Chapter 3 – Realizations

Author's Note: In which the trio argue, the battle continues, and we get a look into Ahsoka's perspective. :) And out of curiosity's sake, what does everyone think will happen to Ahsoka?

To the guest who reviewed chapter 1: Anakin is definitely going to be seeing things he never noticed before, now that he has so much more experience and is reliving life. I won't give spoilers, but I will say that his friends/family are going to eventually figure out something is majorly wrong and try to help. I'm glad you like it! =D

To the guest who reviewed chapter 2: I'm glad! :D I'll be updating once a month, until I get farther along. :)

~ Rivana Rita

Anakin struggles to gather himself together, focusing on Obi-Wan's calming presence and stands up, grateful he doesn't feel as shaky as he did earlier. Minutes later, he arrives where Obi-Wan and Ahsoka have gotten the mission through to Coruscant. Good. Anakin isn't sure what he'd have done if he had to see Yoda again right now. "What's the status?" he calls, attempting to ignore the sudden pain at feeling Ahsoka again. Later. He doesn't have time to deal with it right now. Not in front of anyone.

"We got the message through to the Council," Obi-Wan replies, "But the transmission was jammed. We'll have to hold out a little longer."

"We'll manage," Anakin insists. They have to. They did last time, and he's much more skilled now. He actually knows what he's doing, and he's learned – only to a point, but still – how to control his powers.

"My apologies, young one," the Jedi Master states, turning towards Ahsoka. "It's time for a proper introduction."

"I'm the new Padawan learner. I'm Ahsoka Tano." She doesn't even sound much like the one he remembers. She's so much younger, so untamed and immature, so unaffected by the war. Whether she's with him or not, he won't let that innocence fade so quickly this time.

"I'm Obi-Wan Kenobi, your new master."

"I'm at your service, Master Kenobi," she replies, then points to Anakin, "But I'm afraid I've actually been assigned to Master Skywalker."

He knew this was coming. How can he turn her down, even if it is for her own good? He can't imagine a life without her, but it doesn't matter, because this isn't... it's not her, but she's still a child and looking at him with expectation, hoping for acceptance. "I – I can't," he manages finally. "I'm not ready to take a padawan." Not now, probably not ever. He won't ever fail anyone else like he failed her. After all the time that they spent together, that he spent teaching her... she left. He looks desperately to Obi-Wan, searching for some sort of reassurance. He can't do this.

"You'd make a good teacher, Anakin," Obi-Wan says instead.

Images of Ahsoka being captured by the Trandoshan hunters and the Zygerrians and Hondo flash through his mind. Images of her being chased by the clones and thrown out and when she walked away and – "I can't," he insists desperately. Don't do this. Please, don't make me do this!

"Anakin." He can't tell of Obi-Wan is annoyed or concerned right now. "Just teach her everything I taught you and she'll turn out fine."

As usual. He never listens. Anakin tried before, and he failed her. He won't do it again. He can't send her off – who else could take care of her, if not him? – but he can't train her, either. Desperations slowly morphs into anger. No one listened to him before either. No one trusted him. No one believed him when said Ahsoka was innocent. "Why can't you?" he snaps back. "It was you who was supposed to get a padawan."

"No," Ahsoka interjects, and he really, really wants to scream right now. "Master Yoda was very specific. I'm assigned to Anakin Skywalker, and he is to supervise my Jedi training." She sounds so smug. Too smug. Completely obvious to his fear and desperation to not be the cause of her pain again. To actually see her grow to her fullest. But he can't trust anyone else to take care of her either. He needs someone now. Someone to tell him what to choose. But he's alone. Always alone.

"We'll have to sort this out later," Obi-Wan decides. "It won't be long before those droids figure out a way around our cannons."

"Right." They can worry about Ahsoka later, but Anakin hates how the very feel of her presence has him torn between screaming, crying, or tackling her in a hug, because she's here, but it isn't her, and hurts to keep reminding himself that. "I'll check on Rex at the lookout post." He starts heading off, desperately hoping for another moment of quiet.

"You better take her with you," Obi-Wan replies, nudging Ahsoka forwards.

It feels so wrong yet so right at the same time, having her by his side once more. For a moment, he almost lets himself forget everything that happened, imagining things were the way they were a year ago, when he still had a family. He arrives at the building not long later, snapping back to himself when he glances sideways at Ahsoka, remembering she shouldn't be this short. Or dressed like this. It's so easy to pretend sometimes, but what good does it do, when it's not real?

