Human Traditions
"So… all of you have arrived," brown eyes scanned the room, meeting each of their gazes with satisfaction. His glasses glimmered from the light reflecting off of it. "Good… Very good. Had you not, I would have been very disappointed."
"Honey, you are not pulling off the villain. Give up on it."
"Aww…"
Ophis watched as Un—Dad, that is, deflate at Mom's words. She wasn't sure if she was supposed to feel bad for him, given that his acting had been… well, to call it comical felt a little mean, so she opted on the word 'different' instead. That word probably didn't fit the situation, but oh well.
"Ahem. So anyways, as you all know, we're gathered here to discuss something of the utmost importance, and that would be—"
"Before you proceed, I'd like to make a quick interjection. Simply put, why am I here?"
The sight of Mister Lizard curled up on her bed with what could only be described as the grumpiest of expressions certainly seemed out-of-place. Ophis stared longingly on her bed, wishing that she could be the one lying atop it, but knew that there was just no other place for him to sit.
Besides him, there was also her, Mom, Dad and Lucy. The rest of them sat on the floor, with a little table set in the centre. Mom had brought some juice and snacks, and she'd be lying if she didn't want to finish all of them. She stayed her hand only because she felt it would have been a little… what was it? Lack of 'table manners', perhaps?
"Well, you are Issei's friend, so I thought it was okay to invite you."
The creature stared at Dad with the most incredulous look. "You cannot be serious. Me? His friend? You are becoming senile, it seems."
"Hey!"
"Urgh… Whatever. It's not like I can leave either way," he scoffed. "Only the dragon can send me back. And if she deigns not to on your orders, then I'm stuck here all the same."
"Thank you for staying, Six-eight-two."
"Tch. Whatever…"
Aunty clapped her hands, drawing all attention to her. "Now then! To get back on track, the sole topic of our discussion today; Issei's birthday!"
"Issei's, birthday?" Ophis asked, brows raised.
"Indeed! It is coming this week, actually. Sixteenth of April."
"…That's it? You summoned all of us here for such a menial thing?"
"Menial for you, perhaps, but it's certainly a big deal for us humans," chuckled Mom, surprisingly enough not bothered by his brashness. And, judging by the lack of annoyance in his expression, it didn't seem like he was trying to be offensive. "After all, it's something that only comes once every year. And just for that single moment, the person should be allowed to feel special, since it's all about them."
"Well, yeah. It comes every year."
"For those who live long, or probably live forever like you do. What about those who don't?" Dad's words made Six-eight-two go quiet, curious. "It's special. It reminds us that we're alive; of the day when we first came into the world. It's also a reminder of how, with every year that comes, we're only getting older. We transition from being babies to kids, then to teenagers, then adults and finally old people. And it's important to just… take a step back and cherish that thought."
"…Huh. You humans are incredibly sentimental, it seems."
"Hah. Well, that's how we are," he chuckled back. "Because we don't live long, we wanna' make sure we use what time we have to really appreciate things."
Ophis didn't exactly understand it, but she supposed it was something that she could come to learn with time. What she did know was that birthdays, and likely other traditions, were really important to the humans, and she had a feeling the same was felt by Issei, Mom and Dad.
Now that she thought about it, when was she born? It had been so long ago, and the concept of time and calendars never meant anything to her until only very recently. What use was there in remembering the day of her own birth, when all she ever had on her mind was her mission of subjugating Great Red.
That was… a little disheartening, now that she thought about it. It meant that she didn't have a single day all to herself; something that practically every other being had a right to. She'd have to look into that another time.
And before anyone could possibly suggest she ask Great Red; in no way in hell would she ever consider the idea. Nothing in the world could ever convince her to talk to the big ugly lizard.
"So, back on topic; Issei's birthday is coming in a week, and we're planning to celebrate it here with just the six of us."
Six-eight-two faltered. "Wait a moment. I don't recall giving my consent as to partaking in your celebration."
"Oh, come now, it's not like it would be the end of the world if you join us to celebrate Issei's birthday. It would really make him happy!"
