I wish someone had explained to me what losing your virginity as a woman will feel like the next day. Granted I understand it's different for every person, but I wish someone would have at least given me a warning, so I at least was mentally prepared; because fuck….fuuuccckkk, it hurts.

I wake up and the soreness is unbelievable. The throbbing ache between my legs is akin to a marathon run with no training whatsoever. He was right, I wasn't going to be able to walk, I don't even know if I'll be able to sit up.

I don't move as I reach down to touch my aching core and I feel him shift behind me, feel his arms reach around me, his hand splays on my abdomen and pulls me into his hard chest and stomach, his face is in my hair and I forget how much pain I'm in. The warmth of his naked body feels like a soothing liniment to the ache between my legs and I melt into him as he inhales deeply.

"How do you feel?" he says, his voice gravelly and hoarse.

"I'm okay," I lie, but ever since he put his arm around me, it is starting to feel better, which is remarkable…and strange.

"Yeah, I'm not buyin' that, princess," and his splayed hand travels down over my thigh, rubbing it with his hot course palms, "three rounds is a lot even for someone who's not a virgin, Bella."

Three rounds…and it was absolutely blissful, intoxicating, heartbreaking. I could have died last night and it would never be enough; and each one was more intense than the previous, the orgasm even more powerful, the way he would punish me with his mouth, his teeth, his hands, his cock…it was devastating and somehow it wasn't enough. I needed more; more punishment, more pain, more pressure from his body. I needed it like a narcotic, like alcohol, like nicotine…like him.

I turn to face him and hook my leg around his knee, being mindful of how much I'm opening my hips and his hand wraps around my low back pulling me flush against him. His eyes are clear and bright, the flecks of green practically glow in the morning sunlight and I feel my heart stutter in my chest.

He places his mouth to my forehead, applies gentle pressure as he says, "I can feel it, you know."

"Feel what?" I ask as I melt into the softness of his mouth on my forehead.

"Your pain," he whispers and he pulls me somehow even closer into his body, so that my hips are flush against his, "I didn't know it felt like that," he says softly, "I would have been more gentle if I knew."

The strength of the bond between wolf and imprinted determines the strength of abilities, I thought of what I had read from the book and noted as Paul spoke. If he could feel what I was feeling…hear what I was thinking…what else could we do? How strong was this bond?

"I also felt you when you came," he says as he gently rubbed his groin into me, feeling the ache turn into something more warm, slick, electric, "I've never felt anything like it, princess."

Princess was beginning to grow on me. Maybe it's because he says it so much I've grown accustomed to it, or more likely because it's him that's saying it, with that voice that licks over my skin like velvet, sending shivers down my back and into my core. He could just say princess to me over and over and send me right over the edge.

I nuzzle into his neck, placing open mouthed kisses over his collarbone and along his neck. Then I roll my hips against his erection and the pain shoots up into my abdomen and my hips jerk back as I let out a small yelp and he sucks in air through his teeth.

"Fuck," he says quietly, covering his dick with one of his hands, "oh my god Bella."

"Oh god, sorry…I mean…" I say, cuz I mean…do I apologize? It was my hymen that got ripped to shreds last night, not his. I kind of thought the karma was a bit poetic, actually.

"I'd ask you to go get me some motrin but I think Charlie would have a stroke," I whisper as I run my hands down his arms and over his hand that covers his aching groin, gently rubbing my fingers over the mound of his cock and a low growl vibrates from his chest.

"Bella, I don,-"

"Trust me," I say as my eyes flick up to him and he looks unsure. I gently press my lips to his, then another to his throat, his chest, his stomach, the muscular expanse between his hips…

"Bella," he whispers, "you…"

"Quiet, Lahote," I say softly as I reach where I am endeavoring. I take him into my hands feeling him lengthen and thicken as I kiss over his swelling tip; and I feel it…the desire that is building within him, the fire that builds is like a healing embrocation over every painful part of my core. My tongue laves over his tip and I take him into my mouth and his hands are in my hair, fisting my strands tight as he suppresses a moan. I wrap my hand around his base and take as much of him into my mouth as I can, letting my tongue slide underneath and then around. I taste his prespend as his hips jerks gently forward into my mouth.

