Current Residential Area:
Roswaal Mansion
Total Loops:
3
Loops in the manor:
1
"Its all right."
Darkness was all that she could see. No that wouldn't be the correct term for many colors were visible but the moment she tried to focus on them they would evaporate, leaving nothing in their absence. No matter where she tried to focus she would be met with nothing but shadows, remnants of what was there. It was a strange conundrum. Every attempt to grasp her surroundings made everything all the more abstract and hard to understand.
"You have my brother's silver hair."
She tried to reach out towards the abyss to find something, anything to end this never ending cycle but she had no limbs to move.
"I-I i'm going to keep my promise."
Her consciousness was drifting like a current, completely at the mercy of whatever machinations would present themselves. Despite her needless struggles to make the intangible bend to her will, she didn't feel any sort of dread or anger in this situation. Not out of calmness or peace, but contempt. As if this scenario has always been like this. Drifting about and struggling In vain to make something happen only to be met with disappointment and darkness each time.
"But whose permission do you think you have to be doing these things? Do you have any idea at all why I'm here? Think about it in any way you can possibly conceive, and it's obvious I'm here on business. Not with you, with the other one. You getting in my way here means you're obstructing me from doing what I ought to do. It's infringing, my rights."
She knew It was pointless to try but she tried.
"Are…are you? No, you couldn't be."
She knew it was pointless to resist but she resisted.
"I'm sorry you had to go through this. Thank you for keeping your promise."
She knew it was pointless to fight but she fought.
"Why!? Why!? Why!? Why!? Why!? Why!? Why did I do this!?"
Pointlessly struggling in vain over and over.
"Die"
Over and over and over over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and-
"Your love was not wrong"
"Gasp!"
Emilia bolted out of her dream with cold sweat dripping down her face. She was looking directly in front of her trying to recall the hazy vision she…No. No more calling it simple visions. Whatever it was, it was real or real enough to her at least. Trying to sum it all up to empty rhetoric or anything of the sort would be foolish now.
Now having accepted that she could at least draw one conclusion after being in that shadowy place, she hadn't died.
The new ceiling was a dead give away for that but the feeling she had, that deep knot of discomfort was only eerily similar to the feeling she felt shortly after coming back to life. Similar but by no means the same. She didn't feel the same repositioning of her soul nor the cold embrace of some foreign entity. Not to mention her body felt extremely heavy and sore, another hint that she hadn't returned. For if she did she would be feeling far better physically wise but fractured mentally. The fact that she was currently feeling the opposite of that was proof that the "ability" she possessed hadn't been activated yet.
Once her senses came back fully she noticed the soft fabric that covered her body. She was dressed in the same comfortable robes that Subaru wore when he woke up.
Once she got her bearings she noticed the voice that's been calling her name for the past ten seconds while clutching her hand. She looked towards her right and saw a boy with unkempt spiky black hair and scary looking light brown eyes staring back at her. Worry and dread but also a bit of relief were etched onto his face.
"Em-san! Thank God you're awake!"
Subaru exclaimed while examining her figure for any signs of pain or unease.
"Are you alright? Wait no that's a stupid question, you're obviously not alright!
Subaru jumped out of his seat and darted towards the door.
"Hold on for a second, I'm gonna get Beatrice to-"
"Wait!"
Emilia's voice was rapsy and lower than usual but her message reached the boys ears causing him to stop in his tracks.
"Just…just give me a second to-. Just let me process ok?"
Subaru paused for a moment and proceeded to give a curt nod in understanding. She obviously had questions, the least he could was answer to the best of his ability.
"First of all, where am I? This doesn't look like my room."
Emilia scanned the room she was in. Noticing the lack of any interior design compared to her usual quarters.
"Yeah, the west wing is in shambles right now from the battle two days ago. You've been here, getting medical treatment from Beatrice, Puck and Roswaal whenever he was around."
The Half-elf's eyes bulged once she processed what he just said.
"I've been out for two days!?"
Subaru gave a slight grimace towards her outburst.
"Yeah…I'm honestly surprised. I'd thought you'd be out for a whole lot longer considering…"
His eyes went towards her abdomen while he said this. Emilia followed his gaze to see what he was referring to.
"Ghk!"
She winced once she saw how truly horrendous her injury was. Bandages covered her entire abdomen and a section of her left shoulder. The bite marks were visible even through the multiple wrappings. It didn't take a lot to imagine how much pain she would've been in if she was still awake during the healing process.
"Hey Hey Hey don't move around too much!"
Subaru leaned towards her with a look of panic under the assumption she was in immense pain. Emilia looked towards him in order to express that she wasn't in pain, just in shock at how awful the injury was.
"I'm fine, I just need to-. I-I didn't realize how severe it was."
She looked towards him with mild discomfort but overall reassurance. Subaru's eyes showed an immense amount of worry despite her attempt to brush it aside. Of course she was oblivious of it due to her refusing to properly look him in the eyes.
