Orbit Chapter 8

Vanessa decided that she disliked the Factory Satellite. Everything was either too big, or too far away, or felt fake. The landing bay still brought to mind ghosts of the SDF-1. Reaching the interior of the station required long trips by motor vehicle, or even light magnetic rail, on tracks welded directly onto the original deck. The Terran scaled sections occupied the most infinitesimal fraction of the satellite's volume, and rather than subdividing entire compartments into new decks, facilities were constructed as if they were stand-alone buildings, and then connected by tube-like corridors. It was somewhat like the experience of being on the set of a science fiction show from decades past, and felt just as unreal to Vanessa. The best she could say was that the staterooms were larger. Most of the trainees seemed to be in a quiet and introspective mood after the events on Armor Seven, and May was no exception. Vanessa kept glancing over at her friend while skimming part of the syllabus for the next two months.

Anti-warship Beam and Missile Weapons: Implementation of Next Generation Systems; Reflex Weaponry in Strategic Operations; Fleet Logistics; Veritech Deployment: Doctrine for a New Era; The New UN Spacy: Primer on Planned Warship Classes

Finally, she couldn't contain her question any longer. "Well, you got to see him before you left, didn't you?"

May looked over and smiled wanly. "You mean Jose? I did."

"Well, what happened?"

May shrugged. "He said there's someone special back on Earth."

"Oh, I'm sorry, May."

"It's ok," she said, though Vanessa could tell she was saddened. "He's a good friend. I learned a lot from him on Armor Seven. Besides, I guess we need to stay focused, don't we?"

"Right. I doubt we'll do anything as dangerous as Valkyrie flights on the Factory Satellite, but the training isn't going to get any easier."

"No response from our hails, Captain. Contact is still maintaining distance and will move past us parallel to our own course."

"Keep attempting communication, ensign. Switch from video signal to a patterned pulse. XO, I want a visual. How close is our recon flight?"

May turned from the holo-table below the primary bridge and looked back up at Vanessa. "I have a flight of two Lightnings on station. I can have them in visual range in five minutes, Captain."

"Do it."

"Ma'am, I also have three squadrons on launch standby. Do you want me to deploy them?" May asked.

"No, I don't want us to take any action that might be seen as a provocation."

"Aye."

Vanessa was turning from her executive officer back to communications when the sensor tech called out a warning.

"Multiple launches detected, new contacts maneuvering onto an approach vector! Incoming missiles!"

The bridge lights went red, as the general quarters alarm activated.

"Deploy countermeasures!" Vanessa ordered. "Barrier Control, go to full power!"

Vanessa's mouth was dry as the reports came in.

"Thirty-six missiles! Size puts them in the anti-warship category! Reclassifying contact as a heavy missile cruiser."

"Enemy cruiser has come about and fired on our recon fighters. Some kind of high energy beam. Recon One destroyed!"

"Bring us around to face them bow-first. Authorize immediate launch of all ready fighters," Vanessa ordered. The Tokugawa ponderously came about, but the missiles were incredibly fast.

"Countermeasures ineffective! They're evading our beam turrets! Impact in thirty seconds!"

Vanessa watched the monitor grimly. "Concentrate barriers around the bridge and engineering, and hold on!"

"Warheads going active. Reflex reaction detected!"

The bridge abruptly went dark, as the red alert lights and every console and monitor shut down. The general quarters alarm switched off, and a chorus of groans and muttering among the bridge officers replaced it. A smooth voice reported through the main speakers.

"The Supervising Officer has determined that the Tokugawa has been lost with all hands. The exercise has been terminated. Mission failure."

The lights flipped back to normal, leaving Vanessa no concealment as all eyes turned to where she stood. Her face burned with humiliation, and her fingernails dug at the palm of her left hand. She took a deep breath so that she could speak past the heaviness in her chest.

"Report by section for debriefing. I'll be presenting my after-action report directly to the Admiral. Thank you everyone for your efforts today."

May hurried to catch up right before she reached the hatch of the bridge simulator.

"It'll be alright," May whispered.

Vanessa couldn't meet her eyes, and stared straight ahead as she exited the chamber.

