Chapter 22 – Breaking

Author's Note: Sometimes, writing with the Council is cool. Sometimes, I think they would be interesting villains... but I usually try to minimize them since I... sometimes find it too triggering. I feel the serious need to point out, though, that despite how the Council is acting, they are genuinely trying their best to do what they think is right. They don't have the clearer, bigger picture that we do, knowing far more of what's happening in the galaxy than they do.

~ Rivana Rita

The dreams stopped, Rex noticed, though everything with him feels more... settled and less confusing now. As if whatever bits and pieces he was getting has finally settled down on some subconscious level, laying themselves out in his mind. He knows things, sometimes, and gets odd senses of déjà vu. He doesn't know if he's the only one, and though he wishes he could do more, he understands his General's reasoning. He definitely doesn't hold it against him.

Rex doesn't understand how this... Force works, but he knows it's different with his general than the other Jedi. He doesn't understand it, but it doesn't really matter. He worries for Anakin sometimes, but this is his General, so his concerns are natural, as is the General's ability to take care of himself.

But the memories he has of this much darker future are far more visible in his mind. There's mostly flashes and bits and pieces of memories, but occasionally, he'll get solid images, feelings when he's with people he would've once known. He knows what would've happened to Echo. He almost wishes he didn't, but General Skywalker was right that they can only use this knowledge to help.

They already are.

**w**

Truthfully, Obi-Wan hadn't wanted to tell the Council without Anakin's agreement, but this is far too important to remain quiet about. They were sent out again, right after the Malevolence, but now, it's been a while, and he, at least, can try to correct his former padawan's mistake. Sometimes, it feels like that's all he ever does – chase after Anakin, cleaning up whatever it is his former padawan left behind. Somehow, it always seems to be something. And he doesn't understand it, because Anakin is perfectly thorough when he wants to be.

Frankly? It's a very, very awkward thing to explain to the Council, especially considering Obi-Wan himself never told them when he should have.

Master Yoda, predictably, is the only one who doesn't seem surprised when Obi-Wan finally explains it all.

"And you never told us sooner?" Of course, that's Windu's first response.

"I had no reason to suspect Anakin would not do it himself," Obi-Wan replies, annoyed. He is, admittedly, worried about what the Council will do, but what matters is that they know.

"And why has he not spoken of this to us?" Master Plo inquires, "We could have made a difference long ago."

"He appears to have lost faith in the Council, the reasons for which he has never entirely explained," Obi-Wan answers, "He avoids it every time I ask him, but punishing him for it, I believe would work in reverse."

"He must know such arrogance can be dangerous," Windu points out – he's always irritable when it comes to Anakin.

"He does," Obi-Wan replies, "He confronted it himself, when his encounter with the Malevolence went... downhill. I permitted him to search for Master Plo, because he said that is what he did before."

"We have some information, at least," Plo says.

"Had we utilized it earlier, we may not need to worry as much about being unable to catch the Sith off-guard," Windu scowls. "Now, we have little knowledge about whether the battles he knew will be the same." Now that it's laid out, Obi-Wan can't help thinking he should've mentioned it a long time ago.

"Summon Skywalker, we should," Master Yoda decides, "Discuss this matter with him, we should."

Obi-Wan let's go of the stab of guilt he feels. He knew the Council would be upset, and predictably, blame Anakin for it, but he couldn't remain quiet when it put so much at risk.

Anakin arrives no more than half an hour later, and Obi-Wan senses his nervousness. "You summoned me, Masters?" he asks after bowing in greeting. Obi-Wan can tell from how he's holding himself that he's tense, and he longs for what it was before the war broke out. So much has changed, and it feels like he completely lost the padawan he knew. And yes, he is still angry at Anakin for his behavior.

"Obi-Wan told us about your..."

"Time-travel," Obi-Wan finishes Windu's statement.

Anakin, somehow, successfully keeps his face blank, and maybe it's just the way he's wrapped in his cloak, but he looks... small.

"You should have given us this information immediately," Windu says, staring him down.

"I know," Anakin replies quietly.

"Will you explain this?" Mundi inquires. He doesn't look happy about it either. No one is.

"I have no excuse." Anakin is intentionally avoiding eye-contact with Obi-Wan again, even if he's looking at Windu, his discomfort no longer quite so concealed.

