Chapter 16 – Denial

Author's Note: In which Ahsoka and Obi-Wan struggle in the aftermath of losing Anakin, who is now trapped in Dooku's hands. :')

~ Amina Gila

Ahsoka stares blankly at the viewport, mind whirling. Her master is... no. This can't have happened. It couldn't. Anakin Skywalker could not have died in a ship crash he made happen himself. The possibility is too absurdly ridiculous.

"No," Ahsoka whispers, eyes wide.

Master Kenobi spins around and strides out of the bridge without looking back, doors closing behind him with a loud hiss.

She feels lightheaded, shaky. She wants to run, to do something to – to – she doesn't know, but this cannot have happened. She was looking, she was, but she never saw her master leave that ship. She doesn't see him now, either.

Ahsoka runs. She doesn't know where she's going, just away. He can't be dead. This is what she feared from the beginning, why she didn't want to follow through with his plan, but it was her who insisted they go after Master Plo. Is it worth it though? Is it?

Rex – of all people – is the one who comes to fetch her from her quarters some hours later. She'd dozed off from exhaustion after working herself through her blinding panic. It'll be okay, Ahsoka desperately tries to convince herself. He could have escaped on the other side of the ship, but they didn't notice. He's alright. He must be.

"Commander," Rex calls, knocking on the door.

Ahsoka reaches up to rub her eyes, blinking a few times. She didn't remember falling asleep, but she must have. "Come in," she calls, dragging herself off her bunk.

He opens the door, standing inside the doorway, helmet tucked under one arm. "General Kenobi wanted to speak with you?"

Ahsoka deflates immediately. She is not looking forward to this. "Have you found Master Skywalker?" she asks.

"No, ma'am, but we're still looking."

Ahsoka nods, dismally, shuffling past Rex into the hall. It occurs to her, then, that maybe she should apologize. It was his general who might be lost, after all, and Ahsoka was the one who dragged him into it. What was she thinking? She could've refused to leave him, at least, and she didn't. And now Master Kenobi will be so mad...

"I don't believe our general was on there," Rex admits as they walk.

Ahsoka doesn't respond, because she doesn't know what to say. She doesn't want to believe it, either, but she's afraid her hopes will be in vain. Then what?

She held hope Master Plo would survive, but that was different. She'd known him far longer, and she knows what he's capable of. The same cannot be said for her own masters, but Anakin Skywalker is the Chosen One and that means a lot. She refused to believe Master Plo was dead, and she'll do the same for her own master until she hears otherwise. The only question that doesn't make sense is where he is if he's not here.

The Jedi Master looks none too happy when Ahsoka arrives. He's standing at the holotable, arms crossed, glaring in a way that would intimidate almost anyone with common sense, but Ahsoka's not afraid. Obviously. She's a Jedi.

"You should never have gone there," he snaps.

"I couldn't just leave Master Plo!" she protests, "I knew he was alive!"

"At the expense of your mission?" he retorts sharply.

"We destroyed the Malevolence!"

"Anakin destroyed it! And he's gone now because of it."

"He can't – he has to be out there!"

"He's alive," Obi-Wan replies curtly, sharply. "I can sense him. He is lost though. I suspect he's been captured." There's a whirlwind of fury around him that almost makes her retreat a few steps, but she doesn't. If there is one thing Ahsoka has always been, it's stubborn and fearless. She stands her ground now as she always does. "You should never have gone there."

"My master said it was fine!" she retorts, "That it was against the Council, but our help was needed! It's what the Code says!" She is not wrong about this. She is not, and she doesn't know why Master Kenobi is telling her otherwise, because the Jedi's mandate is to help people.

"You must follow the Council's orders," Obi-Wan replies icily. "Regardless of what Anakin has told you. He asked me to teach you control and now I know why. If he wanted to go, you should have stopped him, not encouraged him!"

"And let Master Plo die?!" Ahsoka yells, temper finally snapping.

"Your duty comes first, padawan, no matter which life is on the line. You're giving in to attachment. You must learn to let it go."

