Auror. Writer. House. Baby.
Lily lay on the floor, repeating those words to herself in her head. She'd cast a fire in the fire drum to keep them warm, to stop them shivering. But the heat was sweltering for a pregnant girl. She lay on the floor, where a cold draught cooled her from under the door.
Auror. Writer. House. Baby.
Soon, James would complete his training. The process usually took years, but Lily was sure James would excel at everything and be fast-tracked through to his dream job. He would be measured for his robes and receive his certificate and Lily would beam and applaud in the front row at the ceremony. James would have adventures and every month, his efforts would be rewarded with gold. Gold that would be deposited by goblins into the bank vault that was already full of the galleons that appeared there when James' father died. Maybe James would actually want to spend the money he earned. No matter what happened, the world would know James to be a hero in his own right.
Auror. Writer. House. Baby.
Writer's block never lasts forever. Soon, Lily would be struck with an idea so epiphytic that she'll dust off the beautiful blue typewriter that James had bought her, and the machine would smoke and groan against the speed and ferocity with which she poured out her mind onto parchment. Lily could picture the window of Flourish & Blotts; its display stocked with dozens of uniform copies of Lily's debut bestseller. Owls would arrive daily, begging her for a signing. And every few years or so, she'd release something new. She'd get to know a community of fans and other writers and it would become a separate world for her. James would have his adventures protecting the wizarding world, and Lily's adventures would be fantasy-fulfilling moments of belonging and appreciation in a world accepting of what she loved to do.
Auror. Writer. House. Baby.
Bellatrix would not last long out there, if she was as mad as they were saying she was now. She'd be caught soon, and Lily and James would be free to stake their claim on a permanent home for them to wear in, make their own and fill with memories. One of Lily's most cherished memories was trawling charity shops with her mother and sister when they moved to London, salvaging lampshades and vases and cushions that were thrown away and marked cheap. Lily would do the same for her family, with a bit more flare. The house would be a country mansion, as sprawling and bright as James' childhood home but with the cosiness and camaraderie of the Gryffindor common room. Their life would be domestic and picturesque. Weekdays would be delightfully hectic, then turn woefully quiet as each child disappeared to Hogwarts. Saturdays would be fun-packed. James would wake up the children and treat them to a Quidditch game or a trip to the cinema while Lily slept in or worked on her latest book. By the time they'd get home, Lily would be baking scones for them to take to a picnic at the sea side. They would eat and build sandcastles and buy ice creams and splash in the cold sea and return home, sand-caked and exhausted, ready for a Sunday full of coffee, reading, roast dinners and wine in the garden.
Auror. Writer. House. Baby.
Oh, the baby. James already had the doppelganger son he'd always wanted. Now, maybe it was Lily's turn to meet the child she'd always imagined herself having: a girl, with red hair softer and less alarming than Lily's, with more courage and confidence than Lily had possessed as a child. Perhaps she would name her after her own mother, Beth, or James' mother, Dorea, or perhaps they'd see their new daughter and decide that names of the dead were too painful to speak so often, and would pluck a new, sweet name out of the blue, like Lucy or Nancy. Whoever she was, she would be Harry's best friend. Lily was sure of that. He would protect her and she would idolise him. Years would pass and their relationship would remain tight-knit, but not so dense that they could not absorb another sibling or two into their pack. Boys, perhaps. Twin boys would be nice, like Molly Weasley and her wild brood. Twins ran in Lily's family. Her father's twin sister, Violet, had been the only fatality in the only bomb attack on their quaint little village in Worcestershire. Their younger brothers, also twins, never came back from the war. Lily's father was the only one of her grandmother's four children who was alive to celebrate V-day. Lily herself had been a twin for a time, but sadly her brother had entered and left the world without a breath. Twins were synonymous with tragedy in the Evans family, and this inspired an irrational sense of determination in Lily to have twins herself, and to see them outlive her. Lily wanted many children. She had never been the maternal type, but James and Harry had changed that. She and James had spoken at length about the subject, and both agreed that a big families were wonderful. Chaos was nice if you relaxed. Careers might dwindle, but James and Lily would both have the family they never had growing up. They would be the parents that their parents never were. Lily would be a happy mother, and James would love his children.
But Lily had been through all this before. Pipe-dreams and self-promises. It was once in her plans to travel across Europe with Marlene, Dorcas and Alice. She was going to rent a flat in London with Petunia. She was going to buy a retirement bungalow for her mother in West Sussex. All of Lily's plans fell through. Why should she make any more?
There was a knock at the door.
