Chapter 10 - An Appalling Idea

The train steamed into the station just as the sun began to light up the city's stone buildings a pale, watery gold. Erik really should have at least tried to get some sleep on the ride from Paris to Brussels, but instead, his mind had decided to regurgitate the most painful parts of his past. He spent the time struggling against the deluge, only barely managing not to drown, until at last it slowed to a manageable trickle. By the time his feet hit the sidewalk, he felt comfortably drained, though his heart still throbbed and his stomach still twisted - he might have dealt with the past, but there was still the present to contend with.

The torturous mental trials he'd put himself through did at least come with a payoff: he was now clear-headed enough to approach things rationally. By leaving Paris, he had taken himself out of the equation. Whatever the boy might tell her and however she might react was of no consequence to him now; all that mattered was that he stick to his course. He'd been successful so far - he had not killed. Now it was time to get to work on snuffing out the little flame of hope that had been so cruelly rekindled...

And he knew just the man to help with the job.

Erik checked his pocket watch; Nadir would be at the job site by now, not far from the train station. Erik knew the streets and alleys of Brussels well, and could make his way to his destination by slipping through the shadows with ease.

Within a quarter of an hour, he'd arrived at a battered old church with an uninspired, but handsome gothic facade. While it was one of the smaller and less impressive of the city's many offerings, its status as shabby and overlooked was a large part of why he accepted the job in the first place. They'd been tasked with a complete redesign of the exterior, as well as with refreshing and reinforcing the interior, which is where he knew he'd find Nadir. Their work was in its earliest stages; as overseer, Nadir would be supervising a small crew as they began their preparations.

The small tree-lined courtyard was empty. Erik breathed in the coolness of the morning air, damp with the scent of the dew-slicked stone beneath his feet, and exhaled, long and slow. As uncomfortable as it would be (clearly, a person who had built themselves a secret home in a deep, dark cellar valued their privacy), he'd come to the conclusion that the best course of action was to tell Nadir about his conversation with the vicomte. A firm shove in the direction of reality was exactly what he needed - and the sooner, the better.

He flexed his hands, loosening muscles made stiff from hours spent clenched into fists. The rough, weathered wood of the door chafed his palm as he pushed the heavy, arched door open, the hinges groaning in protest. He passed through the narthex and into the nave. The space was tall, narrow, and very dark - a cave of deep red brick and polished mahogany, studded with glowing jewels of stained glass. Erik was struck with a feeling of breathless reverence, despite the tired, musty atmosphere...and the fact that he wasn't exactly what one would call a...religious man. Not only had he effortlessly broken more than his fair share of commandments, he didn't feel particularly inclined to seek forgiveness for them, either. While the irony of Erik designing a house of God was not lost on him (nor on Nadir, to whom it was a source of endless amusement), that didn't mean he couldn't appreciate the beauty of the trappings meant to be enjoyed by the blessed, even if he was Hell-bound himself.

The chipped wooden pews had been pushed to one side of the nave, making space for the crew of three men, who were assembling a ladder as they chatted softly with one another. Near the altar, Nadir hunched over a table scattered with papers and well-worn brass tools. Erik hovered along the back wall, tucked into the shadows alongside a richly embroidered, but dusty and rather threadbare tapestry. He unfurled hands that had once again reflexively curled into fists, squared his shoulders, and announced himself by softly clearing his throat.

"Erik!" Nadir looked up with a smile, his eyes crinkling behind gold-rimmed spectacles. "What a nice surprise to see you here! I didn't expect you back until tomorrow!" His smile faltered. He paused, and a crease appeared between his brows. "I hate to have to ask...but would you mind stepping away from that beautiful tapestry?" The corner of his mouth began to twitch. "I'd hate for it to catch if you should suddenly burst into flame."

"Yes, that's very clever, Daroga," Erik replied flatly. "Though decidedly less clever than last time. Or the time before that."

"And the time before that, I know, I know…" Nadir chuckled. He left his papers and wound his way through piles of equipment and discarded overcoats to Erik, clasping his warm hands around Erik's in greeting. "Let an old man have his fun."

"Fun?" Erik scoffed, his tone cloaked in faux outrage. "You're supposed to be working! What are you being paid for, anyway?"

Nadir gave a playful shrug. "Oh, just for doing all of the work which you find so distasteful: meeting with clients, hiring the crew, supervising their work… In short, anything that requires you to interact with your fellow man."

"True...only I'm not so sure they'd call me fellow," Erik said, squinting at the small crew from over Nadir's shoulder. They had given Erik respectful nods as he entered and then studiously ignored him.