She's staring up at him with interest, something almost like awe. He sharply looks away, unable to help himself. He misses his sister, but she's gone, and she chose to leave him, even after everything he did for her. He feels a pang of guilt when he senses her frustration, but he can't help it. There's nothing like looking at the ghost of someone he used to know, so he does his best to avoid her gaze. "What's the status, Rex?" Anakin inquires striding inside.

"Quiet for now, sir," the clone replies. "They're gearing up for another assault."

"As I expected," he muses, eyeing the scenery outside. Any moment now, the droids should begin their approach.

"Who's the youngling?" Rex inquires, and Ahsoka is much too happy to step forwards and introduce herself.

"I'm Master Skywalker's Padawan. The name's Ahsoka Tano."

"Sir, I thought you said you'd never have a Padawan?" Rex asks in confusion.

He wishes he could have said it truthfully, too. He never should have been foolish enough to take her. Obi-Wan would've – could've taken care of her, unlike him. It was stupid of him to think himself capable. "I won't," he insists, though it hurts to say it. Ahsoka will never be his. She can never be, for as much as he loves her. She shouldn't be out here anyway. She's too young to face the seriousness of war, as he had tried so hard to tell Obi-Wan at first. If he can do something fast enough, end the war however he has to, maybe someone as reckless and wild as her will survive under the care of someone else. He can't take her, but he can't let her die, either. "She's not my padawan."

"Yes, I am!" she retorts. "You're stuck with me, Skyguy."

Oh, great. Now he hurt her feelings. Again. Why do things have to be so hard? Why can't he explain? He remembers this conversation last time, when he'd been upset at how disrespectful she was being. His whole life at the Temple, everyone has either completely worshiped him as some sort of hero, which he definitely is not, or despised him, and he lashed out at her automatically. But by now, he's so used to the nickname, even if it makes part of him ache in a strange way, because it doesn't feel like she should get to call him that. Not anymore, not after she walked away. "Don't get snippy with me, little one," he grumbles. "You know, you might be old enough to be a padawan, but you're certainly not ready to be out here."

"Well maybe I'm not," she sasses back, "But Master Yoda thinks I am."

Yeah, he wants to snap back. The same Jedi Master who let you get thrown out of the Order. "Well, he's not here now," Anakin retaliates. Thank the Force for that. He couldn't stand it. "You're a child, not a warrior."

She looks surprisingly subdued, and Anakin suddenly finds himself wondering if he's taking the completely wrong approach. Not that it would be a surprise. There's a reason he can't train her. He'll do everything wrong, again.

"Rex?" he asks, turning to the clone who looks decidedly amused. "You might want to... show her around." That's not why they first talked originally, but even if Ahsoka isn't his padawan, he knows her and Rex had formed a friendship as close as the one Anakin and Rex shared, and it's not something he has any intention of breaking, even if she won't be the commander of the 501st. (It sounds so wrong for her to be anything else.)

"Right." Rex comes forwards, passing the two of them. "Come on, youngling."

"Padawan," she sighs frustratedly and follows him out of the room. Watching them fills him with a faint sense of nostalgia, knowing that, even if they get to know each other, how is he supposed to tell Ahsoka with finality that he won't be her master? It's going to hurt. He remembers how desperate she was the first time, and to deny it... no. This isn't about himself, it's about her. If he hadn't gone and messed everything up, she would have become a great Jedi. The best even. Second best, maybe. No one can compare with Obi-Wan.

Anakin turns back to the windows, hastily blinking away his tears before they fall. He doesn't have time for emotional breakdowns right now. The clones are everywhere. He can't let them see him weak.

**w**

"Have you thought about moving that line back, Captain?" Ahsoka inquires as she and Rex walk past the cannons. "They'd have better cover that way." Why would they leave their most useful weapons sitting right out in the middle of nowhere?

"Thanks for the suggestion, but General Skywalker thinks they're fine where they are," the captain replies.

"So, if you're a captain, and I'm a Jedi, then technically, I outrank you, right?" she asks with a slight smirk.

"In my book, experience outranks everything," the clone insists.

That reminds her of what Master Skywalker had told her earlier, about her not belonging on the fronts yet. Somehow, she has to show him that she is ready. That she can handle herself just fine, so he won't refuse to take her like everyone else has. Master Kenobi warned her that he might not be very receptive, but he's the Chosen One, he's good, and he won't refuse her if she meets his expectations, right? "Well, if experience outranks everything, I guess I better start getting some."

The Force prickles at her suddenly, snapping her attention away from the clone to something red in the distance. "What's that?"

"Not good. They've got an energy shield. That's gonna make things near impossible. If you wanted experience, little one, it looks like you're about to get plenty."

