Chapter Two: Secrets Pt. 1 "We've Got Something to Reveal"

Song: "The Lost Art of Keeping a Secret" Queens of the Stone Age

In the dead of night, the conscience bears down upon your every thought and desire. It clutches and burrows within to bring your deepest and best-kept secret to the surface. The thought of it being discovered wracks the body and causes the nightly purge as you hope to God, or Satan, or whoever the hell you may or may not believe in that you can go just one more day tucking away the most important detail of your entire existence.

Butters Stotch walked quietly alongside Kenny McCormick in the cold March afternoon. His best kept secret kept biting and clawing at the front of his mind until he couldn't take it anymore. He had to tell someone. The only person he could trust with something like this would be his best friend.

He wondered if sharing secrets had effects like the stages of grief. He was just afraid to tell Kenny something he tried to deny even to himself. And they had only been best friends for two years; he didn't want to ruin that and go back to being friendless. Even Cartman started treating him slightly better.

"I'm afraid of th-thunderstorms." Butters piped up. Kenny's eyes held a look of confusion and he coughed quietly beneath his hood.

"Lightning?" Kenny asked in a barely audible voice. Butters shook his head. "I hate lightning."

"No, thunder." He responded; suddenly his cheeks felt very hot.

"But lightning fucking kills."

"I don't like loud noises…" Butters trailed off in embarrassment as they approached Stark's Pond after school.

Kenny nodded and sighed heavily before pulling down his hood. His dirty blonde hair was in need of a washing and it always caused Butter's heart to stammer every time he saw it; he wished he could do something to help his friend. But with Kyle, Stan, and himself trying to help as best as they could without making it known Kenny was living far better than most of his other family members. The exception was Karen, who Kenny had said was a frequent stay-the-night guest at the Tucker household.

"I'm afraid of life," Kenny mumbled as his oceanic eyes focused on the icy pond. His cheeks were bright red, which accentuated the faint freckles that dotted along the bridge of his nose and under his eyes.

Butters didn't understand.

"That's kinda different... E-everyone's usually s-s-scared of death, not life. Life is b-beautiful… why're you s-scared of it?" Kenny scoffed and laughed quietly to himself. Butters liked his laugh; it wasn't heard often and it was even rarer for it to not be muffled.

"Butters can I tell you something? And please believe me." Butters nodded; Kenny never lied to anyone except his parents and occasionally the teachers. He knew he would only tell him the truth.

"O-of course, Ken!" Butters chirruped happily against his own twisting nausea and nerves.

The two blondes had stopped walking now. Kenny looked more nervous than Butters had ever seen him and really little. Well, he was little for a twelve year old; he was the shortest in their class but that wasn't his fault. But Butters swore his face looked like a little kid about to cry.

Kenny sat down on the bench at the bank of the pond and pulled at the chewed on strings of his hoodie. Silence enveloped them and the tension was strong. Butters knew this was serious and just placed a hand on Kenny's shoulder.

"I'm not scared of death 'cause I can't die," he confessed with his eyes locked on Butters and his voice quiet so only the younger boy could hear. Butters blinked as he tried to comprehend what his best friend had just told him. He had no clue what to say.

"Well, of c-course you can't. You've g-got a lot to live for a-and to do. But everybody dies…"

Kenny raked a hand through his hair. When he began to pace Butters stood as well and tried to calm him down.

"It's okay, Kenny. I get it, I know-"

"No you don't!" The small boy cried emphatically with clenched fists and the whites of his eyes on fire. "No one does! I die, all the fucking time. At least twice a week. And no one ever fucking remembers. I used to think maybe you did, someone, anyone… but no one notices. I've got the scars. Every single fucking scar. I remember."

Butters had never seen Kenny like this before; so upset, so energetic. His voice was cracking and he was shaking on the spot. His malnourished face was flushed and his eyes were now terribly bloodshot with the blue pools appearing as ice in a lake of fire. But there were no tears; Kenny McCormick never cried.

"W-well if you died I'd notice. I would k-know. You're important to me, Stan and Kyle, your family, and even Cartman… and lots of o-other people too. You're r-real important." Butters felt his heart leap oddly as Kenny shook his head vehemently and pulled his hood back over his face and head.

"Fuck this," Kenny growled with his voice muffled. He knew it as pointless to explain. No one ever believed him. Maybe he was crazy after all; he highly doubted that.

"W-wait… Ken, please!" Butters sobbed and reached for his significantly shorter friend. Kenny hook his head again and started to walk away. "Show me!" The blonde turned and furrowed his eyebrows. Butters knew what that look meant. "You said you had the scars… from dying. C-could you show me?"

"I can't," Kenny murmured distantly. "I'll see you later."

"Please?" The twelve and a half year old visibly sighed and pulled down his hood once more. Shaggy and greasy blonde locks fell over and around his face. Butters stood in front of him and willed himself so very hard to believe Kenny. As his best friend he had to… right?

"I…" Kenny trailed off and lifted his long bangs off from his forehead. Butters could faintly see two round scars on his forehead, a long, faded pink gash that ran from his temple to his neck, and lots of little white tiny mars littered his face and neck, passed the collar of his jacket.

"What are they?" Butters asked as he gulped; his stomach was suddenly felt very weak. How had he not noticed those before now? They were definitely noticeable. He watched Kenny's hands pull at his hood yet refrained from pulling it over his face. Were there more scars he was trying to hide? But he noticed Kenny looked ready to get sick as well, so he took a deep breath and forced a soft, encouraging smile.

"Bullets, claws, teeth, spikes. I've been shot, stabbed, decapitated, eaten, quartered, ran over, buried alive… I've been a zombie, but I always come back. Butters… please, please trust me?"

