Bella
"Sorry, I can't make it to the phone right now, please leave a message after the tone."
Once again, Edward's phone goes straight to the answer machine. As much as I want to listen to Esme's suggestions that it's probably out of battery, I can't help worrying.
It's been two days since we heard anything from them, and I don't know what to do. What if something terrible has happened and we don't know? Not that I could do anything to help.
Once again I curse my fragility in still being human.
Charlie, having seen my jitters, still won't let me drive around, so I'm stuck in the house for now. Besides, it's not as though I can really go anywhere with the looming threat. I need to stay somewhere safe and predictable.
Usually I wouldn't mind, but after having been cooped up inside for so long and then stuck at school for the rest of the days, I really don't want to spend all of my Saturday inside too. Even Charlie is off fishing for the day.
Switching off the tele and dumping the remote down on the side table, I climb to my feet. There isn't much to do here, but there are always jobs I can be getting done.
I throw a load of laundry in the washer and then get out the cleaning supplies.
Filling the sink with hot soapy water, I start to scrub down all of the kitchen surfaces. The units are reasonably clean, but when I start scrubbing at the stove and then the oven, I realise that it may well never have been cleaned. I don't mind, it gives me something to burn off the nervous jitters.
When I finish with the oven, I start pulling materials out of the cupboards and cleaning the shelves off. Over the last few months they'd developed a sticky layer of dust, especially at the back.
Several sinks full of filthy water later, and the kitchen is nearly spotless and I step back to admire my handiwork.
Looking at the clock and seeing that it's nearly lunchtime, I decide to at least try and get a small amount of school work done.
Upstairs, I grab the top folder off of the mountain and open it up. Edward had organised it all for me, the information is now separated into each assignment question, so I have everything I need ready. Trying not to overload myself, I take just the top assignment and my laptop downstairs.
As I wait for the laptop to load up, I look over the information sheet.
Sighing with relief, I realise that I've picked up Biology. While I'm just as behind in this subject, at least it's something that I know and can answer reasonably easily.
I work my way through each of the questions in turn.
At the end of half an hour, I look over my work, delighted with how much I've managed to achieve. I acknowledge that some of the answers could have been better, but then I could be doing better in a lot of ways.
Glancing at the time at the bottom of the laptop, half past one.
Not closing the lid, hoping it'll keep the motivation streek going, I head to the fridge and pull out the ingredients for a simple salad. It's not much, but it's at least something, and I'm hoping that the fresh vegetables won't irritate my stomach too much.
The rhythmic chopping of the veggies settles my nerves some and a song starts to come into my head. Swaying my hips, while being mindful of the sharp edge, I hum the song aloud, stopping several times to belt out lines.
It's only as I'm putting it all in the dish and tossing it together with a vinaigrette I remember that I'm constantly being watched, and with the vampire hearing they must have heard everything.
A furnace rises in my face and I know that I've turned beet red. Blushing is firmly on the list of things that I won't miss after I've changed.
Change, such a small word but with such significance.
Even now I can't quite believe the change in stance Edward had about changing me, and while I'm sure it's what I want, while I'm here alone, I do let myself worry slightly.
It's not even worrying for me, though I know Edward is worried about that. He'd explained to me about Rosalie's change and how she found herself stuck in misery for so many years.
I'd not yet spoken to anyone about what would happen if I were changed while on medication. Would I still need it? I doubt it because it's not as though vampires can absorb human medications. Would all the brain alterations continue? Or worse, something I've not considered?
Stabbing at a piece of lettuce harder than I should have done, I shovel it into my mouth.
I want to ask more questions about what's going to happen. I've gathered that the process won't be the most enjoyable or easy thing I've experienced, but it's helpful to be prepared. I'm just so worried that my questions will cause more trepidation.
The family is in so much danger right now. There's only so long until the Volturi come back to check, and while I know their timelines are rather different to mine as a human, the idea of them checking in a century to find me long dead and never having been changed I suspect would be a death sentence for the entire family.
No. Ever since I stepped foot in Italy, I'd sealed my fate and no matter the arguments, there's no choice. What's done is done.
Instead, I turn my attention to my family.
