1 January 2000
Smash Mansion
Dear Diary,
Yes, I'm still here. The world didn't end, and all the computers are working fine. No planes fell out of the sky; there was no global blackout. Everything's still in its proper place, and we're about to enter our twenty-fourth year together.
In light of the holiday, today's a leisure day. The first matches of 2000 will begin tomorrow. As of late, these matches have grown more intense—a sure sign that the tournament is winding down. How does MH plan to conclude Super Smash Brothers? What challenge does he have planned up his sleeve? Will he even tell us, or will it be a surprise? I kind of hope he gives us some clue in advance, so we can prepare.
I'll talk to you later.
Luigi
24 January 2000
MK
Dear Diary,
The tournament is in the middle of another one of its breaks. Yup, MH is preparing us for something. A challenge which will test our teamwork, or a series of individual challenges for each of us? We'll have to see when we come back.
In the meantime, I've made good use of this break, relaxing, learning how to play piano, doing some cardio on my spin bike, and visiting Josh and his folks. Whenever possible, I go to Sarasaland to visit and romance Daisy. She listens raptly as I tell her about my adventures in Smash.
Today, Peach hosted another one of those parties in her castle—you know, the parties with the minigames. Once again, each of the "boards" had a specific theme—but this time, we got to wear costumes appropriate to each theme. In Pirate Land, for example, we got to wear pirate garb. We dressed as cowboys in Western Land, astronauts in Space Land, archeologists in Mystery Land and wizards in Horror Land. There wasn't a costume for Koopa Land, though. But I did get to ruffle some feathers by once again winning by doing absolutely nothing. Gee, I should make that a hobby!
I'll be back on the Smash battlefield in two days. Until then, let me enjoy this little respite.
Luigi
22 February 2000
Smash Mansion
Dear Diary,
Master Hand all but confirmed today that the tournament is ending soon, and that we should keep an eye out for brand-new challenges. Right now, he hopes to end the tournament by this summer at the latest. He told us that he's happy we got past the tier list nonsense, and maybe it was his fault for making such a big deal over it. Then, he added that we made such a good impression on him that he's likely to organize another tournament like this in the future. I'd really like that.
In the spirit of the new millennium, I've worked on my relationships with Douglas and Fox. They made a very grand gesture when they apologized to everyone, but the memories of what they did don't automatically go away. Still, the Formidable Four is back! Back to playing Twister in the Games Area, back to sitting together in the lounge, back to having splash wars in the pool and having spa dates every month. And Fox finally got around to giving me the Great Fox ride he'd promised at the beginning of this tournament. He allowed me to sit in the co-pilot's seat and taught me how to use the controls. There were even showers and freeze-dried snacks! He promised me that he'd show me how to fly an Arwing soon. I'm so happy that he's back to his old self.
As these friendships deepened, I decided it was time for them to meet my older friends. I introduced Ness, Kirby, Jiggs, Samus, Link and Pikachu to Josh and his brood, and Josh was extremely pleased by them. In turn, my fellow Smashers were absolutely smitten with Jasmine. Jas was talking at this point, and her parents told me that she had a lot to say, mainly "No!" She always greets me with, "Hi, Weegee!"; I think she can't pronounce the "L" just yet. What a coincidence, though—Mario's nicknamed me "Weegee" all my life.
Finally, it was Fox and Falcon's turn to meet Josh and his folks. Their reception was initially lukewarm, and who could blame them—but recently, they, too, started putting the past behind them. As a further token of conciliation, Falcon invited all of us to see him in action at the F-Zero Grand Prix. He definitely was as good a racer as they say!
All in all, I'm just happy that this tournament is poised to end on a high note.
Luigi
16 March 2000
Brooklyn, New York
Dear Diary,
Master Hand gave us yet another break to get ready for the "challenges" he has planned for us. And what good timing! Mario and I were able to attend Jasmine's third birthday party, once again taking place in the park. Her parents and grandparents wanted to invite some of the other Smashers, but—they've only just met, whereas they've known me and Mario for years. Maybe in a year or so, invitations to parties and social functions would come their way.
