Chapter 26 – Complications
Author's Note: No, I am not sorry for the cliffhangar. :')
~ Rivana Rita
Of course, Gunray decided to blame the Jedi for Grievous dragging him through the cruiser. He's using this whole ordeal to make the Jedi look bad, which Obi-Wan isn't surprised about in the least. What he is, however, surprised about is the completely outlandish claim that Anakin is working with Dooku, which under any other circumstances, Obi-Wan would have outright laughed about. It is, if he's being honest, amusing.
At least it would have been, if Master Mundi didn't have the audacity to point out that despite the sheer absurdity of the claim, there is a small amount of support. Namely, that the last time Anakin was captured by Dooku, he hadn't been... well, he wasn't injured.
And everyone knows of the sheer brutality of the Separatists. Everyone knows the horrors they inflict on prisoners of war, and Obi-Wan has to admit that it is... surprising that Dooku didn't... begin immediately. Anakin is a Jedi Knight, and he works closely with the Council. Everyone knows that, too.
"He is trying to turn us against each other," Obi-Wan points out.
"I believe there may be some measure of truth to it," Master Windu says, and all eyes immediately turn to him.
"Even if Dooku had an insider among us," Master Plo objects, "He would never allow it to be outed." It's the fastest comeback, and Obi-Wan is grateful for it because Windu's accusation was enough to make his mind momentarily freeze up.
"I trust him," Obi-Wan replies firmly. "Anakin would never betray us. He may struggle with our ways, but he values loyalty above all."
"The point remains," the other Master maintains stubbornly, "He may be a threat in the future. He is much like Dooku himself in his younger days."
Obi-Wan resists the urge to continue arguing. It... is true that Anakin has recently had a tendency to go into everything on his own instead of following the Council, but he has always struggled with rules, even if he never outright breaks them. He'll bend them as far as he can to see how much he can get away with.
He'll never ask for exceptions, though. Never.
Nothing with Anakin has been easy as of late, not since the time travel. Obi-Wan knows their relationship is different, but so much time has passed, and he doesn't know where they stood in Anakin's point in the future. There are many things that clearly went down between them, seeing how distant Anakin is.
It's unusual. Anakin has always spoken of his emotions, far more than a Jedi should, and Obi-Wan always tried to get him to... be mindful of that. He didn't realize how necessary it was until recently. Without that, it feels like he's stumbling blindly again, the same way he was at first, when he had no idea how to treat a padawan, let alone one from a background like Anakin.
But Obi-Wan can't entirely ignore the voice whispering in his mind, wondering if despite all the reasons the claim is obviously entirely false, there might be... something wrong. There is clearly something wrong, because he knows Anakin is hiding something. His padawan has always been easy to read, at least to Obi-Wan. To others, he's good at closing himself off, but Obi-Wan raised him. He can tell when something is amiss, and he can tell that right now.
It's not just... amiss. It's that he's scared. He's afraid of something, and Obi-Wan has no idea what.
Obi-Wan himself is... unsure of what to do. He still remembers what Anakin told him about himself and Ahsoka, and he has no idea how to... handle that. They need to talk again. He needs to ask Anakin what he meant when he said that he was hurting Ahsoka. That, Anakin seemed quite certain of, even if he didn't want to explain.
It seems so outlandish, but Anakin had been upset about it, and...
The "you always kept me away, you never wanted me" has been repeating in his mind since he heard it, and he has no idea how to fix this.
If it's fixable. It's easier to not worry about it, to continue focusing on their duty, because that's what matters most.
It always does. They're Jedi. It's just... when it comes to Anakin, it feels like he burns the world away, until nothing matters except for him.
He wants to talk to Anakin. He just has no idea how to, seeing how his once-padawan was obviously hurt by something, and he genuinely doesn't know if it's something he can answer about. He doesn't know this Anakin anymore, and he can only wish for a time where they're not so occupied with the war, where they can...
Be together.
But that will never happen, because they're Jedi, and they have a Code to follow, and he cannot encourage his attachment to Anakin for the sake of both them and the galaxy. Right now, it's too strong, too easy, but the thought of not having Anakin with him, constantly at his side is...
It's terrifying. He can only be grateful he doesn't have to worry about that, or ever will, because Anakin is loyal. He always has been, and he won't go anywhere.
**w**
Anakin knew Sidious was planning something. He was expecting it, waiting for it, counting on it. Sidious warned him of it, and he knows this won't be all of it, and that the worst is yet to come, and all he can do is... be ready.
Trying to arrange Ahsoka's training helps.
