The blue light of alchemy was blinding. Roy kept his eyes on Ed as much as he could, wincing and squinting, holding onto his hands for dear life. A sudden gust of air whipped Ed's ponytail over his shoulder, his bangs in his eyes, but he gripped Roy's hands like his life depended on it. Maybe it did.

At first he felt nothing. It was as though the light was just for show, like he wasn't standing in the middle of an active transmutation circle with Ed. But then the pain hit.

It started off resembling the pull he'd felt whenever he and Ed got too far away from each other. It slowly but steadily got worse, until it was a stab in the chest, until he had to grit his teeth and squeeze his eyes shut. He heard Ed grunt.

It was as if something inside of him was fighting this, as if he was back in Central Park with Ed walking away and leaving Roy leaning against a tree struggling to breathe.

He was becoming light headed, black spots dancing in his vision. He held onto Ed's hands, feeling the slickness of sweat. He was breathing heavier than he had moments prior. Instinct had him pulling Ed closer, something deep inside him screaming for more proximity.

He wrapped his arms around Ed's back, and Ed clung to his shirt until his knuckles were white.

"It's almost over!" Alphonse's voice sounded far away, and completely irrelevant in his mind. He cared about nothing but Ed in his arms as the pain engulfed them, as the alchemy ripped their souls apart.

A sense of alarm overtook him, a desperation to somehow stop this that he had no control over. He tried to ignore it, to push it away, and his grip on Ed tightened.

He wasn't sure how long the transmutation lasted, but the pain left abruptly, only a lingering soreness left in its wake. The blue light faded, but it was a few seconds after that Roy managed to relax the death grip he had on Ed's torso.

Ed seemed to be in the same position, his fists in Roy's shirt easing just slightly as he got control over his breathing.

Ed pulled back just enough to look at Roy's face. His eyes scanned his face, almost alarmed, trying to find anything wrong. Roy was doing the same to him. "Are you okay?"

"I think so," he said, swallowing. He could see the sweat gleaming on Ed's brow, and he didn't think he looked much better. His vision still hadn't fully cleared, black spots dancing around Ed's handsome face.

"Are you guys okay?" Al asked.

Roy managed to tear his eyes away from Ed to look at him. With his hands on his hips, Alphonse was looking between him and Ed worriedly, a concerned frown on his face. "I believe we're all right, Alphonse."

Al's whole body sagged in relief. "Well, thank god! You had me a bit worried there, I didn't think it was going to hurt as bad as it looked like it did."

Ed was breathing a bit heavily still, and Roy resisted the urge to take him into his arms again. "It hurt like a fucking—" He paused, shutting his eyes as he swayed precariously.

Roy's instincts had been ready, grabbing onto him in a heartbeat. "Ed?"

Ed swallowed, waving a hand. "I'm fine."

"Brother!" Al came up to them, holding Ed's other side. He was frowning in alarm. "Tell me what's wrong. What are you feeling?"

Ed waved a hand again. "Al, it's fine. It just hurt like a bitch and I feel a bit faint. That's what it was meant to do, right? Make us feel like shit for a bit."

Al was still frowning. "Well, yeah, but it was meant to feel like a mild cold, not like…this, I guess."

Roy managed to give him a small, reassuring smile. "I'm sure it's only because the transmutation has just happened."

Al nodded, letting go of Ed once he seemed able to stand on his own again. "I'll go get you two some water, maybe sit down somewhere."

With that, he was out the door, almost running.

Sitting down was an excellent idea, so Roy led Ed to the wall, where they both sank to the floor, completely ungracefully. Ed rested his head on the wall and focused on his breathing, while Roy was trying to blink the dark spots out of his vision.

As the adrenaline slowly faded, he became aware of a peculiar emptiness in his chest, a weird hollow feeling taking over his body.

A type of numbness was normal after a high adrenaline experience. He wouldn't worry just yet.

"Are you okay?" he asked Ed. His fingers were itching to thread through Ed's. They were so close, almost touching. But Al would be back any minute now.

Ed hummed, his eyes still closed. "You?"

"I'm fine," Roy said, and realised he meant it, too. His vision had cleared, his breathing levelled out, and he felt calm—but that hollow feeling in his chest lingered.

The energy he'd felt thrumming through his veins after he and Ed had been soul bonded was gone, and in its place was…nothing. A gaping hole. Perhaps that was how it had been before, and the difference was what made it noticeable now.

Alphonse rushed back in the room holding two glasses of water. He crouched down in front of them, offering them each a glass. "Feeling any better?"

Roy looked at Ed, taking in his pale complexion, his clammy skin. He looked absolutely exhausted.

