welcome to chapter five, where the precipice of the chapter's words actually begins to match the 'M' for 'Mature-readers-only' rating of this exact fanfiction, my first ever 'Shugo Chara' fanfiction, that is. this chapter is a good two-thousand-one-hundred-ninety-three words worth of storyline long. this chapter is also the beginning of the true storyline of what this entire fanfiction will be in the end. the two-thousand-one-hundred-ninety-three words of this very chapter of the fanfiction exclude this headnote, right here and the (mandatory) disclaimer that follows after said headnote. the storyline of this chapter also excludes both of the author's notes/comments from yours truly hidden within said storyline.

disclamation: I don't own 'Shugo Chara' or 'The Ugly Truth' in any way, shape, or form. I am but a humble fanfiction blogger on both FanFiction and Wattpad. I have an account with Wattpad that I keep meaning to edit my own username. the same goes for my usernames on both YouTube and on DeviantArt. why do I keep forgetting to edit my own usernames. anyway, 'Shugo Chara' is owned by the duo of manga artists known in their home country as Peach Pit, AKA Banri Sendo and Shibuko Ebara. Meanwhile, 'The Ugly Truth' was directed in 2009 by Robert Luketic and was written by a trio of writers made up by three women with the names of Nicole Eastman, Karen McCullah Lutz, and Kirsten M. Smith.

As Amu headed back to her house in her bitterly heartbroken depression, she still stayed stuck on trying to make sense as to why Kairi had dumped her already in the middle of their first date. He had been the one who asked her out over two months prior, and that night, he had the nerve to dump her mid-date? What was up with that?

Fortunately for Amu, she at least had her cat, Cleopatra, waiting for her at home. But her cat might as well have been the only deliverer of love she had waiting for her at home. As soon as Amu walked in the door, Cleopatra walked up to her and started nuzzling herself against Amu's leg.

Amu Hinamori: Don't ask, girl.

Cleopatra purred as Amu chuckled then bent down to pet her cat.

Amu Hinamori (continued): Thank goodness I can always count on you to love me the way I am.

Of course, there had been times where not even each other's company was enough for Amu or her cat, Cleopatra. Amu sighed as though knowing that the present event was one of those times.

Later in Amu's bedroom, Cleopatra jumped onto Amu's bed and started watching TV from the television in her master's bedroom. It was a news show from a local competitor of her master's workplace. Being a good cat, Cleopatra did not want to watch one of her master, Amu's, newsroom competitors. So, she stepped on her master's remote and flipped the channel. Unfortunately for Cleopatra, the channel to which she flipped the television view was that of a man in a gothic-looking suit with deep dark blue hair and eyes.

Man on television program: And we're back with 'The Ugly Truth', where tonight we'll be talking about what it is that men and women really want in relationships. Now, I've been lookin' through some books. 'Smart Women, Foolish Choices'.

The guy on the television picked up the book before throwing it right back down and into an electrical barbeque grill.

Man on television program (continued): 'Men Who Love Women Who Hate Them'.

He did the exact same thing with the other book he had with him.

Man on television program (continued): And 'Women Hating Men Who Loved Women Who Hate Loving Men'.

With the third book, he did the exact same thing as what he did with the first two books and tossed it into the electrical barbeque grill not long after picking it up and listing it as a book he actually had with him in his studio.

Man on television program (continued): Billions and billions wasted on psychobabble bull crap.

The guy on the television even poured an entire gallon of highly flammable lighter fluid onto the books he threw into the electrical barbeque grill.

Man on television program (continued): Now, listen up, ladies, because I'll only say this once, and it is just three little words.

Then, the guy on the television let out a chuckle as he lit a match and launched it onto the books coated in lighter fluid from within the electrical barbeque grill.

Man on television program (continued): Men are simple. We cannot be trained. All this 'Men are from Venus' shit is a waste of your time and money. You wanna be a lonely hag, then that's fine, keep reading these stupid books.

