Re: A half-Elfs Journey

by ned4

Sometimes the burden cannot be held by one person. No matter how strong your will and conviction sometimes its simply to much for just one. Return by Death... a blessing and curse. No longer will the world force a single boy to go down a cascade of life changing decisions and torture all on his own. That responsibility will be given to another.

12. I wanted to be

Once again it was all falling apart. No... Emilia was long past that point. Once she found out about the demise of the one girl she tried to protect, she was on the verge of giving up right then and there and taking "extreme measures" to prevent it all.

Ultimately she stopped herself from indulging those disgusting and morbid thoughts by focusing on what she still had left. The 2 people that cared for her were safe and that alone was enough to keep pushing forward.

For this reason she needed to find Subaru before it was too late. The pain she felt from her wounds were irrelevant. Her lungs were burning and screaming for her to stop but the throbbing presense within her chest was louder. She could feel the foreign presence pull and tear away from her In certain directions. Almost acting like a makeshift compass.

While it was uncomfortable, the Half-elf was well aware of what would happen should the presence completely detach from her. The thought of losing the boy again clawed its way into her mind but she shut it down as quickly as it came. Now wasn't the time to panic, now was the time to focus.

Her sprint was clumsly and she tripped more then once due to the mental exhaustion and blood loss she's sustained over the past couple of day. With almost nothing in her stomach and an aching body that demanded rest, it was a miracle that she was still in pursuit.

With the entrance of the mansion in sight, she jumped over the damaged stairs case and sprinted towards the woods. She didn't have a plan or even a concept of what she would do once she was actually in the forest but none of that mattered. All that mattered in this moment was finding Suba-

BAM

Before she could make it to the nearest tree, Emilia fell to the ground, hard. She pushed herself up to her knees to see what had happened, only to see Ram standing over her. The maid was breathing heavily but her composure was much better than Emilia's. Once the two made eye contact Emilia's face formed into a scowl.

"*huff* Ram *huff* what are you doing?!"

"Shouldn't I *huff* be you asking you that, *huff* Emilia-Sama?"

Before continuing she extended her hand towards Emilia. The Half-elf reluctantly took it and brought herself back up but not without glaring at Ram.

"Roswaal-Sama's instructions were very clear. Stay within the mansion where its safe. So why, pray tell, are you sprinting towards the mabeast infested forest?"

Rams tone was more on the accusatory side rather then simple questioning.

Emilia mind was too focused on the task at hand to notice it and decided to brush Rams questions aside.

"Look I don't have time to explain but Subarus in trouble right now!"

"Your safety is everyone's top priority. If you are worried about that boy then I'm sure Roswaal-Sama will take it upon himself to look for-"

"No Ram you don't get it! It'll be too late by then! Subarus is-"

"Irrelevant. As far as I'm concerned he should be the least of your worries. Your are still heavily injured and there could still be enemies or mabeasts lingering In the forest. You might he willing to take that risk but I will not."

Ram had positioned herself between Emilia and the ever expanding forest. A clear sign that she was making herself an obstacle rather then an ally at the moment.

Emilia didn't have the patience to explain why she was acting the way she was. Every moment she spent here could result in Subaru's demise.

"Ram... this isn't up for debate... I need you to please step aside and if you can't leave me be then accompany me. Either way I'm going."

Emilia side stepped away from Ram and headed towards the forest without looking back. She knew Ram was a neutral party amongst the people she resided with. Trying to change her mind on anything was nearly impossible. Even if she could, it would be taking up valuable time she couldn't afford to lose. She understood that she would be going on this endeavor alone and had comes to terms with it.

"...Very well. I cannot force you to stay and neither can I leave you be."

Emilias ears perked up upon hearing the maids words. She looked back towards Ram with suprise evident on her face.

"Ram, I thought you-:

"Come. We must head towards Arlam village. They might have seen the boy. With luck, Roswaal-Sama will still be present once we arrive"

As she said this she walked towards the road that lead to Arlam village.

The Half-elf had a look of bafflement on her face. Ram was never one to change her mind on...well... anything. She half expected Ram to stop her from going. Something wasn't adding up.

' Whatever reasons she has I'm glad I'm not doing this alone.'

With her thougts concluded, she rushed towards Ram's side and followed her lead but not without showing a bit of gratitude.

"...Thank you Ram."

"I am simply doing my duty as your maid, Emilia-Sama. Nothing more nothing less."

10 minutes passed as the two walked along the path towards the nearby village. Emilias anxiousness started to cool once she no longer felt the foreign presence pulling at her. A clear sign that Subaru wasn't in danger. Or atleast that's what she's led to believe. All in all there was no way to verify what the rules for it was. Hell, the Half-elf didn't even know WHAT it was.

With her mind finally at a state of contempt, atleast for the time being, she began to once again question the mechanations of this foreign power-more specifically the foreign presence that only spikes whenever Subaru was in danger. This was the first time, since she first noticed its presense, that she began to wonder how or why it was their in the first place.

Was it a part of her ability?

Speaking of ability, it was strange that she's just now questioning the nature of it. She racked her brained on how it was even possible and why she was able to do it after carrying Subaru into the mansion his first day here but she never went too indept on the matter less she resurface very unpleasant memories. Now with no impending thoughts aside from her destination and the location of Subaru, she finally began to question just how exactly she is able to...return.

Was it a type of spell, possibly a highly advanced yin one?

'I've heard of yin spells that manipulate space but this? No-no this is something else.'

Its very nature defied all logic. It would be feasible if it was just the manipulation of time, speeding things up or slowing things down, or maybe even stopping it but to out right reverse it? And from multiple hours to days at that? It would take an insurmountable amount of mana to accomplish such a feat so the idea of this being a spell was very unlikely. Plus there was one more factor that distinguished it from other spells, it was conditional.

A disgusting and terrifying condition that made the use of this ability truly mortifying, her own death. It was set almost as a way to balance the pros and cons of such a taboo.

This was enough evidence to suggest that it wasn't a divine protection either. If it were then A. She would've been aware of her ability already and B. Every divine protection serves to benefit its user. While some may have minor drawbacks, the user typically receives nothing but positives no matter how absurd the ability it. They are not factored on a scale to determine the backlash of using the ability.

They are Od given rights.

From what she could conclude, this ability wasn't a spell and It wasn't a divine protection either. A curse perhaps? It would be quite fitting considering how much she was terrified of it but just because conditions needed to be made didn't automatically make it a curse. Questions upon questions continued to stack in her mind as she had no way of solving them on her own. She knew It would be fruitless to actually discuss it with anyone but she would be lying if it wasn't tempting to discover the true nature of this foreign power.

Smack

She smacked her own cheek. Hard enough to leave a red mark.

'Enough of that. There's no point in even indulging In those kinds of thoughts.'

She mentally chided herself for thinking of sharing the knowledge of this ability with anyone. She knew the consequences of telling anyone about this power so there was no point in continuing the thought. No amount of curiosity was worth the life of someone she cared for. Especially when she's in the middle of finding, and/or saving, said person.

Ram haulted her steps and took a look behind her to see what the commotion was. Once she saw the red mark on her ladies face she couldn't help but question her.

"Emilia-Sama, is something the matter?"

"Huh? Oh no don't worry. I was just bolstering my resolve is all."

Ram looked at her with mild confusion but went back to her neutral expression as quickly as it came.

"I see... we have arrived Emilia-Sama."

The situation was grim. She knew the village would be dreadful considering the circumstances but to actually see it in person...

From the looks of it they had arrived shortly after the official memorial. All of the villagers were gathered within the middle of area. Slowly but surely they each began to walk away from the center with expressions ranging from mild gloominess to complete melancholy.

Emilia threw all caution to the wind once she saw the amount of bodies within the center. Her original idea was to simply ask each person 1 on 1 after they all payed there respects to the deceased. What she didn't account for was the pattern with the deceased. None of the villagers noticed the Half-elf until she was pushing against the crowd to get a better look at the victims. The closer she got, the further her heart sunk as she saw corpse after corpse. She couldn't identify any of them due to there bodies being covered by white robed but one thing was constant. They were all children.

Emilia put her hand to her mouth as she now had a clear view of the many casualties that she could've prevented. Little girl's and little boy's... all of their lives snuffed out before they even had a chance to live them.