At the party, Julian and Jackie told us that they've enrolled Jas in a preschool, and she'll start later this year. Just as I made new friends among the Smashers, Jas will finally get to interact with other kids and make friends of her own while preparing for the wonderful world of learning. Presently, she was giggling as she slid down one of the slides and went to climb back up the jungle gym.
"Does she know what she wants to be when she grows up yet?" I asked.
"Still too early," said Julian.
"Maybe she'll want to be a carpenter," offered Jackie, "or a mechanic, just like your old job."
I blushed a little. "That would be nice."
Jas ran up to us. "Mommy, may I please go on the swings?" she asked.
"Yes, you may," replied Jackie. "Want me to give you a boost?"
"Yeah!" giggled Jas.
Hand-in-hand, mother and daughter headed toward the swings.
Later, we all had cake and ice-cream, and I gave Jas my present, a little hat with the Smash symbol on it.
"Thank you, Weegee," she said, hugging me.
"Now, you're a true Smash Bros fan," I smiled.
After the party, Mario and I relaxed in our old apartment, eventually deciding to stay there overnight.
Luigi
20 April 2000
Smash Mansion
Dear Diary,
The first of Master Hand's challenges was held today. In this challenge, we had to break several targets floating about the course in the quickest time possible. I signed up for the challenge before I went to bed last night and wound up ninth in line. By the time my turn came up, I had to take two trips to the men's room.
In order to break all of the targets, I had to rely heavily on my jumping ability, as well as a few items scattered about the stage. There were a lot of precarious platforms, and one miscalculation could mean a long drop into endless blackness. And there was this one target hiding in a little nook. I managed to nail it by throwing a fireball at it while clinging to the ledge of the nook. It took me 55 seconds to finish the challenge, and about 2 minutes for my legs to stop shaking afterwards. But MH took me aside and assured me that I did well.
If this was only the first challenge, then that's saying something for the remaining challenges.
Luigi
22 April 2000
Smash Mansion
Dear Diary,
Today, we participated in Master Hand's second challenge. It was similar to the first, except that we had to board platforms rather than break targets. The platforms had little red lights on them that turned blue to indicate that we successfully boarded them. I took on this challenge the same way I took on the Break the Targets challenge—using jumping, coordination and good timing. This challenge took me 45 seconds to complete.
Then, after the bouts had ended for the day, MH lined us up for our third challenge—run an obstacle course in one minute! The course itself was short, but stuffed with impediments like bumpers and attacking Polygons, and had five levels. I didn't even try to engage the Polygons—I discouraged them from attacking me by throwing fireballs at them. Sometimes, I was able to leap over them. I evaded the bumpers by sliding under or diving between them. Thanks to my speed, I was able to reach the finish line with half a second to spare.
"Get some rest," MH said when we were finished. "The next challenge will be especially intense."
"Yes, Master Hand," we said.
I'm glad he gave us a fair warning.
Luigi
24 April 2000
Smash Mansion
Dear Diary,
MH didn't kid around. His fourth challenge was unlike anything we'd ever seen. Each of us was warped to a stage simply known as the Battlefield, where we had to survive for as long as we could against—the Fighting Polygon Team!
While waiting my turn, I could only hear the sounds of the other Smashers' grunts as they fought against the Polygon horde. They managed to last between one and three minutes. Once my turn came up, I didn't know if I could even last thirty seconds, but then I reminded myself to think positive.