Mission Failure

The disaster played out on the cool blue screen in front of Vanessa all over again. The dozens of deadly yellow triangles leaving behind graceful lines as they traced their path towards the abstract hourglass marker of the Tokugawa. The ticking down time and distance numerals tracking its course. The white diamonds of Recon 1 flashing and being replaced by red, elongated hexagons suspiciously reminiscent of caskets. Then, the inevitable intersection of the missiles and the carrier. The image on the screen dissolved and was replaced with a cold numerical estimate of the thousands of dead crew and hundreds of lost veritechs.

"I just don't understand, Vanessa," Lisa Hayes said, shaking her head. "Two mission failures in a row, and not just a failure to meet objectives, in both cases you lost your entire command, with minimal damage to the opposing force."

Her friend's disappointment was plain, and Vanessa knew that the commander of the Robotech Expeditionary Force had expected great things from her. She nodded, her jaw clenched.

"Can you explain to me how you were caught so unprepared both times?" Lisa asked.

"Admiral," Vanessa said, and swallowed. "I don't think I was caught unprepared so much as my options in the scenario were severely limited in such a way that avoiding the attack was almost impossible."

Lisa frowned. "It wasn't set up as a no-win scenario. There were plenty of ways you could have defended your ship. Lieutenant May even pointed out your standby squadrons. An effective fighter screen would have allowed you to intercept the missile barrage and counterattack."

"Given the scenario briefing, I couldn't do that."

Lisa picked up her data tablet and swiped through the scenario packet.

"There were no special restrictions on your rules of engagement, Vanessa. What are you talking about?"

"First, let me ask you, did you set up these scenarios yourself?"

Lisa shook her head. "No, they were selected from among exercises prepared by the U.N. Spacy War College staff. Why do you ask?"

Vanessa took a deep breath and began the conversation she had been worrying about since her defeat in the 'Zentraedi Patrol Force Encounter' scenario two days earlier.

"Admiral, I have some serious misgivings about these scenarios and the assumptions they're based on."

Lisa's eyes narrowed. "No one else has raised any issues with the simulations, and most of the other officers have had better mission outcomes."

"Admiral, is this training meant to prepare us for the Pioneer Mission?"

"Well, of course."

Vanessa nodded. "Right, and my briefing for today said 'encounter with unidentified contact in uncharted space.' But it sounds to me like you're saying it was intended as a purely tactical problem."

Lisa looked troubled at that, and Vanessa pressed her point.

"The Zentraedi encounter listed the approaching force as an 'independent flotilla.' Lisa, I lost these scenarios because I didn't treat them as combat drills, but as First Contact situations. How could I deploy dozens of veritechs without provoking a defensive response? How could I open fire on the Zentraedi without at least trying to talk to them first about the death of Dolza and the choices made by their brethren on Earth? Was anything like that taken into account in the scenario scoring?"

"They-" Lisa hesitated and looked at the data pad again to confirm what she already knew. "The scoring was based on damage inflicted versus damage sustained."

"I don't deny that we need to be trained and tested for every potential combat situation, but we need to be prepared for more. Does the REF plan to go to war with every species we encounter on our journey to confront the Masters, or fight every Zentraedi to the last, with no chance of them joining with Earth?"

Lisa pursed her lips. "Certainly not."

"Then we need to re-examine the training curriculum. The members of my cohort are the future leaders of the REF. If making peaceful contact, or better yet, new alliances, is a goal of the Pioneer Mission, we need to be training for it now."

Lisa settled back in her chair and regarded Vanessa. "You have a way of presenting me with complicated situations, Commander," she noted, though she softened her words with the ghost of a smile. "But I think you're right. There are going to have to be some difficult conversations with the staff at the War College. We'll focus on the technical side of the curriculum for a while until we can revise the simulations and incorporate a section on First Contact protocols."

"That sounds workable."

"Not so fast, Vanessa. I'm going to want you in on this. With the Sterlings busy with their own assignments, and Minister Exedore back with the Allied Fleet, that makes you my resident expert on Zentraedi relations."

Vanessa suppressed a groan. It was happening again. Why couldn't she be just another trainee? "It would be better to include a Zentraedi," she pointed out.

"I will. I want both perspectives."

"But where am I going to find time for all of this?"

