Surprise!
Enjoy the update my friend... I may be swearing off the show until Surrera officially reunites, we get a kiss or something REAL happens that says they are coming back... but Surrera is still magic in my mind and fanfic fantasyland. So here we are. xx, Ash
Robert was making good time and grateful for it. The traffic on I-90W had been kind to him so far and he could only hope that would continue. There hadn't been any news or updates yet, so as he clenched and unclenched the steering wheel, he kept telling himself they would both be fine.
All he could do now was get there.
Seeing an unexpected name flash across the navigation screen of his Lexus SUV, Robert took a breath before answering the call.
"Slow down," the woman's voice came through the bluetooth speaker loud and clear.
He glanced at the dash quickly and saw the speedometer was inching past 85. While the speed limit on certain stretches of the highway was 70, making his speed not as over the limit as it sounded, she was right.
The last thing he needed was to waste time getting pulled over for a speeding ticket.
"Didn't expect to hear from you," Robert said, easing off the gas pedal.
"Contrary to how it might seem, I'm not actually an Ice Queen," Ross replied back easily.
They chuckled and it defrosted the mood a bit for them both.
"You drive too fast on a normal day… today is not a normal day," she added.
"Yeah..." Robert replied regrettably.
He braced himself for what he knew would be an awkward conversation.
"I wanted to be the one to tell you," His words were direct, but tone gentle.
Hearing deafening silence on the other end of the phone, but knowing she was still listening, Robert continued. "When Andy was ready to meet with you, I would have called or come to see you. We were clear on that"
"The best laid plans..." Natasha remarked bitterly. Her feelings were a melting pot of sadness, anger, love, worry.
At that moment she was concerned for Andy and her unborn child.
She'd never felt maternal, didn't think children were ever in the cards for her, but it would take a sociopath not to feel deeply for a woman who'd risked her life and the life of her unborn child to save another.
Further, she'd grown to respect Andy as a firefighter and a leader. Her being Robert's ex-wife hadn't ever seemed to be a factor until now.
Hindsight and the timing of it all said, it had been a clear oversight. She'd apparently been blind to whatever was still lingering under the surface between them.
And Robert...
Her heart was healing, she was moving on, dating. Yet somehow, finding out that Andy was pregnant and putting it together that he was the father managed to make her question whether or not she'd actually gotten over him.
Yes, she'd made some mistakes trying to balance her career and a romantic relationship, but she really thought they would figure it out and be able to make things work.
She wasn't someone who believed in fate per-say, but knowing what she knew now, couldn't help but wonder if they had been doomed from the beginning.
Like maybe her heart, her gut, her intuition wouldn't let her throw caution to the wind and go all in because Robert was never fully hers to begin with? Or maybe it was the question he'd asked her that morning he ended things,
"Would the right relationship really ask you to be less or want less?"
"She didn't have to disclose," Robert pulled Ross from her thoughts.
He recalled the argument they'd had over delaying disclosure and going on light duty. Andy had finally been promoted to Captain and wanted some time to enjoy doing the job before months of being sidelined.
He wouldn't let himself dwell there. Not now. This wasn't her fault.
"It's a policy I helped write, Sully. I think I recall the details," Ross' tone was sharp and clipped. This time it was Robert who remained silent. "The timing is..."
Before she could unleash her accusation, Robert interrupted. "You and I were over before we slept together. I wouldn't...I wouldn't do that to you."
More quietness stretched between them leaving Robert nothing to do but mentally revisit the weeks leading up to the end of their relationship and night things had changed with Andy.
FLASHBACK...
The sun was barely up, but that hadn't stopped his brain from pulling him out of a restless night of sleep. He'd had a run of those lately. After staring up at the ceiling for longer than he could remember, Robert slid out of bed grabbed his workout clothes and set out for a run.
That's where he found himself now.
Nikes pounding against the hard ground, 3 miles into a 5 mile run, on a chilly Spring Seattle morning. With tall trees on either side of a narrow, concrete pathway and the fact that he hadn't seen another soul on the trail that morning, it felt almost cave-like.
Isolated.
Calves and lungs burning, Robert pushed forward and leaned into the discomfort. He needed to feel something other than the guilt edged deep in his bones.
The physical exhaustion starting to creep in, the tingling sensation in his limbs, the work it took to inhale and exhale were all a welcomed distraction. A mental sailboat, pulling him away from the shores of lies and deceit. It was the temporary reprieve he needed from the sick feeling that had become a constant companion.
He wasn't a liar.
He wasn't the guy who made up stories or led people on. He had a code. A defined line of right and wrong, but it had grown fuzzy somehow. This thing with Ross had started out small. "Just a little secret to give them time and privacy," but it was too big now.
It was like a patch in a leaky roof that you slapped together to give yourself breathing room, knowing the roof was gonna have to be replaced. Bandaging it up only lasted for so long, before you had to fix the real issue or the whole thing was gonna collapse.
He could feel the roof on his relationship about to cave in.
It had taken two marriages to figure it out, but he'd learned that another person couldn't be your moral compass, conscience or north star. It was too much pressure on them and inevitably if they died, left or the relationship changed, you'd find yourself off kilter. Ungrounded. Not knowing who you were or which way was up.
But hopefully, if you were doing life right, you had people that were mirrors. People reflecting back to you the truth of who you were and how you were showing up in life. Challenging you to uphold the standards you set for yourself. Silently reminding you of your own values.
And while she probably didn't know it, every time Andy asked him about Ross or his sobriety she was holding up a mirror. He'd walk away from the interaction dazed from a custom cocktail of shame, regret and guilt.