"Not when you're skulking about in the shadows like that." Nadir took him by the elbow. "Come, Erik, let's go take a look around outside and get ourselves better acquainted with our new baby," he said, patting the dingy brick wall.

The opportunity had come much sooner than he'd expected. Erik arranged his features into a neutral expression and nodded his assent, trying to ignore the feeling that his stomach was attempting to turn itself inside-out.

They'd only made it a few steps when Nadir stopped and turned. "Emile, could you please bring me my notes?" he asked, calling across the room to the crew. A young man popped his head up. He was an apprentice, barely out of school, with a blonde wisp of a moustache and a pencil permanently tucked behind one ear. Erik had argued, strongly, against taking him on.

The boy bounded across the room, scooped up a leather-bound notebook, and hurried it over to Nadir, his face plastered with the smile of the over-eager. "Here you are, Monsieur Khan. Anything else?" the boy chirped, looking at them both in turn, his eyes conspicuously avoiding Erik's mask.

Nadir was responsible for briefing all new crew members on their other, much-less-involved employer, explaining that he wore a mask due to a disfiguring accident, and if they cared to keep their jobs, they should avoid ever mentioning it. They followed that advice very well, rarely speaking to him at all, unless out of necessity. Erik was especially appreciative of that fact today, when even the sight of the insufferable youth set his teeth on edge.

Nadir thanked the boy and then paused, thoughtful. "Actually, yes. Why don't you come along with us - you can take n-"

"No," snapped Erik, cutting Nadir off decisively. He stabbed a finger toward the wide-eyed boy's chest. "He stays."

The boy looked helplessly to Nadir, who turned to Erik with a questioning frown.

"What?" Erik said, lifting his chin. "I'm in no mood to have him following along, nipping at my heels like a pup." Even to his own ears, his tone was markedly haughty.

Nadir turned to the apprentice with a chagrined smile and an apologetic spread of his hands. The boy nodded, crestfallen, and walked back to the group of men, this time without that annoying spring in his step.

…

Out in the courtyard, Nadir gave Erik the look he saved for occasions when he felt Erik had been particularly churlish - an expression that managed to be both disappointed and unsurprised.

"What was that about?" Nadir asked, tucking his notebook under his arm.

"What was what about?" Erik replied, indignant. "You know I'm not fond of that boy. I should be asking you what you were doing, inviting him along without bothering to ask me first."

Nadir rolled his eyes up to the sky and sighed. "I don't have the energy this early in the morning to explain basic civility to you, Erik, so you're being spared the lecture...for now."

To the west of the church, along the opposite side of the narrow, cobblestone street, two shopkeepers flung open their doors and shouted greetings to one another across an already half-filled cafe patio. Erik nodded toward the east side of the church, where a flat, grassy path bordered by a low stone wall ran the length of the building and terminated in a small, overgrown garden. The two walked along in silence, save for the hum of city sounds drifting along on the soft morning breeze. Fall was just beginning to set in - the scent of summer greenery was still heavy in the air, but the edges of the leaves on the trees which flanked the church had been dipped in gold. Winding trails of russet-tinged ivy climbed skyward up the crumbling brick, reaching for the rising sun.

Nadir was first to break their silence. "How was Paris?" he asked, glancing sideways at Erik. "You're back much sooner than I expected."

"Yes, sooner than I expected, too." Erik brushed his fingertips along the brick - they came back with a coating of grit and sooty brown dust. "As it turned out, I didn't care to have so much time alone with my thoughts."

"Really?" Nadir stroked his thick, graying moustache. "I thought you loved nothing better than to bask in your own genius."

"Oh," Erik said, pausing to blow the dust from his fingers, "but I can appreciate my intelligence so much more when I have yours to contrast it with. " The comforting familiarity of their easy patter softened his ever-present tension just enough to allow the hint of a wry smile.

Erik forced himself to turn to face Nadir. He wouldn't get a better lead in for what he needed to say, as much as he wished he could put it off just a few moments longer. He exhaled. "Actually, I…"

He faltered, the words evaporating on his lips.

Being forced to see reason may be what he needed, but, god help him...he wasn't sure it was what he wanted.

Not just yet.

Yes, each beat of his heart was a stab in the chest, but he was starting to think it felt better than the long years of feeling nothing at all.

Maybe he could have just one more day?

Nadir raised an eyebrow.

"I…" Erik began again, entirely unsure of what would follow. But before another word could form, from behind him came the sound of feet slapping the grass, growing steadily louder.

He squeezed his eyes shut and allowed the blistering tide to rise in his chest unimpeded, until it was ready to overflow.