"Missus Potter? Montague's arrived. He's got ye cat and ye owl and some other stuff."
Lily pushed herself up off the floor slowly. She brushed the dust from the floor out of her hair and off her back before grabbing her wand and opening the door.
Mavis stood there with a suitcase by her side, holding Lily's cat Tuppy.
"This wee floppy string-puppet was in ye house. We're assumin' he's yer friend."
Poor Tuppy looked like he would have happily lept in front of a speeding train if it meant he was spared any more of life's traumas.
"Yes, he's mine. Thank God," Lily took the trembling cat from Mavis and stroked him calm.
"Montague brought an owl too, but he's off circling around. Angry lad, size of an ostrich..."
"Yes, that's mine too. Sorry about him."
Mavis peered across Lily into the room. "How are ye boys?"
Thankfully, Harry had fallen asleep, and was a peaceful picture compared to the man lying next to him, who was shivering violently and sweating through his clothes.
"I don't know what's wrong with him... this isn't a cold."
"Ah, it'll be the mould spores," said Mavis, as though they were the most mundane things in the world. "I'm off-duty now, anyhow. I can pop tae the shops for ye..."
"No," Lily said quickly. "That's alright. They'll be fine."
Mavis looked doubtfully at James. "Ye sure?"
"Yep. Thank Montague for me, for our stuff."
"Will do. Adieu."
When Mavis left, Lily placed Tuppy on the foot of the bed and sat down beside him, watching James and Harry. James' hair was wet from sweat and sticking to his forehead. His clothes were sodden with sweat. Lily leaned forward and felt his forehead. Hot. She rested her hand on top of his, which was shuddering against his chest. Cold.
As she pulled her hand away from his, she felt the rough, old fabric of the blankets. To her shock, they were still damp, despite a roasting fire sitting mere inches away from the bed. She felt around the rest of the blankets. They were damp and stale. Perhaps she'd been too tired to notice before.
She stood up and gently scooped up Harry. Cradling him in one arm, she used her free hand to unlock the suitcase Mavis had brought her and emptied the contents of it onto the floor. Clothes, shoes and stuffed animals spilled out across the attic. Mercifully Harry was too fatigued to be woken as the heavier things fell. She placed the suitcase down on the floor and began to re-fill it with clothes. Soft pieces, like her jumpers and James' t-shirts and one of the dresses she'd bought from the Easter market. She filled the suitcase until it was plush with soft, dry clothes, then laid her sleeping baby into it to sleep.
She stood up and nudged the fire drum closer towards James. Lily knew little of sickness but she was sure that sweating while cold was not a healthy sign. She gathered some more clothes. Thicker ones this time, like hers and James' coats, cloaks and dressing gowns, then quickly pulled the blankets off the bed. James clutched his arms to his body for the split second he was exposed before Lily laid the heavy materials onto him, encasing him in a thicker, warmer, dryer layer than the blankets.
She hoped that would help. She would cast a hot air charm if she dared, but James had refused before the chills came full force.
She stood uselessly in the middle of the room and looked around.
My son is sleeping in a suitcase.
She leaned against the broken oven and took deep breaths, while forcing herself to think of what she and James had talked of the previous night, and many other nights before that. Taking things into one's own hands. Building a life, not just accepting it.
The only ideas Lily had would get them into trouble and/or killed, but she was used to that feeling and they were running out of options. Her coat that lay across James had a pocket which contained a receipt for the breakfast they'd had earlier. The pocket was now placed awkwardly across James' groin. Lily slid her hand into the pocket, ignoring her feelings of guilt as she did so, and retrieved the receipt. She un-scrunched the crumpled-up piece of paper to write her message.
Ah. No ink. No quill, either.
Lily sighed in exasperation and stared at the receipt as though the answer to her problems would appear on the paper. She needed a quill.
A feather.
She made a start towards the window, but stopped. It was raining outside, and she would let in the cold. She cast an apologetic glance at James, then at Harry, before grabbing her wand and rushing out of the attic room.
When she was out in the hall, she deeply inhaled the cold air and sighed with relief. The heat from the fire drum was stifling. It seemed quieter out here, though there was hardly any noise in the attic. She hurriedly walked over to the only window frame that wasn't boarded up and leaned out into the rain.
"Cadwal?" she called.
Down below, someone was stood by the gates, holding an umbrella. Lily assumed it was Montague, and her thoughts were confirmed when he looked up at her in confusion.
She stepped back into the hall. Seconds later, her enormous pet owl swooped in through the window and landed on her outstretched arm.
"I need a favour," she told him. "I also need a feather."
oOo oOo oOo oOo oOo
All she could do now was wait.