Ed grunted. "Bit better, I guess."

Roy downed his water like he hadn't had any in days. Ed sipped his, and that was when worry started gnawing at him.

The transmutation should've affected him and Ed equally, right? That was what he had assumed, and what had made the most sense to him. But it was becoming evident that it may not have been the case. Because, looking at Ed, Roy knew he felt nowhere near as bad as Ed looked.

Instinctively, he tried to reach deep inside to feel Ed's emotions, but found himself reaching into the gaping hole. And felt nothing.

Alarm flared inside him again, a split-second panicked feeling as though he'd lost something fundamental to him.

"Why does Edward feel worse than me?" he asked Alphonse, his voice accidentally a bit sharper than he'd intended.

Al was frowning again, looking between them. His eyes stayed on Ed, and his eyes grew almost sad. "The only thing I can think of is that your souls had already…started to merge…" he trailed off unsurely, glancing at Roy before his gaze went back to Ed. "So it would've required more energy to separate them."

Roy kept his face carefully blank. "Even if that were the case, that doesn't explain why Ed appears to have been affected more than me."

Al opened his mouth, as though about to say something, but then shut it and looked back at Ed, his eyes sad. He gently pushed his bangs out of his face, where strands clung to his sweaty forehead. "Um." He cleared his throat, standing. "I shall leave you two to…" he trailed off, and quickly said, "I'll go help Winry with dinner. I bet you're starving."

Roy frowned, fully aware Alphonse was dodging the conversation, but feeling too depleted to fight for it. "Thank you," he said instead, and watched Al leave the room.

The moment the door to the study was shut, Roy's whole body relaxed. He almost slumped against the wall as he grasped Ed's hand with both of his, placing it gently in his lap. "Ed."

"Hm?"

"On a scale of one to ten, how bad do you feel?"

Ed frowned, his head rolling against the wall to look at Roy. "That's a shit, ambiguous scale that will tell you nothing."

Roy smiled. "Glad to know you're already feeling a bit better."

Ed rolled his eyes, but even that simple action had the knot in Roy's stomach easing. "I feel fine. Just got really light headed for some reason."

Roy nodded. "So did I. Mine just faded before yours."

Ed sighed, and then his head was on Roy's shoulder. They were silent for several heartbeats, during which Roy could do nothing but focus on the gaping hole in his chest. He wanted to ask Ed if he felt it too, but was slightly afraid of the answer.

"Do you think our souls had actually started to merge?" he asked instead. He wasn't sure if that question was any better.

Ed didn't reply straight away, but Roy hadn't expected him to. When it came to alchemy, Ed thought before he spoke. "I…think that's what happened in your office. That day."

His voice was hesitant, almost apologetic. Roy blinked at the wall opposite them.

Holy shit. How had he not thought of that? When it came to breaking the bond, he'd assumed it would've been this big thing, almost as intense as the transmutation they'd undergone, if only internally. He hadn't thought that maybe the process would've been slower, that maybe their souls had been inching closer and closer.

But that would imply that maybe they would've had milder side effects as well. They hadn't explored any of that but…If he thought about it, the amount of time they'd spent apart at the ball, as well as the actual distance, had been more than they'd been able to handle at the start of the soul bond. So maybe Ed had been right all along, and they would've been able to have more distance the closer the souls were to a merge. Not that it mattered now.

And just like that he remembered the second time he'd felt that flare of heat up his wrist, when he'd thought he was hallucinating when he saw the golden thread pulsing.

"It happened again, a couple days later."

Ed shifted, looking up at him. "When?"

Considering when it had happened…he didn't blame Ed for not noticing.

He stared absently at the transmutation circle in the middle of the room as he said, "After the ball."

"…Oh."

There was something in his voice that had Roy turning to look at him. Ed was looking at him like he had never seen him before. "What?"

Ed shook his head as though to physically stop his thoughts. "Nothing."

Just then, Ed's stomach let out a loud growl, and he placed a hand over it, fisting his tank top.

Roy smirked. "Now you're definitely feeling better. Can't believe I even worried."

Ed shot him a teasing look. "Aw, you were worried about me?"

Roy narrowed his eyes at him. "Teasing me about worrying about you won't work."

"No?"

"No."

"Okay."

Roy stared at him, unimpressed. But Ed's gorgeous grin was back, and he happily leaned his head against Roy's shoulder once again.

Roy quietly rested his cheek on Ed's head, Ed's hand still between his.

He tried to savour the moment, to ignore the empty silence in his chest, but the lack of Ed's emotions though the bond made his stomach sink, just the slightest bit.

