Bechloe-4evs: Thank you. I'm surprised how much I enjoyed writing them.
RJRMovieFan: Thank you.
Bechloe-Bible-49: Julia is a nickname. Her full name is Jillian. She is based off of Elizabeth Mitchell. Noah is based off an older, slightly chubbier Duane Henry.
MaliXx: Thank you.
Daisy: Thank you.
SunDanceQT: 'Beca's Special Conversation' is the only way I'm referring to it in my notes from now on.
Dysrhythmia
It's that old recurring dream where you're drowning,
Flailing your arms out, fearful and frantic,
And black waves are curling and pounding,
Down onto your head somewhere in the Atlantic.
Through the fathoms below you a shadow,
Is gliding up towards you with singular purpose,
And hundreds of thousands of gallons,
Of ocean froth and foam as it breaks the surface.
Its black eyes find you almost at once.
Its black eyes find you almost at once.
You can't hide, swim away, or take air into your lungs,
To scream for help that won't come.
- David Wirsig
"Well?" Beca asks.
"Well what?" Aubrey settles down on the bed with Chloe's laptop and videos. Being in bed has never felt so amazing. Every time she sits down, it's better than the last time.
"Did you have fun?" Beca sits down next to her.
Aubrey laughs. In what world is Beca sitting next to her asking her if she had fun on an outing? "I did." As much as she could anyway. "You?"
"Yeah, actually, I did."
They're close enough that Aubrey can lean her head against Beca, so she does.
"So, I was thinking," Beca says, "Maybe you should go with your mom to the school tomorrow."
After Noah's talk about tying up Chloe's loose ends, Aubrey has been thinking that too. "Yeah, okay."
"I just think – wait, really?"
"Mhm." Aubrey double clicks a video. Beca looks remarkably smug about something. Whatever it is, she isn't interesting in hearing about it right now. "Now please shut up."
xxxxx
"I was thinkin' about going to church on Sundays," Noah says at the dinner table, "Anyone want to go with me?"
There's silence aside from the scraping of silverware. They all look at each other then back down at their food.
"Maybe Brian," Conrad eventually volunteers one of them, "But you should know he's Catholic."
Brian finishes wiping his face with a napkin before responding, "I'm Jewish, you moron."
This must be news to Conrad, because he lowers his spoon and angles himself around to face him. "What?"
"What do you mean 'what'? Why do you think we set up a menorah every year?"
Conrad ponders this. "I thought it was just for the culture of it. Kind of like Madonna stole vogue."
"Growing up, I told myself I was never going to marry an idiot," Brian says, mostly to himself.
Conrad beams. "It's a good thing you married me."
"You're right. Thank God I married you instead."
"The Jews don't believe in God," Conrad says.
"What the absolute fuck are you talking about?" Brian asks.
Conrad turns around toward Aubrey. "Do you ever mess with somebody's head just to make them lose their shit?"
Aubrey glances to the side at Beca then shakes her head and swirls her spoon around in her soup. "Never."
"At least 50 occasions come to mind," Beca says, staring right at her.
"Do tell," Conrad insists.
"One time, I was doing my homework during the five second break Aubrey allotted for us during Bellas practice, and I was so fucking tired that I couldn't think. So I thought 'Aubrey seems smart, and if my homework is done, she knows I'll have more time to bow to her every beck and call.' So I asked her how Paul Revere alerted everyone that the French were coming."
"Even I know that, and I'm an idiot," Conrad says.
"Yeah, well, you tend to forget everything going after three hours of cardio," Beca defends herself, "And what did you tell me, Aubrey?"
"I thought if you failed your classes, you'd get kicked out of extra curriculars," Aubrey says honestly, "And it was a stupid question, so…"
"Aubrey told me that Paul Revere rode through town on the Mayor's donkey while yelling 'the French are coming!' all night long – but back then, the appropriate term for 'donkey' was 'ass'. So I wrote that Paul Revere rode the Mayor's ass all through the night, yelling that the French were coming."
Brian loses it almost immediately. He drops his spoon on the table and leans back on his chair, laughing with his hands on his stomach.
"My professor couldn't decide if I was being a smart ass or if I was a fucking idiot."
"Well," Aubrey says in all seriousness, "You didn't know the answer so…"
"Aubrey," Julia reprimands her.
