Chapter 12 – Struggles

Author's Note: In which Anakin has a midnight chat with Rex, an emotional contemplation/chat about the snipy child he accidently gave his heart to, had the battle continues. Also, since most of this is Anakin's POV, I'm just gonna... put a warning for how this is the tiniest bit screwed up. :) And we finally get a glimpse into Rex's POV. :D

~ Rivana Rita

He does not appreciate working with Tarkin so soon. It's fine, though, because Anakin usually doesn't like the people he has to work with. He does it, anyway, because it's necessary. He's long gotten used to working with people who dislike him, and who he can't get along with.

Honestly, if he can survive a week alone with Master Windu, he can survive this.

That doesn't make it easy. That doesn't mean he can't stop remembering how this is the man who destroyed Ahsoka's life.

One of them, anyway. He may have been the prosecutor at her trial, but he wasn't the one who was supposed to take care of her and instead threw her out. That was a betrayal he can never forgive the Council for, ever, because Ahsoka was his child, and – and she was the best of them. She deserved it least of all.

Anakin tries to push his bitterness aside, though, because he knows the Jedi do try, even if they do, and often, fail. They don't stand by people, he's come to realize. They don't care about individuals, even if he hates to admit it, even to himself.

Anakin does. It's why they never get along, because after spending the first nine years of his life forgotten by the Jedi on an Outer Rim planet because no one cared, he could never do the same to another.

Ahsoka is sleeping next to him, peacefully. She hasn't yet started being plagued by nightmares that were so frequent later into the war.

It's nice to see her calm, and Anakin wishes he could feel the same himself, but he can't. It doesn't help how this feels like it's a memory or a figment of his own imagination, sometimes. How does he know this is real?

He can't sleep, but he doesn't want to drag himself back to wakefulness and get up and do something, for fear of the image being lost.

Ahsoka is curled up next to him in their tent, and Anakin doesn't remember the last time she slept like this. It was before she became accustomed to the constant sensation of battle, because this child is... at peace. He burns the image forever into his mind, knowing how easily it can be lost, how easily he could lose her. She could leave, any moment.

Ahsoka doesn't even twitch the slightest amount – that's how sound asleep she is, she must be exhausted – when lightning flashes outside, the sound of thunder splitting the air. Anakin hates that sound. It sounds much like explosions, and instantly sets him on edge, ready for action. And it always means more people die.

Back in the day, it would affect Ahsoka almost as badly as Anakin himself. They'd stay with each other through those nights, usually, and it was the only comfort they had. Being together was always the only comfort they had. No one is as deeply affected by the war as him, now, and he hates it. It feels like there's something wrong with him.

He rolls over and presses his face against the pillows with the hopes of blocking out the next flash of lightning. It always, always reminds him of Dooku now. He hasn't been able to look at it the same way since Geonosis – it was hard even then – and it got much worse after Naboo. If he ever manages to fall asleep, nightmares plague him endlessly.

He wishes his Ahsoka was here. His sister. It feels freeing to call her that, even if – even if he ought not to, because it's an attachment. Other Jedi have family members, but those are blood. What they share is a bond formed of love, nothing more.

He misses her, more than words could ever describe. He aches to have her at his side once more. Or maybe even a final goodbye. A chance to tell her how grateful he is to have her.

She's gone. Nothing he says or does or wishes will change that.

She had been so many things to him, finally reaching the point of being the one person he thought knew he could fully trust and would never leave him. But he was wrong. They'll always die or leave him, won't they?

She'd given him so much. And, at the end... she gave him hope. He'd always struggled with the claim he was the Chosen One. It was a destiny, a burden that he didn't want a part of, but the Council kept pushing it on him. It's the only reason they put up with him. Yet, how was he supposed to balance anything if he couldn't balance himself?

It was a question he always struggled with, one which eventually forced him withdraw in on himself, knowing there's no one who can share the burden with him, that he has to do it alone, that he has to show everyone he can be the perfect Jedi they keep demanding of him. But then came Ahsoka. She was wild, she was reckless, completely uncontrolled and purely violent. And from there, she grew into something completely different, much like the person her great-grandmaster was, much like the person Anakin wanted to be. And, at the end of the day, the one thing he failed to teach her was control.

Lightning flashes again, the blue-white light of it spilling through the partly open door, and he shudders. This isn't working. He can't sleep. Maybe he should stop trying.

Force knows how much he loathes these storms. He always has. When he was young, they were always loud and disorienting and thunder reminded him of... things he never wanted to think about. He'd been near more explosions than he can count – not that he's ever tried or even wanted to. It took him far longer than he cares to admit, to accept it didn't mean people were dying and he could stay calm about it. Rain is different. Rain is calming, but the lightning always outdoes that. Storms aren't common on Coruscant, and that, he expects, is part of why they bother him so much.

