Jake had brought my truck to work and announced that he would be taking over Bella and Charlie guard duty until Paul came back from Kelly's. When I ask why Quil or Embry hasn't had to have a turn, Jacob said he volunteered…and I'm grateful. Plus I think it would be easier to explain to Charlie having Jake in the house versus Quil or Embry.

Jacob sits in the historical non-fiction section and looks over a few books on World War II while Kelly gathers up her things to leave with Paul.

"I know I said I'd stay until closing, but I think I need a break," Kelly says as she swings her bag over her shoulder, "my nephew is coming with me so I'll have some company."

"I'm glad Kelly," I say, even though the selfish part of me is not glad at all, "let me know if you need anything." She smiles and grabs her keys as Paul strides up next to her, catching my eyes as they walk to the door together.

…be careful, princess…

I'll try.

…don't go anywhere without Jake…

Got it.

…don't let him drive either…

Oh my god, I got it.

He holds the door open as Kelly walks through, his eyes lingering on mine as she exits and he hesitates as if there's more to say. His mouth twitches as he steps through the door and follows after Kelly, helping her onto his bike and they ride away; and there's a recognizable ache that spreads across my chest as he leaves. I realize that it was more powerful than when I longed for him on my own because now it's not just mine anymore, but his as well. Which in some sick way makes me feel comfort to know that he's aching and hurting too…that I'm not by myself burning anymore.

That night after I close up and Jake and drive home together, we get home and Billy is with Charlie on the couch having beer and watching Monday night football. They've already ordered pizza and had the good sense to order two large size pizzas since one was barely enough last time between Charlie and Jake's bottomless pit appetite. I quickly grab a slice and head upstairs to put my backpack down and start on homework.

…Princess?...

And I jump as his deep voice slides across my brain, the goosebumps roll down my arms and back.

Lahote.

…she's been here, the red-headed bloodsucker…

The goosebumps take a sharp dive into something icier and sickening. Why would she be at Kelly's?

How can you tell?

…I can smell her…

Now I'm wondering what she smells like.

…you don't want to know, trust me…

But I'm curious.

…she smells like death, Bella, like frozen meat…

My stomach lurches at the thought and I hear him mutter in my mind almost like static on a phone line.

What do we do now?

…I only smelled her on the outside of the house, so maybe she was just near here…

I hope for that, I hope Kelly doesn't end up on her radar in any way. I would never forgive myself if something happened to her because of me.

…I'll have to stay here longer than I was thinking, princess…

How long do you think?

…a few days at least…

"Ugh," I groan loudly and throw my backpack on the ground by my desk, shoving the pizza slice between my teeth as I pull out my history book, notebook, and a pen; and he's laughing. The sensation is kind of remarkable because it is in direct contrast to my frustration because he's amused…and the emotions war against one another in my body as I sit at my desk and chew my pizza.

Glad you find my misery amusing.

…misery?...

Yes, misery, you ass.

…why are you miserable?...

Don't be contrary.

…no I want to know, really…

Because you tricked me with your magical penis and now I can't think of anything else.

More laughter; this time it's so much bigger and the feeling that spreads through my belly and up to my chest is a thick warmth that relaxes my shoulders down a bit.

…as much as I love that you think my dick is magical, I think there's more to it than that…

And he's right, there is way more to it and I'm having a hard time navigating what is addiction and obsession versus something more; and I don't know if I'm ready to actually think about it or even consider it. I didn't even really know Paul…there were little nuanced things that mattered when you start to care about someone, and I didn't have very much of that base knowledge about him.

Can I ask you something?

There's a brief pause and he says, …it might cost you…

Cost me?

…yeah…

Elaborate.

…for every question you ask me, I get to ask you something too…

No.

…yes…

Nevermind.

…Bella…

"Ugh, why are you difficult?" I say, out loud into nothing, and I hear the door open and it's Jake.

"You okay, Bells?" he asks, "who are you talking to?"