"Look, just lie down for now. You more than deserve it considering what you've been through."
She did as he told and allowed herself to relax her back onto the bread frame. She gave an exhausted sigh as she looked upwards.
"So…how is everyone?"
A rather poor question but necessary on her end. She needed to gain as much information as she could. If it was as bad as she thought it was then… there might not be a point in continuing on like this.
Subaru looked down and clutched his hands together in order to gather his thoughts. He needed to choose his words carefully and not have her panic after she just woke up.
"Honestly, morale is pretty low. Beatrice is on constant alert, makes sense considering she's like the guardian of this place. Rem is in an even worse condition than you. Between the blunt trauma, the bite marks, the wound on her back and the frost bite…"
He paused for a moment. Waiting for her response before he continued on.
Emilias shoulders shook ever so slightly as she uttered the words that would make or break this life.
"But she's still alive right?"
Subaru winced and gave a heavy sigh before he gave her an answer.
"It's a miracle honestly. Roswaal and Ram are keeping a constant watch on her. Ram won't even look at me, much less talk to me. I can't even imagine how she's feeling about all this. Roswaal is… Honestly I don't know how he feels either but I can't imagine he's feeling any better. He said he'd deal with those 2 assassins you had on ice but I don't know what he plans to do with them. Puck was very… neutral? I guess he was too focused on healing you for me to tell how he was feeling. He was so matter-of-fact about everything. I tried to talk to him a couple of times but he would always ignore me."
Subarus hands were slightly shaking from anxiety and frustration. To him the outcome was overwhelmingly bleak and under normal circumstances this would be considered a crushing defeat.
Emilia on the other hand was relatively calm about it all. Her gaze turned towards Subaru, finally able to face him fully. Hope had finally simmered into her after hearing his words.
"*sigh* Your right this Is pretty bad but."
She lowered her eyes to meet his for the first time in days. Her heart and mind were in agreement that she could look at him directly. She no longer felt nauseous when looking at him. The trauma and guilt would forever claw away at her subconscious but for now she could ignore it because-
"Everyone made it out alive."
Subarus' eyes slightly bulged at her optimistic view on things. He couldn't help but wonder what challenges she had faced beforehand to consider the lack of death to be a win in her book. This revelation made him bite his lip in frustration. It pained him to see his friend be so accustomed to these stressful situations but it hurt even more for another reason.
"That's-. That's a pretty low bar for a victory but considering everything that's went on these past few days I guess we should count our blessings."
Emilia's shoulders relaxed as she took in a deep breath and sighed.
"Blessings huh. We could reeeeally use more of those."
A slight smile could be seen on her face. Everyone in the mansion was alive. As far as she's concerned this life was already a million times better than her previous one. Subaru, Puck, Beatrice, Ram, Roswaal, Rem, Petra, they were all still-
"PETRA!"
Emilia exclaimed with an immense amount of dread
.
Subaru cringed when he heard that name. He specifically left her out in hopes that he could spare her from the shock, at least for a little while. God knows he was not ok once he saw her frozen corpse in the ruins of the mansion's entrance.
"Subaru there was a little girl with braided blue hair! Is she alright!?"
He looked at Emilia with immense confusion. There was only one girl that fit that description but that wasn't Petra. He would question the mixup if it wasn't for the trepidation that lingered in his mind, reminiscing on that horrible night.
"S-She-She was…"
He couldn't get the words out. Tears threatened to escape his eyes as he reminisced on the horrifying sight.
When he returned to the entrance of the mansion alongside Beatrice and Ram, he saw the little girl's ribbon before anything else and had assumed the worst. His idea of "worst" was child's play compared to the butchery that he witnessed once he saw the entire corpse before him, or what was left of it at least.
Subaru could still remember his throat burning from the stomach acid that escaped his throat once he saw the respective stomach of the little girl. Her intestines were laid about like a disgusting mop. Her eyes were still open and her skin was a dark blue with veins bulging out like vines. He could still remember his own screams in horror. If Beatrice wasn't there to calm him down then…Regardless the emotional scar from that event would forever haunt him, especially since he knew the girl personally albeit briefly when he visited the village with Ram and Rem.
"S-she didn't make it."
Emilia's eyes dilated upon hearing that. She had failed once again. The little girl with a ribbon on her head was one thing but she couldn't connect her death to a relevant cause. For all she knew it was something completely out of her control. Something she had no power to change in that instance, even if she did return. But now she was certain. Her death and the death of the blue haired girl named Petra, they both could've been prevented. This life… No, this loop was an utter failure.
"I see…"
"..."
"..."
"..."
The atmosphere was so thick you could-.
"SHIT!"
The Half-elf roared while slamming her fist into the wall beside her.
"SHIT! SHIT! SHIT!"
She repeatedly slammed her fist until the wall to the point of leaving a small crater, causing minor quakes with each strike.
