The Tonks' out-house was an unostentatious cube of red brick and beige slate roof tiles tucked into the corner of the Tonks' back lawn. It was small. The kitchen was just big enough for the Potters and the Tonks' to stand in. The bathroom could barely fit two people in. The lounge became cramped once James had stuffed a bushy Christmas tree into it but once a fire was lit, blankets were brought down from the bedrooms and tea was made, the Potters' new home was cosy.

The dim amber light from the fireplace was enough to get Lily excited about Christmas once again. She kept smiling to herself at the state of the lounge as more and more tinsel was thrown around, fairy lights were switched on and lengths of ivy and holly were strewn here and there. Lily sat at the foot of the tree, an open box of brand new tree decorations beside her. She glanced back at James, who was also sat on the floor. However, instead of buzzing with festive spirit like Lily was, he was hunched over at the coffee table, concentrating on the piece of parchment before him.

"James, will you give me a hand with the fairy lights?" asked Lily.

"In a minute," said James. "Does 'wit' count as a personal asset?"

"No,"

"I'm putting it anyway," and he scribbled something else onto the sheet of parchment.

"James," Lily implored. "You've been at it for hours. Come and decorate the tree with me."

James tossed his quill onto the coffee table and rubbed his hands on his face. "No-one ever told me that applying for a job is more stressful than the actual job."

Lily grinned. She brought her hand to her mouth to conceal it.

"What?" asked James.

"You've just smeared ink all over your face."

James groaned, causing Lily to laugh. He stood up and walked round the coffee table to the mirror above the mantelpiece. Lily heard him grumble something about zebras before licking his thumb and rubbing the ink smears off his cheeks.

"Bring Harry over," commanded Lily. "He should be part of the fun too."

James snorted. "I think he's having plenty of fun over there by himself."

Lily peered over at Harry, who was sat in the armchair by the door. He had been playing with the gold tinsel for so long that he'd completely tangled himself in it. Yet still he was shaking the end of it and listening to it rustle.

"Not the most co-ordinated of kids," commented James, who left the mirror to go and pick Harry up. He carried him to the tree and placed him down on the other side of Lily. "Just think, next Christmas he'll be able to properly enjoy it."

"Do you think we'll be in our own house by then?" asked Lily, unearthing the fairy lights from the box of decorations and passing them to James.

"Of course. We can't live here for a year."

James wrapped the lights around the back of the tree and passed the bundle round to Lily.

"I'll miss decorating the fur tree in our garden back in Godric's Hollow. I loved that."

James smiled. "Yeah. I did too."

Lily wrapped the lights around the front and passed them back to James with a fond smile. "Still, Christmas is about being together and here we are."

James smirked at her. "You've changed your tune."

"Hmm?"

"This time last week, you couldn't have cared less about Christmas. Now you're all smiley and festive and wearing hideous jumpers..."

Lily peered down at her chest. Her jumper was forest green, with galloping reindeers knitted on with glittery gold string between them as reins and white bobbles everywhere for snowflakes.

"You have to wear an ugly festive jumper at Christmas. It's the law in the muggle world."

James snorted. "No it isn't."

"Yes it is!"

"Of course it's not, that's ridiculous."

"It is! I mean, you don't get put in prison but you get fined £100"

James said nothing. He stood staring into space, wide-eyed, trying to deduce whether Lily was lying or not. When she burst out laughing, he rolled his eyes and flicked a pine needle at her.

They continued wrapping the lights around the tree until James tied them up at the top. Even before he was finished, Lily was delving into the box of decorations and pulling out baubles of every colour, long strings of tinsel and glittery bows.

"You're like a kid at Christmas," James grinned, taking a bauble from her stash.

"Everyone should be," she replied. "Do you want a go, Harry?" Lily handed a gold bauble to Harry who grasped it and stared at his bulbous reflection in its shiny surface. Lily hoisted him up onto his feet and held a branch steady, taking the gold string loop at the top of Harry's bauble and guiding it towards the tree. Harry whined as Lily threaded the bauble onto the tree.

"One day, he'll get it," said James.

"He'll love it once the lights are turned on," Lily smiled, tapping the bauble and making it swing in front of Harry's face, yet he resumed staring into space once more.

Lily sighed, grabbing another bauble and putting it on the tree. "I love Christmas,"

James smiled. "I know. You keep smiling to yourself. I'm relieved, to be honest."

Lily looked at him curiously, threading more baubles onto the three. "What do you mean?"

James shrugged, taking a string of tinsel. "I dunno, you seem a bit distracted lately. Maybe it's me being weird. Ignore me."

"You're not being weird," chuckled Lily. "You're right. I've been thinking about a lot of stuff recently."

"Yeah? Like what?"

"Well... you're applying for this auror job, so you're sorted with a job. "

James raised an eyebrow.

"Okay, you're almost sorted with a job. But I've been thinking about... what I'm going to do."

James stopped. He looked at her. "Oh... kay..." he glanced anxiously at Harry.

"Obviously I'm not abandoning Harry," Lily assured. "But I don't want to sit around doing nothing at home for the rest of my life either."

James seemed deep in thought for a moment. "So... what do you want to do?"

Lily bit her lip. "I was thinking about maybe writing a book."

James' face was blank for a moment. Then he nodded. "That suits you."

"What does? Writing a book?"

"Being a writer. Sitting at a desk writing. Signing books."

Lily blushed and smiled. "You reckon?"

"Yep! What do you think, Harry?"

Harry looked up.

"Do you think Mummy should write books?"

"Book!" Harry gasped, clumsily getting to his feet.

Lily laughed, knowing that Harry was now expecting Lily to read to him. "Later, darling," and she pulled him onto her lap.

"What's your book going to be about?" asked James.

Lily shrugged, stroking Harry's hair. "I just know I need to write something. It's like my hands are itching to do it. But I was thinking of writing something to help people. An advice book perhaps."

"Advice on what?"

"Whatever I feel like."

James grinned. "Fair play."

Lily smiled as the prospect of being an author became all the more tangible and the excitement of starting to write grew. She sighed happily. "I'll open the box of mince pies," she said wistfully, placing Harry on the floor by her knees and getting up to go to the kitchen.

When Lily left the room, James jumped out from around the tree and threw himself on the floor beside Harry, who didn't seem to notice him.

"Boo!" barked James. Harry flinched and looked up at him.

James lowered his voice. "Sounds like Daddy did well with Mummy's present, eh, Harry? Thanks for helping me choose it. I didn't have a clue this year."

"Book?" inquired Harry.

"Later, mate," James dismissed. "It's strange, isn't it? Blokes like us spend our whole lives with these women, learn them and stuff... and we don't know what the hell they want for Christmas, which is the one thing people are most sure of themselves!"

"Mummy..." said Harry vaguely, peering in the direction of the door.

"Yeah... you're right. It is endearing to know that our human emotions can't always be symbolised by material possessions. Wise words from Harry Potter, once again."

"James," said Lily from the door. James glanced at her. She walked in with a tray of mince pies in her hand. "Please stop pretending to have philosophical discussions with Harry. His speech is developing and you're probably confusing him."

"I'm widening his vocabulary."

"You're talking out of your arse."

"That's what philosophy is."

"Stop philosophising!"

"Okay!" James sat up and held his hands up in defeat as Lily sat back on the floor, the mince pies offered up on the coffee table.

James looked back at his son and grinned, excited for the days when they would both be able to laugh together at their jokes on Mummy.

oOo oOo oOo

Since he was twelve years old, James had always smiled to himself when he'd realised that it was Christmas morning. He was awake and alert quicker than was humanly possible for the rest of the year. As a child, Christmas was dull. It was lonely. It was not like the Christmasses enjoyed by the characters in his favourite books. James' parents would watch him open his masses of presents, their love bribes, their apologies for turning him rotten from isolation. That all changed, however, when he joined Hogwarts. He hadn't expected such a day when he stayed at Hogwarts for Christmas that first year. He and his friends had a warm Christmassy common room all to themselves to tear into their presents from each other, make themselves sick with sweets and chocolates and games of exploding snap, knocking over statues when they couldn't wait to get outside before testing out their new broomsticks. James would remember the snowball fights and the delicious feasts for the rest of his life. Not even his wrath towards Pettigrew could sour his memories of those Christmases.

