Episode #28:

"Mushroom Temple Tango"

FEATURING THE VOICES OF:

VERONICA TAYLOR as Ranma/Ranko
CRISPIN FREEMAN as Kenma
RACHEL LILLIS as Akane and Old Woman
LISA ORTIZ as Nabiki
MEGAN HOLLINGSHEAD as Kasumi
MIKE POLLOCK as Genma
DARREN DUNSTAN as Soun and Old Monk
TED LEWIS as Akimitsu, and Old Man
ERIC STUART as Kuno
MADDIE BLAUSTEIN as Mousse
CARTER CATHCART as Ryoga and Happosai
STUART ZAGNIT as Mushroom Picker

Opening and Closing Narrations provided by Ken Gates

For posterity's sake, this happened before Mousse decided to call it quits on getting Shampoo all to himself. Let's just say "it took a while for his declaration to settle in after he made it." Sheesh!

…or maybe, this episode is just a dream.

"It's an offer you won't wanna miss: eat as many wild mushrooms as you want, receive spiritual training—and the whole thing is free!" Genma crowed as he read from the brochure he'd received in the mail the other day.

It's a splendid, sunny day, and Ranma and company are going to spend it out in the countryside!

The entire group was on a bus, heading out to the countryside for a day in the wilderness.

"Sounds like a scam to trick rubes into eating mushrooms that could be poisonous," commented Aki as he cracked his knuckles.

Of course, with Ranma's usual luck, a splendid day never stays splendid for very long—at least, not for him…

Tonight's Episode:
MUSHROOM TEMPLE TANGO!

Once the group had disembarked from the bus, they were hoofing it on foot towards the temple. …well, the others were hoofing it. Kenma was drifting along on the Nimbus.

Akane took a deep breath, and sighed contentedly. "Nothing beats that good, clean country air," she smiled.

"Yup," nodded Aki. "Really helps you get in touch with nature and your surroundings, y'know?"

"Well said, Akimitsu. It really is quite pleasant to get away from it all, every once in a while." Soun agreed with the sportsman, possibly for the first time.

"Ah, Akane Tendo; I know this is merely a ploy to spend time with me, is it not?" declared Kuno as he poked his head in between the couple. "And in the mountains, too...ah, you little vixen~"

Akane rolled her eyes. "Ugh! Whose idea was it to invite Kuno again?" the tomboy asked, exasperated.

"Don't look at me," replied Kenma. "I didn't want him anywhere NEAR us!"

"Same here," Ranma agreed.

"You can be MY zen practice partner, Akane!" gushed Ryoga as he popped his head up. "For a long, long, LONG, long time!"

Akane gave a sheepish smile. "...that's nice, Ryoga," she responded. "It's good to have you on this trip as a friend."

Hearing that made the bandana-clad boy's head sag in dismay, while Akimitsu allowed himself a discreet chuckle at Ryoga's expense.

"~Goin' on a mushroom hunt, hope that we'll have fun~" sang Kasumi to herself as she happily trotted down the path. "~Goin' on a mushroom hunt, good for ev'ry-one!~"

The others joined in as they continued on their way down the trail.

Soon, the group arrived outside the Mushroom Temple's entrance.

"Whoa…!" remarked Nabiki. "This place isn't a total dump after all, eh?"

"This vacation plan of Mr. Saotome's might turn out to be a good idea after all!" commented Akane.

Kenma scoffed loudly. "First time for everything," he observed.

"And in other news, the cows might finally come home." Ranma snarked.

Kenma snickered and slapped fives with his brother.

"These are quite the impressive mushrooms," observed Mousse as he squatted down in front of a few mushrooms that grew nearby.

"I wonder if they're edible," commented Kasumi.

"Some of them are," said an elderly voice from nearby, getting everyone's attention. "But some are extremely poisonous as well."

Everyone lifted their heads and looked over to see an old man with a beard that grew down to his wrists standing nearby; he wore a blue and yellow robe.

"Welcome to the temple," he said. "Tomorrow, an expert mushroom picker shall bless us with his presence!"