She knew he would be upset, but she doesn't really understand why... "We're supposed to help people in need!"

"We are," the Jedi Master retaliates, "You must learn control if you are to become a Jedi. Now go to your room."

Force, she misses Skyguy.

**w**

Consciousness is fading in and out. The one constant, undeniable thing in his existence is that everything hurts. The one thing that frustrates him the most is that he's not entirely unconscious, because it hurts too much to be. He vaguely registers that he's not somewhere safe and at home, or where he doesn't need to worry, though he doesn't quite know where he is or why he's here, because he's supposed to be dead, though he can't quite remember why.

Anakin doesn't know what it is they do to him. All he knows is that it hurts. He doesn't think he screamed – he wasn't quite present enough to, though he thinks a few half-muffled and mostly unintelligible protests slipped out.

When consciousness fully returns, Anakin knows instinctively where he is, even without having to look around. He's been in Separatist prisons enough times, thank you very much. No time has been more pleasant than the last, and he doubts it'll be different now.

And... Dooku's here. Anakin can sense him.

No. Nonononono.

He does not – can't deal with that, not now. He aches everywhere still from the battle, injuries he doesn't entirely remember obtaining. It doesn't really matter, Anakin decides. The Malevolence was destroyed, and Master Plo and Ahsoka escaped safely with the clones.

An icy fear creeps through him. Unlike almost every other time he's been captured, this is not part of a plan. No one knows where he is or how to find him. He'll be trapped here, until someone finds the ship. For all Anakin knows, he could be well into Separatist space, with no hopes of that in the near future.

Until someone finds him, he'll be stuck here.

That doesn't mean Anakin won't try to escape; of course, he will. He suspects he'll need to wait a while though, and Anakin doubts he'll be able to get very far. He'll have to wait until the door opens, and... this is unusual. He's not in the usual place they keep him in. It's a normal prison cell, which he can easily escape from as soon as the door is opened.

It just leaves the question of how long that will be, and when Dooku will decide to... pay him a visit. Anakin has little doubt that it'll happen one way or another, even if he does make an escape attempt as soon as possible.

Fear clenches him in a vice, even if he struggles to escape it. It's what the Sith would want. Anakin won't let him have the satisfaction of feeling like he won anything.

It must've been a while, though he doesn't know how long he was out. All he knows is that he's insanely thirsty, which, all things considered, is a very minor problem. He still aches everywhere. Anakin glances down at himself, mildly annoyed by how foggy and sluggish his brain still feels. They must have drugged him or something because this is not normal, and they obviously want something with him. It makes him wonder again if Dooku does really know what happened. He doesn't want to think about that or the possibility of someone else having time-traveled with him, even if Padme and Ahsoka and... actually everyone he's closest to seem to be seeing flashes of their memories from Anakin's timeline.

His robes are still blood-stained in the area he remembers, but they must have taken care of it. It's not actively bleeding, or he'd already be dead, and... it feels like they stitched it or something. Clearly, they do really want him alive.

He hesitates for a moment before pushing himself upright and pulling his tunic up to check it over. That injury is by far the worst, but he's covered with the much-too-familiar electrical burns also, which they haven't bothered treating. Probably won't, either, seeing as they'll only be added to.

Anakin settles back against the wall. He's trapped here for the indefinite future at the mercies of a completely deranged Sith Lord, so yes, he is scared. He has every reason to be, even if he's trying to calm himself. Fear changes nothing, he knows. It won't lessen what will happen. His head throbs dully – it has been since Grievous threw him against the Twilight. It's worse now, and it'll continue to get worse. Migraines are normal after electrocution, and he's fortunate the worst of it hasn't kicked in yet.

He... he'll have to meditate to calm himself, maybe find some inkling of something in the Force, and maybe reach out to Obi-Wan. He'll come if he knows where and how to. He will.

Anakin was supposed to kill Dooku, but he failed. The Malevolence is destroyed, but at what cost?

He doesn't know when or if the Republic will be able to find him here. He's on his own, again, and he doesn't know... what's going to happen. He has no idea if Obi-Wan will get to him on time. Seeing his luck, he probably won't be here for a while, but Anakin won't give up hope. He can't. It's all he has left now.