Now, Christmas was about family.

Before Lily, James had never been truly excited to give someone a present. Sure, he'd been eagerly awaiting his friends' reactions when they'd opened his presents, but James knew Lily better than anyone and he knew how she would feel with each present she opened.

James grinned and rolled over in bed to wake up Lily, only to find that she was lying on her back, staring at the ceiling, wide awake.

She turned her head to look at him, and smiled. "Morning."

"Another nightmare?"

Lily's smile did not fade. "Mhmm."

James frowned. He wriggled forward and put his arm around her waist. He pulled her closer to him. "They'll stop eventually. We did just come out of a war-"

"It's okay," said Lily reaching over to stroke his stubble. "I'm not upset."

"...but-"

"We lived to see another Christmas. I'm rather happy about that."

James gave a reluctant smile.

"Okay, true, I still feel... odd," Lily compromised.

"In what way?"

Lily shrugged. "I don't know. I don't feel... alive."

James furrowed his eyebrows and leant up on his elbows. "You feel dead?"

"No," said Lily quickly. "I feel... I feel like we should be dead. We survived Voldemort's attack through a fluke, James. I'm starting to forget what happened that night. I'm not sure I've ever truly understood it, to be honest..."

"But that's good, isn't it? It means you're moving on."

Lily looked uncertain. "I think it's good. But part of me thinks I should be struggling with it for years to come. People don't just forget things like that."

James frowned. "It'll be with us forever, Lils. There's no getting over it, there's just... learning to live with it."

Lily's eyes turned glassy. "That sounds sad."

James agreed with her, yet said nothing. Instead, they both listened to the silence. Harry was not awake yet and there were no tourists running around outside, looking for them. The nearest people were the Tonks family, and James and Lily could hardly hear them.

Lily turned to face James and smiled. "Happy Christmas."

James smiled back. "Let's wake Harry."

But before either of them could initiate that action, the doorbell rang.

The two of them stared at each other, wide-eyed.

"Who's that?" James whispered.

Lily rolled her eyes. "How should I know?" she spoke. "And why are you whispering?"

Lily threw the covers off herself and sat up, only to have James throw an arm out to her waist and hurl himself across her, onto the bedroom floor.

"James! What are-"

"What if it's a Death Eater?" James hissed.

"Mrs Potter?" called a very high-pitched voice. James peered out the window, bewildered. "Mr Potter? It's me! You in?"

"I think that's... Dora!" Lily whispered. "James, go and see her!"

"Why me?!"

"You're nearest the door!"

James huffed and left the room. As he walked across the landing, he slowed past Harry's bedroom door, which was left open all night nowadays in case he stirred. All James could here was Harry's breathing.

James padded down the stairs and opened the front door. True to Lily's prediction, Nymphadora Tonks stood beaming brightly in a night-dress and wellington boots, hands held firmly behind her back.

"Dora," James yawned, rubbing his eyes. The morning light, however dim, was still brighter than his bedroom. "Merry Christmas."

"Merry Chrimbo, Mr P. Mum thinks you and Mrs Potter would think I was annoying if I came over here. Said I wasn't allowed to come over until just before we head off to the Weasley's 'cause Christmas morning's a family affair. I'm not disturbing you lot, am I?"

"Not at all," James yawned again. "Come in."

James reluctantly fell into the hallway to let Dora in. She tripped over the threshold as she entered, but gazed around the hallway and into the kitchen and lounge doors as though it were a museum. "I like what you've done with it!"

"Thanks," James mumbled.

"Nymphadora?" called Lily. She was coming down the stairs, now wrapped in a fluffy dressing gown. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong, Mrs P!" Dora grinned. "I just wanted to give Harry his Christmas present," and from behind her back, Dora presented the ugliest-looking stuffed animal James had ever seen. It was floppy and rainbow-coloured, with all sorts of mismatched fabrics stitched sloppily together.

James watched Lily's jaw drop in forced amazement. "Did... you make that yourself, Nymphadora?" she asked, taking the thing from Dora and appraising it in her hands, trying to decipher what animal it was actually meant to be.

"Yep! I was up all night doing the stitching. Ran out of fabric at about two in the morning so I had to nick the lounge curtains. That's the red bit there."

"Oh, Nymphadora, I... this is wonderful!"

Lily was rather convincing.

"Where is Harry?" asked Dora, peering back into the living room.

"Oh, he's sleeping at the moment, but I'll give this to him when we start opening our presents."

"And you have to tell him it's from me."

"We certainly will."

"Good. Well, I must dash. I'm not supposed to be here. Mum's planning on coming over to yours later, though, to say you're invited to the Weasley's lunch. Sirius is coming too. Oh, and she'll bring you your Christmas presents. There's a bottle of muggle drink and a really ugly teapot that Mum made herself. Don't tell her I told you what they were."

"Oh, gosh, wow..." Lily blinked. "Er, we won't."

Nymphadora grinned again. "So... what do you think of Harry's present, Mr Potter?"

"Er, well, obviously I think it's awesome. It's so- it's- it's so colourful. Don't you agree, Lily?" James glared wide-eyed at Lily. Help me out, here.

"Oh wow, yes, it's beautiful!" Lily breathed. "I've never seen a more colourful... parrot."

"It's a crocodile, Mrs P."

"Yeah, Lily, isn't it obvious? It's a crocodile,"

Lily blushed red. "Oh yes, a crocodile. I see it now. Yep. There's the... snout. How silly of me."

"Don't worry about Mrs Potter," James said to Dora. "She's not usually blind. It must be because it's so early that she hasn't woken up properly yet."

"Ah, okay. Well, I'll see you all later. Will Harry be coming to the Weasley lunch?"

"Um... yeah?" James replied.

"Cool. See you!" Dora skipped straight back out the door and down the path back to her house.

"You might as well leave the door open," Lily smiled. "Your present is out there."

oOo oOo oOo

Two hours later, James was sat on the sofa surrounded by shredded wrapping paper, still stroking the vintage Oakshaft 79 that Lily had bought him. On the floor by his feet, Harry sat indifferent to his new train set. The gift of the year for Harry was, surprisingly, Nymphadora's crocodile.

Since he'd opened it, once he'd given Lily the biggest thank-you he'd ever given her, all James had thought about was what Sirius' face would look like when he saw the broom. Lily had made a half-hearted point earlier about being able to feel their freedom for once, and that had something to do with her decision to get him a broomstick, yet James was not ready to fly this one. This one was a collectors' broom and he was not going to be the one to break it. He would wait until Harry was older and then blame it on him.

"You're so beautiful..." James whispered to the shiny mahogany wood.

"I know you're talking to me, James," Lily called from the kitchen. "Because if you were talking to the broomstick, I will quite happily return it to the shop."

"And I would quite happily buy it back. So sod your blackmail."

Lily walked in carrying a fresh plate of mince pies. "Not too many," she told James as she placed them down on the sofa arm beside him and taking one for herself. "We've got Christmas dinner later."

Lily sat down beside Harry on the floor amongst all the wrapping paper and swallowed a bite of her mince pie. "Who exactly are the Weasleys? I don't think I know them."

"Yeah you do," said James. "They were at the cremation." James trailed off.

Lily waited. "...Nope. Give me a clue."

James gave her a pointed look. "Mrs Weasley's Fabian and Gideon's sister."

Lily's humour faded. "...oh."

"Yep."

"So..." Lily began. "Oh, God..."

"Lunch is going to be excruciatingly uncomfortable. That is, if we're invited at all."

"Of course we are, Nymphadora told us we were."

"Yeah, well, Nymphadora's name is Nymphadora. I don't trust people with stupid names."

Lily coughed, and uttered a word that ended in "irius".