"Like his joy matters to me," scoffed the lizard. "However, I recognize how stubborn your family can be, and you wouldn't stop bothering me until I agree to join. For the sake of my sanity, I'll make things easy for myself and agree," he steadfastly ignored her parents' and Lucy's cheer. "Although, I am surprised that it'll only be the six of us. Don't humans typically conduct such ceremonies with larger crowds?"
"We celebrated his birthday last year at a restaurant once—the first time we ever did anything of the sort—and invited some friends he made," Mom hummed, adopting a thoughtful look. "But he told us he didn't really like it. Probably all the attention that made him uncomfortable. So after that, we just planned to make it a small occasion with just us and the Shidou's."
"Shidou's?" Ophis asked.
"Oh, they were close friends of ours while they were still here. They moved away to England a year ago, so we were thinking it'd just be the three of us," and then, her expression brightened. "But now, we get to have you, Lucy and Six-eight-two with us!"
"And it would certainly be a strange party. It's not every day you get to have a birthday party with supernatural entities," Dad laughed. "But it'll certainly be fun, I'd bet."
"So long as you turn that frown, upside-down!"
"…Were you referring to me? I am not frowning!"
"But, you do have a… grumpy disposition."
"Tch. Forgive me for not being the embodiment of rainbows and sunshine."
And somehow, the thought of a giggly Six-eight-two eating cakes and cream with the cheeriness of Lucy has her shuddering. Some things in the world just aren't meant to be, and she found herself preferring the moody Six-eight-two over the alternative.
As if he read her mind, he promptly reached over to flick her in the forehead with his claws. "Ow."
What the Cake Should be Like
No one needed to be a genius to know that the brat's parents loved their child very much. Even Six-eight-two was able to gleam that from the first time he'd visited their home.
He sighed, listening to them beginning to brainstorm all sorts of things for what to do on the brat's birthday. What food to eat, what little activities and games to do—that last bit had drawn the dragon's attention, and even his fellow alien looked intrigued.
Despite all of that, they were sticking to simpler things, so that was one good thing. Six-eight-two would not been happy if they'd decided with 'costumes' and the like. He adamantly refused to dress up as anything, let alone a clown.
"…so let's decide on what flavour of cake we'll be getting for Issei."
"And does he have a favourite?"
"Nope. Issei practically eats anything," and then, the father looked away, sweat-dropping. "Except carrot cake…"
"Carrot cakes are delicious, though!" Pouted his wife. "I'm sure he'll understand just how good it is in the future, when he grows up. For the time being, he's not too big of a fan of vegetables."
"That's just how all human brats are in the beginning, huh?"
"Yep! It's a little strange that, of all things, it's vegetables that they hate in the start. I guess it's because their tastebuds just prefer tasty things, so sweet stuff and salty things may be preferred over vegetables—and most of them are usually bitter, so that's that."
The dragon child nodded, looking ridiculously serious. "That, is correct."
"Mmhm. But you still need to learn to eat your veges, Ophis-chan."
"Aww…"
"And what of Lucy?". The dog met his gaze when he said that, yipping happily.
"Well… We know she's an alien, but she does look like a dog, so we're definitely not giving her anything dogs can't eat."
"But she can literally eat anything."
"If she can eat anything, then there's a good chance that Issei and Ophis would sneak her anything that they don't want to eat," the dragoness sweat-dropped, looking away. "That would be a bad thing to do, so just to get everyone used to the idea, Lucy has to eat only things dogs can. Less for her sake and more for the children's," that was… a good point. God damn, she really thought it through.
Not like it would apply for him, though. Every day in the forest, he would literally eat anything he could get his hands on; meat, fruits, dried leaves and fish. Then again, he does avoid inanimate objects like rocks and dirt—sure, he could consume them, but was there really any enjoyment in crunching hard, chunky things? No. No there isn't. And he'd very much like to keep it that way.
He hummed to himself, knowing that he's happily reached a point in his life where he could actually think about his likes and dislikes. There would have never been this level of freedom back in his containment centre.
"Now then, just so that we don't waste food and the like, that's talk about what everyone wants to eat. Any special requests?"