Of course, Amu was completely offended by the man who she was already watching on her television screen, especially since she actually prided herself on reading the books the man on her television had listed just before burning them all.

Man on television program (continued): But if you want a relationship, then here's how ya get one. It's called a Stairmaster. Get on it, and get skinny, get some trashy lingerie while you're at it, because at the end of the day, all we're interested in is looks. And no one falls in love with your personality at first sight. We fall in love with your tits and your ass, and we only stick around because of what you're willin' to do with 'em. So, you wanna win a man over, ya don't need ten steps, you need one, and it's called a blowjob. And don't forget to_

But the guy did not say anything next. He only scarfed down a marshmallow on a stick… a very long and pointy stick, that was. Meanwhile, Amu, as offended with him as she was at the beginning of viewing his show, took out her home phone and began dialing the number to his television studio.

Man on television program (continued): OK? Now, let's take the first caller.

The first caller was a woman who sounded equally offended by the man on Amu's bedroom television as she, herself, was.

Woman on telephone line at television studio: How dare you burn those books. They've helped my personal life more than I can say.

Of course, the guy on the television screen in Amu's room was only interested in talking to someone who was in a relationship.

Man on television program: What's your boyfriend's name, princess?

The woman on the other end of his call was slightly hesitant to speak up about it, though.

Woman on telephone line at television studio: Well, I'm not seeing anyone right now.

Of course, upon hearing that the woman on the other end of his phone call was one-hundred-percent single, the guy on the television in Amu's bedroom was not willing to listen to said woman any further. In fact, he was already done with her and ready for his next caller.

Man on television program: My point exactly, Shrek. Next caller. You're on the air.

Obviously, Amu, herself, had been the guy's following caller. She got straight to the point of what she thought of his show.

Amu Hinamori: So, you're saying that men are incapable of love?

Of course, he did not catch onto Amu's future conversation with him right away. So, he asked her such a snide question on return.

Man on television program: Oh, did I burst your little harlequin romance bubble? What? Come on.

Of course, Amu was not about to take the guy's mockery lying down.

Amu Hinamori: Well, the only thing you burst is your credibility. Men are completely capable of experiencing love.

Of course, the guy on her television was more than welcome to the idea that Amu knew of such a man.

Man on television program: OK. I'll bite. Go on. Who's the guy?

Amu did not expect the guy from her television program to actually ask her about whom she was talking.

Amu Hinamori: What?

Needless to say, it caught her slightly off guard.

Man on television program: The guy. Mr. Wonderful. The one who's so capable of love. Who is he? What's he like?

Of course, Amu knew what she wanted in a man. She supposed she had to tell the guy on her television set what she wanted in a man. So, she did.

Amu Hinamori: He's smart, he's handsome but he doesn't know it. He's successful, but in a job that means something.

Meanwhile back on the television program on the screen on Amu's bedroom wall, the guy on the show had pretended to fall asleep and started snoring like a pig.

Amu Hinamori (continued): He loves rose wine, picnics, classical music.

By then, Amu was finished describing her ideal man to the guy on the television set on her bedroom wall just in time for him to wake up from his pretend nap.

Man on television program: Mm, this is a guy in Japan, right? I mean, you're not calling from, like, France or something, are you?

Of course, Amu still had more than just what she already said to say about her ideal man.

Amu Hinamori: He loves dogs, but he's more of a cat person. He never gets up before you on a Sunday morning.

With those facts about her ideal man that Amu had revealed to the guy on the show, something seemed to dawn on him.

Man on television program: Wait a second, I get it. You're a lesbian.

Amu could not believe the guy on her own bedroom wall television saying that she was gay.

Amu Hinamori: What?!

The guy on Amu's bedroom wall television screen had further response to her description of her dream guy.

Man on television program: Well, you must be. I mean, you just described the perfect woman.

Of course, it was the guy on the television program's idea of the perfect woman. It was the real reason the guy on the show Amu's bedroom wall television was showing said all he did about her ideal man. Of course, Amu only continued to be offended by him.