Staring down at the many body's laid across the floor. She failed to realize that she had subsequently made herself the focal point of everyone's attention.

Smack*

Emilia winced ever so slightly. A slight amount of pain eroded her left arm. She looked to her left and saw a rock hit the ground. Her peripheral vision caught site of who the culprit was. A women with long orange hair and teal eyes looked at her with visible disdain. Her arm was stretched out, presumably from throwing the rock, and a red ribbon was tied around her wrist. It was hard to tell from a glance but certain spots on the ribbon seemed darker. Perhaps a simple stain of water but considering the resemblance this women had with the little girl that was eaten in half, it was easy to guess that the ribbon was a memento of sorts and that stain was most definitely not water or some other regular substance.

"YOU!"

The women screeched in anger as she prepared another rock.

"YOU DID THIS DIDN'T YOU!?"

Emilia looked at her in shock. What was she being yelled at for? Was it due to her appearance? She brushed it aside and decided to focus on the task at hand. Verbal lashings were nothing new to the girl.

"Um. I-Im sorry for any in-inconvenience i caused but I wanted to ask if you've seen-"

"HOW DARE YOU!"

Another rock was thrown. This time Emilia gave a swift dodge. Despite the irrational rage thrown towards her, Emilia could only hold sympathy for the women.

"Look I understand how I look may cause you to get the wrong idea but I promise you it's just a resemblance."

"Shut the fuck up witch!"

This time it was another villager that spoke up.

"Stop feigning ignorance as if you didn't know what was going on!"

Emilia flinched at that remark. The man was right but oh so wrong in his accusation. Technically she did know of an attack and it was her lack of vigilance that caused her to overlook the possibility of a wide spread attack. That being said her hands were already filled to the brim with problems from the mansion alone. She knew it was irrational to take the blame for it all but who else was there to blame but her? She had the most knowledge of the attack. She knew when they would attack and instead of preparing for the coming attack, she wallowed in self pity until the night before they arrived.

"Those servants of yours come to visit ONE TIME and suddenly were overrun with mabeasts!"

Another villager spoke up.

"We even sent a couple of our own to your mansion for help and NOBODY showed up!"

Upon hearing this Emilia's stomach churned. It was worse then she thought. This was more than simple neglect, they think she was responsible for it.

"Thats-"

"We would've understood if they were targeting randomly but somehow all the children became cursed shortly after the battle started, EXPLAIN THAT!"

Emilia wanted to refute their words and clear up the misunderstanding but she just...couldn't. From the constant barrage of accusations to the intricate lies she'd have to web to explain herself in order to avoid mentioning the taboo, the weight of it all was becoming unbearable.

"Why... why did this happen?... Where was Roswaal? Where were YOU when my child was being mauled!?"

The orange haired women spoke up again. She no longer held a look of hatred but one that was striken with grief.

"Why...why"

The lady dropped down to her knees and began to sob uncontrollably.

The villagers increased the volumes of their accusations as they slowly surrounded her.

The Half-elf stood there in shock. Everything was beginning to tune out for her as she starred at the sunken women, not noticing the villagers that were beginning to close in on her with various weapons in hand.

"Monster!"

The Half-elf didn't know what to do.

"You should've never came here!"

What could she have done?

"This is all your fault!"

Why was this...

"WITCH!"

WHOOSH

Before the angry mob could get any closer a gust a wind had blew them off their feet.

Emilia came out of her stupor to see what had happened. Ram had her hand extended into the sky and a wand in her hand.

"Enough!"

Her voice was razor-sharp and reverberated across the entire area, causing all the villagers to shrink back in fear.

"I can assure you all that Emilia-Sama and Roswaal-Sama had no awareness of your plight otherwise they would've done everything they could've to save each and every lost soul here!"

Everyone looked at her incredulously. She was speaking on behalf of the two people she served so her opinion of them would obviously be considered biased. Nevertheless they didn't express these thoughts due to the sheer passion and fear she admitted.

"I understand how this all may seem but you lot are not the only victims here. We were also attacked that night and suffered casualties as well. I sincerely apologize on behalf of my dear Master but his hands were tied trying to protect all those he cared for including you all."

The villagers had never seen the maid expressions change any more than an eyebrow raise so the fact that she was being so adamant, when she herself was also a victim of the attack, left them dumbfounded. Emilia most of all considering she expected Ram to blame her especially. The Half-elf neglected to tell the twins about the attack beforehand, causing them to both get injured. If anyone was to blame for her sisters dire state it was her.

"Emilia-Sama is no different. Had she known of the attack she would've come to your aid, this I can assure you! We will find those responsible. We will make them pay for there crimes. And we will make sure they feel our pain a hundred times over!"

A defeaning silence echoed across the field, with nothing but the chirping of birds and flowing wind occupying their ears. The maid took a moment to catch her breath and steadied her heart. With her speech done she put her wand away and clapped her hands together to draw everyone out of their stupor.

"Now then... has anyone seen a black haired idiot around here."

She said with a her usual look of indifference.

Silence festerd between the two of them as they trudged through the increasingly dense forest.

Emilia was deep in thought over what she witnessed. She thought she had a good understanding of who Ram was but after that she wasn't so sure. She never expected Ram to vehemently defend her like that. She had no reason to... but she did. It was strange, it wasn't out of character per say but it was definitely unexpected.

Nevertheless she was grateful that Ram did what she did, not because she defended her but because she was able to do what she couldn't and got the villagers to listen to her. Had Emilia been alone she would've gotten nowhere with them and would've had to search for Subaru completely blind. She was beyond grateful for the support. She didn't know if what Ram said was truly genuine or if she was just saying what the masses needed to hear but nevertheless she couldn't help but feel warm inside.

As they walked, the path they took began to go downward across a slope. It didn't stop there stride but the decline was becoming noticeable. They continued to walk in silence until Ram abruptly stopped.

Emilia stopped on her achille's, right behind Ram. She looked at her with mild confusion.

"Ram, why are we stopping?"

The maid didn't say anything. She didn't even turn around. The silence was making the Half-elf increasingly uncomfortable.

"Emilia-Sama, I have a question."

"Yes?"

She said with a hint of caution.

"What is your relationship with Subaru?"

This question caught the Half-elf off guard.

"My relationship? I guess you could say he's a friend."

"And how long have you known him?"

"Well the first time I've met him was in the capital so...why are you asking this Ram?"

Ram didn't answer. She paused for a moment before turning around to face her.

"Do you know where he comes from? His age? His origins? He has a family name, have you never questioned what his position could've been prior to meeting you?"

'Where was she going with this? The questions themselves might not be out of the ordinary considering suabru's strange background but why was she asking them now of all times? Why didn't she ask about him back at the capital or his first day here?'

It was frankly ridiculous that she was using the little time they had to ask these questions. As such Emilia decided to shut down her questions and try to focus on the task at hand.

"Look Ram, if you want to know more about Subaru then ask him yourself when we-"

"There was nothing Emilia-sama."

Her gaze became razor-sharp while her voice became noticeably more agitated.

"During his stay here I was tasked with uprooting the boys origins while Rem kept an eye on him. Yet I found nothing..."

Emilia looked at her incredulously. All of this was unnecessarily and frankly redundant. If she was so curious about Subaru then all she would've have to do was ask him about it just like Emilia had done. Having zero background was a given considering how foreign Subaru's hometown was. The boy had gone into extensive detail about his past whenever they conversed so it was fairly obvious that he wasn't from any known region, it wouldn't even be a stretch to say he was from beyond the great water fall. Subaru had been an open book since the day Emilia had met the boy so these lines of questioning seemed asinine.

"Well maybe he has his reasons Ram but I don't see how-"

"Emilia, Just Emilia, one of the few elves remaining. For the past 7 years you were located within Elior forest. From what I can infer you were one of the many individuals stuck in suspension due to the snow blizzard that has blighted the land for over a hundred years. You, alongside your contracted spirit, managed to defeat the previous great spirit of fire, Melakuera. Shortly after the event you were discovered by Roswaal-Sama and was bestowed the dragons insignia, proving yourself to be a rightful canidate to the thrown. Your reasons for accepting are unknown but I can infer from your naivety and your heritage, that you wish to end discrimination for all races and perhaps help the unfortunate souls that are presumably still alive."