Food made Roy feel almost normal again. It gave him a small but much needed burst of energy, and for a moment it convinced him that everything was fine.

But he'd noticed, halfway through dinner, that Ed was quiet. Uncharacteristically quiet. And Roy no longer had a way to pry into his feelings, so all he could do was wonder.

Was he still feeling off? Was he just tired? Was he worrying about something related to the transmutation? Was he worrying about something not related to the transmutation? He had no idea, and right now, he couldn't even ask.

Thankfully, Alphonse was straight to the point. "How're you feeling, Brother?"

Ed let out a deep sigh and rubbed at his eyes. "I'm fine, Al. Really. Just tired."

Al was silent as he expertly studied every inch of Ed's face. He'd also been quieter than usual through dinner, but he seemed more lost in his thoughts than Ed. Ed just seemed tired. And maybe a bit sad.

Roy wondered what had changed between now and them sitting on the floor in the study.

Al's fork clattered onto the plate as he let go. "I think your souls had started to merge," he announced, a bit forcefully. His golden-green eyes looked between him and Ed with a disapproval he wasn't used to seeing on Alphonse's face. Was he mad at them?

Ed shrugged. "Maybe a bit, otherwise I wouldn't be this tired, right?"

Al stared at Ed, and Roy noticed he was slowly but surely getting madder. "And was there no indication that they may have started merging, Brother?"

Ed's gaze flicked up to Al, his eyebrows pulling down into a frown. "What's with the attitude? Everything worked out fine, didn't it?"

Al stood from his chair so fast Roy instinctively tensed. "I could've killed you!" he snapped, planting his hands firmly on the table. "Why didn't you tell me your souls had started to merge? Brother, if they had—"

"But they hadn't! That would've broken the bond anyway and we wouldn't have even needed the reversal array."

Al grunted in frustration and covered his face with his hands. "The more your souls had merged the more energy it would've required from you to separate them. I don't know what the threshold was between life and death, I'd assumed your souls hadn't started merging at all! It was so dangerous not to say anything, Brother!"

Ed scowled. "Well, wouldn't you be able to tell they'd started merging with your weird soul-sensing ability?"

Al glared. "That's not how that works. I can sense some things, but you can't expect me to detect even the smallest partial merges. You should've told me."

Roy's gaze went over to Winry, sitting opposite him and shaking her head at them. "I'm not even surprised, Ed. Truly. You just live for danger, don't you?"

Ed glared at her. "We're both fine."

There was something in his tone, a warning to not continue this conversation. Winry huffed and stood, taking her and Al's empty plate and promptly disappearing into the kitchen.

Al didn't seem the slightest bit perturbed by the warning. "Yes, thank god. But it could've ended so much worse, Brother, and I would've been responsible for it!"

Ed scowled, standing, and started heading for the stairs. "I'm too fucking tired for this right now."

"Fine," Al snapped and followed Winry into the kitchen.

Roy was left alone at the table.

Now that he wasn't soul bonded to Ed anymore he had options. He didn't have to follow Ed anymore.

He could stay here.

He could help Winry and Al with the dishes.

He could go take a walk, clear his head.

But the only option he cared about was following after Ed anyway.

Ed was in the bedroom he and Roy had shared the last time they were here. He was sitting on one of the beds, the balls of his hands pressing into his eyes.

Roy walked in and quietly shut the door behind him, but Ed heard it anyway. "Watch what you say or I swear to fucking god."

Roy sat next to him, clasping his hands between his legs. "I'm not here to say anything, I'm here to ask if you're all right."

Ed grunted. "Why do you all keep asking me that? I'm fine."

"You're unusually irritable, for one, and that's saying something. And you're being uncharacteristically quiet, and—"

"We just got our souls ripped apart, why are you expecting me to be happy about it?" Ed snapped, head whipping up to glare at him. Then he smiled wryly, and something about it made Roy frown. "Are you happy about it?"

Roy blinked, feeling a pang in the gaping hole in his chest. "I'm not sure how I'm feeling, to be honest."

Ed sighed, deflating. He shook his head. "I just…need some sleep, I guess."

He was suddenly extremely aware of the void in his chest, of the silence, of the lack energy thrumming through him, of the lack of…Ed. Something deep inside of him was mourning that loss. It felt a bit like grief. "Do you feel it too?" he asked, knowing it was vague but not having the words to explain what exactly he was feeling.

Ed looked at him again, and this time his eyes were more sad than angry. "I can't tell what you're feeling anymore."

"Me neither."

Ed gave a sad little laugh. "Guess we know it definitely worked, right?"