Lisa arched an eyebrow. "You found time to spend with Minmei next week. I'm sure you'll manage."

"You know about that?"

"You would figure an admiral would have control over her own subordinates' schedules. The UEF Public Affairs division informed me that I was mistaken." Lisa folded her arms. "I suggest you figure out a way to make do."

"Lisa, I only accepted because I -"

The Admiral cut her off. "Just make sure she stays focused on the photo shoot and the concert. I don't want to have to deal with her any more than necessary. Are we clear, Commander?"

Vanessa swallowed her protests and nodded. "Aye."

May was waiting outside of Lisa's office, and approached Vanessa.

"You shouldn't blame yourself," May began. "I understand what you were trying to do."

Vanessa waved her off. "It's fine, I've got bigger problems to deal with now."

May quickened her pace to keep up with Vanessa as she left the administrative area.

"More important than going bust on two command simulations?"

Vanessa huffed. "I've gotten myself into the middle of a mess again. I pointed out the problems with our training curriculum, and now there are going to be major revisions. Except Admiral Hayes wants me to help create the new protocols."

"But that's good, right?"

Vanessa threw up her hands in exasperation. "May, I can barely keep up as it is! I'm going to have to work twice as hard to make up for the two failing grades, plus I still have that photo shoot with Minmei coming up!"

"Wait, that's real?"

"Of course! Do I make things up?"

"Well no, I thought you might be making some weird joke about our workload."

They reached the light rail network and boarded one of the smooth, capsule shaped passenger carriages.

"See, this is what I mean," Vanessa said as they each grabbed a hand-hold. "Why does everyone act like I'm so capable? It's hardly stopped since I woke up at New Malmstrom after my surgeries. I can't keep up with this pressure!"

Her tone drew glances from nearby passengers, who, seeing her rank, and the expression on her face, all quickly found other places to turn their attention. May watched her with wide eyes as the mag-rail train silently accelerated.

"Ma'am, this isn't like you," she said cautiously.

Vanessa took a deep breath and released it, watching the topography of the Factory Satellite pass the windows. They were in a metallic space the size of the Grand Canyon, and stanchions as big as tree trunks, hung with heavy anchor chains, separated the rail line from troops of armored Zentraedi marching to their own destinations.

"It's how I feel, May, even if I don't say it, most of the time. I didn't ask to be elevated to command, but I accepted it because so many different people asked me to or demanded it. I got involved with what was happening to the Zentraedi because it would have been wrong not to. But I can only keep up with so much. And now Admiral Hayes seems angry with me, and I have even more responsibility coming my way. Eventually I'm going to be asked to do something I can't handle and…" she lowered her eye… "I'm going to let everyone down."

May watched her with a concerned look, and then seemed to steel herself.

"You're not going to let everyone down, ma'am."

"And how do you know that?"

"First, because I've flown with you and shared the same room with you for more than a month now, and you really are as strong and skilled as people think you are."

"You know I don't like that 'Survivor' stuff."

"Surviving was a fluke, or more like a miracle, I would call it," May said. "But it's what you've done before and after that matters. And second, you're not going to fail because you're going to have help. We're getting off at the next stop."

"What for?"

"We're going to the Data Center. I know that Lieutenants Straza, Turvel, and Jurhon are studying there. They all served on border squadrons with the Zentraedi fleet, and I'm sure they can help you with learning how the Zentraedi react in First Contact situations."

Vanessa hesitated. "But- They need to be able to focus on the training."

May smiled. "Commander, you're part of a unit. You led us back on Armor Seven, and it goes both ways. It's time for us to support you." The train glided to a stop. "Let's go."

The Zentraedi from Vanessa and May's cohort turned out to be willing, even eager, to help. May took charge and led the group to a quiet break-room off of the Data Center where they could talk. Through the window, a power substation could be seen stretching from floor to ceiling fifty meters above. Shielded panels on the machinery flashed with blue light, and a thrumming vibrated through the whole chamber. Vanessa closed the shades.

"There were a lot of procedures, you see, when we encountered unidentified ships or populated planets," Lieutenant Turvel explained, after they were seated. He was a broad-shouldered man with a large nose and black, bowl-cut hair that gave him a monkish air. The former captain had led a squadron of frigates for five years before the day of the Global Assault.

