Memories of Other Things - 8 - Ho-Ho
by Polydicta
The Judoon have turned up in Britain. The Doctor investigates.
Disclaimer:
All fiction is derivative and fan fiction doubly so. I make no claim to own any part of any of the following, all I have done is an attempt to put together the elements in a novel fashion, using words and ideas like Lego ™ bricks.
Smoking and Vaping Judoon recreational substances is likely to be the last thing you do.
There is no money involved – all I do is to share what I do for my own amusement.
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Memories of Other Things - 8 - Ho-Ho
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Whatever else he was expecting, a Judoon shuttle craft parked in the car park of a farm shop near Okehampton wasn't it. There it was, all 1500 tons of it, grey, steaming slightly and, well, solidly there. The Judoon, the strong-arm branch of the galactic police simply had no jurisdiction on Earth, so what were they doing?
There was a Judoon guard outside the farm shop with his helmet off. For all the world it looked like he was inhaling smoke from a small cannister. The Doctor caught a whiff of chocolate and vanilla.
Yes, the guard was off duty and taking a smoke break.
"Ko ro bo jo jo ho l bo mo?"
The judoon just waved his meaty hand.
"Go toh bo-go so."
The Doctor blinked. Shopping?
"Whatever for?" He knew the Judoon carried enough supplies to feed an army at the best of times.
"Ton-Oh, Ho-Ho."
The Doctor was now totally mystified. Just for what? Whatever it was didn't translate.
He wandered into the shop. Two Judoon were browsing the shelves, while a Judoon officer was trying to communicate with the woman behind the counter.
The officer pivoted and his eyes lit up.
"Doh-Toh? Ko fo!"
Excellent? When has a Judoon ever been pleased to see me?
The officer typed on his translator.
"I am trying to buy chocolate Ho-Hos, but this person doesn't understand."
The Doctor looked at the woman. "He's asking for chocolate swiss rolls. He only has the American trade name to go by."
When the doctor finally escaped, the Judoon Captain had just bought four dozen snack-sized chocolate swiss rolls, and had put in an order for three hundred per month, claiming that nowhere in the galaxy produced them as on Earth. He was snacking on a large bar of choc-chip, flapjack.
The Doctor was quite looking forward to the coffee sponge he had bought.