A/N: This is the non-explicit version. If you'd like to read the naughty version, it's on ao3.
There weren't many things Edward Cullen regretted in life. He had a smug superiority leftover from his human life that kept him from feeling much guilt or remorse over what he deemed as trivial. He didn't feel one way or another, when he burned Emmett's crusty old rifle along with his ruined human clothing. Apparently, it wasn't just the only thing he had left to tie himself to his human family. That rifle had traveled with them into this country from Ireland, and then across America as early pioneers. He certainly didn't care when he demolished Rosalie's childhood home, the entire block, and built apartment buildings. He had thought she would be pleased, that the memories of the horrible end to her human life could now done away with, like he had with the physical places where they had occurred. He had thought she would be happy, we made a lot of money from those apartments. She transferred the rest of her and Emmett's personal properties out of the Cullen Trust and set up her own with Emmett.
He had only felt marginally bad when he broke one of Esme's favorite fine china tea sets from England. That was mostly because he felt like he had wasted his money on it, now that it was broken. It was near irreplaceable. Edward had killed someone just so it would go up to auction in time for her birthday. He had however, felt awful when he had drained that little girl in Maryland. But... that was more about hating the absolute barren wilderness of Montana, and how small his room in the cabin was to the mansion in Maryland. This however, was something Edward was beginning to feel true remorse over. He was glad no one could invade his thoughts, like he had done countless times to so many others. He was thankful to no longer be in Jasper's presence, and having his emotions examined with a fine toothed comb in the empath's thoughts. Because Edward, could not stop playing the what-if game.
What if - He had Alice's powers, and could have made decision after decision trying to find the right one with the most favorable outcome. Would he have been able to wield and control the visions better than Alice? She had always tried to explain that they didn't work like that, could he have made them, if he had her powers, wouldn't he have used them better than she did?
What if - He hadn't suggested moving back to Forks. It hadn't been a hundred years, and that was the earliest they would consider moving back into an old property. Carlisle hadn't given his suggestion a second thought, and agreed. 68 years was not enough time to ensure that people forgot about them. Their treaty with the local pack of werewolves, certainly should have kept them from going. With how fast the wolves began to shape shift around them, should have been the first clue to move away.
What if - He had told Jasper from the very beginning? Could he have kept himself out of it? Would she still have ended up with him? Would he have been punished by the blonde vampire, the way she had said he would?
What if - He had just changed Bella back in Phoenix? It was what she wanted, anyway. Would she still have been his if she became a vampire then? He had gotten an earful later. From multiple members of the family. Even Rosalie was upset that Bella had to endure the unbearable pain of the change just because I was desperate for her to die a human. She had to die a human though, that was the deal.
He looked up at Alice's reflection in the rear view mirror, and wondered if she had seen it all and still said nothing. Had she known from the very beginning? Had she been aware of every time he tried to manipulate Bella into dangerous situations, and she did nothing? Had she known about that very first choice, and didn't say a thing to Jasper? Her husband? Her supposed mate?
"Would it have made a difference, if I had told Maria no?" He asked her, his voice quavering. Both from the pain of his limbs being forcibly removed from his body, and from the anxiety and terror from knowing this all could have been avoided. He had wanted Bella to stay in Forks and have a family, not go back to the south. Where his lies would be so easily discovered.
"That all depends on what difference you want to make." Alice replied cryptically. This did nothing for Edward, just kept him spiraling in what could have been. Was there a single choice that would let him keep his arms, his family, and keep the Volturi at bay? Bella? He could lose her, if he kept the rest. He had nothing, now. Not even the human who doted after, and loved him so.
'Everything' He thought glumly to himself, feeling himself fall into wallow and despair. 'Everything...' He couldn't help himself then, from going down a path on what could have been. On who could have been his. Remembering Alice's vision from earlier, an intrusive thought he couldn't bear to tear himself away from. Flashes of her gleaming pale skin lying beneath his silver scarred torso, legs wrapped around him. Contrast of his scars vs her unmarred skin unmistakable to Edward. How undeserving the battle scarred blonde was of Bella's vampuric perfection. Even his hands were marked with silvery lines and bites, and Edward tried not to remember, tried to think of other things. He was weak with hunger, loss of venom, and he just couldn't bring himself to forget. To stop remembering, to tear himself away from the visual of Jasper's hand creeping along her rib cage, as it teased her breast before making its way to her throat. Edward tried to close his eyes, but they were already closed. The vision playing across the backs of his eyelids like a filthy movie theatre feature.
