FromTumblr: It may possibly be the case.
SunDanceQT: Thank you.
96itadakimasu96: Yes, slowly but surely.
RJRMovieFan: Well, I mean, Beca is still going to be a major part of the story, so...
Guest: Eventually there will be some Mitchsen hurt/comfort.
Pixie1913: Since this is in Aubrey's POV, you may never completely know all of Beca's thoughts. I, however, do.
Mwallace: Thank you.
Guest: I think, on the contrary, it's some of those similarities that drive them apart.
G: Sorry. I have been ridiculously busy this week.
Dysrhythmia
I can't put to bed these phobias and fears.
I'm new to this grief I can't explain;
But I'm no stranger to the heartache and the pain.
- Owl City
It's Julia who suggests they leave the room and give Beca some space until Conrad shows up, and, while just the thought causes another spike in Aubrey's anxiety, she agrees. Because it means being able to see Chloe. They tell Conrad the room number and to knock when he arrives, leave Julia's phone on the table for Beca, and walk through the heightened police presence toward the elevator. Drywood and Miller are standing at the nurses' station, cups of coffee in hand, no doubt waiting for Aubrey's boss to show up.
"Wait for me by the elevator," Julia tells her.
Aubrey stops and stands exactly where she is instead, watching Julia walked over to the nurses' station and talk to one of the nurses.
Drywood and Miller stare at her.
Aubrey doesn't want to speak with them. She doesn't even want to be in the same room with them. The only thing she wants is to go home.
"Alright, come on," Julia says, joining her in walking to the elevator again, "I asked them to bring your breakfast to Chloe's room. Dad is going to go to the cafeteria and bring us some food too. You need to eat, Aubrey."
How is Aubrey supposed to eat in the same room that Chloe is lying in unconscious? Aubrey presses the button. She'll be able to eat once she's home.
"Would you prefer we ask your friend to bring you some food?" Julia asks, and steps onto the elevator with her.
Aubrey shakes her head.
Julia presses the button for Chloe's floor, then sighs and slouches against the wall. "None of us are hungry," she says, "Eating is just something we have to force ourselves to do right now."
But none of them are in a constant state of feeling like they're about to throw their guts up either. That's what they don't understand. Aubrey looks down at her hand, and strokes Chloe's ring with her thumb. Her cast isn't really in the way if she wants to put it back on that hand. She tries to bend her fingers on her left hand to twist it off, her stomach dropping further when they don't quite do what she needs them to. They still move, but it's so slowly that it feels like they're moving in slow motion, and it takes extra effort to grip the ring, which she can barely feel. She can feel it, just, not what it feels like. Her heart pounds, and her immediate concern, which is so stupid it nearly makes her laugh, is that she won't able to play the piano anymore.
Aubrey gets the ring off as the elevator door opens, and quickly places it back in her right hand before she can drop it. She slides it where it belongs, on her left ring finger. It's as they step off the elevator that Aubrey realizes Chloe's mom is paying attention to what she's doing, watching Aubrey out of the corner of her eye. And Aubrey waits for her to say something. Instead, she just looks away and walks forward in silence.
When they walk in the room, her gaze immediately falls on Chloe's hand, and the wheels seem to turn for a fraction of a second before she looks away. "You can go," she tells her husband without reacting, even though Aubrey knows she already has it figured out. Because Chloe's mom is too smart not to have figured it out. She's the kind of smart Aubrey wishes she was. She's the kind of a lot of things Aubrey wishes she was.
"What would you like to eat?" Noah asks, wrapping her in a tight hug.
Julia is quiet, resting her head against his shoulder and a hand on his chest. She shakes her head. "Just find me something," she says, then stands up straight and pecks his lips.
Aubrey looks away.
Noah ruffles Aubrey's hair as he leaves.
Julia sinks down into a chair and rubs her face. "Sit, Baby."
Aubrey would rather run right out the door. Only, she wouldn't, because she can't just run out the door on Chloe. But, seeing her in that bed, Aubrey wants to run far away from all of this. Not from Chloe. Just from everything. It's a good thing she can barely move at all, and she attached to a metal pole that would probably trip her if she tried to run with it.