My apprehension vanished the moment the Polygons materialized around me. I heard a few snickers, and some of the Polygons smirked. They really shouldn't have done that. From the moment MH started the match, I was unstoppable. I utilized the provided items, like Hammers, Home Run Bats and Beam Swords, not simply clobbering my opponents with them, but rather, using the items as an extension of my body. I used my rock solid punches, Cyclone and shy dirt kick to knock them off stage. When they tried to overpower me with their sheer numbers, I'd grab, swing them three times and hurl them away. More Polygons materialized for each one I defeated, but I kept my nerve, jumping up onto the top platform to make it easier to knock them in different directions. Even then, I didn't stay in one place, jumping from platform to platform, throwing Polygons and fireballs and punches, attacking quickly but harshly and grabbing whatever helpful item was within my reach.
It was five minutes before the Polygons got the better of me. I returned to the Main Hall to find everyone staring slack-jawed at me. Yeah, that's right. The fighter at the bottom of the tier list lasted the longest against the Fighting Polygon Team. Deal with it.
Now, MH had one last challenge left for us. What could it possibly be?
Luigi
26 April 2000
Smash Mansion
Dear Diary,
How fitting that MH's ultimate challenge should take place on the first anniversary of Super Smash Brothers!
Instead of lining up, MH summoned us at random. My turn came when I was relaxing in the lounge. A Polygon led me to a Warp Pipe which took me to a mysterious octagonal stage somewhere in space. There, I was greeted with a booming, sinister laugh, and I looked up to see MH floating ominously toward me.
This was the ultimate test—a one-on-one fight against the Hand of Creation.
And here was the ultimate chance to prove myself a worthy fighter.
Let me tell you, I gave Master Hand my all. I dodged and jumped over his swats and swipes and pecked away at him with flying kicks, spinning kicks, fireballs and my Cyclone attack. On the ground, I blasted fierce punches into him. He'd fire lasers from his fingers, but I learned to slip behind him when I saw the blue beams coming my way. MH also tended to fire larger projectiles, sometimes in threes, and those managed to hit me, but I wasn't down for long. He was the most powerful opponent I've ever faced in the Smash World. In addition to his swiping and swatting attacks, he could crash on me from above, drill me into the ground, grab, squeeze and throw me, poke me and punch me. His blows left me more dazed than during my first fight with DK.
Master Hand and I threw down on that stage for about five minutes, until neither of us could withstand another hit. I marched right up to the center of MH's palm and ended the fight with an explosive uppercut. MH screamed and writhed, flying off into the distance.
Later that evening, we all gathered in the Assembly Hall. Master Hand told us that he'd never been prouder of us than in the moment we faced him down on the stage he called Final Destination, ready to do battle with him. He summoned Polygons to give each of us a picture to take home, and then he announced that the closing ceremony would take place sometime in June. In the interim, we'd still fight matches, but they'd no longer count against our win-loss records. Fighting Master Hand himself was a brilliant way to cap off the Super Smash Brothers tournament!
In the lounge, we celebrated Smash's first anniversary with a nice-sized cake, an open bar and plenty of dancing. All twelve of us joined the Polygons in decompressing after going through all of those challenges. Well, to put it more accurately, the Polygons enviously watched me dance while the eleven other Smashers tried to imitate my dancing. "Better off Alone", "One More Time", "Hear Me Tonight" and a few 'NSYNC hits were just part of the night's lineup. Thankfully, things didn't end in a brawl.
It would've been interesting, though.
Luigi
6 June 2000
Smash Mansion
Dear Diary,
The Super Smash Bros tournament has officially come to an end. At 3p.m., we all gathered in the Main Hall, where MH handed out medals for our performance and conduct in our battles. My tenacity, good sportsmanship and fiery uppercut won me three medals. Speaking of which, I finally came up with a name for that uppercut—the Super Jump Punch.
After we all received our medals, we formed a circle and took turns talking about what we liked most about the tournament and what we thought needed improvement. Then, we all exchanged contact information, so that we'd remain in touch with each other once we were back in our home worlds. Fox promised Mario and I that he'd have an Arwing fleet ready for us—all we had to do was say the word.