"I'm surprised," Vanessa said. "It doesn't seem like those procedures were followed the day the war started."

The lieutenants shared an incredulous glance, then all laughed together.

"What's so funny?" Vanessa asked.

"I'm sorry, Commander, we meant no disrespect," Lieutenant Straza said, shaking her purple mane. The thickly freckled and powerfully built officer had led a battlepod division assigned to one of the heavy troop carriers, like the Qel'Vatal back in Monument. "It just seems that you may have forgotten that Earth fired the first shots of the war."

"Oh." Vanessa felt her cheeks go pink. From the perspective of the RDF crew, it had been an accident, not a deliberate attack, when the SDF-1 self-activated its reflex cannon and obliterated two Zentraedi scout frigates from Breetai's arriving fleet. A 'boobytrap,' Captain Gloval had called it, as the programming left behind by the ship's original creator, the genius and rebel, Zor, caused it to lash out at its pursuers. For the Zentraedi, the intent had been unmistakable.

"Our standing orders were very clear," Lieutenant Jurhon added. His scalp was covered with a thin fuzz of pale blue, and he watched Vanessa with intense, gray eyes. "Resistance was to be met with maximum force." He made a cutting motion with one hand to emphasize the point. "Our reputation spread well outside the boundaries of the Masters' empire. Most species knew not to test our wrath."

"So… what would have happened if the SDF-1 hadn't fired?" May asked curiously.

"The scout ships would have approached and ordered you to submit to our inspection for the SDF-1," Tarvel said. "Once we confirmed its presence, Breetai would have demanded that you hand it over. Refusal would have been met with an ultimatum."

"There are a lot of ways that there could still have been an outbreak of fighting," Vanessa observed, "but assuming that the United Earth Defense Council members came to their senses, what would have happened if we had surrendered the SDF-1?"

Jurhon, who had been a fighterpod wing leader, shrugged. "Breetai would have taken the SDF-1 and left. After a time, a century or two, perhaps, a probe might have arrived from the Masters to arrange trade relations."

"That's it?" May asked, blinking in disbelief.

"Of course. The Masters' empire is a mercantile empire. They bring as many worlds as possible into their sphere of influence."

May looked disturbed. "But that means the whole war was a mistake! None of this had to happen!"

Vanessa frowned, but Straza spoke first. "Wait, May. Are you forgetting how the armada operated? It was a fleet of conquest, crewed by slaves. Juhron, what happened to a world that would not submit to the Masters?"

"They were crushed," he answered, jabbing a thumb toward his chest, "by us."

"There was no future for any of us," Straza continued, "only death, after a career of murdering and oppressing countless sentient beings."

May looked uncomfortable. "I'm not sure how to feel about this. I never thought about whether the war could have turned out any other way, or could have been avoided. Could Earth have been spared?"

"Maybe," Straza said, folding her arms. "But my division suffered more than fifty percent losses in each of its last three campaigns, and the treatment given to Earth was far from unusual. Can you imagine that going on routinely for centuries?"

Vanessa interrupted the discussion. "People will still be grappling with those questions generations from now. But right now, we need to talk about the future of the REF, so that past mistakes and injustices aren't repeated."

"Right," Turvel said with a nod. "We don't want to have to fight our way across half the galaxy, just to face the Masters.

"Is there any way we could avoid a fight?" Vanessa asked. "Zentraedi codes we could use to allow us safe passage? Even disguise ourselves?"

"No," Jurhon said flatly. "The size of the Grand Fleet wasn't just to satisfy the Masters' ego. We held trillions of beings in check, for better or for worse. The status quo will have collapsed within weeks."

"Then I guess we'll need to figure out how to make the path-finding force too intimidating to be an easy target, but not so dangerous that it can't be tolerated while it's passing through different regions of space," May suggested.

"A tricky balancing act," Turvel said, "We should let Admiral Hayes and the senior staff decide what to do about that, and focus on handling first contact."

"Fine, then let's begin. Was there a standard greeting when ships encountered each other?" Vanessa asked.

They put in more than an hour of discussion that afternoon, and had resolved to continue another day, when Straza cleared her throat.

