Simple and Clean

by rensrenegade

Chaos and kismet mixed and mingled to create an unavoidable outcome as the two almost innocent boys slept. The bitterness of fate, the oblivion of love, and the wish of destiny held tightly to the two bonds forever sealed. All that was meant to be was forgotten as all that is and should be took its place. And there was nothing the unaware ten year old boys could do.

16. Isn't Something Missing?

Author's Note: I don't have much to say about this one. It's super long though but I didn't really want to split it in two parts like I did with several of my other long ones that are coming up. This one had to stay together. This one was also a long time coming. Heh...

But thank you for all of your favorites, reviews, follows, everything. You guys rock.

Enjoy. :)

Chapter Sixteen: Isn't Something Missing?

Title from "Missing" by Evanescence

---

"Butters, how did you do on your ACT?" Kyle asked, "I got a 32!"

Butters shook his head and smiled weakly. Kyle was a genius, he knew that. But he had been proud of his 27. He worked pretty hard, he understood mostly everything, but Kyle was his competition. It was okay, though. Kyle deserved it. Especially if he was going to end up in medical school.

"I managed a 27," he responded softly. Stan dropped his milk carton as he sat at the lunch table and shook his head.

"The fuck?!" He snapped, laughing incredulously. "I got a 24 and my parents threw me a fucking party!"

Butters took a small bite of his vanilla yogurt yet set it down. He didn't eat much anymore. He never really had an appetite. A part of him was missing, his parents had him in therapy now. But he couldn't explain it. They virtually found nothing wrong with him and he got grounded for begging for attention. For six months.

"That's awesome, guys!" Kyle chirruped, "like, really. You're set for scholarships. Did you ever hear from that scout at the University of Nebraska, Stan?" The black haired boy nodded.

"Yeah, they're looking for a wide receiver but..." Stan trailed off, glancing at the empty spot next to Butters. "I'm thinking about it. They're a Big 10 University and Lincoln isn't so bad..."

"Where else would you go?" Butters asked; he hated Lincoln. Stan shrugged.

"I had a scout from Boulder check me out... Oklahoma State, Northwestern, and Washington, so far. I'm apparently a good prospect." He laughed a little. "I just..." he trailed off as Cartman took the empty spot next to Butters. The small boy scooted away enough for there to be an open space.

There always had to be that fucking empty space. Kyle hated it. It was a blatant slap in the face and he had to get a new bed and didn't sleep in his room for two months.

"I know," Kyle murmured, squeezing Stan's hand from under the table. "Boulder would be the best I think. But Nebraska has a really good medical program too. And Northwestern is pretty good too."

"But you could go to Harvard!" Butters cried, Cartman snorted and murmured something under his breath.

"Well yeah, but I would be way closer to home and I wouldn't have to deal with fucking assholes." Butters sent him a look and Kyle blushed a little.

"W-what'd you get on the ACT, Eric?" Butters asked politely. The stocky boy, who had slimmed down slightly due to also joining the football team last year but quit after breaking his toe, grinned.

"30."

"Dammit!" Stan cried in anguish and slammed his fist down on the table. "How the fuck did you do better than me?!"

"I don't spend my nights getting drunk." Cartman replied, giving Stan a look. The black haired boy rolled his eyes and Kyle looked suspiciously at Cartman and then back at Stan who went back to quietly eating his food.

Butters sighed heavily and looked at the empty spot. Ten months had been too long. Kenny lied. And the fact that he did made him bitter. And Butters hated being bitter. He just wanted... he shook his head and stood up.

"I'm going home," Butters mumbled, giving Stan his barely eaten yogurt. He gladly accepted the offer. Kyle raised an eyebrow at his "Super Best Friend" then turned to Butters.

"You okay?" The blonde nodded and pushed his hands into the pockets of his hoodie. "I'll cover for you," Butters sent him a thankful smile and Kyle nodded.

Today was October 29. Butters hated that specific date and number... 29. It reminded him of December. And he hated December more than anything. He felt tears prickle his eyes yet he shook them off and walked out of the school without even grabbing his bag; he wouldn't have homework for the rest of the day. He grabbed his keys out of his pocket and unlocked his Toyota Camry from the edge of the parking lot. The silver car beeped once and he quickly sneaked into the comfortable car. It smelled like vanilla and was absolutely spotless; it was his birthday present from his parents. Thankfully they hadn't taken it from him when he got grounded.

He turned the ignition and carefully backed out of the parking lot. Out of the pickup trucks, SUVs, and old clunkers, Butters probably had one of the best cars. The two exceptions were Stan and Kyle; Stan had gotten Shelly's old Ford Focus and Kyle had a Hyundai Elantra that was a year old. Cartman had a decent car; a Dodge Neon.

Butters pulled out of the parking lot and drove in silence down the road. He didn't bother with the radio. Usually, he'd plug his iPod into the auxiliary but he didn't really care today. He drove down the quiet streets. Snow had begun to fall, it lightly coated the ground, but it would soon melt away; it was still fairly warm. The leaves had changed and were falling heavily now; autumn was his favorite season. He loved the smell and the crunch of leaves and Halloween.

Butters turned down the block and stopped his car. Turning it off, he stepped out and walked to the entrance to the cemetery. Just like he had visited Karen everyday, he visited Kenny. He told him everything. He asked when he'd be back. He asked for a sign that he heard him. Nothing ever happened.

Kenny was the best and worst friend he had ever had. And no one would ever get that close to Butters again. His best friends were Kyle and Stan but they couldn't come close to the connection he had had with Kenny. He didn't want them to try.

He remembered the sad smiles and the pity everyone had given him. He hated hearing "sorry about your best friend" and "oh my God, Butters, how are you?" Everyone was too nice to him when usually they were all so mean or indifferent. Their fake sympathy disgusted him; he'd rather be alone.

Teachers had taken pity too. For the first couple of months he had straight A's even though he hardly did anything to pass his classes. They never called on him, gave him extensions, and always asked how he was. For awhile he wasn't invisible. Just because he lost his best friend didn't mean he wanted the world to suddenly give a shit.

He knelt down by the gravestone and pressed a kiss to the granite. His finger traced over the name, like always, and the dates carved in stone. It was wrong... so wrong. Kenny was just a boy. Kenny didn't deserve it.

No one knew who had been the one to stab Kenny. At least, no one confessed and there were no witnesses. All he knew was that Kevin was angrier and Stuart hadn't shot up since Kenny had died. He still drank as if the world were ending, but he had lost his wife and one of his children. Both Kevin and Karen seemed rather unusual about the death of their brother. Kevin just remained Kevin, smoking and drinking and wasting his life while Karen had cried for a little while but waited patiently at his grave stone. As if she were expecting him to pop back up from the Earth.

"Kenny... I don't know how much longer I can come visit you." Butters said tearfully. "I keep praying and hoping for a sign... but nothing happens, you liar. And I know me hoping is just wasting my time. I need to move on. I need to... get over you. But you said you'd come back and that gives me hope. It's a vicious cycle that I need to break. I'm doing okay, other than missing you. I got a 27 on the ACT and Kyle shot it out of the water... Stan did good too. Cartman did better. I'm sure you'd do good. You'd do better than Stan too, just to spite him." Butters laughed a little bit and wiped tears from his eyes.

"Karen has got a lead in the play. She's the only freshman in it, too. I think she likes Ike Broflovski... but she hasn't told me. They've started hanging out more though. Mostly because she hangs out with me and I hang out with Kyle. They'd be pretty cute. She's happy though. Kevin is... hanging in there. He has a girlfriend now. I think she's actually good for him because he has been trying to stop using cocaine. I... don't know how your dad, I know from Karen he doesn't do meth anymore... but he's gone a lot. Kevin's been taking good care of Karen. He's looking out for her... but she misses you an awful lot. We all do. Kyle and Stan are actually dating. I mean... not publicly but they got over the whole... what are we? stage and just went with it. They're really happy. It makes me sick."

"Hey," Butters snapped his head back and found Karen standing there with something in her hand. He smiled at the girl who had grown significantly in the past ten months. Her hair was beautifully wavy and layered, thanks to Bebe, and she had also mastered the art of makeup. She didn't wear too much but enough to accentuate her features. She was very skinny but had developed some curve in her early teen years, and thanks to Kevin they now had a daily food supply of more than one toaster pastry. She wore a familiar green sweater and grey skinny jeans. Her eyes were sad.

"Hey," he greeted and Karen sat next to him. He wrapped an arm around her and she leaned into his shoulder.

"How're you?" She asked quietly, twirling the ring on her finger.

"Shouldn't you be in school?" She scoffed and gave him a funny look. "I'm... not good."

"Me either. He... always comes back." Butters tilted his head. "I mean..." silence overwhelmed them both. "Butters?" He glanced at Karen. "Is... Kenny my guardian angel?"

"Hmm?"

"You know... is Kenny... Mysterion?" Butters' face fell as he heard her question.

"Why?" He asked, sounding genuinely curious rather than defensive she sighed heavily.

"Because when Kenny didn't come back right away I asked for my guardian angel to come. And every night since then I've asked for them both to come back home... but... neither of them have." Butters remained silent.

"Well... he could be. I don't really know."

"I ask because... if he isn't..." she trailed off, handing Butters something. He glanced down and stared at a green question mark in the palm of his hand. "I found this on the floor."

The question mark that sat atop Mysterion's cloak. It had to be. It was the right size, it was the right... everything. Of course Kenny probably kept the superhero getup in the closet and it would have probably been stored there. Karen had his room now, so she said, and she'd end up finding it somehow, he was sure of that.

"I want the truth."

"Karen, I can't tell you that."

"Yes you can, Butters. You have to!" She gripped his shoulders with tears in her eyes. "You're the only one who knew Kenny... really knew him. I didn't even. He was... is so protective, too protective. I was scared to tell him things because I knew he'd just be my overprotective older brother. And he's all I've ever had for stability and same with Mysterion and..." she broke down in Butters' arms and he held her tightly. Tears slipped from his closed eyes and he rested his head on Karen's. She understood how he felt. She got how much he hurt.