"He rode the – he rode the Mayor's ass all through the night!" Brian wheezes, slapping is knee, "Yelling the French are coming! He rode the Mayor's…the Mayor's ass…" He slides out of his chair. "The French are coming…"
"Dude, it's not that funny."
"It is! Oh, it is!"
"That's amazing," Conrad compliments Aubrey.
Noah clears his throat and rubs the back of his neck, dipping his head to try to hide his smile. "So no takers then?"
"I'll go," Aubrey replies. If it'll give them more time together, maybe it won't be so bad. And churches have choirs, right? And if God is real, she can let Him know how much she hates Him in His own house.
"I hope the first thing you do is pray for forgiveness," Beca tells her. She looks down at Brian, who is still writhing on the floor. "You should go with her."
"…rode his…ass…"
"Just me and you then, Buddy," Noah says.
Aubrey bites her lip to lessen her smile and nods.
"Church teaches people like Aubrey to be meaner," Beca informs them all, "It starts with church and moves to a girls only Bible study at some church lady's house where no one actually studies the Bible because they're too busy gossiping about someone who didn't get an invite because they don't like her outfits or some petty shit."
"Sounds like you've had personal experience with this," Aubrey says, "Bless your heart. Anything you want to talk about? I can bring it up to the ladies at church so we can pray for you."
Beca throws a napkin at her.
Julia snatches it away before she can throw it back. "Behave at the table."
Under the table and out of sight, Aubrey kicks Beca in the shin. She dodges Beca's attempt to kick her back, and it turns into a more obvious kicking match until Julia puts her foot between them. Not about to risk kicking her, they both lean back in their chairs.
Brian finally picks himself up off the floor, wiping at his eyes. "That was the best thing I've heard in days."
xxxxx
It's going to be weird in the new house, Aubrey realizes while in the bath. She needs space, but she's also gotten used to being in close proximity to Beca and Chloe's parents. In the new place, they're all planning their own apartments – and then she'll be alone. Maybe she can ask Beca if they can switch back and forth between their places together – at least for a little while. Until they settle in. Or until Chloe's wakes up. She's about to bring it up, but Beca has other things on her mind.
"Are you going to ask how my conversation with Conrad went this morning without you?" Beca inquires, "It was awful, by the way."
"Nobody asked you to go down there." They improvised a table shelf for the bath out of a storage bin lid, and Aubrey swirls a spoon around in a mug of chamomile tea she has resting on top of it.
"Were you going to figure it out?" Beca asks.
Absolutely not. "What did he say?"
"That he knows the perfect sex shop and will personally take us to it."
"Have fun," is all Aubrey has to say about that.
"How am I going to know what to get?" Beca asks.
"I'm sure you'll figure it out. You should go tomorrow while I'm busy. I'll give you money."
"And if I get something you don't like?"
"Sounds inevitable."
"I'm not going to go back and forth buying new things until I find something you like," Beca asks, "You're going."
"Why can't we just buy something online?" That seems like the logical, discreet way to do things. Aubrey can get one of those debit gift cards that can't be traced back to her and they can use Chloe's computer, because even no doubt it's already been used for some sketchy stuff. Chloe probably won't remember what she has and hasn't looked at over the years if she somehow manages to recover the history after Aubrey deletes it.
"I just figured this might be something you want to see in person before making a purchase they probably aren't going to let you return or exchange."
"I'm not going to a sex shop and that's final," Aubrey says, "Either go yourself or look online. Or just let him make the decision." He is eerily good at knowing what people like to drink; maybe he's good at knowing other things people will enjoy well. It would explain why so many people have slept with him. She's still trying to get past the mortification of him knowing what they're up to.
"Maybe I will go with him."
"Like I said, have fun." Aubrey sips her tea.
There is a light knocking on the door that startles them both into sloshing water out of the tub. "Hey, girls," Julia says, "There is some weather coming this way, so you might want to wrap it up, okay?"
"Okay," Aubrey answers her.
Beca gets up first, giving Aubrey space to push their little shelf forward so she can get up as well. "I want heated bathroom floor, heated bathroom walls," she says, "I'll even take a heated toilet seat."