He wasn't a liar, but he'd become one.
That thought weighed on him deeply. He'd told Ross he'd wait for her, that things could stay how they were until enough time had passed and the work stuff had been sorted.
He thought it would be okay.
His patience game was unmatched, but the more he played it out, and looked at it from different angles… the more he thought about how he really wanted to live his life, this isn't what he wanted.
Robert had just opened the fridge to grab a bottle of gatorade when a soft voice pulled him from his thoughts.
"You were up early…again." Ross tried to sound casual, but it was obvious she was confused and disappointed.
Fully dressed for work in dark bottoms and a crisp white button down, she was slipping her jacket on with the intention to get a head start on the day.
With their schedules and still trying to keep things quiet about their relationship they didn't have many mornings together or evenings for that matter, so Robert slipping out of bed early made it clear he was distancing himself.
"Needed to clear my head," he replied in between long drinks.
He was holding his cards close to his chest, but she could sense his reservations were about her and them. She wished there was a word besides complicated that could be used to describe this season of their relationship.
"It'll be nice, one day, when we can do that together." Ross offered. Her tone was hopeful. When Robert didn't agree or concur, she added, "Anything you wanna get off your chest?"
Robert debated momentarily.
He needed to shower and get to the station. He also knew he couldn't let another day pass without being honest about what was going on with him.
Their relationship should be able to handle his truth.
"Do you know why lies are bad for addicts?" His question was gentle, not accusatory, but direct.
"Not exactly, but I'd guess the hiding, right?" Ross said a bit tentatively.
"Because you don't end up ODing on stolen fent and needing a Narcan shot overnight," Robert said plainly.
Surprise at his blunt words played out on Ross' face and fuzzy images of that day in his office flew through his mind in rapid succession.
It was such a low moment for him.
Her brow furrowed a bit. She was normally good at reading people, but it felt like she was missing something here. Was he upset with her or just upset in general?
"I'm not totally following you here…" Ross' voice trailed off.
"It starts with one extra pill," Robert said, a bitter laugh escaping his lips.
"Then another and another...before you know it, this monster has you in a chokehold and you're powerless." He clenched the plastic bottle in his hands and the shrieking crinkle of the plastic filled the space.
"You have no control. You're justifying, making excuses, skirting the truth... all to protect this THING." Visibly his muscles contracted as he spoke.
As she listened, Ross both heard and saw the emotion pouring out of Robert. This freshly offered truth wasn't a genie they could tuck back into a bottle.
And as much as she wanted to believe things would be fine, the volume on that nagging feeling she kept waking up with, was getting louder. Their opportunity to really take flight as a couple seemed to be evaporating before her eyes.
Robert shrugged his shoulders, fidgeting a little more with the bottle in his hands. "It feels good for a while. You can numb. But eventually the guilt, the shame take over. It stops feeling good, but now it's too late."
Shaking his head lightly. "That one extra pill has taken you further than you ever intended to go and kept you longer than you intended to stay."
Waves of revelation moved furiously within Ross as she looked at the man in front of her. The man she'd felt more feelings for than anyone she'd had a relationship with. Unsure of how to respond, she looked for the right words, but found herself at a bit of a loss.
Was it an apology she was on the mental hunt for? Some sort of ownership. The apps had been her idea and all these months Robert had continued to follow a long with it, but clearly it had become a serious problem for him.
"This started as "privacy" and has gone on longer than we planned. I own that." Ross admitted with slight reluctance.
She wasn't sure why she didn't want to fall on her sword, but the tiniest itch to self-protect kept reminding her that Robert had agreed.
"I can't keep lying to people I care about. That's not who I am and it's not who you are either," Robert said firmly.
"You're right," Ross agreed wholeheartedly.
"I'd never looked at it that way...but you're right. And Sully, you have to know, I would never want you to threaten your sobriety in service of this relationship." The earnestness and sincerity in Ross' tone was undeniable.
While she hadn't seen it firsthand, she knew how hard Robert had worked to get clean, recover from the injury and get some semblance of a career back. "I just…"
"…don't know what to do." Robert finished for her and she nodded. "Yeah, me neither."
Awkward silence filled the space between them before Robert murmured. "I gotta shower," and headed in the direction of the stairs.
Ross had just reached the door and Robert was halfway up before she called out. "Just a heads up... I'm riding with Hughes today for Crisis One so I'll be in and out of 19." He nodded, turned around and heard the door shut behind him.
"It wasn't a fight," Robert told himself, as he got ready for work that morning, but it was definitely a line in the sand moment.
Something had to change.
AT THE STATION...
When Andy rounded the corner into the beanery she couldn't help but smirk at the scene unfolding in front of her.
There stood her pretty health conscious ex-husband in an obvious internal debate over a box of donuts. Doce was a new Latino owned craft donut shop and Theo was treating the group to their frequently sold out, sugary goodness.
Quietly, she saddled up to Robert's side and whispered "Go on. Eat the pink one with sprinkles. It's strawberry, basically fruit." Her eyes were bright and tone playful.
The comfort between the divorced couple was obvious in the way she had no qualms about invading his space. To an onlooker, it might even venture into questionable territory the way she pressed up against him without a second thought and grabbed a donut of her own.
Startled a little, Robert jumped slightly. He was beyond tempted to have the donut and he'd already run several miles today plus would get in his 90 minutes of PT on shift.
"I'll pass," he replied back, though it wasn't convincing.
Taking a bite into the Churro Dulce De Leche donut she'd picked up, Andy moaned lightly in delight. Her eyes dropped closed and head tilted back as she savored. "So good..."