Emilia looked at her with genuine shock. She wasn't exactly keeping any of that a secret but the fact that she knows all this when they've only talked a handful of times...

The word creepy doesn't do Ram justice for how uncomfortable the Half-elf felt right now.

"Elsa Greinhart, The Bowel Hunter. Her last name has no origin. Her title was obtained due to her disgusting habit of disemboweling many of her victims. Her most noticeable actions was the successful murder of an important figure in vollachia, surviving an assault from the first divine general, attempting to kill a royal candidate, and surviving a battle against the legendary sword saint."

The Half-elf unconsciously took a few steps back.

"H-How do you know all of-"

"You won't to know what you two have in common?"

The maid took a few steps forward.

"Despite both of your notorious actions. Nether one of you is vastly none by the public. Your battle against the great spirit was seen as a natural disaster. Despite your accomplishments no one is aware of your deeds and the same could be said for Elsa. Her only trademark is that she is known for disemboweling her targets. The only reason her appearance is even known was because of her assassination in Vollachia and even that was kept under wraps due to its delegates not wanting other countries to know that they were infiltrated by a foreign invader."

Ram took a quick sigh and looked the royal canidate dead in the eyes. Her gaze was unwavering and sharp to the point that Emilia was afraid to look away.

"And yet I know. It is my job to know. To understand threats and handle them accordingly. To know the history of every resident within the mansion and to know the history of anyone that interacts with said resident."

Emilia took a moment to process what she just heard. The Half-elf knew she was a maid, a combatant, an ally, maybe even a friend someday but this?

In hindsight it all made sense. Despite reliving the same 3 days Ram had remain a constant.

Rem would become her greatest ally or her worst enemy depending on the circumstances. She wasn't exactly sure what those circumstances were but the fact remains that Rem had saved her this loop but had attempted to kill her in the other.

Beatrice's only true allegiance was towards the mansion itself but showed more sympathy towards the Half-elf this time around.

Roswaal was... Roswaal. Trying to decipher him was a fools errand but even his demeanor changed compared to the previous loop.

Ram was the only one that stayed entirely the same. The same amount of distance. The same circumstances. The same attitude. Now the Half-elf understood why. Ram was many things but an information gatherer was always her main prerogative. It was obvious in retrospect. Everything else was a second priority for her so it was no wonder she didn't change. Always the observer. Always the assessor of situations. Always the one that would not play until she had every card available. That is who Ram was.

"That includes the Valkine as well."

The maid took a quick breath to quell her anger before continuing.

"Puck-sama informed me that the odds of him surviving were slim. Slim but not impossible."

"I know of him to a certain extent. He may be powerful but on the off chance he's still alive l'll rip his wings off before he can even take flight. I dont care about winning, I just want him to suffer."

She didn't even bother hiding the venom in her words as she spoke about her sisters assailant.

"He is shrouded in mystery but I was atleast able to get a name. I was atleast able to find out his origins. I may not know why he attacked us or what his objective is but ATLEAST I know what were dealing with!"

"I know all of this and yet... there's nothing on him..."

Her eyes met the ground. Her gaze was a mixture of melancholy and frustration.

"As far as the world is concerned, the person known as Natsuki Subaru dosen't exist. It's as if he just came out of thin air."

Emilia had finally come to understand why they were having this conversation. This wasn't about the valkine or any of the attackers. This was a misunderstanding, one that was entirely Emilia's fault.

"...Ram you don't think he's-"

"There are ZERO records of him. He's been in the direct center of TWO major events. Both of which you've almost died in. He has a last name but there are no records of which household he stems from. He seems well educated but cannot read or write. He stumbles about and pretends to play the fool and until today I believed it..."

Now she understood why Ram had defended her. Ram truly believed that Emilia was completely unaware that anything would transpire that night. Now she understood the root of her suspicions. She believes that Subaru had informed her and Beatrice, not the other way around.

"Ram I get what your saying but listen. He's not-"

"He knew about the attack Emilia-Sama! He knew and informed you and Beatrice but didn't say anything to me nor my sister!"

Ram snapped her head back up and looked her dead in the eye's. Her left hand was scratching her head in a desperate attempt to try and convey how frustrating this whole ordeal was.

"Perhaps he was aware of our suspicions and desired to get rid of us. Maybe we were his target all along! Maybe he wanted to finish what those wretched cultist started!"

"Ram that's not... Subaru wouldn't-!"

"HE LET REM DIE!"

She didn't care that she was yelling at her mistress. All politeness and courtesies were gone at this point. Ram had a look of immense rage meanwhile Emilia looked at her in shock. Not because of the maids tone but because of the words themselves. She knew Rem's condition was severe but...

"B-but I thought Rem was ok!? I mean... she's getting better right?!"

Ram gave a quick snort at her naivety. Emilia never saw how truly severe her sisters injuries. She had no idea that Rem was living off of borrowed time. It would take the legendary blue healer to appear right now in order to save her.

"It's only a matter of time before Rem is gone... her wounds are too severe. I already know that. There's nothing more we could do for her... this could've been prevented if he just told us!"

This was all she could do. Find anyone to vent her anger towards. If not the valkine then the next best thing.

"Maybe I'm being delusional. Maybe all I've been doing is pinning the blame on an innocent man. Or perhaps he really is a monster wrapped within a well constructed facade. I really don't know anymore..."

Her eye's grew somber as she exposed every lingering thought in her mind all at once. Every doubt and suspicion she had was laid bare. She couldn't remember the last time she felt this exposed but she needed atleast one person to listen. Even if they wouldn't understand.

"Regardless, knowing this. After hearing everything I've just said. Do you still want to save him? Will you really protect the man that could be responsible for my sisters death?"

"Ram..."

But Emilia did understand. She understood her suspicions and why she felt the way she felt. That was why she felt an indescribable amount of guilt. Ram's distress, Rem's condition, Subaru running away, it was all her fault. Ram was right, all she had to do was just tell everyone. They could've prepared better had they've known. But they didn't know, and because they didn't know Ram needed to rationalize how Emila knew and she didn't. There would be only one plausible reason for that.

"There are... a plethora of things I want to tell you and many of them may cause you to hate me but for now there's one thing that holds priority."

This misunderstanding was entirely Emilia's fault. As such she would eventually have to tell Ram that it was her that informed Subaru and Beatrice of the attack. She would have to tell her and severe whatever bond they could've had right then and there.

"Ram I promise you this."

She looked Ram dead in the eyes.

"Subaru is innocent."

A short silence festerd between the two until a heavy scowl appeared on the oni's face

"You-!"

"Ghk!"

Emilia clutched her chest and landed on her knee. The pull felt as if it was vibrating her entire body.

"Emilia-Sama!"

Ram's previous anger melted into worry in response to her ladies condition. She knelted infront of her and inspected her.

"Are you alright!?"

"Ram... we need to go...NOW!"

5 minutes prior

"Fuck me..."

Those two words were a good synopsis of what was going through the boys head at the moment. His legs felt like they were on fire from all the running he'd done but that was the least of his worries right now.

"Awoooh!"

A carnivorous dog flanks him from the left but the boy heard the rustle of bushes long before the beast pounced. The boy lifted the duel edged sword across his cheek, mimicking the stance of a baseball pitcher. The beast showed no pause despite its suprise attack being obsolete, and proceeded to charge at the boy with the intent of ripping his throat out

If this was the boys first go-around then he would've either charged at the beast or ran away but the teeth marks on his forearms and the claw marks on his back have taught him better. The best course of action was to simply stand firm and wait for the right moment to strike.

'One'

As the beast came closer and closer, the boy clenched his hands and flexed his arms. The sudden action induced massive ripples of pain across his arms causing him to wince from the aganizing discomfort. He then promptly ignored the pain and began to steady his breathing. The boy dwelled withing his soul and conjured a wavy, flickering aura around the sword.

The light was barely noticeable to the naked eye but the beast saw it nonetheless. It finally showed a hint of caution by moving left to right in an attempt to confuse its prey.

