Author's Note: So I'm sorry about the lack of updates. I just want to thank you for reading and reviewing, favoriting, and all of that. It really does mean a lot to me.

Chapter Fifty-Four: Words are Weapons of the Terrified

"Uh... so yeah... we're TAB43 and... thanks for coming out to see us. We've got one last song before The Brontide Effect does their shit, so yeah. If you like us we're selling our EP for five bucks back there and some shirts for ten." Stan said in the microphone, looking nervous as he looked back at Kenny, who was playing a loop for the bass before he went to drums. "Kenny, which one d'you wanna do?"

"The Delicate Kicker and the Pleasure Anaconda, duh."

From the merch table, Butters shook his head and Kyle laughed quietly. There were several people standing by, talking to them, and buying a couple of shirts or their home-recorded EP. The opening riffs to the song opened, and soon the small stage in the back of a dimly lit bar in Denver was filled with the reverberating sound of their music.

It was nice to see them playing in Denver. They had enough of a fanbase to get them to some of the smaller locations there. But it was better than playing South Park and Fairplay. More people appreciated their style around Denver and Boulder, and usually most of their CDs were sold.

"Are Kevin and Shelly sure it's okay if we crash there?" Kyle asked. Butters nodded and yawned in his hand as he counted the money in the manilla folder. So far they had made $85. "Good 'cause I'm about ready to pass out."

"Yeah, they just said to be quiet when we get there 'cause Carrie's gonna be sleeping." Kevin and Shelly no longer lived in an apartment; they rented a two bedroom house with a small backyard, but it would be good enough for their daughter to play in for a few years. They were given the option to sleep in the living room or in the basement; it was partially furnished, and Kevin declared it as the "Bat Cave". Mostly they just went down there to get high. But there were a couple of couches and a futon, as well as a mini-fridge, so they would probably be sleeping there.

"-Well I like the way you fuck me slow
Your hips shake and my body aches and
I miss your taste in my mouth..." Stan sang with a slight edge to his voice before he backed away from the mic and lost himself as he played guitar.

"And I like the way you fuck me hard-" Kenny growled as he played the drums in a fervent manner, with the bass sounding similar to the pace of their thrusts when they needed a quick fuck. Butters felt his cheeks heat at that, and Kyle smirked as he passed a medium-sized shirt to the girl in front of them.

"Bite my lip and bruise my skin

Dig my nails in your back and

Fuck until it hurts..."

"Are you two part of the band?" The girl with dyed cherry-red hair asked. Butters and Kyle shook their heads.

"We've filled in a couple times but..." Kyle trailed off, then looked at Butters who was watching the intense expression on Kenny's face as he sang and pounded on the drums. Neither of them were quite sure if they should say their exact affiliation with Stan and Kenny was; neither of them had ever been faced with a situation like this. Although they lived in Colorado, they mostly tried to keep an ambiguous tone to the way they presented themselves in public.

As the song ended, Kenny and Stan both laughed as they looked at each other on stage.

"Thanks again for coming to see us, dude, you should get that nose checked out." Stan said as he pointed out some guy in the crowd who deemed it necessary to start a circle pit halfway through their set. "And if you're lookin' to meet people cooler than us head on back to the merch table and meet our better halves."

"I thought we were halves," Kenny said.

"Quarters," Stan replied with a smirk, "but yeah, they put up with our shit all the time, so... you could either tell them they're awesome or apologize for the shit."

The red-haired girl looked at them with new eyes and a slow smile spread on her face. She glanced at the stage, then at Kyle and Butters, who were both blushing, mostly from what Stan had said.

"You're dating them?" She asked in awe, they both nodded, "that's so fucking hot." Butters' cheeks flamed redder than her hair and he bit his lip as he watched them take down the drums and unplug their instruments from the amps. "Let me guess... the singer's gotta be gay or bi, so you two are dating." She pointed to Kyle, who nodded. Butters tilted his head in curiosity. Kyle laughed a little though, and smiled fondly as he looked at the girl.

"What makes you say that?"

"My brother's gay and he says his gaydar radiated to me." Butters snorted at that, "and you're a dude, and he's a dude... and he was making eyes at you the entire show." Kyle's blush darkened, and Butters' eyes lit up; the girl thought he was a girl as well.

