Chapter 2: What's left
Huge machinery crews working on the streets, hundreds of people walking on the sidewalks and rubble marked with yellow signs. Gojou is amazed at how much the Kyoto landscape has changed, how tall the buildings have become. As if he has been put inside a time machine. He has been to Kyoto hundreds of times, but now he doesn't even seem to remember it. He tries to find something familiar, some structure that is still intact despite the passage of time, but there is none, even doubting his own perception of the city.
Usually he always has everything he needs in the pockets of his jacket, as they are quite spacious. But the only thing he carries with him this time is a cell phone with a broken screen, one that won't even turn on. He realizes this when he arrives at the food stall where Kasumi stopped the car to buy kikufuku. This is the first occasion in his life when someone has to buy him something because he simply has no money. And only at this moment he wonders if his credit cards still work, if the funds coming from his clan are still intact since he was sealed, and who might be taking care of everything now.
Most likely they are searching high and low for him now that they know he's back, as the clan's position must have been severely affected in his absence. In fact, perhaps it doesn't even exist anymore. But for the moment, those uncertainties are not too important to him, at least not now that he is trying to reconnect with Kasumi and has managed to get her to at least accept his friendship. Whether the clan exists or not, knowing it wouldn't change anything.
"You've moved," Gojou comments as he watches the journey they took after making their purchase, taking a bite of the kikufuku she just bought for him. "Want some?" he offers her with sugar-stained lips and she refuses.
"Enjoy it," she says, smiling softly, "Yes, we moved... I found a big house and bought it a few years ago. We had to do some renovations, it was a bit neglected."
"You bought a house!?"
"Well, the real estate market crashed after the incident... I practically got it for free. The yen is worth nothing on the international market. Besides, I had savings, I'm very good at that sort of thing."
"You're good at a lot of things, Kasumi-chan."
"Stop it... Don't be a suck-up. And remember that Kano and Sochi don't know anything... I don't want you to say something and then..."
"Don't worry, it'll be our little secret."
"Don't say it like that... it sounds... wrong."
"That's why they say forbidden things are the best," Miwa looks straight into his eyes with an expression that needs no words. "Alright, alright, I won't say anything."
At noon, Miwa's little blue car arrives at the residential area on the outskirts of Kyoto, her home is located between small low-roofed houses and a couple of apartment buildings set between narrow streets. It's the kind of place that makes one think nothing has happened, one of the places that hasn't been tainted by the post-Shibuya misfortunes, or so it seems at first glance.
There is a small park with board games where a couple of old men play with chips and a few children run around with their mothers talking, sitting on wooden benches.
The heat is intense, the sky is so clear that the summer sun beats down on the region and a few sparrows sing nearby, nesting on electric poles.
Miwa parks in front of a two-story house with large windows, white walls and dark tiles. From outside Gojou can see the sheets and clothes hanging at the back of the house, drying in the sun. She turns off the car and turns for a moment to Gojou; she has intentionally not told him what he'll find inside. Perhaps because this is an important factor and will succeed in dissuading him from whatever idea he has insisted on so far. She parts her lips with the idea of giving him an advance, but at the last moment she decides not to tell him anything, he doesn't even looks in her direction. He looks carefully at the house, and she wonders if he has already seen it all, with that powerful inherited technique.
They get out of the car and he doesn't stop looking inside until she walks beside him and follows straight to the door. Satoru copies her footsteps without saying a word of everything he's thinking, walking cautiously behind Miwa. Even before they enter, Gojou clearly hears laughter and when Miwa opens the front door, he recognizes a male voice and feels a scent sneak through his nose; homemade food.
"I'm home!" Kasumi announces, taking off her shoes at the entrance and Satoru sees a small head of black hair peeking down the hallway.
"Kasumi! Kasumi's back!" shouts a little girl who comes out of nowhere, one who looks to be at least seven years old. She runs in their direction rocking her braids behind her, blinded by Kasumi's arrival so much that she doesn't even notice him.