"Abbot, thank you for allowing us to stay," said Soun.

"Of course," said Abbot. "While you are here, please eat only the mushrooms that the expert has picked."

Apparently, Genma didn't get the memo, and was about to help himself to one of the mushrooms he'd found on the ground, right before…

KLONG!

…the panda found himself face first on the pavement. How dare you strike your father!, read his sign.

"Didn't ya hear what the priest just said, jackass?!" Ranma screamed.

"Yeah!" Kenma agreed. "Unless you wanted an early death from mushroom poisoning!"

Genma spun his sign around and held up the mushroom. Then you eat it, then!

"Do I look as stupid as you act?" Kenma retorted dryly.

SHORTLY…

Everyone was seated inside the temple, arranged in a row next to one another. Abbot was carrying a wooden bokken as he moved between each of the guests.

"Nothing but mushrooms, and just three—depending on what state Ranma is in, four—women around," groused Happosai. "...well, at least it's all free."

THWACK!

The old lech cried out in pain as he got a smack on the head. "What's the big idea, huh?" he snapped, rubbing his head.

Soun sighed. "I suppose the master has lost his connection with his spiritual side," he remarked. "It's always a shame when this sort of thing happens."

THWACK!

Then he received a firm whack in the shoulder. "Oww…!" he groaned.

Hmph! Seems like Mr. Tendo's a little detached from his spiritual side too, Ranma thought before he received a whack of his own.

THWACK!

"Ah! Dammit!" seethed Ranma as he rubbed his sore shoulder.

There's just no hope for Ranma, is there? Akane snidely questioned.

That's what Ranma gets for not concentrating, Ryoga sneered, ever-so-smugly.

So close, and yet so far, thought Akimitsu.

This is the extent of his talent, then? Disappointing, really, thought Kuno.

Genma held up another sign. You've got a long way to go, boy.

So you got taken by surprise—big deal! thought Kenma. Could've happened to anybody!

Of course, each of them received a firm whacking, including Genma.

But what about being KIND to animals?! Genma's sign had read, followed by him getting another whacking.

Eventually, the evening gave way to night, and everyone went about their own activities.

Ranma was out in the courtyard, sparring with Kenma, who also found himself with not much to do. He'd been drawing for a bit, but he couldn't find much around the place he wanted to draw.

As Ranma launched a roundhouse kick, Kenma ducked out of the way; when Ranma started throwing multiple punches, Kenma did as best as he could to keep up and block each blow.

"Ranma? Kenma?" came Akane's voice as she entered the courtyard. "What are you two doing out here?"

"Killing time, mostly," responded Kenma. "Too bored to sleep, not to mention it's what—8? It's too early, also!"

"And you?" asked Ranma.

"Well, the stars are just so beautiful I didn't wanna miss them," said Akane.

"Huh. I guess they are pretty nice." Ranma admitted as he looked up at the sky.

"Yup," Kenma agreed as he tilted his head skyward.

Suddenly, out of the bushes emerged Kuno. "Ah! So here you are, my beloved Akane~!" he crowed.

"What are you doing?" inquired Akane.

"And how long were you hiding in the bushes?" Kenma asked curiously.

"I see you had your heart set on watching the constellations with me?" Kuno laughed as he approached. "You are a saucy little minx, aren't you?"

"And what gave you that idea?" Akane asked, very annoyed.

Kuno gave Ranma and Kenma the side-eye. "It would seem that a pair of serpents have crossed your path," he remarked. "Come, let us go elsewhere. We shall view the stars together, and craft memories that poets could only dream of!"

His advances were halted when Akane grabbed him by his left arm and bent it behind his back. "I thought I told you to knock it off!" she snapped, threatening to break it.

"Ow! Great heavens!" the upperclassman exclaimed.

"Try anything else, and you'll be a one-armed swordsman," the tomboy girl remarked.

"You, there!" called Mousse's voice from the rooftop. "How dare you attempt to interrupt a lovers' rendezvous!"