Oh my God, he was actually passing.

And he hadn't even done much. Butters thought he was more androgynous today than anything. But he had seriously debated on wearing a skirt to the show. He just didn't want Kevin to make fun of him afterward.

"Do I really look like a girl?!" He asked quietly once the girl had left to join her group of friends. Kyle grinned at his enthusiasm, shrugged, and gave a half-hearted nod.

By the time Kenny and Stan made it back to the table, all of their CDs were sold and they had half a box of t-shirts left. Butters' happy chirrup was muffled by Kenny's lips as he swooped him in his arms and kissed him fervently. He felt his legs grow weak and after Kyle nudged Butters' side, they pulled away from each other.

They hung around for the last band of the night. Butters wasn't a huge fan of their music, it was too loud and aggressive and he wondered how they got the show booked together. They weren't bad of course, but it was the kind of music he heard Kevin listen to and that wasn't his style. He preferred more mellow music, which is why he liked it best when Kenny and Stan played while high.

"How was it?" Stan asked as they walked out into the chilly November night. Kyle and Butters both gave them a thumbs up and smiled.

"The only thing is you have to have more crowd interaction," Kyle said, "but that was like your fourth show not around friends so... you did great." Stan smiled proudly and nudged Kenny, who seemed to startle from his thoughts as they walked down the asphalt, into the darkness of the night that was illuminated only by the dim streetlights. "How many versions of The Delicate Kicker do you have?" Kyle asked Kenny, who shrugged.

"Seven, I think." He replied quietly. Butters furrowed his eyebrows and followed his line of sight. Kenny sent him a look, one he was used to reading, and rolled his eyes. He may be fine, but he sure wasn't acting like it.

As they turned onto seventeenth street he stumbled as Kenny scooted closer to him and pulled his hood up. Kyle glanced at him curiously but said nothing as Butters put an arm around his waist. Kenny was definitely more than spooked.

"Why didn't we go the other way?" He finally asked, "the car was a lot closer." Kevin had driven down earlier and took their equipment back to his and Shelly's house. Stan shrugged in response, and kicked a pebble down the sidewalk. Sirens wailed in the distance and a clatter of bottles was heard in the alley next to them. Kyle conspicuously took the sleeve of Kenny's hoodie and walked faster. Butters struggled to keep up with both of them, and embarrassingly he was a little out of breath; he really needed to work out before the swim team started up again.

"What's the rush?" Stan asked, draping his arm over the redhead's shoulder. Kyle sent him a look and shook his head. Kenny scratched his arm and reached for Butters' hand.

Four blocks later, they arrived at the car. Before they could step in, Kyle wrapped his arms around Kenny and brought him in to a tight hug. Kenny laid his head on his shoulder; Butters could tell he was extremely tense; if he couldn't help with that then Kevin could.

"I'm sorry..." Kyle trailed off. Stan tilted his head and looked between the two. Kenny shrugged and coughed lightly in his sleeve before he pulled out a cigarette. As Butters saw the expression on Stan's face he suddenly felt glad he wasn't the only one who was completely lost. "Guys, do you know what today is?"

"Uh... November sixth?" the raven-haired boy answered. "The day after Guy Fawke's Day?" Kyle scoffed and rolled his eyes before he finally hugged Kenny once more before he let go. The strawberry-blonde cracked a sad smile and shook his head as he glanced down the street.

"That's... that's where it happened," he murmured to Butters, as he pointed his finger at the dark alley just a block down. For a brief moment he wasn't sure what he meant, but then...

"Oh my God." Butters gasped, looking at Kenny with astonishment in his eyes. "It's been a year, hasn't it?" Kenny gave a slight nod as he stared down the road. A chill seemed to hover over them, more than what came from the chilly Colorado air, and Butters felt Kenny take his hand in his and squeezed tightly.

"Shit..." Stan trailed off, glancing at Kyle who gazed at Kenny with worry on his face. "It seems way longer than a year." Kenny nodded once more and exhaled the long drag he had taken from his cigarette. He knew Stan was itching to take one but wouldn't offer; Kyle would kick his ass. The smell of the smoke was almost a comfort to Butters as a chill of discomfort crept up his spine. These streets were ruined.