Subaru was dumbstruck at the display of rage and anger in front of him. The deep scowl on her face as she bared her teeth made his skin crawl. His lips quivered as he tried and failed to come up with the proper words to calm her down.
"E-Em-san…"
"SHIT!!"
She gave a final roar as she retracted her arm once again and attempted to slam her arm against the wall one more time but was stopped by a well constructed huma shield.
"Lia… please."
The androgynous voice resonated on her chest before multiple beads of light formed in front of her. The light began to morph and form a physical appearance.
Emilia halted once she heard his voice. Her mind felt fuzzy and light from the initial outburst. Her vision was blurry but not due to the metaphorical red in her eyes but due to the tears that escaped them.
"I understand your anger but right now we should focus on the here and now."
The great spirit gave a sad and understanding look at his contracter.
Emilia looked down. She gave shaky and deep breaths in an attempt to regain her composure.
"Subaru."
Pucks voice turned sharp as he looked towards the boy. His eyes were soft, looking at the boy with a sad expression.
"Please leave us."
Subaru wanted to rebuttal. He wanted to be here for his friend in her time of need but he just couldn't bring himself to argue. He had seen the great spirit enraged, annoyed, happy, aloof and many other kinds of emotions. But this somber and melancholic look… it was something he never wanted to or thought he would see from his teacher. He knew better than to try and intervene in whatever it was they were going to discuss but it didn't make the pill any easier to swallow.
"I-OK"
Reluctantly, he left the two on to there own devices with his head downcast.
"Lia, I'm sorry…truly I am."
Pucks voice grew increasingly somber now that it was just the two of them. Emilia looked up towards her contracted spirit with a mixture of emotions but mostly confusion.
He expected him to chastate her for her recklessness or chide her for her naivety and foolishness. But an apology, especially when he was the reason they were all still alive, was not what she expected.
"Puck, there's no need to apologize. You did everything you could."
Pucks face contorted into further melancholy and guilt.
"No, YOU did everything you could. I was too focused on the battle at hand to notice you and… I promised you I would protect you."
"Puck please…You stopped that man from hurting anyone else. Because of you no one was-"
No one was killed. That's what she wanted to say but her words were caught in her throat. There were two victims in this situation that she could not in good conscience overlook. A blue haired girl she swore to protect and an orange haired girl that was already a corpse before she could even attempt to save her. The culprit was obviously the assassins and mabeasts that attacked her residence but to the Half-elf this was all due to one individual and one individual only, herself. If she had just informed everyone days before this all happened instead of just Beatrice then those 2 lives could've been saved. But no… once again she had been slothful.
Dwelling in her own inadequacy. She bawled her fist over her bangs and looked up, drawing a breath as she lamented the futility of all her efforts.
"Od, this is just…"
She breathed a heavy sigh and dropped her arms, all the while continuing to stare aimlessly at the ceiling.
"This is just too much. There's no telling how many people were killed right under my nose. The mansion is in shambles. Rem is comatose. And I'm…"
She paused for a moment and decided to lament towards her father rather than herself.
"Puck, I don't know what to do. What CAN I even do at this point!"
Helplessness was not an unusual term for the girl seeing as she has always had to face impossible odds. From trying to fight against the stigma regarding her appearance, to fighting against the previous great spirit of fire, to studying for an election that would not only guarantee the lives of the many people frozen in Elior forest but would also grant her the authority of an entire country, even having to fight against a legendary assassin 3 times without being able to tell anyone the truth. Emilia is no stranger to absurd and impossible odds but this was something else entirely. This is the first time she truly didn't have an answer to her situation. She was truly directionless.
She has no idea if any of their previous assailants were out there lurking, waiting to attack again. She had no idea how many people were attacked or killed within the village. Everyone in the mansion was worse for wares and above all, there was nothing she could do to change it. There wasn't a single thing she could do to change this… nothing at all except-
"Emilia."
Upon hearing her father call out her name the Half-elf snapped out her daze, shuddering for even considering such an act. It was completely immoral. It went against everything she stood for. She wasn't above sacrificing herself but to commit the action herself?
'N-no… no I won't do that.'
She concluded her thoughts and proceeded to lock eyes with the floating feline. His eyes were still saddened but conviction was ever present. He had clearly made up his mind on what the next course of action was, eliciting a slight wave of euphoria from the girl.
Here she was contemplating the worst act imaginable while her father had already come up with a plan. Her father always knew best. He was always the voice of reason. He was there for her when she needed him most. And just like always, he would have a solution to save as many people as they could and bring everything back to normal. He would-
"I think it's time we leave."
"..."
"..."
Pure silence. The Half-elf had to take a moment to process what she just heard. Every expectation she had towards him was betrayed once he uttered those words. Never in a million years did she think her kind, protective and loving father would even consider such a thing let alone say it with such conviction. The person in front of her might as well be a stranger after uttering those words.
"...What?"