~*filthy movie*~
And then Edward was filled with unending shame. His pants ruined, and no change of clothes had been brought with him or taken from the Ithaca house. He was embarrassed and so ashamed he lost control of himself like that. Like some out of control sex crazed newborn. He had never lost control of himself like that before, and there weren't enough excuses in the world to blame it solely on his hunger and lack of limbs. Alice said nothing, as if she didn't hear anything over the last few moments. Her thoughts were on concentrating on thinking about anything else, but what Edward had just been doing in the back seat of his rented Volvo. It wasn't hard to guess what he had been thinking about, though she desperately tried not to.
By the time Jasper and Bella had finished sating themselves fully in each other's bodies, the sun had set, risen and had just lowered over the horizon again. Charlotte and Peter hanging around far enough away to make sure nothing happened to the couple enjoying themselves, out in the broad expanse of private driveway. Patrolling the perimeter not only to keep the couple safe, but to keep humans safe from the couple. Peter hadn't been around a newborn that had just mated, and despite Bella seeming to lack a lot of the uncontrollable aspects of newborn vampirism, he didn't want to find out through personal experience. Edward could come back and be the guinea pig for that one. They had no reason to believe the Volturi would come back for Felix's ashes, or to the scene of the crime, but they had no reason not to believe they wouldn't, either. Peter was all about trying to look at things from every angle. Even ones he would never consider, as they were too improbable. Which actually made them a good idea, when you thought about it. It was one of the reasons Maria kept him around past the newborn's first year. He was good at strategy. A lot of the unconventional methods and strategies she would later be famed for, were all Peter. Peter assumed he must have played a lot of Dungeons and Dragons, or Risk in his human life. He certainly enjoyed those games now.
Bella had run embarrassed into the house, and in her haste to fling the door open, she flung it right off its hinges, completely crushing the doorknob. Not all vampires came into this life with the same unabashed shamelessness as others. Some, it came to them over time. Slowly giving up their human pretenses of decency and morality. Others, like Edward, would always bathe in a full suit of trunks and top. As for her inability to open a door without destroying it, that was something all newborns would learn with time. Peter took this time to fill in Jasper on all he had missed, though The Major hadn't asked for a report or even indicated he cared to hear it once Peter started filling him in.
"Edward is with the rest of the Cullen's in Denali, with the Denali sisters, Kate and Eleazar." He paused, and Jasper just nodded at him to go ahead. He didn't give a shit about any of the Alaskan coven. "Alice tells you to call her for Bella, when she needs her help." Peter continued, noticing that Jasper was a bit curious at this one. He had noticed there wasn't any animosity between the previously-thought-to-be-mated pair, but he wasn't sure if they were friends or what. "She reminds you about the duffle bag she left, said it has clothes Bella will tolerate, she promises." 'That didn't particularly mean much,' Jasper thought. Most of the clothes she put Bella in as a human were only tolerated because of her affection for Alice and the joy she saw it gave her to have a girlfriend. "That there are new papers for all of us. Bella, you, me and Char at the bottom, along with some cash to keep us solvent." Jasper wasn't surprised at this one in the least, though Peter was. When Alice cared about you, that extended out to who you cared about. Even if she literally couldn't stand Peter, and only tried to get to know Charlotte out of obligation while she and Jasper were together.
"That's it?" He had been hoping for more, perhaps a glimpse of the Volturi and their plans, or something about Rosalie and Emmett.
"That was it." Peter shrugged, wondering what more he could want. It had only been a few days. It wasn't like there was a lot of time for things to happen, and Peter sadly didn't know shit. Hadn't known shit for days, not since he had the hankering to bite someone.
"Nothing from Rosalie?" He cared a lot for his fake twin, and her husband was an exuberant source of joyful emotions he couldn't get outside of hanging around a daycare, and he didn't even want to see the horrified expressions of the Cullen family if he had ever suggested such a trip, for his own emotional well being. Luckily, he had Emmett.