But he knew Mysterion was Kenny's last way of keeping Karen's innocence. If she didn't believe in guardian angels and someone watching out for her then she didn't need him; Kenny had expressed that to Butters. But Karen would always need Kenny. Just like he did.

He felt a hand on his shoulder and he hugged Karen tighter.

"Hey now, no crying, Kar-bear."

Karen jerked in his arms and gasped.

"Kenny?"

Butters snapped his head to face the direction she was looking and his jaw dropped.

There he was. Kenny-fucking-McCormick. Blonde hair, angular face, 6'4", and looking as if he had grown nearly a year older along with him and every other junior. He wore that stupid orange parka and old tattered jeans. He pulled down the hood and smiled. No missing teeth. No blood.

His heart leaped and sank at the same time. His blood ran hot and cold and a shiver crawled up his spine as he stared at that cheeky smile he hadn't seen for ten months.

"Hey Kar-bear," he greeted. She ran and hugged him tightly. Her piano-hands grabbed at his parka and her head burrowed in his chest as she cried happy tears for the first time in ten months. She murmured incoherently in his shoulder and he just smiled and patted her shoulder as he hugged her tight.

"I've missed you so much..." she whispered, kissing his cheek. Kenny smiled weakly and ruffled her hair.

"I missed you too. You're okay?" She nodded.

"Kevin too... he's doing better." Kenny gave another weak smile and turned to Butters, who hadn't said a word. "Hey, thanks for watching Karen for me. Do you think you can help me with homework?"

Butters blinked once and felt his lip curl in a scowl.

"Homework? You want help with fucking homework?" Butters snapped, then shoved Kenny a little too hard. Kenny lost the color in his face as he was taken aback. "I-I waited ten fucking months for you! Y-You promised me you wouldn't die. And now you're back and... and you act like nothing fucking happened?! I-I can't deal with that, Kenny!" Butters screamed, "FUCK YOU!" tears streaming down his face. Kenny, still hugging Karen, let go and stepped forward.

"Wait, you remember?" Kenny asked with genuine shock in his voice. Butters gave a nod. "No, you don't remember. No one remembers except my family."

"You died exactly ten months ago. A-and now you're here." Butters' anger faded as his hope and anguish mixed and fell in bittersweet tears down his cheek. "How?" He asked shakily, gripping Kenny's parka with fury running through his veins.

"I don't know. Like I said, Lee, I don't know." Kenny responded, grinning from ear to ear, "but you remember? You actually fucking remember?!" Butters nodded and stiffened as Kenny squeezed him in the tightest hug. "Oh my God, I've missed you so much," he whispered, not letting go. Butters hugged him back and tried his hardest to not scream at him and kiss him at the same time. Instead he sobbed, embarrassingly loud, and rested his head on Kenny's shoulder as he clutched that stupid coat.

"W-what the hell is happening?" Butters asked quietly, he heard Kenny laugh. "God, you... you're here. Kenny... you're here!" Kenny nodded and squeezed him tighter as they held each other. "Y-you... you don't know the half of it... missing you. I..." he trailed off as the taller boy kissed his forehead. "I just... seeing you that night. I can't... all I see is you... like that." Kenny shrugged.

"Wanna see the scar?" He asked nonchalantly. Butters pulled away and gave him a disgusted look.

"Kenny no one likes to see your scars!" Karen cried, standing close to him. He smiled at her and shrugged his shoulders.

"Maybe later then..." Butters blushed darkly.

"I just... I grieved for you. I had to... I buried you. We put you in the ground... and... you're here. I cried every night hoping you'd come back. And I was going to give up... but..."

"Here I am, as promised." Kenny mumbled with a smirk. "As always."

"Will... will Kyle and Stan remember?" Kenny shook his head.

"Doubtful. I don't even know how you did. You didn't the other times." Butters tilted his head. "Dude, I died like 100 times before that one." Butters shook his head. "Hit by a car, slipped on ice, washer fell on me, got sick, explosive diarrhea-"

"Ew!" Karen exclaimed, giving her brother a dirty look. He shrugged his shoulders.

"Trust me that was not fun for me, either," he commented back. She sighed heavily and held onto his sleeve. Butters rolled his eyes and laughed quietly.

"Come on, you gotta get home... You're still adjusting." Karen told him, Kenny sighed heavily and nodded. Butters looked at them curiously. "He has to get used to everything being different. I have to fill him in on everything so he's up to date on stuff."

"I-I can help..." Karen smiled sweetly at Butters and nodded.

"That would be great, I don't know what's going on in the life of Style." She murmured, causing Butters to snicker. Kenny tilted his head. "Kyle and Stan." He nodded slowly. He had come up with that name, way back when. It was doubtful that any of them remembered that tidbit of information.

"I'll drive," Butters chirruped and led them both to the car. Karen smiled and ran ahead, claiming she wanted to put her stuff in the trunk. Kenny watched her go then turned to Butters.

"I'm sorry about the whole... dying thing." He murmured, Butters shrugged. "It had been awhile."

"You looked scared." Butters said, Kenny shrugged his shoulders again.

"I guess I was... I don't like dying in front of people. Like that. I mean it's not a big deal if we're walking and a plane falls on me, then it's kinda funny." Butters raised his eyebrows. "It happened."

"I just... missed you. That was the worst... it was awful." He replied, then blushed as Kenny took his hand. Butters relaxed when feeling warmth radiate from the taller boy.

"I'll try harder. You look different." Kenny said, swinging their arms as they walked to the car. Butters blushed a little.

"I-I dunno, I just... is that a bad thing?" Kenny shook his head.

"You just look tired... and sad." Butters' blush darkened. "And older."

"So do you," Kenny smiled and squeezed his hand.

Kenny marveled Butters' car as they approached. He grinned when realizing he could sit in the passenger seat and leaped in. Karen smiled and began texting on her phone; this caused Kenny to be curious as to who she may be talking to. He ignored this when he felt Butters grab his hand.

"Happy belated birthday," Kenny said, glancing at the date on the stereo. Butters just smiled and murmured a quick thanks as he pulled onto the highway.

"Did you go to heaven this time, Kenny?" Karen asked from the backseat. He nodded.

"I don't know," was his quiet reply. Karen furrowed her eyebrows. "I don't know where I was... but I saw mom. It was like that one seen in "Deathly Hallows" where Harry and Dumbledore are at King's Cross and there's that creepy Voldemort baby." Karen giggled and Butters stifled his laughter at Kenny's comparison. "Maybe I was the Voldemort baby..."

They arrived at the McCormick house and Kenny looked at it curiously.

"We've been... trying to clean it up a bit." Karen trailed off and Butters nodded slowly. "After what happened, I've never seen dad like that, Kenny. He just... something snapped. He stopped shooting up that day. He was so high... you know... it's not..." Kenny nodded slowly. Their dad wasn't usually that violent. He probably had had too much in his system and he was still angry at Kenny for not trying hard enough to save their mom and his wife. He hit them, and beat them when he was drunk.

Kenny just figured it was his way of getting even for killing their mom. He never looked at him the same; because he may be the cursed one, but he was their curse as well. And he was Stuart's blatant reminder of who he had lost and who he had to live with. Their dad always thought Kenny was a little different, a little off, and Kenny knew that. Kevin was Stuart's favorite. Karen had been their mom's only daughter, but tried to show equal love for her younger children.

But he knew she had been afraid of what was in him. They both were. His parents didn't blame themselves though.

Kenny shook his head from his thoughts and looked around the yard. While it was still run down and the house was no doubt unfit to live in, the yard looked significantly better. The truck was actually in the garage and there wasn't trash all over the place. They had finally gotten rid of that beat up station wagon and broken fridge that had been "lawn ornaments". The windows and walls had actually been washed, not painted, but it was enough to make it look a little better. Their old dog Garland was gone, replaced by an Australian Shepherd who waited patiently by the cinder block steps.

"C'mere Bunny!" Karen cooed, the fluffy dog ran up to her with lightning speed and wagged its tail happily. "This is the dog Butters got me for Christmas, remember?" Kenny nodded; he had never actually seen the dog before. The shepherd dog pulled her ears back as she approached Kenny and tentatively sniffed his free hand.

"So you named her Bunny?" Karen nodded.

"She likes rabbits... she protected them from a cat when she was little." Karen explained, Kenny scratched behind the dog's ears and she wagged her tail happily. So much for a guard dog, but Karen was happy. "Kev, Kenny's home!"

Butters tensed at the gruff voice and Kenny peered in the house curiously. There was new... everything. Except the television. They had gotten a new couch and a couple of chairs and a better coffee table. Rugs covered the stains and the cracks in the wall were sealed with plaster patches and putty. It was a start. A very good start.

"I swear to fuckin' God if you pull that bullshit again yer ass is mine, ya little fucker," Kevin barked, coughing in his sleeve before wrapping his brother in a one armed hug. Butters was confused; how could they be so nonchalant about Kenny's sudden appearance?

Then again, he was probably dying all the time so they had gotten used to it. After awhile, his deaths probably got annoying. But never to him. He'd make sure Kenny never died again.

"I'm not even fucking gay, dude." Kenny responded, causing Kevin to burst out laughing.

"So he flipped his shit for no fuckin' reason? Jesus Christ, kid!" Kevin shook his head and walked into the kitchen, still laughing to himself. The house was warm and there was light; if their dad was off the rock and Kevin continued a legit job then maybe they had a chance. "Dad went to Arizona for a deal. He'll probly be back by the end of the week so 'til then I'm the boss man." Kevin said as he re-entered the room. "I got a job with a contracting company and workin' part time at a car shop. It's not much but it pays better than anythin' we've ever seen." Kenny nodded and clapped his brother on the back. The brown haired young man turned to Butters and tilted his head; it must have been a McCormick trait. "The fuck? Is that you, Butters? I haven't seen you for a long ass time."

Slowly, timidly, Butters nodded and Kevin nodded a brotherly greeting.