"We're not lovers, you dodo!" Ranma snapped back, as the nearsighted Chinese boy leapt down from his perch atop the roof.

"Yeah! So quit jumping to stupid conclusions!" added Akane.

"It would appear you have stumbled upon my secret relationship with Akane Tendo!" Kuno smiled, but that smile soon melted off when he felt Akane bending his arm back.

"I warned you this would happen!" she snapped.

The swordsman then let out a shriek of pure pain.

"Quick, you two!" Mousse called as he readied a grappling hook. "I'll handle him, while you two go off and elope! And while Kenma goes with you, I'll keep Shampoo company!"

"He must be kidding," scoffed Kenma dryly.

As Mousse threw his grappler, it was suddenly intercepted by a piece of wood that was thrown into its path and blocked it from its goal.

"The only one who's getting with Akane is me!" Ryoga declared.

And so, they all confronted each other in a standoff.

"How the hell am I the one always in the middle of this crap?!" Akane growled in anger at the growing headache brought on by three morons.

"This is getting complicated…" groaned Ranma.

"No, this is getting stupid," replied Kenma.

And so, the next day, Ranma and the others were doing chores around the temple.

"So how come we have to do this?" asked Ranma. "And why did I get stuck with the hardest job?"

"Well, mushrooms taste exceptional when you're hungry," explained Abbot. "And nothing stirs up an appetite like hard work."

"Speaking of mushrooms, where's the mushroom man?" Kenma chimed in.

Suddenly, everyone heard a new voice. "The soul of the mushroom is the soul of the Earth," it said. "The mushroom lives to a hundred, the udo to 99. Pick it and leave a hole in the Earth…"

Glancing over, everyone saw a man with brown hair shaped like a mushroom cap squatting nearby, plucking mushrooms and throwing them into a big basket on his back as he sang to himself.

"Pick, pick, pick mushrooms…which will be the poison one?" he continued.

In no time at all, after the cleaning was done, the mushrooms were being cooked in a stew while everyone sat in a circle, waiting for the fungi to be finished cooking.

"Hmmm, looks like they're just about done." the picker said as he dished out the mushrooms in wooden bowls.

"Finally! I'm starvin'!" Ranma said as he took his bowl. "But are you sure these mushrooms aren't poisonous?"

"Nothing to worry about…see?" the picker replied as he took a bite.

"I guess you're right," shrugged Kenma as he plucked a mushroom from Ranma's bowl. "Over the teeth, past the gums, look out, stomach—here it comes." And he popped it into his mouth.

And everyone else followed suit, tucking into their mushroom bowls. "Thanks for the food!" they all said as they started eating…apart from Aki, that is, because he had a mushroom allergy.

Suddenly, the mushroom picker's face paled, and he fell over, much to everyone's shock.

"Is he ok?" Akane asked, before noticing Genma fall over.

"No, and I doubt he's okay, either!" Kenma replied, as Kuno, Mousse and Ryoga fell over. "Or them!"

"He must've eaten a poisonous mushroom," commented Abbot. "Even experts can make mistakes sometimes!"

Within minutes, everyone except for Ranma, Kenma, Aki, and Akane had fallen unconscious.

"Luckily, in anticipation of such an occurrence, I didn't eat any of the mushrooms myself," Abbot commented before he felt Kasumi's forehead. "...this isn't good, she has a fever."

"So why can't you call a doctor?" asked Akane.

"No good; they won't come out this far," said Abbot. "On the hill in the back is a shrine that honors a gigantic mushroom. They say eating a piece of it can cure any poison."

"A cure-all, then?" asked Kenma. "Sounds like an adventure!"

"Well, there's no time to lose! Come on, Kenma!" Ranma urged.

"I'm with ya, bro! Let's go-go-go!" Kenma responded as he sprang to his feet.

"You've got to make it before sundown!" advised Abbot. "Otherwise…it'll be far too late!"

"Then we better hurry!" the older Saotome brother said as he took Kenma by the hand and rushed out of the door.