"No, are you asking out of concern or curiosity?" Peter asked, wondering if he should have told Garrett to keep an eye out for the blonde bombshell and her dark haired barbarian of a husband when he spoke to him earlier. He knew the revolutionary era vampire would be none to pleased with the Volturi crossing the border into his country, so he had called to give them a heads up, though he had already been on top of it and planning to visit Carlisle to talk about it. Garrett was ever the revolutionary, he had wanted to form an American version of the vampire hierarchy. Having no desire to campaign for, participate in, or rule said vampire government, it never went anymore more than hopes and dreams. Unlike his participation in the American Revolution. He would have signed the declaration of independence, if he wasn't burning alive through the transformation. A parting farewell from a British loyalist vampire, to a lowly colonist. Garrett always felt like he had the last laugh, since the Declaration was signed and this was it's own damn country, now.
"Both." Jasper couldn't help but think it was strange, and pointed, that Alice didn't mention either of the other members of the Cullen Coven. He didn't think they were in Alaska, but that Alice didn't way to say so to Peter. He couldn't figure out why Alice would be leaving him clues like this, but he knew in his gut, that's exactly what it was. "She never mentioned them at all, did she?" He asked the younger vampire for clarification, needing to know more of what was said. "Who's names did she use?"
"She only names she said were Edward, Kate and Eleazar. She didn't say anyone else's names. She didn't name the Denali Sisters, perhaps because I wouldn't have known their names anyway?" Peter was trying to help The Major through this, because that was what was going through Jasper's mind at the moment. What could have gone wrong that he didn't know, what he would need to do in order to protect those he loved, and two of those were missing. She didn't specify Carlisle and Esme, though why say 'rest of the Cullens' if the matriarch and patriarch were missing? Jasper had realized a few days ago that his days living a quiet life were over, and his time as The Major was beginning anew. Was this where it would truly start? With Rosalie and Emmett missing?
"I don't like this at all." Jasper said. Something was slowly dawning on him. "Tanya, Kate and Irina are the sisters." He was picturing each one in turn, all blonde, leggy and amber eyes until it came to Irina with her darker blonde hair and just under five ten stature. Carmen and Elezar are the only mated pair in that coven." The Major had just cottoned on to something Alice was trying to tell him, unfortunately, he wasn't sure what to do with that information. "I don't think they are in Alaska, Peter." Unfortunately, Peter was starting to agree with him. No mention of the majority of her own coven, and intentionally messing up the names of the only other coven in the world who shared a vegetarian lifestyle, was more than suspicious. It was a blaring tornado warning, a communist parade. Something was going on, and members of the Cullen coven were missing, or in danger, or even dead already.
"I'll call Garrett again, I told him about the Volturi, you know how he gets, but he's got a lot more friends than we do, seeing how you don't rightly exist. We are going to need his network." The Cullens were always just about the flashiest vampires around, outside the Volturi. Everyone knew who they were. It wasn't just their amber eyes and denial of human blood, it was the flashy cars, the urge to live among humans, to parade around as such. It had caused more than one catastrophic blood bath over the decades.
"Ask him to come with us." Jasper asked, uncharacteristically. While it wasn't like he had a difficult relationship with the nomadic vampire, he just never included anyone but Charlotte and Peter in anything. Aside from his time with the Cullens, when they were less than welcomed due to their diet and disregard for most human life. Peter had the idea that he would want to invite Rosalie and Emmett to join their coven, but inviting Garrett along was different than an invitation to join. He wasn't used to traveling or living with any other vampires. He was inviting Garrett because he was a strong vampire, and a good asset to have in a fight. The Whitlock Coven would be growing, into perhaps the very thing Garrett had always wanted. A powerhouse to keep the Volturi the fuck out of the Americas.
Charlotte came out of the house then, not realizing she was interrupting anything, let alone anything as important as this mess, to tell Jasper that Bella had asked for him. She had ruined two of the five bathrooms fixtures already trying to turn the knobs herself, determined to master being a vampire immediately. She finally relented, and let Charlotte go get Jasper. Peter nodded at Jasper then, to let him know he would handle it and he was free to go help his mate. 'Hopefully it wouldn't end up in another few days of fucking.' Peter thought bemusedly, not actually caring if that happened or not. He was glad to see his friend so happy. Peter couldn't quite put his finger on what exactly had changed in his friend, he seemed unburdened somehow.