"So to wrap up my life since you been gone I got off the snow but I'm still lightin' up, can't take the pot from the kid. I have my jobs, and I got a girlfriend. So I'm pretty fuckin' busy. Half the time the old man an' I ain't even here but Karen is usually with Butters or over at the Brof's so she's okay, right, girlie?" Karen nodded and smiled softly at Kevin. They were never too close, but they loved each other all the same. Kenny was sure that in his absence his older brother had stepped up; it was obvious he had. "And now I'm goin' to sleep. See ya in the mornin', faggot." He finished, then snickered which turned into a yawn.

"G'night Kev," Kenny mumbled as the brunette ran into his room.

Butters swore that was one of the weirdest family moments he had ever seen. So dysfunctional yet... so close. Like a clan. It was so bizarre and he didn't understand; he wasn't sure if he wanted to. But they seemed happy.

Karen went to the kitchen and returned with two glasses of water and a Sprite; Kenny's favorite had been Dr. Pepper until that awful foster care stint. She handed Kenny the Sprite. He stared at the can in awe.

"Here's what you need to know... you're in the middle of your junior year of high school. You're probably in some tougher classes so get a tutor because you're not dropping out. You also have to take the ACT in December. I will make you. Not much has happened here since you've been away but Stan's parents are thinking about separating so he's in a bad place right now. By the time you get to school no one is going to even remember you were gone. You know the drill, just nod and laugh."

"Yup, I taught you that."

Butters had seen that before. A lot of times when they were younger Kenny never spoke; he just nodded and laughed and remained quiet as everyone talked about things. Did he not understand their inside jokes? Did he feel left out? Suddenly, Butters felt awful for not realizing Kenny's... situation... and realized he probably felt like as much of an outsider as he had. Maybe that's why they were so close.

"Right? Cartman's still a douche. Bebe's head cheerleader. Wendy is school president even though she's a junior. Ike skipped another grade so he's in my class now and I'm sure he'll skip at least one more. Umm... what else do you want to know?"

"What movies are out now?" Kenny asked.

"Uh... movies. Butters...?"

"Not any good ones. JK Rowling announced a new Harry Potter movie. Not too many great ones. They're making too many "Hunger Games" like books and movies so it's getting old really fast. I finally saw that movie Cannibal! The Musical you told me about, too."

"Music?"

"Music sucks. All of the bands I listen to are changing or dying out and it's dumb." Kenny grimaced and sighed heavily.

"Figures."

"Stan and Kyle are dating. It's not public though but between the four of us, y'know? And Karen too. When we're alone they're really... open about it. But Wendy knows too, she was actually really happy for them."

"What do you mean by 'open'?" Kenny asked curiously as he rubbed his temple.

"They don't mind making out in front of me. I guess Kyle's a really good kisser." Kenny chuckled softly.

"At least they finally got their heads outta their asses," the blonde replied.

"Mhmm... and Stan is being scouted by Oklahoma State, the University of Nebraska in Lincoln, Northwestern, and Washington. Kyle made an app so he's got people from different software companies talking to him. And he wants to go where Stan goes even though he could go to Harvard or somethin'," Kenny chuckled lightly and looked curiously at Karen as she led them to his old room.

"I'm in Kevin's room for the time being, he took mom and dad's, 'cause dad usually just sleeps on the couch. But I'll move back in here... if that's okay." Kenny just gave her a questioning look, as if she really thought it would bother him. "That'll probably be in a week. Considering you're... adjustment period and all... Anyway, I'm going to go make dinner. I'm sure you're starving."

"Make?" Kenny asked bluntly. They never had enough money to make anything, let alone toast the pop tarts they had in their possession. But Karen beamed happily at her brother and pointed to Kevin's room.

"We've slightly upgraded from pop tarts and thawed waffles... boxed mac and cheese!" She chirruped.

"With real milk?" Kenny asked excitedly. Butters' heart sank at the question and his enthusiasm for something so common. Karen stuck her tongue out and shook her head as Kenny's smile fell.

"Non-dairy instant creamer. It lasts longer but has the same stuff in it. Besides, the fridge is broken still." Kenny sighed heavily and pouted; Butters had never seen him like this. Was this what he was always like when coming back? Or was this how he was with Karen?

"I can go get some milk if you want." Butters offered. Both McCormicks shook their heads and smiled.

"He's just being a baby," the brunette girl responded as she smiled affectionately at her older brother.

"I'm growing!" He fought back; Karen rolled her eyes and lightly hit Kenny on the back of the head before running to the kitchen.

Butters looked at Kenny and couldn't help but wonder if that was true. But he did look adorable right now. He wore a genuinely dejected, yet happy, expression on his face and he radiated innocence which was weird considering it was... Kenny. He looked different, both younger and the same and it was surreal for Butters to see. It was as if every age he had ever lived was trying to be expressed on one face. His eyes showed the most difference; they were wide and happy.

"I forgot how much you liked milk," Butters said with a smile as Kenny flopped onto his bed. The ash blonde teen nodded.

"It's my favorite. Probably because I never freaking get it." Butters smiled sadly.

"I'll get you milk every day at lunch?" Kenny snorted and turned to face Butters with a soft smile.

"So are you getting the hell out of here too?" Kenny asked, "or are you sticking around here for college?"

"I want to go to a fine arts school but mom and dad would be upset. So I'll probably go to Boulder. I'd love to go to Rochester but... that'll never happen. What about you?" Kenny laughed out loud.

"I am so fucking far behind on school I'll probably just go in tomorrow and drop out." Butters shook his head. "That way I can work full time."

"You promised Karen and I you wouldn't do that," Butters countered and Kenny sighed heavily.

"It may seem like I've been there to every one else... but I haven't. And I'm gonna go in there and be completely fucking lost on all the homework and shit and how the hell can I start Advanced Algebra Two or whatever the fuck I'm taking...? I'll fail."

"I'll help you!"

"Besides I'd probably end up at a community college and get some shitty technical job."

"If you could go anywhere and do whatever you wanted, what would you do? Where would you go?" Kenny shrugged.

"Uh... I dunno. Graphic design is cool 'cause I like digital art and making stuff. But being a radio DJ would be cool too. But I have more of a digital art portfolio than any broadcasting time or whatever..." Butters nodded.

"Do you have any work here that you've done?" The taller blonde nodded and looked around his room. To Butters' shock he rolled right from his bed and onto the floor with a loud thud. Quickly, he pulled up the old rug and the loose floorboard. After grabbing what he searched for, he laid everything back as if he had never touched it. In his hand was a purple bag.

He handed Butters a full folder from the bag and dug around in it some more. He pulled out a little baggie full of green stuff Butters slightly recognized as marijuana. "Woohoo!" the lanky boy cried happily as he pulled out an empty Pabst Blue Ribbon can with a couple of small holes poked through the aluminum.

Butters flipped through the folder. Several sketches and drawings caught his eye. Apparently Kenny's main media was Sharpie. He shook his head and smiled. The seemingly disorganized scribbles and lines formed a unique art style that was so Kenny... and so good. Faces, scenes, and endless patterns met his eye and in the weirdest way they looked so real. A sketch of Karen, in pencil and charcoal, Butters wouldn't doubt it was the charcoal used to grill, was next, then an oil pastel drawing of Stan and Kyle in only colors of red, orange, blue, and green, then a small pencil drawing of Bebe flipping him off, and... Butters blushed.

"Is that me?" He asked, holding up a printed digital art piece. A boy with bright blonde hair, sky blue eyes, pale skin with pink cheeks who looked just like Butters looked as if he were laughing. Kenny took a look and nodded.

"Yeah, that was last year when Stan was imitating Cartman the whole night and you were laughing like crazy." Butters' cheeks grew darker.

"It's really good," Kenny smiled softly and shrugged his shoulders.

"You can keep it, this one is my favorite." Kenny replied nonchalantly as he held up a printout of a bird's eye view of...

"That's South Park?" Butters asked in shock; Kenny nodded again. "Holy buckets, there's like... everyone in this picture!" The blonde shook his head in disbelief. "This is amazing!"

"Thanks, want it?" Butters shook his head. He loved it but he couldn't take it from Kenny. Not if it was his favorite.

"I wouldn't..."

"I can just print another copy, dude. No worries."

"Ah, gee, thanks Ken. Can I... can I ask you a question?" Kenny nodded and rested his head on his arms. "Do you like... physically change at all when you come back or are you just the same? Do you feel weird? Does anything change in your personality? And do you really get hungry?" The ash blonde boy burst out laughing and looked at Butters in amusement. He sat up and rested his hands on his knees.

"I've had differences when I come back but nothing major. Sometimes my dominant hand changes but I think I'm pretty much ambidextrous now because of that. My hair changes too sometimes, it's been lighter or darker and one time it was like an orangey-blonde-ish red. But usually it's this color." Kenny pointed to the shaggy honey-ash colored hair at the top of his head. "Um... but other than that I think I'm physically the same. Never noticed a difference. I guess it feels weird if it's been this long. I've only been gone this long one other time and... that was when Cartman went crazy for stem cell research. Usually it's just a 24 hour period but the longer I'm gone the... weirder it is. Usually I just wake up and feel like I got the best sleep ever. A week I feel kind of out of it and fuzzy headed for a few hours. Now... I feel really weird. Like... everything is new. It's kinda like that show Karen watches with Ruby where there's that time traveler and he regenerates or whatever..."

""Doctor Who"?" Butters asked, Kenny nodded.

"Yup, that one. It's kinda like that. I feel like I have new senses and taste buds and I'm like aging all at once. That'll stop soon." Kenny paused for a moment. "My personality hasn't ever changed. I'm just the same ol' Kenny. And yes, I'm starving. Do you want to stay over?"

Butters was still trying to process all of the information Kenny had provided and then the fact he just asked him to stay the night as if... well it wasn't a big deal but then Butters would have to ask his parents and go through a lecture.

"I dunno, I mean I'd like to but my parents have stupid rules so I'd have to ask them." Butters replied, his heart twinged as Kenny's face visibly fell slightly, making him look even littler.

"Okay, that's cool. Do you wanna stay for dinner at least? I know it's not much but..."