He's distracted with it all day, and he goes to have a long talk with Rex who remembers it well enough, and he finds himself again marveling at how grounding Rex's presence always is. He wishes he could spend more time with the clones. Wishes he could do anything to keep them from living the life they've been forced to. He can see so much of himself in them sometimes, that constant, oppressive knowledge that they'll never have anything beyond what they've been given, and that it's been such an intricate part of their lives they've stopped trying to see past it. Anakin has, too. Why should he, when he knows he'll never find a way beyond... everything?
It's not that he's stopped fighting. It's just that he... has accepted where he is, and that he can still do his best to help people even when he's... where he is now. He doesn't resent it as he once might have. Besides, this is different. It's his choice to stay here.
Of course, Obi-Wan comes to talk to him again. Anakin isn't surprised about that, either. He only wishes it wasn't so soon because his guilt is drowning him.
At first, it doesn't seem like Obi-Wan intends to mention what they discussed. He is upset, though, and Anakin can feel it. He's always drowning in shame, and now is no different. He should never have said that – why does he keep doing this? Obi-Wan isn't being overly antagonistic or anything. It's just. Something is wrong with Anakin.
Quite the something, though – he knows what, and he wishes there was a way to be rid of it. Instead, all he can see in in his mind is Ahsoka disappearing down the Temple steps into the sunset, and wonders if she knew all along what was wrong. Wondering... if this Ahsoka will leave him too. It feels more as though he's waiting for it, though. Waiting for and fearing the time that this will end in disaster, that he'll do something too far to change, and that... he'll lose Obi-Wan and Padme, too.
He knows he himself could die any time, though he doubts it would happen. He couldn't die before. But Rex and Obi-Wan and Ahsoka could die any moment, too, and... there'd be nothing left for him.
Sometimes, he thinks all he's capable of feeling is the shame curling inside him. "I didn't mean to say... that," Anakin says finally, "What I told you. I know you do your best and... I should never have doubted that. I believe I... occasionally forget masters have a different role than parents."
"But you believed it," Obi-Wan replies. Obi-Wan never gives him an I forgive you but he never presses it further, at least not most of the time. Not like now.
"I was not in my right mind," Anakin says quietly. "I shouldn't have..."
"But you did," he objects, "I am aware I occasionally made you... upset, but you know I was trying to help you."
"Of course, I did," he says, almost miserably. The thought of returning to hide in his bedroom is suddenly awfully appealing. "I understand. With Ahsoka, I – sometimes... we argued. I understand how the... choices you made were not the easiest ones."
Of course, they weren't because Obi-Wan is too good to willingly hurt him. He would never. He could never... He had the patience to raise and train and care for Anakin when no one else did. He stayed even when he knew how much of a failure Anakin was. That – all of that – is something Anakin will never forget, no matter what goes down between them.
"I thought we could put it behind us."
"I want to forget," Anakin tells him, honestly, "But I can't." I always feel trapped, frozen, unable to find a way out. But you would have helped me if you could. It's not your fault there's something wrong with me. "I just don't want Ahsoka to feel like I always did," he admits at last.
"How?" he queries.
Predictably, Anakin freezes up then – he doesn't know how he could ever explain that, especially when his master has already made it abundantly clear that he's only doing this because he's kind, not because he... cares. He said that. He made a point of it in the future when Anakin had started getting... too comfortable with him.
The only thing that kept Anakin grounded them was Ahsoka. She made everything so easy, even if it was so hard and stressful, and he was constantly afraid, but she was skilled enough to... take care of herself.
"If you have trained her well, she shall take care of herself, and find her way back."
"Useless," Anakin answers finally, because for as blunt as it is, it's the only way he can think of explaining it. He's never been tactful anyway.
"Useless," Obi-Wan echoes incredulously. "How could any of what we did make you feel useless?"
He says it like it's the stupidest thing he has ever heard, and it probably is. "Maybe it wasn't always you." It wasn't, but Anakin has no idea how to... explain that.
"And I have I told you to stop trying to prove yourself many times," he adds as an afterthought.
Except what Obi-Wan doesn't understand and never will is that if he stops trying, he'll be worth nothing – he'll be nothing. All that mattered, all that he's earned in his life has been from trying, from how he's only still alive because he's always trying, always fighting. He could never give up – he will never, he can't.
To give up would be worse than death. Worse than anything. Keep fighting is the only thing he's ever had, the thing that kept him alive on Tatooine. Everything leads back to Tatooine. Idly, he has to wonder if Kitster is still out there somewhere, still fighting. Because whether it's the burning suns on his skin or the sharp, cutting of a whip or the burning of electricity or the humiliation of not being a person, just property, someone's to use and play with and throw out if they want, expendable or the womp rats that prowl, the only choice of life is to fight. Even if you fall and are drowning in blood, all you can do is get back up and keep fighting.
That is something Obi-Wan will never know.