From outside, James heard the unmistakable deafening hoot of Cadwal, the immense owl he'd purchased weeks before. James leapt to his feet, hearing how close Cadwal was. Sure enough, the owl was perched on the window ledge outside, a tiny envelope in his beak. James walked over to the window and wrenched it open to let the bird in. Cadwal gave a low grumpy hoot in thanks and dropped the letter into James' waiting hand. In another room, James heard Lily trying to coax Tuppy out of his hiding place.

James recognised the seal immediately.

Dear James,

I hope you can spare just a few minutes to visit me in my office at Hogwarts as soon as you can. I hate to disturb you and your family on Christmas morning but this meeting is of utmost importance.

Albus P.W.B Dumbledore.

"Wow..." James said lowly.

"What is it?" asked Lily from the sofa.

James held up the letter. "Dumbledore's asked me to go and see him. Now."

"Now? "

"Says it's urgent."

"Oh... just you?"

James glanced down at the letter again. "Yep. Just me. Although I don't see why you can't come with me."

Lily bit her lip then. "Actually, you go ahead. I was thinking of... taking Harry to the graves. You know, to visit Marlene."

"Oh..." James frowned slightly. His gift to Lily had been one of the few pictures of Marlene that Lily had, encased in a very old locket he'd found in a small muggle shop in London that she'd always loved. It was the only picture of Marlene and Harry that didn't have Sirius acting like an idiot in the background. It was taken a month before she'd died. James knew the repercussions of presenting Lily with such a gift so near the end of the war, but had thought at the time that it was important.

"Well... I'll only be five minutes, then I can come with you."

"No, it's okay," she said.

James nodded. "Fair enough. Will you be alright?"

She nodded, then stood up, a much more serious expression on her face. "I can't even begin to tell you how much I love my gift from you." She toyed with the locket that hung on her chest, its beautiful antique elegance nowhere near as precious as the image held inside.

"Good," James gave a weak smile. "I was a bit worried about it. You've been having a hard time and... well, I didn't know if that picture would help, but-"

"It does," Lily said quickly. "Um... I was... I want to take Harry to the graves. You know, to... visit her."

James swallowed. "Sure. I'll just... go and see what Dumbledore wants."

"Sure. Tell him Merry Christmas from me."

"...sure."

oOo oOo oOo

Lily used the fireplace in the Three Broomsticks to floo from Devon to Scotland. Hogsmeade itself was deserted, with all the students at home for the holidays or sitting in front of common room fires at Hogwarts with their Christmas presents. Nobody was in the pub. Nobody was walking around in the snow outside. The merriment of winter Hogsmeade trips that Lily remembered was once again a distant memory, despite her last one occurring just over three years ago. Hogsmeade was now just as bleak and baron as it had been a month ago.

Lily clutched Harry closer to her as the winds picked up, blowing clouds of snow from the ground towards them. The way her cloak billowed around them unnerved her. It reminded her of Death Eaters and the way they circled their prey.

To Lily's surprise, the graveyard was just as empty as the village. Through the shelter of bare branches, only a light dusting of snow had reached the ground. It was bizarre, walking towards a plot of dead friends and not bawling at the sight of them. But in Lily's mind, they were just headstones. Every stone was a dead person, yes, but it was difficult to fathom that real dead people, real friends that she'd known and laughed with and hugged were corpses in the ground beneath her feet.

Harry squirmed and Lily put him down on the ground. "Be careful," she told him vaguely as he ran among the graves. The paths were icy and Harry was clumsy.

Lily knew where Marlene and her brother lay. Dumbledore had brought her there at the month-anniversary, and given her words of comfort so profound that Lily couldn't bear to think of them.

As Lily walked to Marlene, she made a detour to Dorcas. Her grave was lonely-looking, several feet away from anyone else's. Lily remembered Mr and Mrs Meadowes at the memorial, and recalled that the only emotions they showed that day were ones of shame and embarrassment.

Dorcas Prudence Meadowes

Born 27th September 1959. Died fighting evil 25th September 1981.

The Bravest Of All.

Hours before turning twenty two, Voldemort had murdered her. Lily remembered her twelfth birthday in the common room, a lonely affair having not made any friends in the first month of Hogwarts. Lily had forced Marlene to join her in sneaking Dorcas some scones from the Great Hall as a birthday present. She'd cried all day, having not received so much as a card from her parents. She had died in combat against the oppression of her kind.

The Bravest Of All.

"You certainly were, Dorcas."

Dorky. That's what the Slytherins had called her.

Dorcas had died rescuing eight muggles from Voldemort's servants. She'd fought him for them, and their memories were then erased of her.

Lily inhaled so loudly that Harry stopped running around and looked at her. She did not look at him.

"Come with me," she managed.

Harry followed Lily to the corner, where Marlene and her brother lay side by side. Lily knelt on the frozen wet ground in front of them. On top of them.

Marlene Daisy McKinnon

Born 30th May 1960. Died protecting those she loved 8th July 1981.

"I may not be a lion, but I am a lion's cub and I have a lion's heart" - Queen Elizabeth I

Much Beloved Daughter, Sister and Friend.

The halls of Hogwarts used to echo with the sound of her. Peals of laughter. Screams of rage.

"Harry?" called Lily thickly. She was crying.

Harry plodded towards her and gave her an impromptu kiss on her cheek and wiped his mouth of her tears.

"Look, Harry," Lily grabbed hold of his waist and pointed at the name. "Do you remember Marlene?"

Harry looked up at her, alert. "Mar-reen?"

Lily beamed at him. "Yep. Marlene's here."

Harry looked behind her shoulder. "Ooh..." Surprisingly, it did not make her cry more to see Harry looking for her. She turned her attention back to the headstones, and stared at the word Marlene carved in cold blue-ish rock.

"Hello..." Lily said, feeling stupid. But her words lingered in the air, as though it were possible for Marlene to hear. Her silence was her response now. "I've brought Harry," she continued. "I thought I would. It's Christmas, after all. You're his Godmother."

The locket grew heavy on her neck.

"Oh, James got me this," she pulled it out from underneath her cloak and opened it. She felt stupid showing it to the headstone, but did anyway. It would make her sick to direct her speech to the ground. "Isn't it lovely?"

Silence.

The picture inside depicted Harry sitting on Marlene's lap, back in the days when he was just learning to sit up. Marlene was helping him. He was clutching her hands either side of him until she let him go. He sat upright for a split second before wobbling and collapsing back onto Marlene's stomach, causing her to laugh.

"He's grown a lot in the past year, hasn't he?"

Silence.

Lily sighed. "I hate this. I hate having to do this without you. I... I'm scared of moving forward without you. It'd be like choosing to leave you behind."

Silence.

"I don't know if I can move on from this."

Silence.

"This is the part where you tell me to stop being a moron, Marlene."

Silence.

"James wants more kids. I think I do too. How do you feel about that?"

Silence.

Lily snorted. "You were always nagging me to have more. Even when Harry was born, you told me to give him a sister." Lily laughed. "You were so sure Harry would be a girl..."

Silence.

"Maybe you'll be right about him being gay."

Silence.

"Come on, Marlene, I need you to snap me out of this. It's upsetting James. Come on."

Silence.

"Sirius has a girlfriend. She's your double."

Silence.

"Oh, come on, Marlene! I can't do this! I need you to come back! I need you to make me sane again! What good am I to James and Harry if I'm miserable for the rest of my life? Help me! Answer me!"

"Lily?"

A man's voice.

Lily's arm was around Harry again instantly. Her other hand was on her wand. She stood up slowly. She turned slowly, and nearly collapsed again.

"Severus..."

He stood there, face as white as the snow falling around them, looking even more ashen at the sight of her. He was in the graveyard, metres from her. Same black cloak. Same lank black hair. Same night-black eyes. He looked sick.

He stared open-mouthed at her. He could've passed as a statue. As a grave.

Of all the places Lily had imagined seeing him again, here was not the place.

"Why are you here?" Lily asked him. Her voice sounded wrong. It sounded foreign to her to be talking to him again. She never thought she would.

He struggled for an answer for several moments, as though he still did not believe that she was really there. "I... I, honestly, I didn't know you'd be here..."

Lily laughed darkly. "It's Christmas morning. Where else would we be?"