"Hey, wait up!" Aki called as he sprang to his feet and ran behind them. "Don't forget me…!"

"Ranma, are you holding my hand?" Kenma asked a few minutes later.

"Huh?" Ranma looked where his right hand was. "Oh, I guess I am."

"It wasn't so much a complaint as it was an observation, really," stated Kenma.

"I dunno, it just feels normal." his brother shrugged.

"Well…I don't really mind, you know?" said Kenma. "Feels nice."

"Alrighty then." said Ranma as he took Ken's hand into his own.

Akimitsu was somewhat confused by that interaction. "Huh. That was a little unusual," he couldn't help but observe.

"Now, when he said to bring back mushroom antidote for the others, are you certain we have to cure Ryoga and Happosai and Genma and Kuno?" asked Kenma with a smirk.

"Kenma…" Ranma said in a chastising tone.

"Oh, alright," Kenma replied. "I wasn't gonna leave them…for long, at least."

SOME TIME LATER…

The mushroom picker soon regained consciousness.

"Are you alright, sir?" asked Abbot.

"Ah, I'm a mushroom man!" laughed the picker. "Livin' on the wild side is just how I roll! Now, these others will need some antidote. Luckily, I have plenty on hand."

And so he distributed it evenly amongst the others.

"Oh my! What in the world happened?" Kasumi asked as she rubbed her eyes.

And so, the mushroom man explained what had happened in the last half hour.

"What?! So, both of my romantic rivals have gone in search of an antidote to cure the others?" Kuno commented. "That's almost…commendable, really."

"Oh, good lord!" exclaimed the picker. "Your friends ate those mushrooms!"

"Surely you must be mistaken," insisted Abbot. "The two of them seemed healthy enough!"

"No, I definitely saw them eat," replied the picker. "You see, the variety they ate was 'Love Mushrooms'!"

"Love Mushrooms?" exclaimed the others.

"Yes, 'Love Mushrooms'. If a couple eats them, they'll fall madly in love with each other," explained the picker. "Even if that couple should normally despise each other."

"And I think I saw Ranma and Kenma both eat one." Nabiki stated. Upon hearing that, Soun and Genma visibly paled in sheer horror.

"Of course! That monkey-faced scoundrel intends to seduce my pigtailed goddess!" Kuno scowled. "I shall not have it!"

And that means I can have Akane all to myself! Ryoga thought before another idea dawned on him. …then again, I could follow Akimitsu while he's with Ranma and Kenma. And as soon as he turns his back—WHAMMO! He's out of the way, out of my life for good!. Ryoga, old boy, this is your best plan yet!

He then began to laugh maniacally out loud.

"What's so funny, Ryoga?" Akane asked.

The lost boy immediately cleared his throat. "Oh, nothing. Just a joke I remembered."

And 'Ranma' is the punchline… he mentally snickered.

Meanwhile, on the trail…

Ranma and Kenma were still continuing on their way to find the antidote mushroom.

"Ya know, Ken. I never realized how handsome you are." Ranma observed.

"You're not serious, right?" asked Kenma. "I'm a gremlin compared to you! But you? You got that whole chiseled outta marble thing goin' on!"

"What? Says who?" his brother replied in disbelief. "You're seriously underselling yourself! You are such a stud!"

Kenma looked up at him, surprised. "...you really think so?" he asked. "To tell ya the truth…I always sorta saw myself as inferior."

"Nonsense, I say!" Ranma said in a flowery, faux-Shakespearean tone. "You're not inferior to me. Far from it!"

By now, Kenma's eyes were wet and he wiped them. "...wow," he replied. "I had a feeling, but I never realized how much I meant to you."

"Kenma, honey, you'll never know how much you truly mean to me!" Ranma said as he looked into his brother's navy blue eyes.

Kenma smiled. "Once this is done…I want to be even closer than we already are," he replied. "You mean the world to me!"

Akimitsu, meanwhile, was completely lost for words at this little display of affection. "Uhhh…fellas?" he managed to say. "I hate to ruin the moment, but we've gotta cover some more ground. Remember, sunset deadline? With emphasis on dead?"