'Two'

The boy knew better though. He purposely expelled only a slight amount of mana to get the devilish dog's attention. It was enough to appear threatening but not enough to release the attack. A painful bite to his calf was a good reminder of what would happen if he retaliated too early.

Instead he stood firm.

The mabeast threw all caution to wind.

The boy stood firm.

The beast's jaws was open and it's beady red eyes locked onto its prey.

Yet the boy stood firm.

The beast jumped into the air, preparing to tackle the boy to the ground. It's sharp canines were going to tear the boys neck out like a piece of cloth, all within a heartbeat. It's breath was foul and was stained with the blood and flesh of countless victims.

The beast was towering over the boy like a reaper, its silhouette extinguishing any light of hope its prey once had. The distance between them was less then an inch.

Even still the boy stoo-.

'THREE!!'

Within a split second the dim light encompassing the sword turned into a near-blinding bright and green aura.

"El-SAFI!!"

As he said the incantation, he swung the sword in wide downward arc, directly towards the beasts throat. The boys aim held true and their was nothing the beast could, not while it's body was suspended in mid-air.

The green light made contact with the beast's neck and gave out a nasty sound of rupturing flesh followed by the sound of a butchering knife carving meat. It was as if the green light was tenderizing it so the sword could slice through like butter.

As the sword carved through the mabeast's neck, the dog gave out a horrific wimper, falling onto the ground and gargling on its own blood. The beast gave out involuntary twitches as its last act of defiance before it stopped moving entirely.

The mabeast was dead.

The sword ended its swing alongside its wielder but the green arc coming from it became sporadic and shot off into the forest, arching towards the morning sky. The green arc sliced through small branches and bushes but larger objects seem to be unfazed by it as it glided through the air.

The boy didn't even bother to look at the spectacle for he was too busy catching his breath while looking at the ground, knees and hands digging into the dirt.

His expression was one of relief, then joy, then frustration, and finally dread. This was his first victory in this world, his first real victory. He didn't have some one else fight for him. He ended his foe in a one on one match without anyone's help and yet...

"12 fucking times..."

He couldn't savor the victory whatsoever. He encountered 11 beasts before this one and this was his first out right win. His first encounter ended with a dog nearly tearing his shoulder off. He stabbed it in the eye but it wasn't enough, the beast ran away before he could finish the job. It was at that point that any conviction he previously had, turned into fear, which further corrupted into desperation.

At first he came to this godforsaken forest to save a girl he wanted to get know. He wanted-no, needed to prove to himself that he was capable of more, that he could be better, that he could be just like...

"You've gotta be fucking kidding me."

Now he's fighting in hopes to extend the clock on his own life. Every one of the numerous bites on his body equaled a killing curse that has a zero percent survival rate once activated. Any means to delay the death penalty were not in the boy's cards at the moment.

Once again he was unprepared.

Running back to the mansion was a no-go. By the time he got back one of the curses could activate and even if he could get there in time everyone, except Emilia, hated him. Some deemed him useless and unworthy of help while others consider him a full on enemy. The only person that could help him, was him.

Once again he was all alone.

His mana was nearly depleted. His clothes resembled rags sewn together rather then actual clothing. Blood rushed from the many wounds that he accumulated since venturing out here. Not to mention he had nothing to defend himself with except for a poorly crafted sword he found from a nearby corpse.

Once again he was living off of a miracle.

Regardless his fate was sealed the moment the first dog fled back into the forest. The reality of the situation became ever more daunting the further the sun came down. The moment the curse activated he would be dead in mere moments and there would be nothing he could do.

Once again Natsuki Subaru was at a dead end.

"What was even the point. What was the point of learning magic if I can't even kill a fucking dog!?"

It was almost funny how short his adventure in this new world was. Given a chance to start anew and this is how it ends? Not even two weeks he's been here and already he's found himself with zero options.

What could he have done to prevent this?

Should he have comforted Ram more?

Should he have been more alert and stayed with Beatrice and Rem during that fateful encounter?

Would that have even changed anything?

'Just what exactly did I do wrong?'

That was the burning question in Subaru's mind. Emilia, Rem, Puck, Ram, Beatrice, Petra...They all suffered because of his ineptitude. His teacher all but confirmed it. There was something he could've done. Roswaal expected him to right all the wrongs as if he...

"He never trusted me, not for a second, not one of them did."

"Talking to yourself is a bad habit y'know."

"Huh? Ghk-ack!"

Before he could even question where the voice had come from, a massive gush of wind pushed him into a nearby tree. His back was screaming in pain from the collision but that was the least of his worries at the moment.

His eyes were flickering and incoherent but eventually they settled on what was directly infront of him and saw what could only be described as a fallen angel. His black robes were tethered and damaged to various degrees. His previous braids were no longer there, resulting in his hair reaching towards the middle of his back. The man looked at him with a neutral expression, his eyes had noticeable bags and held no animosity or malevolence yet the boy couldn't help but shudder once he made eye contact with him.

"Ah, it's you..."

The man took a step forward. His wings stretched out as if it was his equivalent of a yawn, before retracting back into his shoulder blades. Black feathers scattered across the open field as the wings shrinked further and further inwards. The transition was seamless, leaving only two black diamonds on his back.

"Its astonishing really. I had the honor of fighting two great spirts and one of the last oni's to walk this earth and yet I was only given warning towards you."

Subaru instinctively squirmed onto his feet in order to protect himself. His right arm went completely limp after the head on collision so he reluctantly held onto the sword with a vice grip using his left.

"Y-You..."

A million questions raced through his head as he starred at the man that was presumed dead. His next course of action? The man's reason for attacking them? What he meant when he was referring to a warning? How the hell he survived his fight with Puck? Who the fuck hired him?!

"You bastard!"

Yet he didn't ask any of these questions. Instead he threw all caution to the wind and launched himself towards the man that had destroyed his entire new life within the span of a night. He didn't care about answers, he didn't care if he was throwing his life away. All he cared about was making this man suffer for the pain he caused him and his friends.

The man looked at him with clear indifference as he swiftly dodged to the left, not even bothering to counter attack. None was nessicary as the boy tripped over his own leg, causing him to hit the ground with his arms taking the brunt of the damage.

"Ghck!"

The boy closed his eyes and gritted his teeth in a desperate attempt to numb the pain. His arms felt like stone. He was barely able to move them yet his grip on the sword did not waver, nor did his gaze of hatred towards the winged assailant cease for even a moment.

"Well that was... something"

The man looked at the boy's desperation with mild curiosity. He saw the boy slowly get up and attempt to swing the bloodied sword time and time again. The valkine dodged every attack without any effort on his part.

"Forgive me for thinking out loud but im rather at a losse here. All the preparation I made for an eventual counter attack and this is who I was to be wary of?"

The boy could barely hear what the man was saying. He was too tunnel vision to even process to how foolish his actions were. There was only one thing racing through his mind right now.

He hated this.

He hated everything at this moment.

The drumming of his heart beating through his ears.

The numbness he felt in his arms.

The taste of blood in his mouth.

The shame he felt.

The guilt he felt.

The pain he felt.

The rage he felt.

He hated it all so much and yet...

"What exactly did you hope to achieve by coming here alone?"

And yet there was one thing that eclipsed it all.

"All your struggles have amounted to nothing and yet you still struggle in vain, doing the same thing expecting different results."

The one thing he hated more than any of that...

"Is that not the definition of insanity, Natsuki Subaru?"

Was this winged bastard.

"Just shut the hell up!"

The boy used the last ounces of his strength to grab the sword with both arms. With what little mana he had left, he poured it into the sword one last time. Blood seeped from his nose and eyes as the sword glowed once more with even more intensity then the last time.

The man looked at the boy as if he were studying the mannerisms of an animal. The Valkines soft, golden and indifferent eyes stared into the boys sharp, brown and wrathful eyes. One wanted nothing but to rip the man infront of him limb from while the other looked down on him with curiosity and almost a slight amount of pity.

"Well...no matter."

The valkines eyes that held a hint of light and curiosity, suddenly went cold. In that same instance 3 pitch black feathers appeared between his right hand knuckles as he reared his fist back. He took a stance and bent his legs with his left arm extended infront of him and his palm facing his opponent, seemingly used as a way to aim his attack.