Not long later, they've assembled around the holomap of the city. Ahsoka hovers in the background while the others discuss a plan for attack. "The shield generator is somewhere in this area," Master Kenobi states, indicating one section of the map that flashes red. "They're slowly increasing the diameter and keeping it just ahead of their troops."

"Heavy cannons are gonna be useless against that," the clone warns. Ahsoka moves around to his other side as he talks, trying to find the best place to squeeze herself in. She doesn't think Master Skywalker will be appreciative of her going to stand beside him where she probably belongs right now. He hasn't really been looking at her at all, and it's driving her crazy. It's like he doesn't even want her here.

"As they get closer, I suppose we could try to draw them into the buildings," the Jedi Master suggests. Ahsoka rounds him to stand at the corner of the table between him and Master Skywalker, then concludes the area is way too small and makes her way the rest of the way around. "That might level the playing field a bit."

"You'll need to pull back the cannons as they approach. Guard them at all costs," her master – if he will be her master – speaks up finally, studying the map.

Ahsoka doesn't get why they're making such a big deal about all this. "If that shield's gonna be such a problem, why don't we just take it out?"

"Easier said than done," the captain warns.

"I agree," Master Skywalker speaks up suddenly. "I can get to that shield generator and destroy it. That's the key."

Her heart soars. First part of the mission accomplished, she actually got him to listen to her. It's not much, but she'll count it as a score.

"Right, then," the Jedi Master agrees. "Maybe you two can... tiptoe through the enemy lines and solve this particular problem together."

This is what they agreed on, for him to do everything possible to get them to work together. "Can do, Master Kenobi," she agrees eagerly before he can object. Now is her chance to prove herself.

"Do try not to get yourself killed in my absence," Master Skywalker smirks.

"I can say the same to you. If Rex and I can engage them here, you two might have the chance to get through their lines undetected here." The Knight hardly seems to be looking at the maps, but Ahsoka is making mental notes of the places the Jedi Master is indicating. It'll be essential in the coming mission. "You won't have much time."

"The droids far outnumber us, so our ability to street fight is limited without the use of heavy cannons," the captain adds. "They will march forwards under the protection of their shield until they are right on top of our cannons, then they'll blow them away."

It's serious. That's why Master Skywalker was being so insistent she can't come along. He doesn't think her capable because she's young. No, he more than anyone should know she can do it. He's the Chosen One. This is her first chance, and she's not going to mess it up. Good thing the mission isn't difficult. "We'll figure out a way," she insists, because how could he not? He always figures out a way. "Come on, Master, let's go!" She turns around and starts heading off.

"Sometimes, I really wonder how you two can get me to do these things," he mutters, but she hears his footsteps following.

**w**

"So, what's the plan?" Ahsoka asks from behind him as Anakin scans the approaching droids with a pair of macrobinoculars.

"I thought you were the one with the plan, Snips," he replies. In reality, he already knows what they're going to do – even if being stuck in such a small, cramped place with her again will be hard – but he had to figure out the exact way to get through the lines. Yes, he remembers more than he thought he did, but not the droid's positions.

"No, I'm the one with enthusiasm! You're the one with the experience, which I'm looking forwards to learning from." Oh, she has no idea. He has far more experience than any of the Jedi do or ever will; he'll make sure of it. The war will end, and Dooku and Grievous will die early, no matter what it takes. Or be stopped. He'll try to plan more later, once he gets into hyperspace, probably for Tatooine. Now... those droids. He needs to figure out where to be positioned when they cross the lines, and with Ahsoka babbling non-stop in the background, it's difficult. Not that he'd ever say so.

She's so talkative. So cocky. So reckless. So... frankly, annoying. It's not surprising no one wanted her. And he's about to reject her, too, because what else can he do? He tries to shake the nagging guilt off, attempting to focus, but in reality, he has no idea what to do. Everyone rejected her, just like they rejected him, and he doesn't think he can cause anyone that kind of pain.

"It's not that simple. We need to cross their lines. Get behind the shield first..."

"Why don't we just go around? Outflank them?"

"That'd take too long." He lowers his macrobinoculars, rapidly working through the scenario again.

"Sneak through the middle, then?"

"That's exactly what we're going to do. Come on, Snips. Let's get going."

**w**

"This is a stupid plan!" wails Ahsoka. "We should fight these guys instead of just sneaking around."

Calming her down seems almost impossible, but he tries anyway, all the while trying not to think about the older Ahsoka he knew. But the more time he spends around her, the more he wishes he didn't have to refuse her. He feels horrible about even wanting to, but what choice does he have? Isn't it better to do it now than later? And what's worse is that he wants her, he wants them to rebuild their bond as he knew it, but it can never be the same, and he can't bear to fail her again.