"Do you realize the consequences of remaining quiet under these circumstances?" Windu asks.

Was Obi-Wan imagining it, or did Anakin just flinch? "I understand, Masters."

"Why did you refrain from giving us this information?" Mundi demands.

"It was easier," he confesses, "And I had no reason to think you would believe me at first."

"Why would you have questioned if we believed you?" Obi-Wan inquires – demands, really, because that doesn't make any sense. Time-travel is unheard of, but it is not unbelievable either, not with the ways of the Force and how advanced the galaxy is.

"I believed there was a reason the Force only granted me the... knowledge," he answers. He's ashamed, Obi-Wan suspects. It almost makes him regret bringing him here, but it had to be done.

There's a long moment of tense, awkward silence. "As a Jedi Knight with a padawan, you should have had better judgement," Windu says at last.

"I know," is all Anakin says in response. Something about his posture reminds Obi-Wan of something he doesn't quite place.

They let him go after that, because really, there is no more to say. The Council can't outright reprimand him for it, because the secrecy is tight, and Obi-Wan intentionally neglects mentioning that he suspects Captain Rex and Senator Amidala know – they were upset enough about how Ahsoka knew and never told them.

None of them mentions how Obi-Wan knew and never told them either, but he can feel their disapproval anyway. It's obvious that he was considering his relationship with Anakin more important than his duty, and that's an attachment, one he is not allowed to have.

Somehow, he needs to... work past it again. It hadn't been a problem until recently, and Obi-Wan honestly doesn't know what triggered it.

Anakin is waiting outside when the meeting is over – they told him to stay nearby, just in case, and Obi-Wan isn't surprised that he looks upset.

"Why now?" he demands, "Why did you tell them now? Why not before, if you were going to?"

"They had to know," Obi-Wan replies, tone clipped. He's a Jedi Master first and foremost, and with Anakin, it's always so easy to forget that, so simple to forget what they're meant to be in the galaxy. He needs to remember. "And you made it abundantly clear you would not do it yourself."

"What if I was right and they weren't meant to know?"

"That's arrogance talking," Obi-Wan admonishes, "You know better than this, Anakin. And I know that is not the full truth."

"Did you come here only to lecture me on more imagined slights?" Anakin snaps back, "Did you believe that I desired to bear this alone?"

"I know you were afraid," Obi-Wan says, stopping, turning to face him. He's not going to leave this, not here, not now, not when it almost cost them so much. "And you let that rule you."

"I have always done what you asked me," Anakin retorts, bitterly, "But when I ask you to trust me, just this once, you..."

"Our duty as Jedi comes first," he replies firmly, and Anakin flinches.

"So, this is it," he says, and Obi-Wan wonders if he's asking something more, something he won't put outright into words for some reason.

"We have always known that, haven't we?" he asks rhetorically instead. Anakin is visibly hurt, though Obi-Wan doesn't know what to do about it, what he could say to him that wouldn't be against the Code.

"What now?" he asks, "What will they do?"

"Do?" Obi-Wan repeats.

"The Council. Now that they know."

"Only the Council is to have this knowledge," Obi-Wan replies, "Do not tell your padawan more than you already have. We have no guarantee this information will not be used against us."

Anakin nods slightly, though he still looks angry, hurt. Obi-Wan wishes there was something he could do about it, but there's not – not right now, not when he needs to be acting on what they know and focusing on the war. The Council has never trusted Anakin, and that's worse now. Much worse. They don't trust Obi-Wan much either, and he'll need to somehow regain that – he's one of the lead members of the Order, and he has to focus on that. Not Anakin. Not anymore, even if he wants to.

He thinks Anakin is going to say something else. He doesn't.

**w**

Ahsoka isn't surprised when Master Kenobi shows up after training one day, asking to speak to her alone. Skyguy gives it no mind, just wanders off a bit down the hall, and she loses him in the crowd. He's been oddly distant lately. She doesn't like it. He promised it would be different.

"I'm here to ask you to keep an eye on Anakin," Master Kenobi tells her quietly, "The Council knows about the... time-travel, and they are displeased he never anything said when it happened."

"Keep an eye on him?" she repeats, "How? It's not like he would do anything against the Code." This doesn't make sense.

"In times such as these, we must make sure," her master says – she doesn't like what that sounds like.

