Chapter 3
(Vibe: Flesh And Bone by Keaton Henson)
No matter how hard she tried to make the move without Daryl noticing, he always caught her in the act. And today was no different.
He had returned, while she was still working on dragging her tent closer to his space. She was half way though the task, when she realized he was watching her.
He didn't look as surprised or as confused as he had the first time he'd seen her. In fact, she was sure that she actually seen him roll his eyes at her efforts, before he shook his head and returned to what he was doing.
It had been three days and in that time she had grown more concerned for his well being. She knew the effects of insomnia couldn't account for all of the issues that Daryl was dealing with. But she guessed that it definitely was the cause of a few of them and that it was only making the other problems more intense and harder for him to handle.
She had a few ideas of how she could help him, but all of her ideas involved her getting closer to him.
She had to accept that right now, the only thing she could do was work on getting him comfortable with her presence.
Once he returned back from dragging the last corpse from their area, he seemed almost lost, like he didn't know what to do.
She watched him as he looked around the space, gnawing at his lower lip.
It wasn't to long ago, that she could look at Daryl and have a pretty good idea of what was going through his head. But right now, she didn't have a clue.
She got up form her spot and started collecting branches, so she could make a small fire and cook her breakfast.
She noticed Daryl starring at her, but she didn't draw attention to it. Instead she kept doing what she was doing and hoped that he could see that she had no intention of doing him any harm. She simply wanted to exist in the same space as him.
In truth she wasn't sure if Michonne was right or wrong. She didn't know if Daryl had somehow lost his memory or if he had simply lost his trust in every human on the face of the planet.
There were times when Daryl looked at her as if he didn't know her, at the very least, like he didn't know what to expect from her. He seemed to view her as being just as unpredictable and she viewed him.
Daryl's face seemed to soften slightly as she sat down and started making her breakfast. For a single second she noticed him take a step in her direction. It looked as though the movement was involuntary. Maybe there was no serious thought behind it. Maybe there was something about the scene he was watching, that triggered something in his memory.
He had a place beside her, that place had been on reserve for a very long time. He didn't need to ask for it and he didn't need to do anything to take it. He just needed to sit. Then they could eat and talk, like they always had.
He could tell her whatever he was comfortable with telling her and she she wouldn't push for more then that. Eventually she would find someway to make him smile and then they would enjoy each others company in silence, until it was time to rest.
But Daryl didn't take his spot. He stopped himself before he took another step in her direction. It looked as though the simple idea of walking over to her, had been enough to set something off in his head.
Quickly he wrapped his arms around himself and roughly shook his head, before he hurried off into the woods again. Alone.
She fought the urge to follow after him or call out to him. It didn't matter that he didn't want her company, those instincts were still there. She still felt the need to comfort him.
He'd only taken a few steps into the cover of the woods, when the Walker caught both their eyes. It was approaching Daryl quickly and she noticed his hand instantly go for his knife.
She knew Daryl could handle himself, he'd proved that time and time again, but it didn't stop her from watching him and readying herself to help him, if he needed it.
He took the Walker down with ease and without skipping a beat she watched his whole form freeze and angle himself to the side. She quickly realized what his intentions where and jumped to her feet.
"Daryl. Stop" she snapped.
Daryl spun around to face her, watching as she quickly approached.
She had every intention of getting closer to him, but she stopped when she noticed him back up slightly.
"You can't do that" she said firmly, trying to hide her frustration.
Daryl seemed surprised and curious more then anything. His brow was creased and he was frowning at her, but he hadn't made another move to leave.
"You just killed a Walker. You need to at least wipe that knife off"
Daryl looked down at the walker, then to his knife and then over to the spot where the rabbit had been, before he looked back to her. When his eyes found hers again, it was obvious that he was annoyed with her.
He quickly turned on his heels and started briskly marching off into the woods.
"I know you don't care. But I do. You could get sick, I know you know this Daryl" she called out as he wondered away from her sights.
She heard him growl out a noise of irritation before he swiped the knife over his pants. She was sure that he only did it because he knew she was following after him and he wanted to be alone. But he had listened to her, he had acknowledged her request, she couldn't help but be excited about that.
