Author's Note: I needed some sort of distraction from the personal downward spiral that has become my life. So... new chapter! :) I hope you all enjoy, and you can still expect an update this Sunday as far as I can tell. Thank you all for reading.
And I think special thanks are in order as well. I've made some pretty great friends so far and they'd dealt with my ramblings more than enough times. So here's a shout out to Montana-Bob/fallingwstyle, MoonPrincessDiana, AKA 24601, Nicky P, and Specimen 12. All of your reviews and conversations with me have both been great and extremely helpful. Your thoughts on this story as well as so many other things have helped me so much. So thank you. Thank you so incredibly much. This story would be extremely different if it weren't for you.
And with that, I hope you enjoy this chapter :). It's pretty lighthearted, if I must say... and introduces something new.
Chapter title from "That Green Gentleman" by Panic! At the Disco
Chapter Thirty: Things Are Shaping Up to be Pretty Odd
"So this is the apartment..."
Kenny looked around the quaint living room and smiled softly. His brother had done a decent job at putting together a shitty apartment. Then again, his girlfriend probably did most of the work. Karen examined the room curiously and smiled when finding a small picture of the three of them. They were much younger; Kevin looked about thirteen, making Kenny ten and Karen eight years old. They looked happy, or as happy as they could have been. Their mother had been behind the camera.
"It doesn't smell like shit," Kenny announced as he sat on the second-hand couch. It was comfortable enough and didn't have any tears, stains, or duct tape keeping the cushion together so it was a vast improvement.
"No, and I can only smoke outside, which fucking sucks."
"Your girlfriend is pregnant, Kevin. You don't want her turning out like Kenny, do you?" Karen teased, shoving her brother lightly. Kenny gave a small smile and ruffled her hair. Kevin shrugged his shoulders and clapped a hand on Kenny's shoulder.
"You ain't so spindly anymore so that wouldn't be a bad thing. Besides, maybe my kid would appreciate the calming effects of cannabis. I sure as hell know I do." Kenny chuckled. "You two look good. Kenny, you've actually got some meat on them bones."
Kenny, as Kyle had said, had been slowly gaining weight. He was currently stuck at 160 because of football practice. Yet he had put on nearly twenty pounds since living with Kyle. Most of it was due to Mrs. Broflovski who was "making up for lost time" with both he and Karen.
"I've been eating my body weight daily." Kenny said, "and now I'm always hungry."
"Well, you were before too." Kenny rolled his eyes, "but this is different. This is a good hungry."
"No, it's like I have a bottomless pit for a stomach. Kinda like you." Kenny smirked at Kevin who gave a barking laugh as he dug in his billfold. He sat down next to Kenny and Karen did the same.
"I got something to you show you. And something to tell you," Kevin said, holding up the ultrasound pictures. Kenny held the photograph in his hand and smiled as he saw the baby for the first time. It was little yet looked so real, he shook his head and grinned at Kevin.
"You can see the hands and she's got our nose..." Kenny nodded, then stopped.
"Wait, she?" He said. Karen gasped and covered her mouth her hands as she beamed. Kevin nodded and tightened his arms around his siblings as they hugged him.
"We're having a girl!" Kevin exclaimed excitedly, "we just found out earlier today. She seems healthy too. Now here's what I wanna ask you. I was wondering... would you guys be upset if we named her Caroline?"
Silence fell upon the siblings as Kenny and Karen absorbed this. This was the first time they had mentioned their mother together. Kenny shook his head finally and smiled softly at Kevin.
"No, I couldn't think of a better name." Karen was quiet, but she shook her head as well. Kenny's hand tightened on hers to comfort her.
"It's perfect. Do you have a middle name picked out?" Kevin shook his head. "Are you and your girlfriend going to get married?"
"We haven't even met her, Kar..." Kenny mumbled, ruffling her wavy hair. She faked a grimace and pushed his hand away as she laughed. Kevin wore a fond smile as he watched his little siblings.
"We've talked about it, but I dunno. It's not like us being married makes a big difference. We're still gonna have a baby. We'll still be together." Kenny gave him a look and he groaned in annoyance, "she doesn't want to get married while pregnant. She's already self-conscious enough as it is and that'd just make her feel awful. Though I kinda like her baby bump." Kenny and Karen grinned at their older brother's suddenly dopey expression and he cleared his throat before running a hand through his hair.
"Either way that's awesome, I'm gonna have a niece!" Karen chirruped happily as she gazed at the ultrasound pictures once more. "It looks like she's flipping us off..." Kevin took the picture and burst out laughing.