Erik rounded on the pink-faced apprentice with a vicious snarl. "I told you to stay away!"

"I'm sorry, sir!" the boy cried, recoiling. "I was just bringing Monsieur Khan this, sir!" He held out an ivory fountain pen, its intricate carved designs smoothed by years of use. Nadir's pen - his favorite. It vibrated in the boy's trembling hand.

Nadir stepped forward quickly and took it from him. "Thank you, Emile," he said in his softest, warmest voice. "And, please, don't worry. I think Monsieur Erik must be tired from his travels." He cut a sharp look in Erik's direction. "Why don't you take a break, Emile. Go get a coffee." He reached into the pocket of his waistcoat, pulled out a few coins, and pressed them into the boy's palm. "On me."

A whispered "thank you", and the boy was off running.

Nadir turned to Erik, his brows knitted into a scowl. "Now really, Erik. That poor child did nothing wrong. I know that you don't care for him, but you've been unusually waspish, which is really saying something." He narrowed his eyes. "What's going on?"

"Nothing is going on!" The white-hot anger had already begun to cool and harden into something resembling shame - not that he would ever admit it.

"So you've just decided to come back early to terrorize that young man?"

"Of course not. He has nothing to do with anything." Erik turned away, tossing his words back over his shoulder dismissively. "I'm just not in the mood to be so around someone so unbearably irritating."

"Is that so?" Nadir raised a skeptical brow. "And may I venture a guess as to why you find him so 'unbearably irritating'?" His eyes were still kind, but his tone had sharpened.

Erik thought that his withering glare was a good indication that he'd rather no guesses were ventured, but Nadir continued on, regardless.

"Could it be that he reminds you of a certain someone from your past?"

Clearly, Erik could see where Nadir was going with this. He crossed his arms across his chest.

"An eager young man...earnest, gregarious…"

Erik would have gone with pushy, naive, and obnoxious, but Nadir was entitled to his opinion.

"...blonde, handsome?"

Erik slitted his eyes in a look of warning.

"One you were quite jealous of?"

Hot blood thudded in Erik's ears. Any thoughts of keeping his secret for just a little while longer were tossed aside - all he could taste was the bitter thrill of vindication. "No, he does not," Erik hissed. "And as for the someone you're referring to, it just so happens that he and I crossed paths while I was in Paris, and I can say quite confidently that there is no longer anything to be jealous of," he said, punctuating his declaration with a particularly nasty smirk.

There was a moment of silence as Nadir blinked at him, uncomprehending. Then, slowly, Nadir's eyes began to widen with dawning realization. "Erik, you didn't…"

"Oh relax, you sanctimonious old fool. That's not what I meant," Erik huffed. "I didn't harm a single golden hair on that beautiful, empty head of his. In fact," he continued, ignoring Nadir's overly-loud sigh of relief, "it was quite the opposite. If it weren't for me, he'd be dead."

"What on earth are you talking about," Nadir asked, frowning.

"Well…" He'd done it. He'd opened the box and, like it or not, there was now no closing it. He looked around to confirm there was no one within earshot and then continued: "Well...it seems he'd had one drink - or several - too many before he attempted to call on me. Obviously, anyone with any sense would agree that excessive drinking and attempting to navigate poorly-lit walkways near dangerous water features is a terrible idea, but sense isn't really something he's been overly burdened with, is it?" With each word the heaviness in Erik's chest began to lighten, and the feeling of buoyancy spurred him on. "Unsurprisingly, he ended up in the lake. I heard the bell and went to investigate, and found him in the water, sinking like a well-dressed sack of potatoes." He paused, giving his dumbfounded friend a moment to let the story sink in. "I suppose you'll be pleased to know that rather than let him drown, I fished him out, and without a moment's hesitation," Erik finished, with not even the slightest bit of enthusiasm.

"Yes," Nadir replied, grinning as appreciatively as if he'd been the one pulled out of the lake. "I am very pleased. Well done, Erik," he said, clapping him on the shoulder.

"Perhaps...but perhaps not." Erik gestured to a more private spot, just beyond the church, where the garden's unkempt hedges provided a screen from prying eyes. "I think it might have been a mercy to just let him drown. You'd never guess why he said he came."

"Well, I think it's safe to say that it's not because you're such pleasant company," Nadir said, still grinning.

"Yes," replied Erik, "and thank you for that. You never miss an opportunity to remind me of my shortcomings, do you?"

Nadir shrugged. "I do what I can."