Robert took a long, deep drag of breath and tried to ignore his body's response to the moment. "What the hell was happening?"
"C'mon, I won't tell your smoothie you're cheating on her," Andy teased a little more.
Robert laughed at Andy's joke. "I thought you liked my smoothies," he retorted quickly.
Her smile was doing something to his insides that it shouldn't and he realized that last statement could have been misinterpreted.
"I do like your smoothies," Andy said, holding his gaze. "But not nearly as much as a donut…obviously." She kept a cool facade on her face, but dammit if her insides were throwing a freaking rave of attraction underground.
Why had her body suddenly woken up and remembered just how sexy her ex was? She wondered to herself.
Robert reached around her, poking at her side. She laughed again. "Do it," Andy reiterated. "Support a small business. Eat a donut."
"Fine," Robert said, making a show of giving in to the pressure.
When the fresh strawberry jam, hit his tongue with a perfect hint of hibiscus, he couldn't help but close his eyes and exhale in appreciation. "Damn that's good."
"Ha!" Andy squealed as she watched him enjoy it. "I was right! I knew you needed a treat."
By this time they were both too focused on one another and the joking happening between them that they barely noticed Vic joining them. Passing the pair, she reached for the coffee pot and observed their interaction.
"You know…" she said, leaning against the stainless steel counter. "…you two act more married now than you ever did before the divorce."
"What?" Andy questioned loudly while Robert, with a mouthful of sugary, satisfying dough, remained too stunned to reply.
"What's going on?" Travis asked as he meandered into the beanery and reached into the bakery box.
Vic motioned in the direction of Andy and Robert as she restated her previous observation. "I was just saying these two act more married now than they did before the divorce."
Robert swallowed hard, his throat feeling instantly dry. "Okay, no—" He tried to shut down the conversation but before he could, Travis chimed in.
Nodding his head as he chewed, Travis agreed. "She's right. Definitely married couple vibes."
Andy felt the blush across her cheek and her body flush under her uniform. Reaching for a cleansing breath, she finally said, "Okay, that's ridiculous!"
"Warren! Yes." Vic pointed to Ben as he walked to the beanery and headed straight for the box of donuts. "You're the perfect judge."
"Too early to judge anything," Ben said casually. "Just wanna enjoy a quiet moment before the crazy."
He nodded to himself and thought back on how busy things were for him right now at home. With the boys, Pru and Bailey's schedule, quiet was a precious commodity.
"Okay, well, tough." Vic said with a hand on her hip. "Put on your best Simon Cowell and help us out."
When Ben said nothing only continued to eat the light, flaky treat Vic continued.
"You've been in happily wedded bliss for a decade. These two," Vic swung a hand back and forth. "Old married couple vibes, right?"
"Warren," Robert drilled him with a hard stare. In hopes it would gently persuade his friend to say the right thing.
Ben gave the appearance of pondering before he finally just said, "Who am I kidding? Yeah. Definitely married couple vibes."
Before he could fully get the words out, Travis and Vic were laughing and yelling happily. "See!" Leaving a blushing Andy and uncomfortable Robert in their wake.
"Who's gonna let me in on the joke," Chief Ross asked as she entered the beanery.
The room quieted down abruptly and a chorus of "it was nothings" rang out from the group. When Ross smiled lightly and turned to catch Robert's eye, she could see his discomfort.
Andy cleared her throat loudly. "Donut? Chief. They're delicious. New Latino owned donut shop off Stone Way called Doce. Always sold out."
"Don't mind if I do," Ross said as she grabbed one. "Hughes, I'll be riding with you today for Crisis One."
"Got it, Ma'am," Vic said a bit nervously.
"See you all for line up," with a firm head nod she headed back towards the stairs and the group collectively exhaled.
DAYS LATER...
When Andy looked through the blinds of the gym, she wasn't surprised to see Robert pounding against the heavy punching bag. Sweat dripped from his body and his well defined muscles contracted and released with each jab.
The turbulence of the past few days and building tension within him, undoubtedly pushed for release. The bag was a safe target.
Even calling it a chaotic, whirlwind of epic proportions actually seemed like an understatement which was saying something. It felt like God woke up one morning and in one fell swoop decided to turn everyone's life upside down.
Things with Beckett had finally come to a head.
After two back to back close calls in the field, prompting an investigation, he'd abruptly gone on a medical leave of absence. They all knew it was code for checking himself into rehab voluntarily.
While they were happy he was getting help, it was infuriating to know that they had been right to be concerned about his leadership and he'd been endangering them all along.
Chief Ross had asked Andy to step in and take over the Interim Captain role of 19, which she'd turned down. It was a bittersweet feeling, but the right move.
She was more sure of herself and confident than ever and there was nothing to prove. Deciding to hold out felt like she was finally, and maybe for the first time, in control of her career.
After recommending Robert, saying the team trusted him and believing he was the obvious choice, Theo was named. It shocked her initially. She'd even asked Robert why the Chief hadn't appointed him, which he'd deflected again... sending her spidy senses into overdrive
Everything in her said something was going on with the two of them, but she had no proof. Of course that was only until, Maya brought those god awful pictures of Robert and Ross in bed to her.
Good Lord, the range of emotions that rushed through her as she stood in the beanery. Hurt, disappointed, fury, frustrated.
And also, nothing about the situation was black and white. She and Maya had gone to Ross, tried to strategize ways to fight Dixon, but Ross had turned them down. Said she'd handle it and also asked to be the one to alert Robert.