Subaru's vision was blurry and had a red hue to it but it didn't matter. With all the conviction, strength and anger he could muster, he charged one last time.

The valkine stood firm.

Subaru's legs felt like they were moving on their own. Each step he took made him more and more tunnel visioned. Surrounding colors began to grey as he grew closer and closer to slashing the man in half.

The adrenaline that was pumping through his body allowed him to numb the pain in its entirety. Nothing else mattered to him at this moment. Not Rem, not the villagers, not the mansion, not even himself. All that mattered was making this monster pay in blood for what he did. For hurting her.

With one final push he drew the sword over his head and prepared a devastating downward swing! The bright green aura around the sword began to shine even brighter as if it was smiting down evil itself! Gravity and the force of his muscles forced the heavenly light to shine down on the wicked monster in human form, eviscerating the being entirely and leaving nothing in its absence! The hero had slain the villain with a legendary show of strength! The protagonist has finally obtained his well deserved victory! Just as fate willed it, Nastuki Subaru had trium-!

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

"Huh?"

Subaru took a breath. His vision had cleared for a moment. What he saw wasn't right.

The man was still infront of him.

This was wrong.

His sword wasn't slicing through him.

This was wrong.

His sword wasn't glowing either.

This was wrong.

The valkine was staring directly at him. No sustained damage as if his attack never happened. His stance had changed however.

This was wrong.

His right arm was not extended behind him but was instead slightly extended into...

"Ah. Uuuh."

Subaru followed the trail of his arm. His fist was in direct contact with Subaru's abdomen. The 3 black feathers were lodged deep into his stomach.

"Whu- when?!"

Subaru looked back up towards the man. His previous rage utterly evaporated and was replaced with fear.

The valkine took a step forward. He grabbed the boys shoulder and leaned into his ear. The two were close enough to hear eachothers heartbeats. The man stood there for a moment until...

"Rest child, you've struggled enough."

It was those words that had caused the reality of the situation to fully kick in. He never stood a chance. His rage meant nothing in the face of this terrifying being. Natsuki Subaru finally understood it in its entirety.

This was wrong.

"GHAAAAAAAA!!!"

The pain registered immediately. The black substance from the feathers had seeped into his skin and into his body. It's assault was unrelenting. It was as if the foreign liquid was alive and took pleasure in eroding his body in the most painful way imaginable.

"AAAAHHH!! SOMEONE *cough* *cough* PLEASE!!!

He crouched onto the ground and heaved heavy breaths between his screams. He pulled the feathers out of him but it did little to ease the pain, if anything it just made it worse.

He writhed back and forth. He heaved. He screamed. He begged. He clawed at his skin. He clawed at the grown. He clenched his teeth. He clenched his fists. He threw up. He pissed himself. Anything to distract from the pain for even a moment.

"EMILIAAAA!!"

He cried for the one person that had helped him in this new world. With each second after agonizing second, he slowly began to no longer care about being saved, he just wanted it to end. Nothing else mattered anymore. He just wanted this assault on his body to end. He wanted it all to end.

And so it did.

His eyes went to the back of his head. His body was limp. Foamy saliva and bowl was dripping from his mouth as he laid there.

The valkine stared at the body for no longer then a second before turning on his heal and walking away.

He starred into the sky for a moment and breathed a quick sigh.

He looked down and took his right hand into his pocket and grabbed a small disk of sorts. It had a slight oval shape with a silver crease on each side . The disk was only slightly larger than his thumb.

'All that's left is to tie up loose ends...'

The man's cold dead eye's turned melancholic as he stared at the disk. His thumb hovered it as if he was contemplating a very heavy decision.

It was quite ironic that he was so crossed with this. He had just took a life not even a minute ago but for some reason he hesitated with this one simple act.

His thumb was mere centimeters away from the disc. Despite his hesitation it was clear that he was resolute in his decision.

'I offer my prayers to you all.'

He closed he eyes as he flexed his thu-

"UL-FURA"

"!"

The valkine was able to react and tried to move out of the way but was simply to slow to dodge it. The winds brutally assaulted him and sent him flying through multiple trees.

The attacker ran infront of the unconscious boy to defend him. She gazed at his broken state and felt a mixture of emotions. Guilt, melancholy, anger. They'll all swirled in her mind as she stared at the boy she initially suspected as an enemy. An immense amount of shame struck her as she came to understand how he obtained those wounds. It was fairly obvious from this alone that Barusu was not allied with these assailants. With how striken she felt, Ram could only imagine how Emilia felt. Seeing the corpse of someone she cared for immensely must be heart wrenching for her.

"Barusu... Ram is sorry"

The royal candidate ran towards the boy to see his condition. Once she laid her eyes on the broken boy, she stood still for a moment.

Emilia sat on her knees and stared at the boy's figure. He wasn't breathing and his face was contorted in agony. The Half-elf's bangs covered her eyes so no one could see the expression she was making.

"Subaru..."

Ram gave her lady her due respect and decided to look away as she grieved. She was presumably giving out silent tears as she mourned her lo-.

Smack!

Ram turned around immediately to see where that sound hand come from. Once she saw left her jaw hanging.

Emilia had smacked the boy across the face. Hard enough to leave and mark.

The maid questioned her ladies sanity for a moment.

"Emilia-Sama! What are you-"

"*couch *couch! *weez"

Said boy was no longer lifeless as he coughed his lungs out.

As if he was seemingly coming back from the dead, the boy coughed and wheezed in pain for a short while. Subaru took a moment to gather himself and looked infront of him to see the all to familiar Half-elf looking directly infront of him.

"Emilia..."

The royal candidate grabbed his shirt in both relief and frustration. The foreign presence in her chest was still attached to her once she arrived, meaning that Subaru was still alive. She thanked the heavens that she made it in time but she couldn't help but feel angry towards the boy.

"Subaru you freaking dunderhead! Why did you run off like that!?"

She was angry that he put himself in harms way. All he had to do was ask for her help. There was no need for him to fight all alone, no, he shouldn't have to fight at all. She alone should have to save everyone. It was her obligation and responsibility to keep everyone safe.

"I-I-I'm..."

Subaru could hardly look her in the eyes. Once again he had to be saved by others. And this time he couldn't blame it on his own ignorance. He knew exactly what he was getting into by running on this suicide mission. His weakness and pridfulness is the cause of the sorry state he's now in. A part of him wish that he was dead so he wouldn't feel the weight of his shame.

"Thats... impossible."

Ram looked at the boy in disbelief. For all intents and purposes he was dead. No breathing, no heart beat, completely lifeless. Yet here he is defying all logic.

"Oh..."

Suddenly a massive amount of weight fell on everyone. The air had become noticeablly heavier and thicker, as if the world was tensing up due to a foreign entity. Ram clutched her wand in anticipation for the man's attack.

"That bastards done his research... no wonder he wanted Meili to take him out instead of me."

A gust of wind pushed across the nearby tree's with black feathers covering the area. The valkine's wings seemed to have taken all the damage of Ram's attack. He slowly walked towards the trio with a blank expression.

Ram stood infront of Emilia and Subaru with her wand pointed towards the man. If anger had a physical form, Ram would be its manifestation. The amount of wrath that was being emitting from her was staggering. Even so, she still kept her wits and decided to ask her opponent a very important question before decapitatinhg him.

"Before I rip your throat out, I believe it's only fair that I ask this atleast once. What is your purpose here?"

The valkine stopped for a moment, his expression not changing in the slightest despite the heavy murderous intent directed at him. He brought his thumb to his chin and closed his eyes in a thinking manner.

"Hmm, a sensible question. Not the right one."

While saying this he opened his eyes again and a cold smile, lacking any humor, made its way onto his face along with a quick snort.

"It's kinda funny honestly. If you had asked me that question 10 secounds ago i would've said something entirely different."

His tired golden eyes turned away from Ram and locked onto rhe individuals on the ground beside her.

"At this very moment my purpose has to do with him now."

He says while pointing directly at Subaru, earning a look of confusion from all 3 of them. Subaru most of all as the guy that just tried to kill him with some weird poison is saying that he was his reason for being here.

Emilia didn't have a clue as to why this monster wanted Subaru of all people but it didn't matter. She instinctively brought the boy to her chest in a protective manner while glaring daggers at the man

The man could see their confusion and decided to do his equivalent of being civilized and diplomatic.