As Gojou takes off his shoes, he sees Kasumi bend down and receive an effusive hug from the little girl. The other one, the black-haired one, continues to hide behind the wall watching their arrival. He emerges from his hiding spot a short time later, walking slowly and timidly up to them. He's a chubby boy, who appears to be the same age as the girl, perhaps a year or two older than her. Satoru raises a hand and greets them both with a smile. The boy doesn't take his eyes off him and only then does the other little girl notice his presence.
"Who are you?" asks the girl.
"This is Gojou Satoru, an old friend," Kasumi introduces him. "Gojou" says standing up, "this is Hiro" The boy bows to him, "and Usagi" The girl blushes and then does the same as Hiro, neither one can take their eyes off him.
"Kasumi?"
Gojou sees from the other side of the hallway a tall young man, he immediately recognizes the spark of annoyance radiating in his dark gaze. He has a mitten on his right hand, is stirring a pan with his left hand and is dressed in a white apron.
"Kasumi has brought a friend!" shouts the girl and runs to take Gojou by the hand and drag him down the corridor.
"Ah... it's him."
"Long time no see, Kano-kun. I thought you'd have grown up more. Oh, look at that... you have a mustache now..." Gojou comments, pointing above his lips.
"What?! N-no, but I shaved this morning..." he blushes and suddenly seems to wake up from that distracting idea. "Huh... Of course I have a mustache! I'm a man!"
"Your friend is very tall, Kasumi..." the girl babbles, with Gojou still clinging to her hand. Satoru immediately notices the way she looks at him, it reminds him slightly of Kasumi's look that day when he gave her a talisman.
"I'm still taller than you, Kano, what are you, six feet tall?"
"I'm almos six feet one!" he answers, frowning.
"GOJOU-SENSEI!"
The loud call makes them turn around. The voice has changed noticeably, the last time he saw him he was barely twelve, but he still didn't look like a pre-teen, puberty had taken its time with him. Just by turning to see him, he smiles broadly at him. He doesn't take a moment to run barefoot to meet him, his footsteps echoing on the polished wood and without warning he wraps himself around his waist and hugs him. Satoru raises his hands in surprise, releasing Usagui's small hand to look over his lap. The boy has grown up, but he recognizes him, his face has changed, his elongated features lost almost all the childish fat on his cheeks, but he's still the same tender boy who threw up his shirt at A-cho.
"Sochi..." he says, stroking his hair.
He takes a deep breath, seems to be holding back tears. He hugs him tightly and hides his face over Gojou's uniform. This is the first hug he has received in five years and he smiles to himself as he strokes Sochi's soft dark hair.
"Kasumi said you were trapped," he whimpers, lifting his chin to see his face.
"Hey... I'm fine, I'm too strong, remember?"
"Hey! Hey! Hey! Don't hug him like that, let go, let go of him!" Kano scolds, pushing him with his bare foot to get him away from Satoru, as he still has both hands occupied.
Gojou hears between the screams, Kasumi's soft laughter. He turns in her direction and feels his chest fill with a familiar feeling, he can't remember the last time he heard her laugh for real. She hasn't done so with any of his jokes so far and the sound brings him relief, as do childish giggles and unbridled screams. As a sensei he has become habituated to this, it feels familiar and already for an instant he no longer feels alienated. However, the blooming sensation on his chest doesn't last long when he feels an energy approaching in his direction. The same one he thought he sensed when they parked in front of the house. Instinctively, Satoru activates his technique and clenches a fist, listens with inhuman attention to every creak of the wood and analyzes every movement of the boys inside the house. He turns around and finally sees him; a small boy with white hair and gray eyes.
The boy looks him straight in the eye, there is so much disinterest in his gaze that he doesn't look like a mere child. In fact, he's not, his eyes open on him, all six of them, and he looks at him, looks at every corner of him, the visible and the invisible. The child is a pure stream of cursed energy, well stored, retained. His pupils meet despite the blindfold over his face and Gojou finds nothing but an immense emptiness, a tired disinterest.