Ophis couldn't have possibly raised her hand faster than she did. "Cake."
"That's a given, Ophis," chuckled her uncle—oh, wait. He's technically her father now.
"Then a chocolate cake."
"Chocolate, eh..?" He stroked his chin. "We'll have to see… We actually had chocolate cake for his birthday last year, so we're considering a different flavour this time."
"Umm… maybe vanilla?"
"…That should be okay," nodded the father. "We've never had vanilla cake for him. That should be fine. Any other suggestions?"
"Does the flavour of cake really matter that much?"
"It sort of will, you could say," the human woman said. "As I said just now, Issei only ever celebrated his birthday with other people last year—and that was actually the first time we got him cake. The years before, he was a little too young for that, so we never did. This year, though, we wanted to get him a cake again, and hopefully make it a delicious one."
"That so, eh..?" For some reason, he couldn't imagine the brat not eating cake every opportunity he could get, though he had a feeling the dragon child was a lot more voracious eater of sweets than her brother was.
"And truth be told, we don't exactly know his favourite flavour of cake. He's never really eaten that much, so we're a little unsure."
"So it'll be a game of figuring out what his favourite flavour of cake is!" Nodded the mother, looking excited. "How about you, Six-eight-two? Any suggestions?"
"In case you forgot, I've been in containment my whole life. Cake is a luxury I am wholly unfamiliar with."
"But if you had to choose," Ophis began. "What, would you like?"
What would he like, eh? That was a tough decision. He'd never been too fond of human cuisine, finding them a little too extravagant for his tastes. Although, the human woman's cooking had certainly been… enjoyable, loathe as he was to admit it.
Hmm. Cake, eh? Sweets just isn't really all that important in his mind, considering how he was more than happy with the natural selection in the forests back home. Still, if he had to pick one…
"I suppose… it would be cheesecake," he shrugged back at their curious looks. "I recall seeing a scientist eating a slice of it in the observatory. I was able to catch a whiff of its scent from my room, and… admittedly, it did smell nice."
Nice was a bit of an understatement. It was the most heavenly thing he had ever smelt in the containment facility, what with the chemical scent of concentrated acid and disinfectant, the smell of blood, and even bodily fluids like blood and piss. That single whiff of confectionary had been life-changing…
Until he was put into a million watt chamber and shocked over and over again. He ate five scientists as payback.
"Cheesecake..!" Gasped Ophis, looking oddly interested. "We should, have cheesecake! It has so many variety!"
Her uncle nodded, putting on a sagely expression. "New York, Vegan, Japanese, Swedish… It's one of the most diverse flavour when it comes to cake. It's no surprise that it's one of the more, if not the most popular cake flavour there is."
"I can bake that myself!" The woman looked proud of herself. Rightfully so, though, since she'd proven her cooking skills—then again, isn't cooking and baking two different skills? "I've baked plenty while I was a kid, so making a cake for Issei's birthday wouldn't be difficult. And it would be a lot better than buying from a shop."
"On that, I agree. The ability to cook on your own is incredibly beneficial, since you wouldn't have to spend too much. And you can control how much goes into your food. Who knows what goes into the food you consume in shops outside…"
"Ahaha… Let's not get too imaginative…"
"Also, do you, not put things on the birthday cake?" Ophis asked.
"We do. Typically, people who decorate the cake with stuff like cream and sprinkles. Then, they'd write a message on the cake. You know, 'Happy Birthday!' and all that, plus the birthday kid's name. And there would be a couple of candles in the cake, based on how old the child is. What else…"
"Some of the more creative ones would add stuff like plastic or consumable figurines on the cake. It's all about making the cake look more presentable."
"And kids love things that are really colourful. That's just how they are."
Yes, well, at least their idea was a lot more conservative. He had a feeling celebrities and rich people would have cakes the size of wedding cakes for their children's birthdays, and decorated so much that the volume of cream would far outweigh the cake itself.