"How about this."

He said while clapping his hands together, as if he was striking a formal and light hearted exchange. His crooked smile and his soft eyes gave him a truly uncomfortable and eery look.

"You give that boy to me and I don't kill everyone else, including the villagers, deal?"

...

...

...

"El-fura!"

"Ice brand arts!"

A nearly invisible blade of wind cut through the air and had attempted to dicapitate the man while swords of ice were shot towards him at blinding speeds. Said man saw the attack coming and instead of dodging the attack, he hovered slightly above the ground and spun around for a few seconds, creating his own winds that complete negated the attack.

"Well you can't say I didn't try to be civil."

"Tch! Emilia-Sama, I'm afraid I won't be able to do this alone!"

"R-right!"

As soon as she responded the gem on her chest began to glow.

The maid conjured blade after blade towards the airborne opponent, only for them all to dissipate before they could make contact.

The valkine stopped himself mid spin and took a nose dive directly towards the maid and brought his wings infront of him. It was the same moved he used against Beatrice only this time there would be no great spirit to defend against it this time.

"!"

Or so he thought. Instead of a purple barrier, an impossibly sturdy ice shield had saved the maid from a gruesome end.

"Honestly I'm grateful. Now that I'm not on a time limit, I can savor what I'm about to do to you."

The man knew exactly who that voice belonged to without even looking. He wasted no time in hoping on the defensive. The valkines wings expanded and he brought himself high into the air.

Puck responded by shooting huma shards into the sky. Every shard missed and went high into the air and remained stationery. The Oni raised her wand and attempted to conjure another attack until-.

"Conserve your strength Ram. I'll tell you when to attack"

The maid looked at the great spirt in confusion but slowly nodded.

Emilia broke into a cold sweat as the valkine dodged every attack the great spirit threw at him. This was nearly an exact repeat of last time. Nearly being the operative seeing as none of Pucks attacks came even close to hitting this time around. It was obvious that the valkine had the edge in terms of speed. Within due time her farher would slip up and he'd take the opportunity to go on the offensive. It was a simple yet effective. This was how the battle would end if nothing changed and yet...

'Somethings not right. Puck keeps throwing the same attack at me over and over again. Plus he dosen't appear to be trying as hard as before to hit him. Could he be trying to tire him out? No he never likes to play the long game if he dosen't have to. Just what exactly is he trying to do'?

Just as she thought this an ice spear was launched at the man with nearly double the speed as the previous attacks. The valkine saw it and proceeded to gain higher and higher altitude while effortlessly dodging it.

'...huh?'

"Ghck!"

BOOM

As soon as the valkine tried to reach higher altitude he was hit with an explosion that sent him hurriling down towards the ground. The valkine flapped his wings right before he touched the ground, causing him to float right about the surface before he made a soft decent.

"Now Ram!"

"UL-FURA!"

Without any hesitation whatsoever, the maid launched a cascade of devastating winds towards the man.

"Tch!"

The valkine's wings began to glow and he brought them infront of him as a makeshift shield. Even so he was still knocked back and his wings received noticeable damage before they repaired themeselves.

Before he could be hit with anything else, he went airborne again but stopped mid flight as he realized the great spirit's plan. He looked up and saw hundreds of thousands of small blue lights all scattered in the sky. These were what blew him out of the sky. The valkine looked towards the great spirit in disbelief.

The great spirit smirked in satisfaction.

"Now let's see if my little theory was correct."

Once he said this, pillar after pillar of ice emerged out of thin air and rushed the valkine all at once.

The Valkine was able to dodge the first few but the attacks were relentless. The pillars began to smash into him one after another.

"Ghk!"

Emilia looked up in shock. The last time he saw this monster fight her father, he was able to dodge all his attacks as if it was nothing but now...

"He's slower now..."

Puck looked at his daughter with pride for her precise deduction.

"That's right my beautiful daughter. And now I've offically figured out why his speed Is so inconsistent."

Emilia looked at him with raised eyebrows.

"Inconsistent?"

"A'yup! He was able to dodge, reflect, and counter all of our attacks back in the mansion but for some reason he didn't dodge Ram's attack despite reacting to em, pretty strange no? Why take the full brunt of the attack if you could just move out of the the way?"

Emilia, Subaru and Ram took head of his words. Subaru had no idea, Emilia was beginning to speculate, and Ram had pieced it together in the middle of his explanation.

"Then it hit me. During our last fight, he hugged the ceiling as much as possible, I found it rather strange that he was purposely limiting his area of maneuverability but now I know why."

He took a pause for dramatic effects. Subaru and Emilia waited for his grand reveal in earnest.

"It's due to a-"

"A divine protection. One that amplifies his speed and power the more altitude he gains. Right great spirit-Sama?"

The great spirit looked at the maid with moderate annoyance.

"*sigh* You kinda ruined the suspense but yeah that seems to be the jist of it."

Upon hearing this, Emilia thought about everything that she had witnessed regarding the valkine and ultimately she couldn't find any holes in hid logic.

"That would explain why his speed varies so much, to think he would have a divine protection that worked in perfect conjunction with his natural abilities like that. It's as if it was made specifically for him."

"I concur... it's astonishing that someone so vile and despicable could be loved by the world to such a degree." Said Ram with an immense amount of loathing.

Their conversation was cut short due to the man rushing towards the sky. He was gurenteed to crash into the aerial bombs but before he made contact, a golden light appeared in his hands and he threw it up into the air. Multiple air mines went off just in time for him to soar threw the smoke.

"I deeply apologize but I can't afford any more setbacks."

As if on cue his body began to glow like a Phoenix. The black coating on the valkine's wings began to evaporate and be replaced with white.

"Seeing as you've all survived your first encounter with me, it's only right that I give you all a proper send off.

The skies, the ground, everything began to tremble as if a massive earthquake was occurring. Blood began to spew from his eyes and mouth but he payed no head to it. He brought his hand to the sky and within a split moment, a golden spear appeared in his hand.

"May you all find the peace in death, that you couldn't find in life."

"Lia! I need you to get out of here now!"

Emilia took head to his words with no hesitation on her end. She got onto her feat alongside a still slightly dazed Subaru.

"Subaru can you run!?"

"Yes I ca- whoah!"

That was all the information she needed to grab him by the wrist and get out of here as fast as possible.

Once the two were into the thick of the woods, Puck looked towards the maid with a serious expression.

"You do understand that my only priority is killing this man correct?"

Ram looked at him for a brief moment and gave a court nod.

"As is mine. Nothing else matters aside from this monster's death."

The valkine spun his spear in his hands and pointed it downwards, towards the two combative.

'For what you did to Lia'

'For what you did to Rem'

The two on the ground prepared themselves to face their assailant head on. Ice and wind molded into one as they stared up towards the golden heavens with pure loathing on there faces.

'I will end you!'

And so the battle commenced.

Once they were out of field view, Emilia dropped her speed significantly so that Subaru wouldn't be dragged around like a ragdoll again.

His arm felt like it was gonna fall off but it hardly bothered him. Infact for some reason he felt extremely light and all his previous pain and fatigue seemed to fade away.

His bite marks no longer ached. His bruises didn't torment him anywhere. Even the pain from the black feathers seemed to have subsided. Despite all of the physical remedies in his body, it did little to ease his mind. If he could he would take all the pain if it meant taking away the shame and guilt he felt at this moment.

rustle

Subaru took a look behind him to see a mabeast in mid-air, about to maul one of then. Subaru took the remaining seconds of life he had to try and push Emilia out of the way.

"Em-san, Behind-"

The royal canidate spun around and grabbed Subaru by the collar, bringing him to the ground. Within a split second, she conjured an ice sword and sliced the dog by the neck. The beast didn't even have time to realize it was dead before its entire body was corroded with ice.

"...You"

Subaru sat on his behind in awe of what he just saw. That awe began to morph into frustration. It took multiple near death experiences for him to do what she just did. Yet for her it was effortless. A single strike that eclipsed his efforts in terms of finesse, precision, speed, control and most definitely power. It was an deafening loudbreminder of how foolish he truly was for trying to do this all alone.