It's something Anakin hopes Ahsoka will never, never have to experience. He'll burn Zygerria to the ground if he has to, if it means keeping Ahsoka away from that nightmare.
But if he were a true Jedi, if he were anything at all, he would have let it go like his master is telling him to. So instead of arguing, protesting that he can't do that, he just nods and takes it as he always has.
And tries to ignore the beyond unsettling feeling he has when Obi-Wan walks away that he won't see him again for a while. He doesn't know, but in war, anything can happen, so he ingrains it into his mind – as if he would even need that, because for him, Obi-Wan is always everywhere – forever.
Just in case.
**w**
It's later in the evening that Anakin finally manages to get Rex, Ahsoka, and a few of the 501st boys that offered to help over to their cruiser, to where they once did this. Walking the halls sends a sharp stab of pain through his heart as he remembers what it was like before. It's another horrible sensation of déjà vu, and it makes him miss... everyone.
But it's as his mother taught him as a child, and the first lesson he learned as a Jedi, get back up, always get back up, the Force will guide you.
Ahsoka, of course, shows up right when he expected. "You're right on time," he can't help quipping, ignoring how this is probably the strongest moment of déjà vu he's had since time travelling. He's needed to do this for a long time now. He did get Obi-Wan's... permission first, but it still feels like he's breaking rules somehow, simply by admitting to Ahsoka that the Jedi's way of doing this isn't exactly the best.
"I thought I was late," she responds, looking almost relieved.
"That's what I mean," he replies teasingly, and Ahsoka huffs. It's been an inside joke between them, always, something he had with Obi-Wan that they shared with Ahsoka. Some of Anakin's... actually, probably most of Anakin's not-so-good qualities got passed on to Ahsoka, and his... lateness problem is definitely one of them. He truthfully doesn't understand why it is one. He can't focus unless he's stressed, most of the time.
When they enter, he has to suppress the sudden urge to hug her, because he can't soften this. She needs to be ready for war, for battle, and that is not something he'll constantly be with her through. It had been hard to do it last time, and it's almost harder to do it now, since he's already so attached to her, but he knows... just like Obi-Wan did with him, that it's what has to be done.
And he has always done what needed to be.
He knows the dangers of having no order or justice – he lived in it, was made from it. He won't let anyone else have to live that life if he has a choice.
It's still a bit jarring to see how easily they take down Ahsoka – last time he saw her fighting was when he was chasing her, and she was doing so well.
This is such a far cry from that. It's back to where they started, and it still makes Anakin feel like everything he did for her was pointless, even if it's not. He has to believe it'll help.
Anakin can't stop himself from going over to Ahsoka when she's stunned, and Rex is hovering behind him. Something changed between them after Anakin nearly brought back his own Rex. There's a different... level of unspoken closeness that feels more spoken than it did in the past.
"This will help," Anakin murmurs, as if he's trying to reassure himself of something he's not entirely certain about. He's not, if he's being honest. He thought so, but he doesn't believe in himself anymore. That was entirely shattered.
"Yes, it will," Rex assures. He understands, somehow. Anakin couldn't be more grateful for it.
Anakin shakes Ahsoka awake when she starts stirring, helping her stand unsteadily. This is... hard, but he knows he can't let it up for as much as he wants to. If she doesn't learn to work to and beyond the point of exhaustion, she'll never know how to fight a battle.
The most he can do is tell her so, and he does. "Try again," he instructs, steadying her, "In real battles, it never slows down. All we can do is keep fighting."
They go at it a few more times. No more than a few, because they're short on time right now, and they'll have to return to the Temple soon enough. But now, Anakin can just... enjoy spending time here with them.
And after, in the last bits of time they have, they just... are. Ahsoka is exhausted, and Anakin doesn't think twice when she curls up next to him. He's used to it, and he winds an arm around her shoulders, pulling her tightly against him.
For one fleeting moment, Anakin thinks that this – this is okay. Everything will be okay. Ahsoka is here, and nothing will take her from him again. The Force will protect them. It will keep them together. Right?
And for the first time since he came back here, Anakin thinks he can love her for what she is, not for the person he knew. This is difficult, and again, they're trying to maneuver it while having no idea what they're doing, but that's never been enough to slow them down, has it? No, this isn't his Ahsoka anymore, but it's still Ahsoka, and he will never love her any less for it.
She's still his little Snips, his star, his everything.
And for one fleeting moment, Anakin finds himself thinking that not even Sidious could take her for him, no matter what he tried. He can only study her markings, marveling at how much they'd grown in two and a half years from now, marveling at how the Force gifted him with someone so... good and pure and light.
But the moment is over soon enough, and they have to go back to the Temple. For what's the first time in a long time, maybe ever, Anakin finally lets himself give into the urge to give Rex a goodbye-hug just... because.