"Look at where we are now..." Kyle trailed off, smiling at the three people he was the closest to. Stan smiled and wrapped his arm over his shoulders, then pressed a kiss to his temple. "Almost like it never even happened, huh?"

"Almost," Kenny murmured, eyes forlorn. There was more that happened that night, and guilt suddenly struck Butters' heart. Maybe if he had stood up to his father, or hadn't pretended to break up with Kenny, it would have never happened in the first place. Perhaps everything had been his fault; his stomach felt sour and his mind wandered down the pavement, into the looming darkness of the alley ahead. "Stop," Kenny murmured to him; Butters tilted his head and briefly wondered if Kenny could literally hear his thoughts... it wouldn't be exactly unheard of, especially since Kenny was immortal. But he knew deep down Kenny simply knew him too well; they could read each other like an open book.

"I just remember-" Kyle began but Kenny looked up sharply, suddenly, and in a soft but commanding tone said, "don't." As if they all could forget something so traumatic; for all of them.

"Look how far we've come," Kenny said, flicking the butt of his cigarette before he took in one last inhale, "we're okay," he finished his sentence and cigarette, then tossed it on the ground. Butters immediately stepped on it. The bright blonde reached up and ran his fingers over Kenny's cheeks as he shook his head.

"No, we're not okay," he replied, causing Kenny to tilt his head, "we're more than okay." Kenny smiled and leaned down to meet Butters halfway in a gentle kiss. They both grunted in slight surprise and slight pain and quickly pulled away as Stan and Kyle hugged them both.

"Bring it in, hug me, you fucker!" Stan cried, laughing as Kenny flailed his arms and squeezed him tight. They stayed like that for a few seconds, then Stan snickered. "This is the gayest fucking thing we've ever fucking done."

At that, they all burst out laughing and broke the hug; mostly. Kenny's head rested on Butters' shoulder and suddenly he felt much smaller than he really was. The older boy pressed a kiss to his head and ran his fingers through his reddish-blonde hair; in the dim light from the street lamps it looked just a tiny bit lighter than Kyle's. He still smelled like cigarettes, cheap soap, and warm, but he felt different. And for all the times that he felt different, physically or emotionally, Butters would be there to reassure him he was the same Kenny McCormick he loved since they were kids.

Maybe neither of them were okay. But they were getting there. And with each other they could make it work and feel closer to that sense of normalcy they wanted. Because in his mind, two wrongs like them made it right. Especially when deep down he knew they weren't the ones in the wrong, and never had been. Things just didn't work out for them like they did for most other kids in their town.

But none of that mattered anymore; the past was the past. He hardly allowed himself time to focus on the little things that hurt him so much he'd cry himself to sleep. He didn't like thinking about it, because old scars opened. Much like the scars that Kenny wore; although his weren't visible, Butters could feel them. And on cold days sometimes they would hurt a little worse. But they would be there to ease the pain and get over the slumps and laugh on the good days. Because there was too much to be happy about to dwell on the terrible things that have happened. And they had even more to look forward to. He could feel it with every beat of his heart; and he knew Kenny could too. But they would do it together; just like everything else. Butters couldn't imagine it any other way.

As soon as they were in the backseat of Shelly's car they were in a lock that couldn't be broken. Every gentle, searching, open kiss sent shivers down Butters' spine and got Kenny's mind to finally shut off. It wasn't release they wanted; the kiss wasn't lustful and heated. To Kenny it was about understanding and knowing; communicating in a way he simply couldn't. He wasn't the type of person who could ever think of the right words at the right time; and now he didn't want to talk. Every caress on his cheek, or Butters' jaw, every tingling kiss full of tenderness, every touch through his hair, and every silent word meant something and conveyed a message that, to Butters, was loud and clear. Butters understood him, and in his soothing kisses and loving caresses he responded in his own way.

They had forgotten where they were, or more like where they were headed, and who they were with until the radio turned up and Kyle thew something at them. Neither of them broke the kiss, but they each smiled nonetheless.

"Guys," Butters made a noise of surprise as he felt someone's hand on his shoulder. Finally they pulled away and Butters hadn't realized his lips had gone mostly numb. Kenny pressed his fingers to his lips and stared, a little dazed, at the console. "We're here. C'mon."