"Commander Leeds, before we return to studying, I was wondering if there was any new information out of Manhattan that the rest of us might not have heard. Some former members of my unit live there, and I haven't been able to reach them for a while."

"I'm afraid not, but if I learn anything new that I can share, I'll tell you."

"Thank you. Will the UEG intervene, do you think?"

"I don't know," Vanessa said honestly. "The UEG is protesting and applying pressure against York, but it's being very careful because an intervention, or even sanctions, could alienate as many of the independent states as it reassures."

"Perhaps we must take matters into our own hands," Juhron suggested. "The Zentraedi fleet may be nothing compared to what it was, but we easily command enough firepower to annihilate whatever forces York can marshal."

"That's not for us to decide," Turvel argued. "We're UN Spacy officers now. We can't be thinking that way!"

"Even if we're not considering it, there will be many Zentraedi aboard the fleet who are," Juhron replied.

"But won't that just make matters worse?" May wondered. "There could be a new wave of anti-Zentraedi feelings on Earth if those ships intervene. A lot more Zentraedi than just the ones in Manhattan might be hurt."

"York is targeting Zentraedi right now, and has been for more than two years. Are we to stand by and do nothing?" Straza demanded.

"We have our jobs to do up here, lieutenants," Vanessa reminded them, "and there's very little we can do personally about the crisis. But that doesn't mean nothing will be done. Remember that Bron, Rico, and Konda are down there. I know that they're not going to sit on the sidelines."

The door slid open, and the Data Center's supervisor stepped in and saluted. "Excuse me, ma'am. Message from the office of Admiral Hunter. They've been calling all over looking for you."

"What do they want?" Vanessa asked.

"You're to meet the admiral at Bay 477E, as soon as possible."

Everyone shared a look at the mention of the specific bay number.

"Alright, you can tell them I'll head there immediately."

Bay 447E was in a highly secured section, with multiple well armed guards outside. Inside, a pair of gun-pod equipped Spartan destroids loomed in the shadows at the far bulkhead. The contents of the bay were classified, but everyone on the Factory Satellite knew exactly what was hidden there.

Technicians had installed a Micronian scaled observation box midway up the bulkhead, and that was where Admiral Hunter waited for Vanessa. He looked haggard, and his uniform was wrinkled, with the upper flap of his coat unbuttoned.

"Reporting, Admiral."

"You're here, good." He returned the salute respectfully. "Come take a look."

Vanessa stood next to him at the viewport, and peered down into the bay. The twisted wreckage of the YF-4 Lightning prototype lay at the center of the deck, half covered by an enormous tarp. Numerous technicians wearing the red and white jumpsuits of Rockwell-Bell walked through the glare of free-standing flood lights and puzzled over the ruined aircraft, inspecting every inch. A few brown-suited observers from Lang's Robotech Research Group were interspersed to provide oversight. Vanessa could see green speckles across the entire fuselage, where minor debris had embedded itself in the veritech's armored skin.

A few meters away, she could see the missing arm that had been recovered from the Green Zone, no doubt at enormous effort. The huge, curled fingers were disturbingly corpse-like given the circumstances. A pair of engineers were examining the mutilated shoulder joint.

"They've been going over it for weeks," Rick said, "assessing damage taken during the emergency and sorting out the cause of the malfunction."

"And what have they found?"

"The transformation sequence failed under the stress of high thrust. The malfunction triggered a cascade failure in flight control that locked the thrusters into a full burn and sent the Lightning into a tumble. Lieutenant Reyes managed to bypass the problem by cutting the mains, but he struck the cruiser hulk before he could manually bring his maneuvering thrusters back up."

"That's…" Vanessa shook her head disbelievingly. "How could the system be so temperamental? Transformation under high thrust is a basic requirement for combat!"

Rick showed his teeth. "You don't know the half of it. The original design promised a fighter and guardian mode, but the UN Spacy wanted three modes, and the Rockwell Bell team swore they could make it work. But since then, The Lightning has been damaged and grounded twice because of problems with the transformation sequence. I was brought in to oversee the project when the Lightning got back from the factory the last time. This latest disaster is a major embarrassment for Rockwell Bell and the UN Spacy."