Then, we ate dinner in the cafeteria for the last time, and Master Hand assured us that this wasn't goodbye—it was until we met again.
"Until we meet again." That definitely sounds better than "goodbye".
Luigi
23 June 2000
Brooklyn, NY
Dear Diary,
Just as I finished my workout at Josh's gym, Julian approached me, a huge grin on his face.
"Guess what?" he asked.
"What?"
"Jackie got the part of Odette in Swan Lake!" Jules happily announced. "Her debut is tonight! Would you like to go to the ballet with me? Jamie and Janice will be there, and Mom and Dad will babysit Jas."
"I'll be there," I replied.
That evening, I dressed in a classic black tuxedo and met up with Jules, Janice and Jamie at the venue. Jules and Jamie were also clad in tuxedoes, and Janice wore a silver ballgown. We purchased our tickets, and then an usher led us to our seats.
The lights dimmed, the curtain lifted, and the ballet started. And let me tell you, Jackie was wonderful as Odette. She danced so gracefully that she resembled an actual swan. Her costume was also intricate, a mix of white and pastel pink. Everything about the production deserved an A+.
I saw Jamie and Janice hold hands, their eyes wet with tears. Jules wore an entranced look on his face. I couldn't read Jackie's expression, though? Was she nervous? Excited? Both? Either way, she must be happy to have her boyfriend and her parents here to cheer her on.
When the ballet was over and the cast took their bows, Jules, Janice, Jamie and I lingered behind as the venue emptied. We all wanted to visit Jackie in the dressing room, but before we headed there, Jules needed to get a few things from his car.
Someone with a clipboard escorted us to Jackie's dressing room, where she'd shed her costume and was now dressed comfortably in a sleeveless top and leggings, wiping off her makeup.
Jackie smiled at our reflections in the mirror. "Hey," she said.
"Hey," we chorused.
"Good job out there," said Jamie.
"Simply splendid," added Janice.
Jules approached Jackie, holding a large flower bouquet. "You make a beautiful swan," he said, taking her in his arms and kissing her.
"Thanks, Jules," said Jackie, accepting the bouquet. "What do you say we all go out to eat after I get the last of this makeup off my face?"
"You read my mind," said Jules, an enigmatic smile on his face.
"By the way," said Jackie, "thanks for coming. Seeing you scattered the butterflies in my stomach."
"We wouldn't miss this for the world, Jackie," I said.
"There we are," said Jackie once her face was clean. "What are you in the mood for? Burgers? Italian? Mexican?"
She swiveled around in her chair—and then Julian knelt in front of her and pulled out a ring!
Jackie's hands flew to her mouth.
I nearly stopped breathing.
"Oh, honey!" gasped Janice, holding onto Jamie's arm.
"Jackie, you're a fine ballerina," said Jules, "but while I was watching you on that stage, I realized that you were missing something—a dance partner. Life is one big ballet, after all, and I found that your rhythm matches mine. Jacqueline Spellman—will you marry me?"
"Yes, Julian—I will!" cried Jackie, throwing herself into Jules's arms as her parents applauded.
Julian and Jackie kissed, and then Jules slid the ring onto his fiancée's finger.
Our planned dinner became a spontaneous engagement party. Halfway through our meal, Jules called Josh and Joan.
"Mom, Dad—Jackie and I are getting married!" he exclaimed.
Currently, Jackie and Jules plan to tie the knot next summer, either in July or August. I've volunteered to be the best man, Jas will be the flower girl, and one of Jackie's old friends will be the maid of honor. And of course, Jamie will walk his little girl down the aisle.
So—tonight was a big night for Jules and Jackie.
Luigi
28 August 2000
MK
Dear Diary,
Over two months after the Smash tournament ended, Peach celebrated our triumphant return with a tennis tournament. It had more participants than last time—several Toads, a few Shy Guys, Birdo, a few Paratroopas, some Boos—and Daisy. I was so excited to compete in a tennis tournament with her! Everything was going well, the shots volleying back and forth—until Wario crashed the affair.