Butters actually shook his head as he looked sadly at Kenny. Everyone always opted for Stan and Kyle's house; even Butters' a couple of times. Of course, Kenny probably wanted to get as far away from his house as possible so maybe it wasn't a big deal to his best friend. Seeing the disappointment on Kenny's face caused his heart to ache, though.

"Yeah, I can stay for dinner. I'll text and ask my mom if I can stay the night. Could we go to my house quick?" Kenny nodded and smiled brightly.

The two left Kenny's bedroom and told Karen they would be back in a little while. Instead of walking, they drove to Butters' house. He smiled when realizing his parents weren't home. He raced to his room, with Kenny behind him, and quickly packed an overnight bag. After double checking to make sure he had his toothbrush and contacts case, he texted his mom to let him know he was staying at Kenny's house; he didn't even bother to ask. He would ignore her calls. Besides, he was already grounded; they couldn't do much worse to him.

Before he left, however, he dragged Kenny into the kitchen.

"Close your eyes and open your mouth." Butters told him, causing the taller blonde to smirk.

"With pleasure, babe." Kenny teased, Butters' cheeks heated as he poured a glass of milk and put a straw in the glass. He was right, Kenny was still Kenny. Nothing would ever change. He didn't realize how much he missed his perverted remarks; of course they would get old but... they were Kenny.

"Now close your mouth." Kenny did as he was told and furrowed his eyebrows. "Suck." He laughed with his mouth around the straw and took a sip of the milk. His eyes opened and he grinned at Butters. He winked momentarily before hollowing his cheeks and taking the biggest gulp he could muster.

Butters had seen that look, in the darkest night in his deepest dreams, and he felt his heart skip a beat. He grabbed onto the counter and averted his attention from Kenny; he couldn't let his hormones get the best of him. He had them under slight control now, and that was incredibly difficult to do.

Kenny quickly finished the drink and rinsed the glass. After setting it by the other unwashed dishes, he squeezed Butters in a hug.

"Thanks, dude. I know it's stupid but..." Butters shook his head and held Kenny in the embrace still.

"Not stupid, I really like green tea but I don't have it a lot either so I get it." His situation was completely different from Kenny's but... he had to say something to make him feel better. It apparently worked, because he saw Kenny grin toothily as he pulled away from him.

"Well, I'll have to try that sometime. And I know I only have a black and white TV and I don't really have any video games but... we can still do something. Karen and I usually play board games when we're bored. She likes Candyland. Kevin's favorite was always that Rat Race game, and I always liked to play Blind Man's Bluff. Like when you stayed over that one time?"

"Sounds fun, and I can bring my laptop too." Butters replied chipperly. Kenny nodded and pocketed his hands in his parka. "Hey, why don't we surprise your brother and sister?" Butters suggested, causing Kenny to tilt his head. "I-I mean, mac and cheese sounds great but I don't think it's real fitting for your return. And I'm really craving beef stew and it's a perfect night for it. I have most of the ingredients but we might have to stop over at the grocery store." Kenny shrugged.

"It's not a big deal, Lee," Butters crossed his arms and gave Kenny a look.

"It is to me, c'mon," The smaller blonde dragged Kenny by the cloth of his parka. He sighed heavily and took the items Butters grabbed from the cupboards and freezer. Well, we just need potatoes. See? Not a big deal."

Kenny looked uncomfortable but nodded. He carried the bag of ingredients to the car and waited for Butters to get in before he sat in the Toyota. Butters looked at him curiously, knowing something was wrong but didn't want to push, and put a hand on his shoulder.

"You alright?" He asked and the ash blonde nodded, smiling weakly.

"Never better," Kenny responded and picked at the skin around his thumbnail. Butters sighed and shrugged his shoulders before turning on the radio. A song by Of Montreal and Kenny looked slightly interested at the radio.

"Is that the original stereo?" He asked, Butters nodded and he grinned, "that's awesome. Good speakers and subs. How's the heat?"

"Really hot," Butters told him and turned the knob to "high." Kenny stuck his hands in front of the vents and smiled contentedly. He curled his legs up onto the seat and rested his hands on each of his knees. In the weirdest way he did look comfortable, but small. His eyes were closed and as Butters parked at the store he realized he was asleep. It confused Butters as to how he could be tired but... he didn't understand the process. He didn't even understand how he was "okay" with talking to his best friend after ten months of grief. Or the fact that up until an hour ago he was dead. Everything seemed to begin to fade from his memory, but he remembered all the same. The fogginess eased his pain, however, and found himself feeling mostly overjoyed at being with him again.

Butters let him sleep in the car and quickly bought a five pound bag of potatoes; his parents could use them too. He smiled at the clerk and handed her an extra dollar for her nice customer service; she looked very appreciative. He figured she deserved it and he wasn't going to miss a dollar.

Butters put the bag of Russet potatoes next to the paper bag from his house. Kenny's forehead was pressed against his knees as he slept and a light snore came from his parted mouth. Butters smiled adoringly and sighed heavily.

Honestly, the first thing he had wanted to do when he saw Kenny was kiss him. But Kenny seemed different. And that put him off. Perhaps it was just temporary as he got used to this whole "being back" thing. He never noticed him like this, then again he had been unaware he ever died and didn't exactly... believe that he did. He had never seen it since Kenny had brought up the subject. But now... he felt extremely guilty for doubting his best friend and he didn't understand how everyone else could just forget.

As Butters sat in the driver's seat, he brushed back Kenny's long hair from his forehead. He felt extremely warm, almost feverish, but he looked fine. Kenny was always a toaster, anyway. Even if he was cold, he was warm to everyone else. It was bizarre. Unable to help himself, he stroked his thumb over Kenny's cheek. His skin was soft and smooth, yet marred with scars that made small grooves and raised his skin. They lay right along his jaw, and looked like two claw marks. As he looked back at Kenny's closed eyes, Butters jumped and pulled back his hand in alarm.

His eyes, in fact, were not closed. But wide open as they stared up at Butters in a way he had only seen on puppies or in horror films. But the fact that those blue orbs were watching him and he remained silent and still...

"Hamburgers, Ken!" Butters cried, laughing nervously, "I-I'm sorry, I just..." Kenny smirked at him from his bent position and blinked slowly. He didn't look innocent now. He looked like... Kenny.

"Just... what?" He asked, faking innocence. He knew exactly what Butters was going to say.

"I just... wanted to feel you, know you were really here and I wasn't going crazy."

"Happen often?" He teased, Butters shrugged his shoulders. Kenny sighed and lifted his head from its bent position. He popped his neck; Butters cringed at the cracking noises his bones made.

"Not really..." Kenny smirked once again and put his hand on top of Butters', which rested on the gear shift.

"I know it's weird. I'm not used to anyone remembering but... you don't know what it means to me that you actually do. And you're going out of your way for a fucking sleepover." Kenny added, glancing in the backseat. The bright blonde boy remained silent; the least he could do was remember. After all, they were best friends. He didn't understand how anyone could forget.

The blood and Kenny's laugh and the way he felt beneath him... the way his kisses grew nonexistent and his body became limp and vacated... seeing him lifeless had scarred him. He hadn't slept for a week and nearly every night he had nightmares. He couldn't ever forget that. Even if Kenny never died again, and years went by and he was always there... he'd still see those glassy eyes and the blood on his shirt.

"Stop thinking about it," Kenny surfaced him from his drowning thoughts. Butters exhaled the breath he hadn't known he was holding and met Kenny's gaze. "I'm gonna shower quick when we get back... but then I'll help you cook. I've never really done it but... I can figure out something to do."

"You don't touch the knives. Or anything sharp." Kenny nodded. "And you don't reach for anything or climb to get anything-"

"Why would I have to climb?" Butters rolled his eyes and turned the key in the ignition.

They arrived back to the Kenny's house and, as he said, Kenny went to shower. Karen had lost the macaroni and cheese to Kevin, who had woken up from his nap when smelling food, and was quite happy they had planned something else. Butters asked for as much of her help as possible so Kenny wouldn't have to be in the kitchen; he didn't want him getting hurt somehow... or anyhow. Kenny was unlucky and he didn't want to see him get killed again.

"Butters?" Karen asked as she diced potatoes like an expert. Home economics must have done the trick for her. "Do you like Kenny?"

He wasn't sure what to say; he thought his feelings were obvious. Especially to her. But, if she didn't know then she at least deserved to. So, he nodded.

"He likes you too, he told me. But don't tell him I told you because I broke our code." Butters blushed and smiled at Karen a little; he and Kenny had this conversation long ago. A part of him wondered what would have happened if Kenny hadn't died that night. If he showed up... would they be dating now? If so, they would be together longer than Kyle and Stan.

He was also well aware of Kenny's reputation but he didn't think he'd kiss people like that if he didn't have feelings for them. "I think you'd be really cute, and you'd compliment each other really well. I know he's a little crazy, but he means well. Being outgoing and... adventurous is his way of venting I guess. I'm the opposite. But I know that he needs you. You're like Stan and Kyle but... different. But like them you can't have you without him. I saw it and it didn't work. I just... think you're the best thing that's ever happened to Kenny. No matter if you're boyfriends or just best friends. He needs you."

Butters felt his lip tremble and he hugged Karen in a sibling-like hug. She wrapped her arms tightly around him and kissed his cheek. He could feel her ribs in her petite frame and grimaced but said nothing.

"I love you, Butters," she whispered, smiling warmly up at him. He laughed quietly and kissed her forehead.

"I love you too, Karen."

They understood each other. They got each other through those miserable ten months. That was something he would never forget. He knew there was a bond between them that, like Kenny, no one would understand. No one wore the grief like they had.

"If you don't kiss by the end of the night though I will force it," she murmured with the famous McCormick smirk. "Now, do you want me to drain the tomatoes?"

By the time Kenny got out of the shower all of the ingredients had been mixed and now the stew was cooking. He walked out in a pair of old flannel pajama pants and a grey t-shirt. His hair was dripping wet and he already looked more like the Kenny he had lost ten months ago. Most of the crossing of ages stopped by now, which was a relief to Butters.

