Hey Readers!
As you can tell, I'm still alive – I'm in Grad school, so trying to push updates is nigh impossible with a full courseload, but the semester just ended, so hopefully I'll be able to get a few chapters out before the semester starts up again!
And as always, please leave reviews – they help make this story better!
Pokémon speech in Pokémon language = "Pokémon speech in Pokémon language"
Human Speech = "Human Speech"
Pokémon Thoughts/highlighted text = 'Pokémon thoughts/highlighted text'
Human Thoughts/highlighted text = 'thoughts/highlighted text'
Chapter 015 – Where's my bestie!
The next few hours were a blur for the group, from Ash getting the Cascade badge and the professor abruptly leaving to tucking in for the night at the Pokémon center after a celebratory dinner at a fancy restaurant.
But by the next morning, the group was huddled up aboard the warship's conference room for a very long and confusing discussion.
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"Ok Ash, we need to get to the Copperajah in the room, namely what in the name of Dialga's dong happened with you and Pikachu yesterday.
One minute, Pikachu is on his last paws, and the next, he vaporizes an entire battlefield to atoms and walks away without so much as a scratch.
We've known you two pull off some pretty crazy shit over the years, but this, well, we're all stumped on what happened." stated Bulbasaur.
"I dunno – one minute I feel like shit, and the next I feel all tingly and Pikachu went ka-boom!" answered Ash with animated hand gestures.
"Same here – I went from being ready for the ER to feeling like I could volt-tackle all day long and let loose an electro ball attack, though…it did feel more like using Gigavolt Havoc than electro ball…" answered Pikachu sheepishly.
"Hmm…I wish we had more meaningful data – we did have sensors meant to collect data on how both we and the Gym leaders battled to whip up plans for training planted all over the battlefield the night before the Gym challenge, but they were vaporized along with the rest of the battlefield. What made it even worse was that everything was stored locally on the sensor pods to be retrieved later to avoid the risk of having a transmission intercepted.
All that we have now are Bulbasaur and Staravia's visual reports along with your experiences to make hypotheses and conclusions." stated Noctowl with a frown (it's rather difficult to interpret frowns from beaks, but it was evident in his tone).
"Sorry guys…" shrugged Ash.
"Don't worry Ash, it's not your fault. But right now, all we can do is move on and get to work on figuring out what exactly you two did." replied Cyndaquil.
"So where do we start?" asked Brock.
"Well…the only thing I could confirm is that your eyes were both glowing blue, so maybe we can a link to Aura?" questioned Staravia.
"Wait. You can use Aura brother Ash?" asked a shocked Lucario.
"Umm…kinda. It's a long story…" shrugged Ash. This was going to be a long day.
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Meanwhile, just off the coast of Cinnabar Island…
The pod of Wailmer were rather a lovely bunch in Snorlax's opinion, having been kind enough to tow his raft all the way to Kanto. Though for now, they were taking a break by the beaches of Cinnabar Island, away from the main settlement itself, tossing several crates full of berries to the Wailmer while leaving three for himself and Junior – even after spending several months together it was still difficult to comprehend that he was a father, made ever more confusing by the odd feeling that he had met Junior before, at least before he woke up somewhere in the Orange archipelago instead of at the Oak ranch.
Nevertheless, the group was almost done with their meal when all of a sudden, something jumped out of the water, startling one of the younger Wailmer, and bounced off his tummy, only to faceplant into the sand. All that he could see were a pair of short flippers for legs and a small yellow tail wiggling rapidly, alongside a surfboard with rainbows painted on it right behind it, leaving the impression of a colorful gravestone.
Being the decent fella that he was, he yanked the wiggling figure out and placed him feet down, who was revealed to be a Psyduck.
…
"A Snorlax?"
…
"A Psyduck?"
In response, said Pokémon just blinked at the massive normal type with a blank face.
"…duck?"
Of all the species of Pokémon to ever exist, Psyduck was one of the most messed up species ever known in history, that somehow over the eons evolved to have both nonstop crippling headaches and higher intellectual capabilities until they evolved into Golduck, where hence they lost both.
The messed up part was that due to their headaches, they couldn't display the intellect they possessed, thus giving them the reputation of being very dumb Pokémon. This was especially visible in one Psyduck that Snorlax was very familiar with – Misty's Psyduck.
Most Psyduck were a 70-30 split between being dummies and capable Pokémon. Misty's Psyduck on the other hand was 91% lovable dummy and 9% extremely crazy badass (after extensive testing by the science division of ARK Enterprises). Because nobody in their right mind at the Unovan FBI would hire a Psyduck like Misty's as a consultant who somehow had a 100% success rate on all of his missions.