The four boys walked up the stairs, to the small house and Stan raised his fist to knock. Kenny, however, simply opened the front door and stuck his face on the glass of the second door. They all laughed as they watched Shelly jump in surprise, then glower at her boyfriend's little brother. He smiled angelically as she opened the door, then cried out as she tugged painfully on his ear lobe. She dragged him down the hall and ignored his every complaint and grumble of discomfort.

"Okay, okay, let go, c'mon Shelly..." Kenny half whined as she managed to tug a little to hard on one of his piercings. Stan laughed at Kenny's predicament, mostly because he wasn't the victim of his sister's wrath; and that was rare.

Kevin's laugh from the living room was loud and low, but the amusement was there nonetheless. A shrill squeal joined in harmony, and Karen's quiet chuckle before she silenced the squeal told them Carrie was wide awake.

"That's what you get for laughing, turd," Shelly growled as she finally let go of his ear. Kenny stood up to his full height, rubbing at his back and ear as she looked at her warily. She hit him upside the head, and as his friends all laughed, he got his turn as she hit them all in the same manner.

"Well... your door was locked," Kenny mumbled, feeling as if all of his dignity had been briefly shattered. "And you," he said warmly as he swept Carrie in his arms, much to her delight. "Should not laugh at Uncle Kenny's pain. That makes you a sadist. Can you say sadist?" Shelly rolled her eyes and hit him once again before she sat next to Kevin.

Seeing them more open about their relationship was weird. Very weird, especially to Stan and Kenny. But they chose to ignore the weirdness, and the blonde kissed his niece's cheek. Her tiny, chubby hand curled slightly, and her fingers gripped his right lip ring, then yanked gently.

"No." Kenny said, earning a scowl from the eight month old girl. But she went for his hair instead; compromise.

"She's starting to teeth, so she's a little fussy." Kevin scoffed and looked at his girlfriend.

"A little? She actually gave me a bloody nose when I was feeding her."'

"That's because you kept eating the cereal in front of her and made it seem like you were gonna give it to her, jackass." Yep. Sounded just like Kevin; he had done that with Kenny as well.

He raised Carrie so she was eye level with him. She laughed as he poked his tongue out and crossed his eyes. Then, she tried to mirror his expression, and kicked her legs.

"Look at that!" Kenny exclaimed proudly as she poked out her tongue and widened her eyes. He turned so Butters could see, and Stan and Kyle both smiled, or smirked. "That's just awesome!" In response, the little girl hit him in the face and shrieked in hysteria once more.

"That was even more awesome," Karen quipped as she stretched out her legs over the arm of the recliner she sat on. Stan had moved next to Kenny and held up his fist. Carrie clenched her hand and hit his as hard as she could.

"Sa!" She chirped, then babbled incoherently. They both nodded, as if they understood her, which caused her to let out a yell of excitement. The black-haired boy kissed her forehead and she reached for his hand.

"Yep. I'm Stan."

"Sa!" Kenny laughed and she clutched tightly to his jacket.

"Can you say Stan?" Kenny asked, she looked at him blankly. "What about Uncle Fucker?"

Everyone burst out laughing, which made the eight month old let out a happy chortle as well.

"Can you say mama?" Stan asked, then pointed to Shelly, who nodded at her younger brother.

"Ma!" Was the response he got; close enough. Butters and Kyle smiled at each other.

"And dada?" Kenny asked. She let out a gurgling noise and turned to Kevin, then kicked her legs as Kenny held her tight.

"Dad!" Kevin smiled smugly at Shelly, then nudged her shoulder, which earned him a dark glower in response.

"Good!" Her uncles both said, then looked at each other in mild shock. They high-fived, then looked back at their niece, who was watching them intently.

"Okay, Carrie, can you say Karen? Kar?" She looked as if she were trying to say the name, but eventually gave up and babbled. "What about Ky?" Kenny asked. The redhead perked up at that, and Stan smiled. "Lee? Can you say Lee?"

Carrie put her hand on Kenny's mouth and squirmed a little in his arms. "Yeah, that's uncle Lee," Butters blushed darkly and the brunette baby let out a happy noise as she looked at the light blonde in front of her.