Severus Snape noticed Harry for the first time, despite him being in Lily's arms. It was as though he hadn't known he'd ever been born. "He looks... bigger than I thought he'd be."

Lily shrugged. "He's nearly eighteen months old now."

"Eighteen months..." Severus echoed. "And... he's doing magic?"

"Of course," Lily snapped a little too defensively. She cleared her throat. "A fair bit."

Severus frowned. "You must be proud," he sounded scathing.

"I am," said Lily. "Just as proud as I would be if he wasn't showing magic."

"Forgive me, I didn't mean-"

"Yes you did."

"No, I didn't."

Silence fell between them. Harry pointed at Severus and looked questioningly at Lily, but all Lily could do was reassure him with a forced smile.

"You haven't answered my question," Lily continued. "Why are you here?"

Severus swallowed. "I came to... to pay my respects."

Lily gave a strange shrill laugh. "To the people you killed?!"

Severus grimaced. "I killed no-one."

"There are lots of people dead because of you, Severus. I know you went to Voldemort."

Severus looked ready to throw up. "You don't understand."

Tears of anger welled in Lily's eyes.

"No, no, I meant that-"

"All these people, Severus... I don't give a damn what you think their blood was worth but these people were good people and they might have lived if you hadn't sold information to Voldemort."

"Lily, please-"

"Dorcas would've been alive right now. Fabian and Gideon... Marlene wouldn't have died! She was my-"

"I already told your bastard husband that I had nothing to do with McKinnon!" Severus shouted.

The wind through the trees sounded like hissing. It reminded Lily of hallway gossip.

"...You spoke to James?" she asked weakly.

Something of a smirk played at the corners of Severus' lips. He stood taller. "A fortnight or so ago."

"Where?"

"Outside your old house, or what was left of it. Did he not tell you? I didn't think he would."

James had spoken to Severus. He hadn't told her. Lily closed her eyes. "I see."

"It was just as well I bumped into him, really. I found your cat in the street and returned it to Potter. We talked at length."

"I'm sure."

"We discussed you, mostly. You and your son. Really, I'm astounded that Potter didn't mention it to you."

Lily was suddenly exhausted. She swayed on the spot. "Please shut up, Severus."

"I thought he might've ranted to you about my teaching position at Hogwarts. Then again, he was too hot-headed to realise that it meant I'd be teaching his son..."

Lily put Harry down on the floor as gently as she could manage before storming up to Severus and standing inches from his face. "Was that a threat?"

Severus did not move away. "Not to you."

"You won't hurt Harry."

"Of course not."

"But you would if he wasn't mine."

Severus grimaced again. "Despite what you think, Lily, I'm not a monster."

"Really, though. If Harry was James' child but not mine... would you hurt him just to get back at James?"

"Lily, where are you going with this? What would be the point in my answer?"

Lily stepped back, feeling sick. "You're not denying it."

Severus cast his gaze to the floor. "You swore never to talk to me again. That wouldn't change no matter what I said to you."

Lily backed further away and picked up Harry, who protested as she hugged him to her. "Leave," she ordered.

"Lily..."

"I didn't come here to chat."

"Neither did I."

Lily rolled her eyes in frustration. "Severus, please, just leave me with my friends."

Severus opened his mouth to say something further, then closed it. Rather than wait for him to walk away, Lily chose to turn her back on him. She felt uncomfortable now, standing over Marlene's dead body and clutching a struggling toddler to her side, knowing Severus was still stood several feet away.

James had kept a secret from her. Her friends were dead. Severus Snape was behind her. She was trapped, completely alone, and it made her cry.

"I need you," she mumbled to Marlene's name on the headstone. "I need you and Dorcas and Alice. I'll be fine after that. I can face anything with you."

Lily felt a hand on her shoulder. She didn't even have the energy to smack the hand away. The memory of hugging Severus as a child made her cry further, but when Severus crouched down beside her to embrace her, she was able to lunge away from him. "Please don't," she begged, standing up. Harry was clutching her now. "Please... just don't."

They'll still be here, Lily tried to reason with herself as she walked back through the graves towards the gate. They'll always be here.

"Lily!" Severus called, but she did not turn around. "LILY, PLEASE!" He cried.

Hating herself, Lily slowed. She stood in the middle of the path, just outside the graveyard.

"Are you... are you happy?" he asked. "Does Potter make you happy?"

Harry leant his head against Lily's shoulder.

"We're happy together. Why do you ask?" Lily called back, not turning around.

It took Severus a long time to answer. "I've never seen you look so sad."

Lily turned her head to speak over her shoulder, but she still could not bring herself to look at him. "Find someone, Severus. Don't waste your life waiting for me."

Lily walked as quickly as she could towards The Three Broomsticks, dreading her next encounter with James but not wanting to stay in the graveyard a second longer.

oOo oOo oOo

Dumbledore was facing his fireplace the moment James stepped out of it.

"Merry Christmas, James," greeted the Professor warmly. "Have a seat. Have a bon bon."

Dumbledore's office was just as James remembered: ticking and buzzing with sounds of magical contraptions and smelling faintly of plums. James and Sirius had once endeavoured to find out for themselves whether behind his ancient books were rows upon rows of endless jars of muggle boiled sweets. It had been one of their many escapades that resulted in detention.

"You wanted to see me, Headmaster..." James mumbled vaguely, admiring the office. He felt like a boy again, more so than he already did.

"Yes, I did," said Dumbledore, walking past his chair towards a cupboard. "I have a present for you."

James' focus came back to him. He sat up straight. "A present? What, a Christmas present?"

"If you like," said Dumbledore. He opened the cupboard, which was filled with drawers. He pulled open the middle one and prised out a rolled-up length of shimmering material.

"My invisibility cloak!" James leapt to his feet, his chair scraping against the stone floor. "You're giving it back to me?"

"The war is over and you have a young son," Dumbledore smiled, taking a seat in his own chair and siding the cloak across his desk towards James. "It is therefore your duty to act the fool. I think your cloak might help you in that regard."

"Is that why you kept it so long, Headmaster?"James asked with a smirk. "It was just too fun acting the fool?"

Dumbledore smiled. "Something along those lines."

James took the cloak, unrolled it and watched his legs disappear as he draped it over his lap. He grinned at the Headmaster. "I've missed it."

"I'm glad to have reunited you. But tell me, James, what lies in store for you in the future? We are soaring towards a new year and I believe we have never been more relieved of a new beginning. What can I expect from you?"

James sighed and sat back. "I've no idea. Something."

Dumbledore tilted his head to the side. "James?"

James shrugged. "I dunno what's coming. I'm not used to planning my life. I just plan battles and rescue missions."

Dumbledore smiled. "Not anymore."

"I suppose not. Well... oh, I don't know. I'm applying for a job as an auror. That might get me somewhere..." James suddenly realised who he was talking to: The Minister's chief advisor and confidante. "...but I'm not sure I'll be accepted, which is a shame. I'm desperate for this job."

Dumbledore sat back in his chair. "Is that so?"

"Yeah. Obviously, I want to provide for my family. And there's still Death Eaters out there and other wizards doing bad things... evil doesn't just exist in wars, you know?"

"I have every confidence that you'll make a fine Auror, James. You deserve it."

James smiled. "You reckon, Headmaster?"

Dumbledore gestured with his hands towards James. "You and Lily saved many lives during the war."

James' smile faltered. "Not enough lives, though."

Dumbledore watched James intently. "I am sorry for your losses, James. For Lily's, too. I truly am."

"Thank you."

Dumbledore blinked and looked down at the desk. "My only hope now is that history does not repeat itself."

"It won't," James said quickly, as though to stop history from getting any ideas. "It never will. That's why I want to be an Auror: to stop it from happening again."

"Do you believe that Aurors could have stopped Voldemort from killing all those people, James?"

"Obviously not. But they could have stopped the Death Eaters. People like Bellatrix Lestrange, who kill people for sport, need to be in Azkaban."

"And you would ensure that?"

"I'd try my best."

Dumbledore smiled again. "Then you need to make that clear to all who meet you."

"...Sir?"