Admittedly, that made Andy nervous, but she agreed. Unfortunately, within just a couple days, before any real action could be taken the photos had been leaked and Chief Ross' picture was everywhere.
The press was eating her alive, the SFD union was quiet and the mayor was calling for her resignation.
In one word, it was a shitshow.
"Is this who you are now?" Not waiting for the door behind her to close, Andy spoke her mind.
Her emotions might have been on a rollercoaster, but right now, anger was running the show.
The media coverage over the last 24 hours around Ross and her abuse of power had been wall to wall. With a completely one sided set information, they were taking Ross to task.
No mention of the meaningful changes she'd made during her tenure as Chief— programs saving lives and helping people or her service record and medals of valor.
She'd been reduced to a sex scandal. And the worst part was, Andy knew the tone and tenor of it all would be different if she were a man.
"Andy..." Robert grumbled, exhaustedly.
He wasn't in the mood.
If he were someone who hid, who didn't show up even when he was a laughing stock he'd have stayed in bed today. Between both hands, Robert could tally the number of times he wanted to call off shift since returning to Seattle from Montana, but today that's what he felt like doing.
Unfortunately, his code wouldn't let him.
If he didn't do it after being demoted to probie, the public divorce or all the dreaded Fire Zaddy press, he wouldn't do it now. Staring straight ahead, Robert punched the bag harder and hoped Andy would take the hint.
Now wasn't the time for her to go in on him.
"I'm just confused because you're pissed off and sulking over a few jokes, but Ross is getting her ass handed to her in the press and you're doing nothing." Hands on hips, Andy was committed to letting him have it.
"I'm not really in the mood for your brand of tough love. It's clear that despite NOT knowing all the facts, you've already picked a side." Stripping off one glove, Robert shook his head and took a long swig from his water bottle.
"This isn't about sides. It's about doing the right thing." Andy's eyes flared with intensity. "How did he not get that?" She thought to herself.
"The right thing?" Robert made no attempt to stop the bitter laugh that slid from his lips.
"The right thing for who? Ross going to the union without consulting me sure as hell wasn't the right thing for me." He motioned with his hands for effect before turning back to the punching bag and unloading a 1-2 combo.
It was clear he was trying to brush her off and she wasn't gonna stand for it. Andy moved so she was standing directly off to the side of the punching bag keeping her in his sightline.
"This is bigger than that," she responded with an eye roll.
"Of course what matters to me is irrelevant." Robert scoffed in her direction. "The least you could do is be consistent."
His clipped tone, tinged with anger told her she shouldn't poke for clarification, but not one to proceed cautiously, Andy persisted.
Tilting her head to the side slightly, she asked curiously. "Consistent?"
"Clueless isn't a good look on you," Robert slung back quickly and saw Andy's forehead crinkle in surprise.
He didn't want an argument. He'd been trying to hold a line and not engage, but if she wasn't stuffing down her criticism, neither would he.
His words felt like a slap in the face and with little consideration, Andy fired back, "What the hell is wrong with you?"
"What's wrong with me?" Robert asked loudly, his question clearly rhetorical in nature.
Pinning Andy with a hard look. "You walked out on our marriage because I made a play to help my career without consulting you."
The slight flinch in her body told Robert his words had penetrated below the surface and yet he couldn't find it in himself to care. He didn't ask for this conversation or start this fight.
Time and time again he let her off the hook, didn't say the hard thing, but not today.
He edged forward. "Ross moved to protect herself and her career, hanging me out to dry in the process. Do I learn about being outed from her?"
"No," He said with disgust. "I get a call from the union and I'm just supposed to be good? By your standards, I should be running for the hills right now."
Andy paused for a moment, a bit taken aback.
During the worst fights they'd had as a couple, even after the 10 months of running, she didn't think Robert had ever so pointedly criticized her. His boundaries had clearly been crossed and he'd struck back.
It also seemed less like him trying to cause Andy pain and more like him trying to protect himself. She recognized her own patterns in his actions and saw exactly what he was doing.
Surprisingly calm, Andy simply replied. "This is different and you know it." Shockingly and despite the prick of emotion that bubbled up, her face was devoid of emotion.
Yes at face value the situation was similar, but the stakes here were just... higher. They were. She knew Robert knew that, even if he didn't want to admit it.
He rolled his eyes. "Right. The rules are always different when it comes to me. Your definition of right and wrong is conveniently fluid so you can do what you always do." Robert landed a few more punches into the bag.
"And what is that exactly?" Andy questioned, though it didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out where he was going with this.
A gruff, disheartened chuckle tumbled from Robert's lips.
"Be right, Andy. You always need things to go your way, on your timeline, be handled exactly how you see fit. Well guess what? This isn't about you. You don't get a say here." He shrugged his shoulders before toweling off the sweat dripping from his face.
"Of course this isn't about me!" Andy exclaimed loudly, defiance flowing through her. The door was closed, but anyone walking by could no doubt hear their argument.
She didn't care. Her calm demeanor was dissolving by the second.
Squeezing her hands tight in frustration. "I'm not the one on the front page of the Chronicle being trashed and portrayed as a power hungry, manipulator, using sex as a quid pro quo for promotions. That's Ross. That's what they're saying about her."
Andy shifted her weight back and forth, frustration at Robert's attitude building. "A woman who's fought tooth and nail to be where she is. And for the life of me, I can't figure out why you're sitting back and letting it happen."
He knew she wasn't saying this was his fault and sure he could drop it, but why? Why not give her the fight she seemed desperate to have?
"So this is my fault now?" Robert asked a bit rhetorically before taking his stance in front of the bag again. "Why am I not surprised to be the villain in your eyes."