Just when everything seems like it'll go smoothly, Ahsoka starts whining that she has to stand up.

"Just a little farther, Ahsoka," he cautions. "You never know what you might run into."

"I have to stand up!" she insists, and promptly grabs her edge and jumps up. He stands up with her only to avoid their cover being flipped over. That would draw even more unnecessary attention. He can sense that destroyer droid right in front of them but sauntering past and pretending it won't notice the Jedi clothes sticking out from beneath the droid-shaped crate is definitely going to get them killed.

"Move over," he warns. If they get close enough without being spotted, he can make quick work if it without drawing attention.

"What?" she exclaims.

"We have to – oh, forget it," he groans. There's no time for this. He ducks out from beneath the crate, ignoring Ahsoka startled shriek as it crashes down on her again. He ignites his lightsaber and slashes through the destroyer before it can finish turning around.

"What was that all about?" the Togruta grumbles, lifting her edge and climbing out. She looks very grumpy.

"How about the fact that you were walking us blindly head-first into a destroyer droid?" he shoots back, feeling almost guilty as a flicker of hurt flashes through her expression. "Come on. We've got a shield generator to blow up. It's right ahead." Anakin continues forwards, stopping at the edge of where he knows the sensors are covering the ground. That Ahsoka tripped over last time. "Stay close. We've gotta be careful."

"Come on!" she exclaims, ducking beneath the structure blocking their path and running towards the shield.

"Wait!" Anakin yells concern spiking as he ducks beneath and starts after. "Wait!"

"Why?" she calls back, continuing to run. "We're almost there. It's right –"

"Ahsoka, look out!" he shouts, a moment too late. Her foot catches over the edge of the sensor and she topples clumsily to the ground. Something rumbles, and the pavement she's on rips free, at least a dozen droids rising up from the ground. Ahsoka is thrown a distance off with a startled cry. "Forget the droids!" Anakin shouts. "Set the charges and get the generator destroyed! Hurry!" He runs forwards, easily sidestepping the sensors and cutting through the first three droids before they even see him.

Ahsoka whips out her lightsaber, anyway, cutting through the droid nearest to her and sending it rolling away with a Force-shove. It rolls across more sensors, and many more droids rise out of the ground. "Sorry!" she yelps.

"Just get to the generator. Run!" he shouts. As he makes quick work of the others, all thoughts of the circumstances fade, and he finds himself completely thrown into battle again. He's so accustomed to it by now, being completely surrounded and heavily outnumbered. He backs away from the droids, knowing he's backing up towards that wall again. He has to distract them from Ahsoka as she runs for the generator and scrambles up it. She needs time, and if he can't keep all the droids focused on him, they're going to turn to her. They have to get the generator down. He knows this could easily be suicide, but he won't risk her. If the droids are focused on him, they won't hurt her. If they fail, Obi-Wan, Rex, and the 501st will die.

Even if it means getting himself killed in the process. He did it once before. What's another time?

Except he's backed all the way into the wall now. "Ready!" Ahsoka shouts from atop the generator.

"Then what are you waiting for?" he shouts back. Getting that generator down is more important than anything.

"Hold on, Skyguy, I'm coming!" Ahsoka calls.

"Just set those off!" Anakin yells, though he's slowly being overwhelmed by the sheer number. And he knows it, but he won't let it distract from the most important part. Somehow, he has to get them both out alive, and all things considered, it's not as bad as it could be. It's Ahsoka he's worried about – she hasn't ever fought a battle before. And himself... the Force will protect him.

She hits the button on her wrist, and the generator goes up in a shower of sparks and debris. Smoke instantly fills the air, and he coughs against it. Great. Now he can't breathe, not until this dissipates. He deflects another blaster shot from the droids, immediately sending out a Force-shove all around. He's done it before. He did it once on Naboo when Dooku's droids surrounded and nearly overwhelmed him. These aren't easy to move, but they still skid back. Thrown off balance. He doesn't take a moment to spare. He jumps onto one of them and flips backwards over the wall, throwing it down on them.

The sound of the dozens of droids being destroyed at once makes his ears ring, but he raises his head again, spotting the green flash of Ahsoka's lightsaber out of the smoke, struggling to take down the remaining droids. He can feel it in the Force, too, and throws himself forwards.

In only a matter of seconds, all the droids are lying strewn at their feet. No matter how many times this happens, it never gets easier to know he's the cause of the destruction surrounding him, but the battle left him feeling oddly numb as it always does. At least it took less time than normal, and he can only hope Obi-Wan is having the same luck he and Ahsoka did.