The Psyduck in front of Snorlax seemed to be looking around for something in confusion if the dazed expression on its face was anything to go by.
"Are you looking for something little fella?" asked Snorlax.
…
"Psyduck wants Misty hug."
…
"Are you Misty's Psyduck?"
…
The Psyduck blinked in confusion before promptly asking "What's a Psyduck?"
…
Only one Psyduck in the known universe would ask what his own species was. And that meant that there was only one thing left for Snorlax to do. A Mega punch to the skull.
Misty's Psyduck was one very unlucky shmuck, as in order to be able to use his higher intellect, he had to frequently undergo cerebral recalibration, but with the strength to take out the Hulk (ARK Enterprises believes that Psyduck was exposed to Gamma radiation at some point before meeting Misty, thus leaving him with his current condition, along with a near-indestructible skull).
And when the force of Snorlax's fist struck the water type right in the head, said water type's eyes went blue with psychic energy, only for a slap from Snorlax to break the charge up of the unknown psychic-type move.
…
"Oww…my head…Snorlax?"
"Welcome back to the land of the living Psyduck."
"Did I ask what my species was again?"
In response, Snorlax only chucked.
"Ok. So some crazy shit's been going on, coz I went from Gyarados trying to get the giant jawbreaker I was choking on out to waking up on Trovita Island with an extreme urge to apply bodily harm to men other than Ash interested in Misty.
After that, my memory is a little fuzzy because I think I surfed to the North Pole, snogged Mrs. Claus, and then got yeeted with my surfboard all the way here."
It was at this moment that Psyduck's eyes blinked in confusion before he promptly screamed in agony at being bonked on the head, the pain from an injury a minute prior finally hitting him, now running around like a headless torchic. This continued for all of sixteen seconds before he stopped and looked at Snorlax with a dazed expression…and promptly started munching on sand.
…
"Psyduck like beach sugar!"
…
This was going to require several more mega punches…
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Meanwhile a few hours later…
Mike was your average generic pharmacist, used to the quiet life of his job with seldom few surprises.
But just as he was about to close up for the night, the bell by the counter rang, a rather odd occurrence seeing as it was almost 11 p.m., a time when he seldom got customers.
But right on the counter was a short Pokémon he didn't recognize, holding a ¥20 note and a pack of condoms, giving him a deadpan stare that was daring him to ask why.
Nevertheless, it was late at night, and seeing as Mike really wanted to go home, he processed the transaction and sent the odd Pokémon on its way.
Outside the pharmacy…
The odd Pokémon holding a pack of condoms walked a short way before being approached by another Pokémon, one much shorter and round.
"Was this really necessary?" asked the first Pokémon.
"Definitely! I know your tingle hasn't been going off a lot lately and that means we need to be prepared for the day it goes away!" said the second Pokémon with a cheery tone.
"You've been making me buy condoms ever since you hatched and not a single condom has been used ever since. And my tingle will never go away – I've had it since I met our trainer and will have it till I die." grumbled the larger Pokémon.
"I know, I know, but this time it'll be different! I'll even put a month's worth of my share of poffins on the line – within the next month, those condoms will be used!"
…
"Whatever – I won't say no to more poffins. Now let's continue east."
"I'm soooo gonna rub it in your face when I win. And my prize will be you wearing the rainbow tutu version of our uniform!" giggled the smaller Pokémon.
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Intermission: Krookodile's Adventures – Part 2:
Krookodile (physically still a Sandile) awoke to his battle-honed senses tingling that somebody was right next to him, and that whoever it was, was a psychic type.
And as he pretended to be asleep, he subtly charged up bite, ready to leap into action and take out a potential threat. But before he could do said action, the potential threat spoke with a clear female voice "Mister Krookodile of the Chosen One from timeline 003A – I'm Wanda from the MTMA and have been sent to handle your case file."
That confusing statement led Sandile to open his eyes to what was a Celebi with a pen in her hair holding a clipboard.
"Uhhh…could you repeat that?"
…
"Just one moment – it's really dark down here and that's not quite conducive to going over paperwork." muttered the Celebi, before promptly snapping her tiny fingers and teleporting them back to the surface to what were the banks of a waterfall under the setting sun.
"Woah Miss – tell a guy before you teleport him-"
"My apologies. Oh, where was I-"
"You were telling me about a case file. And what is the MTMA?"
"Yes, yes. Back to the beginning.
My name is Wanda, and I'm from the MTMA, which stands for the Multiversal Timeline Management Authority. And seeing as the Chosen One, and by extension, his Pokémon, have level 8-T intelligence permissions, I'm allowed to tell you what exactly I'm here about without immediately wiping your memories-"
"Wiping my memories!" said Sandile in alarm.