"But," Ahsoka argues, frowning, "He's Anakin. He wouldn't do that. He's a good Jedi."

"Just tell us if something questionable happens. It's for his own good, and yours," he repeats.

It's making her feel unnerved, to say the least, but she offers a small, hesitant nod. She can't deny a command from the Council, even if it's indirect, either way. "Okay," she says, and they leave it at that.

**w**

The shame he feels every time he talks to them is overwhelming, and it's exhausting, and now, he wants nothing more than to lock himself in his room for the next few days and just... something. Sleep, maybe.

Except he has duties to attend to, and Anakin wishes there was a way to make it right, but Obi-Wan was obviously angry at him, and now, the Council will trust him less than they already do. His master was right, though; he always is – Anakin was being arrogant by not telling them, too lost in his own fears and desperation, and he hates himself more than should be possible.

He can't sleep, though. Can't anything at all. His sleep is plagued with dreams of Ahsoka calling him, of... something happening to her, though the details are always different, but the theme is the same. And he thinks it's triggered by how deeply he misses her, but he could be wrong – it feels partly real as well, though nothing has been solidified yet. He hasn't reached the point in time where she's truly in danger, but it's not far off in the future. For now, all he can do is try to help train her, try to pretend that every time he gets her into the training salle isn't another step closer to hurting her, to destroying the life that matters to her. Every time. It's... inevitable.

Now, he's too exhausted to keep fighting everything, too worn to think of going to confront Sidious, though maybe he should, because Ahsoka left him, and he wasn't worth staying with, and Obi-Wan doesn't care about him, and he wishes he could think about something other than that.

His master had said it clearly enough, that they are only what the Code allows, no more, and he had known that already after Hardeen, but he had foolishly hoped this would be different, better.

But Obi-Wan is still Obi-Wan, and he hasn't changed, not through time and space.

The most he can do is go talk to Rex, but he doesn't even have the energy to do that anymore.

He wishes he had the energy to yell at Obi-Wan like he really, really wanted to after the Council meeting, and normally, he would have, but now he just couldn't – couldn't do anything at all, not when his master had already made it obvious that Anakin isn't the Jedi he ought to be.

As if he ever has been.

He doesn't have the energy to try doing anything anymore. He hardly has enough to get himself out of bed, let alone even think about going over to see Padme. It doesn't help how he feels like he doesn't deserve to, how he almost doesn't want to, because he doesn't belong there anyway.

He's just tired of failing enough that he doesn't even want to try – something he's long feared most.

He should have guessed that Ahsoka would notice something. She knocks on his door one morning when he's just lying there, too exhausted to get up, too scared to face the padawan he knows he's going to fail – you're going to ruin her life again, why should you even try – shortly after sunrise. Likely, she's asking if they can meditate together like they normally do, even if Anakin spends most of the time brooding.

He has to be careful though, because their bond is strengthening, and Ahsoka is starting to find it overwhelming. They had that problem before, too.

He doesn't have the energy or willpower to drag himself over to the door, and instead opts for asking her as nicely as possible to let him stay here a little longer, even if he knows wallowing is unbefitting of a Jedi.

He's a Sith child anyway, so what does it matter? There is nothing good about him. It's just a lie, a façade.

It's not real.

"Are you alright, Master?" Ahsoka calls through the door.

"I'll be fine, Snips," he tries reassuring, but he doubts it. The lie rings clearly into the Force.

"What's wrong with you, Skyguy?" she asks.

"Nothing. I'm fine." He'd go out there now, except he's really not so sure he's ready to go out there and see his padawan's face again, without having a complete breakdown.

He still remembers her leaving, and he's dreaming about her. He held her body in his arms last night. She was bleeding out, maybe not fatally, but there was blood everywhere and Force, it reminded him so much of his mother and...

He hears her make a few more disbelieving snarky comments before her footsteps fade away, and Anakin closes his eyes again, trying to sleep. He doesn't know why he bothered. He can't.

He should've expected Obi-Wan to show up. He should have a lot of things, it seems, but he's incapable of doing anything properly anymore. Obi-Wan, of course, invites himself inside without bothering to ask. They often do that – they've lived with each other long enough to not feel like they need that sense of privacy, and if Anakin is being honest, he has never felt that anyway. Tatooine didn't have it, and he doesn't entirely know what it means.