"Ee!" Kenny turned to Butters with adoration in his eyes, and at that moment Butters' heart melted and he short-circuited. Seeing this was just too much; too much cuteness, too much amazement and adoration, and he just wanted to tell Kenny how amazing he was with kids. It also reassured him to know he could take care of children because Butters hadn't had too much of an opportunity for that. He didn't know how it worked, and he'd need a lot of help from Kenny.

"What about Kenny?" Stan asked, "Carrie?" The little girl looked up at him, mesmerized by the gentleness and calm tone in his voice, "Can you say Kenny?"

"N..." she trailed off with more of her baby babble, and Kenny shrugged; close enough. He could be uncle "nn" for awhile. But she tugged on his shirt and looked at him with wide green-hazel eyes and he watched as her face fell into a quiet smile, much like his usual ones. He gave her the same look back, and tucked a lock of her curly hair behind her ear. Her mouth was open slightly, and he could see her gums were inflamed from the growing teeth that would poke out soon.

"Hey bug," he said softly, and she put her arms on his shoulders as she looked up at him.

"Ny." Kenny snickered and turned to Kevin with a smirk.

"Didja hear that? She's a knight who says "ni"." His brother grinned, and Kenny turned back to the girl who was still staring at Kenny.

"She is so focused," Kyle said in disbelief, "I don't even think she's blinked." And Kenny could agree with that. But he saw her eyes grow heavy, and he adjusted so she could rest her head on his chest. He kissed her temple and Shelly got up to take her from him. Except when he moved to hand her over, she screamed. And not a happy scream.

"Ooookay," Shelly said, backing away in surprise, "I'm glad to see the separation anxiety has been taken from me for the night. D'you wanna get her to bed?" She asked the seventeen year old, who looked as if he had just been asked to go do something life-changing and miraculous.

"You sure?" Kevin and Shelly gave him a look and in an instant, Kenny was out of sight.

"He needs to stay more often," Kevin said with a tired sigh, "I swear to fucking God she hasn't shut up like that for the past two weeks. If he can get her down to sleep, he's like a savior. Remember that with your brother, Butters. Find a way to stock up on sleep." The bright blonde nodded and sat on the floor as Stan and Kyle took the remaining spots on the couch. "How was the show?"

"The band before us sucked ass but it was good, nice to get the hell away from South Park." Stan said, "they don't get it down there. All music is there is either classic rock, country, or southern rock. Nothing else. So what we do is like... fucked up. But here, people get it. And it's nice to finally be understood for once."

"What am I? Chopped liver?" Kyle teased.

"There are a select few people who have decent to good taste in music. Thank God they're my friends," Stan said. Shelly rolled her eyes but wore a small smile at her brother.

"You're such a fucking dweeb," she said, then kicked his knee softly.

Stan ended up opening his laptop and played his sister and Kevin the new music he and Kenny were working on. They had asked Butters to play violin on a couple of tracks, and he wasn't that good but it had worked for them. He was more familiar with drums and piano, but Stan usually played the piano when they used it. Butters was able to claim the title of "occasional drummer" when they needed Kenny to play bass, and Kyle had filled in on guitar a few times as well.

It was unique to hear Stan and Kyle both play; their styles were so different but it worked together. Stan was raw energy while Kyle was raw emotion. Sometimes if they jammed out they left you feeling numb. And when Kenny played, either with Stan or by himself, it was so surreal. He had a totally different way of playing than Stan or Kyle... it was just raw. Everything. Butters could say when he played guitar it was mostly just basic chord structure and he wasn't very good at all.

And they had begun a discussion on this, because every song sounded completely different; their voices even changed. It was hard to pinpoint what style The Appropriate Burrito was because one track could be a chill acoustic song full of metaphors, references to space, psychological theories, and existentialism; those were mostly when Stan and Kenny were high and were in no control. Those were Butters' favorite. And then they could go into grunge and punk and talk about sex, and still go to an indie/alternative style. Most of Kenny's songs reminded Butters of The Violent Femmes, however.

Eventually, Butters grew a little curious as to why Kenny hadn't returned. He excused himself, ignoring the knowing grins sent his way, and walked up the stairs. The second door on the right was Caroline's nursery; the door was slightly open and a faint purple light peeked through the crack. His hand rested on the door yet he paused when he heard Kenny's quiet voice talking.