"He's right, sweetie; we can't afford to waste any more time!" Kenma exclaimed.

"Yeah! Let's go, Babe." Ranma said before turning into his female form and and leading on—while walking with a very noticeable hip sway.

Kenma caught on, and immediately trotted behind, practically hypnotized, with Aki bringing up the rear.

Okay, what is going ON with these two? he thought. Maybe it's something with the air up here…

On the way, the trio happened upon a house with an elderly couple.

"So, you came up here from the temple?" asked the old man.

"That's right, sir," nodded Kenma. "You see, our friends and some other people got poisoned and we need the antidote to cure them."

"And if we don't get back home with it by sunset, they're all goners!" Akimitsu chimed in.

"Ah! That's a cryin' shame!" the old man responded. "To get to the temple, just go to the big pine tree and turn right, then keep going straight.

"Right at the pine tree, gotcha!" Ranko clarified.

"Thanks, sir!" Kenma added as he and Ranko clasped hands and went on their way, skipping merrily along, with Aki following behind.

"Just look at them…so happy together," the old man observed.

"Indeed," replied his wife. "How about some peppermint tea, sweetie?"

"Sounds good, honey," smiled her husband.

Eventually, the three managed to reach the temple on the mountain, and they started cutting pieces of the antidote mushroom.

"Ranko, dumpling? I wanted to ask you something," said Kenma.

"Yes, Dearie?" She answered.

"After everyone's cured…will you make me the happiest man in Nerima?" Kenma asked, getting down on one knee.

Ranko's eyes grew wet with tears of joy. "Oh, Kenma…of course I will!" she gushed, absolutely giddy.

"This…this is great!" Kenma said out loud as he tossed Ranko up into the air and caught her in his arms.

They began to laugh gleefully, while Akimitsu was once again at a loss for words.

"Ooookay…maybe you guys should eat some of the mushroom?" he suggested after a few seconds.

"How come?" asked Kenma.

"Well, you and Ranma had a mushroom earlier, right?" asked Aki. "Maybe those ones had a slower-acting poison. Better safe than sorry, after all!"

"Ya know somethin'? Aki has a point!" Ranko admitted.

"Good lookin' out, buddy!" Kenma nodded as he pulled a chunk off the mushroom. "I'll give Ranko this one, and she can give me one!"

Ranko took the head. "Down the hatch!" She said as she locked her arm with Ken's and eased the shroom into his mouth.

"Bottoms up!" Kenma said as he popped the piece in her mouth. They both slowly chewed until their eyes lit up.

"Hey! What happened?" the ponytailed girl asked as she shook her head.

"I guess we just made our way up here?" replied Kenma. "Oh, right! To get the antidote mushroom to everyone!"

Aki let off a sigh of relief. "And not a minute too soon," he added. "It's gonna be sunset soon, so we'd better hurry."

"Right! Let's go-go-go!" Kenma said as he sped off, with his sister and the sportsman following behind.

Meanwhile, Ryoga was trying to find where the trio went—because, of course, his bad sense of direction wasn't doing him any favors.

"Dammit! If only I could find some kind of footprints!" he said to himself before seeing Ranko and co. zoom past him, kicking up dust behind them. "AH-HA!" he exclaimed as he whirled around.

There they are! Now's my chance to stop them! Ryoga thought with wicked glee as he started pursuing.

"At the rate we're going, we can make it by 6pm!" Ranko informed as she ran.

"Don't bet on it, Ranma!" shouted Ryoga as he raised his finger. "BAKUSAI TENKETSU!"

Jamming it into the ground beneath them, Ryoga caused the floor to explode into pieces, sending chunks of rock flying all around.

"For god's sake, Ryoga! Can't this wait?!" Akimitsu said as he jumped out of the way while swatting the rock fragments with his bat. "In case you forgot, we don't have a lotta time on our hands!"

"And Akane's family is at stake, stupid!" Kenma added.