Kenny's phone vibrated and he quickly opened the text message from Kyle. He was originally going to pocket his phone yet the short text caught his eye.
From: Kyle
Received: 2:28 PM
Hey there's a surprise for you when you get home!
To: Kyle
Sent: 2:29 PM
For me and Karen or just me?
Kenny quickly sent the text and got up to get a drink. Kevin watched him momentarily, then turned to talk to Karen. As he grabbed a Coor's Light he smiled as he saw the actually decent food in the fridge and was glad to see Kevin was doing so well.
"Little brother," Kevin said as Kenny set the bottle down on the table. "Thanks for the beer." Kenny whined as Kevin took it from him and chugged half the bottle. He belched loudly and Karen moved away from him but laughed as she held up eight fingers. Kevin nodded in appreciation.
"Dude that was mine!"
"I bought it so it's mine, bud."
"You're not even 20 yet!" Kevin held up a fake ID and Kenny glared at him ominously.
"You're driving us home, anyway, Kenny. And I'd like to not die." The blonde sighed heavily and nodded as he stared at his brother with a slight scowl.
"So will we meet your girlfriend today?" Kevin shrugged as he turned on the television. "Well then when?"
"I dunno... she's nervous or somethin'." It didn't seem like Kevin wanted to talk about this, which made Karen even more interested. Kenny merely scoffed and scrolled through his messages on his phone.
From: Kyle
Received: 2:32 PM
For you!
Kenny grimaced at the text and decided not to respond as he grabbed the remote from Kevin, who hit him upside the head. Karen groaned as Kenny kicked him playfully, earning a slug to the shoulder. This resulted in the blonde tackling his older brother, who pushed him a little too hard. Kenny smacked his head on the coffee table and let out a quiet groan of slight pain as he hung upside down off the couch.
Karen laughed in shock and Kevin helped pull him up as he blinked a few times.
"You okay?" Kenny nodded and punched Kevin lightly. They both laughed and Karen rolled her eyes as she settled against Kenny.
"So how's life in South Park?" His younger siblings gave him a blank look and he grinned. "Okay, more specifically, your lives. Fuck everybody else."
"Kenny's playing in the next football game and I'm trying out for a solo for the Christmas program."
"No shit? This is for the play-offs, right?" Kenny nodded. "Well, I'll be there. I hear you're the best in state, so..." he turned to Karen, "and I'll be at your concert too, I've heard you two sing so your teacher is retarded if they don't give you a solo." Karen blushed and shrugged her shoulders as she texted. "To think, I was your age when I dropped out," he shoved Kenny, "don't do what I did. And Kar? Learn from both of us. Girls are smarter so don't do what we did."
Kenny knew they didn't have to worry about that. Karen was straight-edge and did attend the same parties Kenny went to but always left early. She was a normal girl and he was damn proud of that because he knew he was the main reason she was the way she was. She did too.
Kevin snapped his head around as he heard the door unlock.
"Ahh hell no," He blurted, practically flying out of his seat as he ran to the door. Karen and Kenny peered at each other curiously; they didn't understand what the big deal was. They knew Kevin had been dating this girl for awhile and she seemed better than the various sluts he used to bring home, as far as they knew at least.
A jingle of keys was heard and they both looked to the door.
"No fucking way." Kenny gasped. "Shit."
Karen let out an astonished laugh.
Kevin looked defeated as his girlfriend walked into the house talking animatedly about her day at work. Upon seeing Karen and Kenny, however, she dropped the groceries in her hand and gaped in shock.
Karen continued to giggle in an awkward, high-pitched sort of way and looked to Kenny, who stared with unblinking eyes at their brother's girlfriend.
"Shelly?!" They cried in unison.
The brunette girl turned slowly on her heel to face her boyfriend, who was blushing for the first time in his life. Her glower was enough to send chills down his spine, and Kenny and Karen both laughed as they watched Shelly slug him hard on the chest.
"You fucking asshole," she growled to Kevin, who gave her a sheepish look before he coughed and intentionally moved his gaze from her.
"What the actual fuck is happening?" Kenny asked, walking up to them. "Shit, you do have a baby in there," he blurted after a close examination of her stomach, much to her discomfort. "Kevin, this is Stan's sister!" Kevin sighed heavily and shrugged his shoulders.
"Fuck my life," Shelly moaned in annoyance as she walked into the kitchen. Karen looked to Kevin, expecting answers yet he remained silent, so she kicked him.