"Um," I stammer as I look up at him blankly.

…he knows Bella…

"Paul," I say, and Jake nods.

"What's he being difficult about?" Jake asks as he sits on the edge of the bed.

"Why don't you ask him, you guys do the mind talking thing too," I say as I turn to face him in my chair.

"Uh, well I can't hear him right now, like at all," Jake says and my eyebrows pinch.

"Do you have to like, try or something?" I ask, because I truly had no idea how this actually works.

"Do you?" Jake asks, his eyebrows lifting and smiles.

"Um, no not really," I say, and I think I'm missing something, "so…right now though, you can't hear him?"

…I can't hear him either…

"What…" I whisper, Jake's eyes are following me as I work through what's happening, "you two can normally hear each other though, right?"

…yes…

"Yeah," Jake says at the same time as Paul's voice slips into my mind.

"So it's me?" I say, "I'm stopping the connection?"

There's silence from both of them, their minds buzzing with activity as they process the new information.

…we should test it with some of the other guys…

"Okay then why don't both of you try to reach out and talk to some of the other wolves, see who answers," I say. Jake's eyes flit to the wall as that detached expression appears on his face again as he concentrates.

"All of them answered me, save for Paul," Jake says, meeting my eyes again.

"Paul?" I ask.

…nothing, it's quiet…

"He said it's quiet," I say to Jake and his eyes go wide. What did I do? Did I break Paul's brain somehow?

…gimme a break Bella…

"Well I'm concerned, it seems risky that you can't talk to your pack," I say, my voice going a bit shrill.

Jake rubs his chin and his eyes scan the floor of my room as he thinks. "Bella, what if," he starts, pausing for a moment and then continuing, "what if you're shielding Paul?"

"What?" I say, "what does that mean? Shielding Paul?"

…ooohhhh interesting…

"Yeah, I mean, what if it's part of the bond? That you shield him from other telekinetic connections?" Jake says, and that seemed as crazy as it by some insane stretch of imagination made sense. I couldn't understand how or why, but somehow…

…what did he say?...

He said it could be part of the bond, that I shield your telekinetic connections with others.

…but I heard all of them today before I came to the library to be around-...

"Me. It's just me," I say out loud and Jake's eyes slide up to mine as he puts his hands on his knees, "you all were able to talk to each other telekinetically before Paul came around me."

…but I'm not around you now…

But we're talking, we're connecting.

…so if we are connected here-...

You can't talk to anyone else.

Oh and how the egocentric part of myself is screaming with intemperate delight at this new piece of information, how completely mine he was which made the static on my skin sparkle. I should feel terrible, I should feel like I'm hindering a crucial piece of pack connection…but…

"Wow Bella," Jake says laughing, "didn't realize you had, like, powers."

"I do not have powers, " I say laughing back.

…yes you do…

I do not, I'm painfully ordinary.

…ever stop to think you might be more than that?...

Nope, not once.

…oh princess, who lied to you?...

Probably me…and the vampire that made me feel special and then left me to realize I wasn't at all. That he left when I proved how vulnerable, weak and unremarkable I actually am.

I…I don't know…

And I feel his frustration, his anger that begins to build like a rubber band being stretched too tight that the fibers begin to fray. Paul knows exactly who lied to me because now, he's dialed into my mind and I feel bad for him; I feel bad that he has to dip into these painful memories with me and he has no choice in doing so.

"Well, it seems to me you kinda do and the imprint is exploiting them through your bond with Paul," Jake says and I'm impressed with his remarkable cleverness.

…I hate having to ask what he said…

I'm sorry, I can't help it.

I lay in bed in my dark room and my eyes closed, but my mind is restless. I'm worried about Paul not being able to connect with his pack when he's around me, I'm worried about Kelly, I'm worried about Charlie's safety with Victoria in the area and finally, I'm worried about when she is going to kill me. Because she is going to try and I'm sure at some point, she will find a way…and I'm scared. I don't know if I'm ready to die yet, even if I felt like I didn't care a month ago. I realize that I'm starting to care again because of what it would do to Charlie, to Jake, to Renee, and…now to Paul. Would me dying hurt him in some way with the bond? Would he survive?

