Chapter 4

The encounter with the renowned Champion of Kirkwall had stirred a tumult of emotions within Ih'tal. She had heard tales and read stories of the brave mage who had journeyed into the treacherous Deep Roads with Varric, battled templars during the Chantry explosion orchestrated by Anders, and confronted a crazed knight commander and an abomination-like first enchanter. Ih'tal had often wondered how she would feel upon meeting this legendary figure who had shaped history.

The interaction had been brief but impactful. Walking away, she found herself with new allies and renewed optimism in locating the missing Wardens. Varric had stayed behind, engaging in an animated conversation with Hawke, despite the fact that the mage seemed to already possess a wealth of information about current events both inside and outside the Inquisition.

As the sun began to dip below the horizon, people were congregating in the tavern and great hall for their evening meal. Ih'tal's hunger and exhaustion caught up with her. Her plan was to grab a quick meal and then retreat to her quarters for some much-needed rest.

Surveying the hall, she sought an empty seat. While a place beside Sera was open as usual, Ih'tal had learned from past experience to be cautious about sharing a meal with her, due to Sera's penchant for tampering with her dining companions' food. Iron Bull had already claimed the other seat next to Sera, seemingly unfazed by her antics, or her pointy arrows. Ih'tal suspected that the Qunari warrior found Sera's antics amusing, as he appeared to be tolerating her mischief. She had made a mental note to limit her interactions with Sera when it came to shared meals.

Glancing down the tables, Ih'tal noticed her advisors gathered together, engrossed in their work with maps and papers. While she valued their roles, she wasn't in the mood for strategic discussions or serving as a mediator during their debates. As a furrow formed on Josephine's brow, Ih'tal knew it was only a matter of time before another debate erupted. While trying to locate a seat, she found her eyes connecting to Solas. He had joined several of the mages, who was chatting amongst themselves. Ih'tal knew that it still wasn't the time to confront Solas about what had happened in the Fade, but she knew her time was running out, by the patient but determent look he was sending her across the room.

Considering her options, she decided to join her advisors, a lesser of three evils. It was also the seat farthest from Solas. Plus, she lacked the energy to join Iron Bull or Sera, who appeared to be playfully provoking him with an arrow. Taking a seat, she greeted them with a nod and began filling her plate from the assortment of dishes on the table's center. Amidst the heated exchange between Cullen and Josephine about ambassadorial security at the stronghold, and Liliana's attentive monitoring of their arguments, the meal progressed relatively quietly. The only interruption came from Iron Bull's loud shout, likely due to Sera's arrow hitting a sensitive spot.

As she neared the end of her second serving, Liliana signaled her intention to leave. Addressing Ih'tal, she explained that she had reached an agreement with Varric and had sent a message for a more detailed discussion. Ih'tal was not required to attend, and Liliana promised to provide a debrief through the war table. Ih'tal thanked her with genuine gratitude, acknowledging, "One less thing for me to worry about. Thank you, Liliana." With a soft smile, Liliana departed, returning to her tower.

When Ih'tal could eat no more, she stood, preparing to follow her advisors' example and retire to her quarters for the night. Fatigue weighed heavily on her, her eyes drooping at the prospect of much-needed rest. However, upon reaching the top landing, she halted abruptly.

Solas stood before her bookcase, perusing her tomes. He had clearly heard her ascent, yet he seemed in no hurry to explain his presence. Content to explore her personal items, he appeared unfazed.

Ih'tal sighed, her fatigue evident in her voice, and asked, "Solas, what are you doing here?" He didn't turn to face her, responding instead, "You haven't come to see me since our last conversation." He selected another book and thumbed through its pages. "I find myself in unfamiliar territory. While the Fade has often provided clarity, this situation perplexes me."

Still not turning toward her, he continued in a serious tone, "I wish to apologize for encouraging the kiss. It was impulsive and ill-considered. It has been a long time since I last felt such emotions, which doesn't excuse my behavior, but an apology is warranted."

Observing him carefully, Ih'tal couldn't resist a playful jab, "Oh, fade tongue doesn't count, we all know that." She looked at him, masking her sincerity, waiting to see his reaction.

Solas turned to her, a quizzical expression on his face as he searched her gaze, attempting to determine if she was serious. Ih'tal remained composed, letting the moment linger, until he finally responded, awkwardly stumbling over his words, "I really... I mean, I didn't... what I'm trying to say is... I don't think this is a good idea. It could lead to complications, and you have greater concerns to attend to."

He shifted from seriousness to a more tender and emotional tone, expressing, "The matters at hand are more significant than our personal feelings. We shouldn't interfere with what must be accomplished."

Ih'tal acknowledged his point, fully aware that he hadn't disclosed everything and was hiding something. She, too, had her own secrets. How could she demand honesty when she herself hadn't been forthcoming? It was time to change that. She admired Solas for many reasons, and regardless of her own emotions, they were kindred spirits—both Elvhen, both relics of a forgotten era. She couldn't lose sight of that.

"Solas, perhaps it is I who owe you an apology," she confessed. "I initiated the kiss, and I've been avoiding you ever since. There are many things left unsaid, things I haven't revealed to you or anyone else. Trust goes both ways, and though my feelings are involved, I want you to know that I care about you. Regardless of your decision, my feelings won't change, and I still wish for you to remain a part of all this."

She held her gaze steady, her heart feeling lighter now that her truth was out in the open. "I will respect your choice, whether you choose distance or silence on this matter. But understand that I don't regret anything."

Solas appeared to consider her words, his expression thoughtful. Her admission seemed to have a profound effect on him, as he processed the weight of her honesty. Finally, he spoke, his voice carrying a mixture of uncertainty and resolve, "I believe I need time to reflect. There are factors to consider... thoughts that I must weigh." Moving closer, he took her hand in his. "I am not often unsettled by dreams, yet you managed to shake the foundations of what I once knew and believed. There is much to contemplate. However, I will strive to be deserving of your opinion of me."

The connection between them felt stronger than ever before. Ih'tal understood that this was just the beginning of a complex journey. They both had choices to make, and they both carried burdens from their past.