She felt helpless. She was helpless. Harry was awake now, and crying loudly. A coughing fit had woken him up, and his stomach was growling. As difficult and uncomfortable as it was to cradle a toddler whilst possessing a baby bump, it was far better than watching him sleep in a suitcase. Pipe dreams and self-promises seldom came true, but one promise that Lily vowed she'd keep was that her family would never sink so low.
Using a feather to write had not been as easy as Lily had imagined. Feathers were not quills. She had more success with the ink. The Ink spell was something she and Marlene had invented at Hogwarts to avoid paying the extortionate prices for new ink bottles. Once Lily had cast this spell into one of the rain buckets on the floor, she was able to scratch a half-eligible message into the receipt.
They're hunting deer. Let Cadwal lead.
That was cryptic enough for interceptors to be baffled.
She had given the owl directions, and he had not yet returned. So, she sat on the floor of the attic, cradling her crying son and watching her husband shiver.
Auror. Writer. House. Baby.
Her own stomach growled.
Outside, men were shouting.
Lily dismissed them as drunk muggles, but as it continued, the shouting sounded like an argument. The men were close to the workhouse.
Lily got to her feet and with Harry rushed out of the attic and down the stairs, all the way out into the courtyard.
Montague was there, blocking the way of the man trying to get past him.
"It's alright!" Lily called, halting in the doorway. "I asked him to come!"
Montague turned and glared at her. "Are you serious? I'm not letting him in."
"He's our friend! I trust him!"
"You cannot invite people to a secret location! It goes against the whole point of why we brought you here! I'll have to tell the Auror Office!"
"Good! Tell them the disgusting state of their secret location has caused a man and a baby to get sick!"
Lily hadn't planned on being mean. Montague and the Aurors had risked a lot to help them. But she was at the end of her tether, and her family were alarmingly sick.
Montague turned to Lily's guest. "If you're an imposter, the protective charms over this building will fry you like an egg as soon as you step inside."
"Charming," replied Remus, walking around him. "Nice meeting you, Monty."
The familiar face of Remus Lupin almost brought tears to Lily's eyes. For the past twenty four hours, she had felt as though she had landed on a new planet. The attic felt like prison. Remus' arrival felt like freedom.
"I got your note," said Remus as Lily lead him up the stairs towards the attic. "I followed Cadwal here. I flew as quickly as I could. What the hell's going on? Is James alright?"
"No. He's sick."
"Okay... where are we? Who is that man out there?"
"He's an Auror, he's guarding us. Did you read the news about Bellatrix Lestrange? She's looking for us. She's been torturing people to find out where we are."
"...bloody hell."
Remus was struggling to hold Harry, who was turning red from screaming. Lily took him back off Remus, and carried him hastily towards the attic. He would be warmer there.
"The Aurors hid us in here," Lily explained as she opened the door to their attic room. "It's a safe house. Apparently. But it's such a shit-hole that James and Harry have got fevers and chills and... I'm losing it, Remus."
Remus was looking round the attic in horror. His gaze landed on James, who was still shivering.
"Bloody hell..." he said again. "Where's Padfoot?"
"I only had one bit of paper, I chose you. You seemed to know what you were doing when Alice got sick, and I need you to help me..."
"Alright, alright... um... do you have any Pepperup Potion?"
"Remus, I don't even have food."
"Okay... we should take him to St Mungos."
"He can't apparate, he can't fly..."
"Shit. Er... are you allowed to leave here?"
"I don't care what we're allowed to do, we'd have left by now if James wasn't so weak."
Remus ran his hand through his hair and looked around. "Right. He's too weak to do anything, Harry's screaming and you're pregnant. What does that leave us with?"
"You," Lily replied. "You can get us some Pepperup!"
Remus nodded, thinking. "I could..." he said slowly. "But I feel bad leaving you here."
"There's not much else we can do. Just get the Pepperup, we'll wait 'til they get better, then we'll leave."
oOo oOo oOo oOo oOo
The plan was simple. It was barely even a plan, just common sense. Lily's panic dissipated, but she was left with her base misery.
Remus was barely gone for a minute, but it felt like an hour that she was sitting virtually alone, contemplating life and all its gifts and curses.
Harry gave up screaming. He whimpered, snuggling his mother with a sad acceptance that his hunger was never going to be satiated. It broke Lily's heart.