"When did this happen?" She asked shrilly. He sighed heavily and raked his fingers through his hair.
"I'unno, four years ago, isn't that right?" He asked Shelly, who grumbled under her breath as she put the groceries away. Karen and Kenny nearly dropped their jaws to the floor.
"What the hell?!" Kenny asked, "Stan is gonna kill me!"
"Guys, this ain't a big deal. We've always had kind of a thing and now... this happened." Except he knew this was a big deal, especially to them. Because for the first time they were seeing that he actually was capable of caring and taking care of someone. That he wasn't some tough guy who didn't give a shit; he cared deeply about the people he let in his life. Those people were few and far between, which was proof alone how much Shelly meant to him; anyone could see that. Especially Kenny and Karen.
"Go fucking figure," Kenny grumbled, "dammit, Cartman was right!" Shelly walked out of the kitchen slowly, as if she didn't want to intrude. She looked slightly embarrassed as she walked up to Kevin.
Kenny hadn't seen her in years, it seemed. She no longer had the headgear and she actually looked kind of pretty in a plain kind of way. But he knew how successful she was for her age and he honestly couldn't believe she stuck around with Kevin. That's what shocked him the most. That meant there was way more going on than either of them let on.
"My head hurts," Kenny grumbled, rubbing his temples as he tried to make sense of this. "So... you and Kevin have been together for four years?" he asked Shelly, who nodded. "Jesus fucking Christ, Kyle, Stan, and I really are gonna be related after all." he laughed a little and turned to Shelly, who was staring at him oddly. "Give me a moment."
"You're fucking nuts," she said with a small smile. Kenny shrugged his shoulders.
"You always knew that! Ugh, Kevin she's seen me naked, you can't date her she knows too much about me!" Karen and Kevin both grinned at him; they could tell he was on the verge of spazzing out. That was their favorite Kenny; spastic and rambly middle-brother.
"Hey," she smirked, looking at him wryly, "did you and that Butters kid end up dating or not?"
"...why." He asked in deadpan with furrowed eyebrows and a slight grimace.
"Because, remember that time I walked in on you two and my brother and Kyle all-"
"NO!" Kenny screamed, face beet red. Kevin looked to Shelly with peaked interest and a growing grin while Karen seemed surprised by Kenny's outburst. "That was not what you thought it was!"
"Finish the story," Kevin said, trying not to laugh as he watched Kenny internally struggle with this apparently embarrassing memory.
"They were like thirteen years old and I'm pretty sure Kyle and my brother were kissing and this one was... what were you two even doing?" Kenny shrugged his shoulders. "It looked like dry humping." Karen and Kevin both cracked up as Kenny blushed.
"No! We were just hugging!"
"Naked?"
"We had pants on!" Kevin lost it at that and Karen was smiling as Kenny floundered for words. He sighed heavily. "You wouldn't understand, so I'm not explaining. Kevin, this is awful. Dump her."
"But yeah, he and Butters are dating," Kevin ignored his comment as he told her what she had predicted years ago. Shelly grinned and Kenny lowered his eyes to the floor. She scared him more than Kevin. He had seen her beat up Stan; Kevin had hit him a couple of times yet hardly ever left a mark because that happened enough without his anger issues. Kenny knew he didn't want to be on her bad side, ever. Even now she could probably kick Stan's ass... and probabl Kevin's too.
Once the initial shock was over, the rest of the afternoon went smoothly. Shelly let Karen see her stomach, there was only a small bump, and Kenny poked it. They spent the remainder of their time together catching up and reminiscing. There were also more than enough embarrassing stories about Kenny that he had worked so hard for his brother and sister to never hear.
He just had no clue if Stan even knew his sister was pregnant. He didn't want to be the one to tell him his brother was the one to knock her up. Although, it had been a prediction made sometime ago, Kenny couldn't exactly remember when.
Oddly enough, Kevin and Shelly did compliment each other. They were both snarky, sarcastic, and didn't put up with bullshit. Of course, that meant they often bickered but Kenny saw the way they looked at each other. They had something like they had all managed to find. He had never imagined Kevin, of all people, having such a close connection with another human being; but if it was anyone it would be Shelly. It was nice to see them both happy.
Karen giggled as he parked his bike in the Broflovski's garage nearly four hours later. He gave her a look as she handed him his helmet.
"You tell no one what you've learned."
"Fine... but red rocket?"
"That wasn't my idea! Cartman jacked off Garland!"