Julia slouches farther down in the chair, head against her hand, watching Aubrey's every move. "I need you to sit down." She pulls the chair next to her even closer when Aubrey finally walks over to sit with her.
Aubrey sits up straight, completely opposite of Chloe's mom – too straight. She rests her hand on her knee, and stares straight ahead. Not at Chloe.
"Do you wanna talk about it?" Julia asks, "I'm a good listener."
Aubrey knows she is. She shakes her head.
"You're gonna have to talk about it later," Julia says, "They're going to be asking you a lot of questions."
Aubrey knows they are.
There is a knock on the doorframe, and someone comes in with a tray of food. She places it on a tray table in the room, then wheels it over to Aubrey. "Here you are, Miss. Enjoy."
Aubrey highly doubts she is going to enjoy it. She digs her nails into her pajamas pants, and looks at the small plastic cup of three pills next to a cup of orange juice.
"I think one of them is for nausea," Julia says, not looking away from her, "I asked the nurse if they could give you something to try to help you eat."
Aubrey has no way of knowing which pill is which so she can pick and choose. "Why are there two more?" She doesn't need two medications to just feel a little less anxious.
Julia sighs and just looks at her, and Aubrey knows why.
They think she's depressed.
Aubrey shakes her head. "You're wrong."
"Am I?" Julia asks.
Aubrey nods. She is not depressed. She doesn't just lay around in bed, unable to function. She gets up early, exercises, cooks, cleans, holds a full-time job, does things that she enjoys… Maybe she isn't as optimistic and excitable as Chloe, but she's capable of feeling happy. And, right now, Aubrey should feel sad. After everything that has happened, with Chloe unconscious… It would be wrong, an insult to everyone who was on that island to just go about her life like nothing ever happened.
"Maybe you're right," Julia says, "Or maybe you're just used to how things have always been." She shrugs. "I haven't been able to spend that much time with you. I'm just going off what I've seen in the time we have had together."
She's wrong.
Aubrey looks up at ceiling, desperately trying to will herself back to her normal life. She was happy. She was, at least, happier than this.
"You can wait until Dad comes back with our food," Julia says, "But you are going to take them, and you are going to eat today. Chloe needs you to eat. If she was awake, she would be throwing a fit knowing you're not eating, and you know it."
If.
xxxxx
"Mom, Aubrey and I are getting breakfast." Chloe sped through the living room at rocket speed, leaving Aubrey behind like a smoke trail.
Mrs. Beale looked up from her phone, frowning. "Good morning!" she called after her, then smiled at Aubrey. "Good morning."
"Good morning," Aubrey addressed her politely, walking at the same speed one might drive past the police.
"Did you sleep well?"
Aubrey nodded. "Yes, Ma-"
Chloe slid across the kitchen floor in her socks, then did a U-turn and came barreling back into the living room. She jumped onto the couch beside her mom, nearly knocking her phone from her hand. "Good morning." She kissed her mother's cheek.
"Does she have this much energy at school?" Mrs. Beale asked.
Aubrey wasn't quite sure how to answer. While, yes, Chloe did have enough energy to power an entire city at Barden, she was like a power surge capable of blacking out all of Florida at home. So, no. She stopped walking, hovering awkwardly, as she waited for Chloe to remember they were about to eat breakfast.
"Good morning," Chloe said again, and placed another kissed on her mother's cheek. "Good morning." She kissed her again. "Good morning." Another kiss. "Good morning."
"Stop showing off and go eat," Mrs. Beale said, trying to use her shoulder to block Chloe from her face.
Chloe leaned over her, placing rapid kisses on her cheek, until her mom was nearly falling over sideways with Chloe practically on top of her.
"Why are you like this?" Mrs. Beale asked, accidentally dropping her phone on the floor.
"Because of you."
Mrs. Beale spun around so fast that Chloe fell between her and the couch, and Aubrey's heart seemed to stop in fear. She used her entire body to pin Chloe down, kissing all over her face. "Good morning, good morning, good morning," she said annoyingly in between each kiss, "How do you like it? Good morning, good morning, good morning, good morning, good morning."