Then an idea comes over him, one that disturbs him. He looks closely at the color of his hair, gray and white, the long eyelashes and the clear eyes devoid of emotion. He is at least three feet tall, looks to be between five and six years old. The dates match and he swallows suddenly, coming to a conclusion that chills his blood. His lips part, terrified by the possibility, but he cannot articulate a word.
"He's Hideki," Miwa comments, standing beside him, and he turns to look her in the eye. "Did you notice?" she asks and then is puzzled by Satoru's unhinged expression; she looks at the boy and then at Satoru again and they seem to have suddenly shared a thought. Kasumi's big eyes grow even bigger. "You don't think that... No! N-no! Of course not!" she shouts, her face immediately turning red. "Hideki isn't... he's just... Uhm."
"What are you two talking about?" Kano asks, looking at them sideways.
"H-Hideki, Hiro and Usagui are survivors... I-I found them on my missions and brought them with me."
"You adopt them?" Gojou asks, regaining his composure, catching his breath.
"Something like that."
Satoru sighs.
"What a relief, I almost had a heart attack. Well, it's not like I was planning to walk out if," Kasumi puts a hand over his mouth and stops him from speaking further.
"We're just in time for lunch!" she shouts with exaggerated enthusiasm.
Kano watches them out of the corner of his eye, his eyes half-mast. His dark pupils flick wearily from one to the other and he arches an eyebrow. He stirs the steaming pan in his hands, beginning to suspect what this is all about.
"Stay and eat with us, Gojou-sensei!" Sochi exclaims and Kasumi nods.
"Set the table, the food will be ready in a minute," says Kano, with the same unfriendly expression.
Usagi takes him by the hand again, dragging him to the dining room with completely bewitched eyes.
"Help Kano, I'll go take a quick shower and be right back. Be hospitable to Gojou, did you hear me Kano?"
"Yeah, yeah, I heard you."
Satoru sits at the head of the table, with Usagui on one side and Hiro next to her. Sochi hurries to put the dishes on the table and helps Kano serve the food while they wait for Kasumi to return. But Gojou can't take his attention away from Hideki.
The smallest of the trio sits away from him, both hands in the pockets of his hoodie. He hasn't opened his mouth to greet him, hasn't said anything at all, and looks at him sideways with little or no interest.
"Hideki doesn't talk," Sochi says, extending a plate to Gojou. "At least he hasn't since Kasumi brought him in. But he always carries a notebook and writes to communicate with us."
Kasumi was probably referring to the boy's cursed energy when she asked him if he would have noticed it by now.
"How long ago did he arrive?" Gojou asks.
"A year and a half ago," Sochi answers.
Kasumi returns just as Kano puts the last steaming pot on the table, sits down next to him, still drying her hair with a towel which she then leaves on the back of her chair. She's dressed in a white shirt and tailored pants again. His inspection is distracted when the six of them thank for the food in unison and pounce on the rice and fish croquettes.
He doesn't notice the way he smiles as Miwa fills his plate, but he can't shake that expression from his face. Kasumi's plate is still empty but the first thing on her mind was to fill his.
"You haven't eaten in forever, have you?" she says to him, putting down several pieces with her chopsticks. "You need to get your strength back, you worked so hard this morning."
"Kasumi, he's a grown man, you don't have to treat him like a child," interrupts Kano, making his sister blush, "and what do you mean this morning, did he spend the night with you?" His comment almost completely fades into the background when Gojou exclaims after taking his first bite.
"Ah, Kano-kun, I didn't know you could cook so well! Try this, Kasumi," he tells her, picking up a kibble with his chopsticks, directing it towards Kasumi's lips.
Her heart leaps out of her chest at the sight of Gojou trying to feed her in front of her family. Her lips feel sealed and an intense heat is born from the pit of her stomach and it rises up her torso to her chest, floods her cheeks and ears. But to make a fuss at this point would expose her, if the color of her skin hasn't already.