This is pathetic. He's twenty-two – wait, no. Just twenty. Not five. He shouldn't be freaking out like this because of a thunderstorm, of all things. He's been a general for well over two years. This is ridiculous.

Something prickles at his senses, though. Someone nearby is... uneasy. Upset. He can feel their distress, and he knows who it is immediately. Rex. Of course. Nightmares are common among the clones, too, especially later.

It's something to occupy himself with, too, which is also a plus.

Anakin stands shakily, slipping out of their tent with a final glance back at Ahsoka, going in search of Rex. It's easy enough to find him. "Rex," he calls quietly, reaching into the Force to touch his mind.

The clone fades into wakefulness almost instantly. His gaze darts around the tent before he sits up, relief flitting across his face when his gaze lands on Anakin in the doorway.

"You were dreaming," Anakin says, by way of answer, backing up. The clone stands and maneuvers his way around the others, and they let it shut behind them. It's a thing they've all become accustomed to doing, though he can't quite remember if they had by this point or not. It's hard to sleep immediately after seeing close friends die innumerable horrific ways.

"These storms tend to cause that, sir."

Yeah, they do. It's something else he's long since learned. "If we're lucky, maybe it'll be cleared by morning." Anakin shrugs. "Then we can get off this planet sooner." Lightning flashes again, lighting the area, and he notices for the first time the many marks on the familiar blue armor are... different. Rex had kept count of their number of successful missions, and the number is far, far lower.

Rex still seems shaken up over whatever he saw, and his mind seems to be returning to that train of thought. "It was a strange dream," he admits. "It was very... real."

"Mine usually are," Anakin confesses, quietly, and he has a sudden memory flash of having a similar conversation with Ahsoka once, after she started dreaming. It had been unsettling for her, because she never dreamed until a few months into the war, when the violence she'd experienced started becoming too much to process. "Jedi don't dream. We have visions. We see things in the future, usually blurred between events in the past."

"That sounds... convenient," Rex replies. "Can you figure out how to defeat Grievous?"

Anakin laughs. "Unfortunately, visions are only of the most unwanted, inconvenient things, but if I find him..." He waves a hand. "Believe me, he'd be dead. Hopefully you can be there to see it." Hopefully, Anakin will be there to see it. He remembers his next near-encounter with the cyborg... fairly clearly. It was when they encountered the Malevolence and Padme had nearly gotten killed. He could never forget that.

He wonders, a little, what Rex saw that shook him up so much. The captain is so unshakable, most of the time. He had been even when they went together to get Ahsoka's lightsaber from the warehouse, even if Anakin had felt his pain. They had stood together when they found it, in a moment of silent mourning, and... that had been it, before they threw themselves back into battle together.

Somehow, he knows without a doubt that Rex would – even if he's the only one – follow him to the edge of the world if he had to.

"I know you could handle him," Rex continues, suddenly a little quieter. This seems to be about whatever it is that's disturbing him. "We've never encountered anything you can't handle."

"I sense a 'but' in there?" Anakin prompts. It's true, though. He can die. Clearly, because he did, before getting thrown back here, and... it doesn't feel real. It feels like some sort of dream, something that was neither here nor there nor... anywhere.

"Sometimes I wonder what if there's a limit," he confesses.

Anakin wants to throw back a light, teasing comeback, but... he can't, especially when a sudden thought occurs to him. "Did you see it?" he blurts out. "Did you... dream it?"

Rex twitches, seeming startled by the question. "I woke up first."

Something dark and heavy settles in his gut, a prickle of unease running down his spine. Ahsoka had a similar vision earlier, and now Rex? What if... it's real? What if it's really something that will happen, and only those close to him are seeing it ahead of time? It could be a side-effect of stress and worry, but... the Force showed Ahsoka a vision of it, and that was not a mistake.

He doesn't want to die; Anakin realizes with a jolt of certainty. It never bothered him, very much, but he doesn't want to stop existing, to disappear and be forever forgotten, because he simply has no one to remember him.

Except Padme.

And maybe Rex and the boys.

And... the Chancellor, of course.

The list of those who would mourn him is ridiculously short.

He's too young, he has too many things to do first.

And what if he can't? What if he can't die? He should have, technically, but the Force sent him back. How does he know it won't always be that way?

"It'll be fine," Anakin promises, with a certainty he entirely lacks.

That's when the Force tenses around him, whispering a warning. "Look out!" he yells, shoving Rex aside and whipping out his lightsaber, deflecting a blaster shot that could have taken off the clone's head.

A surprise attack, then. The droids here seem more dangerous and smarter than most, and it makes Anakin wonder who's in charge. They seem... far more intelligent than usual, and they need to be more on the lookout.