Roy nodded. "I didn't feel any pain when I was downstairs and you were up here."

That had been the furthest away they'd been without pain in months.

"Yeah," Ed whispered. He rubbed his wrist, where the golden thread used to be. It was no longer there.

Why were they feeling so down about it? Perhaps Alphonse's anger and worry made sense; surely he'd been expecting them to be jumping for joy at finally being separated, and the fact that they weren't rightly warranted some concern.

But they'd gotten used to each other, he realised. They'd gotten into this routine of coexisting, and they did it scarily well. Roy was glad he would no longer double over in pain if he and Ed weren't next to each other, but it also felt like a loss at the same time. It was peculiar, and he had no way of explaining it.

The only person who could understand was Ed. Because, even if they were no longer soul bonded, they now shared a different type of bond, born from a unique experience only they had gone through.

"It just feels weird," Ed said, his gaze still lowered. "Not having access to you like that anymore."

Roy opened his mouth, the words on the tip of his tongue—I feel the same way. But what would be the point of them wallowing? If he had to be the one to get them through this transition, he would.

"I'm sure we'll get used to being singular people again in no time," he said instead. Ed's frown deepened. "It's only been a few hours, give it some time."

Ed sighed, curling in on himself on the bed, and Roy thought he'd somehow made it worse. "Yeah, I guess."

They'd been given the same beds even though they didn't need them anymore. Perhaps Alphonse thought he'd be more comfortable in the privacy of this room, sleeping around Ed, than he would on the couch downstairs, and truthfully, he'd be right. Not that Roy would admit that.

Roy undid the buttons of his shirt, throwing it over the footboard alongside his uniform pants. Clad in his boxers, he got into bed, absently watching as Ed threaded his fingers through his hair.

Ed had mellowed out a bit after their talk, but he hadn't been in the mood for any more conversation. Instead, he and Roy had sat on the grass just outside the Rockbell house until Roy was positive Ed would end up sleeping on the grass if Roy didn't drag him upstairs to a bed.

Ed sighed, and promptly flopped down right next to Roy, cuddling into him immediately.

Roy's gaze went to the closed door before he'd even had a single thought. Of course he wanted to sleep next to Ed, but what if Alphonse walked in? He wasn't sure this family had any sort of boundaries like that.

"Ed, are you sure that's a good idea?"

Ed blinked up at him, his cheek smushed on his chest. "What do you mean?"

Roy pursed his lips. "What if your brother comes in?"

"He won't."

He stared into Ed's eyes, wondering what he was feeling. "But what if he does? We can't risk it. He can't see us like…this."

Ed's face was blank. "You can lock the door with alchemy."

"He can unlock it just as easily."

"Yeah but it saves him barging in—which he won't. But peace of mind, I guess."

"But why would we need the door locked in the first place? That would look suspicious."

Ed turned onto his back, rubbing his face with both hands in both exhaustion and exasperation.

"He can't know, Ed," Roy said apologetically. He knew it was probably not an ideal situation for Ed not to be able to tell Al about them, but…"No one can know, you know that."

Ed was silent, staring at the ceiling with an uncharacteristically blank face. After a second, he threw the covers over himself. "Fine." He got out of the bed and plopped down on the one opposite, his back to Roy.

Roy promptly felt like an asshole.

He stared at the ceiling for a few seconds, the guilt eating him up from the inside. The bed was cold without Ed.

"Ed."

No response.

Roy sighed, throwing the covers off himself and walking the two short steps to Ed's bed. He crawled into bed next to him, spooning him from behind.

Fuck it, honestly. Because the one thing he hated more than the possibility of people judging him was Ed being upset.

He placed a gentle kiss on his shoulder. "Sorry."

"Al won't come in," Ed mumbled petulantly.

"I know."

"And Winry won't come in either."

"I know."

"And definitely not Granny."

Roy sighed. "I know."

"It's not like we're fucking."

"We're definitely not doing that."

Ed snorted quietly. "I know that. I swear I can hear Granny snoring from every room in this house. Walls are paper thin and we're not exactly quiet."

Roy hummed. "Yes, you can be rather loud."

"Me? I was talking about you."

Roy felt the heat searing up his neck. "I'm—"

"Sleeping's quiet," Ed interrupted. "No one would know if we just sleep next to each other."

Roy tightened his hold on Ed apologetically. "I know, I just have to prepare for every situation."

"You overthink," Ed deadpanned. Then, he mumbled, "It's just Al anyway."

"No one can know, Ed."

Ed was quiet after that, and Roy was left wondering what he was feeling.