Aubrey agrees a thousand percent. She grabs a towel and makes an effort to dry herself off as quickly as possible so she can put her clothes on. Whatever can come as a heated product, she'll take it. Blankets, hell, maybe even the whole bed. She saw somewhere that even have heated jackets now. If they're doing construction throughout the winter, she is definitely going to be investing in one of those.
Dressing herself is still getting easier, but she will continue counting down the days until she can do it without her shirt getting stuck around her arms or head. The first time she puts a shirt on without temporarily looking like the Headless Horseman will be a cause for celebration.
"Straight to bed?" Beca asks.
"Yeah, I'm just going to say goodnight to everyone." Aubrey grabs her mug and leaves draining the tub and moving their 'table' to Beca. She meets Julia in the kitchen where she has started rinsing dishes for the dishwasher.
Julia holds out a hand for her mug.
"I got it," Aubrey says.
"Bunny, I'm literally already standing in front of the sink." Julia plucks the mug from her hand. "How about saying goodnight to everyone and I'll find you when this is finished, okay?"
Aubrey watches her for a moment longer, wondering if she is supposed to be doing something to pay for her free stay – but there is a gap between how she could be helping out and what she's currently capable of. There has to be some chores that require only one arm and minimal energy. Inventorying the refrigerator and writing out the grocery lists, maybe? She's distracted thinking about it as she walks into the living room and goes through the goodnight assembly line – first Conrad, who is in a rush to 'become a woman for the night', next Brian, who is still a mess over Paul Revere, last Noah, who calls her Sweetheart and kisses her head.
"I'm here," Julia walks into the bedroom just as Aubrey is sitting down on the bed. She crawls up onto the bed with her and wraps her in a hug that almost knocks her over. "Goodnight." She kisses her head. "Goodnight." Another kiss. "Goodnight. I love you. I love you. I love you." She continues kissing between each sentence. One arm still around Aubrey, she leans over and pulls Beca in as well. "Goodnight, Beca. I really enjoyed today with you."
"Yeah, you too, or whatever."
Julia gives her a squeeze then releases her and gives Aubrey one last hug and kiss goodnight. "Door open or closed?"
Aubrey says 'closed' while Beca requests 'open'.
Aubrey looks at her.
"Everything okay?" Julia asks.
"I want to make sure Aubrey actually goes to sleep tonight."
"Open it is." Julia gets up and walks over to the fire escape window, adjusting the curtain. "Should keep any lightning out," she says, tugging the curtain all the way across the bar on both sides, "Come out if you need anything, okay?" She returns to the bed to tuck them both in. "Sorry. Mom habit. Gotta sneak in one more kiss." She turns off the light and leaves the door cracked open.
Beca rolls over onto her side. "Tell me you're going to stay in bed tonight."
Is there another option? Aubrey rubs her fingers up and down her ribcage and stares at the ceiling. In the new house, they'll have their own rooms with their own beds. She nods in Beca's direction. She is an adult, perfectly capable of staying in bed and falling asleep – even alone. Especially alone.
xxxxx
"Beca!" Her heart is slamming against her ribcage and she can barely breathe through the torrential downpour surrounding her. Sharp rocks and roots stick up out of the slippery mud, slowing her down as she runs in a random direction with no idea where she's going. Twice, she trips. Both times she lands on her arm in excruciating pain. Heavy footsteps splashing through the water gathering on the ground several feet behind her impel her to get up and keep on running through the soreness of her muscles. The forest feels never ending. Somehow she knows that it is never ending. There is no way out.
"Beca!"
Beca doesn't answer her back. The possibility that she's dead slows Aubrey down even though she's desperate to run faster. She comes to a stop and grips onto the bark of a tree to keep from falling to her knees. Nausea rips through her stomach, and she wonders if maybe she should let herself fall. She knows what she's running from, but what is she running to? There is no way out and she can't go on this way forever.
Luke grabs her from behind, yanks her around and then slams her back up against the tree.
"Stop," Aubrey demands and pushes against his chest with one hand. The other hand hangs limply by her side no matter how hard she tries to move it. She tries to use the rest of her body to push him off of her, but he has her pinned. "Let go of me! What is wrong with you?!"