"You want a safe world because you understand what it's like to wonder if you're family are going to be alive next year. There are some people who are just like you in that respect and many more people who have no idea. You want to protect those people from what you have seen in this war. If you become that fierceness; if you expel that passion for a better world than this, then you'll succeed in every one of your endeavours."

James stared, open-mouthed. "...yes, Sir."

"I would warn you not to forget where your heart is coveted the most, James, but I know you never will."

At Dumbledore's words, James pictured Lily sitting with Harry on the floor on Christmas Eve, helping him attach a decoration to the tree.

"Thank you, Sir," said James. "I'd better be going now."

Dumbledore smiled knowingly. "Enjoy the rest of your Christmas, James. My best wishes go with you to your delightful family."

"Thank you, Sir..."

James couldn't get to the fireplace quick enough. So eager, in fact, that he forgot to pick up floo powder. Dumbledore chuckled, picking up the pot of powder himself and holding it out to James.

"I hope you and your family find that next year is a happier one than this. You deserve it."

James picked a pinch of Floo powder. "Three and a half, Hollyfield Road!" James yelled, throwing the powder down at his feet.

As soon as he recognised the sofa of his living room from within the green flames, he leapt out of the fireplace and scanned the room for Lily.

"Lily?" he called to the rest of the house, the urge to hold her and kiss her almost eating him up. "Where are you?"

When Lily stepped calmly into the lounge, James knew immediately that something was wrong. That something was him, and he knew it. The worst of it was that James had done enough things to not be able to know straight away what was upsetting Lily specifically.

"Lily?" he tried. "Where's Harry?"

"Sleeping."

"Oh... what's wrong?"

Lily took a deep breath. "Severus Snape was at the graves."

James' pulse suddenly started pounding in his ears. "What did he say?"

He knew it was a stupid thing to ask. It disappointed her, he could see that. She looked away from him. "He said a lot of things."

James looked down at the floor. "I bet he did."

"Why didn't you tell me you'd seen him?" she asked quietly.

James gulped. "I didn't want to burden you."

"Why not?" she asked, louder this time. He looked up at her, and saw that she was disbelieving.

"Because- because you were upset."

"Hah! Obviously! But that doesn't mean you have to hide it from me!"

"Well, you did say you didn't want anything to do with him anymore..."

"I know, but still... I don't think you were hiding it from me to protect me."

James raised an eyebrow. "No? What was my motive then?"

Lily crossed her arms. "If you'd told me, you would've had to tell me that you'd hit him."

"So?" James shrugged, looking away.

"Oh my God!" gasped Lily. "You did hit him!"

"You weren't there, Lily!" James took a step towards her, suddenly angry at the memory of the night he and Snape had met. "He was taking the piss! He was saying all this stuff-!"

"Oh, this rings a bell..."

"No, this was nothing like Hogwarts! This was Snape's typical bollocks but even more sadistic than he normally is!"

"Well, I wouldn't know, would I? You didn't tell me!"

"No, but apparently Snivellus did!"

"Don't call him that."

"What?"

Lily looked away from James this time.

"Lily, you can't defend him over me. Not after everything he's done."

Lily scoffed. "I'm not bloody defending him. That doesn't mean I'm happy with you. You lied to me."

James was suddenly very cold. "Lily-"

"You lied to me about Bagnold, too. And about where you were going to look for work."

"I didn't want to-"

"-burden me, I know."

That didn't seem to mean anything to her. When Lily said it out loud, it even sounded stupid.

"We're not supposed to keep things from each other, James. Imagine if I'd seen Severus today and not told you. Imagine if I'd been to visit the Minister for Magic and not told you that either."

James took a deep breath. "If Remus and Sirius had died in the war, I wouldn't need any more problems than my own."

Lily blinked rapidly. "What's your point?"

James took a tentative step towards her, then blinked back pathetic tears when she backed away from him.

"You lost Marlene and Dorcas and... and Alice. Petunia was being a bitch. You weren't sleeping and you weren't eating much either. I was worried about you, Lily. I didn't want to push you over the edge."

"Over the edge of what?"

Silence lingered. James opened his mouth to reply, but could not. He had spent up to now trying not to think about what 'the edge' might be.

Lily bit her lip, turned away from him and walked out into the hall. He heard the front door open.

"Where are you going?" he asked urgently, running into the hall after her. She was unhooking her coat from the peg by the door.

"To Andromeda's. I'll... I'll walk to the Weasley lunch from hers."

"What? Lils, you can't-"

"I'll send Sirius over here. I'll... see you later."

"Lily!" James ran to the door as she left and grabbed her arm. She turned round, looking up at him with watery eyes.

"What's happening?" asked James, sounding more like a first year than he had when he was eleven.

Lily cast her eyes downwards. "I'm just... upset. I'll see you later."

He watched her walk up the path to the Tonks' house in utter disbelief.

oOo oOo oOo

Fifteen minutes later, Lily was crying on Andromeda's sofa. An hour after that, Sirius arrived. Andromeda sent him straight over to James and forced a large glass of mulled wine down Lily's throat to distract her.

At twelve o'clock, when Lily looked convincingly like someone who had not been crying, she and the Tonks family set off for the Weasleys' house.

"I used to have Christmas dinner with Arthur Weasley all the time," explained Andromeda as they trudged down a frozen country path towards Ottery St Catchpole. "I was seventeen when I first met him. Mad as a box of frogs, his family, but good people. Christmasses with just Arthur and his parents and two brothers were hectic enough but he's got a whole litter of them with Molly now. Things can get a little... chaotic... at their place."

"Chaotic?" Lily echoed.

"Nothing too disastrous," interjected Ted. "But remember that the Weasley children can smell fear. Just be authoritative and you should be fine."

Lily gulped. "I'm nervous now."

"Don't be," Andromeda laughed. "They're alright, really. Although I don't envy Molly for having the twins... I wouldn't want to be in that house in a few years time, I can tell you..."

When they reached Ottery St Catchpole, Lily thought the place was quaint enough. She couldn't picture the animal house that she now expected of the Weasleys' in this village. Then again, she wasn't thinking about the Weasleys at all. Almost everything about the village reminded Lily of James. It had all the rickety shops of Hogsmeade, where they had shared so many dates in their final year of Hogwarts. Muggles in jeans and duffle coats were walking in clumps of family members towards the church at the other end for service, as the muggle community Lily had grown up in always had done towards the church at the end of her road. She'd spent a very long afternoon explaining the concept of muggle religion to James. And finally, the war memorial in the middle. As Lily, Ted and Andromeda walked past, the memorial did not change as it did in Godric's Hollow, but a memorial did not need to look like pain to remind someone of a war.

"That's their house up there," Andromeda pointed to the clump of trees way beyond the village and saw a little to the right of it a bizarre building, which looked to be billowing slightly in the breeze.

"Why, it's... charming."

"It's a pigpen," said Andromeda as neutrally as she could. "A pigpen with rooms stacked on top of it. It's perfectly safe, though. Arthur's raising seven children in there and it hasn't fallen down once."

"Magic, eh?" grinned Ted to Lily.

Lily scanned the path in front of them, then looked back. Nobody was around that she recognised. "Where are the others?" she asked.

"They'll be along," Andromeda assured her.

It wouldn't surprise Lily if James had chosen not to come to the lunch at all.

When the group were clear of the village and were getting closer to the house, Lily could hear ominous sounds coming from within it. They became clearer and clearer as they neared it. Sounds of screaming children, banging doors, clunking footsteps running around and a wailing baby were all that greeted them as they stepped through the open pigpen gate, only to be cadenced with the sound of a plate crashing to the floor.

The house was rumbling. Lily stared at Andromeda and Ted in alarm. "How many kids to they have?!"

"Six," said Ted, who looked nervous even with his wisdom of the family. "But they're not that old..."

"Seven," Andromeda corrected. "They had a girl in August."

"Oh. Did they?"

"Yep."

"Oh."

Before they even reached the door, it swung open and a young girl with a mop of vibrant orange hair ran out, carrying a similarly red-haired baby. She stared at them in alarm.