**w**

It's after they take out the second base that Ahsoka disappears off for a while. Anakin notices her absence immediately and heads out to look for her as soon as he can. She's seated in a tree – of course, she is – and he senses the faintest hint of pain through their bond.

In all honestly, Anakin is glad to be out here, away from the others. Being around Tarkin for such an extended period has his temper on a very short fuse.

"Ahsoka?" he asks quietly, approaching her slowly.

"Yeah?" she groans.

"Rex told me you were here," he replies, looking up. She's settled perfectly between two larger branches, high enough up that any higher branches might break under her weight. "How are you?"

She makes a face at him. "I'll be fine."

"Let me rephrase that." Anakin paces over to the lowest branch and jumps, pulling himself up into the branches. He settles back on it, the tree bark rubbing uncomfortably against his back through his robes, but... he doesn't mind, because plants are peaceful, and he grew up without them. "I know something's wrong, Snips. I sensed it."

"It didn't seem important," she admits. "But, my head hurts. The battle is... overwhelming for my montrals, I think. It feels like a sensory overload."

Oof. She'd dealt with that a lot at first last time, too. "If something hurts, you need to tell me, or have Kix look at it," Anakin orders. "Things can be a lot more serious than they seem. I've had experience with ignoring injuries and they weren't pretty, believe me."

She makes a face at him. "I can take care of myself."

He wishes he had something to offer her, but he doesn't. Not really. He's not a Togruta, he has no idea how that operates. "Staying out here for a while is a good idea," he tells her, offhandedly. "Unless we're spotted by clankers."

She makes a sound of agreement, and they lapse into silence. He's exhausted, Anakin finally realizes. He wants to sleep, but he already knows he won't be able to. It's always best not to, to keep on moving, because if he drops from exhaustion Force knows when he'll wake up. It's happened before, especially... after Hardeen.

"When we get back, I hope you can get to stay at the Temple for a while," Anakin murmurs, only to stop his eyes from closing. He can't be about to fall asleep in a treetop, here. Ahsoka still has a lot to learn, before she's ready for hands-on combat. She may learn faster on the field, but that's not something he's comfortable with yet. She had taken a lot of time before getting used to hand-to-hand combat, even if she had a natural affinity for lightsabers.

Ahsoka doesn't reply, and they lapse into silence. Normally, she would have, he knows, but she's exhausted now.

He watches her until he dozes off, suddenly hit by the realization of how absolutely lucky he is to have this child by his side, to have her unshakable loyalty directed to him, even if he is undeserving of it.

When he jolts awake, suddenly, she's gone, probably back to the rest of the 501st. It would be high time for Anakin to rejoin, but... now that he's out here, he might as well do a quick scan of the area. One very convenient thing about trees is that they're so easy to hide in, especially only one person. It should be enough to give him sufficient cover to check for weak points on the last base.

Another strategy Ahsoka accidently helped him create.

**w**

Anakin slips into general mode again, the only way he finds himself capable of dealing with everything. It hurts, so much, but on the front lines, there is no time for any of it. It had taken time for him to scout out, but he got what they needed. After a very, very long argument with Tarkin on why it's strategically stupid to attack it at once, Anakin suggested they surround the base. They have three Jedi, and each will be leading their own attack. Tarkin hadn't been happy at the thought of Ahsoka leading something of her own, and neither was Anakin, though for entirely different reasons.

She already nearly got killed here, and while he's certain she'll be fine, he doesn't have a good feeling about it. Plus, the clones don't entirely trust her. They seemed instantly... unhappy at the thought of being led by someone they barely know, and Anakin doesn't blame them. Most Jedi see their clones as nothing more than cannon fodder. They don't know Ahsoka well enough to expect otherwise from her.

"I assure you my padawan is quite capable," Anakin states flatly.

"So you insist," Tarkin grumbles.

"My captain is with her," Anakin reminds. It irks him how Tarkin won't stop insisting that Ahsoka is not up for the task. It's especially upsetting that Anakin himself agrees, even though for entirely different reasons. Tarkin doesn't trust the Jedi; Anakin knows the limits of Ahsoka's abilities – to a point – and he knows this is going to be difficult for her. If there was another route, he'd choose it, but there's not.

He doesn't think any harm will come to her, at least nothing too severe, or the Force would be warning him. While it seems wary, it's not screaming of danger. Anakin especially doesn't like how Ahsoka had to be the one to lead a diversion attack. "If you have any last-minute concerns, now would be a good time to raise them."

The captain didn't much enjoy the possibility of sneaking into the base to destroy it, but seeing as they shielded the entire thing, it's the only choice. And he knows that if the sour expression on his face is anything to go by. "If this... plan of yours goes wrong, General Skywalker," Tarkin declares imperiously, "Don't tell me I didn't warn you."

