Chapter 9
(Vibe: 5am by Amber Run )
She could feel the fine layer of sweat forming on her brow, brought on by the fire that she was hovering around to make their dinner.
Some nights Daryl would sit with her while she cooked for him. He usually stared her down while she worked. Not that she minded. She was just happy to have his company.
She talked, aimlessly about anything that came into her head, never really knowing if he was listening to a single word.
But tonight was different.
After Michonne had left, she'd waited for him come back. She had waited on him for hours, but he never returned to the campsite.
It was late when he finally wandered back, with his shoulders squared off tightly and his head hanging. He was gnawing away at his thumb, while shaking his head and growling to himself. She knew he was at the end of an episode.
It horrified her to think that he had been out there alone, while he was going through something like that.
Most of the time, Daryl seemed to have a good sense of his surroundings. He seemed aware when a walker was getting near him and he was able to defend himself. What she was worried about, was that one day, he wouldn't be so observant. That one day, he would be caught off guard and not realize that he was in danger.
"Daryl?"
His pacing paused and he set his tired eyes on her.
"Come have dinner?" she asked, smiling softly at him.
He made no move to join her and she could tell from the expression on his face, that he wished she'd leave him be.
"Just come and have something to eat. I'll leave you alone, but only after toy have something to eat." she promised.
Still, he didn't move.
"You need to eat." she reminded him, because it seemed like he genuinely forgot sometimes that he did actually have to eat.
He grunted and growled at her. But finally moved his feet towards her.
He glared at her as he sat in his usual spot and she couldn't help but let the angered expression upset her.
It wasn't like him. He never used to look a her like that, but since she had found him out here, he looked at her like this all the time.
She frustrated him now, she upset him, she crowded him and angered him. She wasn't used to making him feel this way. It hurt knowing that he was having these reactions to her.
His eyes were locked on the flames while she finished making dinner. He didn't look up when she was serving it into the bowls and he didn't notice her crushing the sleeping pills and mixing them into his food.
They ate in silence and she watched him as he quickly made his way though his meal, unaware of what she had done to his food.
By the time Daryl was making his way through his second helping of stew, it was clear that the effects of the pills were starting to overpower him.
"You look tired. You should get some sleep. I can keep watch"
She knew he had heard her, but he didn't respond in any way.
He put his emptied bowl on the ground in front of him and began wiping at his face harshly, trying to rub away the exhaustion, that he was in a loosing battle against.
Since she had been here. Daryl had refused to sleep in the tent, on a mat, or even by the fire.
He would always fall asleep leaning up against a tree, while looking out over the water. Eventually he would curl up on the ground and stay there in the dirt until the dreams that invaded his mind became to much for him to bare.
She had tried to approach him, to cover him over with a blanket, or at the very least she had tried to get a closer look at his injuries. But whenever she had gotten close to him, he would wake up. It was as though he was never fully asleep.
Maybe his mind knew how dangerous it was out here. It was possible that there was a part of him that was listening for a predator approaching him, weather it was a walker or an unwelcome human. Maybe that was why he was never able to fully let his guard down and let himself fall into a deep sleep.
But it was possible that he never let himself sleep to heavily, because he knew that what awaited him, was far to horrifying to willingly hand himself over to.
But again, tonight was different. She had made sure of that.
She dropped her eyes from him when he stumbled, trying to lift himself up off the ground. She was thankful that he was far to out of it to question why his legs didn't seem to be cooperating with him.
When he dropped back down onto the ground, he frowned and shook his head slightly.
"Just lay down Daryl. Get some rest" she encouraged.
She watched his frown deepen as he accepted that he couldn't hold his body up, or keep himself upright anymore.
His arms gave out and he fumbled to catch himself before he hit the ground. But once he was down he stayed down.
For the first night since her arrival, he was clean and his wounds had been tended to. He was fed, sleeping safely and warmly by the fire.
She waited a few minutes. She waited until she could hear him snoring and his limbs all looked heavily planted onto the ground. But once she was sure that he was fast asleep, she got a blanket and a pillow and took the few steps needed to fill the space between them.
Now that he was asleep, surrounded only by the warm and dim light of the fire. It was almost easy to forget that anything had changed. It was to dark to make out any of his injuries. All she could see was the familiar outline of his body.
When she knelt next to him and slowly covered him over with the blanket His whole form seemed to invite the warmth that it brought and she watched as he curled himself up slightly.
She had thought he was dead to the world, but when she lifted his head to slide the pillow in, he stirred slightly and looked up at her.
His eyes were barely opened and it was clear from his expression that he was surprised to see her there hovering over him.
She opened her mouth, ready to explain herself, but quickly realized that no explanation was needed.
The smile that appeared on his face was weak and brief, but she had seen it. Just as she had seen it appear on his face a thousand time before, but in a different time and in what felt like a different world.
She slipped the pillow under his head and froze when his arm reached out to wind around her, weakly pulling her closer, before he fell asleep again.
There had been nights at the prison, long, cold winter nights, where she thought they would wake to find that not everyone had survived through to morning. Nights when the cold air felt as though it was cutting at your skin. And on those nights she had gone into his cell. He had never questioned it. He had simply woken up, very much the same like he just had. He would smile slightly, hold the blanket up for her, until she had crawled in next to him. Then he would curl his arm around her, like he just had.
She wondered if somewhere in his mind, he had imagined them back in that cell, maybe that was why he had accepted her being right there when he woke up. Maybe he was imagining one of those nights on the road when she always searched him out when she was ready to go to sleep.
Whatever the reason, he hadn't let her go. She could lie and say that she didn't want to disturb him and that was why she hadn't pulled his arm from her waist. But there was no point in lying to herself.
The truth was, she liked having him there, she liked being close to him. She liked the memories that flooded her mind when she thought about all of the other times she had found herself in a similar position with him. Back during those times when she knew without any doubt, that they were tightly connected.
There had always been groups within the group. That's just the way it was. Glenn, Maggie and Sasha. Rick, Carl, Judith and Michonne. Abraham, Rosita, Tara and Eugene. Her and Daryl.
There were all one family, but with in that family, people had gravitated to certain people. There were different things that cemented those relationships. Blood, time, secrets, trust…love.
The lines that separated them all were thin. They were so fine that they were almost invisible. They were only truly noticeable to the people within the close group.
They were distinguished by who you talked to late at night, who you got close to when you were cold and who you sought out when you needed someone to be there.
Those lines were the reason she was here with him right now, they were the reason why Michonne had come to find her when Daryl needed help.
She stayed next to him all night and she fought against her own exhaustion. It wasn't until the early hours of the morning, that she finally gave in and laid down.
She kept her eyes open and listened out for sounds of walkers approaching, but she just couldn't hold herself up anymore.
The sun was rising when she felt him shift next her. It was then that her body gave in and allowed her to drift off into the sleep that she had been struggling against. It was easy to let herself go when she knew he was awake and safe.
She barely registered him getting up from his spot next to her, but she didn't miss him wrapping the blanket around her and sliding the pillow under her head. She didn't miss the way he lightly rubbed her arm before he got up.