"They won't need to worry. This'll only take a minute!" the lost boy stated as he ran towards Akimitsu and threw a punch which he blocked with his goalie glove.

"Dude, you have flipped!" Aki exclaimed.

"I have not!" Ryoga shouted.

"Like a damn pancake, you have!" Aki retorted.

Ryoga went for another punch which the sportsman ducked under, before he dealt one right to Ryoga's breadbasket, knocking the wind out of his sails.

"What the hell is WRONG with these people?!" Aki shouted, since this insanity was considered 'normal' in Nerima.

"Who knows, really?" Kenma shrugged. "Maybe we oughta go on ahead while you keep him busy."

"Yeah! Go on ahead, guys!" the sportsman said as he contended with Ryoga.

"Alright then…" said Ranko as she picked Kenma up, bridal-style. "C'mon, Ken! Now or never!"

"Aye-aye!" Kenma replied as Ranko sped up and took off down the steps, and back into the woods.

As soon as they had gotten back to the temple, none other than Kuno was waiting for them.

"Kenma Saotome, you fiend! Unhand my ponytailed goddess right this–" He was then silenced by Ranko shoving one of the antidote mushrooms in his mouth.

"Clam up and eat up!" Kenma shouted as he tipped Kuno's head upward to make him swallow.

"That's one down! Now let's get to the others!" his sister said as she ran inside and doled out the antidote to the others.

"Ranma, wait! We're fine already!" insisted Kasumi. "We already got our antidote dosages earlier!"

"...are you saying you had an antidote on you the whole time?" asked Kenma. "And we went to the trouble of testing it ourselves, too!"

At that, Soun and Genma's heads popped up.

"Did you hear that, Saotome?" asked Soun.

"With BOTH ears, Tendo!" Genma grinned.

"Hope is still in sight!" they chorused, laughing gleefully as they danced around the room.

Kenma rolled his eyes. "...sheesh…" he remarked. "Oh, right! What about Aki?"

"Ah-choo! Right here, Kenma!" the boy in question said while sniffling as he entered the temple, carrying Ryoga behind him by the back of his shirt. His bandana was now tied around his wrists like a makeshift pair of handcuffs.

"He sure was a tough one, but he wasn't unbeatable," grunted Aki, nursing a few dozen bruises of his own.

"Dammit! How the heck did you beat me?! You're not even on my level!" fumed Ryoga. the lost boy asked angrily.

Aki shrugged. "Not in strength, sure…but I'm crafty when I need to be," he responded. "Plus, you're not too good at controlling your temper. That really helped me tip the scales."

"Look on the bright side, Ryoga. Maybe you could learn a thing or two from that butt-whoopin'!" Ranko taunted.

He merely responded with angry muttering. "*grumble, grumble, mutter, mutter…*"

"Well…if there's nothing else…" said Kenma as he cracked his knuckles. "I'm gonna take a nice, long nap."

"Ya know, Ken. That sounds like a great idea! As a matter of fact, I think I'll go with you, Honey!" Ranko said, deliberately taunting Soun and Genma.

"GAAAAH!" the two fathers screamed in horror and disgust.

In case you weren't already aware, Ranko and Ranma aren't exactly the same in mind AND body. Ranko is a separate consciousness who happens to be inhabiting Ranma's body, which entered when he was 'cursed'. She mostly resides in Ranma's subconscious, and travels between the brothers' dreams using their psychic link…but she loves entering Kenma's dreams.

I didn't forget about your promise, Kenma, she smiled to herself. Once I get a physical body of my own…things'll be better.

And on Ranko's smile, we fade out.

[Featured music: DBZ OST M719]

IN OUR NEXT EPISODE...

Hey, it's Ranma here. For reasons I don't quite understand, we're all stuck in a Dream World...but Happosai's put himself in charge, so it's more like a NIGHTMARE REALM.
How are we gonna escape? You gotta read it to believe it.

Tune in next time for THE SANDMAN SKIRMISH. We'll see ya there.

And maybe this year, we'll do a Christmas special. We're workin' on it, y'know? Planning stuff!