Disclaimer: Teen wolf does not belong to me in any way, shape or form :( but anywayyyyyyy THE FOURTH BOOK YAYYYY i know the last book took me ages (like 3+ years) but i was doing a lot and fell out of writing but i am officially BACK with the aim to post every 1-2 weeks :)
So i sure hope you all like the opening chapter to the fourth book, 'Rising from the Ashes' and please please please, favourite follow and leave a review to help me - thank you :) xxx
She awoke with a gasp of terror, her panicked body shooting up and becoming entangled in the thin sheets which were damp with her sweat, feeling claustrophobic and anxious as she fought to free herself from the restraint.
For the past week she had been plagued by the same nightmare playing on repeat, over and over again. She didn't know why - what possible meaning it had to her. All she knew was every night she woke up in exactly the same state as she was now - sweaty and shaky, fear pulsating through her veins and ebbing throughout her entire body.
Flashes of the same creepy damp basement. Malodorous scent of mould tinging her nostrils as it carried down the back of her throat and made her want to gag. Electricity crackling and exploding overhead, sparks of brightness pinging all around her as she whimpered and tried to move but was bound, facing downwards. That was the worst - the feeling of being held down. Restrained. The inability to move despite the adrenaline coursing through your veins, urging you to just damn well run. It was awful. It made her body swell with flushes of heat, sweat breaking out through her already damp skin. Terrified of the metallic, robotic like voices telling her things she couldn't understand and din't want to, screaming as a sharp needle like instrument penetrated the base of her spine.
That was how it always ended. The pain of something piercing her spine, so real it made her wake up in a flurry of panic.
She swiped a hand across her wet forehead, brushing some slick hair away from her eyes as she did so and grunted in annoyance as she kicked the sheets to the floor and stood up, glancing at the bedside clock.
She was still struggling a little with visually trying to understand letters, numbers and pictures, her brain taking longer to put what she was seeing together, but was sure it read 4.31am. Or maybe 3.41am. Or was that 3 really an 8?
She blinked harder, giving her cheek a quick slap to focus and squinted again, reading it again as 3.41am.
Oh well, what did it matter. She was up now - she never got back to sleep after her nightmares. Too wrecked and exhausted from the toll they took on her already weary and depleted body.
Her eyes wandered to the large window, peering out and seeing the sky beginning to illuminate with pale light. A sunrise wasn't far away and she was up, yet again, to watch another one.
Most people would appreciate it - watching something so natural and beautiful, feel inspired and thankful they got to witness something so pure. Her, on the other hand, watched the sunrise feeling nothing at all. Numb to the beauty and awe. To her, it was just another day of struggles and torture. Another day of trying despite how badly she just wanted to give up.
Her skin was still sticky and hot, her t-shirt and joggers clinging uncomfortably to her skin so she resolved herself to the fact she would need to take an early morning shower and padded from her room and down the corridor, her eyes bleary and heavy but stopped short when she heard familiar voices drifting up the staircase.
She almost blamed it on her fragile mind, expecting it to just be her head torturing her, bringing forward these voices to haunt her but it felt too real. She had gotten quite good lately at recognising what was real and wasn't, able to somewhat distinguish reality from the horrors her unwell mind yielded.
She frowned in curiosity, her bare feet inching forward towards the opening that led to the spiral suitcase, peering around the corner and saw Derek, Dylan and Stiles seated in the main area of the loft, their voices semi hushed but she was still able to make out what they were saying.
"-big improvement in the last week" Derek insisted, "maybe it's since she made her amends and that helped mentally unblock her and help her recovery or the correct dose of medication is finally agreeing with her? But whatever it is, it's working. You've both seen it for yourself"
Dylan, who was seated next to Stiles on the leather sofa, appeared to nod, "she's talking better. She goes out more. It's getting better"
"But she's not at 100%" Stiles interjected, his hands flailing, "when we speak on the phone, she sounds so... so sad" he exclaimed, "she spaces out. We don't actually know what's going on inside her head"
"She's never going to be at 100%" Derek frowned, "the injury and the trauma have made sure of that and it's time we stop expecting a 100%. That is not the end goal. It's getting Kayla back to living her life as comfortably as possible and she's getting there. It's slow but she's getting there and I'm incredibly proud of how she's trying"
Her chest ached at that statement, feeling bad for coming across that way when really all she wanted was the peace and quiet of sweet death.