"Hi," Andromeda waved. "We're here for lunch. You're not one of Molly's, are you?"

The girl shook her head, then sprinted off round the side of the house with the baby. She did not return.

"Odd," mused Andromeda. "I thought it was Charlie in a dress for a moment."

"Was that baby Molly's?" asked Ted.

"I don't know. Probably."

"Right."

As Lily listened to their exchange mingled with the sounds of what could be a schoolboy fight inside, fear grew. She wanted James. She might've found the whole thing amusing if James was with her.

They marched bravely to the house and stepped over the threshold. As soon as they did, two identical little boys with the same bright red hair as the older girl and the baby.

"Ah, these are definitely Molly's kids," Andromeda grinned proudly. "Fred and George."

The two boys grinned. They were not much taller than Harry.

"So..." Lily began, smiling awkwardly down at the twins. "Which one of you is Fred?"

"ME!" they said in unison. Before Lily could question them, they dived between the adults' legs and ran outside.

"Er- Molly?" Andromeda called, stepping further into the house. "Your twins just escaped."

Lily took a tentative step into the kitchen and admired it. It was a complete mess, of course, what with the hundreds of children running around, but the house itself was everything Lily wanted in a home: cosy, mismatched and fun, bursting with magic and odds and ends. Business and chaos might have set Petunia's teeth on edge, but Lily loved nothing more than big families.

Standing at the sink, a plump red-haired woman spun round, a jug of pumpkin juice in her hands. As soon as she saw them, she dumped the jug back on the side and wrung her hands with her apron.

"Ever so glad you could make it-"

"MUMMY!" wailed a voice from upstairs. "CHARLIE'S GIVEN THE CAT WINGS!"

The red-haired woman cringed with dread. "Just a minute!" she called back weakly. She turned her attention back to her guests. "Sorry about this. It's been a long day." She approached the group with open arms, embracing Andromeda first. "Wonderful to see you, Andromeda," she kissed her on the cheek hastily and hugged Ted. Whilst she did, Lily paid little attention. James was sit ting at the dining table beside Sirius, looking solemn. Harry was sat on Sirius lap. Lily was relieved about that, at least. She was glad to see Sirius clutching Harry for dear life, for fear of letting him get into the clutches of the children running around. Sirius smiled at her in greeting. So did James. A small smile. "ARTHUR! TED'S HERE!" she screeched to the rest of the house.

"MUMMY!" the wailing voice from upstairs called again. "THE CAT JUST FLEW UNTO AUNTIE MURIEL!"

The red-haired woman rolled her eyes. "One minute, Percy, I'm busy at the minute!"

Andromeda gestured to the woman. "This is Molly Weasley, Lily. Arthur's wife. Molly, this is Lily Potter," said Andromeda.

"Yes, I know. I recognise her," the woman smiled at her. Lily could detect sadness in her smile. It didn't surprise her. Fabian and Gideon had been her only brothers. They'd been so brilliant at keeping up morale in the darkest days of the war that the world has seemed very quiet without them. Their absence was tangible.

Nevertheless, Mrs Weasley greeted her graciously. "Lovely to meet you, dear. Terribly sorry about all the mess. Arthur thought it was a good idea to invite both his brothers' families up for the day."

"MUMMY! AUNTIE MURIEL'S FACE IS BLEEDING!"

"Auntie Molly?" asked a timid voice from behind Lily. Lily peered behind her. The same girl as before was back, and stood behind the adults looking as innocent as an angel. Only now, there was no baby in her arms.

"Hang on, dear," said Mrs Weasley. "Let me just say hello to our guests first..." Mrs Weasley turned back to Lily. "Have a seat, poppet, lunch is almost ready."

"Auntie Molly?" the young girl tried again.

Mrs Weasley sighed. "Yes, Trudy, darling?"

"Bill's lost Ginny. He can't find her."

"WHAT?!" Mrs Weasley shrieked, barging through Lily and Andromeda. She disappeared into another room, shouting at someone they could not see. "BILL WEASLEY, WHAT PART OF 'LOOK AFTER GINNY' DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND?!"

Mrs Weasley disappeared to some far corner of the house to berate the child, though Lily suspected 'Ginny's' disappearance was more to do with the young girl they'd seen running outside with a baby.

Lily, Andromeda and Ted were left alone with James, Sirius and Harry. Ted promptly sad down beside Sirius to chat, while Andromeda edged round the table to inspect something in the corner of the room. That left Lily and James.

"Hi," James said so quietly that she'd almost missed it.

"Hello," she replied just as quiet. She toyed with the backs of one of the mismatched dining chairs.

James glanced up at her for a brief second. "Bit mad here, isn't it?"

Lily laughed faintly. "That's putting it mildly."

James smiled. Then, he glanced around the kitchen to check who was watching. The others were undoubtedly listening.

"You alright?" he asked lowly.

Was she? She didn't know. Lily managed a smile and shrugged. Her response didn't seem to please James.

At that moment, another red-head entered the room. This man was tall and gangly, with thin wispy hair and glasses. He seemed as quirky as the house itself, dressed in a holey cardigan and green corduroys. He was beaming happily at the small gathering in the kitchen. "Merry Christmas, folks! Sorry I'm late, my aunt had cat claws stuck in her forehead."

Sirius coughed into his hand. James kicked him and cleared his throat. "Nice to meet you, Sir," he said, standing up. "I'm James Potter, this is Harry and that's my wife, Lily."

As James spoke, Arthur's eyes grew wide until at last he laughed. "Goodness gracious me! The Potters in my house? This'll be one for the grandkids! Forgive me, I didn't know what you two looked like- not a huge fan of the Prophet at the moment, I'm afraid, so we're not clued up on the latest gossip! Oh, this is an honour! Please, you must call me Arthur! Arthur Weasley, that's me. Ho-ho!"

Ted leaned over the table to peer round Sirius and James at Mr Weasley. "Not reading the Prophet anymore, Arthur? How come?"

Mr Weasley sucked in a deep breath. "They've been a bit scathing about our department, Ted. Haven't you seen them? All these articles about Ministry budgeting and company time... it's all hogwash."

Andromeda, who was stood in the corner of the kitchen, whirled round with a big smile on her face. Lily had not noticed that the chair in the corner was occupied by a small boy that was perhaps a few months older than Harry, quietly munching on a raw carrot stick. "Lily is muggle-born, Arthur. Just like Ted. She grew up in... where was it, Lily?"

Arthur turned to stare at Lily as though she were glowing.

Lily felt her face grow warm. "Um- Cokeworth. In Surrey."

"My word... fascinating," Arthur fell into a seat beside James, his eyes still fixed on Lily. "And what do your parents do, Mrs Potter?"

James looked at Lily cautiously. She took a deep breath. "My mother was a piano teacher and-"

"That's a muggle instrument, Arthur," interjected Ted.

Arthur snorted. "I know what a piano is, thank you, Ted... please, Mrs Potter, continue."

"-and my father was a florist."

This time, Ted did not commentate. He sat with his arms folded, staring out the window.

Arthur blinked several times. "That's very interesting. How... how did he find that?"

Lily smiled. "A florist is someone who sells flowers, Mr Weasley. In a shop."

"Ah!" Arthur exclaimed, before going red and clearing his throat. "Er- yes, they, er- those are very- that's basic muggle culture, that, Ted. Very... muggles love a good florist, don't they, Mrs Potter? Flowers... can't be without them."

James grinned. "Nope. You can't."

oOo oOo oOo

Lily had expected blackened turkey and charcoal vegetables with the amount of running around after children that Mrs Weasley did, but Christmas lunch turned out to be delicious. The turkey was golden and glistening, the size of a baby elephant, with dishes of crispy roast potatoes, boats of gravy and bowls of steaming vegetables all over the enormous dining table. Just before Mrs Weasley started piling plates with food, her niece Trudy came in carrying the baby she'd been holding earlier, covered with straw and crying. She claimed to have found her in the chicken coop. As a result, Bill and some of his brothers, Charlie, Fred and George, as well as several of his cousins, had to take their plates and eat in exile in the lounge. As a prize for finding baby Ginny, Trudy was allowed to sit at the grown-ups' table. She was smug throughout the entire feast. Lily even contemplated standing up and declaring her a trickster.