Now that he thought about it, he was a little impressed by how… simple the Hyoudou's were. The fact that they were willing to go with their son's want of a small party with minimal people meant that they didn't exactly mind foregoing extravagant procedures—that and, you know. Doting on their kid.
"So, let's put cheesecake and vanilla on the table. Any other suggestions?"
The moment she said that, Ophis started spewing all the cake flavours that she learnt of from the Internet, which had him flinching at the sheer number of terms flowing out of her mouth. How she knew so much was so telling of her love for sweets. And the more she said, the more it felt like his blood vessels were clotting up.
The discussion doesn't last for much longer after that. Ophis sent him back to the forest, though not without a reminder that she'll come to pick him back up if there was ever another meeting in the future. He grumbled back a lazy affirmative before heading back to sleep.
Really, it would be so much simpler if they decided to just give up on inviting him to the brat's birthday party. Instead, they were just so adamant on getting him to join them if only because they'd practically cemented the idea of him being the brat's 'friend' that nothing else could deter them.
He sighed. He knew humans; selfish, horrible things. And the Hyoudou's were nothing of the sort. Just headache-inducing in the nicest ways possible.
Weird, How the Youngest is Technically the Oldest
Gorou Hyoudou was the very definition of a family man, working hard to provide for his family, while Miki Hyoudou was the support pillar, who attended to her husband's and son's needs without complaint and happy simply by making them happy.
And just from that alone, Six-eight-two had an understanding of just how wise they were. Through years of experience and the like, they had grown mature, making them the quintessential adults. If there were anyone who deserved to be role models, these two definitely fit the bill. Six-eight-two, even with his hatred for humankind, would admit to that (though he sure as hell wouldn't say that out loud to anyone, ever).
But the strangest realization he came upon, as they finished their little 'discussion' and were now chilling in the living room, was the fact that no matter how old the both of them were, they were simply incomparable to just about every other races in the world.
"Dragon," Six-eight-two called. She didn't look away from the television screen at first, though she eventually turned her gaze to meet his. "Tell me something. Do you remember when you were first born?"
"Hmm. I, cannot say that I was born," she began, looking back to the TV—and pumped her fists in time with Issei's boisterous cheer when the man wearing the bright red spandex suit defeated the monster with a wide kick. Six-eight-two rolled his eyes. "I came into existence, many a millennia ago. You could say that, with the birth of the universe, I too existed. Maybe."
"Maybe?"
"It has been too long. I cannot, remember every detail of my life. And I never really cared."
"That's pretty crazy," Issei noted. "That means you're older than all of us, huh?"
"And that includes your own human parents," the beast grumbled. "Which is certainly strange, isn't it? You look younger than everyone else, yet here you are, being the oldest being."
Somehow, Ophis managed to look a little peeved about that, pouting back. "Please don't bring that up. I, do not want to even think about that. Besides, isn't that the same for you?"
"I, too, can't exactly recall my own beginnings. Was I created as a science experiment gone wrong, or was I birthed from the earth, or born from another creature? All I can confirm is the fact that I have indeed existed on Earth since a long time—I am not from another dimension or planet."
It would have honestly been a lot more depressing if he had been from a different place. That would have made him wonder if his life in his old home was much better than it was now, though he supposed things have gotten pretty good. Being free of the facilities is an instant plus.
Now that he thought about it, it would be hard-pressed to believe that he was a creation of mankind. After all, for as advanced as their technology may be, he doubted that they would have enough materials to work with to create something as advanced as him. And why do so much experimentation on him to try and destroy him, when they could have created him in a way to obey them?
"And what of you?"
"Yip!"
He listened to the dog's constant barking, nodding. Thankfully, he was able to understand speech in any form of language, so there was no such barrier between the two.
"Is that so?"
"What did Lucy say?" The human brat asked.
"She says that the earliest memory she has of her birth is twenty-ninth April. Apparently, she woke up in a cemetery. And that it hadn't been all that long after your own parents were born."
"Cemetery? What, is that?"
"It's just a place where we bury dead people."
"Ah. I see."
At the very least, Lucy had an inkling of how old she was. And that allowed him to make a general mapping of everyone's ages; Ophis was the oldest, followed shortly by himself, then Lucy. Issei's parents came next, and Issei would be the youngest.
