this is my true first chapter of my first ever 'Shugo Chara' fanfiction. it is roughly over a thousand words long, give or take a comment from yours truly disguised as an author's note hidden within the storyline of the chapter. I honestly don't know how many words this chapter has to it, but I can tell my readers this much; this first real chapter won't be too long on Wattpad. this will be the first ever chapter I ever send to Wattpad. it will also be the only chapter I can send to Wattpad until I have a second chapter figured out along the way. anyway, after my exact word count on this exact chapter, minus the comments from yours truly disguised as author's notes, I figured out the exact word count of this chapter's storyline, and it is one-thousand-five-hundred-forty-six words worth of total storyline long. it's a word count that doesn't include this headnote, right here, the disclaimer that makes up the paragraph following this headnote, hey, it doesn't even include the comments from me hidden within the storyline of the chapter that I have labeled as author's notes. well, sometimes they really are author's notes, and sometimes they're just comments I make to myself about my own writing. anyway, enough jawing about. time to get on with the disclaimer.

disclamation: I don't own either 'Shugo Chara' or 'The Ugly Truth'. I simply got inspired to write this fanfiction after watching not just one, but two trailer parodies of 'The Ugly Truth' featuring the characters of the anime, 'Shugo Chara'. of course, I'm pretty sure that everyone remembers who the leads were in said trailers. anyway, 'Shugo Chara' is owned specifically by a duo of girl manga authors with the names of Banri Sendo and Shibuko Ebara, better known for their shared nickname of Peach-Pit. 'The Ugly Truth' was directed by Robert Luketic and was written by a trio of writers made up by three women with the names of Nicole Eastman, Karen McCullah Lutz, and Kirsten M. Smith. I apologize in advance for any of the scatological profanities from 'The Ugly Truth' that get mentioned in this fanfiction about a children's anime like 'Shugo Chara'. arigato. danke. obrigado. grazie. merci. gracias. xiè xiè. sukiyaria. mahalo. yes, I know how to say 'thank you' in several kinds of international dialects. what can I say? I'm a linguistics geek.

The day began just as any other did for Amu Hinamori, except for the fact that she was still having a ton of trouble rallying everyone in her office by the time she had even made it there. She still remembered the start of her day when she left home, as well. She remembered it so clearly, in fact, that she could easily flash back to the of her day upon leaving her house.

Amu was on her way out the door of her house. Granted, she was also talking to her network executives on her phone on her way out the door. But she had to get on their cases about the whole thing, anyway. As she was just locking her front door, Amu started conversing with her executives on her cell phone.

Amu Hinamori: Are you alert?

A/N: everything that Amu's executives say to her over the phone can just be left up to the readers' imagination, by the way.

Amu Hinamori (continued): OK, well tell them… No.

As soon as she locked her front door, Amu started walking down the path to her electric, self-driving car and opened the car door.

A/N: for anyone who's wondering, yes. an electric, self-driving car would be my dream car. it would take over the driving for me and I would never need to learn to drive. it would also have to accept even cassette tapes and obviously CDs into its dashboard and not be limited to just that of iPods, especially since I don't even believe in iPods.

Amu Hinamori (continued): I'll be there in about fifteen minutes, so just stop arguing, will you?_ OK, thanks. Bye.

Amu had already made her way down to her electric, self-driving car and made it to her office at the Tokyo news station just in time to stop all of the warring between her people at said news station.

When she finally made it to her work office at the local Tokyo news station, Amu was still herself and tried her hardest to be in control of everything at said station. She greeted the head receptionist at the front desk of the office with a smile on her face.

Amu Hinamori: Ohaiyo, Kenji.

Kenji Ishinabe: Ohaiyo, Amu. You look awfully pretty today.

Kenji Ishinabe had been with the network since he was straight out of high school. His job at the network had actually started out as a job he took for college money. It turned out he was very good at greeting people. And when he made his salary at ¥nine-thousand-nine hundred a month, he no longer had the motivation to go to college when he got a high-paying job at the TV station, already.

A/N: for those of you who are wondering what that would equal to in United States dollars, it'd be $sixty-six-point-thirty-four, which in turn would equal to sixty-six dollars and thirty-four cents. I don't know how pleasing a salary it would be to anyone else, but I could use a salary like that, especially on my Wattpad account.

As of late for the poor guy, however, Kenji was not getting the same kind of salary anymore. It was all because his employers could no longer afford to give him such a salary with everyone disagreeing with one another about everything in their entire workplace about everything under the sun. Amu, herself, knew it was the real reason why Kenji had complimented her looks in the first place.

Amu Hinamori: Oh, is it that bad in there?

Then, Amu's closest friend at the news station, Senna Hanazono, joined her friend upon her entry into the TV station.

Senna Hanazono: Ohaiyo Gozaimasu.

Amu Hinamori: Ohaiyo Gozaimasu.

Senna Hanazono: We got problems.

Amu wanted nothing more with her friend than to reassure Senna and tell her how wrong she was.

Amu Hinamori: There are no problems, Senna. There are only solutions.

Of course, Senna actually did have a problem to tell her friend, Amu, about.

Senna Hanazono: The traffic camera's down, and we have no B-roll for our traffic segment.

Needless to say, Amu already saw the problem in exactly what Senna had described to her friend.

Amu Hinamori: That is a problem.

Senna Hanazono: Yeah.

Suddenly, Amu found herself struck with an idea.

Amu Hinamori: Call Sora at the Media Lab. She's got some Skycams and she owes me.