"Ewwww!" She shuddered violently in disgust. Kenny nodded and coughed in his sleeve. "You okay?" he nodded.
"I'm coming down with a cold or something. No biggie, hey, did you know Kyle got me something?" Karen looked at him, "like he texted me and told me there was a surprise for me when we got back."
"Oh... that. That was kind of Butters' idea. But... yeah." Kenny sighed heavily as he narrowed his eyes at his sister. She stuck her tongue out and he smiled as he led the way into the house.
They had stopped knocking two weeks ago, although it still felt a little awkward. Mr. Broflovski had also made two extra sets of keys for them, which hadn't been finished yet. They entered through the kitchen door; Sheila smiled and waved as they set their coats on the door hangers.
"How is Kevin doing?" She asked, handing them each a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
"Good," Kenny replied, "uh... he and his girlfriend found out yesterday that they're having a girl." Sheila smiled happily as she stirred something in a pan.
"Oh, that's wonderful! Anything else?"
"They decided to name her Caroline," Mrs. Broflovski smiled sadly at Karen and nodded as she set down the spoon.
"I'm sure she would be very proud. Your mother was a great woman, you know. She did well with what she had." Kenny nodded and smiled softly; he was glad someone else saw it that way too. "And she raised three wonderful children, too," Karen blushed and Kenny's eyes lowered as he shrugged his shoulders. "I'm sure you want to go talk to Kyle and Stan, they're up in Kyle's room. Dinner will be ready in fifteen minutes, so wash up!" Kenny and Karen both nodded and thanked her before leaving the kitchen. Gerald smiled at them as they passed his office.
Before they walked up the stairs, Karen stopped Kenny.
"D'you think mama would be happy that Kevin's having a kid?" Kenny nodded and put his hand on her shoulder.
"Kevin's an adult, you realize you were already a year old when she was nineteen, right?" Karen nodded slowly, "she'd be happy. Did you know she wanted another after you?" Karen shook her head. "She told me, after I warmed up to the idea of maybe having another sibling, that she wanted another girl. So you'd have someone to play with too. But then shit got in the way and it just didn't happen. She loved kids though. She'd be happy to be a grandma."
"So... she'd be a grandma at 32?" Kenny nodded, "that's crazy."
"That's why we're McCormicks. We're all fuckin' insane!" He whispered with manic eyes as he grinned at his sister. She giggled and shoved him as they walked up the stairs. "Now, if Style are alone they could be doing nasty things so..." he hopped up the last three steps loudly to make his presence known. "Gee, Karen, I wonder what Stan and Kyle are up to!" He yelled dramatically, grinning as he heard Stan groan in annoyance and Kyle laugh.
"Mind outta the gutter, perv!" Kyle yelled to him. Karen giggled and followed Kenny into Kyle's room. They were greeted with Stan holding something behind his back as Kyle lay on his lap. They were watching a movie on Stan's laptop.
"You know there's a TV downstairs, right?"
"There's gay sex in this. I didn't want my mom seeing that again." Kyle mumbled. Kenny snickered and sat down on the floor. Karen followed suit. "Anyway, we were thinking about something and Butters brought it up last night when we were working on chemistry. So... I came across this and I couldn't help but think of you."
A quiet mewl was heard and Kenny's ears perked.
"Stan, did your butt just meow?" Karen giggled and Stan rolled his eyes as he pulled his hands from his back. In his hands was a tiny orange fluffball with wide blue eyes. "That's a kitten."
"Yes, Kenny. Good job!" Kyle teased, earning a one finger salute. "I couldn't help it, those eyes just sucked me in and my parents said it was okay." Kenny took the small kitten in his hands and petted it carefully. It meowed quietly and crawled up his chest, to his shoulder where it curled up.
"It's adorable and all but I'm kinda confused. Why a cat? Or any pet, for that matter."
"Well, Karen has Bunny and you like cats and he was alone and these eyes, Kenny. You can't say no."
"So you're saying he's my spirit animal?" Kenny teased as he pulled the kitten from his shoulder. He stared at it close-up and sighed heavily. It bit his finger playfully and he wriggled it around a little bit, laughing as it bit down harder. "It is me!"
Stan facepalmed and Karen's jaw went slack as Kenny cracked up. The cat mewled quietly and put a paw on his finger. Kyle watched with a smile on his face.
"Do you have a name for it?"
"Kenny, duh." he joked, then shrugged his shoulders. "I was thinking like Agent Orange or Clockwork or something."