"Mom!" Chloe squirmed to get away, "Mom!"
Mrs. Beale let her up. She picked her phone back up from the floor and shook her head.
Chloe peered over her. "What are you playing? Is it Farmville?"
"Chloe Beale!" Mrs. Beale placed her phone face down next to her, "Get out of here. Your friend is not going to want to come back if you starve her." She looked at Aubrey. "Right?"
Aubrey felt like a deer caught in the headlights.
Mrs. Beale gave her a soft smile.
Aubrey looked at Chloe and nodded.
"Fine." Chloe cuddled up to her mom for a second. "Good morning," she said with another quick kiss, then bolted from the couch.
Mrs. Beale smacked her on the bottom before she managed to get away.
"Mom!" Chloe grabbed Aubrey, nearly pulling her arm out of the socket as she dragged her to the kitchen. "What kind of cereal do you want?"
Aubrey was still reeling from the past two minutes.
Chloe flung open one of the cupboards, revealing a wide variety of nothing Aubrey had ever tried.
Of course, Aubrey had eaten cereal before. What kind of person never had cereal? Well, there were probably some people who had never tried cereal - like Amazon Rainforest people. But, Aubrey ate, like, Cheerios and Raisin Bran, not Lucky Charms or Cocoa Puffs.
"I'm so excited you're here," Chloe said, pulling down the Lucky Charms.
"I couldn't tell," Aubrey deadpanned, still deciding, "I'm not very hungry."
"We have more options if you don't like those," Mrs. Beale said, coming into the kitchen behind them.
"Yeah, the boring kind," Chloe said.
Mrs. Beale ignored her. "Or I could make you guys some pancakes or something. We have chocolate chips to put in them."
Chloe looked at Aubrey, putting her on the spot.
"No, thank you," Aubrey declined politely.
Mrs. Beale opened another cupboard and pulled down some cinnamon Cheerios and Frosted Flakes. "How about one of these? You have to eat." She reached over and rubbed Aubrey's arm.
How many boxes of cereal did one family need? Aubrey slid the closest box across the counter without even looking at it, and gravitated in toward Chloe. "This one is fine, thank you." She gave her a smile that she hoped would ward her off. It didn't. Chloe's mom seemed content to hover in the kitchen with them.
Chloe grabbed two bowls, and passed one to Aubrey. She opened the box of Lucky Charms, only pouring a few of them into her bowl. "Where are the marshmallows?"
Mrs. Beale shrugged and took one of the cereal pieces from Chloe's bowl. "Ask your father."
Chloe frowned and moved the bowl, then placed the box back in the cupboard. "Why would he put the box back with all the marshmallows gone?"
"You just put the box back," Aubrey pointed out.
"Yeah, because the trashcan is all the way over there," Chloe said.
"That is not trash." Mrs. Beale hopped up to sit on the counter. "That is an entire box of cereal, and I am going to be very unhappy if I find it in the garbage, Chloe."
The counter was not for sitting on.
"That's why he put it back," Chloe said.
"Hey." Mrs. Beale nudged the box of cinnamon Cheerios closer to Aubrey. "Eat, Honey."
Chloe sighed and grabbed the Cap'n Crunch. "Did you ever watch Veggie Tales?"
That was one cartoon Aubrey had actually seen. She nodded.
"Remember The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything? 'I think you look like Cap'n Crunch.'"
Aubrey refrained from laughing.
"We have to eat this now." Chloe poured some in both of their bowls.
As Bellas, they had a strict dietary regimen to maintain that Aubrey was fairly certain Cap'n Crunch was not a part of. She tried to look at the box to see what was in it, frowning as Chloe pulled it away and placed it back in the cupboard.
"You're not even going to let her choose what she wants?" Mrs. Beale put the other boxes away, then stole several pieces from Chloe's bowl once Chloe turned her back to get milk. She tossed one in the air – looking very disappointed when it landed in her lap rather than in her mouth. She tried again, successful in her second attempt.
"Trust me, if she wanted something else, she would tell me," Chloe answered.