It felt like he should.
"Thank you for everything," he tells the clone quietly.
No words would be enough to thank Rex for his blind loyalty, but that doesn't stop Anakin from trying. He knows how it feels to always question how important he is to others, and he'll always – always ensure everyone knows how much they mean to him. To deny them that is cruel.
"Of course, sir," Rex replies. He doesn't think anything of it – the clones never do. Anakin couldn't be more thankful for that than he is, but it still feels like he's... using it sometimes. He hates himself for that, but what doesn't he hate himself for anymore?
But the clones being unofficial slaves of the Republic was not Anakin's choice, nor is it something he can take action against.
It does make him question why no one else is, though. Why are the Jedi standing for it? Yes, the war must be fought, but... the war itself was destroying the Jedi and Republic in the future, and he has little doubt it'll do the same if he lets it drag on much longer.
He doesn't think it will, though. It's a strange sort of... instinctive knowledge that he feels deep within himself, that this violence won't last much longer.
Nor does he know why, when he leaves the cruiser and leaves Rex and the 501st behind, it feels like it's the last he'll be seeing of them in... a while.
**w**
Padme doesn't entirely understand why she doesn't have a good feeling about the mission the Chancellor just sent her on. It's another one of the many things she's had to attend to throughout the war, but she has a... bad feeling about this one.
Anakin has told her it's a warning from the Force when she feels like this, but of course, this, like everything else, is something that needs to be done.
She doesn't shrink from responsibility. She's doing what she needs to be. The mission on the planet itself is fine, but not so much when she's on her way back. A Separatist attack ship emerges from hyperspace right as she's taking off.
Predictably, they spot her as she's trying to make it past them for the hyperspace lane. She barely gets a message out to Coruscant before the transmissions are jammed. If the Separatists are attacking the planet, at least the Jedi will have a warning. Anakin, no doubt, will come. He'll drop everything if he has to.
He always does when it comes to her.
He'll be coming now, she knows, but she can't afford to wait for him.
Padme doesn't like taking security guards with her everywhere, because she knows it intimidates people, but this once, she's grateful Captain Typho insisted on coming himself – they could use the help. Especially when they get caught by a tractor beam.
She's never been captured by Separatist forces before. As a Senator, it shouldn't happen, and she doesn't entirely count the time on Rodia when she arrested Gunray. It was easy to get out of it, and she was... fortunate there.
This is entirely different, because they're in space, and Padme is not entirely familiar with this. It's Anakin's specialty, not her own.
Why the Separatists chose to pull her ship aboard, she doesn't entirely know, but instincts tell her there's something more... sinister going on.
Perhaps this is simply... revenge for her arresting Gunray, even though he already escaped?
"If we put the ship on self-destruct, it will destroy the droids that enter," she tells the others.
"Then we will have no way of getting off," Captain Typho objects.
"We can't wait here," she points out.
"If we try anything, it will put you more in danger," he argues, "The Republic will come here soon."
"It could take hours for them to arrive," she reminds, "We don't have hours." They need to move, and they have to do it now.
They don't get farther than the hangar, anyway, even if the exploding ship causes a good diversion. Something is... wrong, and she can feel it in some unidentifiable instinct. It's the Force, Anakin told her. It speaks to everyone.
A dark-robed, hooded figure approaches her. Something about the way he's moving looks... familiar, though she can't say how. She knows this person from somewhere.
They're someone... important. She can only hope Anakin will get here soon, because she has a very, very bad feeling she knows exactly who this person is.
**w**
He has to grip the holotable to steady himself. Sidious had warned him that he would... do something, but Anakin never, ever anticipated he would go after Padme. He... wouldn't hurt her though, would he? Anakin doesn't know that, but either way, what Sidious wants is obvious enough. Anakin will have to go there himself to deal with it.
He's played this game long enough. No matter what the stakes are, it's time he ends it. How will depend on what happens when he confronts Sidious, because there simply is no way around a confrontation.
Not when the Sith is threatening his wife.
"I will go," Anakin volunteers instantly. He feels Obi-Wan's eyes on him, but he doesn't care. It doesn't matter. Making sure Padme is safe matters far more than whatever his master thinks about him right now.
"Very well," Master Windu agrees.
And it's decided. The 501st gather instantly – they're always prepared to be sent on a moment's notice, and Anakin only takes out one cruiser right away. He doesn't need more than that, after all. Sidious is out for Anakin, not... not his clones.
Hopefully.
He doesn't know anymore. All he does know without a doubt is that the Sith will regret threatening his family.
Is it a trap? Obviously. Does he care? No. Should he? Maybe. But he's not going to stand by and let this happen.
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