"She deserves to be at 100% though" Stiles argued back, fighting her corner as ever, "without all this crap being pumped through her veins" flinging his arm out at the bottles of tablets she now realised were sitting atop the table in front of them.
Derek sighed, "this crap is keeping her stable just now. It's helped her tremendously. Doctor Noble will begin to reduce the dose if, and when, he sees fit"
"And I get that, I do, I just... we all know Kayla. We all know she doesn't like speaking about her feelings, so how do we really know this-" he pointed at the tablets, "-is really helping? How do we know she actually likes living again now? She's said it before... living is the new hell for her"
All three men fell silent and she dipped her head, the inside of her bottom lip finding it's way between her teeth. Stiles hit the nail on the head with that statement. Living was hell for her. Sometimes worse because this was reality, it was the only existence where she could make an impact and it terrified her she would do more bad.
"She's getting better" Derek repeated slowly, "and she'll keep getting better with our support. So do you both understand the medicine regime?"
She was confused at that, her head perking up as both Stiles and Dylan nodded and Derek slid pamphlets across the table.
"This is what you'll need to know about each medication - the effects, the warning signs, how often she'll need check ups, the drug interactions" he reeled off, "although she's gotten pretty good at taking the tablets but she still needs supervised. Just in case"
'Just in case' she topped herself. She understood the underlining meaning of the unsaid sentence.
"It's a lot of responsibility" Dylan nervously spoke up, "you've been doing it so well, why stop now?"
"I'm not stopping" Derek rubbed at his eyes tiredly, "I promised I would always look out for her, and I will, but that doesn't necessarily mean from right by her side"
She was confused at where this conversation was going, her frown creasing between her brows as she watched guilt flash across Derek's expression.
"Braeden and I need to continue our hunt for Kate together. I've given Kayla all the help I can... now she needs other people's. I'll only ever be a phone call away"
She had no difficulty understanding that. Not one bit.
"Y-You're leaving?" She blurted out, her quiet voice filled with shock and disappointment as three pairs of surprised eyes met her saddened gaze, Derek letting out an exhausted sigh.
"Kayla... I didn't realise you were up"
"But...b-but... but you're h-home...here" she mumbled, clumsily dragging her feet down the spiral staircase, "is t-this... my f-fault? Is it t-too h-hard-"
Derek cut her off before she had the chance to finish her sentence, stepping forward to catch her cheeks in the palm of his hand and calm her down.
"Not at all. Nothing about you is hard work. I just need to help hunt down Kate. After everything she's done, she doesn't deserve to live freely"
She sniffed a little, peering up into Derek's softened stare, "but w-what... what am I g-going to do... d-do without y-you?'
His thumb stroked her cheek tenderly, "you've come so far Kayla, you don't need me as your safety net anymore"
But she did. She really really did. Derek, her cousin, who was more like a parent to her. The person that put her first all these months and pushed for her recovery. She felt safe with him. She needed him.
"I won't leave until you're ready" he promised, "whether that be days if weeks... and I would never leave you without support. Your brother and Stiles are more than happy to watch over you, and so are all your other friends. You'll never be alone Kay, not really"
The panic of losing her anchor during these tough months rendered her speechless, incredibly numb but also wide open to feeling every single heart wrenching emotion grate through her.
"I have faith in you" Derek continued, "and I'm still your legal guardian. I'll never be away longer than a few weeks at a time and I'll always be back when you need me, you believe that don't you?"
She never really knew what to believe these days, but Derek had always been truthful and straight with her lately.
She nodded, hot tears welling beneath her lids as she clasped his arms a little tighter, like she was hanging onto him for dear life. Willing him to stay just that little bit longer.
"I was just making sure Stiles and Dylan knew all of our routines" he explained, "just so you don't have to go through too much change"
She glanced past Derek to see Dylan smiling sympathetically at her and Stiles staring at her but in a jumpy manner, his hands wringing together nervously. She hadn't seen him since that night she went around and apologised, but they had spoken on the phone several times since then. Stiles wanting to check in and Kayla forcing herself to get used to his company, trying to normalise being around him again and not being nervous or unsettled.
She had missed him. So much had changed for her in those months and he wasn't around to see it. Maybe it was for the best though - she did remember brief snippets of her time being unwell, both before and during the hospital admission. It was unpleasant and embarrassing, remembering how erratic and violent she was acting. She didn't want him to see her like that, not more than he had already.
She must've been staring longer than she thought because Derek slid his hand from her cheek to her shoulder, squeezing it gently.
