Chapter 8 – Admissions

Author's Note: In which Ahsoka becomes a Padawan officially, Anakin talks to Obi-Wan and Padme, and runs into someone he doesn't want to see.

~ Amina Gila

Obi-Wan can't remember the last time he'd seen Anakin sleeping so restlessly. He never usually paid attention, either, but he won't stop rolling over. He's probably dreaming again, but Obi-Wan doesn't really want to wake him up.

He wants to ask for more about this... dream, if that's really exactly what it was, but Anakin didn't want to talk about it, so Obi-Wan will give him some space. That doesn't mean he's not curious to know what could have left him so shaken up. Obi-Wan contemplates leaving again – he needs to see if he can't get a bit of something out of Ventress who has been temporarily secured, after all – but he can feel something is very wrong with Anakin right now. He's off-balance. He may not be Anakin's master anymore, he may not be obliged to care for him the way he used to, but there will always be the part of him that does.

After a moment of contemplation, Obi-Wan settles down to meditate. Echoes from the disturbance he'd felt earlier are lingering. He felt it earlier, back on Christophsis. Something about Anakin's presence is... different, somehow. He's... changed. Hardened. Darkened. A whirlwind of emotions are swirling around him, the most prominent being pain and grief and a crushing guilt. He shouldn't have had to go to Tatooine, but nothing can be done about it now. It's hardly been any time since – since his mother died. He told Obi-Wan shortly after it happened. Yoda, apparently, already knew.

He feels a pang of regret now. He knew all about Anakin's visions, but he chose to do nothing about them – not that there was much he could have done – and Shmi died because of it. Anakin never talked about it beyond telling him it happened. Obi-Wan never thought to bring it up again, but now he wonders if he should. Anakin was obviously very upset about the mission.

Obi-Wan sends a calming wave of the Force through their bond, and Anakin finally stills a little, unconsciously reaching back and clinging to his presence.

Obi-Wan slips out of his cabin not long later, fully intent on going to have a talk with Ventress. He doubts he'll be successful, but at least he needs to assure she doesn't get any ideas about escaping. He's just left Anakin's room when he spots Ahsoka talking to a nearby clone – one of the 501st that survived Teth. It seems that, at the very least, she's made friends out of the ordeal. She seems to make friends fast. That's one trait Anakin unfortunately doesn't share with her. The moment Ahsoka spots Obi-Wan, she turns to face him, looking rather gloomy. "Now what?" she asks quietly. He immediately knows she's talking about herself. Anakin had said he hadn't explained the situation to her yet.

"I spoke to Anakin," he explains. "He doesn't believe himself capable of training a Padawan alone yet, and suggested we take you together."

Ahsoka's eyes widen, her shock pouring into the Force. "Wait, really?"

Obi-Wan gives her a soft smile. This is so different from when he took Anakin as a Padawan. He hadn't chosen it, but in a way, he had chosen Ahsoka. She was supposed to be Anakin's Padawan, and even if that didn't happen in the end, he... did know there was a possibility of him taking her instead. He knew the time would come where he chose a Padawan of his own, but he never expected it to be so soon. Not during the war. He doesn't really have the time, and Ahsoka is too reckless and wild for his liking, but Anakin has primary custody of her, anyway. "Ahsoka, I am asking you to become our joint Padawan. Do you accept?"

Her Force signature swirls with a multitude of emotions – hope, gratitude, surprise, excitement, and a great deal of nervousness, but she nods anyway. "I accept. I'm honored to be your Padawan, Master Kenobi."

**w**

Obi-Wan is gone when Anakin jolts awake from yet another nightmare of the clones chasing Ahsoka. Why does it feel as though he's still chasing her, knowing that he'll never, ever catch up? Trying to shake those dark thoughts from mind, Anakin uses the Force to pick up his datapad from the other side of the room and sits up. He doesn't have any machines in here right now and he doesn't want to leave his room, so instead, he'll focus on some other important matters.