Kano watches in horror as his sister embarrassedly opens her mouth. She bites the kibble and smiles as she nods.
"Hey! don't feed my sister in the mouth!"
"I want to try it too, Gojou-sensei," Usagui says and then opens her mouth and points inside.
"You too? Here you go," he replies and takes a kibble again to give it to Usagui.
"The two of them always eat my food! It's nothing new!"
"Kano, you're not being hospitable," says Sochi.
"Why is he wearing a bandage? Is he hurt?"
For the first time since he arrived, he hears Hiro's shy voice. He stops to look at him and finds curiosity in his brown eyes.
Satoru lifts a part of his blindfold with his thumb and looks at him with his right eye; Usagui and Hiro are dumbfounded to see the particular tone of his gaze and he winks at them.
"I just look so good that I have to hide half of my face."
"Your friend is so handsome, Kasumi!" Usagui exclaims, completely in love with Gojou.
Kasumi feels the urge to kick Gojou under the table, but the kids don't seem to have noticed anything and that puts her slightly at ease. She smiles again at the sight of Gojou eating together with her family. Slowly cementing in her mind, the idea that he really is back, that he's alive and that he's there. There is a strange sense of normalcy permeating the atmosphere as the children ask Gojou questions, as he asks Kano about his mangas and Sochi comments that they'll be adopting a dog in a week's time. As the minutes pass, her brother finally seems to relax and stop looking so hostile at Gojou, which leaves her calmer.
After finishing her meal, Kasumi looks at the watch on her wrist. She still has time to turn in her report on the cleanup of southern Tokyo before office hours are over. She gets up from the table, but not before excusing herself and turns to Satoru.
"I have a couple of things to do, but feel free to stay. I won't be long, there are a few things I'd like to talk about when I get back. Is that okay?"
"I guess I can't go with you. That's okay, anyway, I'd rather no one knows I'm in Kyoto yet."
"And you, don't be late for school," she says to the children.
This answer seems strange to her, however, Kasumi knows well that there are matters that are best discussed without the children's big ears. So, she nods, keeps silent and leaves the house with her briefcase in hand.
Gojou watches her leave, then hears the children's footsteps, running toward the second floor. He recognizes Hiro's voice, reprimanding something about his uniform to Usagui in a tired tone. Kano and Sochi are in the kitchen, washing dishes, and it doesn't take the younger one long to run off after the children. Then the three of them come downstairs, all wearing their school attire. Kano comes out of the kitchen and holds out a bowl of food to Sochi.
"Take it to Grandma," he says and leaves, also hurrying to his bedroom, "I have to go to work."
Sochi fixes his tie, having trouble fixing the knot with the bowl under his arm, so Satoru approaches and takes it from between his hands.
"Thank you," he says as he leaves the knot neatly tied, "Why don't you come with me to Grandma's house? Kasumi always sends some food to her and Grandpa. You'll like them."
Satoru nods and leaves the house with the children and Sochi, the three younger ones take their leave, walking in the opposite direction. Sochi smiles at him again, as if he can't contain the excitement of seeing him again, and then looks back at the house next to his.
"Grandma Chou is our neighbor, she takes care of the kids from time to time. Grandpa Shin is always sleeping and is very old, since they don't have children we help them from time to time, plus they always make cookies for us."
Sochi knocks on the door and after a few seconds of Satoru looking around, the door opens. Mrs. Chou is a little old lady, wrapped in a thickly woven shawl despite the midsummer. At the mere sight of them she gives a friendly smile and opens the door wide.
"Sochi, honey," she says in an endearing tone, as if she hasn't seen him in months. "Come in, come in. Oh... and who's your friend?" she asks as they both enter.
Despite not being very used to behaving respectfully in front of his elders, Satoru bows slightly to the lady, just after seeing Sochi do it. Having him next to him has served as a reminder of what it looks like to have manners.