**w**

They return to Coruscant after receiving confirmation that the Malevolence was lost, or at least it hasn't made any further appearances.

They lost Anakin.

He's just... gone.

Obi-Wan knows he's still there, had felt his pain shortly after the ship was destroyed, but the brilliant light is still hovering ever present in the back of his mind. He can feel it.

Except this time, the Jedi have no idea where to start looking.

Anything could have happened between then and now. He has no idea when or how they'll find Anakin again. They know he's alive, but they don't know where, and they have no leads. They have no way to find him.

Anakin wouldn't be the first Jedi the Separatists captured, and Obi-Wan has heard enough to know how they treat their prisoners. He doesn't want to think about what his child is probably experiencing right now. It's Obi-Wan's fault in a way, because if he had trained Anakin better, he wouldn't be so reckless and he wouldn't have done something this outrageous without the Council's approval. He said he knew from before, and Obi-Wan trusted that, but something must have gone wrong. Anakin wouldn't lie to him, not about that.

Either way, he's lost, and... Obi-Wan has no idea when he'll see him again. Not to mention what condition he'll be in when they do find him. He'd prefer not to dwell on it, but he can't help it. This is his padawan, the boy he raised. He should have stopped Anakin from going after the Malevolence. He could have, but he didn't.

This failure is his own.

It's hours later when he goes to his apartment. After a long moment of consideration, he goes into Anakin's room. He doesn't want to be here long, in case his padawan's presence starts to fade from the use.

His eyes immediately land on the object lying on Anakin's bed. He left a recording here, and it's too pointed to have been unintentional.

He doesn't see a reason not to check it out – why would he? Jedi have no regard for privacy because none of them have anything to hide from one another, and Anakin definitely shouldn't have anything to hide from him. If it is something private, he'll leave it at that.

"This is a – what you would call a back-up plan, Master," a hologram of Anakin says. "I made it in case something happened to me. I – I know the risk of war. I know... something could happen to me, to any of us. I could not risk everything I knew being destroyed with me. Unless I am gone... don't watch this."

The timing of this, really.

Something twists inside him at the much-too-calm way his padawan says it, as if his own life means nothing to him. Obi-Wan knows immediately what this is though: a failsafe in case something happens to him, and the information he knows from the future is lost. This is something Anakin should have gone to the Council with immediately, though he didn't, and Obi-Wan doesn't know why. There must be some reason for it, but he needs to know, to prevent another situation like this.

"I don't know what's happened since I made this. I have so much to say. I understand the risks, but I – so much has happened. I don't know who I can trust anymore."

"Obi-Wan, if you're there, I know – I must not be with you. I know you would want to tell me how I shouldn't say this, but I must. You need to know. I – I love you. I always will. I died loving you." He blinks a few times, looking away.

His words cut Obi-Wan to the core, repeating over in his head. It might've been made with the assumption that he died, but that doesn't feel right. Either way, it's too unthinkable. Anakin can't die. He can't. He's been the center of Obi-Wan's world for ten years, and he can't imagine life as a Jedi without Anakin anymore.

"There is so much I could say to you, but I don't know where to start. You have done so much for me. I have been... ungrateful. I don't know what you've been through for me, but there is nothing I wouldn't do for you." He looks away, shaking his head slightly. "I know, you don't believe me, but it's what it is."

His expression shifts, slightly, softening. "Ahsoka, if you're there... I must tell you not to blame yourself for whatever idiocy I got into. While I mostly remember you from before – a life you'll never remember – your loyalty is..." he trails off, letting out a quiet sigh. "Amazes me," he finally settles on. "I hope you can let go of me like before if you must. Do not let your love for me destroy you. You are too good for that."

"I love you, Ahsoka. I always will. You mean the world to me." For a moment he looks unexpectedly close to tears before it disappears again, almost as quickly. "I do not want anything from you." He looks down, like he's slightly uncomfortable or embarrassed or just can't look her in the eye as he says it. "I just want you to be alright."