"Lia, please understand. We can't-"
"Puck you can't be serious! We can't just leave! After everything that's happened you want to just!.."
Her voice continued to increase in octaves as she yelled at her father. The feline himself showed no visible reaction. Either because he knew it would elicit an outburst in the first place or because his resolve had already been hardened enough to ignore it entirely.
"I cannot under good conscience allow you to stay here. I don't know why those assassins showed up but frankly I don't care. Your safety is my top priority."
His voice held no hesitation or compromise. His resolution was ever apparent but the Half-elf didn't care.
She wanted a solution, not an escape. Did he see all this as trivial? Did he think fixing all this was impossible? Did he not even care enough to try? To be so adamant about just abandoning everyone…how little faith did he have in her?
"Puck you idiot!"
She wouldn't accept that. Not after everything she's been through. After everything that Subaru went through. He was obviously unaware of it but he was essentially trampling on all of Emilia's efforts.
"This isn't just about me! What about Rem?! What about the village?!"
Even if she were to leave, who's to say that the assailants wouldn't just follow her? Where would the two of them even go?
What if everyone perished once she left? She knew nothing. He knew nothing. Yet their approach towards the situation was entirely opposite. For the first time since she met puck, she was genuinely angry with him.
"What about-"
"And what exactly can we do about it all?!"
Puck was actually yelling. Not at someone else but at her. She had never been on the receiving end of this so she didn't know how to react. For the first time since she could remember, her father was actually yelling at her.
"This isn't something we can fix and even if we could it's far too dangerous!"
Despite his reasons and the shock of being yelled at, Emilia stood her ground. Subaru made a promise to her to stay by her side and unbeknownst to him, that promise went both ways. Promises were one thing she could never compromise on.
"So we just leave it all behind and leave! What about Subaru? You promised to teach him magic right!? What about the forest!? How can I become king if I…"
She clutched her hands with a look of confliction. The idea of becoming the king of an entire nation was starting to become a truly unreachable concept for her. If this event was simply one of many trials she would have to face on her pursuit of the throne then...No, giving up was never an option. To many people rested on her candidacy. The fate of too many people, frozen in ice, henged on her seeing this to the end. She knew all this but it didn't make it any easier to swallow.
"I can't give up…"
Puck took head of her words. It was obvious from the conflicted look in his eyes. He of all people knew how important promises were. How much weight they carried. A sliver of pride grew in the great spirts heart for staying true to her word and encouraging him to do the same but it didn't matter. No matter how much it ached him to seem like a hypocrite, especially at this moment, there was one thing he could never compromise on.
"And I can't lose you Emilia…"
"Puck your not-"
"YOU ALMOST DIED LIA!!"
Any composure the great spirit at this point was gone. He had finally lost all patience as he began to scream out his frustrations.
"YOU! ALMOST! DIED!"
He yelled each work out with as much emphasis as he could muster. His hair's were standing on end from the anxiety of remembering the most traumatic event of his life and having to show such vulnerability.
"AND I WAS…I was there. I could've stopped it from happening but…"
His tail alongside his ears were hanging low as he tried to recompose himself.
"I tried y'know? I tried so hard to keep it together. These past few days after we returned from the capital I tried to hold on to the belief that everything would eventually be alright. The night terrors, the lack of sleep, the outbursts. You were hurting but there was nothing I could do but stand by your side and try to comfort you. It ached my soul to feel your emotions and sense that glowing warmth be corroded with constant stress but I had to believe that it would pass…for your sake and my own."
The floating feline fell onto the bed, now sitting on Emilia's lap. His tears fell down the sheets but evaporated once they made contact with them.
"But after seeing you like that…bloodied on the floor I."
He took a heavy breath before continuing.
"I-I lashed out…alot more than I would like to admit. I blamed Beatrice, I blamed Subaru, I especially blamed Roswaal for he wasn't even present. But now that you're awake and seeing you blaming yourself for it all… it's fairly obvious that there's no one to blame here but me. It was my responsibility to keep you safe. To keep you out of harm's way…"
The Half-elf didn't know what to make of it all. Gratitude? Appreciation? Gulit? What was even the proper response after hearing all of that?
"I'm sorry Emilia. I've been a terrible father but please listen to me when I say this."
Puck began to float once more and was now eye level with the person he loved most.
"Leave this place."
Emilia had never seen her father this vulnerable. Seeing Pucks bright aqua blue eyes quiver from both love and shame, it truly made the Half-elf question many things. Would Puck have really moved on like she thought he would after each loop. She thought Beatrice was enough but now she wasn't so sure.
She was so accustomed to being of no real importance. So use to being hated for simply existing, all except Puck. For the past 7 years it was her and Puck against the world but now that was no longer the case. When she saw Puck reunite with his long lost sibling, she was happy for them but also incredibly sad. She was never the jealous type but it was hard pill to swallow that Puck would one day find someone he loved more then her or perhaps there already was someone and he just hadn't told her.