"Anakin, are you alright?" he inquires.

Of course, the first thing Ahsoka did was go tell Obi-Wan. He's not sure why he's so surprised about that. "I am fine." No, he's not, he just wants to curl up in a ball and cry and forget the rest of the world exists, and he can't even say why he feels like this. But it's not as if he'd ever admit it, because there's clearly something wrong with him and...

"Are you sick?" Obi-Wan asks, "Ahsoka said you might be."

"She's a tattle," Anakin grouses, rolling over, "And I am not sick."

"Really," Obi-Wan deadpans.

"An hour, and you already came halfway across the Temple to lecture me about being lazy," Anakin snaps. He hates how every time they talk to each other, it ends with him being hurt. Obi-Wan either doesn't notice or doesn't care. He slaps Obi-Wan's hand away when he tries to touch him, not caring that it probably hurt. He doesn't understand this nastiness he's feeling.

He very, very rarely feels the urge to hurt someone, or rather to not be kind to someone, but he feels like that now, and he can't make it go away like he wants to. It feels like something inside him is broken, and he can't admit that, because the Council will be even more upset if they realize he's failing. That he's... not capable of doing what they keep asking of him.

He wishes he could go to someone about it though, but it's not as if he can burden Padme like that and he can't go drop his pieces in front of Rex, his captain (his slave) and say, "I'm broken, now can you please help me put this back together?"

"I see you awoke on the darker side of the sun this morning," Obi-Wan huffs, sitting down next to him. He's close, way too close, and Anakin can't say why that bothers him so much right now. He hasn't thought about Hardeen much in a long time, but it's not as if he could ever stop, if he's being fair – he will never forget what Obi-Wan did to him there. He couldn't.

"What do you want?" Anakin snaps.

"Forgive me for being concerned about you," he says sarcastically.

"You're lingering," Anakin snaps, "You know I don't like when you do that."

"Why must you always act as though I am trying to hurt you?" he grumbles, "You know I'm not."

"I don't know what you're doing here," Anakin repeats. He turns away, burying his face in his pillow more to hide his tears than anything else. He doesn't want to talk to Obi-Wan, or anyone, right now. And talking to his master hurts even more, because every word is like a knife to his heart, deep and cutting, a reminder that what they had was fake. It wasn't real.

So why did it feel like it was?

Why does it still?

Why does Anakin still love him so much?

He almost jumps when Obi-Wan reaches out, laying a gentle hand on his back. He doesn't dare talk, because he really doesn't want to explain what's wrong. Doesn't even know how to. He doesn't even know what's wrong.

Maybe he is crazy or broken or something. He wouldn't be surprised if something broke irreparably in him when Sidious told him... everything.

"You don't have to do anything today," Obi-Wan says after a pause. His touch is driving Anakin crazy – he's missed this, but he doesn't feel much comfortable asking for it anymore.

"Of course, I do," he replies almost indignantly, "There is always – so much to do."

"If you are sick–" he begins.

"I am not sick!" Anakin snarls. "I am perfectly fine." He hates the distance between them, but there's nothing he can do about it – nothing he can ever do about it, except lay here.

"You are not," Obi-Wan replies firmly.

"Stop doing this," Anakin snaps, "You have other things to do. You do not – stop pretending." He pushes himself upright, uncaring if Obi-Wan can clearly tell he's crying. He's too angry to care, too angry for it to mater – he trusted Obi-Wan to protect him, to take care of him, even if he never needed that, but, "Stop pretending when you know I want to believe it – I know this isn't real."

Something in Obi-Wan's expression tightens slightly, and Anakin glares at him, as if that would be enough to make him stop because it's pointless – when Obi-Wan is like this, he never stops. "Anakin," he says, "You know I didn't say that to hurt you."

No, but it still feels like he did, and Anakin just wishes he'd be able to feel normal and see past what he has been for the first time in months, and he has no idea what's wrong with him. Wait, yes, he does – he's a Sith's child. That's all. "It doesn't matter why you did or didn't. Your point is clear," Anakin snaps, stalking towards the door.

Obi-Wan moves faster, always a step ahead of him, gripping Anakin's forearm. "Wait," he orders, a commanding note in his voice, "Anakin. Listen to me."

"All I ever do is listen to you!"

