says, a small amount of the mask dropping to show a small smile. "I'm so proud of you, that's all."
"Huh," I say, baffled by his statement.
"After everything, you're still trying, and I can see how difficult it is. So I'm proud of you."
My cheeks redden and I turn away from his stare.
Clearing my throat, I ask, "What else are we doing today?" changing the subject.
"Anything you want, but I suggest studying. Alice showed me what you'd have missed and I thought I could help you catch up for a while if you're feeling up to it."
Slouching against the back of the couch, I let a large groan out of my lips. "Fine, I'll do school."
Secretly, I'm just glad he isn't suggesting going back to school again today. That's a problem for tomorrow.