Aubrey gave the back of her head a look.
"Mama, are you eating my cereal?" Chloe asked, turning around with the milk.
Mrs. Beale stood up, dumping the rest of the pieces she had stolen in her mouth at once. "It was Dad," she said, still chewing, brushing her hands together to get the crumbs off, "He's a cereal thief. Just like with those marshmallows." She winked at Aubrey, then walked back toward the living room.
"Don't do it," Chloe warned, watching Aubrey stare at where the crumbs probably fell, "She'll come back and clean it up after we're out of the kitchen. Our house isn't dirty."
It was weird, because Chloe was right. Despite Chloe's mom brushing crumbs off her hands, their house looked clean – in a sanitary sense. It did, however, also look lived in. There were things placed in areas without any rhyme or reason that Aubrey could see. Like Mr. Beale's car keys on the table and a pair of Chloe's shoes kicked off near the wall.
Chloe poured milk into her bowl then passed it to Aubrey. "You look overwhelmed," she whispered.
Aubrey smiled and shook her head. She poured her milk then carried it back to the refrigerator. Things weren't placed correctly in there either. Everything was in sealed containers, but things were just placed wherever, haphazardly on random shelves, and she had to just pick a free area to place the milk back in.
"Let's go eat in my room," Chloe suggested.
They couldn't eat in the bedroom. Aubrey drew the line at this insanity there. She grabbed the spoon that Chloe had taken out of a drawer, then picked up her bowl, and looked at her in refusal.
"We could eat in the living room with my mom?" Chloe suggested. She seemed to like that idea even better.
"You have a perfectly good table," Aubrey whispered, not wanting to be heard.
"Oh yeah. Right," Chloe whispered back and smiled, then paused, "Why are we whispering?"
Aubrey carried her bowl to the table. "I don't know." She sat down, and shrugged at her.
Chloe sat down across from her. "This is weird," she said, "Sitting at the table. Eating breakfast. Like some kind of formal occasion." She put her pinky out as she picked up her spoon. "Do you think the Queen of England eats breakfast at the kitchen table every morning?"
What? Aubrey stared at her, taken aback by such a strange question. But, she was talking to Chloe, so… "I imagine she has a dining room."
Chloe nodded. "Do you have a dining room at home?"
"Your cereal is going to get soggy if you continue talking," Aubrey pointed out, then took a bite so she couldn't answer the question. It was better than Aubrey expected. It was really good actually. In a way that made Aubrey automatically want to shovel another spoonful of it into her mouth before she had finished chewing the first one. But, she was a civilized human with self-control, so she finished chewing and swallowing first.
Chloe chewed her first bite, appearing to be very suddenly deep in thought. "My mom totally ate all the marshmallows," she realized.
Aubrey nodded, and if it tasted anything like this, she could understand why…
xxxxx
Chloe's dad seems to take forever. By the time he gets back, her mom has fallen asleep curled up in the chair, and Aubrey has taken to pushing food around her plate with her fork to keep her hand busy – and to keep from staring at Chloe. How is she supposed to eat in here? All she can think about is Chloe. There is so much she could have just done differently. She can't change any of it now. And she doesn't understand how Chloe's parents don't resent her for being awake, while Chloe is not. Or maybe they do, and they're just that good at hiding it.
Noah walks in and places the tray he got next to Aubrey's, then looks at Julia and sighs.
"You should let her sleep," Aubrey whispers.
"She's not going to like that," Noah says, and kneels next to the chair to wake her, "Hey." He gently shakes her side. He's probably right to wake her. Sleeping in a chair like that would be enough to hurt anyone's back.
Aubrey finally looks at Chloe. If she could just shake her awake…
Julia slowly puts herself back upright. "You're back already."
"Faster than the speed of light," Noah says.
Aubrey doesn't comment on how long he was gone.
Noah grabs a cup of oatmeal from the tray, and offer it to her. "I got you something."
Chloe's mom must not enjoy oatmeal, because she stares him right in the eye with a blank expression.
"You weren't very specific," Noah says.
No response.