The tone he had was almost hypnotizing. There wasn't anything else but calm and mellow and as Butters listened to the way he spoke, rather than the words, he even found himself growing tired.

"-and they lived happily ever after," Kenny murmured, then closed the little book. "Just like you, huh, Callie? You're gonna be the happiest princess of them all." He hummed quietly, Butters recognized it as a lullaby he couldn't quite put the name to, and watched in the dim light as Kenny rubbed soothing circles over her back.

Her snuffles filled the room and Butters smiled affectionately as he watched Kenny kiss her forehead and run his fingers through her short brown hair.

"Hey..." Butters whispered as Kenny stood up. The strawberry blonde smiled, as if he had known he had been standing there all along, and smoothed her hair before carefully laying her in her crib. She made a noise of discontent but as soon as he handed her a small pink bear she fell silent, save her deep breathing. "I didn't mean to eavesdrop."

"No biggie, I just read her a story. I feel like... she knows about me. That she can tell I'm not normal." Butters put an arm over his shoulder and he smiled as Kenny rested his head on top of his. They remained like that, staring at the crib in silence, for awhile. They stayed in each other's one-armed embrace and enjoyed the quiet.

From downstairs everyone was laughing, and it was a nice break from that. This was them; they were looking at their not-so distant future, and for the first time Butters didn't feel so scared.

"Babies are sensitive to that stuff," Butters murmured, pressing a kiss to Kenny's temple. He felt the darker blonde nuzzle his neck and he laughed softly. "People say they sense ghosts and stuff... why shouldn't they be able to sense a curse?"

"Yeah, that or I'm naturally good with kids." Butters chuckled and kissed him chastely. He felt Kenny smile against his lips.

"I think it's a bit of both, if I may say so myself."

"By all means," Kenny teased, then kissed him again, deeper this time.

And this was how it was supposed to be; they both knew it. But as they lay in the basement of Kevin and Shelly's house they couldn't help but stay awake, wondering and trying not to let the other know they were still up, thinking about what was about to go wrong. Things had been too good lately. And goodness never lasted for them, or anyone in South Park. Something would come and destroy it, and it left them to tremble at the core as they considered the possibilities of what they had been through already, and what could be worse.

Kenny's hold tightened around Butters and he pressed his face into his head as he closed his eyes and fought off that single thought. Out of all they had been through there was only one thing worse than all of it; Butters dying. He wouldn't let it; he would die every day and sell his soul to make sure he was safe and sound. He could go through hell and back as long as Butters was happy and healthy.

And Butters felt tears burn his eyes as the anxiety and worry clutched his heart like the hands of death itself. After all Kenny had been through he couldn't imagine what the possibilities could be. He didn't want it, any of it, and he trembled as he clutched tightly on Kenny's shirt and pressed his hand to his heart. He had to know he was still there, still alive... still his.

The air was silent and heavy; Stan or Kyle shifted on the opposite couch and someone sniffled; probably Kenny or Kyle. Stan coughed quietly and Butters couldn't help but scratch at his arm.

"Okay," Stan's coarse voice croaked in the dark, "I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who can't sleep." Kenny laughed quietly as he tightened his arms around Butters' body. His stomach was warm against his arms, and his head rested perfectly on his chest as they lay curled up on the futon. "Who's thinking about what?"

"I'm thinking about the spider web I ran into earlier..." Kyle mumbled, then shivered as he felt a tickle on his arms. Stan lifted his head from the crook of his shoulder and looked at him with amusement in his eyes.

"Everything is too good," Kenny murmured finally. Butters turned his head slightly; his light blue eyes settled on Kenny as he waited for him to finish his thought, "and things have been shitty, and I mean, shit has to come right? I just... what's worse than what's already happened?"

"Why does something bad have to happen?" Kyle asked in response. Kenny sighed heavily and closed his eyes; he knew he shouldn't have said anything. But he felt Butters take his hand and squeeze tightly; the vital, mortal, reminder that Butters was alive and well.

"Well, apparently Karma is a real bitch," Butters said; he hadn't meant to sound sarcastic, but this seemed to amuse his friends. So he smiled. He felt Kenny's breath, cool and soft, on his hair, and he wrapped his arms around the strawberry blonde.