He didn't say it, but Vanessa figured it was a major embarrassment for Rick too, and decided it was better to keep the observation to herself. He smiled sourly as he leaned his forearms on the railing.

"Hmph, deja vu."

"What do you mean, sir?"

He looked sideways at her. "Oh I was just thinking about the beginning of the war, back on the SDF-1. You remember my stunt plane I flew to Macross island, that first day?"

"Yes."

"After Minmei and I were rescued, they scraped up what was left of Mockingbird and dumped it in a bay like this one. They covered it with my parachute, like it was a corpse. Before I joined the Defense Force, I'd spend hours staring down at it. Another broken plane and more broken dreams." He chuckled darkly.

For a moment, Vanessa fought against a surge of resentment at his self-pitying attitude. She would never forget his past behavior toward her, and more especially, Lisa. But wasn't she struggling with changing roles and new responsibilities herself?

"It didn't turn out like you expected, did it?"

Rick's blue eyes cleared, and he turned his attention back to her, surprised.

"I guess I expected to be the one in the cockpit of the Lightning, and instead I've run the program into the ground."

"Do you really think it's your fault?"

"It was my responsibility."

"A fairer answer," Vanessa said with a nod.

"I don't know what I could have done differently, and that's the problem. Why was I promoted, Vanessa? Why was I taken away from what I'm good at, what I love?" His voice was becoming harsh.

Vanessa looked back at him coolly. "I can't speak for Lisa, but I would have to say it was because you were needed."

"Don't make me laugh. You, in command of a ship, I can see. Me, in command of a fleet? I was happier and better as a pilot."

Vanessa shook her head at the way Rick breezed right past her own self-doubts. "You might or might not ever command a fleet, but that's not what you're needed for right now. Lisa needed an officer who was an unquestionable authority on veritech operations and who couldn't be manipulated or misled by the contractor. And that's what she got. The program was troubled before you started. With you here, we can be sure the investigation will be thorough and accurate. It's the best chance we have of either salvaging the Lightning or stopping the program before it wastes resources and lives."

Rick struck the railing with his fist, not violently, but in a short, abrupt outburst.

"As if I haven't already heard that from Lisa! It's easy for you to say, you're both naturals at this. I'm miserable here! Why would Lisa tell me she loves me and then do this?"

Vanessa lifted her chin. Now, she was angry.

"Stop being so selfish, Rick! Do you think life has been easy for Lisa? Do you think all of this comes easily to me? Are you really questioning if she loves you, because she's giving you responsibilities you didn't want?"

Hunter's face reddened, then paled in the space of a few silent seconds. "No," he said softly. "What I'm really wondering, what I've never asked out loud, is… why does she love me?"

Vanessa sighed and looked away from Rick's plaintive gaze, squinting into the glare of the flood lights.

"You know, I've actually thought about that a lot, because I still don't believe you deserve her."

"I haven't forgotten," he said, keeping himself in check.

"She saw something in you, Rick, something that caused her to question her whole outlook on war and military service."

Rick looked skeptical. "What are you talking about? I was a thorn in her side. Questioning, complaining, disrespecting her authority and experience."

Vanessa huffed in annoyance.

"I'm not talking about that part. I'm talking about why you joined, why you fought so hard and took so many risks. Her family has served for generations. Honor and duty are practically the Hayes family motto. But those things can become a habit, an end in and of themselves."

"While I joined for…". He abruptly cut himself off. Vanessa smiled.

"People. Dreams. Not for a cause, or a government, or a legacy. Lisa saw that, and over time it made her question her father, his and the rest of the Defense Council's agenda, and the entire course of the war."

Rick ran his fingers through his hair.

"Are you actually claiming that when she left the SDF-1 to confront the UEG it was because of me?"

"I think it's safe to say that you were the catalyst that led her to look at the big picture for the first time, to look beyond the next battle and consider how and why the war was being fought, and how it could be ended."

"That… couldn't have been easy for her."

"No, but she did it for the sake of the people she cared about," Vanessa said. "And that's part of the reason that I'm still here, when I came very close to taking a medical discharge."

Rich looked at her in surprise. "You considered leaving?"

"Yes."

"But I thought you and Lisa had this all planned out."

"Believe me, we don't see everything the same way," Vanessa told him. "But we want the same things. And I think you do too."