He puts the oatmeal back down on the tray, and offers her a cup of fruit instead.
"I know where you sleep," Julia threatens him, half-heartedly brandishing a plastic fork at him.
"You sure you don't want it?" Noah picks up the oatmeal again and takes too big of a bite. "Mmm."
Julia is watching him as she eats her own food, not looking entertained in the slightest. She positions a grape in her fork, then bends it back and slingshots it right at him. It bounces off his forehead, then falls into his cup. "Bullseye."
Aubrey wants to be like that with Chloe. Twenty years from now. She picks at the fruit on her own plate.
Julia turns sideways on the chair. "Swallow the pills first," she instructs, sounding still half asleep.
Aubrey doesn't see any other options. She could say no – but then she would have to face whatever unpleasant consequences come with that choice. Mostly likely, the worst consequence of all: disappointment. She refuses to look at either of them as she picks up the cup, then dumps all three pills into her mouth at once and washes them down with the juice.
"Thank you," Julia says, "Good girl."
Aubrey places her cup back down, and rearranges all of the items on her tray.
"We can get you different food," Julia offers again, "Dad can go out and get you whatever you want."
Aubrey shakes her head. Nothing sounds appealing.
"What about a smoothie?" Julia tries, "That's like food and a drink. Two birds, one stone."
Aubrey stabs a piece of melon. The last time she had fruit was at the pool, right before everything went to hell – when Chloe was still okay. She can still feel herself tangled up with Chloe on the couch. In a matter of days, they went from Aubrey asking Chloe on a date to Chloe proposing. And here she thought they never fit the U-Haul jokes. She must have dazed out again, because her fork is on her plate, and Chloe's mom is brushing her hair away from her face.
"I know you don't feel good, Aubrey. I can tell just by looking at you. But eating is not optional, Baby, it's just not."
Aubrey knows. She knows. She rubs away the tears welling up in her eyes, trying to be casual about it, then forces herself to eat the melon on her fork. She can barely chew it, let alone swallow it.
Julia nods her approval and rubs her back, then goes back to her own food. She doesn't take her eyes off Aubrey, only glancing away when her fork can't find the fruit in her bowl.
Aubrey can't eat in here. She cannot. How the hell is she supposed to eat, sitting there with Chloe in front of her like this? How are any of them eating? How are any of them doing anything? She lines her fruit up in rows, according to type, only eating the extra fruit that makes her rows uneven in numbers. Squashes her eggs together until they form a square. Lays her half sliced pieces of toast out to make one full slice. Makes her plate look like it belongs on Things Organized Neatly. Then she lays her fork down in front of the plate, lined up with the edge of the tray, because now she can't touch it.
"Pick your fork back up," Julia directs her.
Aubrey stares at her food, trying to feel better. It's all laid out in a way that should make her feel better. It should make her feel better. It doesn't.
"Please, pick up your fork."
Aubrey slides her hand underneath her thigh and sits on it. If Chloe was awake, she would know how to fix this…
"What's going to happen if you pick up your fork and put all of that out of order?" Julia asks.
Chloe won't wake up. That's illogical. That's ridiculous to think. Aubrey curls her fingers, scraping her nails against the seat of the chair. She's not irrational enough to really believe that. And, yet, she still won't pick it up. "I want to go home." She'll eat at home.
"Will you not get to go home if you mess that up?" Julia asks.
Aubrey's lips twitch. That's just as stupid as thinking Chloe won't wake up. Some honeydew melon and a few grapes don't determine Aubrey's (or Chloe's) fate.
Julia glances down and eats one more piece of fruit, then places the rest of it, along with her fork, in front of Aubrey's tray. She reaches over Aubrey's things and grabs a few slices of toast from her husband's tray, and splits them between herself and on a napkin in front of Aubrey.
Aubrey pushes them off to the side, and wills herself to pick up her own fork again. She stabs it into her food. It's fine. She'll just eat it in rows – keep it even. That feels okay. See? She's eating now. Her stomach hates every second of it.
She can't look at her food, or at Chloe, or at Chloe's parents, so she stares straight ahead at the wall, working her way through breakfast piece by piece.