"Oh god," Paul hisses through his teeth as I stroke down the length close to his base, my tongue swirling around the head taking him all the way back to my soft palate where the back of my throat contracts around him and I salivate, "fuck…oh fuck."

I speed up my pumps as his hips jerk more into my mouth, his cock beginning to pulse, and he's muttering things like, "sweetheart…like that…so good…don't stop…please…please…" and I feel myself start to tense my thighs as my core grows more slick. I think to myself briefly about how odd the word "sweetheart," sounds coming out of his mouth and how much I enjoy hearing him scramble through the intense pleasure that I am giving him. I'm gently rubbing my thighs together as I swirl my tongue around the tip of him and pump my hand down his base, the heat from my core is building and I feel like I've reached my own ledge as his cock pulses and he says, "princess…oh fuck," he jerks his hips again and I take as much of him as I can in my mouth, feeling my throat constrict around his tip and I hollow my cheeks sucking hard; and I feel my core begin to flutter as I inch over the lip of the cliff that promises me bliss…ecstasy…devastation. His hips jerk as he says, "Bella…fuck…I'm gonna…I need to…"

Do it , I push into his mind. I want all of you, and I mean it; I want it. Every piece of him. I want to consume everything he has, devour every part of him and as he bites into his hand and rocks his hips upwards forcing his cock farther back into my throat he releases and it's fucking magnificent. That salt and bitterness is like the darkness that I fall into that envelops me and rocks through my body as the heat surges up my spine and I fall apart with him, and I remember what he said to me moments ago, "I also felt you when you came." I realize that this heat that is tearing through my body, breaking every part of me into sheer unadulterated release is mostly what he is feeling and it makes it even more powerful.

I don't waste any of it as I drink every bit of him, feeling his spend invade my body and fill me like he was meant to. I feel his hand on my back and his fist in my hair loosen.

I had overheard conversations between Angela and Jessica about blow jobs, about how they thought cum tasted weird, and that gagging felt gross; at the time I didn't understand any of it because I had known none of it. But I do now, and they were wrong; they knew nothing. Oral sex was absolutely incredible, it was a privilege that I am grateful to participate in; and with Paul, it was just another thing that I am now addicted to. I don't know what I am going to do now. I think I'm beginning to lose myself but perhaps this is what happens when your self-preservation bows out when you probably need it most after you have lost everything you've ever truly loved. I recklessly allowed myself into this and I don't know if I will ever find my way out of it: the trouble is, I want to be lost…despite the implications, I want to be torn apart because I can actually feel again…and I follow that feeling into the void, with him.

His breaths were heavy as he groaned and dragged his hands down his face.

…best thing I've ever felt…

…never gonna survive her…

…so fucking perfect…

"Bella," he whispers as I place my head on his belly, "hey," and I turn to look up at him as he looks down at me, swiping the hair out of my face to look into my eyes, "how do you feel?"

"Like we aren't going to get anything done," I whisper up to him and he laughs. I never want to leave this bed. I could do this until I die of exhaustion. My thoughts are running through my mind like moths in a lampshade.

He laughs quietly again and says, "I want that too, princess," as his index finger traces my lips, dragging my lower lip down.

Sharp raps on the door and the sound of Charlie's voice breaks the spell, "Bella," and he jiggles the handle and Paul hops out of the bed.

Hide in the closet, I think and he quietly stalks to the closet and shuts the door.

"Hang on Dad, I'm getting dressed," I say, grabbing my sweats from the ground, realizing the soreness has waned quite a bit. Magical fucking blow job, and I hear Paul chuckle from my closet.