But Ophis was also Issei's younger sister, and that was just a whole lot of weird.
Ah well. Not like age necessarily meant anything in this household. What should be 'logic' could be discarded, if only so that no one has to deal with headaches. And Six-eight-two was very determined to make sure that his time with this household would do away with all of them.
…But for some reason, he has a feeling that things would continue to grow more out of control in this house. Why that was so, he had no idea, but oh well. Guess that would be something for the future him and future everyone to deal with when it comes.
Wishes
Issei was a lot of things. While not as absentminded as Ophis tended to be, he certainly had his moments where he couldn't see the bigger picture and was more happy to just enjoy the moment with a grin on his face and forget everything else.
But for the past few days, Issei had noticed something in the house. Something that told him that, whatever it was, he wasn't meant to know. After all, what else could explain away the little talks they had? What other reason could Mister Lizard have for constantly coming and going from here, with Ophis being the one to send him home and bring him over?
He knew what it was. His birthday was coming up soon!
He hadn't realized it at first, but when he checked his personal calendar in his room, he found out that his birthday was indeed getting closer. It really had been a good idea to mark it down in there—and he's got his parents' birthdays marked down there too.
'And Mom and Dad are try'na be secretive about it and making preparations for it,' he snickered in his mind, preparing to be none the wiser as he laid on his stomach and kicked his feet in the air, doodling in a book. 'Even Ophis, Mister Lizard and Lucy are in on it. Guess it'd be worth it for them if I just pretend like I dun' know anything.'
"Issei! No feet in the air!"
"Sorry, Mom!" He called back out, lowering his legs but still remaining lying down. He stuck his tongue out, trying to do his best to continue drawing.
Heavy footsteps left small tremors as something approached him. A large shadow loomed over him, and when he turned his gaze around, it was to the grumpy expression of Mister Lizard. "Brat!"
"Mister Lizard, hi!"
"I don't know how to say this, but I've told you plenty of times; I'm not Mister Lizard. My name is Six-eight-two."
"Nuh-uh. That isn't your name. Those are just numbers, and you can't make numbers a name!"
"Uh-huh. Then what's with all your anime characters with the name 'Zero'?"
Issei wanted to make a retort, but then realized that he was exactly right. "Dang. You got me there. But like… isn't it the people back in the facilities that gave you those numbers? Are you okay with using that as your name?"
There was no denying the fact that Mister Lizard really hated his days of captivity. Issei didn't fully understand his experiences, but he would have assumed that he'd want nothing to remember his old life by, which should have included his old name. But maybe not?
Still, he noticed how Mister Lizard went quiet. While most people would have had a hard time trying to understand an animal's expressions, Issei knew Mister Lizard well enough to be able to differentiate between his moods; grumpy was his typical setting. The other major emotion was calm. And right now, he looked thoughtful.
Eventually, he broke the silence with a hum. "You aren't wrong there, boy. I suppose, if the opportunity comes, I could indeed consider a change in name."
"Yeah, you definitely should! Maybe name yourself something super cool, like… like… Godzilla!"
"…Are you asking to be smacked in the head?" Despite his words, Issei could tell that he was grinning. That alone made the boy smile widely. "Gah, whatever. I'll think of my own name myself. You've got bad naming senses."
"Aw, come on! I came up with Lucy, and she loved it!"
"Again, you're not wrong. Agh, can't believe I lost to you twice…"
"Umm. Then we can make it both of our wins!"
"It's fine, it's fine. In any case, what were you drawing earlier?"
Oh! He wanted to know? Issei beamed, putting down his colour pencils and holding up the book for Mister Lizard to see. His many eyes focused on the drawing, and his earlier expression of curiosity slowly morphed into surprise and exasperation.
"Is that… me? And Lucy?"
"Yeah! I was going to draw me and Ophis, and then Mom and Dad later too. But I drew you two first because you guys aren't so easy to draw, and I wanted to make you look cool!"