It was a thought that made her want to vomit but it also kept her grounded. It taught her that eventually everyone would leave her. Even the ones she never wanted to let go of. It's what allowed her to push forward despite the pain of death. Even if she were to fail everyone would eventually move on, that is what allowed her to keep going and try to save everyone because regardless of if she failed or succeed, none of them really cared for her.
But now... her mindset wavered. If Puck was someone that cared for her well-being this much despite having someone else he loved. If Puck was this emotional from this near death experience.
Then how would he react if she had truly died...
"Puck I…"
Subaru kept walking. He didn't know were his destination was but that didn't matter. He needed something, anything to distract him from the toxic thoughts that clouded his mind. His overall usefulness that day could be summed up to zero. No it was even worse then that, he was a liability. If he was stronger, more alert, smarter, more capable, perhaps things wouldn't be as bad as they were.
"Damnit…"
Negative thoughts swirled in his head at an unrelenting pace. It wasn't his fault that all this happened, he knew that much but that wasn't the problem. If he wasn't useful then he was a hindrance, it was as simple as that. Wasn't the whole point of learning magic to be better? To protect the people he cared about? To no longer be that shut-in that wallowed in his own shortcomings in life? To be more like-.
"Natsuki Subaru."
The voice sent a chill up Subarus' spine. It was heavy and laced with a noticeable amount of authority and possible venom. This voice belonged to the ever eccentric court mage, Roswaal L. Mathers, standing in a room alongside a dreary looking Ram and a bedridden Rem. He gave a sharp glance to his side, looking Subaru directly in the eyes. His face was neutral but from the way he positioned himself with his arms crossed and his finger tapping on his bicep, it was clear he was not in the best mood.
"Tell me, is Emilia faring any better?"
"S-shes awake now. She seems to be alright for the most part but."
"But?"
"She wanted to know what happened to Petra and…"
A short pause. It was maybe no longer then ten seconds but for Subaru the silence felt like an eternity.
"I imagine she didn't take it too well."
"Y-Yeah."
Another uncomfortable silence festerd. Roswaal took his left hand over his face. His expression was not a look of concern or worry. The way his eyebrows were strained it seemed that he was frustrated or rather disappointed.
"*Sigh* Me and that cat hardly get along but we can agree on one thing."
His arms went to his sides. Moving his body towards Subarus, he locked his heterochomic eyes with Subaru.
"You truly are an enigma, Natsuki Subaru."
He took a step forward. The boy instinctively took a step back.
"Tell me. How long do you intend to continue this?"
Those words only confused the boy further.
"Surely this is not the future you intend to strive for."
What was he insinuating? Those he think I'm some sort of spy? If so why confront me like this? What did he want me to say? What did he expect me to do?
These questions and many more lingered in the boys head as he desperately tried to understand the situation he was in.
"This outcome cannot be satisfactory for you."
Questions upon questions stacked on top of each other as the boy tried to grasp what the point of these accuaations were.
"What are you-"
"Did Rem attack you?"
Subaru had momentarily questioned his own hearing after the clown uttered those words. The way Roswaal asked that, it was as if he was certain that Rem's condition was entirely due to this factor. A factor that Subaru was entirely unaware of. He couldn't claim to know the maid all to well. The first three days he spent with her before the attack were pleasant but by no means could he say he was necessarily close to her. That being said he knew, or atleast he thought he knew, that the two of them were getting along pretty well. Well enough to not have to worry about getting attacked by her atleast.
So why, despite knowing all of this and knowing Rem had showed him no harm. Why couldn't Subaru confidently refute his teacher's words. He could question his intent but for some reason, Subaru could not vehemently defend her.
"Did Rem attack- No! W-Why would she a-attack me!?"
He stuttered though his words. His mind and soul were wavering under Roswaals piercing gaze.
"Then explain to me why you have allowed this to happen."
He knew he was innocent. There was nothing he could've down. He was just a bystander in all of this.
That is what he wanted to believe with all his heart but the way Roswaal questioned him made him unsure of his position. If he thought he was behind the attack then he would understand. It would be frustrating to have to explain himself but atleast he would have a basis and an understanding of his teacher's intent. Yet this was not what Roswaal was implying.
"Roswaal s-sir. I-I don't know what you want me to say I-."
It wasn't that he thought he was a spy or in cahoots with the assassins that attacked. No if that were the case he would he imprisoned by now and interrogated along with the other two captives. This was different.It was as if he expected Subaru to prevent all this.
The thought made Subaru's skin crawl in discomfort. Somehow that was even worse then being considered an enemy. It reminded him of the insurmountable expectations he had to live up to before coming here.
If what Roswaal was saying was true.
If he truly could've prevented all this but didn't.
If he was in a world were he could do magic and fight crazy assassins yet nothing about him had truly changed.
If he was simply wasting his life away once again, then he was truly irredeemable.