She didn't think Daryl was was being careless, from where she was standing, she feared it was more that he just wasn't thinking clearly.
She made her way back to their small clearing, after taking down some walkers, that had been heading towards their campsite.
When she got back, she found that Daryl had returned while she was gone, after being away all day.
He had fresh blood on his hands and around his mouth, letting her knot that he had recently eaten. She didn't like the idea of him eating animals raw, but she knew there wasn't much she could do about that right now. She decided to just be happy that he had eaten something.
She could see it in his posture and in the blank expression on his face, that something was pulling at his mind, something was trying to drag him deep inside of himself, to a place where no one could reach him and he had no hopes of escaping.
It almost seemed like Daryl was sucked in, as soon as he had nothing to occupy himself with. Once he had nothing to worry himself with, his mind would wonder and she would lose him to the war that was going on behind his eyes.
There were few things in this life that she had witnessed, more tragic then watching Daryl in this state. She felt like she lost him over and over again. Sometimes, as she watched him, she wondered if she could ever bring him back from this. She knew she would never give up and she would never stop trying, but she also wondered if it was pointless.
She sunk down to the ground when he started pacing. Like everything else that was happening to Daryl, there was nothing she could do to help him. All she had to offer, was to make sure he was safe in his surroundings while he lost himself.
He was still a few hundred feet away, but she was close enough to see the pained expression on his face and hear the noises erupt from his chest, whenever everything became to much for him to bare.
The grunts and growls were often low grumbles that scratched their way out of his throat, but sometimes, like right now, they sounded more like yelling or begging.
He wanted it to stop and he was obviously pleading with something to leave him alone, but whatever it was that plagued him, didn't let up. There wasn't anything she could do but watch as he roared at nothing and began smacking his palms into the sides of his own head.
She tried to choke back the stinging in her own throat and the burning in her eyes, but there was no use in fighting it. The sight was simply to much for her take in, without her emotions getting the better of her.
The sounds he was making inevitably drew walkers in on them and she quickly grabbed her knife to fight of the two, that came stumbling through the woods towards them. She had assumed Daryl was far to caught up to notice them and initially maybe he had been, but he soon realized they were making their way into the space.
The pain and fear she had seen etched in his eyes was suddenly wiped clean and was replaced with rage. She stopped and stood still, watching as he suddenly stopped pacing and ran at the walkers.
He took down the closest with a quick stab of his knife, but he didn't offer the same treatment to the second. She watched as he launched himself at the walker and tackled it to the ground before he started plunging his knife into the walker, needlessly and violently.
She knew he was unleashing something inside of him onto the rotted corpse and that only served to make her heart ache more, knowing he had something so angry and explosive stuck inside of him.
Eventually his body gave in and he let himself fall back. He sat in the dirt starring at the corpse, but she doubted he was focusing on it. He was still caught up in his own thoughts, but they didn't have the same grasp that they'd had on him only minutes before. And for that she was grateful.
When Daryl returned from dragging the bodies of the walkers away, most of the evidence from his most recent episode, was drained from his expression, but she feared it wouldn't take much before he was dragged in once more.
As he made his way back into the space he stopped and watched her again, as she started to prepare dinner.
She looked over at him as she worked and forced a weak smile at him, that he seemingly ignored. There was something about what she was doing that interested him, but she didn't know why it caught his attention. She decided that she was going to take a chance.
"I have plenty. You can come and eat with me if you want" she offered as she hung the pot over the flames.
Daryl eyed her cautiously, but he didn't run away. She tried to hide her eagerness to continue on, she reminded herself to keep her tone light.
He tilted his head to the side wrapped his arms around his chest, obviously interested in something she was doing.
"You love my cooking? You always have" she pointed out casually.
For some reason, those words made him frown at her and she quickly tried to think of a way she could back track or change the subject, while still hanging onto it.
"You must be getting tired of raw meat. Right?" she questioned, forcing another smile, hoping to calm him down. But it didn't work.
He dropped his head looked down at his feet, starring at them before he slowly walked over to the stream. The expression on his face was one she hadn't seen over the last few days. There was no vacancy in his gaze, no pain or overwhelming fear. Right now, Daryl just looked sad and she was sure that something she had said had brought those feelings on.