He landed punch after punch making no attempt to slow down or stop to continue their heated exchange.
Andy took a deep breath, closed her eyes tight and looked upwards briefly. She was doing her best to keep a moderate amount of composure, but losing the battle.
"Not doing anything and being the bad guy are two different things," she countered through gritted teeth.
Robert's tone was dismissive and he knew it would get under Andy's skin. "It's barely been in the news cycle for 24 hours." He was also right.
The story had only just broken and he was trying to figure out how to best handle it. He didn't want to run into a gunfight with a knife and talking to the press without professional help seemed like it would only make things worse.
Would it have been easy to just tell her that he was handling it? Yup. But he didn't owe her any explanations and in reality, it had nothing to do with her anyway.
Andy's retort was quick. "Long enough for you to have made a statement or spoken out publicly on her behalf."
Offering no details or showing he had any intention of taking action, Robert simply replied back. "It's complicated."
Grumbling, the leash she'd had herself on since walking into the gym was gone. From her view, Robert needed to do something and if there was anyone in the world who could tell him that, it would be her.
"Some things might be complicated right now, but not this. You need to-" She was cut off abruptly.
"Don't." Robert's tone said he wasn't to be pushed further. "Don't tell me what I need to do."
Andy was undeterred. Heat flushed through her body and her heart raced just a little. He may have been bigger and stronger, but just as she'd proven in the past, she had no issue going toe to toe with him.
"Well someone has to. You're being an ass. And a coward, which is not something I EVER would have expected from Robert Sullivan." When all else fails… take the cheap shot.
Andy knew it was a hurtful thing to say and would throw lighter fluid on an already heated conversation but she was past caring. If he was gonna sling a little mud, she would too.
Robert stepped back from their showdown. "A coward? Wow. Nice to know how you really see me."
Seeing the flash of pain across Robert's eyes and Andy sighed. Immediately she regretted her below the belt statement.
"I didn't..." Her voice trailed off.
He knew she was frustrated with him and that her intent was to get him to do what she wanted, so the insult wasn't exactly surprising, but it did prick him.
He was a lot of things, not all good — but a coward? No. That definitely isn't the kind of man he was.
"Guess it's good to know the truth." He shook his head. "I'm somehow BOTH a coward and too ambitious in your book. Did I get that right?" He didn't expect an answer.
Andy should have backed off, but didn't. She'd talked to the other woman and as messy as it was, felt for her situation. She knew what it was like to have your character be dragged through the mud above the fold in the local paper.
"Ross is crumbling," She said with a long and deep sigh.
"She feels alone and ready to walk away from a job she deserves to be in. And no matter how pissed you are, you care about her so - it's time to dust off your bruised ego, get over yourself and back her." Andy's tone blended exasperation and challenge.
Robert stripped off his gloves. Wiped down the bag with a towel and picked up his water bottle. "Guess you've got it all figured out, huh." Andy didn't reply.
Shaking his head, he began walking towards the door, then turned back.
"For the record, I know you're mad at me for the lying. And you should be." He nodded and held her gaze. "I was wrong and I am sorry. But you have no idea what I'm doing, not doing or what's really going on here and it's pretty arrogant to assume you do."
With that he exited the gym, mentally preparing for what he knew would be the toughest day he'd had in years.
A SHORT WHILE LATER...
"What are you doing here?" Ross quickly pulled Robert into her entryway and did a scan of the street in front of her house.
She sighed in relief when she didn't spot any news trucks. Was it too much to hope that the news stations had found another victim? "You can't be here," she grumbled, barely making eye contact.
Robert noted her tired appearance. Like him, she clearly hadn't slept much since all of this began. "We needed to talk."
"There are these great inventions called phones that you can use to make calls or hell just answer." Hands on hips she finally faced him and thought back to the multiple texts and voicemails she'd sent. "It's not like I haven't been trying to reach you."
"I needed time," Robert said without apology.
Sure he could've just told her that, but honestly, he just didn't have the mental or emotional energy to be in communication with her. He also knew that as soon as he engaged in a conversation, it would muddy the waters and make decisions harder to come by.
Ross sighed in understanding.
All she'd been doing the past couple of days was thinking. Her mind was a water valve that wouldn't shut off even, especially in the safety of her own home. When she was working, it had been the most wonderful distraction. When she got home, it was another story.
Just her, alone and her thoughts.
"I get it." She walked back towards the kitchen to retrieve her mug. "Do you want coffee?"
Robert was noticeably uncomfortable and a bit shifty. He wanted to get straight to the point. "No, I'm good. I won't stay long."
"Look, Sully." Ross took in his appearance, a grim expression covering her face. "I'm sorry about going to the union without-"
"Don't." Robert interrupted.
"No, need to explain." Ross nodded and took a sip of her coffee. "I reached out to an old PR contact. Gonna do some interviews today, give a couple statements. Try and spin this."
"You don't have to do that," Natasha sighed and ran a hand through her long hair. It hadn't been swept back into a ponytail yet. "I'm the one they're coming for, not you."
"I'll never be the guy that backs down from a fight," Robert said fiercely. "You should know that."
She did.
She also didn't necessarily feel like she deserved his support after how everything had gone down.
"Well, thank you." Approaching, Ross tried to pull him into an embrace, but Robert stepped back.
"But..." he added.
She knew instantly where this was going.
That one word said it all. "You're ending things anyway?" The volume of her voice raised exponentially. "I just blew up my life for you? My career? And you're walking away now?"
"But, you didn't though." Robert returned easily.
"Unreal," Ross paced a bit, lost in her own thoughts and barely hearing Robert's additional sentiments.