Renee will be fine. She might be sad for a while, but I foresee the grief being like that of between two distant friends. Sadness, but no major life change or upheaval. Set the scene up right, she'll accept it and move on.
Charlie, however, will be harder. I want him to have the closure of a funeral, but I also don't want to think about what would be required for that to happen. Obviously my body won't be there. If there's nothing, will he ever stop searching?
Tears are falling down my cheeks and into the remains of my salad.
As I start to consider what I need to put in place before my disappearance, maybe life insurance or something else to ensure my family is looked after, there's a knock at the door.
Swiping at the tears on my face so that I at least look semi presentable, I head over to answer it.
There on the doorstep is a worried looking Angela.
"Hi," she says, "I wanted to make sure you were ok, you know, after what happened at school."
Forcing a smile that looks more like a grimace, I reply, "Thanks, it was just Jake. Arguments are nothing new."
"Still, he said some hurtful, and confusing things." I freeze. She had been listening. What do I do now?
Opening the door further, I gesture for her to come inside.
She follows me into the kitchen, barely looking towards the various papers scattered over the table.
"Drink?" I ask opening a cupboard door.
"No thanks, I shouldn't stay long, I need to be home to babysit."
I close the door and join her sitting at the table. It's tense for several minutes, neither of us knowing where to start.
"Sorry," Angela finally says, "It's so lame, I'd practiced this and everything. I just, what that guy said about their world. Are you in trouble?"
I fight to keep a straight face, "No, it's…" I rack my rather slow brain to try and think of a justification for his words. "it's that the res, life is so different over there, you know."
She doesn't look convinced. "You know you can talk to me righ? I won't say anything. It must be hard with your mom so far away and your dad, well, I bet he isn't the easiest to talk to about anything below board."
Snorting, "You got that right. Honestly, I'm fine, it's just been a hard few months and I'm.. umm. I'm trying something new."
Tilting her head and giving me a questioning gaze, I continue. "Umm, from the doctors. I mean, I'm not mad or anything… It's just trying it."
"Oh, no worries, my mom's on meds too, it's no big deal."
Surprised by her casual acceptance, I stare slightly open mouthed. "You don't think I'm like nuts or something?"
"No, of course not!" she looks horrified that I've even considered it. "Things happen sometimes, and well, things have been… strange, for you recently."
"Yeah, it's better than the rumours though," I say, thinking about the wild speculations that have been running rampant around the school the last few days. Everything from my cheating on Edward with Jake to me hiding Edward's underground black market. The whole thing is ridiculous, but won't seem to go away. I'm sure this is the most attention the Cullens have ever had on themselves and once again I feel the guilt start to build.
"Sorry about those, I tried to stop Jessica, but you know what she's like when she gets an idea in a town this small. It'll be gone soon. Where is Edward though?" she asks hesitantly. "You didn't really answer the other day."
"He's handling some business," I say, remembering the line that he'd given me before he left. "Something to do with his birth parents."
"He's found them?" she blurts.
"They weren't lost, just, not in the picture. It's not really my story to tell," I say hoping she'll drop it.
"Yes, of course. I wasn't thinking."
Again, we lapse into a tense silence.
Eventually, she lifts her wrist and pretends to look at a watch that isn't really there. "Well, if that's the time, I'd better be going. If you need help," she says gesturing to my laptop and papers, "I can try my best. It's impressive to still be trying after everything. I'm not sure I'd still be going."
I nod to her words, not correcting her delusion about my level of coping.
Letting her out of the front door, a massive smile builds on my face as a familiar silver Volvo pulls up at the side of the road.
"Well," Angela says, "Only one family in town has cars like that." Chuckling, she trots down the driveway, flashing a quick wave to Edward who is climbing out of his car.
Not wearing any shoes, I don't rush to greet him, and his slow human walk starts to grate on my nerves.
Only just remembering, I wave to Angela as she drives off.
Finally, Edward is in front of me and I launch myself into his chest, wrapping my arms around his back. He hesitates for a moment, then pulls me closer. "I missed you," he whispers in my ear.
Sudden anger rising up, I pull away from him and go back further into the house.
He follows me, closing the door softly. Once he's standing stiffly by the door, I start pacing the small room. It takes all of my effort to keep my fists balled at my side and not throw various things around.