Bastard. Anakin wants to punch him. He doesn't. Instead, he ignores him entirely.

**w**

It started out fine, Rex thinks. He had thought they'd make it the rest of the way to the base unnoticed... until they don't. They were on the look-out for droids, unlike before, but a group of jumps them out of almost nowhere. Rex has his blasters raised and starts shooting the second he registers their presences, and the Commander whips out her lightsaber. She doesn't charge at the droids, unlike last time, but Rex loses track of her amidst the chaos.

He knows the battle is moving dangerously close to a steep incline – it's not quite a cliff, because the drop isn't straight down, but it's close enough to be dangerous. It doesn't help how, unlike the rest of the area, the ground here is... unsteady. "Watch your step," Rex calls to the others, as he blasts another droid.

Rex wonders, for a fleeting moment, if they'll make it through to their position on time.

Then his attention is diverted by a series of yelps followed by a particularly loud shriek.

The Commander, he realizes, grimly. She'd fallen off the edge of a cliff on Tatooine, too, and it seems like those things are following him everywhere, for some reason.

Before Rex has time to check up on her, his comm is already beeping. "Rex!" His General sounds worried and the slightest bit breathless. "What's happening?"

"We were ambushed, sir," Rex answers, glancing around to ensure there's no droids close enough to attack him while he explains the situation. "I lost sight of the Commander."

"Find her!"

He can't help but think that from the fear in his General's voice, he must know something is wrong. It's happened before, something about the Force that Rex doesn't and never will understand. "Right away, sir."

It... isn't that hard to find her at the bottom of the slope, seating in the grass with a very unhappy expression. "Are the droids destroyed?" she asks, when Rex approaches her.

"It's nothing the boys can't handle," he reassures. "Are you alright?" It's strange to ask, because General Skywalker is always alright, no matter what he jumps or falls off. The Commander – the child who is so much younger than Rex and all his brothers, who is also a species he knows very little about – does not look alright, or she'd be standing.

"I can still fight," she insists, trying to get up, only to release a yelp when she moves her leg. It's not a common thing, because of their armor, but Rex is fairly certain it might be broken. "I just need to get up. We need to move forwards."

"I don't think so," he replies, pointedly. "You can't walk if your leg is broken."

"It's – ow!" She starts moving and cuts herself off with a yelp again. "Master Skywalker is counting on us."

Speaking of the General... "I found Commander Tano," Rex reports. "She's –"

"I'm here!" Ahsoka yells from the ground.

"Ahsoka!" Even now, the relief Rex can almost feel around him is slightly unsettling. He's never felt it for anyone else, but the Force is... different for his General. It can be felt by everyone. "Are you okay?"

"Yes!"

"She broke her leg." The captain pointedly ignores his glowering superior.

There's a moment of silence from the other end. "She won't be able to come with you, then. Make it somewhere safe, and she can monitor from a distance. We might have air support incoming."

"What?!" she yelps. "All I get to do is watch from a distance?"

"Hey, Togruta's have better vision," the General replies in a lighter tone. "Besides, you can watch their backs. If someone tries to ambush them again, you'll see."

Ahsoka... does not look impressed in the least, and Rex has the suspicion they'll argue about it more later, once he's out of earshot. She doesn't continue to object, though, so he moves forwards to carefully pick her up, then make his way back up the slope.

After that, things to proceed according to plan. It's a little surprising, because of how rare it is. Rex makes his way into the base and joins forces with General Skywalker, as planned. The base is leveled by the time air support finally arrives, including the General's fighter, flown by his astromech droid.

All the while, as far as Rex was concerned, they'd finish cleaning up and then wait to be taken back to their cruiser, and maybe get some very, very badly needed rest.

Artoo whistles from the fighter as it lands in front of them.

"Perfect timing," General Skywalker congratulates cheerfully, striding towards it.

"You're joining the space battle?" Rex asks, warily.

"You know me."

"I also know you only slept five of last seventy-two hours."

"I'll worry about that once the battle's over," he replies lightly, scrambling into cockpit, and for the millionth time, Rex finds himself genuinely concerned for his General's wellbeing. It's common for him to push himself until he drops, and it worries him. Maybe he'll talk to Cody about it afterwards, knowing where the concerns would go.

Now that the chaos is over and all is quiet, Rex takes a minute to reflect on the past few days. He noticed, a few times, how his General's strategies seemed a little... different. They're more intricate, as if he has a better idea what to expect and has more experience. It wouldn't have stuck him as odd, simply because this is General Skywalker, but Rex noticed the sudden... change, even if he can't quite place when it happened.

Again, he finds himself wondering if there's something going on which he doesn't yet know.

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