"Don't fret – you have the necessary clearance, so no worries.
So, the MTMA was jointly created by Lord Dialga and Lady Palkia to manage the infinite multitude of timelines, and in conjunction, the infinite multitude of universes that sprung up from the first timeline when Lord Arceus first created the universe. And for the most part, our job is fixing up the messes in these timelines that could cause them to prematurely end or cause incursions upon other timelines.
Unfortunately, due to the event that is officially labeled, let me see here-" muttered Wanda, looking through her clipboard "-ah yes, the "Motherfucking Wish Clusterfuck number 1", way too many timelines went completely off course, leaving us overworked. And it says something is really messed up when an army of infinite Celebi are overworked.
And while this event may have at its base been resolved in most of the core timelines, including yours, there have been some issues and mistakes – mostly minor, but nevertheless, mistakes on our part at the MTMA. One of such is your placement in the timeline."
"Could you please elaborate on that?" asked Sandile.
"Yes. For example, the Chosen One's starter, which in most timelines is a Pikachu, has always been native to the general area in and around Pallet Town, from hatching to meeting the Chosen One for the first time. This event is something that was relatively easy to ensure stayed on track.
There is a similar story for many of the Chosen One's other Pokémon, including yours, with necessitated variations to plug in minor hiccups in the timeline. Unfortunately, your case is one of those hiccups.
To help speed up the stabilization of the timeline post-reversal of the "Wish Clusterfuck", we had to place Pokémon in places where they usually weren't supposed to be at a certain state. You were slated to be set to run into the Chosen One's Gible, Noibat, and Goomy not far from Tohjo Falls. Unfortunately, you were dropped in the right location, but…66 million years in the past…"
…
"By Iris's nearly non-existent titties! That sounds like more than a hiccup!" growled Sandile.
"Yes, well, we at the MTMA have been a mess ever since Hoopa got COVID-19 and sent six-hundred year's worth of paperwork into a black hole with a sneeze, but that's not your problem.
Right now, we need to get you back with the Chosen One at the right point in time with the sequencing of the Chosen One's progression as per the will of the eldritch being The-Dreaded-Lord-Whose-Pants-Are-Most-Fluffy, whose commandments include the success of this epic story and the sentencing of said eldritch being to Death-by-Snu-Snu for tax evasion-"
DISCLAIMER: DreadLordFluffyPants and the definitely human individual behind said pseudonym does NOT endorse any form of tax fraud or tax evasion, let alone breaking any laws in the country/region you may reside in.
(Also, assume this disclaimer was said really fast with a really squeaky voice)
"What the fu-"
"Sorry, that part is beyond your clearance. Bet nevertheless, we'll have you there in a jiffy… After you fill out forms 106-MFU regarding "Management at the MTMA Fucked Up" all the way to form 420-69-BB regarding giving the Chosen One Blue Balls due to his morals conflicting with his female companion's preference for teasing yet tasteful clothing along with the many, many, incidents of both accidental and intentional flashing of derrières covered with skimpy thongs and derrières lacking skimpy thongs under short shorts and short skirts." stated Celebi. And while that last form sounded interesting, the stack of paperwork as tall as Cilan was gonna take him a while…"
"Don't worry, your deadline for finishing this paperwork is roughly…one million years, after which Lord Arceus will end a good majority of life on Earth due to a case of extreme diarrhea from eating two thousand Carolina Reapers thanks to losing a round of food poker."
This was going to take a while…And he didn't even have arms yet!
X - - - X - - - X - - - X - - - X
After spending a week with the human known as Anabel, who had promised to take them to Pallet town, the trio of Dragon types were on the two-day ferry to Celadon, now just an hour away from docking at the Celadon Trade Port.
But suddenly, Gible sensed something, an odd feeling that he hadn't had in years, one yearning for him to swiftly act. And spotting a loaded harpoon gun on the deck of the ferry, he knew what to do.
Noibat, who was enjoying the view from the flagpole of the ferry, was confused over why Gible was playing with a giant spear in a bottle, only for the Dragon type to suddenly don a black cape and a mask with pointed ears and fire Draco Meteor into the air.
And as the dragon-type move gained altitude, Gible fired, the harpoon scoring a direct hit on the dragon-type energy-infused rock, and consequently, pulling him up into the air.
With concern over his Sensei, Noibat followed, leaving poor Goomy napping in Anabel's room, unaware of what was happening.