Remus brought a bag of scones along with the Pepperup. Administering the potion was a tricky process. Harry would not take his, so Lily soaked part of a scone in the potion for him to eat. James could not sit up to take his. Remus had to tip the bottle into James' mouth, and a slight shiver from James knocked the bottle and potion poured all over his face, causing him to cough and splutter even more. To Lily's relief, however, minutes passed and James' shivering began to subside.
Remus and Lily sat on the floor, Lily leaning against the rusty oven and Remus against the bed frame, cradling Harry while Lily ate one of the scones. The room seemed even quieter now, almost peaceful. But the now-obvious presence of filth and germs and rot made Lily squirm. She kept looking at James, watching for signs of life, hoping he'd jump up and declare that he was fit to leave.
"You must be tired, Remus," said Lily. Remus looked up from Harry to her. "You should go home and sleep. You can come back in the morning if he's still bad."
"Don't be silly. I'll stay with you."
Lily didn't want him to leave anyway. "Thanks."
Remus looked around the room, wincing as his gaze met with each patch of damp or mould. "It smells like death in here. I can't believe this is a safe house."
"I think that's the point. It's a 'safe' house. Not a 'luxury' house."
"It's hardly safe," Remus pointed his thumb behind him at James. "Someone should renovate this building and make an empire of it. I bet there are loads of people still in hiding from Death Eaters. They need a sanctuary."
Lily smiled sadly. "I think sometimes wizards and witches think that magic makes people untouchable. That's what started the war in the first place..."
"...but the opposite is true," Remus concluded for her.
Lily reached for another scone. She was too hungry and tired to care if Remus thought she was a pig. They were good.
"Did you make these yourself?"
"I did indeed."
"Wow. You're good."
Scones were just one of the reasons Lily was determined to live in the countryside. Her mother had baked a batch for James, who had never had one before. He, too, was obsessed with the things. She saved him a scone from Remus' batch. He would be delighted to discover how talented and resourceful his friend was.
Lily fished out a scone from the bag and passed it to Remus. "Thank you so much for your help," she said earnestly. "I was really panicking."
Remus shrugged. "You'd do the same for me."
"I would, but I don't have your medical knowledge."
Remus chuckled quietly. "What makes you think I have medical knowledge?"
This seemed an odd thing for Remus to ask. Had he forgotten?
"I told you. When Alice got sick. Remember? She had Neville and she got that infection? You were in there like a shot!"
Remus' humoured expression left him at the mention of Alice. He cleared his throat. "I don't recall."
"You don't recall?" Lily grinned at his pompous phrasing.
Remus did not seem in the mood for joviality all of a sudden. "No. I don't recall."
Lily leaned back, slightly affronted by his tone. "Well, let me remind you. Alice got a blood infection after Neville was born and you knew exactly which potions would cure her, you knew how to look after her, you knew-"
"Yep, I remember now. Thanks Lily." He chewed on his lip and kept his head down.
She studied him curiously. "Remus?"
"Mmm?"
"Were you in love with Alice?"
Remus looked up suddenly, eyed wide in horror. "No! God no!"
She believed him. She tried to think back to the day they had all been at Frank and Alice's house, everyone stepping on each other, rushing around, whispering, trying anything to stop Alice groaning and sweating. Once Remus had arrived, all seemed to calm. Lily, James and Sirius had taken a back seat while he spoon-fed gloopy potions to her and helped the frantic Frank boil more concoctions for her in their cauldron and brew tea and soup...
"It was Frank..." Lily realised out loud.
Remus did not look at her.
"Remus, were you in love with Frank?"
"Can we not do this now?"
He was angry. When Lily thought about it, why wouldn't he be? She could picture James, who she'd loved for some years now, sitting in St Mungo's Spell Damage ward, rocking backwards and forwards, pale and empty.
"Remus, I'm so sorry..."
He rolled his eyes. "Don't be. It was just a crush, alright? I've never been in love."
Silence fell between them. Lily conjured up memories of Gryffindor parties or Order meetings, when Remus and Frank would have been in the same room, and tried to identify any telling signs of Remus' feelings. She could not think of any. She hadn't known to look for them. He must have been good at hiding them. Remus was good at hiding secrets.
"So... Mildred Stubbs in second year? That was..."
"Oh, that was true love. We were going to wed."
Lily laughed. Remus smiled too, glad of the lightening of mood.
"I believe I'm bisexual," he said. "Although I've had very few opportunities to actually test that theory."
"I believe you," Lily smiled. As she spoke, James stirred. He rolled over onto his side, his back towards them.
"Does... does James know?" Lily whispered.
Remus nodded. "He's known for years."
She stared at James' back, as though the new knowledge of his mind would make him look different, or discussion of something personal would rouse him from sleep.