"Grandma Chou, this is Gojou-sensei, he's Kasumi's friend. Here," he says, holding out the container Kano prepared for her, "we came to bring you this."
"How nice, did Kano-kun make it?"
"Yes."
"Oh, children, please sit down. Mr. Shin is taking a nap."
"Actually," Sochi lets go with some regret, "I have to go to school... I'm very sorry, Grandma Chou, I'll be back in the afternoon."
"Sure, kiddo, go, go, study hard," she replies, gesturing with the back of her hand to hurry the boy's pace. "Gojou-kun, would you be a sweetheart and help an old lady in the meantime? Or do you have something to do?"
Satoru observes Grandma Chou's tender and manipulative smile. He really didn't expect to end up sharing his afternoon with an old lady, instead of Kasumi. But he has to find something to kill time with until she returns.
"Sure, Grandma. What do you need?"
...
Satoru wonders how much sense it made to accept Mrs. Chou's ladder to climb up to the roof to clean her gutters. Since he hasn't shared much of his time with ordinary humans, it seemed like the right thing to do. He wouldn't want to kill her with a heart attack and end up being hated, not only by the growing Miwa family, but also by the entire neighborhood. If he could kill one old man with a heart attack, it would have been Gakuganji, and as he thinks about it he wonders if he has died by now.
The sweet old lady put him to work within seconds of meeting him, which she has probably done with Kano, Sochi and Kasumi. And while he doesn't like roasting alive on the roof of this house, it's a good distraction. Kasumi won't be back for several hours and he has no intention of returning to Tokyo for the time being.
When he finishes and goes unnecessarily down the stairs, Grandma Chou comes out the back door with a glass of orange juice on a small tray.
"You must be hot, boy. Here, I just made it," Satoru takes the glass after thanking her and drinks it. The taste of sugar and citrus melts in his throat as if it's the first time he's ever drunk orange juice. "It's from my orange tree, they came out quite sweet this year."
Mrs. Chou looks at him again, she does it with great attention and insight.
"I'm done, Grandma," Gojou says and puts the glass on the tray that the old woman is holding.
"You're taller than the door of my house! Oh, would you mind changing the light bulb in the kitchen? It's been flickering for the past few nights, and I can't get Mr. Shin to change it. The truth is, he can't recognize that he can't even climb a ladder, so he's always putting off fixing the house. With each passing year he gets prouder and prouder, and older and crankier."
Satoru laughs and nods again.
By the time he changes the light bulb in the kitchen she again asks him with incomparable kindness to oil the hinges on the kitchen cabinets, then asks him to fix the TV antenna, and finally to water her garden.
"I baked some cookies for you!" she says, calling to him from the door.
"I've never been paid in cookies before, but it's not so bad..." he says to himself, returning to the house.
From the kitchen they hear the snoring of her old husband, lying on the sofa in the other room. Satoru has caught a glimpse of him, his face lost under a sits and breathes in, he has to admit that this life has its charm, especially when he feels the aroma of butter and sugar melting into a soft dough permeating the walls.
Grandma Chou serves a plate for Gojou and then hands him a cup of coffee. She watches him put in five sugar cubes and then a sixth and then a seventh.
"Wow, kid, you sure have a taste for sugar. Hey, I know I'm an old fuddy-duddy and I surely don't understand the fashions of you youngsters, but... could you do me a favor and take that nonsense off your face and let me see you?"
"I'm sorry Grandma, where are my manners?" Gojou smiles again and heeds her request, although he knows very well that he usually has no manners at all. He got used to calling her Grandma in the blink of an eye and hasn't addressed her with any honorifics since he met her. He removes his blindfold and his pale hair falls messily over his face.
"Oh, look at that! But if you're a looker, you must be a chick magnet. Oh, if I were a few years younger I'd be batting my eyelashes right now. With a face like that you should be on magazine covers and not hiding it with that blindfold."