Luke opens his mouth, but instead of speaking, water and blood spill out over his chin with a sickening gurgling sound. He grabs her throat with one hand, digging his nails into the skin, and holds her working arm against her chest with his other hand to keep her from attacking back. She can't breathe. She gasps for air, but it's only rain water that manages to get in – filling her lungs, choking her further. Her bladder gives way under the terror.
"Beca!" It's less of a word this time and more of an exhalation of air and blood with the intent of speaking. Her vision grows dark and fuzzy around the edges and she knows she's going to die. She tries to jolt forward, to breathe, to move her limbs, to cling to any shred of consciousness.
"Aubrey, stop!"
Aubrey shoves at the person holding her down and tries to twist her arm out of their grip. "Beca!" She gets a leg up between their bodies and tries to push off of her with her knee, but she's still trapped.
"It's me!"
The bedroom lights turn on. "Don't hold her down," Julia says.
"I can't let her go; she keeps clawing her throat," Beca replies.
The light and voices bring her to, but she doesn't know where she is until Julia is sitting on the bed patting her thigh.
"Aubrey, wake up."
Rain is slamming into the windowpane and she's drenched in sweat. She stops trying to get Beca off of her and covers her face when Beca lets go. The reason she can't breathe is because her nose is stuffy from crying. It all sinks in one thing at a time.
"Hey. Hey." Julia helps her upright and Beca sits down on the bed beside her. "You were just dreaming. Just dreaming. You okay, Beca?"
"No one should pack that hard of a punch while they're sleeping," Beca answers, "I'm fine." She mutters 'ow' under her breath.
"Let me see your throat." Julia pries her hand from her face and lightly touches her neck with the tips of her finger. "That's not too bad. Just some red marks. Those will go away. Are you okay?"
Thunder rattles the house, and both Aubrey and Beca jump. Aubrey lifts her hand back up over her face and shakes her head.
"Good girl being honest. Good girl. Scoot over." Julia nudges Aubrey closer to the middle and Beca closer to the opposite side. She pulls the blankets up then turns to sit sideways, one arm around Aubrey's back, her other hand on the side of her face. "Just breathe."
Aubrey draws one deep breath in through her mouth then slowly lets it out.
"Good."
Thunder cracks again and Aubrey lifts her head from her hand when the entire house goes dark. She presses into Julia while Beca slides back between them and the headboard.
"Guys. It's just a storm. The power is out; it's normal. Hey. Let's get out the radio and-"
"No," they both stop her at the same time.
"Okay. Okay."
They have two ways out – through the door and through the fire escape. That's good. If someone comes in, they're not completely cornered. It would be more of a relief if they were armed – even with just a knife. With anything. Why didn't she think to keep a knife under her pillow? Unless she strangles someone with a laptop cord, nothing in this room is even remotely threatening. She sniffles and is shushed by Beca's hand smacking her back. She wipes her nose on her sleeve because it's better than making noise. It's difficult enough to hear over the rain and thunder.
"It's just a storm," Julia repeats.
"Dude, be quiet. I heard something."
"There are other people who live here," Julia reminds them, "And two animals. If there was an intruder, the dog would be barking."
"Unless it's dead. Or fucking dismembered and needs to be put out of its misery."
Aubrey turns her head, but she can't see her in the dark. The idea of shooting a dog in the head lets her know that she is still capable of feeling nauseated even with medication. And, honestly, the knowledge that Noah would do it for her doesn't make her feel much better. She's too used to being on the front line of battle. If she's not, then what good is she? "I'm going to do a round," she whispers and inches toward the bottom of the bed.
"Aubrey, don't." Beca grabs the back of her shirt, "I'll do it."
"Let go of my shirt."
"How about I do it?" Julia suggests, "Stay here."
"No." Aubrey tries to get up. She has witnessed enough people die, and Chloe's mom cannot add to the list.
Julia puts a hand on her shoulder and eases her back down. "Stay here."
Aubrey moves back against the headboard and sinks down next to Beca.
"I'll be okay. I'll be right back."
Pain begins to pulsate down around Aubrey's ribs and stomach and she tries to rub it away. There are worse things to think about than the dog being dismembered and images of it happening to Chloe's parents flood her brain. She closes her eyes, tries to meditate them away, then smacks her head back against the wall when her mind conjures up to too-familiar stench of blood to accompany her thoughts.