"I'm sorry..."
That is all he could mutter.
All it did was cause the court mage to scoff at him.
"If your asking for pity you will find none here. Emilia and Beatrice knew about the attack yet my dear maids did not. Care to explain why?"
Yet another factor he was entirely unaware of.
"W-wait wait a minute! Emilia kne-"
Before he could get his words out the pink haired maid had tackled him and slammed him to the ground. Her forearm was shoved onto the boys neck causing him to squirm for air.
"YOU KNEW!!"
Her voice radiated pure and raw anger to a degree he had never seen before seen on any human being. No, calling her human at this point would be a discourteous term for what the being on top of him was.
"YOU KNEW AND YOU SAID NOTHING!!"
This women was no longer capable of rashonal thought, Subaru realized. He struggled to push her arm off of his throat so he could shout the incantation for his new spell but Ram was relentless. Even with just one arm she had completely subdued Natsuki Subaru with very little effort on her end.
The idea of his life being snuffed out due to a misunderstanding, and so easily at that, made the boys blood boil. With what little cognitive function he had left, he remembered the lessons he was given from Puck on his second day here. In practice he would pull it off relatively easy but with the force of a fanatical demon trying to crush your windpipe, the task become astronomically harder. Still he had no choice but to try and replicate his steps. As fast as he could, mana began to circulate In his arms. Wrists, forearms, biceps, triceps, back muscles, his body began to tense and heat up from the foreign energy that molded into his body.
Agonizingly slowly but surely, the pressure from his neck began to relieve as he pushed the maids singular arm off of him with both of his. Subaru gritted his teeth as he began to gain leverage despite being on the ground.
Ram noticed his resistance and raised her right arm. Loathing of greater magnitude simmered in her heart as winds began to form around her hand. Her eyes might as well be blood shot with how much red she was seeing.
Subaru, from the corner of his eye, saw the raised hand and automatically assumed the worst. With extraneous effort, he pushed her left arm of to the side and immediately conjured his right fist to the girl's abdomen. With foreign power already pouring into his arm, he forged the mana to exude outside his hand, forming unrefined but powerful winds around it. Unlike Rams aura, which was clear to the naked eye, Subarus aura had a heavy green tint to it.
The two were so close that they could kiss but neither would acknowledge it as they both prepaid a devastating attack on the other. One out rage and another out of desperation, whoevers attack landed first would decide this brief but brutle struggle.
"EL-FUR-!"
"EL-SAF-!'
Before she could end the boys existence, she was stopped by the court mage with a sly smile on his face. His hand had grabbed onto Ram's, causing the winds around her to disipate.
Roswaal took it upon himself to raise her off the ground with little effort and let go of her hand once the two were out of striking zone for one another.
Just as he did, a burst of green energy bursted from Subaru's hand. The cyclone of mana and wind was strong enough to hit the ceiling and create a small crater.
Subaru would've basked in awe at how effective his new spell was but was too focused on scurrying onto his feet and getting as far away from the pink demon as fast as possible. His head was throbbing from panic, pain and adrenaline. His windpipe was beyond sour and his right arm seared in pain but he could barely notice it. His fight or flight instincts allowed him to tune out anything that wasn't life threatening at the moment.
"Roswaal-Sama! Why are you stopping me!"
"Now noooooow my dear Ram. Perhaps I was a little too haaaaaisty with my judgment. Subaru-kuuuuun if you have something to saaaaay now would be the time to prove your innocence."
Subaru was coughing and wheezing but he was able to hear his teacher just fine. Once he did a scowl of rage formed on his face.
"...My innocence?"
The absurdity of it all.
"You've got to be shitting me."
The numerous misunderstandings.
"You think I planned all this?! You think I WANTED Rem, Emilia and Petra to end up like this!?"
The horrifying sights he had witnessed.
"I've been almost sliced in half…"
The days he spent here.
"I was cursed and didn't even know it…"
The ignorance he carried in this world.
"I was almost decapitated…"
The feeling of death crawling on his skin time and time again.
"I've had to see the people I care about get hurt over and over while I stood by being useless!"
All of it was crushing the boys psyche yet here his teacher was, chastating him for things he couldn't possibly have known?
"And worst of all I still don't know what the hell is going on! Everyone knows what there doing! Everyone knew exactly what to do and when to do it meanwhile Ive been been punching the air trying to comprehend all the shit thats common sense for the rest of you!"
He was the weakest, the most ignorant. He had no redeeming qualities except for his above average tenacity, yet once again impossible expectations were placed on him.
"It's a miracle that I've made it this far!"
He clutched his head with his left hand as a response to the immense frustration.
"I'm so weak… So useless! So please tell me..."
He slammed his hand into the nearby by wall as he screamed his lungs out.
"What the fuck did you expect me to do!?"
His voice cracked and broke as he poured out every toxic thought that clouded his mind.