"You don't look so bad for your age either," Gojou replies, popping another cookie into his mouth.
"So bad for your age," she replies, furrowing her wrinkled brow. "What's cute about you is rude. You don't say things like that to a woman my age, but I'll take it anyway, who could be upset with a boy as cute as you?" she replies, sipping her tea. "Gojou-kun, you're sensei, right?"
"Well... I was a few years ago, I guess you could say I'm unemployed now."
"We are living in hard times, getting a job nowadays is quite a journey. Let me ask you something, are you a shaman like Kasumi-chan?"
"I am, grandmother, how observant..."
"Don't flatter me so much, it's not so difficult to identify you. Shamans always have something particular that distinguishes them from the others and I must say that you are quite striking. But you have nothing to worry about, in this neighborhood people like you are welcome."
Satoru catches her comment in the air and understands the implicit message that lies in her words. If he is welcome here, that means there are neighborhoods in Japan where shamans are not.
"I didn't know there were people who disliked us."
"You didn't know that?"
"I've... been out of the country for the past few years."
"Oh, so Kasumi-chan hasn't brought you up to date yet. The last time she went out to exorcise, the locals kicked her out. They almost stoned the poor girl, I think some people still don't understand what she does for a living. They think that sorcerers are the cause of everything that's happening in Japan..."
"In a way... they are not so wrong."
"You mean that guy, right? The one who caused all this... Yes, I know there are sorcerers who are not like Kasumi-chan. I must say that I was wary at first, but when she arrived she saved several neighbors from a terrible curse. I can't say she saved them all, but now that she lives here we all feel very safe. Whenever she goes out on a mission we always pray for her safe return. In fact, she has several boys in the neighborhood in love with her, she's a very pretty girl, don't you think?"
"She's gotten prettier over the years."
"And you, Gojou-kun, what brings you here?"
He should say Kasumi is the answer, but he senses that this nosy old woman already knows. He senses it in her question and in the way she looks at him intently, occasionally drinking from her cup.
"Kasumi-chan," he replies and takes a cookie again.
"Oh, I'm so glad you said that. That girl has been single for quite a while and it's about time she gets married. A woman her age can't carry so many children alone, do you have any idea how difficult it is? I only had one child and although I was always a housewife, it used to be a full time job. Children are exhausting work, even as adults, you are always worrying about them. It's like your heart is walking around outside your own body. But I guess that's what motherly love is like," she finishes and then sighs.
"Where's your son, Grandma?"
"My dear son... he died."
"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that."
"He died in that incident in Tokyo five years ago," they are both silent, nothing can be heard in the room but the whistling of her husband's nose, who sleeps in the next room. "He traveled to see his girlfriend and got trapped in the station... When he died I thought I would die of sadness myself, in fact, the next few years I did nothing but wait impatiently for my own death. It wasn't until Kasumi and the boys arrived that I felt like living again. Then she brought a child, then another and then another," she smiles, reluctantly, "And I believe she will continue to bring every child that comes her way. Kasumi-chan knows what it feels like to be an orphan, that's why I think she would be unable to leave them to their fate... She has the spirit of a mother, she would do the impossible for those children. But she's still too young for so many burdens, would you be willing to share that weight with her? I must tell you that, although I am glad you are so interested in her, I must warn you that dating a single mother is not easy. You have to take things very seriously or you can end up hurting an entire family."
"Grandma, you're really nosy, has anyone told you?"
Old lady Chou lets out a laugh.
"I guess you've never been taught any manners, have you?" she says as she continues to laugh. "I like your sincerity, Gojou-kun."
"So... Kasumi has been single for quite a while, huh?" he asks pretending to be disinterested.
"Since she broke up with that other guy a few years ago, she hasn't dated again. I guess she doesn't have much free time."
"Her partner?"
"Yes, he was a good boy. Kasumi doesn't talk much about him."
Gojou swallows, suddenly the coffee doesn't seem to have enough sugar.