"Aubrey, don't." Beca's hand prevents her from hitting it more than twice. "Are you trying to give yourself a concussion? Stop doing that."
She's trying to self-induce amnesia. No biting remark comes to mind, so she chooses to ignore the question altogether.
Beca jolts at another crack of thunder, and Aubrey nearly leaps off the bed as a result. "Jesus fucking hell," Beca mumbles against her hand, "Fuck."
"All clear." Julia returns using her phone as a flashlight. "I'm going to text Conrad so we know when he's coming home, and that way we'll be prepared for the front door to open." The door opens. "Speak of the devil."
"It's so dark in here," Conrad confirms his presence immediately, "Good, because my face is melting off and it's not pretty."
"Careful, Kitty," Julia tells Catsy as he darts in through the closing bedroom door, "Goodness gracious." She carries her phone and a cup of water over to Aubrey's side of the bed, then sits down beside her. "Hold out your hand." Once Aubrey's hand is out, she places two pills on her palm. "You gotta sleep. Everything is fine."
Aubrey moves one of her legs away from the cat when he leaps onto the bed.
"Come on." Julia pats her leg. "Take them. Beca, do you need anything?"
Beca just exhales an unhappy laugh.
The cat is staring at her. The lightning reflects off his eyes. Aubrey swallows back the pills with water then hands the cup back and tries to avoid him as she stretches out to lay back down. Why does he have to look at her? He has to know that she hates him. He is probably thinking about clawing her while she sleeps. Stupid fleabag.
Julia adjusts a pillow so she can lean back against it then traces her thumb up and down the bridge of Aubrey's nose, making it difficult for her to open her eyes.
It's like she's still there - in the middle of the woods, hiding under a tree to avoid the rain that had already soaked her to the point of freezing. She's shivering, damp from sweat, and cold, and anything dry and warm feels miles away. She thinks about Chloe in the church, stroking her face like her mother is doing now. The thunder brings back gunshots. Her legs become restless, but also feel like they've been running for miles. The Xanax does little besides make everything foggy and the sleeping pill just makes her limbs too heavy to move even though they need to. Being rendered useless to sleep is never going to be any less terrifying than being prepared to fight – it will always be worse.
Catsy leaps to the top of the bed where he decides to create a nest with the pillow and Aubrey's hair. He kneads it to his perfection then spoons around Aubrey's head, purring loudly in her ear – so loudly, it almost drowns out the downpour happening outside.
"I'm lonely," Noah says from behind the door, "I've been abandoned by my wife and children."
"Abandoned," Julia repeats to herself with amusement, "Any idea where they went?"
"No clue. I've decided to look for some new ones. Any availability in there?"
"There might be."
Noah opens the door and shines a light at the bed that Aubrey can just sort of see with her eyes closed. "Brought my own mattress," he says, "Thought it might be weird if I climbed in bed with you guys."
"It's still weird," Beca mutters into her pillow.
"It's only weird if you make it weird," Noah tells her and shuts the door.
"Pretty sure it's an 'in general' weird."
"I could be in the bed."
"Honestly, at this point, kinda surprised you're not."
Aubrey is steadily growing too tired to care about what they're saying. She reaches her hand above her head and rests it on top of Catsy, successfully raising the volume of his steady rumbling. Just in case telepathy is somehow on the off-chance real, she lets him know that she still hates him and that will never change. She's just finding ways to make him earn his keep until Chloe returns for him and forces Aubrey to tolerate him as a freeloader. For now, if he wants food and a place to live, he will just have to settle for being a noise reduction device. This about him pulling his own weight.
xxxxx
It's past eight when Aubrey wakes up, and Catsy is no longer sleeping near her head. Instead, something is weighing down her legs and when she bolts upright to see what it is, it's the dog again. She looks around for Beca to lure the damn thing off of her, but she's alone. Everyone is either in the living room or kitchen; she can hear their voices. She'll be damned if she yells for them – the previous night was embarrassing enough. "Move."
Bark blinks and flops his tail up and down.
"Move, you repulsive beast."
Instead of getting down from the bed, Bark inches his way up her legs until his head is on her lap. He nudges her hand with his nose and swishes his tail harder.
Aubrey carefully rests her hand atop his head. He's softer than the goat, though not by much. The hair on his head is course, but his ears have a more velvety feel to them. He doesn't seem to mind when she touches them - quite the opposite, actually. She pulls her arm back when he licks it. Absolutely disgusting.
