It was a lovely evening in the Mushroom Kingdom. The Mario brothers were just getting home from eating at taco bell. Mario was very hungry that day, so he ate many tacos and burritos that day. They did not taste very good because it was taco bell, and taco bell sucks ass through a straw, backwards. But hey, food is food.
Suddenly Mario began feeling intense pressure in his gut, and it dawned on him why nobody eats at taco bell anymore.
"MAMA-MIA!" screamed Mario. This scared Luigi and almost made him shit his pants violently, as it was a sudden outburst. Luckily, Luigi was a master of not shitting his pants so he avoided it. "My tummy is a rumbling, Luigi! I'ma about to a shit myself!"
"I didn't need to know that, Mario, but okay..."
Mario ran for the front door of his home and began pulling on the knob, but it would not budge because it was locked. "LUIGI UNLOCK THE DOOR, HURRY!" Mario yelled in a panic, "I HAVE TO SHIT, LUIGI!"
"Okay, okay, I'm workin' on it, bro. Calm down." He pulled the house key out of his pocket and walked over to the door. He fumbled with the lock and failed to open the door. On his second attempt, he dropped the key in the flowerbed nearby. "Oh drat," said Luigi. He bent over and began searching for the key in the dirt, "I dropped the key, give me a second..."
"LUIGI HURRY THE FUCK UP, DO YOU NOT A UNDERSTAND? I AM GOING TO A SHIT MYSELF!" Mario became rabid and started bashing the door with his gloved fists. But the door refused, for it was made of proud and mighty oak. It did not bow its head to petty violence.
Finally, Luigi found the key. "Oh here it is, I found it." He held it up like a trophy.
"I DON'T A HAVE TIME FOR THIS LUIGI, IT'S STARTING TO PEEK OUT BETWEEN MY BUTT CHEEKS!" Mario immediately snatched it from out of his grasp and slammed it into the door's lock. He twisted it and kicked the door open before dashing inside.
The door slammed against the inside wall and left a giant dent in the drywall because the Mario brothers were too cheap and lazy to run down to Home Depot and install a door stop. "Mario, come on! Now there's another hole in the wall!"
"FUCK THE WALL, LUIGI! MY UNDERPANTS ARE ABOUT TO A TURN INTO AN EZ-BAKE OVEN BROWNIE DISASTER!" Mario sprint-waddled to the bathroom, squinching his ass cheeks shut in a desperate attempt to hold back the inevitable chocolate flood. He reached the door. Salvation was close. He grabbed the door knob and pushed as hard as he could, but it would not open. "FUCKKKKK! WHY IS THE BATHROOM DOOR STUCK NOW OF ALL TIMES?!" He could feel it. Any second now and his ass would erupt into a brown volcano of chaos.
"But fixing it will be so expensive...should have just went to Home Depot and installed a door stop." Luigi watched his brother struggle against the bathroom door pitifully. Mario was almost in tears, he was so desperate. "Uh, Mario...the uh, the bathroom door. You're supposed to pull it, Mario..."
"WHAT?!" Mario tried pulling the door. It swung open effortlessly. Inside was the porcelain savior, ready to receive his flabby plumber ass with gusto. It glowed with holy radiance, beckoning Mario inside. "...I a knew that..." Mario said, embarrassed.
He rushed inside and flung himself down on the royal throne with a thud. No more time to waste.
"YESSSSSSSSS!" Mario yelled triumphantly. "I MADE IT! I'M GOING TO SHIT! I'M SHITTING, LUIGI! HERE IT COMES!" He had made it. He really made it! Mario was not going to shit himself today!
"Close the door, bro, nobody wants to watch you take a dump..."
"IT'S TOO LATE, LUIGI! IT'S COMING!" Mario braced himself. Then it began. "UUUUUUUUURRRRUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH" Mario released a primal groan as he shit uncontrollably on the toilet for what seemed like minutes. His ass blasted so loudly it shook the windows in the other room. "UUUUUAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SHIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTT HAAAAAAAAAAA!"
Luigi stared, wide-eyed in mortal shock, frozen in place. Pale as snow, as if he had just seen a murder take place. In a way, he had. He was mentally scarred after being forced to witness the shit of the century, live, in his own bathroom.
Finally, Mario's bowels calmed, and he regained his sanity. Mission accomplished.
"...?"
Only then did he realize.
It came crashing down on him like a waterfall of despair.
He felt it with every fiber of his being.
His tragic, fatal mistake.
He tried so hard.
And got so far.
But in the end,
it didn't even matter.
He had forgotten to take off his overalls.
Despite everything,
Mario shit his pants.