When Jasper reached the bathroom she had decided to ask for help operating, instead of obliterating it, he realized why. It was Esme and Carlisle's. Esme always went with delicate floral wallpaper and gold fixtures, pink embellishments only in the roses on the walls and in the vase between the dual sinks. The pale granite with the hint of gold veins running through it. It was opulent but not terribly so. There wasn't a chandelier. He could hear Peter and Charlotte talking about leaving and getting the truck, but Charlotte not sure if they would make it out of the bathroom without distraction, being reluctant to leave her new friend and her coven leader vulnerable and in a compromising position. They were torn between giving them privacy and not giving them too much space... Just in case.
"I feel like this should be more awkward than it is." Bella said shyly, making a modest attempt at not showing him everything, though he had just spent a lot of time seeing everything up close and personal. He made a point of averting his head while he turned the knobs on the shower and adjusted the temperature to how she told him she liked it. What she hadn't realized was that his view was now on her, through the bathroom mirror.
"I'm sure that must be difficult for you, you were always feeling embarrassed or awkward about something." He hadn't meant it as a slight, just an observation. She got in the shower and he shut the curtain for her.
"Is that true?" She asked, feeling embarrassed this time. "Was it really that obvious how uncomfortable I always felt?" He could hear her pick up the body wash bottle and it explode all over her hands. She didn't say anything, so he didn't offer any help. She was practically radiating joy from the hot water and soapy bubbles. It was easy to distract a newborn vampire. Could be why that myth about vampires loving to count, comes from.
"Not always, I only felt you when you were around Edward or Alice." It was a pointed comment, since Alice was putting her in fancy clothes and doing her hair, which Bella didn't mind but... Sitting there for hours was really uncomfortable, and it was embarrassing, Bella had felt like she wasn't good at being a girl. Edward was always making her feel inferior or stupid about something, so that was a given.
"The only time we spent alone, was in Phoenix." She tried to remember, but she couldn't. It was all overshadowed by the pain of her almost change, and the trauma of Edward trying to leave her immediately after. As if he finally realized that she was a fragile human, and he couldn't deal with the burden.
"You never answered my question, you know." She said from behind the veil of darkness. She had asked a lot of questions, and he wasn't sure which one it could be. She was curious now, but still bemused at the bubbles and feeling of them on her skin as she cleansed herself.
"You rapid fired quite a few at me, which one do you mean, darlin'?" Jasper hadn't experienced a hot shower when he was a newborn, it wasn't a common place thing back then. He had still enjoyed his first immensely, though the novelty of it all had wore off over the years. Feeling Bella's enjoyment of it all, brought him back to his first time and the exuberance was infectious.
"I guess it's two questions... Why did you change me? Did I get sicker?" He had almost forgot she had felt poorly at all before her change. She wasn't giving off anger, just curiosity and concern. For who, herself? Jasper? He wasn't sure how to explain his impulsiveness, other than the truth.
"I couldn't resist the mating pull, once I realized what it was." He wasn't sure how to explain it to her, that he wanted to bite her more than anything and make her immortal and near invincible before something terrible happened to her, because she was clumsy as hell? Probably wouldn't go over that well.
"Was it anything like earlier, when we were together?" You could hear the parentheses around 'together.'
"Yes, but nowhere near as climatic." He replied suggestively, he couldn't resist it. She was naked on the other side of the shower curtain, and his Mama may have raised him to be a gentlemen, but that was his mate. "Though the taste of your blood was absolutely euphoric." Jasper couldn't help but feeling a bit smug over on Edward. He had tasted and resisted the blood of Edward's singer, the blood he longed for, and now could never have. Suck ass, Ed.
"Ew, Jasper." Bella chided, grossed out. Her emotions of true disgust made Jasper laugh hard.
"Darlin' there's going to be a lot more blood talk in your future." She felt very appreciative and admiring and before he could ask her about it she said,
"Where was your accent when you were living with the Cullens?" Jasper was incredibly pleased at the idea that Bella liked his accent. He never minded being southern and sounding like a 'hillbilly' as Alice would say.
"Alice never much cared for it. Besides, it's not like we spent oodles of time together while you were human. Edward would never have allowed it." It was almost like Edward knew, and were keeping them apart on purpose. There was no way that little dumb ass could have hid his thoughts from Jasper, though. A low growl came out of Bella from behind the shower curtain and Jasper wondered if it was about Alice or Edward. A second later she rips open the curtain, sending the metal rings holding it up flying all over the bathroom. She felt a little embarrassed, clearly not having intended on such destruction.