He has to find the best, fastest way to end the war. Everything he does could irreparably alter the knowledge he has of the future, and he must be cautious. After all, what's better than knowing your enemies' strategies and plans before they happen? He needs to get down everything he knows, if worst comes to worst. He doubts it'll be necessary, but knowing his luck, it might. It's not as though he can't die. That he can take care of in more detail later. It's attempting to refresh his memory on the early battles that he needs to do now. Mainly, where the top Separatists were in certain battles.

The next major battle that is engrained in his mind forever is the Malevolence. Grievous was there; Obi-Wan fought him. And the listening post, Grievous was there, too. Anakin vows not to risk losing Artoo like that again. The droid was a friend, and he was Padme's gift. That entire scenario is not something he wanted to remember at the time, especially given Obi-Wan's reaction, but now he wishes he remembered it better.

They've captured Ventress already, and a mildly worried part of Anakin wonders if that was the best choice. After all, it's... a very, very major divergence, and events may play out quite differently as a result.

And Dooku he shouldn't see again until... He lets out an audible groan. Hondo. No, thanks. Anakin never, ever wants to see that pirate again. He definitely doesn't want to get stuck so close to the Sith like that, but if he doesn't drink... Well, Obi-Wan would probably try to make him, but he'll politely decline that order.

He doesn't want to allow the war to drag on more than a few months, if even. If it were up to him, he'd go end it now, but he can't. Now that he thinks about it, it may not be a bad idea for him to make sure Ahsoka is with Obi-Wan while they are searching for the Malevolence so after destroying the cannons Anakin can go right on the ship – even if he goes alone – and destroy it with Grievous aboard.

If they do have to deal with that listening post, they'll have Artoo, and Anakin will be the one leading the mission, though he'd rather not get in a one-on-one battle with the cyborg unless there's no other option. If they get Dooku from Hondo, the Council will deal with him.

And then there's the other Sith Dooku was talking about, who Anakin still isn't certain exists. That's something he'll have to search into more. Other than Dooku's word, they have no proof whatsoever of his existence.

It all seems so easy, though Anakin knows it'll take time and much more planning than he can do right now. He'll have to improvise, and the hardest part is that he'll have to do it alone. He can't have anyone help him, and he has no intention of letting anyone know that he... time travelled. He can keep a secret, too, thank you very much, Obi-Wan. He can't help sending the Jedi Master a mental glare as he returns to his datapad, scribbling down the most important points of the war. Even now, he doubts anything will allow him to trust Obi-Wan again. He did before, and it didn't matter. It never did.

**w**

"How are you feeling?" Obi-Wan asks, standing just inside the doorway. After the cruiser exited hyperspace, he'd come to wake up Anakin so they could go down to the surface.

"Better," he answers slowly, almost hesitantly, as if he's unsure. He was half out of it when Obi-Wan arrived, though it's unlikely he was sleeping most of the time. He stands up hurriedly, all hints of tiredness completely disappearing. "I'm assuming you're here since we came out of hyperspace." When he nods in confirmation, Anakin heads for the door without a word.

After a moment of contemplation – Anakin will never talk to him around anyone else – Obi-Wan steps forwards and sets a hand on his shoulder before he can leave the room. "I told you before, but I am sorry about what happened to your mother, Anakin."

He goes completely still, confusion flickering through his gaze. "I –" He seems at a completely lack of anything to say. "Of course," he supplies finally, which is absolutely not the response Obi-Wan was looking for, but he's not really sure what he expected.

"I didn't realize your dreams were... visions." No Jedi has ever had a vision like that. Half-nightmares which partly come true, yes. All the time. Even Obi-Wan has those – though rarely, and they stopped when he was young. The last time he's had one was probably shortly after his own master's death. Dreams that are entirely visions like Anakin apparently has? Never.

"I know." He looks away, refusing to meet Obi-Wan's gaze. It's something he does when he's feeling vulnerable, like right now. "It wasn't your fault. There was nothing you could have done."