And with him was a man whose voice I recognized.
Throughout the Smash tournament, this whiny, nasally voice was my strongest heckler. Even after the tier list drama ended, that voice never seemed to run out of mean things to say about me. Usually, I was able to tune out the voice, but then, the heckler started making lewd and suggestive comments about Daisy. Who could have the nerve to talk about her like that?! Match after match after match, the heckling had grown more aggressive and personal, until finally, I couldn't take anymore and told Master Hand about it. Said heckler was removed from the Spectator Area, but that didn't stop him from using the Smash Blog to annoy me. Eventually, I just blocked him, and in time, forgot all about him. Until now.
The heckler was a tall, thin man with an angular face and piercing eyes with bags under them. His brows and moustache were pointy, just like Wario's. His getup consisted of a purple shirt, darker purple overalls, white gloves and a purple cap with a gamma symbol on it. Since the gamma symbol was an upside down "L", I figured out that this man was my polar opposite, just like Wario was Mario's opposite.
"Hey, everybody," cackled Wario. "I'd like you to meet my friend, Waluigi."
"Wah-ha-ha!" laughed Waluigi. Then, his eyes fell on me. "Well—if it isn't the laughingstock of Smash Bros." He swung his racket threateningly. "I'm-a gonna have you crying like a baby in five seconds."
"Wanna put your money where your mouth is, buddy?" I challenged, swinging my own racket.
"Try me, Mr. Eyeballs!" Waluigi shot back.
The two of us stormed toward each other and got right in each other's faces. He made it clear that he didn't like me, and I didn't like him, either.
"Hey, stop it!" shouted Mario, trying to come between us.
Then, Wario turned on him, pointing his tennis racket at his face. "I'm-a gonna win!" he crowed. "Just you wait, Mr. Perfect!"
I turned my gaze on Wario. "Leave him alone," I warned him.
"Ha! What are you gonna do about it, loser?" challenged Wario.
His words, in turn, set Mario off, and the two of us glared venomously at Wario and Waluigi as they smirked back and sneered at us. The four of us were inches away from coming to blows, right there on the tennis court.
"ROOOAAAR!"
Mario and I turned as Koopa made his grand entrance. Waluigi and Wario shrieked and darted behind the referee's chair for cover. Anticipating the worst, Mario and I took our fighting stances, refusing to allow Koopa to spoil everyone's day for the sake of his obsession with Peach. Then, Koopa smiled and revealed a tennis racket of his own.
Mario relaxed. "Let's all play!" he suggested, and everyone agreed, even Waluigi.
And thus, my heckler finally had a face and a name. I definitely don't count on us getting together for lunch anytime soon, that's for sure!
Luigi
8 November 2000
MK
Dear Diary,
Well—we're in it now.
Yesterday was Election Day, so Mario and I made a stop in Brooklyn to do our civic duty and make our voices heard. We cast our votes for Vice President Gore to lead the country for the next four years, had a bite to eat and headed down the Warp Pipe to Peach's Castle to watch the election results.
"So, who do you hope will win?" I asked.
"I'm really not supposed to take sides in this sort of thing," said Peach, "but I'm on Team Gore. He's shared some rather interesting thoughts on the Internet and the environment. But whoever wins, I'll be happy to work with them."
We stayed up late watching the returns, and it all came down to the state of Florida, where Vice President Gore and Governor Bush were neck-and-neck.
Just after 8:30 in the evening, a Toad walked in with a manila folder, which he gave to Peach.
"Oh," she said as she skimmed through the document within. "It looks like Gore has won the presidency."
"All right!" cheered Mario.
Peach excused herself to make the customary congratulatory call to the President-elect.
It was 90 minutes later when things got weird.
Another Toad walked in with the news that Florida was now "too close to call". A confused look was on Peach's face as she called Gore to apologize and wish him good luck.