"You didn't blow up anything," he yelled. "You kept asking me to stand by for some undetermined amount of time. Then those pictures forced your hand."
"I can't believe this." She muttered to herself, shuffling in front of her island. "You said you'd wait. That it was okay for this time to be about me?" Ross vollyed.
"Yes. I said I'd wait and we could keep this relationship hidden so it wouldn't affect OUR careers, but what you really meant is so that it didn't affect YOUR career. You had no problem holding me back." Robert countered.
"I apologized for the Interim Captain situation, Sully" Her gut churned. Why wasn't he seeing this from her perspective? "Yes, okay. I should have talked to you about it."
"No!" Robert stopped her. "You should've done the right thing. I was the best person for the job and we both know it."
Ross shrugged.
"It was a bad call, but c'mon, it was for the best. Can you imagine how much worse this whole thing would be if I had made you Interim Captain?" Her shoulders raised in question.
She had known exactly what she was doing when she'd opted to go with Ruiz even though Robert was the obvious choice next to Andy.
"You're not getting it." Robert threw back.
"I've spent months playing a supporting role in the show that is Natasha Ross. First Female Fire Chief of Seattle." His tone was a bit mocking, but he didn't care.
He was too tired to give a damn. "I have been content to wait in the wings and let your needs take center stage, but when does what I want count for something? When does what I need matter"
"You said you'd wait!" Ross exclaimed.
She hated this feeling of being insecure, graspy and desperate more than anything. It had been something she avoided for years by not committing to any relationship long term. Never letting anyone get too close.
One reconnection with an old flame and here she was being that woman she never wanted to be.
"I have waited. I did." Robert yelled. He was annoyed now. She failed to see what the real issues were.
"What did waiting get me?" His shoulders raised in question. "At every opportunity to show me that we were in this together, you chose you. Protected you. Left me out of the consideration. Which...well, it tells me everything I need to know."
This conversation was only strengthening his resolve. He knew he was making the right call.
"What should I have done, Sully!" Both exasperated and keyed up, Ross advanced.
"I'm Chief! And a damn good one. I have earned the right to be where I am. What's wrong with me doing what has to be done to protect that?" How could he not see that she was in between a rock and a hard place she wondered.
"I don't care that you're chief, Tash." Robert shook his head. "I care that you use your job as a trump card to justify every single selfish move you make."
His deep baritone voice vibrated. "I care that your plans only include you. That you have no problem throwing me under the bus by day, but slipping into my bed at night." His words landed like a secondary explosion, shattering what were the remnants of their relationship.
"It's pretty clear, you wanna have your cake and eat it too." Crossing his arms over his chest, Robert waited for the inevitable denial he knew was coming.
"That's not true," Ross replied. "And I can't help the fact that my career is more important right now. That I am where I am and you are where you are."
The words had slipped out before she could stop them and seeing the look on Robert's face, Ross knew they were a mistake.
"Had she really just said that?" Robert shook his head.
"You're right." His voice cracked slightly with emotion.
"After two decades of near perfect service, I messed up and years later, despite busting my ass to make amends, old mistakes are still haunting me." Surprise flowed through him.
"The thing is, I never thought you'd be holding me back too." Robert looked at the woman in front of him and hated that they'd ended up here.
Seeing the hurt on Robert's face, Ross took a breath. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean that the way it sounded. Can we just-"
"I'm done, Tash." Robert interrupted.
"We have history and a connection. We care about each other a lot, but it's not working. This isn't working." He emphasized again.
"Because you're giving up before we really have a shot to make it work. Because every time something doesn't go your way, you throw a temper tantrum and are ready to pack up your toys and leave the playground." Tash countered.
"No." he shook his head. He'd fallen into that trap before. "That's not gonna work this time."
"What is that supposed to mean?" Ross questioned, lifelessly.
Robert knew he could come up with a rebuttal, but he just didn't want to. He didn't want them to further devolve into hurting each other and ruin any chance of friendship they had left.
"When was the last time you were happy with us, Tash?" he asked thoughtfully. "Really happy."
She tried to go back and think about it. "I know what you're trying to do here." Robert was silent, waiting for an answer. "Yes, it's been bumpy for a while. But-"
"I tried to answer that question for myself and I couldn't." He shrugged lightly. "And... I think a relationship is only this hard when you're forcing something that isn't meant to work."
"Relationships aren't fairytales, Sully. They take work and commitment." She didn't want to see the truth of his words, but it was difficult not to.
"Yeah, they do... but do you honestly think a relationship that asks both people to be less and want less... to compromise their values is right?" His tone was softer now.
"We just need time and space to let all this craziness blow over. So we can..." Ross made another half hearted attempt. It felt like she really was losing everything at this point.
"We've had time. I don't need more." Robert was going to continue, but they were interrupted by the ringing of her cell phone.
"I need to take this," She said. "Can we talk again later? Please."
Robert glanced at his watch and nodded. He needed to get home and change into a suit before his first press meeting anyway.
It was gonna be a helluva day.
LATER THAT NIGHT...
"I assure you, who Chief Ross has had a personal relationship with in the past, is the least interesting part about her. What's far more newsworthy is the impact she's made for the City of Seattle in her tenure as Chief and why she should be allowed to continue doing that job." They were the closing remarks of Robert's statement.
When Andy watched his interviews from earlier in the day play out over the news, she couldn't resist sending him a text.
It also wasn't lost on her that he said, "personal relationship in the past…" It sent a zing of energy that she wasn't ready to unpack yet. "Had their relationship status changed?" She wondered.