Amu Hinamori: Why are you so threatened by these qualities? Is it perhaps because you don't possess a single one of them, and that's the real reason why women aren't interested in you? Hm?

The guy on her bedroom wall television took it as a challenge from her, though.

Man on television program: OK. OK, I'll give you ¥fourteen-thousand-eight-hundred-ninety-nine-point-three-five of my own money to go get this guy and bring him down here and let me meet him.

It was not until then and there that Amu had finally realized that the guy on the television was not describing a type to her but wanted actual proof of her claim of men being so capable of love. She finally realized that it had been a mistake to call him out, but all too late. She had no choice left but to explain herself to the guy in question.

Amu Hinamori: Well, he's out there, somewhere.

Suddenly, Amu seemed to make sense to the guy on her bedroom wall television set.

Man on television program: Wait a second. You're not even dating this guy?

Amu was headed for humiliation central, and she knew it. She was not willing to accept that guy's perception of the truth as the actual truth.

Amu Hinamori: No, I'm describing a type. I thought that was what we were doing.

Upon Amu having admitted to what she was really doing with the guy on the program playing on her bedroom wall television set, he finally seemed to understand exactly what she was doing with him by then. He only laughed at her for having only been describing a type to him the whole time she had been on the call box in his television studio and not talking about a specific guy to him at all.

Man on television program: What? You don't even know him?

Then, the host of the show on Amu's bedroom wall television screen closed his eyes for just a minute and pretended to ponder something in place of a nap and snoring, that time.

Man on television program (continued): Oh, whoa, OK, now I get the picture. Hold on. Oh, you're a dog.

Of course, Amu was definitely offended by the guy on her television with whom she was on the phone calling her a dog.

A/N: really. anybody worth their commonsense would naturally be offended by being called a dog, unless they really were a literal dog, such as Mr. Peabody.

Amu Hinamori: What?!

Man on television program: Well, you must be. Come on, you heard me. I mean, if you were-if you were hot, you would be out breaking some poor schmuck's heart instead of spending all your time fantasizing about Mr. Wonderful.

Then, the guy on her television screen turned to his alarm device and turned it on. A siren even blared from it, only the siren sounded a lot more like a belch than an actual siren.

Man on television program (continued): Face it! You're ugly!

Of course, Amu was not going to let the guy on her television set get away with calling her ugly on his show. Granted, it was a show hosted by a guy who called out lonely hags on being as unattractive as they were. But Amu, herself, was not amongst his ugly women who could not get a date if they had wanted one. Needless to say, though, Amu's voice felt very weak in the knees when she tried to come to her own defense.

Amu Hinamori: I am not ugly.

Of course, the guy on her bedroom wall's television screen was more confident than Amu, herself, was in terms of making a lasting impression, and he was not about to give her a break.

Man on television program: Well, OK, let me help you out here. You might as well face the fact that you're gonna be alone and stop pining away for some fantasy guy that you're never gonna get.

Amu, however, was not willing to take that kind of comment from the guy on her bedroom wall's television screen lying down any further.

Amu Hinamori: How-how can you possibly_?

But the guy on her bedroom wall's television screen interrupted Amu before she could finish what she was asking him at the time.

Man on television program: Hey, Lassie. This show is called 'The Ugly Truth'. If you can't face it, never call in again.

With that, the guy from the program on her bedroom wall's television set hung up on Amu before she could talk to him any further about her opinions of men and women.

Man on television program (continued): That about wraps it up for this evening. I'm Ikuto Tsukiyomi, reminding you that the truth is never pretty.

With that final hurrah from the guy in the television program which had played on her bedroom wall's television screen, Amu was left at least with a name to match his face. Ikuto Tsukiyomi.

A/N: you know, in certain ways more than others, Ikuto is actually right about the truth being ugly.

Meanwhile, Cleopatra was trying once again to get into her owner's fishbowl to get to Amu's goldfish, Hercules.