When plates and cutlery were soaking in the sink, Lily helped Mrs Weasley to wipe the table and sweep the floor. One of Mr Weasley's brothers, Gulliver Weasley, was snoring so loudly at the table that the children in the lounge were giggling. By then, the sky was darkening.

"So, Mr Weasley," Lily began small-talk while they cleaned. "How did you come to know Andromeda?"

Mr Weasley was standing by the door, holding a sleeping baby boy against his chest, bouncing slightly. The poor toddler had eaten too many roast potatoes.

Instead of launching into a story, Mr Weasley glanced at Andromeda. Lily followed his gaze to her, and saw her shrug, as if to say go ahead.

Mr Weasley sighed and patted the little boy's back. "Andromeda came to our house for the Christmas holidays in our sixth year when she fell out with her parents; something that my mother knew all too well. Andromeda slept in my brother Billius's room while Billius moved in with me and Gulliver. It was odd having a girl in the house. But we seemed to get on well when my blasted brothers weren't insisting that we hide frogs in Andromeda's bed or charm her owl to grunt like a pig..."

Lily glanced to the snoring Gulliver Weasley and grinned.

"Then when we got back to Hogwarts in January, Andromeda started sitting with me and Ted at dinner, even though we weren't at the Slytherin table. Ah, the boys loved our Andromeda-"

"Ugh, Arthur, please..." Andromeda winced.

"They did!" Arthur insisted. "Having Dromeda in our midst bought us some credibility, I tell you. It's how I plucked up the courage to ask Molly to Hogsmeade with me for the Valentine's weekend."

"And a disastrous first date it was too!" Mrs Weasley interjected from the sink.

"Yes, well... those were the days though, eh, Dearest?"

"Hmm..."

Lily smiled. "You've been with Mrs Weasley since sixth year?"

"I was in fifth year," said Mrs Weasley quickly. "I'm younger than Arthur."

"Not that much younger, Dear."

The toddler on Mr Weasley's chest wriggled and groaned in his sleep.

"Shhh..." Mr Weasley rubbed his back some more, then smiled at James. "How old is your boy, James?"

Harry was also asleep, this time reclined against James' stomach. James looked down at him to see if he was still sleeping. "Nearly eighteen months," replied James.

"Goodness. July, was he?"

"That's right."

"Just a few months younger than our little Ron here," Arthur kissed his own sleeping toddler on the head. "Looks like they'll be in the same year at Hogwarts."

"Hogwarts..." said James faintly. "Wow."

Lily stared at Mr Weasley's son. She tried to imagine him ten years older than he was now, running up and down Hogwarts corridors with Harry, whom Lily pictured to be a blue-eyed James. Would they be in the same House? Would they be friends?

"Arthur..." Mrs Weasley whimpered. At the tone of her voice, Lily and everyone else whipped round to look at her. She was frozen, staring out of the kitchen window. "Arthur, there are people outside."

"It's probably Charlie and Bill," Mr Weasley sighed. "I'll deal with them."

"No," Mrs Weasley hissed, spinning round to glare at him. "One of them's the man from the cremation. The Auror with the funny eye."

Alastor Moody.

Sirius leapt to his feet. James stood too, and moved quickly round the table to give Harry to Lily.

"What are you doing?" Lily asked, taking Harry even though she'd put him down in a second. "I'm coming with you."

"Stay here, Lily," James told her seriously.

"No, James-"

"Stay with Harry."

Harry would always be Lily's Kryptonite. Powerless, yet her feet were rooted to the ground, determined to shield Harry from whatever was going on. She dreaded to think why Moody was here.

"James..." she spoke involuntarily. He and Sirius looked back. "Don't go anywhere with him."

"I'm coming back, Lily," James promised. "It's only Mad-Eye."

oOo oOo oOo

It must be about the Auror job, James thought to himself as he stepped outside behind Sirius. Maybe Bagnold said something. Maybe Isabelle said something... or was it Lily? Or Dumbledore?

Alastor Moody's silhouette stood outside the perimeters of the pigpen fence, completely motionless, as did the silhouette of the second figure, whom James vaguely recognised from the countless nights his house had been patrolled by Aurors.

"Mad-Eye doesn't look happy..." murmured Sirius.

"He never does," James pointed out.

The mud they walked on was rock-hard from the cold. There was no snow here, just icy wind. James and Sirius were shivering.

The closer they got to the edge of the pen, the more details emerged of Mad-Eye's face. Every scar and wrinkle was visible, the gruff downward curve of his mouth... he saw the second Auror too, the woman, who wore a long green leather coat. She'd been one of the Aurors to capture Mulciber in April. James was trembling with something else that wasn't the cold. It was as though Mad-Eye had stolen James' memories of the war. Every announced death of their friends came flooding back, as though Mad-Eye's business here tonight was to return them.

"Evening, Alastor," Sirius greeted him as they got close. "Good Christmas, was it?"

"Sorry to break up the party," Mad-Eye growled rather insincerely. "But I have urgent business to speak to you about. Both of you." He glanced at Sirius. "Where's Lupin?"

"Dunno," said Sirius, standing taller. "What's it to you?"

Mad-Eye snarled like a bull-dog. "I hope you haven't forgotten the ways of the Order, Black. We do not keep secrets."

James looked down at the floor.

"He's with his father," Sirius surrendered.

Mad-Eye looked sideways at the other Auror. As though they were communicating telepathically, the other Auror nodded.

"Wizengamot?" she asked Mad-Eye. Her voice was husky.

"Not yet," replied Mad-Eye, looking up at the sky. "Just stay with him."

At his words, James and Sirius shot each other panicked looks. Stay with him. Why would Remus need protection?

The Auror nodded again and disapparated on the spot.

"Tell me what's happened," James demanded. "What's going on?"

"Is your wife in there?" Mad-Eye asked gruffly, looking up and down at the house. "Ah, there..." he beckoned someone behind them. James and Sirius whipped round and saw Lily, Mr and Mrs Weasley and Ted Tonks running out towards them. "Here she comes."

James turned sharply back to Mad-Eye. "What do you want with Lily? What's going on?"

"I need to speak to Molly, too..."

"Alastor," James growled once Lily and Molly were stood still, listening to their conversation with worried expressions. "Why are you here?"

Alastor Moody was angry, but not fuming. Something was bothering him. He looked at James squarely in the face, his eyes boring in to his in a way that chilled James to the bone. "We've got Lestrange."

The cold night air picked up and swirled around them.

"What?" whispered Sirius.

"Rodolphus. Avery, too, but he's dog-muck. Rodolphus is the shiny new toy now."

"What about Bellatrix?" demanded James. "Where is she, is she coming here?" His hand twitched towards Lily. "Is that why your Auror's gone to Remus?"

"Remus?" Lily squeaked. "Is he alright?"

"He's fine," Mad-Eye snapped. "The Lestrange woman's feral now, she's a loon. She won't come near you. Even if she does, she can't do anything..."

"Where is she?" asked Ted from behind them. James' mind went straight to Andromeda, who he knew to be indoors with Harry and baby Ron. It hadn't occurred to him that Bellatrix Lestrange might come for Andromeda. She was sick enough in the head to think of it after all these years. It was strange. James had entirely forgotten that the two women were related.

"Cumbria, heading North," answered Mad-Eye. "We think she's going after Dumbledore."

"Dumbledore?" Mr Weasley echoed, sounding worried. "Well, in that case, you have to send every Auror you have up to Hogwarts. There are children up there."

"We've dispatched our best, Mr Weasley, but you needn't worry about Albus Dumbledore. He and Bellatrix had an understanding when she was his pupil. If anything, she'll just want to talk."

"This is insane," interjected Sirius. "Bellatrix Lestrange is heading for Hogwarts and you're not at all worried?"

"I said we think she might be, Black, don't jump to conclusions. The truth is that when we found her, she was mad."

"She already bloody was..." growled Sirius.

"No, this was different," Mad-Eye sneered then. "She's lost her mind. She's lost control. She's hysterical."