"The fuck? I wanted to help!" He barked, Butters and Karen just gave each other a knowing look and smiled at Kenny innocently. "Well, anyways it smells great. Best smell this pit has ever had, I'd say." Karen snorted and sank onto the old couch comfortably. Butters sat next to her and Kenny took the floor in between their feet.

"I hate to break it to you but we have homework," Butters murmured, causing Kenny to groan loudly and move to hit his head on the back of the couch. Before his head made contact, the younger boy placed his leg where Kenny's head would smack. He looked behind and sighed heavily.

"What do I have to do?"

"Find a poem from the Romantic period and read it out loud tomorrow. Then there's an essay involved. Tomorrow night is also the homecoming football game."

"Am I still on the team?" Karen nodded, "fucking hell."

"And Saturday is the dance! I'm going, Ruby is letting me borrow a dress." Kenny furrowed his eyebrows as he slowly turned to face his sister.

"You can only go if you have a date..." he trailed off. She gave him a look and his fist clenched. "Who is it?" He asked in a tense voice. Butters put a hand on his shoulder.

"Ike, we're going as friends because we both wanted to go. He's picking me up... but Kyle is driving us."

"With Stan..." Butters trailed off, "as friends though," he added with a wink. Kenny nodded slowly. "They just couldn't find anyone else to go with, it was such a shame..."

"You should go!" Karen chirruped to her brother. Kenny scoffed.

"I hardly even know what grade I'm in, I'm not going to a stupid dance," he grumbled as he crawled to fidget with the television. Static came through and he hit it a couple of times. The news played in fuzzy grayscale. "I'll probably just call in sick tomorrow so I don't have to play the game."

"You can't, you're nominated for homecoming king."

Kenny's jaw dropped as his sister spoke. "You got popular because you're the wide receiver..."

"You're going up against Stan, you're the only juniors except for Token." Butters added more information. Kenny nodded slowly.

"So I have to go to the dance?" Karen nodded.

"You should take Butters!" She chirruped and nudged the boy next to her who suddenly paled. He hadn't been planning on going to the dance, either. He was just going to watch movies and read until he fell asleep. He'd go to the football game, of course, but dances weren't his thing. He hadn't gone to any of the homecomings or formals.

"Uh... uh no, that's okay." Kenny shook his head and smirked devilishly at him. Butters tried to shrink into the couch. "Honest, I-I..." The taller boy got on his knees in front of him and reached for his hand. With a dramatic flare, and trying not to laugh, he held his hand in a posh manner, and bowed.

"Leopold, will you go to homecoming with me? And if I win homecoming king then fuck the queen, you're dancing with me. And you're going to like it." Butters' mouth opened and closed as he fought for words. Kenny was serious. He actually just asked him to homecoming. "And we're gonna show South Park something it's never even thought of... okay?" His cheeks heated as he caught Kenny's eyes.

"I-I guess..." he trailed off hesitantly. What would everyone think? His parents would find out. Everyone would say things and make comments and... he shook his head. Fuck it. Fuck them. Kenny was his best friend and if Kenny wanted to do this, Butters did too. "It sounds great," he added more confidently. "I'll get us matching boutonnieres." The dark blonde boy nodded and squeezed his knee.

Soon enough dinner was ready and Kevin conveniently woke up in time to eat. All of them talked around the coffee table as they ate. Their chatter was mostly to help Kenny catch up on the happenings in South Park and the world. A couple of times he felt Kenny's bare foot brush up against his and he jumped when feeling Kenny's left hand take his right hand in his own. But he passed it off as his back itching and squeezed Kenny's hand gently.

He remained silent about how much they ate; he knew it would be the biggest, and probably best, meal they had eaten in a long time. Which was why he had doubled the recipe. Kevin ate the fastest and the most; four bowls were inhaled within twenty minutes. Butters was pretty sure he had a food coma as he lay on the ground, nearly passed out with the first genuine smile on his face any of them had ever seen. Karen only had two bowls and ate daintily. She seemed almost nervous as she picked at the vegetables and sipped the broth. Kenny managed to fill his bowl with mostly potatoes and broth the first time around, then ate one more regular bowl. He tried to control how fast he ate but considering how starved he was he still wolfed it down; Butters understood. He was just happy they liked it; and it actually was good. He actually had two servings himself.

Karen cleared the old bowls and set them in the sink. Kenny was leaning on the couch, clutching his uncommonly full stomach and talking non-stop to a sleeping Kevin. Butters sat next to him and knocked his knee with his. He smiled crookedly at him and nudged his leg back. They repeated this for quite some time until Karen stood up from her curled perch on the couch.

"Kenny, can I go to Ike's for a little bit? We have a project due tomorrow." Karen chirruped, he shrugged his shoulders and looked at Butters momentarily before nodding.

"Be back by 10:00," he added before she shut the door; of course she wouldn't abide by it. There was no such thing as a curfew in their house. Kenny sighed and turned back to Butters. "Does she hang out with him a lot?" Butters nodded.

"Kyle says Ike has a crush on her but is afraid to do anything about it."

"Why?"

"Because he's two years younger than her. And because of you," Butters responded, causing Kenny to smile smugly. "And Kevin too, but... he's seen you beat people up and it's not pretty." He felt uneasy at the happiness Kenny was radiating but didn't say anything. "Do you want to watch a movie? I brought a couple movies. Or we could play games too like you said."

"Sure, whatever you want. I'm gonna have a smoke though, kay?" Kenny asked, pulling out a homemade cigarette. But as Butters looked at it closer he realized it wasn't tobacco but pot. Hesitantly, he nodded; he didn't want to go home with the smell of that on his clothes but he was sure there was nothing else he could do. He watched curiously as Kenny lit the end of the joint and took a deep inhale. Something about him seemed to relax at that point, as if he needed the smoke. Marijuana wasn't addictive, Butters knew that, but he seemed desperate.

But the way he looked with his pupils dilated and so relaxed intrigued Butters. He wasn't in an altered state, he was just same old Kenny, except he looked open.

"Can I try?" Butters asked finally; he couldn't believe those words came from his mouth. Kenny blinked and peered at the shorter boy curiously, unsure what to do. "I-I..." his hands shook as he was handed the joint.

"Put it in your mouth and take in a few breaths but not big. You'll cough. Then hold it until you can't hold it anymore." Butters did as he was told and felt the smoke burn his throat and lungs. It smelled and tasted weird. Really weird. But it wasn't bad like cigarettes; he hated the thickness of cigarette smoke. It felt nice.

Soon the two were passing the joint back and forth and talking. Butters' mind was slowly losing focus but gaining... something. He couldn't tell what. He just felt like nothing could bother him. All of the stress was relieved from his shoulders and the smell of the pot was strangely comforting. No wonder Kenny did this.

"Ken... I want a taco." Butters announced after who knows how much time had passed. Kenny raised his lip slightly in acknowledgment.

"You feeling okay?"

"Wonderful! I just want a taco. They're speaking to me." Kenny chuckled and looked at the clock; 8:58 p.m.

"Taco Bell? I'm feeling a Baja Blast,"

"Those cinnamon crunchy things... and ice cream. We need ice cream, Kenny. And tacos."

"Can you drive?" Butters looked at his hands and felt his head swim slightly. He shook his head. "Would you let me drive?"

"If I get tacos then you can do whatever you want." Butters blurted, Kenny's eyes widened, and he handed him the keys to his car. Normally he wouldn't have let Kenny but now... now he didn't care. Fuck it if his parents found out; they did enough crazy shit. Why couldn't he just be a normal kid for once? If this was normalcy then he wanted it all the time.

Kenny sat in the driver's seat and turned on the car. He grinned as he patted the steering wheel and wiggled a little in the seat. Soon, after Butters fumbled with the seat belt they were off down the road.

"We're going to Frisco, that's like the closest Taco Bell."

"Frisco's a good cat name. Like Felix... but frisky." Kenny snickered quietly as Butters rambled to himself.

Butters stared at the dashed yellow lines on the road and giggled quietly to himself. As Kenny slowed down slightly, he tilted his head.

"What's so funny?"

"Have you ever noticed the lines in the highway are like Pac-Man? Like... whacka whacka whacka..." Butters repeated the "Pac-Man" sound repeatedly as Kenny drove. The high boy shook his head at his higher companion and covered his mouth to hide the fact he was laughing at him, and not with him.

"Dude, you're so baked," Kenny snorted as he gave up and burst out laughing. Butters giddily giggled and laid his head on his best friend's shoulder.

"I feel so happy! Ken we should do this all the time. Kyle too. He needs to get that stick outta his ass."

"I'm sure Stan's more than a stick..." both boys fell into fits of laughter that wracked their bodies and caused tears to stream from their eyes. "But I agree, he's too uptight." Butters nodded on Kenny's shoulder.

"You have pretty eyes. Like frost on windows... or frosty skies. But... deep. Like I could swim in them."

"Oh, yeah?" Kenny purred. It sent shivers down his spine and he felt his stomach tingle in a very familiar way.

"You're the saddest song I've ever heard because you're so happy with the simple things even I take for granted and you're just so beautiful... your name rolls of the tongue like... Romantic poetry."

"Lee, you're making no sense."

"But I am, you see? You make no sense to me. But I understand you completely."

Kenny remained silent. His smile had faded and his knuckles were white as they clutched the steering wheel. Butters was comfortable in the silence. Except he wanted music. He flipped on the stereo and a top 40s pop song played through the radio. He hummed quietly along with it as he drummed his hands on his thigh.

"Do... do you know what you want?" Kenny asked in a hoarse voice, then pointed to the drive-thru menu.

"Hi, welcome to Taco Bell, may I take your order?"

"A cool ranch Doritos Locos Taco box, a crunchwrap supreme, and two churros." Kenny's jaw dropped momentarily but shrugged.

"Hola seniorita, buenos noches!" He chirruped in a voice that sounded like he was on helium. Butters threw his head back as he laughed uncontrollably. Kenny was laughing with his mouth closed.