Mario and I went home and fell asleep with no idea what would await us in the morning.
At 2:30a.m., we were roused and summoned to the castle, where Peach, dressed in casual clothes, told us that Florida had been called for Governor Bush.
"He's a bit of a goofball, but—I kinda like goofballs," she shrugged. "I've already congratulated him. I had a good working relationship with his dad, so—we'll just have to see."
"Yeah," echoed Mario.
"It's an odd coincidence," I murmured.
"Why?" asked Peach.
"Because his brother's the Governor of Florida," I said. "Don't you find it strange that all of this is happening in that state?"
"If I were in his situation, then yes, I'd want my brother to win," said Peach, "but I'd also follow the law."
We brewed some coffee and watched the developing story on the TV.
I dozed off for a while, but Mario gently woke me up around two hours later.
"They've withdrawn their projection," he said. "The race is still ongoing."
"Wow," I huffed.
"I think you should head home," said Peach. "I'll be in touch with both the candidates."
"Okeydokey," Mario and I said in unison.
Night has once again fallen, and Florida remains too close to call. Daisy, Josh, Joan, Julian, Jackie, Jamie and Janice are also keeping up-to-date. This whole situation is absurd, and it hasn't taken place in my lifetime. Hopefully, it'll resolve before too long.
Luigi
26 November 2000
MK
Dear Diary,
What can I say?
Here we go again.
After most counties in Florida extended the certification deadline, Governor Bush was certified as the election's winner. However, Vice President Gore has contested these results, citing that some counties didn't have enough time to complete their recounts. Over these last few weeks, we've been introduced to such phrases as "hanging chads", indicating ballots that weren't punched all the way in. Peach continues to follow the situation, periodically calling both candidates. When I do my workouts in Josh's gym, it's all we can talk about at the moment. Josh, his family and his soon-to-be-in-laws are hoping for a Gore victory, but I've encountered plenty of Bush supporters in the gym. We keep things friendly, though.
Mario and I are also holding out hope for Gore's victory. Sure, he appears plain and boring, but isn't plain and boring good when it comes to politics?
I'll let you know how all of this turns out.
Luigi
13 December 2000
MK
Dear Diary,
This afternoon, Mario and I joined Peach, Daisy, Yoshi and a handful of Toad retainers in watching Vice President Gore deliver his concession speech. The mood was somber, and a few Toads were moping. This wasn't the result we hoped for, but it was the result we got, and we had to make the best of it.
The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that the Florida recount was unconstitutional and thus couldn't continue. Thus, Governor Bush would lead the country for the next four years, and Gore would graciously bow out. As I said before, Mario and I were disappointed, but since we were given spaghetti sauce, what choice did we have but to make spaghetti?
After Gore finished his speech, Peach waited a few minutes before calling him one last time, wishing him well. Next, she called Bush, congratulating him—for real, this time—and telling him that she looked forward to them working together.
As for me, I called Josh and his family, and we commiserated for a bit before expressing cautious optimism regarding Bush's upcoming presidency.
Ah, well. I'm just glad this mess is over.
Luigi
31 December 2000
Peach's Castle, MK
Dear Diary,
The first year in the new millennium has reached its swan song, and I gotta say, it wasn't a bad start! One of my friends is now engaged to the woman he loves, and his daughter is in preschool, making new friends and learning her letters and numbers. I managed to stun others and turn heads as a Smasher, and there's a possibility that I could become a Smasher again. And I even have a rival and foil of my own, Waluigi. Becoming his friend is definitely not a New Year's resolution, but still. Finally, there was a roller coaster of an election to round out the year.
It won't be long before the official start of the 21st century. And if the start of the new millennium brought me a purple-clad counterpart, then what will the start of a new century bring me? A nifty, new gadget, perhaps? Or another chance to prove that I can play with the big boys as hard as, maybe harder than, my bro?
That would really be something.
Luigi