(Hello. I apologize for my long hiatus. I spent the last 4 years going to writing school to improve my craft. I hope you enjoy this story. I spent a really long time working on it. Thank you, and enjoy.)

Oh my fucking god. The Loud House is dead.

It's the day of the funeral. All of the Louds are in their respective coffins. Everyone in the crowd is crying. Clyde. Ronnie Anne. The guy who runs the gas station, I don't remember his name. Philip? Also in the crowd is Sam, the Loud Pets, the teacher, the principal, Hilda, Barney, and the rest.

Lincoln Loud rests peacefully in his orange coffin, as he wears his orange suit. Written on the coffin is his famous catchphrase, "HAHA, LOUD HOUSE!"

The mother, Rita Loud, rests in her beautiful, jewel-covered coffin. She's beautiful, even in post-mortem. It's not fucking fair. Why do the great die young?

Lynn Loud Sr. is burning in hell.

Lori Loud lies peacefully in her coffin, decorated with over 200 new iPhones 15s. They're all playing the same video in unison, on loop: "OPOSSUM EATS PIZZA FOR 14 MINUTES."

Leni Loud is dead too. She's also in a coffin, but she's face down. That's a really mean thing to do to someone, ESPECIALLY if they're dead. Fucking disgraceful. Sorry, I don't usually swear, but I couldn't help it.

Luan's next. She's the funny one, I think. She's got like, rubber chickens in her coffin. That's uh, cute? I guess? There's a pie decorated on her coffin. That's goofy. Okay.

Lynn has a bunch of footballs and basketballs in her coffin. I'm uh, not really sure whyOH WAIT! Is it because she was into sports? Is that fucking why? Her entire life boiled down to just, sports? That's depressing, honestly. She never got to live a full life, and now she'll forever be remembered as "the sports one."

This is depressing, man, I'm sorry. I know it's a funeral, but like. Fuck, man. Okay, let's move on.

Lucy's in an old-fashioned coffin. She's dressed like a vampire. She was "the creepy one", so I guess that tracks.

Why the fuck are the twins in the same coffin? They don't even fit, they're both squished together in there! They don't look comfortable at all! What kind of fucked up funeral home is this?

Lisa Loud was cremated, per her wishes. They just have an urn of her ashes sitting on top of a stool. There's an Albert Einstein quote written on the urn, but they misspelled Einstein as "Einstin." That's fucked up.

The baby's also dead. I think her name was Lily? I'm gonna be honest, I haven't seen this show since like Season 3 so I'm kinda fuzzy on a lot of the details. But yeah, their coffin has like, pacifiers on it. Cause she's a baby.

I think that's everyone? It looks like someone's walking up to the podium. It's Clyde. Let's be quiet.

"My good friend, Lincoln Loud, once told me that life was meaningless, and that we are all empty vessels, fruitlessly clinging towards some sort of cosmic purpose, but it is in vain. I completely agree."

.

Oh I think that was it, he's walking back to his seat. I mean, not to disrespect the late Lincoln Loud, but I don't know if I really agree with that. I feel like there's more to life than- oh, someone else is walking up. It's Ronnie Anne.

"Today, we remember, and celebrate the lives of... The Loud House. We laughed, we cried, we were... loud. Ladies and gentlemen, tonight, we are ALL... The Loud House. Rest in peace to this beautiful family. Thank you..."

She's walking back to her seat. See, I thought that speech was better than Cly- oh, there's one more speaker. It's the Klasky Csupo logo.

"Klasky Csupo!"

He's walking back to his seat. I feel like it's pretty disrespectful to be advertising your production company at a funeral. I get that that's all he can say, but like... know your limitations, I don't know. Regardless, a lot of people in the audience don't seem happy with him. Oh, hold on-

OH WOW okay, somebody just sucker punched the Klasky Csupo logo. It looks like Clyde's about to beat him with a baseball bat. Oh god, everyone's going after him. Jesus christ... for fucks sakes, this is a funeral, you guys... shit, I'm getting out of here...

.

I'm not sure why I was invited to the Loud House funeral, but I think I learned a valuable lesson from going. I just wish I knew what that lesson was. Regardless, RIP The Loud House.