"Stay here," Obi-Wan not-quite-orders, "I'll stay with you."

Leave time or no, they still have too much to do, and he doesn't understand why Obi-Wan is deciding to act like this now, because it seems far too cruel for him to be intentionally rubbing it in Anakin's face that they aren't what he wanted them to be.

He doesn't have the energy to argue that though.

Whatever this is, it's been coming and going in phases since Ahsoka left, but it's never really gone away, and it's just in one of its worse weeks now, though it feels like it'll never get better.

He feels small and just, unbearably stupid, when he finally slumps onto the couch, wiping his eyes off on his sleeve, willing himself to stop crying over something so stupid and childish and pointless.

As if that ever really works?

Obi-Wan sits down next to him, wrapping his arms around him.

The sheer unexpectedness of it throws him off, but he leans into it anyway, clinging to his master.

This doesn't make any more sense than the rest of their relationship does. He has no idea why Obi-Wan is choosing to show this now after he already made the point that he really doesn't feel it.

He presses his face to Obi-Wan's shoulder, letting himself just feel, feel this and the rough but soft fabric his master is wearing.

"Why do you dislike speaking with the Council so much?" Obi-Wan asks finally.

How in the galaxy is he supposed to answer that? "Why do you ask?" he demands.

"I saw how uncomfortable you were there. What happened?"

"It has always been that way," Anakin answers quietly, "I don't – I don't know." He does, but he doesn't know how to explain that. Everything in his life stems from what happened as a child, and he's never been able to move on. He can't admit that, of course.

"I always feel – as if I am trapped in the past," he explains quietly, "On Tatooine."

"You are not a slave any longer, Anakin. You know that."

"It never stops feeling as though I am," he says softly. When he was younger, he thought he would finally accept it, understand it, but now, he's come to accept that he never will. He'll never really understand what it means to be free, because he spent his time as a Jedi doing the same things he did on Tatooine – kept trying to gain his master's approval and acceptance.

For a long moment, neither of them speaks, and Anakin thinks he can just take this in silence, maybe, just accept this moment as the closest to comfort he'll ever get from Obi-Wan. "I do not understand why," he says at last.

"It doesn't matter," Anakin replies, because it doesn't really, or at least it shouldn't. Not to Obi-Wan. Not to his master, who has so many more important things to be doing.

They just sit there a little longer, and Anakin is grateful Obi-Wan doesn't move away. He wants this. He could almost pretend that he was wrong, that Obi-Wan didn't say everything he had, that they aren't... where they are when they're like this, but he doesn't, because it'll make coming back to himself hurt even worse.

"Ahsoka seemed quite concerned about you," Obi-Wan comments.

"She is always concerned about me," Anakin answers dryly. And she was, frequently at least, but it never upset him the way it did with Obi-Wan. Everything was different about Ahsoka that way. She should never have been forced to live in a war like this, and he wishes he'd be able to spare his padawan what he knows she will inevitably experience. He can't protect her from everything. Not even lightsaber training can do that. That is never enough to make you forget seeing the horrors of war. Things that never fazed him upset her to no end.

"With good reason," Obi-Wan replies, "If there was nothing to worry about, Dooku would never have succeeded in capturing you."

Anakin snorts. "As if you're one to talk, Master. The number of times I have had to save you is ridiculous."

Obi-Wan huffs, visibly annoyed, gently shoving him back and standing. "Contrary to your belief, I did not require your assistance on Cato Neimoidia. The situation was perfectly well-handled."

"I know; you cut my arm open as gratitude," Anakin throws back.

Obi-Wan rolls his eyes. Anakin nearly cracks up at seeing it. "You burned your own arm open on my lightsaber and you know it, Anakin."

"The point stands," he insists stubbornly.

"Right," his master says skeptically, patting his shoulder. "The Council meeting will be held later, but unless there is an emergency, I have time to stay."

His heart does a strange sort of leap. "And you'd stay here if you have time?"

"Would you rather me be elsewhere?" he asks.

It's taken a ridiculously long time to dawn on Anakin that Obi-Wan came here, is spending time here in the first place in an effort to make up for the damage he caused to them. Obi-Wan is doing this for them, and Anakin really doesn't know how to react to it. He will, no doubt, only use it again later, but now, Anakin thinks he'll take it as it is.

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