Rams eyes bulged in confliction from the boys desperate words meanwhile Roswaal face returned to its neutral fashion.
"Truly you are one enigmatic boy. You have the power to change the world if you so chose yet you believe yourself to be incapable of anything."
With those words he grabbed onto Ram's hand.
"Play the victim all you want but we both know you could've prevented this."
With slow and deliberate steps, he walked past Subaru alongside Ram and began to walk towards the door.
"You know exactly what you need to do. You simply lack the resolve to act on it."
Without even looking at the boy, the eccentric man and conflicted Oni left the room.
Subaru simply stood there, not even blinking. From the outside looking it one would assume that he was staring at the bed ridden maid in maybe guilt or shock or anger but it was none of these, atleast not directly due to her. If anything he was staring passed her. Looking off into an infinite void.
How does one even process what he just heard. He was undoubtedly the weakest one here yet one of the strongest men he knew, his teacher, believed him able to change all this. Somehow his small hands could keep everyone safe. Somehow he could've prevented this. Somehow he could really be like-
"Dad…"
He finally focused his pupils onto the sleeping women as he muttered the name of the person that he disappointed. Someone he so desperately wanted to emulate.
"Mom…"
He turned on his heels and began to walk out of the room. Muttering the name he respected above all else in his old world. The person he wanted to make amends with the most.
"Beako…Rem…Felt…Rein…"
He muttered the names of everyone he met so far. Each one had something to contribute. Some were powerful. Some were intelligent. Some were crafty. They were all capable of so much, so much more than him. All of them in Subarus position would've done so much more. It was no longer self loathing but a simple fact. His presence amounted to nothing and it would stay that way so long as he allowed it.
"...P-Petra…'
That's why he couldn't accept it. If he truly could've prevented that girl's death. If he truly could've saved everyone then he had to try. He had to be better, if not for himself then for-
"Emilia-Sama, your tea."
"...Thank you Ram"
Silence festerd across the dining room table. The tense atmosphere was easy to notice but nobody was willing to acknowledge it.
Beatrice, Ram, Roswaal and Emilia were all present to discuss there next course of action. A multitude of problems have arised sense the attack on the manor and they were all to be addressed during the meeting.
The first was damage control. They needed to access how many casualties their were in total and estimate the total property damage caused from the assault.
A simple enough task but by far the most emotionally draining, especially for Emilia. Having to face the villagers for the first time was hard enough but doing it for the deceased, for the people she could've saved, was crushing.
The second task would be a thorugh investigation of the area. It's been two days but there was a slight chance that there might be lingering attackers waiting to ambush them at a moment's notice. With Rams clairvoyance, Roswaals air maneuverability, Beatrice's mana sense and Pucks ability to read emotions, all in all finding any lingering threats would be tedious but by no means impossible.
The third and final task would be to report everything that has occurred to the Royal knights within the capital. It was an unanimous aggrement amongst everyone, including Emilia. There was no saving face regarding this event when foreign invaders were involved let alone a valkine.
Of course some things would have to be ommited such as the mention of "mama" as that could be linked to Elsa and by extension would lead to an investigation regarding how they are connected. While not necessarily a bad thing, if it were to lead into the involvement of Felt and by extension Reinhard then the latter would have to report everything that transpired that day, including her insigina being stolen by another canidate.
This was just one of the many landmines Emilia had avoided due to Roswaals advice.
"I must saaaaayyy, things are looking aweeeeefully bleak at the moment."
The court mage was sitting at the front of the rectangular table with his hands interlocked under his chin. A nonchalant smile adorned his face, a stark contrast to the heavy atmosphere.
"Enough with your idol glibness clown. If that is all then I will be doing constant surveillance within the mathers domain infact."
The great spirit smeared at Roswaal sickly demeanor, eliciting nothing but a shrug from the indifferent court mage.
"Dully nooooooted."
"Are you alright Betty?"
Roswaal voice became noticeably softer after he asked that question. The great spirt raised her brow out this.
"If your referring to the injury that bird gave me then... I do not know."
While she was in a better condition compared to all the other participants in the fight, Beatrice wasn't sparred from Injures either. The black wound on her arm wouldn't go away no matter what she did. Each time she extracted it through various means, the black substance would come back to the exact same area. Her vast library held nothing that was related to the black substance. While it didn't harm her, it was incredibly inconvenient and sometimes itchy.
"I see"
Roswaal took a breath and his smile came back in full.
"NOW THEN!"
He said as he clasped his hands together.
"I will take it upon myself to pay respect towards arlam villaaaaage and there recently deceased."
"T-Then I'll-"
"Emilia-Samaaaaaaa, you will stay within the mansion for the time beeeeeeeing alongside Ram."
Her attempt to contribute in a meaningful way was shut down by the eccentric court mage.
"Ill admit you have shown greeeeeat aptitude with your ability to rule. Ive heard from Beatrice regarding how you defended the mansion while i was away. If not for youuuuu the situation could've been severely worse."