"And I do just fine on my own, thank you," Erik said, not missing a beat, "but as I was saying…" The two stepped into the shadows, and Erik lowered his voice. "I know you're aware that the vicomte and...his wife...have had no children," he said, as Nadir nodded. "As it turns out...it's not for lack of wanting."

Nadir's face creased with sympathy. "Oh, how awful for them!"

"Yes, truly awful." Erik agreed, attempting what he hoped passed as sincerity, and most likely failing. "Understandably, they're quite distraught. And then there's the added pressure of needing to secure his line with an heir… He's quite desperate." He paused for effect. "Desperate enough to ask for my help."

"Your help?" Nadir asked, puzzled. Then a flash of light sparked in his eyes. "Oh god, Erik, " he said, a note of rising panic in his voice. "Please tell me you haven't gotten caught up in some sort of kidnapping plot!"

"My god, of course not!" Erik scoffed, shooting Nadir a dirty look...though in truth, he was not nearly as offended as he pretended to be.

"Well that's a relief," Nadir said, pulling a handkerchief out of his pocket and patting his brow. "That would be low, even for you."

"I appreciate the compliment, such as it is. But no...it was even more absurd than that," Erik said, stepping closer. "He asked for my help." He leveled a meaningful look at Nadir and waited for comprehension.

It didn't come.

He tried again. "I'm, ah, to provide the baby...directly?"

"I'm sorry Erik, I don't-"

"Oh goddamn it!" Erik whispered furiously. "He asked me to impregnate her, you obtuse idiot!"

Nadir blinked hard, stunned. "Wait...what?"

"Well, it's quite simple," Erik said, in the same admittedly pedantic tone he used while explaining the details of his building plans. "He claims a doctor has told him he's sterile, so it would be impossible for him to father a child. The idea is that someone else could do it - that someone being me."

He blew out his remaining breath. He'd done the hard part. Now he would simply wait for Nadir, practical and reasonable as he was, to tell Erik what he already knew: that it was a bad plan, he would only get hurt, and he absolutely should not get involved.

Erik shifted his feet on the uneven ground, watching his friend's thoughts play out upon his face: bewilderment, consternation, wonder, and then finally, revelation.

He looked up at Erik, eyes wide...and burst out laughing.

He laughed long and hard - much longer and much harder than was warranted, in Erik's opinion. Erik gritted his teeth and tried to ignore the fizzing heat which was building behind his breastbone

After what was, frankly, a gratuitous amount of time, Nadir's fit of laughter died down and he managed to catch his breath. "I'll say it, though it's one of my least favorite phrases: You're right, Erik." Again he pulled out his handkerchief, removing his spectacles to dab at the tears which had begun to leak from his eyes. "That truly is the most absurd thing I've ever heard. The whole idea makes absolutely no sense, none at all," he chuckled, readjusting his spectacles and pocketing his handkerchief.

Heat began to spread up Erik's throat from beneath his collar. "Well, I wouldn't exactly say it makes no sense," he said, taking a step back and looking down at Nadir with narrowed eyes. "He had some fairly compelling logic, some well-thought-out reasons. And he did seem quite sure of himself." He braced his hands on his hips. "I had quite a time of it, trying to dissuade him."

Nadir raised an eyebrow. "And did you?"

"As I said, I tried," Erik said coolly. "He was very insistent."

"But you said no, of course."

"I didn't agree, if that's what you're asking."

"No, I'm asking specifically if you said no," Nadir said, looking down his nose at him like a schoolmaster interrogating an impertinent pupil. "You did say no, Erik?"

Erik exhaled sharply through pursed lips. "Who cares what I did or didn't say? It's not happening." He stepped around Nadir and began to walk out of the shade of the hedge, heading toward the rear entrance of the church.

"It's not happening because you don't think it's likely to happen or because you refused?" Nadir asked, right on his heels.

Erik spun around to face him. "I'm not going to argue semantics with you, Daroga."

"Erik," Nadir said, placing a steady hand on his shoulder and looking him straight in the eyes. "Please promise me you're not seriously considering this appalling idea."

"Appalling?" Erik huffed, shrugging off the hand. "That's rather insulting, Daroga."

"No, it's a fact," Nadir said strongly. He sighed, his shoulders slumping in resignation. "Look, do you need to hear the many, many, many reasons why the whole idea is horrible, or would you just like the reasons why asking you, of all people, is spectacularly horrible?"

The heat that had scorched his chest and throat began to seep into his belly - the tide was rising once again. Erik took a deep, cooling breath. "As I said earlier, I hardly need your help to remind me of my shortcomings, thank you," he said from between gritted teeth.

Nadir put up his hands in a defensive, conciliatory gesture. "Alright, alright, understood!"