"That's an Indian accent with Spanish..."

"I'm a Spinach!"

"I'm Popeye the Sailor Man..." Butters sang, then burst out into hysterical laughter. Kenny snorted and cleared his throat. "What did you want again?" The order was relayed again, and this time Kenny spoke in that same chipmunk-y voice Butters couldn't figure out.

"All right, that'll be $13.27 at the first window," the drive-thru clerk replied. She gave Kenny and Butters an odd look as she took the $20 bill Butters had handed to Kenny, then shrugged and gave them the bag of food and the 16 ounce drink.

"Have a good night!" Kenny chirruped uncharacteristically and winked before peeling out of the drive-thru lane and onto the main road. After driving a quarter of a mile he slammed the brake at the stoplight. Horns honked and he slowly drove through the light; he flipped off everyone that passed him.

"But that was totally illegal..." he murmured to himself, now flipping off the truck that was driving nearly bumper to bumper. Butters shook his head as he chowed down on his food.

"No, it was green... green means go."

"Oh, right..."

"And yellow is gun it," he giggled, then choked as a Doritos crumb went down his throat the wrong way and he grimaced.

"Can I have a sip?" He asked in a strangled voice, Kenny nodded and focused on the lines in the highway. As they got onto the open road, he drove straight in the middle so Butters could play Pac Man. This seemed to occupy his attention for a few minutes, until cars began to pass them.

"Y'know, I"m surprised you got high, most people don't the first time. Like I just felt really bad... then again I was seven so..." Butters shrugged.

"I love this stuff, sell me some." Kenny shook his head.

"No, it's leverage for you to hang out with me," he teased, then poked Butters' nose. The bright blonde gave him a look and took his right hand in his.

"I always wanna be with you, Ken," he whispered softly and kissed his cheek. He heard the older boy gasp softly in a hitched breath and his widely dilated eyes turned to look at Butters. All he could see was black, no cerulean, and he felt his cheeks heat. Kenny smiled softly and he pressed his foot on the break... or was it the gas pedal? Butters inhaled a shaky breath and he closed his own blown eyes as he lifted his head from Kenny's shoulder. Their lips were millimeters apart when a horn blared loudly, pulling them out of their moment. A pair of bright lights glared in the windshield caused Kenny to swerve and swear under his breath as he veered back into the right lane. He then pulled over to the side of the road and ran a hand through his ever-messy hair. Death was fine but not with Butters.

As he regained his composure, he glanced at the smaller blonde who was laughing hysterically.

"I think that guy shit his pants," he choked between laughs, Kenny shook his head and chuckled in disbelief. Normal Butters would be hyperventilating and probably crying. But high Butters was a completely different story. He kind of really liked high Butters; he was completely carefree.

"I have never felt so adrenalized... is that even a word?"

"Yes," Kenny breathed in a quiet chuckle. He wasn't sure though.

"When we get back let's go to Stark's Pond!" Kenny shrugged and nodded; school be damned. "We can look at the stars like we used to, that was always so much fun..." he trailed off and laid back down on Kenny's shoulder. The dark blonde boy sighed heavily and smiled contentedly as he began to drive once more.

They arrived nearly forty minutes later without nearly dying. Butters ran to their spot, a jutted out bank on the north side with an oak tree nearby. Kenny joined him and laid down, just like they used to.

"I'm still hungry," Butters murmured. Kenny offered his drink; he shook his head.

"Well you have another churro..."

"I got it for you, they're delicious."

"We can split it," Kenny suggested, "I'm not really hungry." Butters smirked.

"Only if we do it Lady and the Tramp style." Kenny rolled his eyes and smiled weakly.

"Kay," he murmured as Butters opened the Taco Bell bag and put the churro on Kenny's lips. Trying not to laugh, he parted his lips and enclosed them around the cinnamon stick.

Butters did the same and Kenny snickered at how ridiculous they probably looked. He took the first bite. Soon, there was only enough for one person to eat and they both remained still, waiting for the other to move. Curling his tongue back, Kenny popped the fried treat into Butters' mouth.

His body went into haywire as Butters captured his tongue between his lips, sucked gently for a moment, and then pulled away to chew the last bite.

"Cinnamony," Butters murmured, then turned to Kenny. The bright blonde didn't have a chance to even take a breath before the sixteen year old pounced on him. He smiled down at Butters as he landed on his back, and they locked eyes.

"Hi," Kenny whispered, unsure of what to say or do. He felt his heart race as Butters stroked his cheek and ran a hand through his tousled hair. His head lowered and he could feel his lips brush his ear as Butters whispered for only him to her.

"Shut up and kiss me already."

His lips crashed against Kenny's in an electrifying kiss. Butters tightened his legs around Kenny's waist and gasped as he felt the taller boy straddle him. The ash-blonde boy ran his skeletal hands up Butter's back and relished the warmth on his hands as their lips danced together in such a familiar rhythm; it nearly brought tears to Butters' eyes. Butters breathed shakily through his nose as Kenny's mouth claimed his; he hadn't realized the strength of his pent up desire until the ferocity of his hungry kisses sought satiation.

Hearing Kenny moan quietly as he accidentally bit his lip caused Butters' stomach to squirm. He felt his muscles in his abdomen twitch as the bony hands gripped his hips with a gentle strength. He squeaked as he felt Kenny's tongue at his lips, and he quickly opened his mouth to grant him access.

Butters' hands fidgeted momentarily before tugging the hem of Kenny's hoodie. His eyes met Kenny's lust-blown and already dilated eyes and he felt him smile as he pulled off of his lips with a loud pop. Butters shook his head; he didn't want to lose the contact. Ten months without this... without feeling Kenny was making him desperate for whatever game they had started nearly three years ago.

"Lee," Kenny whispered as he unzipped his hoodie and shrugged it off his shoulders. He was naked underneath; Butters licked his lips as he stared at the pale skin that seemed luminescent under the orange harvest moon of October. The wind billowed gently and goose pimples broke his skin. "What time is it?"

Butters felt his head swim at the question; that was what was on Kenny's mind? He shrugged his shoulders; he didn't care. He just wanted this to continue. He was not going to allow Kenny to stop this, not this time. And never again.

"I don't know," he replied shakily, his fingers brushing against Kenny's too-skinny abdomen. He did have muscle, he could feel the tautness in his stomach, and he didn't look as malnourished as usual. No matter, Butters thought he was beautiful. He could feel the scars as his fingers brushed over his skin, from his navel, to the ribs that raised his skin, and to his chest. His heart fluttered rapidly against Butters' touch and his skin was hot, radiating warmth he didn't think he had. "Please..." he trailed off, index finger drawing circles on his chest. Kenny tilted his head and Butters sighed heavily. "Please... don't stop this..."

He wanted to taste his skin; he could smell Kenny's scent and it was driving him wild. But Kenny just peered down at him with black eyes and he smiled weakly.

Butters jerked as he felt Kenny's mouth softly kiss his neck and his hands roam freely under the cloth of his shirt and sweater. He arched his back and whimpered quietly as he felt his teeth nibble and suck on the sensitive skin of his collar bone. He wasn't sure if it was supposed to tickle, and his mind was in over-drive as it short-circuited.

Kenny's knees bent as he straddled Butters' left thigh, and he pushed up his two shirts. Butters sat up so they could be pulled off of him and Kenny smiled as he revealed the bare skin.

Butters knew he wasn't impressive; he didn't work out but he wasn't chubby. He had a soft stomach and definitely wasn't toned; he was just average. But Kenny seemed appreciative nonetheless as his head dipped lower on his chest, pressing kisses down the trail he started. Butters bit his lip and stifled an astonished cry as Kenny's tongue flicked his nipple tenderly. He laughed when Butters bucked his hips against his knee for friction.

"K-Kenny... wh-what...?" he trailed off in a strangled moan as Kenny's mouth expertly nibbled his skin and soothed the red spots he had marred on his flesh with his tongue. It was almost too much, and he had no clue what his body was doing. He giggled quietly and squirmed when he felt his tongue circle his navel, yet nervousness suddenly rose in him. No one had ever been this close to him and no one had ever made him feel like this. He felt hot blooded as his heat boiled deep in his blood, and he could feel Kenny's hot, shaky breath on his skin as he placed a gentle kiss at the waistband of his jeans.

When those eyes looked up at Butters inquisitively, he swore he came right then and there. Yet he didn't; he knew what that felt like. But Kenny looked so... devilishly innocent. His cheeks were uncharacteristically flamed red and his hair was tousled with his bangs wet on his forehead from sweat. His lips were red, puffy, and glimmered with saliva after licking them instinctively. And his eyes... no matter black or blue they looked angelic. Innocent; but he was so, so wrong.

"Can I...?" Kenny asked with a slightly strained voice. Butters inhaled sharply as he felt one of his hands on his hip, the other massaging his inner thigh and brushing over the bulge in his skinny jeans. Butters locked eyes with Kenny and fought his nervousness with desperation.

"I... want you to. But... I'm nervous." Butters whispered in a pant. That face, those eyes... he could understand how Kenny could worm his way into anyone's bed. He was, in his own way, beautiful. And Butters couldn't say no to those wide eyes. "And... I don't want this to be a casual thing, Ken. I want... you. I don't want the feelings. I want you," his senses must have come back to him sometime, although his mind was floating for a completely different reason. Kenny nodded as his elegant fingers unbuttoned his jeans. "I don't want to be just another person."

He moaned quietly as he felt Kenny's hand brush against him again as he undid his jeans. His stomach churned with nervousness and anticipation as Kenny slowly pulled down the dark grey pants by the belt loops. They were settled around his ankles and he watched as the ash blonde teen crawled slowly back on top of him, his knees rested on either side and he smiled gently at Butters.

"You've never been just another person," he whispered honestly as he looped his hands under the dark boxer briefs on Butters' hips. The blonde beneath him hitched in a breath as he felt Kenny's tongue run up his length through the fabric. His breath came out in a shuddered gasp and he couldn't help but bite his lip as the older boy teased him and made him feel... amazingly incredible and fantastic and scared all at once.