"I'm sorry," said Remus. "It didn't occur to me that he wouldn't tell you... I'm glad he didn't though."
"It's your secret, not his," she said sincerely. Truly, she was happy to learn all of this from Remus. She smiled again, at the static nature of the dynamic between the three of them.
oOo oOo oOo oOo oOo oOo
Lily and Remus both fell asleep. The sound of the crackling fire echoing in the drum was hypnotically soothing. When Lily woke, Remus was slumped on the floor. Harry was sitting upright, startlingly alert and happily chatting away to his stuffed toy piglet. It was his new favourite, and he had christened him "Pig-Pig". Tuppy was asleep in the suitcase that Harry had vacated, covering all of Lily's clothes in white and brown fur. It occurred to Lily that the cat hadn't begged her for food yet, although the animal was already skin and bone so did not have much of an appetite anyway.
Harry was delighted that Lily was awake. He toddled up to her and encouraged her to talk to Pig-Pig. She entertained him for some time before James woke. Both Lily and Harry watched in amazement as he sat up, woozy and sleep-wrecked, announcing that he desperately needed the loo. As he climbed out of bed, he stepped on Remus, causing both of them to squeak and stare at each other in confusion. Harry laughed for ages at this.
Dismissing Mavis was difficult. In the end, it didn't happen. They bartered for ten minutes over the fact that they were refusing the Ministry's help, that they would survive on their own, that Mavis was free to return to her other duties, but she was resolute. She would protect them until Lestrange was caught. During the day, anyway.
After sending Cadwal off to the Ministry with a note (it made Lily nervous watching the owl fly away with it), they set off my broomstick. Remus lead James and Lily, who had Harry in a sling, towards his village in Somerset. Mavis flew right behind them the entire way, less off a disciple to protocol now that the rulebook had been thrown out.
Remus' house was a small terrage on the end of a row of cottages. He usually picked this type of house. Small, so that he wouldn't rattle around in it. Inconspicuous, so that nobody would think to look for him there. Near a forest or a national park, so that he could slink away in the full moon and not hurt anybody or be heard.
His village was nice. Inhabited mostly by elderly muggles, it existed on one stretch of road near the moors, on a single stretch of road that ran up a hill towards an old castle that was open for tours. Remus' house was one of ten cottages on the road. The rest of the buildings were similar, but decked out to be tea rooms, pubs, shops selling crafts and postcards and walking gear. The place was almost a ghost-town. Lily expected that was why Remus chose it.
James had been here before, to a pub with Remus and Sirius, but he was too exhausted from the journey to recognise it now. Remus helped him into the house and up the stairs, while Lily head the floating broomsticks through the back door and into the lounge, sliding their luggage of the poles. They had landed in Remus' back garden: a depressingly overgrown mess of dead shrubbery, weeds and long wet grass. They knew the muggles couldn't see anything, but they were young and too used to being too careful.
Remus' house was surprisingly cosy for a 21-year-old bachelor. While Remus helped James upstairs, Lily untied Harry from around her chest and put him down. She walked through the downstairs, turning on lights and exploring Remus' living space. His kitchen, like the rest of the house, was tiny. Ghastly mustard-and-olive wallpaper covered every inch of wall space throughout the living room and hallway, and the kitchen suffered brown plastic panelling and orange tiles. There were cupboard doors missing, springs broken in the sofa, books everywhere, piles of dirty bowls and plates and he'd left a cauldron on the dining table, surrounded by jars of ingredients and bits of paper with recipe notes. Despite all the clutter and poor design, Lily estimated that this was a perfect place for Remus to live. The dark warmth of the place reminded Lily of a grandparent's house: a place of peace.
Harry seemed fascinated by the ornaments that adorned the top of the disused fireplace. Porcelain owls of various breed and posture stood in a line. It made Lily smile.
She heard quick footsteps coming down the stairs.
"Lily?" called Remus, stepping in to the living room. "Uh, sorry about all the mess. I didn't stop to clean up."
"It's fine. You have a nice house."
Remus smiled shyly. "I've put James in the box room, so you and Harry can have the big spare room. Or you can have my room. Your choice."
"You have three bedrooms in your house?" She looked up at the ceiling, measuring to see if three bedrooms could possibly fit in this house.
Remus shrugged. "It's a three-bed cottage. It comes in handy, as you now know."
"I know. Thank you so much for this, Remus. I don't know what we would have done without you."
"Ah, you'd have survived. Listen, I have to be at work soon. Will you be alright on your own?"
"Yes," Lily smiled, happy to be allowed to wander around the house.