Keep it down, Lahote, I think as I pull a sweatshirt over my head, my sweatpants over my hips and unlock the door and open it to see Charlie rubbing his eyes with a mug of coffee in his hands, "what's up?" I ask passively, faking a yawn.

I just woke up Dad, I promise I haven't been giving Paul Lahote a mind numbing blow job just five minutes before you knocked,

…if you want me to be quiet, quit being so funny…

The corners of my mouth tick up as Charlie takes a sip of his coffee, his brow furrows, "something funny?" he asks as he brushes his hand over his mustache and face.

"It's nothing Dad, did you need me for something?"

"You got a phone call on your flip phone downstairs," he says as he surveys me with that familiar incredulity that I know so well, "I think it's your boss…hey are you feeling okay? You look kinda…flushed."

"I'm fine, Dad I promise. Just got overheated under the blankets," I say.

…or you just came from giving me a devastating blow job…

STOP.

This was gonna be a problem.

"Okay kiddo, well, coffee's made. I think Jake is still out though," he says as he pushes his hand through his hair and turns to the staircase.

"Tell Kelly I'll be right there," I say and he waves passively as he walks down the stairs and I shut the door.

He's gone, and he walks out of the closet, still completely naked and I don't think I'll ever get used to how incredible the sight of him is, what it instantaneously does to my body as flames ignite up my spine from between my thighs.

He grabs my face and kisses me, his tongue swiping into my mouth and I sigh as I place my hands around his waist, his cock standing at attention at my stomach. He pulls away from me and his eyes are on mine, "I gotta go check in with Sam. I haven't heard him in some time and I think he might start to get pissy soon."

"Pissy, huh?" I laugh and he plants another gentle kiss on my lips.

"Very pissy," and grabs his athletic shorts and shoves his legs through, pulling them up to his hips, "you work?"

"I do," I say and he lifts my window open.

"I'll see you there," he says as he crouches down slightly and stalls, pausing a minute.

"Everything okay?" as I watch him hesitate, looking back at me for a moment and in a flash, he's pressing me up against the wall again, his hands on either side of my head, his lips a frenzy of soft kisses over mine as his tongue sweeps through my mouth, and I'm dizzy. I feel like I could faint from his frenetic mouth on mine as I grab hold of his shoulders to steady myself. His body presses into me and every part of me lights up, the electricity dances along the surface of my skin.

…don't want to leave…

And my heart aches.

I'll see you in a few hours.

…I might die waiting…

You won't.

But I feel the same way even though I try to offer him support…I too might die waiting.

He bites my lower lip and plunges his tongue back into my mouth one more time and I sigh again.

"Bella!" Charlie yells from downstairs and Paul pulls away, and he crouches into the open window, turning to look back at me before he jumps.

I walk downstairs and notice a cup of coffee is waiting next to my phone, Charlie is outside grabbing the mail and Jake is sitting up stretching his arms overhead on the couch. I grab the flip phone and put it to my ear.

"Kelly?"

"Bella, hey," she says brightly, "sorry to call you so early but I need you to come in for a shift on Saturday. It's for a…a special event."

She sounds different. Like she's in a hurry or stressed out or something.

"Sure Kelly, what time do you need me?"

"Um, okay, great. Be there for opening," she says and it feels weird…

"Is everything okay Kelly?" I try to ask.

"Yup, so great, just have some pressing matters that need…my attention," she says, her voice a little strained.

What's up with her?

"Do I need to do anything special?" I ask.

"For what?" she says, her voice has an edge like she's frustrated I'm asking.

"Um, the special event?" I ask, trying not to sound too disrespectful, but what the hell?

"Oh yeah, um no, just be there. I'll take care of the rest," she says and then there's a pause…

"Okay, well, I'll be there Saturday at 8am," I say and she hangs up, without saying goodbye.

That was beyond weird. As I snapped my flip phone closed, placing it back onto the kitchen table. I wonder if Paul has any idea what could be going on with her.