X - - - X - - - X - - - X - - - X
Following the path of Draco Meteor, Noibat saw the dragon-type move stop gaining altitude. But instead of exploding into a shower of destruction, the meteor veered to the left, heading north of the big city that Miss Anabel called Celadon.
Somehow, the dragon-type move used by his Sensei broke all forms of logic, with Gible now soaring across the city as fast as a Talonflame while screaming "I'm Batman!"
But just as they were by the Celadon City Airport, the attack took a sudden U-turn, with Gible now running on the side of several buildings before being yanked up as the meteor suddenly gained altitude. And just as they crossed the city and were now over water, roughly a kilometer above sea level, the meteor finally detonated, not into smaller meteors, but dust, leaving behind a momentarily floating Gible.
It was at that moment that gravity took hold, sending the dragon-ground type plummeting to the ground. Unfortunately for Gible, he couldn't quite fly yet until he evolved into a Gabite. Also unfortunately, it would be quite a way into the story till Gible evolved.
Fortunately for Gible, Noibat was fast and just strong enough to catch him and safely descend back to their ferry.
Upon landing, however, Noibat found his Sensei looking to the skies with a frown, his eyes suddenly moistening with tears.
"Sensei? Are you alright?" asked the young Noibat.
In response, Gible went from softly sobbing to all-out wails, screaming out garbled phrases while pointing to the sky. The only thing that Noibat could make out was "Draco Meteor", "missing bestie", and "Chomps of Friendship".
X - - - X - - - X - - - X - - - X
Meanwhile…
Phanpy had spent the past few months rolling around, quite literally, seeing as rollout was much faster than just walking or running. But just as he was crossing through the drylands of Grampa Canyon, something caused him to stumble and faceplant into the dry terrain.
Looking around, he spotted what he had tripped on, a Pokémon egg, one that was now sporting a small crack.
"Uh-oh…"
But before he could panic over having possibly killed a baby Pokémon, the egg started shaking, the crack widening and throwing eggshell fragments about, revealing a familiar egg-shaped Pokémon that was looking around in confusion.
Upon seeing him looking at said baby Pokémon with a great deal of scrutiny, said Pokémon panicked, rapidly shaking its tiny paws before being enveloped in psychic-type energy, using teleport. But by sheer chance, Phanpy had raced to stop said Pokémon and was caught in said teleportation field, teleporting to parts unknown.
X - - - X - - - X - - - X - - - X
When Phanpy realized that he was suddenly high up in the air and now falling, he promptly screamed. And just a few feet away he could hear the screams of the Pokémon that had teleported him.
Realizing that he was falling to his doom, he did the only thing he could – curled up into his rollout position and spun at high speed as if he were using the move rollout. This in turn sped him up, allowing him to reach the ground faster and hopefully catch the baby Pokémon before it made a crash landing.
Fortunately for him, he landed on a broken tree at just the right angle to smoothly roll onto the ground. And even though he wasn't fast enough to get into position to catch the baby Pokémon, said Pokémon landed on a conveniently placed orange-and-black cushion.
"Ouch! Something hit me!" said the cushion, which was revealed to be a Tepig. And by his side were two other Pokémon that he immediately recognized.
"Snivy! Oshawott! Is that you guys?"
"Who are ya?" asked Oshawott.
"It's me! Donphan! Though I'm right now a Phanpy."
"Thank Victini for a friendly face!" smiled Snivy.
"Hey – who's your fire type buddy?"
"It's me – Pignite – you're not the only one who's devolved!"
It was at this moment that the baby Pokémon made itself known by wailing at the top of its lungs, shedding thick tears.
"There, there, little one. Mama Snivy is here for you" spoke Snivy softly while gently rocking the baby Pokémon with her vines. "Now what do you want little one…"
"I…I want my mommy! It's been soooo long since I had to leave her and now I'm scared and I want her back!" cried the baby Pokémon.
And upon hearing the baby Pokémon's words, Phanpy took a good look at it and immediately recognized said Pokémon. It was a Togepi and one he was very familiar with. "Togepi? Is that you buddy?"
Hearing a familiar voice, the Togepi looked at Phanpy and recognized him.
"You're daddy's Phanpy! Where's mommy and daddy!" spoke the Spike ball Pokémon while racing over and hugging his forelegs.
"It's ok little fella. I miss them too and am looking for them – wanna come with us to find them?"
"Yeah YEAH!" squealed Togepi with hopefulness.
"Then hop on my back and we'll find mommy and daddy in no time!
Guys? You coming or what?" asked the ground type to the three Unovan starters. And with nods of agreement, the trio followed the ground type.
"So…what's the story with the little one?" asked Tepig.