"I'll get changed then. Help yourself to food and stuff. There's more Pepperup in the cabinet." He pointed to the large unit behind the dining table, which made the whole place even more cramped. It was full of bottles and boxes and jars and packets.
"Will do," she replied. "Thanks again, Remus."
He smiled at her, then at Harry. "You're welcome."
oOo oOo oOo oOo oOo
If only they had been able to come to Remus' house earlier. In broad daylight, the place was quite beautiful, Lily thought, despite its flaws. She took Harry around to explore the rest of the small house, and found another hidden room. It was half a living room, half a storage room. More books in here, crammed haphazardly into dark wood shelves. More glass cabinets, containing more ornaments. Lily knew Remus had no obsessive collections, so assumed these all belonged to his mother or father. The cabinets were full of more porcelain owls, wizards from history, characters Lily recognised from wizarding children's books. Something about the room was lovely, but something else was morbid. It felt like a shrine. Lily took Harry's hand and left.
On her way up to visit James, she passed several photographs on the walls. There was a grainy black and white picture of a young couple waltzing on their wedding day. The same couple were pictured some years later, in a colour picture, sharing an ice cream on a beach in gaudy red-and-blue swimwear. In the room where James was resting, the tiny box room, one picture was hung up. A large framed one, hung on the wall, of the marauders. All four of them. They were young, possibly twelve or thirteen years old, standing around a messy kitchen table throwing flour at each other and laughing. Lily guessed that Remus didn't come in this room often. Or if he did, his feelings towards the war's events were rather ambiguous. James would have torn the picture down. The only picture they'd owned of the four marauders had been taken on the day of a Gryffindor quidditch victory. It was lost in the explosion at Godric's Hollow.
"Lily?"
She turned round. James was struggling to sit up. She sat down on the small bed beside him and stroked his hair.
"You're alright," she told him. "We're at Remus' house."
"I know," he said. "You got us here."
"Remus got us here, actually. He helped us out completely."
"Good lad, that one," said James, smiling weakly. "You're the amazing one, though."
Lily rolled her eyes. "Just get some rest and let me be your slave for a while. Do you want some tea? Food?"
He suddenly let go of her hand. "Go away. I'm dying. You'll get sick."
Lily chuckled. "You're not dying. We think you got some lergy from the mould spores."
He looked at her questioningly. "You're not sick..."
"Londoner's lungs," she explained. "I went to St Mungo's, by the way. The baby's fine."
James smiled. "What are we having?"
"A weirdo, apparently."
"Suits me. A ginger weirdo."
"The more you say that it's ginger, the more I want it to have black hair. Or maybe we'll get neither. Maybe we'll have a blonde kid. I'd quite like a blondie. If the kid's ginger, we'll look like a Battenberg cake."
oOo oOo oOo oOo oOo
James asked Lily to rest, but she remained on her feet. The new, happier environment woke her up. She found some more scones in the oven and some jam in the cupboard. She warmed up the scones and took a couple up to James with the jam and a glass of Pepperup. While Harry would have killed for another scone, Lily decided that it had been long enough since Harry had eaten anything nutritious, and so cut him up an apple and banana. Preparing food again gave her a thrill, even if it was just fruit and a scone. She couldn't wait to be able to cook properly again, get back into practicing. Whilst she serves Harry's fruit to him, she entertained herself with dreams of her future kitchen: huge and bright, with the whole family mucking in on dinner. But quickly, she forced herself to dismiss those thoughts.
Sirius arrived in the afternoon, after an owl from Remus about the situation with the Potters. His visit thrilled Lily to no end, partly because Sirius was able keep Harry happy and laughing for hours, and partly because the delicate, caring side of Sirius came out when he saw James' state. Lily liked this side of Sirius. He came without Isabelle, and her absence seemed to drag old Sirius forward, through his jokey wisecrack exterior and back to his concerned, paternal, prioritising ways that he'd donned in the war. His presence cheered James up too, to an extent that almost made Lily emotional. He was like a brother to James. He was the closest thing Harry would ever get to extended family. That reminded her...
"I'm going to write to James' family."
She and Sirius were sat in the garden, on a blanket they'd fished out of Remus' wardrobe and splayed out on the lawn. They drank mugs of tea while Sirius used his wand to make one of Remus' porcelain owls fly around the garden. Harry chased it, squealing with delight.
"James hasn't got any family," Sirius replied, his attention completely on Harry and his game.
"That's what James said at first. But he's come around to the idea of it."
"The idea of what?"
"Getting in touch with his relatives."
Sirius wrinkled his nose. "Like who?"