"Touche," Stan said; Butters looked over and saw him looking over at them with a smile on his face. "Honestly, I'm awake because Kyle keeps moving his leg and it's turning me on." Kenny roared with laughter and Kyle swatted at his fiancee in response. The black-haired teen flailed a hand out and shrugged his shoulder.

"Mine's kinda on Kenny's level," Butters murmured quietly and relaxed when he felt Kenny's hand run gently through his hair, trying to coax out the negative thoughts with his gentle touches.

"Nothing bad is gonna happen, guys," Kyle assured them; as if he knew. But they didn't believe him, no matter how much they wished they could. "I mean, like you said things have been fucking awesome. But you've had your fair share of shit, we all have... I think we're all in the clear for awhile."

Kenny drew pictures with his fingers on Butters' stomach as they lay in the darkness, mulling over what Kyle had said. Butters seemed to be trying to burrow as far away as possible, and Kenny caressed his cheek as he stared up at the ceiling.

The minutes ticked away and soon Stan's deep breathing was heard. Kenny glanced at the couch, and from the light shining in from the small window, he could see both Kyle and Stan were fast asleep. He glanced down at Butters, who was looking up at him with glittering eyes, and Kenny smiled sleepily down at him.

"What's up, Buttercup?" He asked in a whisper, then ran his hands through his hair. The bright blonde shrugged his shoulders and lightly scratched his nails over Kenny's stomach.

"What could possibly be worse than rape and death?" Butters whispered, then leaned upward when feeling Kenny's forehead press against his lovingly. The darker blonde sighed heavily and Butters couldn't help but shiver as his hand delicately caressed his back; lovingly, soothingly.

"If it happens to you... because you can't come back," Butters tensed at that; and realized Kenny was right. He also realized he should have been dead for two years, but that bit of information would be tucked away for good; no one would understand and he didn't want to worry Kenny.

Butters felt Kenny fidget with his pocket, then pull out a white pill bottle. Butters tilted his head and Kenny turned it around; ibuprofen.

"I have a headache," he murmured, then quickly popped two pills in his mouth. Butters couldn't take medicine dry; he always gagged. "I mean, I don't know what could be worse than dying and rape for me... except losing you."

"Well, Kenneth," Butters murmured, then pressed his lips against the corner of his mouth, "you're in luck. Because I will never leave you. Not until you're ready to die." Kenny smiled and lifted his chin to kiss him. The bright blonde threaded his hands in his hair and felt himself relax as he felt the warmth of Kenny all around him, surrounding him, and shielding him from the cold and the endless possibilities of what could be. "I do think we're sharing brain waves though," Butters whispered, causing Kenny to smile and hold him tighter.

"Shocker," he teased, then pressed their noses together. "But I just have this feeling... that really, everything is gonna be okay. I mean, there's a little bit of impending doom-" Butters snorted, "but that's understandable. We're gonna be taking care of your little sibling; that's some scary shit. But... we're gonna be okay."

Butters smiled against his chest and closed his eyes as he listened to the gentle drumming of his heart. Kenny's chest rose and fell slowly, in time to every beat, and Butters felt himself drift off to sleep from his loving fingers running through his hair.

Time fell away from him. He was endless and he wished to someone he could have an end date, an expiration date. Kenny lost himself in seconds and minutes and hours, and found himself watching the sun rise through the tiny basement window. He couldn't sleep right now; he was too afraid to sleep. He couldn't risk it; he wasn't tired anyway.

At about seven in the morning he gave up on getting any rest and watched Butters sleep. His cheeks were a light pink and the expression on his face reminded him of when they were eight years old. He was calm and content, safe in his arms. And Kenny felt warm. Kenny felt useful.

Because, as he looked to Kyle and Stan, he realized that up until Butters he had been practically pointless. They didn't realize he wasn't necessary. Kyle, Stan, and Cartman could function just fine, if not better, without him. Butters probably could have as well. As a child they had openly told him he wasn't one of their friends unless it really mattered; like the Shakey's Pizza incident and trying to find the candy shopping spree ticket. If he had something, which he rarely did, then they cared. He knew it wasn't the case today, but he knew that if he were absent from their lives they could potentially be better off. Knowing this made it hard for him to function sometimes; they were all his best friends and he knew he wouldn't be sane if it weren't for them.

He couldn't help but wonder if they felt the same about him.