…I smell smoke…

What?

…you ever gonna shut off your brain and go to sleep or are you just gonna stay up and worry all night?...

Most likely the latter.

…well could you do it a little quieter, please?...

I don't…know how to do that.

…well you could start by thinking about shit that isn't scaring you…

Easier said than done, Lahote.

He sighs which is a strange sensation when heard through the connection of the mind.

…would answering some questions help?...

Maybe.

…fire away, princess…

Now I had to organize my thoughts because I had a lot. Start small then go from there.

What's your favorite color?

…really?...

Answer.

…green…

Favorite music?

…death metal…

Really?

…no not really…I like all types depending on my mood, but I like alternative and classic rock, some R&B, and some hip-hop…

Favorite food?

…Mexican…

You mentioned your parents fought a lot a while ago. What happened?

…a lot, but my Mom left to be with someone else and my Dad and I moved back to La Push. I think he wanted to have the tribe close to have support, but he was never really the same after Mom left…

And that sound all to familiar to me; I didn't realize the situations with our parents was so similar.

You said your dad wasn't the nicest guy in the world, can I ask what happened?

…he yelled a lot, made me think he was going to hurt me a few times but he never did. Just scared the shit out of me, enough to make me have panic attacks as a kid…

That's how you knew what was happening with me at the party.

…yeah…

When did you know?

…about what?...

About me…about the bond, the imprint…

…when I saw you at Thanksgiving…

Is that why you went to the side of the house?

…yes…

What happened?

…I was overwhelmed, I…I didn't know how to function…

Why? I looked horrible and I was a mess.

…doesn't matter, you're still you, and I saw you…

You saw me?

…yes, that's all a wolf needs to establish an imprint, seeing…

What did you…see?

…Bella, please…

It's just a question.

He sighs again… I don't know, I saw you and I saw that you looked like hell. I saw that you were hurting, and I…I thought it was beautiful, I thought, I mean I think you are…are beautiful…and I felt like I was coming apart from all of a sudden feeling like I needed you, wanted you…I needed the space to just breathe…

I have no words. All I can do is breathe while the words sink in…bury deep past the marrow of my bones, into my blood and cell walls; it anchors into something more permanent and everlasting.

…Bella…can you…say something please?...

I can't tell you how much I needed to hear you say that.

…um, you're welcome? I guess?...

No, really, that may be the best thing anyone has ever said to me.

…I'll say more next time then…

There's another pause and I feel my brain beginning to unwind from the spinning thoughts that were taking up so much space earlier.

…quip pro quo, princess…

Dammit.

…favorite food?...

Italian.

…music?...

Classic rock, classical, and some R&B when I'm in the mood.

…where's your Mom?...

Living in Florida with her boyfriend Phil.

…why did you move to Forks?...

My Mom needed to have a life.

…favorite season?...

Summer, I love the sun and heat, what's yours?

…fall, why the hell did you move to Northern Washington if you prefer sun and heat?...

Already answered that one.

…do you like living with Charlie?...

I…yes. I guess I didn't realize how alike we are until I started living with him.

…why did you choose me?...

That throws me a bit but I find my mouth is uttering words before my brain has time to process, Because you make me feel alive.

I close my eyes and I can see him, laying on a twin size bed, his right arm tucked under his head as he stares up at the ceiling, his face painted with the shadows of the trees outside the window of the room he's in and if I look hard enough, I can make out the specks of green in his eyes that I love.

That I love.

I never thought I would experience that sensation for another person as long as I lived. But here I am, loving a part of him that is far away from me right now…and I wonder what else I love about him?

…you didn't feel alive before?…

Not really, no.

…you kinda looked like the walking dead…

Thanks.

Paul?

…yeah?...

What are you doing Friday night?