"Then let me hel-"
"However"
His eyes turned sharp eliciting a slight yelp from Emilia.
"You are in no condition to be in any sort of danger. You fought valiantly but all are efforts would be in vain should you perish. You are the king of this chessboard, a king need not fight when there are many pieces at your disposal."
"I-I"
Her hands were tied. She wanted to help any way she could but her sponsor was right in a sense. She didnt agree with his anology of her being the most important piece but throwing her life away was no longer an-NEVER-it was never an option. Not just because it would devastate Puck but simply because it would be wrong in every sense of the word.
"I understand Roswaal, I wish you luck. And Beatrice."
"Hmm?"
"Please be careful."
"...im far to old to elicit worry from you."
Emilia raised a slight eyebrow in confusion but then internally reminded herself that the little girl was probably the oldest one here. With a curt nod, Emilia excused herself and headed to her room with Ram following shortly behind. With many thoughts still lingering her mind, all she could do was pray for Roswaal and Beatrice's safety.
Emilia didn't know where to begin. She didn't even know how to process what to do from this point on. Never in her life had she questioned her own resolve like this.
As she walked across the corridor towards her temporary room, she couldn't help but wonder what her next step was. It was all so simple just a week ago. Study for the royal selection, gain support for her canidacy, obtain the blood of the divine dragon by becoming queen and unfreeze the people within the frozen forest... Alright simple may not have been the best term but it was a solid plan nonetheless. One she was confident In seeing all the way through. Not necessarily succeeding but atleast going until the bitter end. Now after hearing Pucks words and lamenting on that horrendous night, her resolve was beginning to falter.
"Emilia-Sama are you faring alright? You seem to be struggling somewhat."
Emilia jumped ever so slightly after hearing the maids voice. She was so quite that it was easy to forget she wasn't alone at the moment.
"H-Huh? No I'm fine I'm just...*sigh* sorry I just have a lot on my mind is all."
"I understand should you need my assistance in escorting you do not hesitate to ask."
"R-right, Thank you."
Emilia stopped walking again and began to face the maid. Her mind was in a million places at once but the least she could do was give her condolences to the person that suffered just as much as her.
"I'm sorry... for what happened to Rem. She saved my life that day and I'm eternally grateful for it."
Ram didn't even raise a brow at the apology.
"Think nothing of it. Rem was simply doing her duty as a maid of the mathers domain, I would expect no less from her."
Emilia was perplexed at how dry her response was but technically nothing the way she spoke was out of the ordinary so there was no point in pressing on the matter. Still it did feel a little unsettling with how professional she was about the whole ordeal. Subaru said she was taking Rem's condition hard so it was jarring seeing her act like nothing changed.
"I see...Still I owe her a huge dept."
" You owe her much more than that."
"I'm sorry did you say something?"
"Ram was recounting the chores that I'll need reschedule since Barusu's assistance will no longer be factored in."
Upon hearing his name a wave of different emotions swirled with the girls mind. Hesitation, regret, frustration, and above all guilt for putting him in that compromising position two days ago. She internally pushed these feelings aside as a questions upon questions popped up.
"Hmm? What do you mean by that? Actually come to think of it where was Subaru during the meeting?"
Ram's brow furrowed ever so slightly.
"If your asking me, Ram those not know. I would've assumed he had told you his whereabouts."
"No, we didn't exactly leave on the best of terms... Regardless I'm sure he's fine."
"As you say Emilia-sama"
With that quick evaluation out of the way her concern for Subaru was there but it clear he wasn't in any danger. If he's in the mansion he would be under Beatrice's protection and if he was outside then he most surely be under Roswaals watchful eye. All I'm all there were bigger concerns at the moment with her planning her next course of action. Plus there was also the fact tha-
"*Gasp*!!"
Emilia clutched her chest as she felt something tug at it with the force of a canine. Her senses were on high alert as she began to connect the dots on this disgustingly familiar feeling.
"Emilia-Sama!?"
"Ram we need to find Subaru RIGHT NOW!"
"Wait Emilia-Sama! Where are you-?!"
The maids words landed on deaf ear. Her bare feat nearly dented the floor with how fast she was running. She didn't know were she was going. Only that she needed to be outside. The only rational thought the Half-elf could muster is that despite how hard the tug on her chest wad, she could still tell that he was far away for some unknown reason. Was it instinctual or perhaps a byproduct of her curse? A question that only lasted within her mind for a second as dread started to seep into her very bones once more.
'NONONONO!'
She had reached the bottom of the mansion and was noticeable suprised with fast repairs were coming along despite the severe carnage that transpired that night. Another fleeting thought that went away just as it came. Right now she only had one priority.
' PLEASE!"
With nothing but the clothes on her back and a crystal In her pocket. Emilia ran until the wide forest engulfed her alongside the very confused maid.
'PLEASE NOT AGAIN!'