"Are you petting the dog?" Beca asks, appearing in the doorway.
"No." Aubrey tries to move away from him, but he presses his whole body onto her lap.
"He likes you."
Why? Out of everyone in this house that he could be tormenting for attention right now, why her? He must have a thing for the emotionally and physically distant. Or not. Because then he'd be all over Beca too.
Beca pats her knees. "Bark, come. Come on, Boy."
Bark doesn't budge.
"Sorry, can't help you," Beca says and walks away again.
Aubrey frowns at her back until she's gone then looks back down at the loathly mutt sprawled across her lap. She can hear Beca telling Julia that she's awake but still 'resting'. That little… "Do you bite?" she asks Bark in a quiet voice, "Because if you do, you should bite Beca. You have your rabies shots, right?" The tag on his collar confirms that indeed, a little nibbling at Beca wouldn't cause any serious damage. "Go."
Bark tilts his head to one side.
"Go," Aubrey insists.
He tilts his head to the other side.
Well, he seems to react to the word 'go'. "Do you want to go for a walk?" Nothing. "Do you want to go for a ride? Do you want to go outside?" Still no. She has to keep in mind whose dog this is. "Do you want to go…pursue men? Maybe you don't like men. Maybe you want a girl." It's official – her sanity is slipping. "Do you want to go to the park?" She drops her head back against the headboard when he puts his head down. She's going to be stuck like this. Forever.
"I didn't believe Beca when she said you were resting." Julia walks in a few minutes later. If she hadn't believed her why did it take so long to come to the rescue? "Bark. Go get your toy."
First try. Very first try. Bark uses Aubrey as a launch pad to propel himself off the bed and go running through the house.
"I hate you," Aubrey states and stands up before he can come back, "How did you know what to say?"
"Lucky guess?" Julia responds with a guilty smile. "Do you want help getting dressed?"
Not from her right now. Aubrey shakes her head.
"Okay. See you in a few minutes." Julia backs out and closes the door.
The very first try…
xxxxx
$180 million dollars. It's still an impossible number to wrap her mind around even when everyone keeps saying it over and over. Aubrey sits in a chair, listening to a lawyer go over Amy's will, not saying much at all. What is there to say? Her friend is dead and she's suddenly worth $60 million dollars. Some of it she'll invest, some will go towards their house, some will go into a savings account for future emergencies, some will go to the Bellas' families, and the rest…? Bringing Chloe home with a private nurse. Then there a hiring some private security. After that, she imagines there won't be much left.
She doesn't know how Beca intends to use her money outside of helping with the house and, at the moment, she doesn't really want to know. Chloe's money will be held in an account until she either wakes up or…doesn't. In case of the latter, it will all go to her parents. They'll budget it well if they need to, she's sure.
It will take some paperwork and a few weeks for the money to become available to them for use, but just like that, everything is set. Aubrey signs a few sheets of paper and she's rich. Maybe the tingling in her chest and light-headedness is excitement, but she's almost certain it's anxiety.
Why them? So, they were friends. They shared a bond through A Cappella. But if Aubrey is being completely honest – she wouldn't have left $180 million dollars to any of them. She is going to have to figure out who she would leave it with however – in case they all die. Maybe a music program for underprivileged kids. Or a scholarship to Barden for someone who needs it.
Beca slaps her arm.
She looks up.
"I asked why I'm the one who just did the majority of the talking here," Beca says.
"Are we finished?" Aubrey asks. She looks at the clock where an entire hour has passed since they arrived.
"Yeah." Beca sighs. "Yeah, Aubs, we're done."
xxxxx
After lunch, Aubrey and Julia go to the school. It's an old plain brick building that Aubrey has seen a thousand times. It's not spectacular in the slightest. It reminds her nothing of her own elementary school – located behind high metal gates, up kept to perfection, made of white bricks that were washed before dirt could even touch them. Next to the door, a chewed up piece of pink gum is stuck to the wall – and looks like it has been for quite awhile. She can hear the voices of children outside from around the building, hollering and laughing, and she realizes that she can not daze out here in front of them.
"Are you ready?" Julia asks.
As ready as she'll ever be.