Erik turned, giving him a sullen look out of the corner of his eye. "Just forget about it. Obviously, I'm not considering it."

"Then I'm glad to hear that," Nadir said evenly. He pulled out his notebook and flipped it open. "Now, did you have any interest in actually working this morning, or were you planning on spending the rest of the day sulking?"

Erik shook his head. He wasn't sure how this discussion had gone so wrong, or...perhaps he just didn't want to think about it too hard. He felt drained, boneless, which at least was preferable to his prior state of being crushed by tension and impaled in the heart with a spear of searing longing. If his goal had been to annihilate all hope, well, bravo - job done.

"You know, Daroga," Erik said with a tired, sideways smile. "You, of all people, should know what happens to those who dare to address me with such blatant disrespect."

"Yes, I do," Nadir replied, trying to suppress a sly smile. "They save your sorry skin from certain death, only to be repaid by being exiled from their homeland, and then are forced to spend the rest of their days putting up with your frequent fits of pique and endless brooding."

Erik smiled again, only this time it was a smile of the rarest sort: full, genuine, and full of gratitude. "You are a good friend, aren't you?"

"And your only, as a matter of fact," Nadir said with a quick wink, as he flipped open his notebook again and uncapped his pen.

It was true, Nadir was a good friend. Yes, Erik would have preferred that he'd brought him crashing back down to reality in a less...humiliating fashion, but still, he'd said what Erik needed to hear, the way only a true friend could.

And yet…

After having felt compelled to defend the proposal, Erik couldn't help but wonder…

Was it possible that it might make a certain sense after all?

And what if she did agree? Could Erik really turn her down? Wasn't it true that he would do anything for her?

Couldn't he temper the flame of hope just enough to keep it burning without letting it engulf him? He could keep his expectations low - even five minutes in her presence could be enough to sustain him for the rest of his days...couldn't it?

They'd arrived at the rear entrance of the church. Nadir held open the door and nodded for Erik to go in first.

Erik hesitated at the base of the steps leading to the entry. "Just out of curiosity," he said, attempting to keep his tone light and airy, "suppose I were to consider it…?"

Nadir let the door swing shut with a creak and thump. "Erik." He pressed his fingers to his temples and released a short stream of Persian curses under his breath. Erik couldn't make it all out, but some rather unsavory things were said about Erik's late father. "You promised to stay away from them!"

"So I did," Erik shot back. "And so I have. But I made no promises about what might happen if they came to me."

"Now who's arguing semantics?"

"She's unhappy, Daroga! How can I not get involved? I can't go on knowing she's unhappy," Erik all but whined, wishing he sounded more passionate than petulant. "Her happiness is my only reason for living! What else do I have?"

"Spare me." Nadir said, rolling his eyes harder than Erik would have thought possible. "You're far too attached to your martyrdom. You've chosen to waste the last five years of your life wringing every last drop out of your 'sacrifice'. It's high time you make your life about your own happiness, instead of hers."

"Alright then, so what if it makes me happy to get involved?" Erik arched his brow. "It's a pretty good deal for me, after all," he said with a smirk.

Nadir snorted derisively. "You know, if you're really so hard up you could find another woman."

Erik lifted his chin. "There has never been and never will be another woman for me," he proclaimed. Never had he said a truer thing in his life.

"Well, that's a problem, isn't it…" Nadir began slowly. He had a shrewd look in his eyes, like a gambler assessing his odds, finding them lacking, and deciding to shoot the dice anyway. "I hate to have to say this, but this isn't exactly your area of expertise, is it? I mean, a doll isn't quite the same-"

This time there was no gradual build up, no warning - the white-hot molten rage erupted, and Erik's vision was bathed in blood red. He took the steps in one large bound and grasped Nadir by the collar. "Whatever it is that you're implying," he hissed, gripping the fabric even tighter as Nadir stared back defiantly, "I can assure you that, as usual, you have no idea what you're talking about. And if I were you," He pressed in close, his voice lethal. "I would not talk about it - any of it - ever again." He flung Nadir against the door with a satisfying thud, turned on his heel, and stalked all the way home, never once looking back.

…

They didn't speak to one another for five days.

…

On the sixth day, a letter arrived - addressed in Giry's distinctive block print.

Hey, hey! Happy Father's Day! This took longer than expected because it ended up expanded beyond what I'd first planned, but here it is. I wanted to get it up today, so please excuse any typos I'll fix or tweaks I might end up making in the future. Coming up...Raoul and Christine! What are those two crazy kids up to? Find out in Chapter 10!