"His grandfather and great-uncle. They live together."
Sirius snorted. "Have you met those two?"
"No..."
" I have. They're both freaks."
Lily glanced at Harry nervously, in the rare chance that he overheard and understood. Nevertheless, he was pre-occupied with the porcelain owl.
"In what way?" Lily asked Sirius. "I thought the great-uncle was nice. He sent us some money on our wedding day. His letter was really kind."
"Oh, yeah, he's nice. As in he's friendly. Oh, he likes his practical jokes. Runs in the family, I guess. If he offers you something from the biscuit tin, don't take it."
Lily made a mental note.
"It's Cygnus that I didn't like."
"Cygnus?"
"James' grandfather. Grumpy bastard. Barely spoke a word whenever I was there. James says he's always been like that. He's a drunk, too.
Lily's eyes widened.
"Not the thundering-rage type of drunk. More the whisky-for-breakfast-then-passing-out-in-a-chair kind of drunk."
"Oh, that's alright."
"That's alright? You want this bloke to meet your son."
Lily shrugged. "I just want to see for myself where my kids come from."
As though he'd forgotten, Sirius glanced down at her stomach. "How's pregnancy going?"
Lily laughed.
"Is that a stupid question?" he asked.
"No, no... I'm just... ready to leave all this war shit behind and just get on with it."
Sirius nodded. "Yeah. I feel you."
Lily took a large gulp of tea, which was quickly getting cold. "How's your mysterious project going?"
Sirius gave her a smug grin and leant back on the blanket. "It's going perfectly. It's going to blow your mind."
Lily raised an eyebrow. "Really? It better. James is upset that you haven't told him what it is."
"Ah, he can cry all he wants. He'll appreciate the suspense when he sees what it is."
Lily pursed her lips. She didn't want to tell Sirius that James' hurt came more from the fact that Isabelle had overtaken him in Sirius' ranks. But she wanted him to know. She wanted to nudge him toward assuring James of his position. She wanted Sirius to understand that relationships didn't have to get in the way of friendships. That's what she'd learnt earlier from Remus, and that's what she wanted Sirius to see.
"How's Isabelle?" she asked casually.
"She's great," said Sirius. He smiled warmly as he spoke, in a way that made Lily apprehensive about the future.
"You two are quite serious, aren't you..."
"Yeah, I guess. We're in love."
Lily raised her eyebrows. "You're in love?"
"Oh yeah. Well, I am. She says she is, and I'm willing to believe her."
"Wow. Congratulations."
"Thanks. It feels nice. You never really notice your own happiness, do you. Not until you fall in love."
Looking at him, she believed that he was, indeed, in love. "I'm happy for you."
"She's so pretty. She's got a wicked smile. Her smile is the best thing about her. It's like... like her smile tells you everything there is to know about her, you know? And she's got great taste in music. Did she tell you she plays four instruments? Piano, guitar, cello and clarinet. I think I might buy her a piano for her birthday. She's really into creative things, like music and painting and stuff. Did you see the sketches in our flat? Those were all done by her..."
Lily found herself smiling. Despite her reservations about Isabelle, which she tried and failed to suppress, seeing Sirius wax lyrical about her made her want to hug her. It was a relief to see Sirius happy. She just hoped that Isabelle was the person to drag Sirius up from his past and keep him out of that pool of misery.
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It began to get dark. It was as though the sun kept Harry amused, because when it disappeared he started to grumble. He was annoyingly whiny when Sirius and Lily started washing the dishes, and it began to grate on Lily's nerves so much that she sent Sirius away to entertain Harry so that she could finish the job in peace. When she was done, she looked through Remus' cupboards for something to feed Harry. Unlike the rest of his house, Remus' kitchen was pretty much bare.
Sirius walked back in to the kitchen carrying Harry, who was chewing on Pig-Pig's ear.
"No food?" he guessed.
"No food," she confirmed. "Except for a few apples, two scones and some blue-ish cheese."
"Yum. I'll pop to the shops if you like. Do you have any muggle money?"
"Only about five pounds..."
"I'll make it stretch."
"Get marshmallows."
She gave Sirius the five pound note from her purse and he dashed off, leaving her with Harry. Out of nowhere, she was exhausted, and hoped Harry would soon want to sleep too.
She despaired at how many of Harry's things they had lost in the blast. All of his books had turned to ash and his toys melted. He used to be able to entertain himself with his activity board that James had made himself, and with his musical instruments and anything else he had. There was little Lily could do to simulate the same stimulation now.