...
She holds a bouquet of white flowers in both hands. Has handed over her report to that pair who always manage to make her feel that she's nothing more than a mere object, a tool for the government. She chose not to mention Gojou's presence, nor his participation in the mission, as he wasn't part of the agreement. While at first it was difficult to hide certain things in her reports, over time she came to understand that they were not interested in the process, but rather in the outcome. If the cities south of Tokyo are clean, there's not much more they should know.
As she walks among gravestones, she passes the memorial to the fallen in Shibuya, glances sideways at it, as he always does, and detours to leave a flower at the foot of the structure that is engraved with hundreds of names of the people who perished that day. There is still room to include more names, as it was impossible to enter the territory to identify the rest of the victims. Many of them are probably still listed as missing, and even if they could have entered Tokyo to identify them, most of them were manipulated by a horrendous cursed technique that left them unrecognizable.
Kasumi walks back to the grave she visits every year, always with some delay. Arriving at the site, she reads the inscription, leaves the flowers and sits down on the ground, leaning against the headstone.
Miwa Akiko
A gentle summer breeze welcomes her and Kasumi sighs wearily, her shoulders slump and she looks up at the clear sky and a light smile lifts the corners of her lips.
"Hi Mom," she says softly, "I'm sorry I couldn't come to see you for your birthday. I was working..."
She's silent, there are not many people in the cemetery this day and she has only seen a couple wandering several feet away, paying their respects. Kasumi takes incense out of her pocket and lights it on the grave, then blows on it a couple of times to fan the small flame and when a faint line of grayish smoke wafts from the incense, she goes back to lean against her mother's grave.
"I hope you're happy to know that Kano has become a man. I couldn't have asked for a better brother, thank you..." she says, turning to someone not sitting next to her. "Sochi's having some trouble in school, not getting the best grades... I think I should spend more time at home to help him out, but I've had so much work lately that it's made it impossible. I'm seriously thinking of taking a position in the Anomaly Division, Takagi and Shimada told me they are forming shaman squads. The pay is not as good as working privately, and if I accept I wouldn't be able to work directly for the Kamo clan... but I would have life insurance and medical coverage for all the children. I have to start thinking about what would happen to them if... if things go wrong... Do you think I should accept?" she asks to nothing and gets no answer. "I wish you could answer me, I know you are still there... Are you taking care of me? I suspect so, otherwise I don't understand why I'm still alive... You know, mom... he's back..." Kasumi feels her chest shudder, a slight pain that bends her heart and pulls at her throat. Just saying it out loud makes her eyes water. "He told me he loves me, but I think he's just lonely... Anyway, I'm happy to see him again, I'm glad he's alive, but I'm worried about him. He's acting so casual... as if nothing happened. I know he and Nanami-san were good friends, if it were me... What should I do? I'm kind of confused, Mom..." she says and her lips twist, eyes burning, "Mommy... I'm supposed to be the adult, I'm supposed to know what to do at all times. Why don't I know what to do now? I feel so lost... and so alone... And I shouldn't feel that way, I have the kids and Sochi and Kano. I should be grateful to have them in my life, I'm ungrateful, aren't I?" She says and a tear falls on her cheek. "I wish I had you with me now, you know? I wish I could listen to your advice... Like you did before. You would know what to do, you always knew what to do even before you died. How were you so strong even knowing you were going to leave us? I'm not as strong as you... I only pretend to be. I'm terrified at the thought of leaving the kids, even though I know Kano would do a good job without me, I know he would find a way to manage. Is that what you thought of me, that I would find a way? I guess I'm just tired..." she says and forces a smile as she wipes the tears from her face. "This whole thing with Gojou has got me a little sensitive, I thought I was over
Notes: Thank yo so much Mint Esthete for your comment. I've seen you in the spanish fandom haha. Thank you so much for your support to all the autors that write for this ship.
I hope you all liked this chapter, see you in the next one!