Something about that seems off, though he can't place it. "Maybe if I had tried to speak with the Council –"

Anakin cuts him off, turning towards him. "They wouldn't have let you come. It was me who should've come back sooner." There's a distinct undertone of pain and anger in his voice, but he's being uncharacteristically accepting. It's strange to see him so calm.

"I explained the situation to Ahsoka," he informs him as an afterthought.

A ghost of a smile crosses his face, though there's something distinctly pained in his eyes. "That's good. Did she agree?"

"She did." It's strange to think of himself raising a child with Anakin, but he has no doubts it'll work out fine. "The battle was tiring. She was resting, the last I saw."

"Good. She needs it." Obi-Wan would have assumed the conversation would end there, but when he starts turning for the door, his former padawan starts speaking again. "I – I'm sorry about how I reacted earlier," Anakin says quietly, looking down again. "I wasn't thinking. I know how much we need the Outer Rim trade routes."

"Yes," Obi-Wan agrees dryly. It's something he would've thought Anakin learned years ago, but he still has problems with his past. "You were out of line."

Anakin slips past him and disappears down the hall without another word.

It's not until he looks back time later that Obi-Wan realizes exactly what felt so strange about the encounter. The way Anakin was talking... it was like he's already accepted it. Obi-Wan couldn't calmly talk about what happened to Qui-Gon like that for well over a year. Anakin couldn't have accepted his mother's death in a matter of months. It's impossible. Something is out of place here. He wonders, again, if it has something to do with those visions, but nothing he saw could have changed that. Something else is going on, and he intends to find out what, though it'll be hard without outright asking.

**w**

After arriving on Coruscant, Anakin and Ahsoka head to the healers for mandatory check-ups. Anakin is more or less unscathed, but Ahsoka was pretty beat up from her fall down a cliff. And Obi-Wan decides to come because Ahsoka is technically his Padawan now, as hard as it'll be for Anakin to remember that. Anakin going to be more in charge of her training, for which he is grateful, because he'd never want to hand her off to Obi-Wan entirely.

He's been on edge since the moment he set foot in the Temple again, but thankfully no one mentioned it. He can't help it. After what happened to Ahsoka, he can't consider it home anymore.

Everything seemed like it was going fine, until a certain Mirialan Jedi crosses paths with them in the hall as they're leaving. She doesn't see them immediately, but Anakin jolts to a stop the moment he sees her. It takes all his will power and self-restraint to hold himself back from strangling her. This wasn't the person who framed Ahsoka and turned to the Dark Side. But still, his mind is screaming at the pure wrongness of her being on the loose after what happened. His fists clench and the gears in his mechanical hand squeal in protest, but he ignores them. If anything, it makes him even more upset.

Could be, not was, he reminds himself.

It's only Obi-Wan's hand on his arm that keeps him grounded, a sharp reminder not to do anything foolish. But for as many times as it works, it doesn't feel like it will right now, even as he struggles to remind himself that Obi-Wan would be upset at him and that's the last thing in the world he wants right now. He knows he couldn't handle it, but that does nothing to quell the furious screaming in his mind.

He shouldn't blame her for something she hasn't done, but it was so real to him – but only to him. His mind still hasn't fully accepted and understood that he time-travelled along with all the implications that come with it, including being forced to face people who hurt him without reacting at all. Including the Council.

Barriss seems to brighten when she sees him. She has no idea how hard it is for him to see her, but he doubts she'd care even if she did know. "Hello, Anakin."

He nods in greeting, not really trusting himself to talk. He hadn't had the time to mentally prepare himself for this.

"And who's this?"

"She's my Padawan." The answer is automatic, and he remembers only a second to late that it's actually more complicated than that. And this is so different from how Ahsoka met Barriss last time, it's jarring to think that it already changed. Somehow.

"She's our padawan," Obi-Wan amends.

Right.