"And Rex – you have always stood by me when I needed someone, and I thank you for that. I wish there was a way I could repay you. You're a friend and I – thank you. For everything. From start to finish – it was you who had faith in me when no one else did."

Obi-Wan honestly isn't quite sure what to make of that. Apparently, Anakin was far closer with his Captain than Obi-Wan realized... Same for Ahsoka, though that is unsurprising. He was her only master in his time before.

The hologram shifts as if something was cut out from it, but Obi-Wan doubts it was anything of major importance or he would have left it in, though he does wonder what it was about. Unless Anakin didn't take it all at once, though Obi-Wan doesn't really think so.

From there, the recording jumps to the war, which Obi-Wan listens through, because it's important. What sets him off most is that some of this he could swear feels like it happened though he has no memory of any of it... until the end.

When Anakin briefly mentioned something about dying earlier, apparently... it was real? He died.

Oh, Force.

In truth, Obi-Wan doesn't know what to say to that. It seems entirely impossible that Anakin could have been killed by anything, and it only serves to boost his current concerns. He had thought it was impossible, though he still frequently worried.

They need to find Anakin, somehow, and none of the information he gave was useful. The Council will have to figure it out the same way they do everything else. They're back to square one.

**w**

It feels like it's been a very long time, but his perception could be skewed. Dooku hasn't come in here yet, and nor have the droids. They've left him alone so far, but it's hard to say how long that will last. All Anakin knows is that he's achingly lonely, and he needs something to do. He wants to talk to someone or do something other than stare at the very dark prison walls that he's already spent way too long studying before, and he can't try breaking out unless the droids come in. He knows how to do it – he has before.

So instead, he lets himself sink into the Force, because it's the only thing he can do. They haven't taken this from him yet at least.

Help me, he asks it. Show me what I must do. Where I must go.

It's overwhelming to reach this deeply into the Force because it lets him feel everything. He can feel the way the Force flows through the metal walls around him, how the droids beyond it are moving, how the energy is flowing through the engine of the spaceship he's on, and... everything about the nearby organic beings. He senses Dooku, talking to... someone. The presence is completely clouded even from him, but it's dark, and Anakin wonders if it's the other Sith. He can only be grateful for how he's not on a planet, because here in space, isolated, it's easier to just be with the influence of the living.

And as he searches for something, anything, he could swear he feels the faintest trace of a presence he felt so long ago.

Of someone who, in another universe, he could have considered home. (Not that he can imagine saying it for anyone except Obi-Wan... and Padme.)

"Anakin." His voice is as soothing and gentle as it was years ago.

It must be a vision, because this can't be happening – death ends when a person passes into the Force. Everyone knows that.

But it's not as though this would be the first time he's thought he felt Qui-Gon's presence, and it's not the first time he's spoken to him, either.

"Anakin."

"I'm here, Master," he answers aloud. It occurs to him then that the Force may be speaking to him through the voice of one he knows. It's most likely.

"The Force will guide you," Qui-Gon's voice says. It's as though it speaks from the Force itself, echoing from the very air around him. "Trust in it."

"I try." He does. He has nothing else to believe in anymore. He can't blindly believe in the Council anymore, or in anyone he used to know, but he can at least trust in the Force to guide him down the right path. Maybe if he'd done that earlier, he could have stopped Ahsoka from going through that and he wouldn't be back here. Maybe that's why it had to happen – for him to come here and – and help. "Why me?" he asks. "Aren't there others who are... better? Why not Obi-Wan?"

"Your death was untimely. The ripple in the Force and the galaxy ensuing destruction was enough to transport you back to a... safe time and location."

"How could I be that important?" Honestly, he's not sure he entirely follows this conversation. On Mortis, he'd thought seeing Qui-Gon was just a vision, but now he doesn't entirely believe it. This is too real. And what of every other time he's felt him, or heard him?

"You are more important than you will ever know. Without you, the Sith would destroy all in the galaxy that makes it."

He neither knows nor wants to know what that means. "What do I do?" he asks helplessly. "Should I tell the Council? Who can I trust?"