Over the next few hours, I start to feel more like myself which is weird. I thought healing from losing my virginity would take a few days, but as I went to the restroom at school, everything felt fine…I thought there would be burning or stinging with the very raw and abused flesh but it felt completely normal. I even went so far as to touch myself to see if it was painful…and shockingly, there was nothing, no pain, no spotting, just supple intact flesh…and now I have questions.

Months ago, I would be asking Alice about all this, because I felt the most comfortable with asking her about things that are this personal. She did well with awkward, like she was born to talk through weird vulnerable shit like it was second nature. But right now, I don't have Alice…and I need to be creative…and the pickings aren't exactly plentiful.

While I grab lunch, I take a deep breath as I make my way to where Angela and Jessica are sitting and I sit down with them. They greet me warmly and we get the niceties out of the way so I can dive into the shit that needs to be talked about.

"So, I have a question," I begin and both of their eyes meet me as I nibble on a slice of apple. "You both have had sex right?"

Jessica smiles wide and Angela chokes a bit on her bottled water.

"How's left field treatin' ya, Bella?" Jessica says, laughing.

"Um, great," and now I wonder if I've made a mistake in asking them, "sorry, I know this is kind of personal, forget I asked," I sigh as I shove the rest of the apple slice in my mouth.

"No, no, it's fine Bella," Angela says smiling sweetly, "yes we both have."

Jessica shoots her a, 'thanks for airing out my laundry,' kinda look.

"Okay, so, how long did it take for you to…um… not be sore after the first time?" I say, my volume went significantly lower as I finished my sentence.

Jessica's eyes go wide as she looks over at Angela, but Angela's eyes are still soft and kind. "It took me a few days and lots of lube even after that," she says, nodding her head as she sipped her water again.

Now Jessica decided she felt safe to disclose, "so much lube." I suppose only the weird part of her disclosure needed to be communicated.

"Have you ever heard of anyone, like, being fine to do it again the next day?" I ask with a tiny bit more volume.

Angela shakes her head with wide eyes, "I mean, unless the guy is really tiny…" making a phallic representation of a tiny dick with her fingers.

"Oh my God, Angela!" Jessica screams and starts laughing.

"Well that certainly isn't the problem," I say as I chuckle and then fold my lips into my teeth as my eyes pop up to them realizing I probably said too much.

"Oh really?" Angela says, putting her bottle down and setting her elbow on the table facing me, her head in her palm, "and um, who is this very well endowed mystery man you're seeing then Bella Swan?"

And Jessica looks over to me with arched eyebrows waiting for my answer.

"Oh just some guy, you don't know him," I say, trying to pivot away from this turn of the conversation.

"Does he go here?" Jessica says now leaning her face closer to me.

Fuck, what did I do?

"Um…he doesn't go here," I say, shoving another apple in my mouth. I didn't think this through, how do I get out of it?

"So where does he go? Wait! Is it that super buff guy from the reservation? The Quileute guy that's always hanging out with you? What's his name?" Angela looks at Jessica tapping her chin like Jessica is actually going to be of assistance somehow. "Wasn't his name, Jared or something?"

"No it's not Jacob," and even though I love Jacob, the thought of having sex with him seemed morally wrong.

"But I'm not far off am I," Angela says, and fuck she was going to figure it out, wasn't she? She was the brains out of the two of them and I wouldn't put it past her to line up the pieces with her observant eyes and logical brain. Fuck, abort Bella.

"Wait, not Jacob, but one of his buddies," and her eyes go wide, "oh my God…" and she turns back to me, "the tall one with the incredible body. Well all of them have incredible bodies but he's the taller one…what was his name…you said it, Peter or something?"

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

"P-Paul," I whisper.

Angela slaps her hands together and says, "Paul! I knew it!" she then settles and gets close to me again and I nearly fall off the bench, "he's the one with a huge…" another phallic finger reference…

I bury my face in my hands.