James smirked darkly too. Serves her right...

"But..." began Lily. "Couldn't this have waited? It's Christmas Day. If Bellatrix is heading North, what's the emergency?"

Mad-Eye's expression darkened again. "Rodolphus wants to talk..." he turned to James. "To you."

"Us?" asked James. "What for?"

"Not all of you. Just you, Potter."

The whole assembly seemed to gulp in fear.

"Why?" James demanded.

"We don't know," said Mad-Eye grimly. "But we know he's willing to give you information that he won't give to us. We need you to come with us."

"No."

James hadn't spoken. A woman had, but it wasn't Lily. James and Sirius looked back at their friends. Mrs Weasley had stepped forward and was seething.

"Molly-" Mr Weasley stepped towards her.

"No," Mrs Weasley repeated sharply. "James will not be going with you."

James glanced to Lily and to Sirius, who were both clueless as to what to do. At this point, James was more scared of Mrs Weasley than he was of the Lestranges.

"Mrs Weasley, if Rodolphus helps to-"

"I said no, James. You will not be going with Mr Moody and that is final."

James looked back at Mad-Eye, who surprisingly did not look angry. He looked as though he understood Mrs Weasley on a level that James did not.

"Mrs Weasley?" Sirius prompted.

Mrs Weasley took a deep breath. "It is Christmas Day. That might just mean another ordinary day to you Aurors but for people like us, who've lost loved ones this year, it's a time to appreciate those people we have left with us. No life sentence in Azkaban can bring someone back from the dead."

James caught Lily's gaze. Her eyes were watery, as were his and everyone else's around them. James then turned back to Mad-Eye.

"Sorry, mate," he said confidently to Mad-Eye. "Looks like I'm not going anywhere."

"Wrong, James," said Mrs Weasley firmly.

Everyone stared at her in confusion.

Mrs Weasley looked round at her guests. "Get your coats, all of you," she ordered. "We have more important places to go."

oOo oOo oOo

Lily had assumed that Mrs Weasley was taking them to the graves, but she was wrong.

The dreariness of the Spell Damage floor of St Mungo's hospital could not be disguised by any number of floating candles, strings of ivy or tinsel. The floor was busy with families of the residents coming and going and following their relatives around the ward. The pathetically stringy Christmas tree in the centre of the floor acted as a maypole for a small group of children in night-dresses. Lily was sure they were patients. She wondered how long they had been there, and why there were there.

Mrs Weasley led the group which consisted of her husband, Sirius, James and Lily. The children of each couple were left with Andromeda and Ted at The Burrow. Mrs Weasley and Lily would explain to their sons about the tragedies faced on this ward one day, in many years time.

She saw an absent, dulled impostor animating Alice's body.

She recognised her instantly, but she looked so different. So un-Alice was her hospital gown and hair clawed back into a practical ponytail by a healer that it made Lily sick.

In the background, Mrs Weasley and the others had a tearful reunion with Frank's mother. Lily had never met Augusta Longbottom, but she couldn't tear herself away from Alice to talk to her. Lily, James and Sirius watched Alice in shock.

The way she sat made her look like she did in first year. She'd often sat that way, with her head bowed, her hands tucked under her thighs and her legs dangling over the side of the bed, back at Hogwarts in the dormitory she'd shared with Lily. Yet she now rocked slightly, a little too quickly for it to be a casual fidget. Such a simple rhythm was different enough to make the group nervous.

Sat beside her was a baby. Baby Neville. Neville, the boy Alice had stayed awake for sixty hours for once because of a cold, was sat inches away from her and she paid him no attention.

It took all of Lily's strength not to run over to them, to pick up Neville and take him home or to grab Alice by the shoulders and shake her, shout at her, hug her so tightly that she'd force old memories back into her friend and she'd recognise her own son again.

But Lily stayed put while Frank walked into the picture.

Frank had always been skinny. He was sickly now. Too pale, too thin, too blank. He was pacing up and down the ward, mumbling to himself. Lily could not hear what he was saying but she didn't want to.

Frank and James once had a conversation that lasted an entire night. It was the night their sons were three days old. Lily doubted anyone else would ever know what they'd talked about.

Mrs Longbottom was sobbing as she explained her son and daughter-in-law's medical situation to Mr and Mrs Weasley.

Neville crawled across the bed, closer to Alice, and patted her thigh. When Alice did not respond, he looked up at her face. When she did not look at him, the confused baby began to cry.

Lily turned and ran for the door.

"Lily?" called a voice behind her.

She barged through the doors and made an inhuman noise as she sunk to the floor in the stairwell.

Would Frank's mother let Lily take Neville home with her? Probably not. Would Lily ever be able to explain to Alice's son just how much his parents had adored him? Undoubtedly. She would walk through fire to have that conversation with him. Would she be able to visit Alice as often as she had once meant to? No. No, it would kill her. But it would kill her to sit at home safely with her healthy husband and son, too.

The double doors opened again behind her.

"Lily..." James called softly. Lily blinked her tears away and looked up at him. "I'm sorry."

Lily got to her feet and collapsed into his chest immediately, sobbing loudly as his arms squeezed her tightly. He was so warm. His arms were strong and held her tightly. Everything Lily felt, Alice could no longer appreciate. Frank would never wrap Alice in his arms like he used to. He and Alice would never cuddle Neville. They would never talk to him.

"It's not fair," Lily cried. "Of all people, why Alice? She was the only truly perfect person on the planet."

"I know..." James soothed.

"Did you see Neville?"

Lily felt James' chest constrict. "Yeah."

"All he wanted was for Alice to cuddle him. That's all he wanted. He should just get that. It's not fair."

James opened his mouth to respond, but instead decided against words. He buried his face in her shoulder.

"I want Alice back," Lily whispered. "I want to tell her how lovely she is. She never knew how lovely she was."

"Yeah she did," James croaked. "Frank would've told her."

Nobody questioned the two of them as they stood crying loudly together in the stairwell. Their petty little fight earlier was nothing. They'd work it out. There were bigger problems in the world. There were greater losses and worthier causes to fight for.

"I'm going to put an end to this," said James after a while. "I'm going to be an Auror. This isn't going to happen to any other family."

Lily nodded. "I don't know if I can get over this, James."

James rubbed her back and kissed her head. "We can't get over it. All we can do is try to move on. Properly."

At his words, Lily pulled away. They stared into each other's bloodshot eyes, seeing the pain of a lifetime's worth of heartbreak reflected in them, clear as day, ready to be fixed carefully over time.

"Let's move on then," Lily proposed. "Properly."

oOo oOo oOo

1981 was over.

The worst year in existence was behind them. It would always be known as such. A worse year would never come. Some tragedies could hit them, and they'd get through them. Anything worse would never happen. They just weren't going to let it.

They sailed through January and were heading towards Lily's 22nd birthday on calm waters, which was surprising, given that they still had not been into the Ministry to talk to Rodolphus. They hadn't seen Alice and Frank since then, but they'd written to Augusta Longbottom. Augusta and Lily were due to take the boys to the park after her birthday.

James' Auror application had been sent three weeks ago. There was no reply. Lily had told James to remember Alice's application to the Auror office. It had taken her five weeks to get a reply. It had taken Frank four months. James was not worried.

On the morning of the 27th January 1982, James and Lily were lying on their bed, watching the melting frost drip of the bare branches of the tree outside their window as the wintry sunrise grew lighter with each passing minute. It was a slow process.

Lily lay on her back. James lay on his front, sideways on the bed, placing gentle kisses on her stomach.

"Do you think it's a boy or a girl?" asked Lily into the quietness of the room.

"A ginger," replied James softly. "I don't care what it is, boy or girl, Gryffindor or Slytherin, as long as it's ginger."

Lily smiled. "You said that the first time round. I don't see you complaining about what we got."

James leant up to gaze at Harry, who was fast asleep at the foot of the bed after he'd spent the early hours of the morning play-fighting with his father.

"Nah," James grinned. "He's alright."

oOo oOo oOo oOo oOo

A/N: Merry Christmas.

N x