At least he had Pig-Pig. He had the stuffed crocodile from Nymphadora for Christmas too. This was a less appreciated gift, but it had a name. Louise. Lily had no idea why James named it this, but he thought it was funny. So, Louise stayed.
After several minutes of Harry trying to engage Tuppy into a conversation with Pig-Pig and Louise, he grew weary of make-believe. Lily resorted to tickling. It was fail-safe.
When she heard the doorbell ring, she scooped up Harry and drooped him over her arm like a dishcloth and swung him side to side as she walked to the front door, causing him to squeal with laughter.
She opened the door to let Sirius in.
Harry stopped laughing immediately.
Lily took in the pallid, gaunt face of Severus Snape and gripped the door frame.
"How did you find us?" she asked, finding herself scarily furious at his appearance. It was the fact that he was frowning like a child who'd dropped their ice cream. He wanted her to feel sorry for him.
"It doesn't matter how..." Severus mumbled. "I wanted to see you..."
"It does matter how you found me, because I don't want a stalker and I don't want people like you knowing where I am."
"People like me?" he asked meekly. For God's sake, he must understand, mustn't he?
"Yes, people like you. Murderers. Spies. Blood purists. Go away."
"Lily, please-"
"I said Go. Away."
Severus sighed. "Please listen to me?"
Lily rolled her eyes. "Right. Say your piece, then piss off. Sirius will be back any minute and I won't stop him from doing whatever he'll do to you."
Severus inhaled, as though beginning to tell an epic tale. "I hate myself for joining the Death Eaters. I was going to leave them, but Dumbledore begged me stay with them as a spy for him."
"Dumbledore? Begging?"
"You know what I mean. But you know me, Lily, you know I don't believe in what Voldemort was preaching..."
"Are you serious? Do you think I'm that stupid?"
"No, I-"
"Of course you do. I'm just a mudblood."
He winced at the word.
"Oh, don't act all remorseful now. You believed in pureblood supremacy for years. You've always turned your nose up at muggle-borns-"
"Snape..." croaked a voice from the stairs.
Lily turned to see James hobbling down the stairs, clutching the bannister. She saw that he was holding his wand, and wondered how on Earth he got it.
"James, you should be resting," she said to him, despite being relieved to see him.
James shook his head. "Not if this prick's turned up."
"I can handle him."
"I know," he gave a small smile. "Give Harry to me. I'll keep him safe."
Severus sighed. "I'm not going to do anything to the boy, Potter."
James laughed weakly. "I wouldn't trust you with a sack of potatoes. I'm keeping my son well away from you."
Severus raised an eyebrow. "Not forever."
As though his illness left him completely, James' face took on an expression of pure anger. Lily, too, glared at Severus in fury. She leaned closer to Severus lowered her voice.
"For someone who wonders why we're suspicious about you, you don't half talk a little menacingly about a child. For your sake, you'd better stop threatening our son, Snape."
Her use of his surname hit him like a slap. She saw it in his face and she was glad of it. For once, she would allow herself to hate this man. For her son.
James approached them and Lily put Harry down on the floor to take James' hand. When she stood up, Sirius was standing behind Snape expressionlessly.
"Snivellus," began Sirius. "I'd invite you in, but I'd rather have sex with a porcupine. You'd better go home."
But Severus paid no attention to Sirius. His gaze was locked on Lily's stomach, looking nauseous, as though the thought of pregnancy disgusted him. For some strange reason, this made Lily love her unborn child even more. The unashamed protrusion of her bump felt defiant and proud. It spurned her on.
"You're having another child?" Severus asked quietly.
"Yep. That's double the accountability when they're at Hogwarts." Without thinking, she lunged forward and grabbed Severus by the collar. He was shocked, but not as much as Sirius, who audible gasped and clutched his heart.
"Listen to me, Severus," she growled. "I may have been a delicate little flower when I was twelve but not anymore. Any time you do anything to hurt either of my children, ever, I will break one of your bones."
She let him go. He staggered backwards, straight into Sirius.
"She's being serious," Sirius said to him casually. "I'll probably join her in the bone-breaking. Now move along, Snapey."
He side-stepped around Severus. "Lily, it was buy one get one free on sweets, so I got marshmallows and gummy worms instead of two bags of marshmallows and I didn't realise until I got halfway back. Sorry."
He stepped past her, into the house.
Lily lingered in the doorway, watching Severus, who was in shock.
"I never thought I could hate you, Severus," she told him. "But you make it so easy."
She closed the door.
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A/N: That was a long one.
P.S. I love you all for following this story.
P.P.S. Katelynn- you're welcome. You are lovely. X
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