"I'm Barriss Offee, at your service," she introduces, stepping over for Ahsoka and bows respectfully. It's too bad that didn't stay.

"Ahsoka Tano."

The Mirialan looks back at Anakin. "You are young to take a Padawan."

He shrugs. He trained someone already. And failed. "Hardly any younger than my own master."

"Six years is a long time," Obi-Wan points out.

Four years. Two of which were filled with war. He barely withholds the response, and Anakin finds himself idly wondering how long it's going to be before he accidently slips up and reveals something. "We should go." He starts walking again, trying his best not to look at Barriss without being obvious about it. "I need to get Ahsoka settled in, still."

"Of course. I wouldn't want to hold you up."

"What's wrong?" Ahsoka asks as they round the corner, eyeing him.

His shields must have been slipping. She never should have noticed that, but it's not like he had time to prepare, either, and it doesn't help that he's exhausted from earlier. The mission to Tatooine was very, very draining and he hasn't had time to recover. It irks him that he's even having this problem. A good Jedi wouldn't have reacted like he did. "Let's just say we didn't hit off well," Anakin replies curtly, stalking towards the lift.

Ahsoka turns her confused gaze to Obi-Wan. Great. Now she's probably wondering what's wrong with him. He just lost control in front of her. See? That's why he can't properly train her. Because he can't control himself. Why does it have to be so hard?

"I don't know what's wrong. Just don't push him," the Jedi Master advises.

Anakin sends a mental 'thank you' through their bond. He really misses this younger, lighter version of Obi-Wan.

He's going to betray you, you know, a dark voice in the back of his head whispers.

Shut up, he tells it, shoving those thoughts behind a durasteel wall in his mind to be sorted out later. He needs to focus on Ahsoka. Everything else can wait.

It's incredibly jarring when he and Ahsoka step into his apartment. For Anakin, it's the thousandth time, but this is Ahsoka's first. And it feels so... empty. The walls that had been so soaked with her presence he couldn't sleep from missing her so much are completely bare. They feel of him, but only a little. He's hardly had time or reason to be here. Why did he never consider how unsettling it would be to come back... home? This isn't home. It feels wrong. Now that he thinks about it, there's not a single place in the galaxy that he can rightfully call home and familiar anymore. He went through all that with Ahsoka, with everyone, and now none of it matters.

Focus.

He needs to talk to Padme. And after that, he really badly has a recording to get to making. Artoo is the only one he can tell, after all. Right now. He'll have to think it through more for anyone else. He might tell Padme what happened. Maybe. For now, he'll stay quiet and tread carefully. He'd much rather not immediately explain to anyone what happened until he gets it entirely sorted out himself, and nor is he still entire certain this isn't a dream.

Obi-Wan? Maybe, maybe not. Probably eventually, but not right now. Some betrayals run too deep to talk about, and he – he can't bring himself to tell the person who hurt him most any details about what happened.

Ahsoka? Most certainly not. She's fourteen and has her own problems to deal with. That would be stupid and irresponsible.

Rex. Of everyone, he's the most likely to notice, but confiding with him would be... strange. They're equals, they're brothers-in-arms, they're not... friends. Not really. Not yet.

And he certainly won't be getting into any of this with Palpatine until he's convinced himself he's not half insane, first. So, yeah. Artoo is his new best friend. Well, he always was, but the droid is the only one he can talk to and try to sort this out.

"I have to sort this out on my own –"

Shut up. Not going there now.

First order of business? Go talk to Padme.

Anakin is mildly surprised he manages to make it through the rest of the day. Between scrambling to reread through all information about the war so far – it really irks him that he can't remember exactly all of the details of the various important battles at this point; it would spare him so much trouble – and getting Ahsoka settled is taking a frustratingly long time. Looking at her without remembering how she walked away is nearly impossible. Not to mention having to re-find all the necessary supplies and arrangements in the cruiser. He had never been prepared for a padawan, and Togrutas have very different needs than humans. It's less of a hassle than last time since at least he knows what to get and where to find it, but it's still aggravating. Especially when Obi-Wan asks him to do the same for the 212th since he's too busy with Council matters. Part of him is tempted to snap at Yoda for making him handle this, but he won't.