"Better late than never," Robert read the text from Andy just as he was leaving a meeting and his lips curled upward.
He knew he should feel annoyed with her after this morning, but for some reason he didn't.
Andy had been pretty off base as she accused him of doing nothing, but he also knew how strong her sense of right and wrong was. And as hard as she pushed him, it was a reminder that she still cared.
Something in her still believed in his redeeming qualities, which was generous since he'd spent months lying to her both directly and via omission.
When the day was all said and done, he'd boxed for 90 minutes, showered, officially ended his and Ross' relationship- the fact that it had been hanging on by a thread, hadn't made it less difficult.
He'd done a marathon of press, run 5 miles, showered again, talked to Richard briefly and gone to a meeting. Calling it the 'day from hell' seemed a little dramatic and that wasn't really his style, but it had been a lot.
He'd spent hours showcasing Ross' service record, told stories about the times she'd saved his ass in combat, gave real hard data to show the positive impacts of her time as Chief then positioned the attack on her character as sexist and discriminatory.
Robert felt fairly confident that it helped her cause and would do well to paint the conversation in a more positive light.
Unfortunately, despite how productive things had been, his bristly internal state was still that. Prickly. His nerves were fried and he felt a restless discontent surging under the surface.
Mostly though, he cringed at the thought of going home to his empty apartment and sitting alone in the aftermath of it all. Which is how he landed on Andy's doorstep for the second time in just a few days.
"You're really making a habit of this..." she said with an easy smile and raised eyebrow as she answered the door.
Even annoyed with him, attraction still pulsed within her.
Robert was dressed in easy, loose jeans, a gray t-shirt and a jacket. His effortless confidence speaking volumes as he stood in her doorway.
It had always amazed her that no matter what room he was in, he was the kind of person you gravitated towards. Commanded attention even when he wasn't asking for it.
His warm chestnut eyes were noticeably calmer than this morning and they pulled her in.
Andy swallowed deeply and broke the intensity of their gaze. His perfectly crafted statement and well rehearsed answers let her know today's show of support wasn't off the cuff. Clearly, he'd always been intending to address the press and defend Ross.
That thought assuaged many of her ruffled feathers.
It had been hard to put into words why she'd wanted to see him be that guy... the one who did the right thing, the one who ran towards the fight, but that's what she felt. It's like she needed to be able to keep believing that no matter what, she could count on him for that.
Ignoring her greeting Robert simply replied, "Maintenance Day."
He grinned at Andy's appearance.
Charcoal mask and hair pulled back in a headband. She donned dark sleep shorts, a tank and a cozy, oversized sweater. It was comforting in a strange way to still be familiar with her routines after all this time.
He remembered the first "Maintenance Day" just before they were married. They had been off shift. She'd gone out for a manicure and pedicure, came home, took a bubble bath and began her multi-mask routine.
He'd teased her, but followed her back and forth between their bedroom and the bathroom as she'd told him about one of the memories from her mom.
"There are two kinds of women in this world, mija. High maintenance and those who pretend not to be."
She'd also expressed how happy she was to get sweaty and sooty in service of saving lives, but had no intention of looking like a firefighter which Robert found highly entertaining. Later that night, he'd shown her with his hands, mouth and body just what he thought of that sentiment.
In uniform and turnouts, Andy was a badass firefighter. Out of them she was softness, curves, warmth and absolutely everything a man desired his woman to be. Shaking his head lightly, he came back to the present moment.
Rolling her eyes, Andy wondered if they had just flashed back to the same collection of memories. Maintenance day had a tendency to end with very hot sex. "You only know that because we were married."
"You gonna invite me in or what?" Robert asked with a smile.
He could already tell the heat from their argument this morning had largely dissipated.
"Only because you did the right thing," Andy grumbled and opened the door wider.
"I was already handling it before your..." He motioned with his hands and trailed behind her into the apartment. "...tirade this morning."
Andy looked back at him and smirked. "Could've just said that."
"And rob you of the chance to use me as target practice?" Robert questioned with a chuckle. He tucked his hands into his jeans and took note of her glassy eyes.
While he couldn't see her cheek color under the mask, he suspected they'd have a slight tinge of pink from whatever she'd been drinking.
"Maybe I came off a little strong..." Andy murmured.
"Did you just admit to being wrong?" He questioned quickly.
"Nope." Andy said firmly, though her energy was warm and inviting.
She rested comfortably against the back of her couch and waited to see what he'd say next.
Textured energy surged between them.
"Look, I...ah... I just dropped by to say, I am sorry for being dishonest with you." Robert held her gaze. "I had a front row seat to you finding out about your mom and the lies your dad told to keep the truth from you. I know how painful that was. Even when it's hard, you deserve the truth."
Andy nodded.
Remorse filled his words and she could tell the apology was sincere. "I appreciate that."
Robert waited for a moment and when he realized she wasn't going to say anything else asked, "That's it? Not gonna yell at me more or hold a grudge?"
He joked a little uncomfortably, but it revealed his truth.
Andy chuckled.
She couldn't even be offended because it fit her MO. Or at least it used to. "Honestly, that sounds exhausting."
She'd grown and this was just one more example of that. "I know why you did what you did...I don't like it, but I understand it…and I guess the reality is... I don't wanna walk around mad at you."
Sighing deeply, Robert relaxed. He felt relieved to know they'd be okay. That mattered to him.
He offered an easy smile. "Well, I'll let you get on with your night then." Not waiting for a reply, he turned back towards the door.
Sensing the apology wasn't the only reason he was there, Andy stopped him.