"Sorry about that, I wanted to make sure you didn't get hit in the crossfire."

Emilia extended her hand towards Subaru and apologized for her lack of tact. Subaru took her hand while keeping his eyes to the ground.

Neither one spoke. They didn't look at eachother. They continued to walk and walk until finally they were back towards the village.

"Oooookay were finally back. Subaru are you sure your fine?"

Once they made it back, Emilia had made sure to stay out of sight less she risk another mob coming to attack.

"Yeah ...I'm fine"

Finally having the opportunity to rest, they both laid there backs against a nearby house and sat in the grass. The brushing wind that passed them was the only sound that that lingered between them. Subaru's head was crouched between his arms knees while Emilia was looking up towards the sky.

"Emilia I-"

"If you apologize, I swear I'm going to hit you again"

Subaru flinched at her icy tone.

Emilia didn't even fix her gaze towards him. Her face was indifferent as she starred off into the sky.

"But I..."

The boy clutched his arms to try and vent any way he could. What could he even say at this point? What possible justification could he have for doing this? There was only one true answer.

"Emilia...I fucked up."

He hung his head low with his fist clenched. Uttering those word's felt like poison eroding his chest but it was the only thing he could say with no deceit behind it.

Emilia didn't give any hint that she had actually heard him until she gave a quick sigh.

"That you did."

Her gaze grew stern as she raised herself up to her feet and offered Subaru her hand.

"But none of that matters now. You getting those curses removed is top priority."

Subaru didn't look up to meet her gaze. His eye's locked onto her smooth palm that offered him a way out with no hesitation. This person was once again saving him with no real reason to. This salvation was being given to him with no ulterior motives. This person, no this angel, was willing to help him once more and all he had to do was take her hand. That was why he couldn't.

"None of it matters... what do you mean "none of it matters".

Subaru got onto his own two feet without taking her hand. Subaru's gaze was fixated on the ground, unable to even look at her.

"Shouldn't you be mad or disappointed with me...?"

Emilia was taken aback by his melancholic tone to point that she didn't truly process his question. She didn't expect him to be in the best mood considering everything that happened but across her many lives, this demeanor was new to her. She didn't like it one bit.

"I went into the middle of a mabeast infested forest to be some sort of hero only to end making everything worse."

As he spout his depressive but accurate thoughts, Emilia began to register why he felt this way. As such Emilia took it upon herself to try and ease his burden, even if it was just a little bit.

"I'll admit you going out there on your own was foolhardy but your heart was in the right place. You wanted to do your part to save Rem right? You wanted to help those in need, its an admirable trait not a shameful one."

Her words seemed to only torment the boy more. His face contorted in shame and he clenched his fists hard enough to nearly draw blood.

"No your wrong... I didn't do it because I..."

"I did it for me."

"I did it because I wanted to believe I could make a difference. I was just being selfish"

Emilia could tell it was taking alot for him to admit this. Even so it was hard to believe that this was what he thought of himself. It was obvious to anyone that this was not the case.

"Subaru... Im sorry but i don't understand."

Her gaze became noticeably softer.

"Your alot of things but selfish isn't one of them. Nobody helps a stranger retrieve there lost item because their selfish. Nobody helps two maids with their duties because their selfish. Nobody goes off into a mabeast infested forest to save someone because their selfish."

"Stop..."

"Subaru, you are my first and only friend. If there's something you wish to do then you shouldn't have to do it alone. It's alright to let me take care if certain things"

"Stop it..."

"I want you to rely on me more. Confide in me. Ask me to help you when things are rough. That's why..."

"Please just."

"That's why I want you to stay in the mansion where its safe and let me-"

"JUST SHUT UP!"

Emilia was startled by his sudden outburst. Subaru had a mixture of frustration and pain on his face. His eyes were on the verge of becoming watery.

"Of course! Of course it's easy for you to say that!"

His mouth warped into a melancholic smile as he clutched his head

"Is that seriuously want you want!? You want me to just let you carry the burden every step of the way while I just stay behind like some damsel in distress!?"

He dropped his crooked smile and slammed his fist into the nearby wall.

"Like hell I could do that!"

He dropped his arms and scrunched his eyes shut in an attempt to block the inevitable tears.

"I know im weak... I know i could never be some knight or hero that can shield you from all the bad shit out there but... I atleast wanted to stand as your equal and be by your side through the worst of it!"

Memories of their fight with Elsa. The pleasant memories he had whenever they talked about nothing. The time they fought those assassins. Each memory he cherished was proof that they could be on equal footing. That Subaru could fight alongside her and be there for her.

"And yet.. ever since we've met."

Then he remembered that he almost died to Elsa multiple times and was only alive because of Emilia. He remembered that Emilia gained multiple scars trying to defend him. He remembered that his pressense in the mansion distracted her from her studies. He remembered that him "helping" her with the assassins was nothing more then a quick stun that left him exhausted after just a few spells. When Emilia was being bitten. When Rem was pierced. When Beatrice was stabbed. When Ram was cursed. Where was he?

"Emilia be honest with me..."

With a look of utter desperation, he finally looked at her.

"Am I useless?"

The Half-elf didn't know what to say. Her lips parted but the words scattered in the wind.

"Subaru I..."

That was all she could muster. She couldn't even look at him. She knew from the bottom of her heart that he was wrong. That he wasn't useless. The conversations they had and the moments they shared was something she wouldn't trade for anything. To Emilia he was her savior. Her first friend. It was her who was useless. Her stack of corpses was proof of that. Subaru's corpses were proof of that. Yet she couldn't even look at him much less say it.

With nothing but silence filling the air, Subaru gave a dry chuckle in response. That was all he needed to justify his thoughts.

" The fact that you cant even look at me says it all."

Emilia wanted to grab him by the arms and reassure him but she was stuck in place. Subaru had tooken her look of confliction and her hesitation as proof that his feelings were true.

"Emilia... I didn't do any of this to save lives, or to protect others. I did it to inflate my own stupid ego. I desperately wanted to prove that I was better. That I wasn't just throwing my life away. I wanted to be strong. I wanted to be someone that others would admire! I wanted..."

"I WANTED TO BE LIKE YOU!!"

The tears finally came.

"You really get a kick out of making a fool out of me don't you."

The great spirit smeared as it looked over the soon-to-be corpse.

The man gave a weak smile devoid of any humor as he looked up towards the spirit. He layed on his back with a mixture of red and black blood smeared across his body. Ice spears were lodged into various parts of his body with his spear no longer glowing and beginning to turn into dust.

Ram gave a heavy sigh as she laid her back across a nearby tree. Blood was protruding from her forehead, ears and mouth. Her vision was beginning to blur and her eyes began to dull. Her life was hanging by a thread at the moment but she hardly cared. She wouldn't dare fall unconscious until she was absolutely sure that her sister's killer was dead.

The great spirit payed the maid no mind and began to hover over the man with one final ice spike in the air.

"Any sins you wanna lay bare before I separate you from the living?"

For a moment he didn't say anything, keeping the same melancholic smile. It was impossible to tell what he was reflecting on but for a moment you could see an immense amount of regret on his face.

"In the end it all amounted to nothing."

His warped smile vanished as he looked towards opponent.

"Great spirit... you are strong and as a warrior I would never disgrace this battle"

The valkine could hear his own heartbeat drumming in his ears. The interval between each beat was becoming longer and longer. His time was nearing its end.

...

...

...

"But... "

His eyes once again grew cold as he reached for something in his pocket.

"I can't..."

His hand carried a silver disk

"She can not know about him..."

Puck took notice of the disk and shot the ice spike through the man's chest.

"Guk!!"

He coughed up litters of blood in agony. His vision began to blur and his mind began to drift.

"Meili...Elsa... I'm sorry."

With his last once of will power he flexed his thumb.

The wetness across his cheeks began to stream down his face like a current.

"I wanted to be like you so much that it hurt. To be the hero that saves the day. That can bring out my hand and offer salvation to those in need."

He voice was barely audible at this point. He chocked on his words, wishing that the world would just swallow him whole right then and there.

"There you have it. This is what I really am. A selfish piece of shit that only cares about how people see me, how they accept or judge me... nothing about me has changed. I hate it so much... I... I hate my-"

"Natsuki Subaru."