"I have some things to take care of," Anakin tells her after they finish eating for the evening. "I'll be back late. Don't stay up for me."

"Sure," she agrees cheerfully.

It feels so relieving to leave the Temple it almost hurts. To be here is wrong and it's so freeing to be gone, but this is where he grew up. He shouldn't feel this way.

Padme is waiting for him when he arrives. "Ani," she exclaims happily, pulling him into a hug.

He melts into her embrace, holding her tightly. For the first time since leaving Coruscant in his time, he feels calm and content, however momentary. Everything's alright. Even if the world has changed, she hasn't. Maybe they'll raise Ahsoka right this time. "I missed you, Angel."

"How have you been?"

"Honestly, I've been better." Should he tell her? He wants to. He longs to have someone by his side to help him, but he doesn't even know how to go about explaining.

So instead, he starts talking. He tells her about the battle and about how Ahsoka is his padawan – which she is rightfully surprised and maybe a little upset about. It's more of a reaction than he remembers from last time. Maybe he forgot over time? It would make sense. He tells her about Ventress, and about how he hopes it'll be one step closer to ending the war.

He doesn't actually intend on admitting what happened, but after they finish catching each other up on recent events – it's dark out by now, and they're seated together on the couch – he notices Padme is looking at him inquisitively. "What's wrong?" she asks. She knows. Why is she the only one who knows? Obi-Wan clearly guessed something was wrong, but not head-on like this.

He wants to tell her, but he's... scared. Of what? She'll believe him. Rex would, too. Padme is the one person who he knows would never reject him, no matter what. Even if she never listens to him.

Just get it over with. You have to tell her, eventually.

"I..." The words stick in his throat. He's been in many awkward situations, but never anything like this. "Something happened on Christophsis," he starts finally. "I haven't told anyone, because I didn't want to talk about it, but... I saw the future." There. It's out and said, and he managed to get it out without sounding like a lunatic. At least Ahsoka left his mind with him when she left. Even if she took his heart.

"Saw? You had a vision?" Padme asks.

"It was more," Anakin answers quietly, forcing himself to meet her gaze. "I lived it. I saw the war two years through, and training Ahsoka. And then, somehow, I came back to where it all started."

He senses an array of emotions from her, but she believes him, and that's what matters most.

"Two years," she echoes at last, an undertone of horror in her voice. She hates battle, more so than most people, especially since she has... extra information of how the war progresses. The Jedi don't let on much to the public. There are so many people opposed to the war already that they often find it necessary to underplay losses.

"With no sign of stopping," he adds. "Unless I can stop what I saw, everything is going to get much worse." It irks him, in a way, that all the losses he's experienced in the past are meaningless now. He has the chance to do everything over, but right now, it feels like everything he went through was utterly pointless.

"We can figure it out together," Padme promises.

He nods, smiling softly. "I know." He's glad he told her. It makes him feel better, and he finds himself momentarily playing with the idea of attempting to explain to Obi-Wan, except he's certain his former master would ask for details. Eventually, he might end up having to tell everyone, including the Council, but he won't worry about that right now.

"I should go soon," Anakin says at last, "I need to... get down what I know." If not for what happened, he'd probably say that he doubts anything could kill him, but he knows he's not infallible. Well, he died, so he knows that's not true. "If something happens to me, I need to pass on what I know." He feels a pressing urgency to get to work whenever he thinks of it, which is strange. It must be important; he can feel it in the Force.

"Don't say things like that," she chides gently.

"Uh, about that... That's why I ended up here in the first place. Apparently, the Force didn't want to part with its Chosen One so quickly."

"Stay a little longer," she orders in a tone that promises questions about some much-wanted details.

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