"Well…you know how Ash raised me from an egg. Well, I wasn't the first Pokémon he did so with. Togepi here was the first, though while she was Misty's Pokémon, Ash and Brock were involved in raising her and Ash was the one who found her egg in the first place, hence she refers to Ash as her dad and Misty as her mom.
Though last I checked, she was in a pocket dimension filled with other Togepi, so well, she's coming with us on our way to find Ash – I'm assuming that you guys are on the same path?"
"Yeah. We've been walking all over Unova for the past few months and somehow, we've failed to find even a roadside gas station, let alone any settlement." replied Snivy.
It was at this moment that Oshawott lost his footing and slipped, rolling down the hill and landing on top of what was an angry Gurdurr he had just woken up.
"Uh oh."
"YOU WAKE GURDURR! GURDURR WHACK YOU!" spoke the angry fighting type, using its steel beam to whack Oshawott into the sky, sending him blasting off.
"HEELLLPPPP!" screamed the airborne water type.
…
"Oh dear…" muttered Snivy.
X - - - X - - - X - - - X - - - X
Meanwhile (again!)…
Mewtwo was starting to get really frustrated. And possibly suffering from madness. Because what else was defined as going around doing something again and again only to get the same result? And for the most part, that was his to-do list.
Sure, it wasn't all bad – some of the tasks on his to-do list ended up being pretty easy, and yes, some of the gifts he had acquired over the years did still work, including the blessing from Lady Kyogre that allowed him to survive underwater, but damm, it sucked not having his poker/drinking buddies!
And right now, he was dealing with an old Wailord who was being rather unhelpful with directions to his intended stop. At least the unhelpfulness only extended to gossip about one of Lord Lugia's offspring robbing the Unovan facility Fort Knox and not a hyper beam to the face, though the latter was definitely preferable after listening to the droning voice of the water type for just ten minutes.
At the same time above the surface…
Roughly fifty miles away from where his target had dived down underwater nearly two days ago, Salamence was very close to losing his patience. Because at this point, he was all but certain his target was dead – no non-water-type Pokémon could survive underwater, though it wasn't like he knew his target's typing aside from being a psychic type at the very least.
But Salamence was a loyal Pokémon and would follow his orders to the letter. Maybe he should've brought a chew toy…
X - - - X - - - X - - - X - - - X
Just beyond the peace and quiet of the forests at night stood out the lights and bustle of Lumiose City. But with the presence of light were shadows, something that a trio of Pokémon used to their advantage as they made their way to Prism Tower.
But unbeknownst to them, several individuals were on their tails, not that either party truly knew what exactly they were looking for.
X - - - X - - - X - - - X - - - X
"Do you know the way there?" asked Rowlet, still in awe at the city before him, having never seen a city as large as Lumiose before.
"Yes, we know. And we're almost there, less than five blocks away." replied Froakie. "Hopefully friend Clemont or the good Prof. Sycamore will be able to aid us."
"Hopefully…" murmured Hawlucha as he sat down, opening a pouch of berries the trio shared as they took a small break before the final leg of their journey.
Meanwhile…
Just two blocks away in a pair of nondescript vans were several individuals, two of whom were looking at several screens in the back seat, sharing a slight smile as they found what they were looking for.
On a separate display showing a call with a green-haired woman, one of the grunts spoke.
"Madam Bryony, we have locked on to the targets, exactly 412 m away, and are closing in on them."
"I hope that you have positive results – failure is not an option."
"Of course Madam."
End call
…
"Where exactly are the targets?"
"Two blocks away on Riche étoile St on the roof of the Bank of Kalos Head office.
"Then move out!"
X - - - X - - - X - - - X - - - X
Looking north of where they stood, Froakie could see Lumiose tower just within their reach. Just a few blocks away and they would hopefully reach Clemont or Prof. Sycamore. But as the trio slid down an escape ladder, they were suddenly surrounded by six men dressed in the hideous orange uniforms of Team Flare.
"It's these three itty bitty Pokémon?" asked Grunt One.
"Yeah it is, and two of them are pretty rare. A Froakie and a Pokémon from a different region. the boss lady's gonna love this!" remarked Grunt Two.
"Cool down boys. Let's catch them" replied Grunt Three as all six grunts released a pack of Mighteyana and three Golbats.
"Guys. This isn't good." stuttered a scared Rowlet.
"No matter. We fight our way out!" growled Froakie, charging up a water pulse.
"Right brother" answered Hawlucha, fists raised for battle.
And as a barrage of attacks approached them, Rowlet had a sinking feeling that this might very well be his end.
X - - - X - - - Chapter End - - - X - - - X