His eyes opened as Kenny pulled down the briefs from his waist and modesty washed over him, as if he wanted to push him off, pull on his clothes and run. He didn't want Kenny to see him, to think he was less than what he was. He didn't want Kenny to laugh as he was exposed. Nervously, he looked at Kenny, who had pushed the garment down with his foot that had become bare some time ago, Butters didn't know when.

"You don't... have to..." Butters trailed off, Kenny raised an eyebrow as he trailed his hand up his thigh.

"I know. Do you want me to?" He asked quietly, seriously, his hand halting on the spot.

"Don't make fun of me..." Kenny tilted his head in the way he always did, the way the Butters always thought was adorable.

"Never, Lee. I'm not good with compliments... but... you're fucking gorgeous." Kenny whispered, his hand reached up to grab Butters'. "Your soul, your looks, body, you... all of you is gorgeous. I mean it," he said, causing Butters to blush as his hand trailed back down his soft stomach, passed the thin line of hair, "just tell me if you want me to or not." Butters nodded.

"Thank you..." Butters trailed off and Kenny smiled before tentatively taking his arousal in his hand. Butters' eyes widened at the feeling and he jerked slightly.

"I don't get how this fits in those super tight pants you wear," Kenny murmured with a smirk, before tenderly kissing his inner thigh as he slowly stroked his member. Butters gasped and closed his eyes as he felt the slow movements; he never knew this could feel so...

"O-oh!" he shouted when feeling something warm and wet enclosing around the head of his cock. He looked down and saw Kenny looking up at him with those wide eyes that would get him anywhere and everywhere, and felt his heart leap in his throat. His hand was still pumping him gently yet firmly and he gasped and writhed and moaned; he couldn't help it... this was the most amazing feeling he had ever felt. All because of Kenny, all because...

Kenny's tongue circled the tip and trailed down the underside of his shaft, his eyes were bright as if he were a kid in a candy store. Butters stammered and flailed his hands. He had to grab something, the grass wasn't good enough. A hand took his and he found his fingers woven in Kenny's soft blonde and now damp hair. Better. Much better.

"K-Kenny!" he trailed off, crying out as Kenny sucked lightly on his balls. Euphoria and ecstasy coursed through his veins as pleasure sent his nerves on haywire. He couldn't help but watch as Kenny pulled his mouth away and took a shallow breath before licking his lips. The boy between his legs sent him a smirk before taking his entire length in his mouth. Butters shouted and quickly covered his mouth as he felt the warm wetness of Kenny's mouth pumping expertly on his shaft, his cheeks hollowed as he willed his gag reflexes to calm as he deep-throated Butters.

He choked as Butters thrusted and he placed his hands on the petite boy's hips to still them.

Butters swore he had never felt something so incredible. The way Kenny sucked and licked and grazed his teeth so very carefully was the best feeling in the world, he swore. His mind was lost in the world of pleasure and moan after moan echoed from his lips as Kenny's speed picked up. The way the sixteen year old looked before him, so at ease, so eager to do this, it amazed Butters. He clutched and pulled his hair, eliciting a moan from Kenny and Butters' eyes widened at the vibration on his member.

His toes tingled. A familiar buildup was growing in his stomach and he felt sweat practically drenching his hair as he writhed and moaned in his hand. Kenny seemed aware of this as well; his movements slowed, yet he sucked hard and caressed his balls as his other hand kept his hips from bucking into his throat.

"Ken... Kenny... oh G-God..." he breathed, his sentence growing incoherent as the boy on him drew him in deeper, coaxing him. His fingers tugged Kenny's hair roughly, and he seemed to brace his head. Another moan, louder, vibrated from Kenny's mouth and Butters' words were lost in a mewling whine as his body jerked beneath Kenny and he lost himself in the waves of pleasure coursing through his mind and body. He squeezed his eyes shut and dug his nails in Kenny's head, grabbing for something, and cried out; his voice echoed in the night yet he didn't care. Kenny continued sucking, milking him until the waves of his orgasm stilled and he began to soften. He pulled his mouth off of Butters with a pop, swallowed thickly, and wiped his mouth.

Butters gasped and panted as he tried to regain his breath and composure. Kenny coughed quietly and turned to face Butters as he laid down beside him once more. His eyes met Kenny's and he smiled weakly. He felt hot, sweaty and sticky. His cheeks felt overheated and his body trembled and felt fatigued, like he could sleep for years.

"Ken.. w-wh... that was..." he trailed off, shaking his head, "you're amazing."

"I know," he teased with a smirk as he wiped his brow. "We should get back,"

"But... what about you?" Butters asked, Kenny shrugged and sat up.

"I'll manage," he responded, offering a hand to Butters. Both boys stood up, Kenny more awkwardly than Butters, and walked hand in hand to Butters' Camry.

"That isn't fair," Butters murmured sleepily as he walked on weak knees to the driver's side. Kenny just shrugged and smirked.

"Take me home and maybe you can do something about it," Kenny whispered in Butters' ear. The bright haired boy whimpered, his over-sensitive cock twitched, and he nodded. Turning the ignition, he backed out of the gravel parking lot, and drove home with a foggy head and shaky legs. He couldn't focus on anything except how his body felt.

It only took about five minutes to return to Kenny's house. As he got out of the car, Kenny tied his hoodie around his waist. Butters couldn't help but gaze at his back; prominent muscles and bones moved with the motions of him tying the sweatshirt. His boxers were slightly peeking out from his baggy sweatpants.

"Walk ahead of me," Kenny murmured, then practically followed Butters on his heels as they entered the house.

Karen was sitting on the couch with a book in her hand and raised her eyebrows at Kenny.

"God, I don't want to see that!" She cried, shielding her eyes, "where have you been? What happened to enforcing curfew, brother?" She grumbled with a smirk, pointing to the clock. Both blue eyed boys followed her finger; it was 10:44 p.m.

"Sorry, Kar-bear. But Lee wanted churros and I was a little hungry too," Kenny's hand rested on Butters' back conspicuously for a moment, which caused him to blush and turn away.

"Oh my God you went on a date!"

"We went to fucking Taco Bell, that is not a date..." Kenny trailed off, obviously flustered for one reason or another. Karen rolled her eyes and glanced to Butters to see if she could pry anything out of him.

"Did you bring back anything?!" Kevin called groggily from his room.

"No!" Kenny shouted back irritably, wringing his hands and fidgeting slightly, "Karen, just... you should get to bed soon. I'll be... in my room..." Kenny finished with a slight whine in his voice, then ran to his room.

"Jerk," Karen murmured then smirked at Butters. "It was so a date," Butters blushed, shrugged, then shook his head. "Uh-huh... I'll be in to say goodnight," she told him. He nodded and raced after Kenny.

"Ken, are you o-" he stopped talking as he gasped and quickly shut the door behind him. Kenny's hand instinctively flew out from under his sweatpants and he looked like a deer in the headlights. Butters silently locked the door and took a step forward.

"You sure you wanna take care of that yourself?" He purred, trying to be seductive. It mostly seemed to amuse Kenny, however.

"Jesus, it's not a big deal," Kenny murmured, his eyes still lowered in awkward embarrassment. Yet he gave in as Butters captured his lips in a kiss. Kenny's lips felt swollen as their tongues danced.

"Right, like you and I believe that," Butters whispered in his ear, then nipped the lobe; he saw that in a movie and wanted to try it. Apparently, according to the low moan, Kenny liked it. His breath hitched and his body relaxed as he leaned into Butters' embrace. "N-now I've never done this stuff so bear with me..." Kenny shook his head.

"You really don't have t- hnnngh..." he whined, actually whined, in pleasure and Butters felt his blood rush south at the sound. He wanted to hear that over and over again; he wanted to be the reason Kenny made that noise.

"You're right, but I want to," Butters whispered, cautiously kissing the nape of his neck. His thumb massaged into Kenny's hips, which made him lay back on his broken mattress.

As Butters planted kisses all over his torso, he tried to map out the areas where Kenny would squirm, arch his back, or moan into his hand. As he nipped at his collarbone, Kenny cried out and curiosity struck Butters. While kissing and sucking every inch of his exposed skin, his hands snaked behind Kenny. The boy under him was breathing heavily through his nose and he had instinctively thrusted a few times. His eyes were closed and his cheeks were pink.

Butters took the opportunity and slid his hands passed his sweatpants and boxers and settled on his ass, which was plumper than Butters thought. He squeezed the flesh a little, causing Kenny's heavily lidded eyes to lock on Butters momentarily. Butters ground his hips into Kenny's rather forcefully.

"Mmmph!" Kenny exclaimed, panting and desperate for friction. "Please, Lee, oh my fucking God..."

"You're vocal," Butters teased with a smirk as he bit down on Kenny's collarbone.

"Leopold... I swear to everything... if you don't stop teasing me... Jesus fuck... I will... mmmm... go insane." he panted, writhing as Butters palmed him through the fabric of his pants.

"Be patient I'm new at this," he murmured, digging his nails deep into the back of his thighs. Kenny stifled his cry with his hand and his hips jerked desperately.

Butters pulled down Kenny's pants and boxers in one go. As he pulled his clothes from his ankles, Butters gaped.

"Kenny, you're huge," he gasped quietly in awe at Kenny's stiff cock, now freed from confines, that lay heavy on his stomach.

"I dunno, I think you're bigger," Butters shook his head at Kenny; he could impale someone with that thing. Truth be told, Kenny knew he wasn't too much above-average and he was fairly sure Butters was bigger; though it was probably the biggest cock Butters had ever seen on another human.

On the other hand, Butters was trying to figure out how he'd go about giving him a blowjob.

"Don't... don't do anything you aren't comfortable with," Kenny breathed. Butters rolled his eyes and nipped at Kenny's thigh as he wrapped his hand around Kenny's cock. His hand trembled nervously as he gave a couple of pumps; Kenny hissed.

"No so hard..." Kenny murmured through gritted teeth, Butters blushed in embarrassment.