Rick scoffed. "I don't want to be here at all!"

Vanessa shook her head. How could such a gifted pilot and leader be so dense about some things? "We want peace. Safety for Earth. Hope for humanity's future. All of humanity… and to be by the side of those we love. Don't you?"

Rick softened. "Yes, but I - I worry I'm going to let her down."

"Your life has changed, and you're afraid. So am I. But she trusts you, and needs you, Rick. That's why you're here."

She watched a silent struggle take place in his heart. There was fear and pain. His own ghosts haunted him. Then, at last, his eyes cleared, and his shoulders straightened. "Then I guess I'd better not disappoint her."

"Exactly." Vanessa felt strange, and curiously lightened. It seemed she and Rick held more in common than she had given him credit for. "Now, is this really why you called me here, Admiral?"

Rick sighed, but it was a sigh of release, not despair. "No. I asked you to come here because I never thanked you properly for what you did on Armor Seven, for rescuing Reyes."

Vanessa folded her arms. "And you didn't because?"

Rick looked guilty, and then chuckled. "Ok, because I've been sulking for the last few weeks, and didn't want to see you. Sorry."

"Well, I should thank you for giving May and me the chance to rescue him. And for standing up for us with Commander Johnson."

"I had to. You did what I would have done if I'd been in the cockpit. Sometimes you have to disagree with your superiors. You do it, and accept the consequences, because it's necessary to save lives."

Vanessa nodded. "That, sir, we agree on."

"There's something else. I've pulled a bit of a fast one on you. The paperwork has gone through, and so I asked Lisa to let me be the one to present you and Lieutenant May the UEF Life Saver's medal for your actions in rescuing Lieutenant Reyes. I already arranged for May to be waiting below. The Rockwell Bell team and the Robotech Research Group engineers will witness the ceremony. They owe you both a lot too."

"It's- it's not necessary," Vanessa said reflexively. "I mean, May deserves it, she was the pilot."

Rick looked taken aback, and then smirked. "And what were you? Just a passenger? You're not turning shy on us, after making such a spectacle of yourself?"

"I…" Vanessa struggled to explain herself, which was made more difficult by the fact that she wasn't sure why she was against the award herself. "I don't deserve it. I endangered May by asking her to help me rescue Reyes."

She knew she wasn't making sense, but it felt wrong to receive the medal. She had felt the same way when she received the Titanium Medal of Valor in the hospital, but she had been too tired and ill to dispute it with Lisa.

"Vanessa, a minute ago we agreed that the rescue, the risk, was necessary."

She shook her head helplessly, and Rick looked at her sympathetically.

"Did you know I argued with Roy- Commander Fokker- when he ordered me to rescue Lisa on Mars Base? I mean, I wasn't really serious, but it did seem a ridiculous irony to be going through that firestorm to save someone who I'd only ever fought with before. But afterward, when I received my Medal of Valor, it felt good. At the time, I was still conflicted about being a soldier, and it helped to be honored for preserving life. That's why I want to know, what's going on, Vanessa?"

She didn't speak for long, silent seconds, and her fists clenched until her synthetic fingers squeaked. Her breath was frozen in her lungs. Then words spilled from her.

"The real heroes all died on the SDF-1."

Rick winced as if he had been stabbed with a cold blade. A stern expression came over his face.

"Lisa was the one who said that. It has taken a very long time for her to start letting go of that feeling, that pain. When Roy died, and they asked me to step into his shoes, I thought I could never measure up. But you can't let your grief freeze you in time. Believe me, I've been there."

Vanessa drew the back of her hand across her eye and sniffed.

"They can never be replaced." It was difficult to get the words out.

"Of course not. But if I have to accept my rank, then you have to accept the person you've become, someone they would all be proud of. You've grown far beyond Vanessa Leeds, bridge technician."

Vanessa released her breath in a rush.

"I'll try." How had it happened, that after calling Rick out, he had forced her to acknowledge a truth she had tried so many times to reject?

Rick smiled with understanding, and held out his hand. "Come on, Commander. We've let Lieutenant May and the others wait long enough."

"Yes, Admiral."

Next time... no way out, intervention, and return of the starlet...