With that order from her friend, the producer, Senna wrote down what Amu wanted her to do about their problem and from whom Senna was to get the tool for the solution. Next, it was time for Amu to focus on her new(er) issue at the time.

Amu Hinamori (continued): Where are all of my weathermen?

Senna Hanazono: Right here.

It was very true. The two were just then walking right up to Amu's strangely obese collection of weathermen for her news station.

Amu Hinamori: Ohaiyo, everyone. Arigato, guys, for all of you coming. You all look great. Arigato for being here. Good.

As much as she could always count on them all, Amu did not think of even one of them as dating material. Senna noticed her friend's feelings about being around her own weathermen.

Senna Hanazono: Just to clarify your opinion about them, is there a reason that they're all overweight?

Of course, Amu knew exactly why she only ever recruited obese men to join her collection of weathermen. But at the time, she supposed she just needed to explain her reason to Senna.

Amu Hinamori: Well, while none of them would be my type as boyfriend material, my research has shown me that people are more willing to forgive a fat guy than they are to forgive one in great shape.

Senna Hanazono: That definitely explains their builds.

It was then that the head news anchorman, Hikaru Ichinomiya, suddenly walked up to Amu with an uncharacteristic sense of worry in his eyes.

Hikaru Ichinomiya: Hinamori-san, you know very well that I hate to do this to you, but I don't think I can work with my Rikka anymore. It's bad enough that I have to take her criticism in our new home. I can hardly do it when we're on the air. A young man can only endure so much.

Amu stopped to talk to her old friend, Hikaru, about everything he had to endure from his friend, Rikka, and her criticisms towards him.

Amu Hinamori: Hikaru, you are not a young man, you are the youngest newsman in the history of newsmen. And newsmen are not defined by their easiest times, they're defined by some of the hardest times in their lives. Can you imagine other newsmen working with their potential girlfriends as co-anchors?

Hikaru tried to answer Amu's question to him, but she answered it for him anyway.

Amu Hinamori (continued): NO! Because they couldn't handle it. But, you. You, Hikaru, my friend, have a sense of tolerance the size of a Toyota Lexus. Don't you ever think I never noticed.

Hikaru suddenly saw everything that Amu was talking about with both the working relationship and the romantic friendship between himself and Rikka Hiiragi.

Hikaru Ichinomiya: Well, I've only thought about my sense of tolerance as blue lately, but you are correct, Hinamori-san. It's pretty sizable, though not disproportionately sizable. In fact, I like to think of my tolerance for others as aesthetically pleasurable.

When Hikaru finally seemed able to get Amu's message, the woman in question took it as her cue to leave for her office though not before offering her friend, Hikaru, some final words to back up her encouragement for him to continue his work with Rikka.

Amu Hinamori: Yeah, I think I've made my point.

Afterwards, Amu finally got the chance to make it to her office where, as per usual, Rima Mashiro, the comedy-and-celebrity-gossip-loving reporter was once again arguing with both Kukai Souma, the sports reporter for the news station, and Nagihiko Fujisaki, the quirky fashion reporter who would often dress as a girl under the alias of Nadeshiko Fujisaki, his imaginary identical twin sister from his grade school days, about exactly what needed to be put on the news for the day.

Rima Mashiro: Are you kidding me, right now? Kukai, nobody in Tokyo gives a hoot about the extreme jacks tournament. And you, Nagihiko, you think you're any better? Transvestites are freaks, and people raised as the opposite gender stopped being newsworthy ages ago.

Naturally, neither Kukai nor Nagihiko were willing to take any of Rima's news about comedy roasts and celebrity gossip in return for the two of them being denied their favorite types of news being the center of the newscast for the day.

Kukai Souma: Oh, I suppose your comedy routines and celebrity gossip are of vital importance?

Nagihiko/Nadeshiko Fujisaki: Face it, Rima. You're only trying to deny us the news we wanna have on today's newscast to make room for your precious comedy roasts and celebs in rehab.

Rima just groaned at the two friends in annoyance.

Rima Mashiro: You know, you two, the sounds like your voices make_

As Rima continued arguing with Kukai and Nagihiko about what to put on the news for the day, Rikka walked in being tailed by another member of the news crew; Taichi Takemoto, the chef, to be exact. Rikka happened to have a complaint or two to give to Amu about Taichi's cooking.

Rikka Hiiragi: OK. He is trying to kill me. This guy, right here, he knows I can't eat crab.

Of course, Taichi had a defense against Rikka having eaten the wrong thing.

Taichi Takemoto: It's Crab Rangoon. Who doesn't eat Crab Rangoon?

Rikka felt around her neck area, and she felt a bump of a sort covering a fragment of her throat.

Rikka Hiiragi: Oh, my God. Does anybody see this? Is that a hive on my neck?

Kukai and Nagihiko were quite unsure about whatever Hikaru's co-anchor girlfriend was talking about with her neck.

Kukai Souma: I don't know, but it looks kinda like syphilis to me. Does it look like syphilis to you, Nagihiko?

Nagihiko/Nadeshiko Fujisaki: Dude, I barely even know what syphilis looks like at all.

Rima was not pleased with her co-workers' ignorance.

Rima Mashiro: You know what, you two? You wouldn't even know what syphilis looks like if it weren't for my stories on hot celebutante STDs.

As everyone continued to argue, Amu only took out her company whistle and blew right into it, very loudly, too, effectively getting everyone to shut up their arguing.