The Half-elf interrupted him with her soft and angelic voice. Despite how calm and collected she sounded her bangs covered her eyes and her shoulders were shaking. Weither it was from sorrow or rage, the boy couldn't tell.

"Y'know since ive met you i had hoped... no I truly believed that I had a friend..."

"I thought I had someone that understood me but turns out you never did."

Subaru would be lying if he said he expected for that to be her response to his out cry. He expected her to deny everything he was saying or maybe even agree with him. This was... he didn't know why but for some reason he was dreading what she was about to say next.

"Emilia what are you-?"

"You want to be just like me!?"

Her voice vibrated across the surrounding area.

"Do you have any IDEA how horried and disgusting I am!? The things I've done!? The people I've neglected!? The people people I've hurt?"

She starred at her own quivering hands. Flashes of her lives played in her head like a record player.

"I have blood on my hands Subaru... I've wallowed in my own despair while others suffer for my slothfulness."

She clutched her hands and brought her head down to the point that she was staring at the ground.

"I am NOT someone you want to be."

Tears escaped her as she shouted her words of defiance towards the boy.

Said boy looked at her incredulously. She figured that the girl would have a past. It was obvious through there interactions that she was plagued with lingering pain. Even so, whatever she did in the past didn't matter to the boy. What matters is what he's seen and what he's experienced from her. What he's seen is completely different from the women that Emilia had described and as such he could only deny everything she's said about herself.

"Emilia... how you say that when you saved Rem and Ram."

His voice was raspy and low but the Half-elf heard him loud and clear.

"They wouldn't have NEEDED saving if they knew about the attack in the first place."

She said without skipping a beat.

"You saved the village by taking care of those assassins?"

"I saved SOME of the village and all of the children are dead!"

"You saved Felt and Rom!"

"No Reinhard did! If it wasn't for him everyone would've died."

Their voices were becoming increasingly louder. Subaru was getting sick of this back and forth. Why was it so hard for her to see the Emilia that he saw? Why couldn't she see the women that he admired? Even if she could make these half assed excuses their was one irrefutable truth.

"Then what about me!? You saved me didn't you?!"

Emilia drew a scowl. No matter what she said he wouldn't understand.

"Weren't just listening!? Reinhard was the one that-!"

"Not then, when we met! Did you or did you not save me then!?"

Emilia's words got caught In her throat.

"Did you not save me from those thugs?! Did you not save me from thst curse!? Did you not save me from those assassins. Did you not save me from that angel of death?! Are you not saving me right now!?"

Subaru had grabbed her hands.

"You saved me Em-san!"

His voice was nearly pleading. He was trying with all his might to make her understand why he admired her so much.

Emilia could only shake her head.

Her shaking hands quitted down and she began to hold Subaru's hands tighter. Her entire demeanor was eerily calm all of a sudden. It was as if she had come to turns with it all.

'He just doesn't understand'

"I didn't save you from Rem..."

How could he?

"I didn't save you from Elsa..."

He had only seen her "victories".

"I didn't save you from me..."

He had no idea what it took.

"Subaru I haven't saved anyone. All I've done is try to make up for my mistakes."

He hasn't seen it.

"Time and time again I've caused the death of the people I care for. You standing here, breathing infront of me shouldn't even be possible. If you knew what I had done you would not look at me the same. Rem, Ram, Felt, Rom, you... you should all be dead right now..."

He'll never understand.

"Subaru ever since I've met you a thousand things have happen and only a handful of them I can wrap my head around."

No one will.

"There is one thing I do understand though."

She would always be alone.

"Ever since I've met you I've been dy-"

Time suddenly froze.

Emilia finally registered what she was doing and immediately regretted it. She was so swepped up in the moment. She was so desperate for him to understand her that she completely forgot the taboo.

'NONONONONONONO!'

As soon as she thought this, that same shadowy hand appeared and brought one its fingers towards her lips in shushing manner. Upon closer inspection the hand had a more definite shape. It's fingers less abstract and more slender then before.

'PLEASE DON'T HURT HIM! IT WAS MY FAULT NOT HIS!

She knew what would come next. She was able to piece together what happened last time she spoke of the taboo. This time she would have a front row seat of the consequences. Her already watery eyes were filled with sorrow as she watched hand dash towards the boy. His death was inevitable and there was nothing she could do but watch.

'PLEASE STOOOOO-'

The hand haulted.

'OOOOP?'

Emilia comprehend what was happening. She expected the hand to crush his heart like the last time but it wasn't doing that. Instead it was... caressing his cheek? The girl could barely process what was happening in front of her. The hand was holding face in a tenderly manner.

"Love him"

It was barely a wisper. Barley audible. Yet she heard that voice. She heard her own voice loud and clear.

"Love him"

It was desperate. It sounded as if it was in pain. It sounded like it was trying to stop something from happening with all its might.

"Love him"

Time was slowly regaining color and the world around her was slowly returning to normal. The hand was also beginning to fade away.

An immense amount of euphoria entered the girls mind. She'd be lying if she understood why this had occurred but she was just grateful that everything was turning out ok-.

"Love him"

Wait no... something was wrong

"Love him"

Her skin felt increasingly warm the more time began to return to normal. No it wasn't warmth, it was heat. It was scorching heat that was eroding her body.

"Love him"

Her eyes turned to her left and right to try and process what was going on. She could only stare in horror of what she was witnessing. Flames had erupted from the ground.

Puck gave a slight huff as he floated away from the corpse. His eyes went towards the maid that was holding on for dear life and gave her a look of indifference. He didn't really care if she lived or died but he didn't want to risk his daughter being more heart broken then she already was.

The great spirit's paw had touched her forehead and within seconds the maid had regained some of her color.

The maid didn't even bother to thank ham and instead locked her gaze towards the man she loathed.

"Is he..."

"Yes."

With a heavy sigh, Ram fully relaxed and brought her eyes to meet Pucks

"Thank you great spirit-Sama... truly"

The spirit barley raised a brow at her appreciation. He crossed his arms as he starred off into the village that was more then likely where his contracter was near at the moment.

"Right. Now all that's left is to-"

beep

The floating cat's ears jumped back and forth from the sound.

"Did you hear that maid?"

beep *beep

Ram could hear it clearly. Some high pitched sound was being emitted.

"Where is that sound-!"

They both stared in shock at the corpses hand, more specifically the disk he was carrying. The silver disk had a flashing light that was increasing in intervals.

beep *beep *beep

"What is that?"

beeeeeeeep*

BOOOM

Right as the disk stopped a massive explosion had occurred far off into the distance.

It's direction was none other than...

"LIAAAAAA!!!!"

The great spirit rushed towards the explosion as fast as he could.

'ITS HOT ITS HOT IST HOT ITS HOT ITS HOT ITS HOT'

That was all she could think at the moment. She was stuck in slow suspension as a result of uttering the taboo and due to it she was suffering a fate worse than death.

"Love him"

Flames were slowly morphing around her and Subaru. Up down left or right, it didn't matter where she looked all she saw was yellow and red.

'IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS ITS BURNS!'

She looked towards Subaru and saw his expression slowly change from its intinital look of concern to shock then to horror. She looked downward and could visible see and feel her skin beginning to peel off, revealing muscle and tissue.

"Love him"

What was happening within seconds for Subaru and presumably the rest of the villagers was minutes after agonizing minutes for the Half-elf.

'IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURN IT BUUUUAARRNN'

She could hear her own blood begin to boil from the heat. Her clothes were beginning to melt and become interlaced with her skin. She heard each tendon begin to pop and contract. She could feel her stomach and certain parts of her body begin to expand from the fumes that were trying to escape her. She hear her hair sizzling and burning from the roots. Thankfully her vision had already been engulfed in smoke and flames so she wouldn't be subjugated to Subaru's half melted face.

"Love him"

She couldn't hear but she could hear her. She couldn't think but she thought about her . She couldn't see but she could see her. She couldn't feel but she could feel her. Her humanity was being stripped away from her. Everything that was was no longer. Her entire being was being evaporated. Yet she was still there. The Half-elf knew she was there. She was there the entire time, until she thrifted into nothingness

"...I love him"

Darkness

Total Loops: 4