"That would be hard to achieve at this rate. You made my head look like a pencil and my legs like chicken feet, and Lucy looks like a poodle. To say that we are in any way close to what we actually are is so far off the mark, it's remarkable."
"O-Oh. Um, that's…"
"But," he suddenly continued. "Even with how inaccurate they are, there's no denying that you put in effort in them. How long had you been making these?"
"Well… I think I was drawing and colouring them since eight?"
"Then you've been at it for half an hour," Mister Lizard looked… something. A lot softer, and a whole lot less grumpy. "I appreciate it, brat. And I'm sure Lucy would love that picture," he turned his head away. "And be sure to add everyone else, you included. It'd feel odd seeing just the two of us."
"Ahh…" Issei smiled. "Yeah, I will! Thanks, Mister Lizard!"
The SCP didn't even bother making his typical 'That's not my name' comment, slinking away towards the kitchen. Maybe to get a snack? Good thing that he could eat whatever he wanted, because Mom said that she hadn't bought any meat. Maybe they'll go grocery shopping later?
The boy grinned, looking back to his picture. Guess he could start easy and add himself and Ophis first. Make them stand in front of Mister Lizard and Lucy? Then Mom and Dad could stand to the sides.
Before he could grab a colour pencil, Issei felt something—like a little breeze blowing on his hair. It was enough to make him look up, wondering if someone opened the window or something, before he shrugged and continued to work on his drawing.
A couple of minutes went by before he heard something tumble in the background. He looked back up, wondering if it was something falling in the kitchen, but when the sound came again, he realized that it wasn't from there.
"Upstairs, then?" He asked himself, putting down his book and pencils and deciding to go up to check. Better to be safe, just in case. "Huh. Maybe it's Ophis? I don't know."
The sound came again, but it wasn't anywhere from his room, or Ophis's, or even his parents'. It was… downstairs? Humming, he went back downstairs, then tried to focus on the source of the sound.
Duk. Duk. Duk.
That sounds… really close, but he knew it wasn't from any rooms nearby. But it sounded like it was literally right where he was standing, so where could it possibly be…
A cold wind hit him in the face. And he was looking directly away from the window.
"Whoa, what?" He blinked. Wherever the wind was coming from, it was now literally blowing at him—and none of the windows or doors were open! "Weird. Where is this coming from?"
Now, any normal human being with half a mind would immediately decide that the most rational option in this sort of situation was avoid such a phenomenon and go find someone, preferably an adult or other people to find some form of protection. That was the most logical plan of action.
But Issei, understandably, was pretty young. He's only now turning seven in a few more days, and he hasn't started to consider the danger of things. After all, in a household where there's a dragon capable of world domination, a humans-hating lizard practically indestructible, and an alien dog with crazy abilities, one would forgive him for having gotten used to the oddities and considered them normal.
As such, what should have been a red flag practically flew over Issei's head… or, well, at him. Practically luring him, though he was hook, line and sinker as he followed the wind. Sort of like a game of following the rope, as it took him around the staircase…
And found a door in the wall close to the stairs.
"Huh. This certainly wasn't here before," and wasn't it weird that there was wind coming from there even with the door closed? He opened it, and the wind stopped, but what caught his attention was the path that headed downstairs. "Whoa! We definitely didn't have a basement before!"
What would be the word people would usually describe this sort of thing? Scary? Dangerous? Bad news?
"Cool!"
…Well, let it be known that he was a child desensitized to the idea of danger. Cut him a little slack, then.
And so, with nary a care and more excitement than befitting the situation, Issei went downstairs, making sure to close the door behind him—the world of darkness consumed him. And deep within the basement, a being of immaculate power awaited the human boy. Something was on the verge…
Author's Notes:
Time to introduce the next character next chapter, aw yeah.
Also, a little update regarding this fanfic's future. As pointed out by a recent review, there's an option to change a story to a multi-crossover fic. Hence, I'm considering doing just that once I add the next chapter, so you likely won't see this story in just the Highschool DxD list of stories; rather, you'll find it in the HsDxD x Multi-crossover section. What are you guys' opinions on that?