This was a lot like when he thought Eric died. Only he knew Kenny was alive. But the urgency and sincerity of his voice made the younger twelve year old start to believe in what he was saying. This better not lead him to getting tested again.

"How long h-has this happened? Why? I-I don't get it."

"Ever since I can remember, I dunno. Remember Cthulhu? I found out my parents went to cult meetings and there's this book called "The Necronomicon", and there's immortals. Somehow the cult cursed me, I think. I don't know if there's a way to break it or if I can only break it by dying at the hands of another immortal. I don't understand it much either, but it fucking sucks." Kenny said; he knew it sounded he needed to tell someone. And Kyle threatened to have his mom put him in the hospital for evaluation if he brought it up again. His parents couldn't afford those bills; they couldn't afford anything.

"So y-you're a vampire?!" Kenny shook his head.

"I'm a person, I just can't die. Well I can die but I'm resurrected or whatever."

"So have you gone to heaven then?" Kenny nodded, "hell?" Another nod. "What's it like?"

"I help Satan with relationship problems, he's currently pursuing Hitler but he's being too passive aggressive. I've directed Heaven's army," Butters burst out laughing and Kenny joined in as well and grinned a gap-toothed smile. "I hate purgatory but limbo is worse."

"Kenny?" Butters began, "Don't die anymore okay? I-I may not remember b-but I don't wanna lose my best friend. Ever." The older blonde smiled and patted his back comfortingly. That was something he couldn't promise no matter how much he wanted to. To his surprise, Butters' shoulders wracked with sobs and he hugged him tightly. Kenny hugged back and remained silent. "I-I'm sorry you've g-gone through it alone. I'm s-sorry I've never remembered."

"Just try…" Kenny mumbled as he pulled his arms away from Butters.

An awkward silence fell before them as the sun began to set over the pond. Butters was fighting to believe his best friend was an immortal while Kenny was adjusting to the fact that someone may actually believe him. It was a start.

"Ken?" Butters broke the silent. "Can I tell you a secret?" Kenny nodded. The taller boy took a deep breath and whispered, "I watched porn."

For the first time in years, it seemed, the dark blonde beside him fell into a fit of hysterical laughter. He winced and clutched his side but continued to laugh nonetheless, and Butters noticed a chip in one of his teeth as he giggled.

"Did you get off?" Kenny asked once he tried to compose himself. Yet after he spoke he fell into another bout of snickers. Butters blushed. "Dude, literally every fucking guy in our class has watched porn at least once. Don't freak out."

"B-but my mom will see it a-and…" Butters trailed off then shook his head. "It was g-gay porn…"

This time, Kenny didn't laugh. In fact, his cheeks flared red and he coughed into his hand.

"Did you get off?" He repeated with a smirk. Butters' burning red ears and fish mouth was his answer. "If you're trying to tell me you're gay or bi or whatever the fuck there is today… then I coulda told you that like five years ago."

Butters' jaw dropped.

"Really?!" He grew quiet once more, "I don't know what I am... but I-I'll let you know when I figure it out. If you want. I-I'm sorry I just don't want you to h-hate me. But if you don't w-want to be friends anymore, well... I get it."

Kenny just gave him a blank stare before he rolled his eyes and put his arm over Butters' shoulders.

"I'm not my parents. I don't give a fuck who you wanna fuck. You're still my best friend, Butters." Butters smiled tearfully and hugged Kenny again.

"T-that's another thing, Ken… a-another secret," the shorter boy remained silent and pulled his hands into the cuff of his coat; he had extended the sleeves of his old parka from his curtains. "I don't… I don't r-really like… being called Butters."

"Huh?" Kenny replied as he squinted a little at Butters. "But you've always been Butters… how'd you get that name, anyways?"

"Butters Stotch sounds like butter scotch. And d-dad called m-me Butterfingers and Butterball…. I-I hate it." Kenny grimaced and opened and shut his mouth a couple of times. "Y-you can still call me it. E-everybody does. I just… I-I dunno. It b-bothers me a li'l bit." Kenny nodded; he got it. He didn't like some of the things people called him, either. Yet that was his parents' fault.

"Well, I think it'd be fuckin' weird if I just started calling you Leopold in front of everyone, right? So… how bout it'll be a secret best friend thing?" Butters grinned and nodded enthusiastically. "So, hey, Lee?"

Lee. Butters liked that; he never had the chance to pick out a nickname he'd like to be called. He didn't think he was fit to be called Leo. But Lee was nice.

"Yeah?"

"I just… wanted to say thanks. I… I know it's fucked up but I swear on Karen's life I'm telling you the truth. I just don't want to prove it to you. But try… please fucking try to remember." Butters nodded and smiled warmly.

"Sure thing, Ken."

As the two boys walked silently in the direction of their homes, a weight had been lifted from their shoulders. Tension was still high and thoughts were still confusing, but Butters was prepared for that; he knew all about the awkward feelings and what happens when you reach a certain age. Yet it seemed only a handful of the guys had "hit" that age; Kenny and Stan were both among them.

"And if it helps, I just wanted to say I know for a fact you're not the only one who's watched gay porn." Kenny mumbled. Butters' jaw dropped upon hearing Kenny's words. The blush now crept to his neck and Kenny just smirked; Butters knew that look. He was dead serious.

Someone else. Someone else was going through the same thing he was? He wished he knew who it was; it'd be nice to have someone to talk to. Especially if they had non-accepting parents. But he couldn't get his hopes up; except for the fact that if Kenny knew then they had to be fairly close to each other.

Time would only tell, he decided, and shook his head before starting telling Kenny that James Spader was chosen to play the villain, Ultron, in the second "Avengers" movie and how he was excited for the sequel.