"There is one you can trust," comes the answer, the voice echoing through the room, from the Force itself, flowing through and around him. "One, who's mind and freewill can be ripped away more easily than your own."

Anakin has absolutely no idea what that means, and he finds himself wondering if it's normal for the most respected Jedi Masters to speak in riddles, because Master Yoda was the exact same way. "I don't understand."

"In time," he replies. "Not all is as it seems. Your friends are your enemies, and your enemies, your friends." It's not until the presence unwinds itself from Anakin that he realizes it was there. He misses it immediately.

"Wait!" Anakin calls, but he's already gone. He looks up, staring blankly at the wall. He has no idea what just happened. Maybe something happened when he time-traveled? He has no idea.

The last sentence is what sticks in his mind the most. He doesn't know why he suddenly finds himself thinking of Ventress, about how she said the Jedi betrayed her. He banishes the thought just as quickly. He can't imagine any reality where he and Ventress are friends.

He needs to get out of here, and he has no idea if the Republic will be able to find him. It's fine. He can try escaping on his own. If he can't get off, he wouldn't lose anything except a second chance, and he probably won't get a first if he waits.

And while he's here, on Dooku's cruiser, maybe he can find something of use. He suddenly remembers what he'd sensed earlier. He might not be able to get there and back again, but if he can trace the other Sith and get that to the Republic, at least, it'll be worth it.

He scans the prison cell, reaching into the Force. He can't sense droids the same way as living things, but he can still feel something moving. The Force flows differently through them, and if he's focusing hard enough, he can tell the difference between metal and open air – it's different on a molecular scale. They're coming towards him now, and he's not sure that they're going to come in here, but he climbs up to the ceiling anyway. The droids fall for it the way they always do. He waits until they enter the cell before dropping to the ground, Force-shoving them into the wall, and running.

He darts down the halls to the end of the prison area, drawing the Force around him in a way to make himself harder to find – it's a thing all Jedi learn for stealth. One cannot be a Jedi Knight without knowing this. It's basic training, something Anakin had been doing subconsciously since Tatooine.

He dodges droid patrols and cameras until he makes it into the ventilation system – one of the oldest, most obvious tricks in the book, but at least he's made it there by the time the alarm sounds. They're probably going to watch the hangar and the escape pods, but luckily, that's not where he's headed. He can only let the Force and his knowledge of these ships guide him as he makes his way through the vents, searching for the Count's quarters. He needs to be careful, but if the Sith is occupied elsewhere, he should have time to get there and out.

He can hope.

The coast is clear; he can feel it. The Force isn't warning him of danger. Despite the tenseness of the situation, Anakin finds that he feels oddly calm. He pulls the grate back and drops to the floor, ignoring how the movement jars the injury in his side. His head is throbbing too, but he keeps moving, undeterred, through sheer willpower.

This is for the Republic. For the Order. For Ahsoka. For Rex. For Padme.

Silently, he moves forwards, looking around. This reminds him of the same place he and Obi-Wan saw years ago when they cornered Dooku right before crash-landing on Vanqor. He shakes those thoughts from mind, instead hurrying over to the communicator. He needs to see if there's a way to trace it back to the source. He might be able to find the other Sith if he can.

He moves quietly, cautiously, but fast. There is no time to waste. The Force guides him as he scans his surroundings. Finding the comm system is easy, but tracing it is... complicated. He can sense the darkness though, and it shows him where he needs to go.

This is it. His answer is so, so close – the answer they've been trying to find since the war broke out. The answer as to who the other person behind the war is.

The Force tenses in warning; someone is approaching. The timing is as bad as it could get, because Anakin refuses to back out until he's done. Tracking the signal location is nigh impossible but he knows enough about technological loopholes to do it.

It's to Coruscant. Anakin isn't even surprised about that; they had questioned the truth about whether there is a Sith in the Senate, after all. That seems to be true, on some level or another. The coordinates are... somewhere in the Works, and Anakin doesn't have time to narrow it down as much as he'd have liked before the door slides open.

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