"We'll leave you to it" he mumbled, nodding to Kayla as he and Dylan left the loft to give them some privacy, leaving her alone - fully alone - with Stiles since... since before the events of Eichen house? Was it really that long? Was the last time they were truly alone in the same room all those months ago before her brain was torn apart? She couldn't believe it, the nerves seizing her spine and a panicked sweat took a hold of the back of her neck, small droplets of sweat inching down her back.
"Uh..." Stiles, too, looked a little unsure and panicked, his awkward self lifting a hand to rub at the back of his neck, "I uh... I don't have any expectations" he blurted out, "like, about us I mean. I don't really know where we stand but-but that's okay" he was beginning to ramble, the nerves getting the better of him, "you don't owe me or anything and-and I did screw up a lot - I mean we both did - and I just uh... I-I want you to know I'm here for you - as a friend. Until we decide otherwise. Or-or we don't and that's okay too. Whatever you want"
He was such a beautiful soul, so helpful and kind. The Stiles she had fallen in love with.
"F-Friends?" She asked gingerly, peeking over to him nervously through her eyelashes as she began picking at her cuticles again - an anxious, nervous habit.
He nodded quickly, so quickly in fact she was surprised it didn't make him dizzy.
"Friends" he confirmed, "I'll be the best friend I can ever possibly be, I promise. No strings, no expectations, just friends"
Some of the awkwardness began to lift, Kayla beginning to feel a little more at ease with his presence.
"I... I m-missed you" she whispered, watching him inch forward a little closer to her, "l-long time... without y-you"
He smiled gently, "felt like a lifetime. I'm just glad you're back now"
Her face fell a little, guilt ebbing through her at the thought of her friends being happy to see her, happy to have her back when she was feeling this miserable about it - she felt like a fraud.
Stiles noticed her expression, softening his as he took another small step forward, "I'm not going to pretend to understand... to know what you're going through or how you feel, but I've felt like not wanting to live too" he explained, "for weeks after you died... that was my hell. But it got better. Things... improve, even when they feel like they won't"
That's what everyone said but for some reason she didn't expect to feel better. She had no expectations when it came to her mental health. She had accepted she would feel like this - withdrawn and terrible forever.
Instead of saying any different she just tried for a small smile, communicating that she heard and understood him but his sigh told her he was disappointed she didn't believe him.
"Can I say something to you?" He asked, "as a friend?"
She nodded again, indicating for him to go on.
"You need to work on forgiving yourself... you won't be able to move on otherwise"
Was it even worth trying? She didn't deserve to be forgiven by others, let alone allow herself to forgive herself.
"I did... b-b-bad things" she mumbled, the memories rushing back to haunt her in a split second of agony for her brain, "cant e-ever take-take them b-back"
"But you can make up for them" he added, "you can do good things"
Maybe. She didn't know. It was confusing and sore for her brain and she began to feel panicked and sick, those memories battling to be at the forefront of her brain.
"I uh... sorry,I shouldn't have said anything" he apologised as he noticed her getting quietly worked up, panic seizing her very bones, "I didn't mean to upset you"
"Y-You didn't" she mumbled, "j-just... hard"
He smiled gently, "I know"
Silence fell between the two, both yearning to say more but unsure what could be said to make anything better.
"Whatever happens, I'll be here for you this time. No more walking away, I promise" he vowed, holding out his hand and extending his pinky finger, "pinky promise?"
Better, fonder memories began to replace the distressing ones, remembering all the reasons why she fell for Stiles all the way back to the very first day at school. He was her very favourite person in this whole wide scary world. The one her heart always ached for.
Her shaky hand inched forward, her pinky finding its way to his and curling around the soft skin and she allowed herself to fully relax in his presence, soaking up all the comfort he offered.
"Till the end of the road Kaylz... whatever happens"
A/n) YAYYYYY the first chapter is complete :) just a wee set up to get the story kickstarted and i will be moving onto canon season 5 very soon - so happy to be back and writing again. Refinding my love for this has been so fun and inspiring.
So pretty please fav/follow this story and please leave a review to help keep e writing I appreciate them all, every single one, and I shall see you soon :)
(I have so many plans for this season its insane so fasten your seatbelts and hold on ahahaha)
Also im slowly getting back into tumblr again and posting more edits and such, ma e eventually doing more videos and some stuff like that so if you wanna follow or check it out my username is fanficanatic-tw
I also post like sneak peaks and can answer any questions on there and i do enjoy getting to knw my readers so don't be shy haha anyway have a lovely night and thanks for reading