"Peter said I would regret hurting Edward, but I accidentally ripped his arm off, and I don't feel bad at all." She said all in a rush. Standing there in her indignant rage, completely naked and soaking wet. Jasper reached for a towel, not taking his eyes off of her and missed the first few swipes of his hand from distraction.
"You should tell Emmett that, he's never gotten to rip off one of Edward's limbs before. He can always hear his moves before he makes them. Peter was right, though. Arms can be reattached, but there are some things you can't really reattach on a vampire." He went to hand her the towel and decided that drying her off would be easier on the towel.
"What can't be reattached?" Bella asked, a bit too eagerly as far as Jasper was concerned.
"Never you mind about that for now. That's nothing for you to worry about. Let's focus on you opening doors without destroying them and then we can worry about teaching you how to destroy things on purpose."
"Who said it was a worry?" She replied saucily, as Jasper went to find her something to wear out of the clothes Alice packed for her. She was amused and filled with anticipation. He could only imagine what she was day dreaming of doing to Edward. He pointedly ignored her comment, hoping she'd get distracted with something else soon enough. He didn't care enough about Edward to protect him from Bella, so he didn't want to have to be put in that position. He had Bella hold her arms up, so he could slide the dress over her head and shoulders. It was a simple sundress. Nothing too elaborate or fancy about it.
"Darlin'..." He started, giving a low whistle. "I know you never much cared for the usual types of dresses that Alice was always puttin' you in, but this one takes the cake. You're absolutely breathtaking. Alice was true to her word, and put plain comfortable clothes in the bag. Loose pants and large shirts, and a variety of sundresses. Nothing with anything that would be uncomfortable or distracting to a newborn vampire. He wasn't sure she even heard him at first, because she had turned to look at herself in the mirror, and was turning this way and that, taking full stock of her new vampire physique.
"No, I agree." She said quietly, admiring her new reflection. "Have I always been this beautiful? Does transforming into a vampire change your looks this drastically for everyone? Or have I always been this beautiful, but only now I have the enhanced vampire sight to truly appreciate it?" It wasn't lost on Bella that she was preening in the mirror, the very same thing she used to make fun of Rosalie for when she was human. She understood now. It was hard not to notice yourself in reflections, when you're this unearthly being. Vampires were too pretty on purpose, smelled too good on purpose, to lure our prey in. She couldn't put her finger on any one thing that changed about herself, but it seemed like there was something different in every aspect of her body. Had her hair always been so full and bright with browns and reds? Her breasts certainty weren't this big before, that she would have remembered.
"You've always been exceptional." Jasper said, swallowing the venom that pooled in his mouth from admiring her admiring herself. When in reality the answer was, a little from column A, and a little from column B. Somewhat a chicken and the egg situation, though the ugly vampires Jasper had met were few and far between. He couldn't help being aroused at the entire situation. His mate was beautiful and they were discussion how attractive he was, you couldn't blame him for falling for that attraction and giving into it. 'Now is not the time.' Jasper told himself, as he tried to get a hold of his baser instincts. He wondered if it would always be like this, the hunger for his mate's body and closeness? Even now his fingers twitched with the need touch her, but he couldn't without touching all of her.
"...Um, Jasper? You're projecting right now and I'm already having a hard time controlling myself." He immediately tried to reign himself in, feeling embarrassed he lost control like that. Only for a moment though, he couldn't help the sheepish grin that spread across his face.
"Sorry." He tried real hard not to feel like a chastised teenager. She turned from the mirror then, her bright crimson eyes full of emotion.
"I do really dig the red eyes on me." She grinned and it went without saying that Alice chose a red dress for a reason.
"I fucking love the red eyes on you." Jasper would have taken her in his arms then, but Peter called to them from the front yard, hollerin' about company and getting out the fresh linens. 'So not hostile company.' Jasper thought, relieved. Bella seemed apprehensive. She hadn't met any vampires she hadn't known as a human. This was going to be a new experience for her, meeting a vampire as an equal.
"Nothing will happen to you, okay?" He tried to reassure her before they left the bathroom but she just rolled her eyes at him.
"Jasper, you have like ten thousand scars all over your body. No one is gonna look at me sideways with you next to me." And with that she carefully strolled out of the bathroom, avoiding all physical contact with Jasper, lest they get lost in one another again.