"Sorry," Kenny shook his head and smiled. "Like this?" he relaxed his grip slightly which helped make his movements more fluid. The blonde groaned and threw his head back. Butters smiled and kissed his thigh after sucking on the skin. He pulled away and paled.

"I gave you a hickey."

"I gave you- ahh- six. Fuck yes..." Kenny replied in a moan. His pre-cum gave Butters enough lubrication as he quickened his movements.

Looking up at Kenny, he saw sweat beaded on his forehead which caused his ash blonde bangs to cling to his flesh. His cheeks were on fire and his mouth was parted slightly in pleasure. His head slowly moved from side to side every so often and his fingers gripped the edge of his mattress.

Butters smiled to himself and licked his lips. Kenny cried into his arm as Butters suckled gingerly on his balls. He slowed his ministrations and barely touched the boy beneath him. This caused Kenny to whine and moan as he writhed on the bed.

"Jesus Christ... fuck me," he whined as Butter slowly licked from his balls up the underside of his thick shaft to the head of his cock.

"Patie-"

"Fuck patience, fuck me..." Kenny gasped, trying his hardest not to thrust. Butters loved seeing him like this, completely undone, cheeks red, slips swollen, with sex blown eyes. He wasn't quite sure if Kenny was just swearing or if he actually wanted to go all the way but that's something Butters wasn't ready for.

Butters kissed the tip of his cock and slowly licked all the way around. Taking a deep breath, he enclosed his mouth around the head and sucked softly. He was careful not to expose his teeth to the sensitive skin. He tried his hardest to mimic what Kenny had done as well as what he had seen in pornos he had watched. Judging by the sounds from the older boy, he was doing all right.

Butters tried to take in his entire length but choked and gagged. Kenny ran a comforting hand through his hair; Butters liked that. He decided to suck and lick at the head as he pumped the blonde quickly. He could hear Kenny panting and moaning quietly at his ministrations. Butters felt his cock twitch in his mouth and hand, and Kenny put his hand on Butters' head.

"Lee..." he gasped, trying to push his head away. He shook his head, however, and continued to suckle hungrily. This seemed to excite Kenny even more; he came undone in a slew of curse words and quaking muscles. Butters jumped slightly as his cum shot, warm and slightly salty yet continued to stroke Kenny as he rode out the final waves of his orgasm.

"Ken?" Butters asked hoarsely, crawling up to lay down next to him. With heavy eyes, Kenny turned to Butters and smiled weakly. He outstretched his hand and wiped Butters' chin, laughing quietly as he did so. "H-how'd I do?"

"If that was seriously your first blow job then you've... that's gotta be natural Hawaiian talent or something," he replied breathlessly as he regained composure. His chest heaved for breath as he took Butters' hand. "Thanks, you really didn't-"

"I've wanted to do that for awhile now," Butters admitted bashfully, kissing Kenny tenderly.

A knock on the door broke them apart and Kenny moved with surprising speed to pull on his clothes once more. Butters opened the door and smiled awkwardly at Karen.

"I'm going to bed, I just wanted to let you know," she murmured, with a look of amusement on her face. Kenny and Butters both hoped their faces weren't too flushed. "I'll make sure you wake up in the morning."

"Thanks, you got your homework done?" She nodded.

"I'm ahead, Ike and I work together so we're a couple chapters ahead in our classes."

"Smarty pants," Kenny grumbled with a smile, "g'night Kar."

She smiled and looked to Butters. He felt extremely awkward and nervous as she stood there; she must have sensed this, because she soon opened the door once again.

"Sleep well," the brunette girl chirruped happily, walking out of Kenny's room. Before the door completely shut, she poked her head in, "oh yeah, Kevin says keep the noise down, Kenny," she gave her brother a pointed look, sent a smirk to Butters, and shut the door behind her.

Butters turned to Kenny in horror and squeaked.

"They know!" He cried in a whisper, Kenny chuckled and sighed heavily.

"My bad..." he mumbled uncomfortably as he laid down on his broken mattress. "Don't worry about it... fucking awkward... and my bed isn't the greatest," he pointed to the holes and the springs protruding. Butters simply ignored this and wriggled closer to Kenny. His bed was small, much too small for Kenny's lanky frame, and the sheet and blanket were old and grey from age.

"It's not bad, I've slept on way worse. Hey, we never played any games..." the messy blonde haired boy hummed in amusement as he laid on his back.

"We couldn't have done anything better tonight."

"We could've-" Kenny kissed Butters to silence him and shook his head, smiling as the younger boy fumbled for words.

Butters rested his head on Kenny's chest and curled up, relishing the body heat in the cool, drafty room. Kenny rested his head on his and wrapped and arm protectively around Butters.

"G'night, Kenny."

"Night," he replied gently, running his hands through Butters' light blonde hair. The feeling was comforting and soon Butters was fast asleep.

This was more than either of them knew. Kenny understood that. He felt God, Satan, Cthulhu, or the leviathan of purgatory finally dealt him a winning hand. Fate was on his side and maybe, just maybe, he and Butters could actually try whatever it was they were doing.

Kenny knew what he felt was more than simple affection and attraction. He loved Butters; every ounce of him screamed this fact yet he couldn't face it. He couldn't live without Butters and that's what killed him. Because sooner or later, he'd have to. Everyone in his life would die. Everyone would finally get that everlasting peace that was so temporary for him. Because of his curse. He was ageless... timeless... and nothing, literally nothing, else was. He was terrified of life because life would prohibit him from joining the others in death. Life would take away everything and everyone he loved.

He clutched Butters tightly and pressed his lips to his forehead. His eyes stung and his throat was in knots but he willed the tears away. There was no use in crying, he cried as a ten year old boy when Cthulhu was sent back to his dimension. That was his way out. There was no other immortal except him. He had come to terms with the fact that he'd eventually be the only poor soul left on this Earth.

And it fucking sucked.

He must have dozed. His eyes opened as his bedroom door creaked.

"Kenny?" Karen whimpered. He pulled his head up from the comfortable position on Butters' own head and saw tears had streaked her pale face. The younger boy mumbled in his sleep and burrowed his head deeper in Kenny's chest. Karen sat down next to the mattress and pulled her knees to her chest.

She would always be his little sister. Even now she looked like that sad, clinically depressed and porcelain hearted girl who came to him in the middle of the night with her rag doll and body wracked with sobs. No matter how old she grew, he would always see the tiny girl he had to protect.

"Hmm?" he asked groggily as he rubbed his bleary eyes. He pulled the covers down and Karen squeezed in the space that was perfect for her size. She curled into Kenny's left side.

"I had a n-nightmare..." she whimpered into his shirt. Kenny's free hand rubbed her back and he smiled sadly at her. He knew what her nightmares meant; it was as if her frightful dreams were her curse. She had had them for as long as he could remember. Just like he died. And Kevin had fits sometimes, but the doctors said he didn't have epilepsy.

"Tell me," he whispered quietly, running a hand through her hair. It always calmed her. "When was the last time you had one?" He knew the answer to that.

"The day before you died," she replied, "Kenny I don't want things to go back to how they were..." she sobbed, "I want mommy..." Kenny nodded and held her tightly to him. He knew how she felt. But she realized everything would, in fact, go back to normal. It was inevitable.

"Wanna know a super-sibling secret?" Karen nodded then wiped the tears from her eyes. "I've saved up as much money as I could from what I've earned. It's in a secret hiding spot. When I'm 18 I'm gonna move out and get my own place and if you want... you can move in with me. If you want," Karen nodded and laughed softly through her tears. "No leaky gap roof, no rats, no fleas... we'll always have heating and air, we can take turns cooking and cleaning. I'll take you to school and-"

"What about your college?"

"As long as I have two jobs I'll be okay without a degree," Karen shook her head and sighed heavily. "Besides, I have to be here for you. I wouldn't want to be anywhere else."

"What about with Butters?" Karen asked, glancing at the boy sleeping on him. Kenny exhaled deeply and glanced at his best friend. "Ken, you wouldn't let anyone sleep on you like that. You can't deny it. You're in love with him; it's not messing around."

"Kar..."

"You love him, don't tell me otherwise."

"Fine. But-"

"No buts, you deserve to be happy."

"I want him happy and he deserves better than me. I'm not going to be that person for him. But you're right, I can't live without him. That's what fucking sucks." Karen rested her chin on his shoulder and pulled at a lock of his hair gently, as if measuring it.

"Don't think about that. Just live for today, that's all you really can do," she laughed, "but... I know what you mean." Kenny tilted his head. "I like this boy... and I don't want him being stuck with me either. I doubt he'd ever even like me." He furrowed his eyebrows.

"Don't say that, no guy is good enough for you. Dammit, you like people now? When did that happen?" Karen groaned in annoyance. "I'm sorry but all I see is four year old Karen when I see you. Not... fourteen year old. Just for my sanity don't ever like any guy like me."

"Why not?" Kenny gave her a groggy, yet pointed look. He could give her a 1,000 paged list of what not to like about him. "I can't like a guy who's nice, funny, smart, who protects me more than anyone, who is caring, genuine, selfless, humble, loyal, who would lay down his life for me, and who will always love me?"

Kenny blinked; well that's exactly the kind of guy he wanted her to be with. But that was not how anyone would describe Kenny. His name was synonymous with "whore."

"Dammit, that's not what I meant," he grumbled, laying his head down on his lumpy pillow.

"But that's how I see you. You're too hard on yourself. You taught me right..." she trailed off in a yawn. Kenny smiled gently at her as she rested on his chest, like Butters, and he put his free arm around her. He was not used to being sandwiched, but he was actually warm in his bed so he wasn't complaining.

"Thanks, Kar, everything's gonna be okay. I won't let anyone hurt you. I trust you but I'll never be okay with the idea of you dating or getting married unless he is the perfect guy, but I can't help it. I'm sorry. Just... be careful, okay?"

Kenny waited for a response but received none. He glanced down and his lips curled as he heard her deep breathing; she had fallen asleep. Glancing at Butters who was snuffling quietly, not quite snoring, Kenny closed his eyes and drifted into a dreamless sleep.