"You wanna talk to me about it?" Her voice was soft.
All this time later, he still had the same tells. It was obvious to her Robert had a lot on his mind and the truth was, even when it didn't make sense on paper, they were each other's person.
They relied on each other.
Not to mention, it was just a couple days ago, before the chaos had ratcheted up, that he'd taken care of her. Ben had fallen through a roof and triggered the hell out of the grief that she kept expertly tucked away.
He knew she'd seen the pictures and was upset about being lied to, but they hadn't been leaked yet and rather than hide or avoid he'd walked right into the lion's den with her and given her exactly what she needed.
Robert thought for a moment and replied, "Nope."
He wasn't really sure what he'd say. Was it right to run to his ex, who he still felt things for that weren't completely platonic, and announce his breakup? Or admit just how relieved he felt about it?
Andy cocked her brow and crossed her arms over her chest. "So you just happened to be in my neighborhood?"
Robert continued his internal debate.
It wasn't just Ross on his mind. He'd talked with Dearborn about the Battalion Chief job in Spokane and it was clear he was the front runner. Which meant in a few weeks he'd likely be putting his apartment on the market and moving.
Yeah, he had a lot on his mind.
"I was leaving a meeting when I saw your text. Wanted to clear the air," he finally said. He felt the heat of Andy's stare and knew she was reading him.
"Mmmmhmm." The murmur tumbled from her lips and Robert squirmed a little under her questioning. "You could've done that over the phone."
"Real apologies are best done in person don't you think." The sincerity in his voice couldn't be missed.
Andy heard and felt the remorse still lingering in his energy and again she felt the cut of his dishonesty mending.
Above all that, was desire.
She wanted to be there for him. Wanted to talk to him. Wanted to do for him what he'd done for her just a few days ago.
Why not confuse herself more? The question of whether or not she was falling for him again or maybe had never stopped was raging a war within her and it didn't matter.
So whether it was smart or not to go down this path, here she was.
"Tough Love Andy is off duty tonight." Smiling bright, eyes glimmering, she added, "Just listening."
BACK TO PRESENT...
As Robert continued hauling ass down I-90, Natasha's voice brought him back from his brief reflection. That day, that night with Andy had changed everything.
"Barely. We were barely over," Ross finally said. "And unsurprisingly that detail doesn't make me feel any less like crap."
Robert took a breath and considered his next words carefully. He recognized the sensitive nature of the conversation and he knew this was going to be hard for her. But also... he didn't have it in him to coddle her and be a soft landing.
"So, is this actually why you called or..." his voice trailed off a bit.
Ross unleashed a deep sigh and rubbed a frustrated hand across her face. "No. I... Call me a glutton for punishment. I wanted to check on you."
He nodded though she couldn't see it and thought about how to answer that.
"I wanna put someone or something through a wall, but who is there to be angry at?" He shrugged his shoulders.
He couldn't be mad at Andy. Fires were an accident. He'd made the choice to stay in Spokane after finding out about her pregnancy so he wasn't there already. Who could he blame?
"Well... I dispatched another station to wrap up the structure fire so 19 could be taken out of service. Investigators are on scene because of the secondary explosion, but we don't know much yet." Not knowing exactly how to respond, Ross defaulted to operational updates.
"It's good that 19 can be there for her," Robert could sense she was battling between the personal and the professional.
He knew there were other questions she had, some he'd probably never be able to answer and also that she'd grown to respect Andy so she was genuinely concerned.
"Damn," he thought to himself. "Life was complicated."
"I ahhh… I'm not gonna keep you and I won't do that thing people do where they try to make you feel better. There's nothing that fixes this and I know you. You won't be okay until she… until they are okay," Ross corrected.
She felt proud internally that she'd manage to string together some thoughts that communicated a semblance of how she was feeling.
No matter how things ended, she still cared.
"I really appreciate that," Robert said and he meant it.
What he wasn't interested in from anyone was toxic positivity. This sucked and he couldn't imagine breathing normally until Andy and his baby were out of danger.
"And... you probably won't." This part of her thoughts weren't coming quite so easily. "You have other people and It's complicated with us...but I can be a friend, if you need one."
"You always have been," Robert replied truthfully. "Hey, I gotta run. Hughes is calling with an update."
With that the former couple disconnected from the phone call and Robert answered Vic's call.
PREVIEW...
As Andy sipped her coffee and watched Robert pull his gray t-shirt over his head she asked, "Do we need to talk about this?"
"You attacking me last night?" He joked with happy eyes and a grin.
"What?!" Andy's eyes bugged and her neck arched backwards. "That is definitely not what happened."
Robert laughed and slipped on his shoes.
"Relax. I'm teasing." His response was easy and casual. "And...if you're good, I'm good." He looked her in the eyes and hoped she didn't see the muddy feelings brewing under the surface for him.
Andy was in fact searching his eyes, she wasn't sure what for, but knew instinctively there was only one right answer here.
They had to be at the station in a couple hours. This wasn't the time or place for her to think about the whirlwind bubbling up under the surface... which really amazing sex the night before had only exacerbated.
"I'm good." She lied.
She was very, very not good. Well her body felt... deliciously sore from hours of pleasure being wrung out of it. So yeah... she was good alright, but that is not what was in question and they both knew it.
Robert leaned down and placed a quick, chaste kiss on Andy's lips. "I'll see you on shift, then."
Thanks for reading y'all! I know I've been MIA on twitter. Life has been crazy, but here we are. Drop me a note below. Let me know how you are. Let me know what you think of the update! Please tell me there are still Surrera fans hangin' on - xx, Ash