"Bella?" he asks uncertain.
Feeling the rage bubble up, I shout, "You missed me! But didn't answer. I thought you weren't coming home." The final words taper off and I collapse into fits of sobs. "It's just all so confusing."
"I'm sorry I left you alone," he says taking a step forward. "Will you let me explain?"
Logically, I can understand his words and want to listen, but it's just so hard. Why am I so unstable?
He doesn't rush me for an answer, instead just moving slowly closer until he's crouched down next to me on the floor. Part of me wants to shuffle away from him, but I'm also desperate for the comfort I've been missing the last few days.
We sit together for a while until my sobs eventually taper off. Wiping my face with the back of my hand, I look up at him. "Sorry, I don't know what happened," hoping he won't notice the lie.
A hand appears in front of me and I grab it, letting him help me to my feet. I'm barely standing when he once again wraps his arms around me.
"I'm sorry, we ended up in some water and it killed our phones," he explains stroking my hair softly.
Sniffing and then cringing at the awful sound, I step back. "Will you tell me about it?"
Instead of answer, he leads me over to the couch, sitting down then pulling me into his lap. Being close to him is helping to ease some of the pain I'd been feeling while he was away.
"Well, we followed her quite a way. It was in Canada that we completely lost her trail and had to double back. Jasper thinks she has a gift for evasion. No matter what we did, we couldn't get close enough for me to get a clear read on her thoughts and Alice can't get a good fix on her future either. It's obvious she wants something, we just don't know what still."
"Did you manage to find anything out?" I look up in time to see his face go stony, but it's quickly smoothed over. "Tell me, please?"
"We suspect, and this is just a theory, that Billy's disappearance has something to do with Victoria."
"How so?" I say bolting upright in shock.
"While he isn't a wolf, he's got the genes of the wolf, and Alice gets the same kind of fuzzy precognition when she looks for Billy as she does when she's trying to get a fix on Victoria."
I can feel all of the blood drain out of my face. Billy, my dad's best friend, could be caught in the hands of that twisted mad woman, all because of me. How could I ever explain this to Charlie? Simply, I never could explain this, not completely.
"Please don't worry, you've got enough protection that she won't be able to get within a mile of you without one of us realising and acting. And, if it's true that Billy is involved, it means he's still alive. So there is still hope."
Looking over at him, I feel warmth swell up inside me. Despite all of his hatred for the pack, he's still thinking about on of their's welfare because it matters to me.
"Thanks," I say leaning back against him again. "Everything is just, it's all a bit much right now."
"Tell me about what you've been up to?" he asks returning to stroking my hair. Briefly distracted by the feeling, I lean into his hand. Chuckling, he carries on, but it brings my attention back to him.
I retell the stories of everything that's happened at home and school while he'd been gone. Everything from the rumours to the fight with Jacob.
"I'm sorry he upset you," he says, "Is there anything else?"
"No, just been plodding on, you know, same old, same old."
"Esme mentioned that you'd been unwell."
Under my breath I mutter, "tattle tale" which causes Edward to laugh softly. "I'm fine, all better, see."
"Humm," he hums his agreement. "Nothing else to share?"
Wondering if I should tell him, I slap my hand to my forehead in exasperation. He already knows. "I, umm, I started those things." Between the change in my blood and Angela's thoughts, I don't know how I even considered being able to hide this from him. Good grief, even Esme must have realised!
"Really?" he asks, badly hiding his desire to ask me an excessive amount of questions.
"I don't really want to talk about it," I admit quietly. "I just, I didn't want you to worry."
"Of course I would worry," he says abruptly and slightly harshly. "I know it's hard to understand, but I want to worry for you. I want to support you." Then his voice drops. "I want you to trust me enough to help you."
Feeling as though I've kicked a puppy, I quickly apologise.
"No," he says, "This is for me to prove to you, not the other way around. I.." he stops, steadies himself and then continues. "It doesn't matter. I'm so proud of you. It mustn't have been easy?"
I shake my head. "I'm glad you're home."
"Me too; I'm not going anywhere for a long time. Besides," he using his finger to lift my chin, "we can mess with Jessica tomorrow." I laugh lightly with him.