"You're kidding," Kyle seemed afraid to ask, Kenny shrugged as he gently petted the cat.
"I dunno, why? What should I name it?"
"Crookshanks!" Karen exclaimed, Kyle nodded. Kenny scrunched his face and examined the cat once more.
"Nah, he's not a Crookshanks. He doesn't have that funny face."
"Agent Orange is kinda cool," Stan piped up, Kenny nodded and Kyle groaned in annoyance. "Or... it could be a nickname."
"How about Chester? Or Apricat. Wait, it's a boy, right? How do you even tell?" he lifted the cat and nodded slowly. "Yep, it's a Chester." Kyle leaned on Stan as he laughed uncontrollably and Karen shook her head while she tittered. "Or Simbaaaa." He held the cat up in the air momentarily, then cradled it close to his chest.
"No, Chester's good." Kyle said as he watched the kitten bat at Kenny's fingers.
"So... there's no other reason you got me a kitten?" Kenny asked, raising his eyebrows at Kyle, who looked to Stan, who looked to Karen, who looked at the kitten. "Uh-huh. Because I've been told animals are good at helping people cope."
"Really?" Kyle asked a little too emphatically. Kenny nodded.
"Yeah, actually, a lot of psychologists say rape victims should have a pet because they can be more calming than humans. But you didn't know that, right?" Kenny asked with a genuine smile. He didn't have a harsh, guilt-tripping tone like Kyle would have. He was just trying to make them realize how difficult they were behaving.
"Fine, Butters was called into talk to the counselor and he may have asked how he could help you. But that was awhile ago, like a month ago. Ms. Carlson said to look into pets and we remembered you had a cat when you were younger-"
"Do you not remember the whole cheesing thing?"
"Oh, fuck, dude I forgot." Kenny shrugged.
"That was fucking sick, anyway. Continue."
"Right, so you had a cat when you were younger and we figured why not get him? I mean, it was just a spur of the moment thing. He looked like a cat for you." Kyle explained, then watched as Kenny laid on his back and let the cat roam on his torso. However, Chester decided to curl up on his stomach and purred as he slept.
"Well..." Kenny trailed off, carefully petting Chester so he wouldn't wake up, "thanks, guys." Stan and Kyle smiled at him reassuringly and nodded. "Hey, Stan... uh... have you talked to Shelly lately?" Karen looked to Kenny with wide eyes, yet he patted her knee. Stan straightened up and looked at Kenny curiously.
"Not for a couple weeks, why?"
"Well... did you know she's pregnant?" The black haired boy remained silent as he stared at Kenny. Kyle, on the other hand, made a quiet noise and looked between Stan and Kenny.
"How do you know that?" Stan asked Kenny warily. Kenny sighed heavily and smiled at Stan.
"Your sister walked into my brother's apartment today."
Stan made a choking noise and Kyle froze as he heard Kenny speak. Karen took this moment to stand and mumble something about needing to find "a thing" before running out of the room. Stan stared at Kenny, waiting to hear something else, anything else from his best friend.
"Uh..."
"Kevin and Shelly have been dating for years."
"We were wondering who her boyfriend was. She hasn't mentioned anything about another person helping her out so we were kind of worried about what could have happened." Stan paused when catching Kenny's eye, "like a one-night stand or something at a party..." Kenny gave a nod and smirked; it was amusing to him that his friends would get so worked up over him.
"No, I guess they're living together. They had groceries... and leftovers. It was weird. Like, they have their own little world up in Denver where it's just the two of them. Well, now the three of them." Stan shook his head and Kenny slowly sat up, causing Chester to startle and curl up in his lap.
"So does this make us like real brothers or something?" Kenny shrugged and gave a little nod.
"The fact that they talked about marriage kinda does..." Stan stared wide-eyed at Kenny.
"Kevin, your half-baked brother, talked about marriage with Stan's psycho-crazy older sister?" Kyle asked in disbelief, Kenny nodded. "Shit, it's serious."
"I imagine my- erm- our niece will have a wonderful set of lungs to scream at people with. Considering their parents..." Kenny said and Stan laughed loudly as he nodded. "Their affectionate nicknames for her will be "turd" and "shithead", too." by now they were all giggling.
Kenny realized this was the first time he had felt completely normal as he just talked and joked around with Stan and Kyle. Yeah, he had a therapy cat in his lap but it was cute and they had completely forgotten about that by now. As they all kept throwing memories of their childhood with Kevin and Shelly back and forth, Kenny couldn't help but laugh a little louder.